Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship

by Gary Chapman

What to do when you feel like giving up When you said, “I do,” you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended it to be miserable. Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.” Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away , the revised and updated edition of the award-winning Desparate Marriages , teaches you how An experienced marriage and family counselor, Gary Chapman speaks to those whose spouse is any of the Marriage has the same potential to be miserable as it does to be blissful. Read Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away to learn how you can turn things around.

Genres: Marriage, Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Christian, Family

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2008

About the author

Gary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.

Reviews

[Isabel Hinen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Age: 18+
Genre: marriage, self-help, Christian values
Content: mention of physical/emotional abuse that may be hard for some to read
Language: clean

Review: This book was incredibly helpful for me. In it, Gary Chapman listed and provided examples of some of the biggest and most common serious issues in marriage. Some of it was hard to read, especially if you have experienced any of these issues in your own life and are still feeling the trauma from the damage caused. However, I would encourage you to push through and read this. Every single chapter, even if it doesn't really apply to your marriage, is amazingly insightful and so encouraging- the real-life examples included prove that even your "If that happened to me, I would definitely get a divorce" scenarios are, in fact, able to be overcome and reconciled! Chapman's explanation of our 6 basic needs, as well as his "principles for reality living," are easy to remember and absolutely essential pieces that we should cling to- whether we are in a "desperate marriage" already, or seeking to avoid reaching that point. I highly recommend this book. Even though it was written about 20 years ago, it still holds true in every marriage. Give this a shot before you give up.

[Pam Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't disagree with anything the author said, but I didn't learn anything new, either. Sometimes I like a book because the author puts an idea into words better than I could. I often copy a sentence or even a passage out of a book and keep it among my personal collection of quotes. Sometimes I even keep the whole book to read or refer to again. Not this time.
This book was too simple and obvious to be much good. It might be a good book for someone who's never read much about relationships or has never gone to a professional for any kind of counseling. He presents ten chapters on how to deal with types of flawed spouses. He's not mean about it. We're all flawed. In this book he's trying to help us deal with specific flaws. Throughout, he contrasts delusions and reality, suggests ways to dig deeper and see the real problems, and suggests various means to communicate love as the best way to solve any relationship problem.
I picked up this book because I absolutely adored two other books by the same author. Everyone, and I mean everyone, should read "The Five Love Languages". Most of us would also benefit from "The Five Languages of Apology." He's got two solid hits with me, so I won't let this disappointing book keep me from reading more by the same author.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took me nearly a year to read. It is full of hard truths and excellent actionable steps to take in order to renew a relationship. The book description claims to give readers practical tools to deal with various types of spouses that can cause harm in a marriage - these tools are things that you, the reader, can use to bring healing and positive change. I think this book took me so long to read because when you are being hurt by another person, it is difficult to decide to take responsibility for creating positive change.

I strongly believe that hurt people hurt people. This book helps you dig into what hurt and pain you may be experiencing as well as what actions you can then take to break that cycle of pain. Chapman gives constant reminders to his readers that their emotions need not dictate their actions and that they have the power to influence their partner positively.

It's a book that I'm sure I'll be returning to again and again. And I think it's essential reading for anyone who finds their marriage to be less than they expected (or downright desperate, as the title suggests). I think it would be particularly helpful for couples to read around six months after their wedding day to jump start positive habits and kick any negative behavior patterns they might be forming straight to the curb.

[Cristi Schwamb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Suggested by a friend as a good follow-up to Five Love Languages. It gives many examples of how the five love languages can play out in specific relationships, though most of the examples are more extreme than just normal marital discord. There was also a good discussion of attitudes that can influence relationships -- perhaps best described as having a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset though he didn't use those terms.

[Vanessa Caron · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Marriage isn’t easy but it doesn’t have to be hopeless either. Gary Chapman lays out a practical and hopeful guide in this book to help individuals and couples navigate desperate situations, to dispel common-held myths and to embrace life giving truths to turn almost any desperate marriage into a fulfilling experience. I’m going to read it again and recommend it to my friends; it was that good!

[Marcus Goncalves · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author offers great example that couples can gain perspective from, especially considering the challenges one faces these days with shallowness, due to busy schedules, work, or... tragedies. The book does gets repetitive and touches only the surface of the issues, though. This is a good start into learning about how to be a better spouse, but I’ve read several of The author’s book and this is not one of his best. Good reading though.

