Breaking Free of OCD: My Battle With Mental Pain and How God Rescued Me

by Jeff Wells

This autobiographical account by Houston Pastor Jeff Wells describes his struggle with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder during his adult years. In 1978, Jeff finished second place in the Boston Marathon, two seconds behind Bill Rodgers. This marked the beginning of his battle with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. OCD affected every area of his life and caused so much pain – at times overwhelming anguish and torment for over 30 years. In the spring of 2011, while Jeff was pastoring a large and thriving congregation, he reached his low point with mental disease and recognized how deeply he needed help. Out of desperation, he cried out to God and with the overwhelming prayer and support of his church, a few key friends and professionals, and especially with the love and support of his wife Gayle, Jeff details his journey to healing. The book is honest and forthright, and will bring hope to the many people who struggle in silence with mental pain and to their families.

Genres: Mental Health

173 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 18, 2016

About the author

Jeff Wells, D.V.M is a practicing veterinarian in the foothills of Colorado. A graduate of Iowa State University’s College of Veterinary Medicine, Dr. Wells has cared for many types of animals.

Reviews

[Ben Rush]

This was a great read. Partially because Jeff is like a father to me. I was on staff in 2011 when he stood before the church, admitting the anguish he was walking through and asking us to pray. It was the first time I'd ever heard anyone talk about mental health in the church, and it opened the door for me to talk about my own struggles with depression and anxiety.

In 1998, at 17 years old, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, sort of the kitchen drawer of the medical field. "We don't know what's wrong with you, buddy, but we know you're always tired, so it must be this." I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism around the same time. I started taking Synthroid and Prozac, which later turned into Effexor. I gained so much weight during that time period, but I didn't mind because I was happy! The depression and anxiety seemed to chill out. Since '98, I've gone off and on meds for anxiety/depression. Eventually, I started taking Pristiq from 2012 to 2016. During that time I was seeing a doctor who is a family friend and practices non-traditional medicine. I found out my adrenals were off; I was anemic, low testosterone, and a slew of other symptoms. I have insomnia and sleep apnea. This started an obsessive rumination on supplementation, exercise, sleep management, working out, etc. I probably felt the most healthy I've ever been from 2016-18, but I was off all traditional medicine. In 2022, I was diagnosed with Chronic Active Epstein Barr Virus - lifelong mono. I eventually started adding in medication - first Lexapro, then added Welbutrin. These two counteracted one another, and some of these fixations, irritability, and desire for order and control really went off the rails. And this was all happening while pastoring a church plant my wife and I started. I could say more about all of this, but the chronic health conditions exacerbated a hyper-fixation and fear of health and dying. I started realizing that for most of my life, I had been secretly managing intrusive thoughts and that it probably wasn't normal. I count repetitively. I have stopped my car on the side of the road in busy traffic after hitting a bump in the road for fear I just ran over someone. Intrusive images of hurting my family or myself almost every day. Catastrophizing most situations. Then the cycle of shame comes, etc. And all of this is something I've battled for at least 25 years.

About a month ago, I started noticing these thoughts were happening more frequently, and I thought I was losing my mind. I've contemplated driving myself to some medical facility to have myself admitted so that I wouldn't do something irrational. Thankfully, I happened to be having one of these secret episodes when I was visiting my psychiatrist for a normal quarterly meeting to check in on meds management, and I was diagnosed with OCD.

My OCD experience is very different from Jeff's, but this book and our relationship are a gift. He truly wants to help people find the road to healing. Like the dad that he is to me, when I told him, he just hugged me. He didn't let go until I did. He's prayed with me. He checks on me. He's given me tools to battle this and really lives the things he describes in this book. He really has experienced healing.

I'm just beginning my journey, but this book was a blessing. I hope you'll read it and find joy in discovering that you're not alone, that there is a way forward, and that God deeply loves you despite how you feel about yourself. The best part about this book for me is - that it's not spiritual bypassing or self-gaslighting or whatever. It's raw, real, and practical. Take meds. See a therapist. Tell your friends. Surrender to Jesus. God could heal you in an instant, but he may not. He's more than able, and I pray he does - for all of us who battle this horrible disease.