[Stacie Ellis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not in a Desperate Marriage, but I read it to provide advice to others when I come in contact. It was a great read, but still not exhausted. The answer is to send people to a counselor in most situations. The only thing I wish was that there was more examples of the right words to say to people in these situations.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book walks through fallacies that people believe about marriage. It also works through specific issues and makes recommendations on how to address those situations. Covering topics from past sexual abuse to addiction and other topics.

[Karla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been a fan of Chapman's advice for years- this is an incredible book with some powerful messages about how to let go, move forward and heal. No situation is hopeless, and the narratives detailed within the covers are truly inspiring. Recommended reading.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read this book and thank the Lord for the precious gift of Dr. Gary Chapman for writing this book. My 30-year marriage is still desperate but he's helped me tremendously. I had a problem not addressed in this book. I so wish I could have talked w him for ten minutes...God bless you!!!

[Karl Dumas · Rating 5 out of 5]

lots of great ideas for renewing marriages, and along the way destroys some of the myths that say it can't be done

[Carey Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the 4th or 5th book I’ve read by Gary Chapman... and while I loved the others, this one fell short for me.

[Mindaugas · Rating 3 out of 5]

★3/5★

[Liza Swandayani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good examples and situations that i can relate to.

[Lynne Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read, easy to discern basic counseling. The overview and repeated wisdom was helpful, practical and true.

[Dovilė Pankevičienė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perskaičiusi šią knygą supratau, kad visas problemas galima išspręsti.

[Andrius · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trumpai apie įvairius santykių klystkelius. Deja, vien knygos greičiausiai nepakaks,nes pokyčiams reikia ir praktikos, ir daugiau informacijos. Bet galbūt paskatins suprasti, kad problemos gali būti išsprendžiamos. Toliau padėti turėtų profesionalai.

[Moonlight Magaña · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not sure how I feel about this book since I’m still mentally processing it. I do know that it had too many Christian overtones for a book made in this century. I know a couple people mentioned you could skim over that part, but it’s in every fricking chapter.

The book was somewhat helpful information, but Chapter 10 was a huge negative for me. Not the entire chapter, but the third couple scenario was something that shouldn’t be okay, and isn’t. Ethically the book derails itself, but being from a Christian author it’s not a surprise they’d say that you can fix a marriage with someone who should be in jail.

I’m still waiting for my spouse to finish the book so we can discuss our feelings on the book as a whole and figure out what we’d actually want to apply or need to apply to our own marriage.

[Giovanni Casimiro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uma das maiores necessidades humanas é a do companheirismo. Contudo, várias atitudes têm minado as relações humanas. Nesta obra, Chapman apresenta determinados comportamentos que podem destruir um casamento.

Chapman acredita que apesar desses comportamentos serem bastante nocivos no casamento, ainda assim todo casamento pode ser salvo. E parte disso começa por primeiramente abandonarmos determinados mitos que regem nossas vidas e que impedem que casamentos sejam salvos
Que mitos são esses?

1. Que o ambiente determina meu estado mental
2. Que as pessoas não podem mudar
3. Que em um casamento desesperado, temos apenas duas opções: resignar-se e aceitar uma vida infeliz ou sair do casamento
4. Que algumas situações não têm conserto- e a linha é uma delas.

[Sasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not exactly as the title describes, this book covers a range of types of marital problems, some extremely serious and some much less so. Very useful for moving beyond the 5 love languages to work with deeper problems, with a positive focus.

The Christianity in this book is not heavy handed and easy to skip, and the religiosity gives it that positive and faithful focus which those of other types of religious orientations will often appreciate.

[David Pierce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Straightforward analysis and application is Gary Chapman strong suit. I read it in 2 sittings, and I know I will return to it with a highlighter. You know the writer is great at his craft, when you begin to think critically about your own marriage and your contribution to the possible dysfunction that all relationships can digress. I believe all marriages can benefit from reading what Chapman has written.

[Eden · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me see that no matter what, two people working together really, truly can improve a marriage. Gary Chapman really has some excellent insights on this topic and each one should be considered carefully by anyone who is experiencing trouble in a marriage.

[HARTATI · Rating 3 out of 5]

Buku yang mengulas berbagai penyebab perkawinan jadi desperate.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book for some simple and common sense ideas to help strengthen a marriage. I liked this book quiet well.

[Bobbi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, some real answers.

[Leilani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good stuff I here. I really like Mr Chapmans views and books

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

some practical advice, but more appropriate for a relationship where only one partner is willing to change. The section on forgiveness seemed a little too pat and a little unrealistic.

[Shari · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is good if there are particular issues that are causing a marriage problems, particularly if the spouse is not willing to work on the issues.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

[Tanja Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to anyone with any sort of marriage struggles, can learn so much from this book