[Shannon]

I’ve battled OCD for almost thirty years, though I did not get diagnosed until almost twenty years in, mostly due to the wide-held belief amongst the Christian church, as a whole, that mental illness was merely a lack of faith, and I just had to muster up more, if i wanted to get better. Thankfully, most of the Church approaches mental illness with more compassion these days. This author shared his own experience and some of his specific OCD thoughts, which made an OCD reader feel less alone and more hopeful. I found his story painfully relatable.

After two hospitalizations plus outpatient programs, years of meds, counseling, OCD therapy, and endless striving, this book confronts the underlying issues that, if addressed, will help those of us with OCD to walk in freedom. He doesn’t promise that OCD will disappear, never to return. He does explain steps to take, so that OCD is not crushing life out of its victim slowly and painfully. The steps are not easy for anyone, but maybe especially not for those with OCD, because the fears, though irrational, seem so real and overwhelming. He acknowledges the benefit of traditional means to combat OCD as well, like meds, therapy, etc. He just points out the spiritual steps which can change us in ways nothing else can.

It’s a quick read, and I’m going to reread it, letting the content and wisdom soak in. If you have struggled with OCD, plaguing fears that seem to repeatedly slam you against the rocks, like powerful waves, despite your best attempt to swim, fight the current, hold on to the float device, all while wearing the best life jacket, then this book is for you. His book basically offers the boat, if you want to climb in. The waves might still be outside, and you will sometimes feel their effects, when storms come, but the safety of the boat will help you do more than just merely survive.

To the author - if you read reviews on your book - please accept my utmost gratitude for having the courage to write this book. It has comforted me and provided hope. Now…hopefully I can put all of this to practice and see the changes in my life that you have seen in yours. Thank you!

[Sophia Selvidge]

I struggled to find any literature from someone who has OCD that is a Christian, so it was really refreshing and comforting to hear another Christian who has gone through this trial. Jeff felt like I did- that he wouldn’t survive this trial. The mental pain brought him so much anguish. I felt for him so deeply; I felt so seen by his words. He knows that this disorder robs you of peave, logic, ability to function. He learned he needed to get help and now wants others to see they aren’t alone. I love that Jeff explained how OCD is a biochemical problem at the root. He provided a lot of Biblical encouragement.

[Olivia Gilpin]

Thank you Jeff for being so authentic and for blessing us with this book! As a fellow OCD sufferer, I can relate to a lot of what he talks about in this book. It is encouraging for me to know that I’m not the only Christian who struggles with OCD, as mental health isn’t always talked about in the church. Jeff brings the importance of OCD and all mental health struggles to light - as well as providing a lot of biblical resources to comfort us during those times where we need to feel at peace. I would recommend this book to anyone!! It also serves as a great way to learn more about the disorder for those that aren’t educated on the topic of OCD.

[Whitney Bougher]

I enjoy reading personal accounts and experiences with those with OCD, especially those with Scrupulosity. Here is a quick read and good, Biblical advice to help those struggling or those who have someone close to them who struggles.

If you’re looking for something very detailed and in depth then you won’t find textbook material with this book, but if you want a first hand personal look into someone with OCD and want Christian advice…you’ll find it with this read.

[Jamina Noreen]

I can’t express how helpful this was for me. It was so reassuring in so many ways that I had asked the Lord to help me navigate this mental illness. I’m so grateful for his honesty and dedication to combine his medicine experience and the word of God into one.

[Preston Brent]

Great Book!

This is a very helpful book for any Christian who struggles with OCD. Would also be great for the friends and family of an OCD sufferer.

[Joy B Dafferner]

We are not alone...There is hope!

Outstanding book. A must read for anyone dealing with anxiety, OCD, and perfectionism. Jeff lays it all out there. There is hope!