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Have a New Sex Life by Friday: Because Your Marriage Can't Wait until Monday
Given enough time, stress, and kids, even the most satisfying sex life can turn ho-hum. Before long, you find that your conversations center on taking the garbage out, you only make love with the lights off, and experimenting in the bedroom means changing the color of the duvet.
Dr. Kevin Leman throws bored and frustrated couples an intimacy lifeline. In just one week, couples will learn
- why women need sex (and what stops them from wanting it)
- why men want sex (and why what's important to her is important to him too)
- how to reclaim space just for the two of them
- how to communicate better for a more intimate connection
- how to spice things up in the bedroom
- and more
Dr. Leman's candid advice comes with a guarantee that with just a little attention to these doable strategies, husbands and wives can experience the kind of exciting intimacy they long for--not only by Friday, but throughout their entire marriage. Includes a bonus section of questions and answers on how couples can improve their sexual communication.
Dr. Kevin Leman throws bored and frustrated couples an intimacy lifeline. In just one week, couples will learn
- why women need sex (and what stops them from wanting it)
- why men want sex (and why what's important to her is important to him too)
- how to reclaim space just for the two of them
- how to communicate better for a more intimate connection
- how to spice things up in the bedroom
- and more
Dr. Leman's candid advice comes with a guarantee that with just a little attention to these doable strategies, husbands and wives can experience the kind of exciting intimacy they long for--not only by Friday, but throughout their entire marriage. Includes a bonus section of questions and answers on how couples can improve their sexual communication.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published January 17, 2017
119 people are currently reading
558 people want to read
About the author
Kevin Leman
220 books380 followersDr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.
Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
Facebook
Twitter
Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
March 19, 2022
I would have given up on this one within the first hour of the audiobook if my husband hadn't recommended it; the first couple chapters are absolutely enraging. Based on Leman's advice initially, I assumed this book was from the 1980s, if not older, and I had a record scratch moment when he mentioned Amazon.
Most of the book is relationship advice rather than specifically sex advice. I have no problem with that, and it makes sense--your sex life with your partner is going to suck if your relationship sucks--but a lot of the sweeping generalizations the advice is based on is just garbage. Leman makes men out to be grunting, monosyllabic (at best) cavemen and women out to be persnickety, fussy chatterboxes. The level of condescension in the chapter about women's needs was simply unacceptable. Men, want your women to have sex with you? Take out the garbage a few times and they'll be raring to go! Do the bare minimum in parenting and being a decent human being who lives with another human being, and that's all it takes. The chapter on men's needs wasn't much better, since it again put all of the burden on women to account for their cavemen's limitations rather than just telling the cavemen to pull it together and enter this century when it comes to gender stereotypes. There was some acknowledgement of the increased mental burden women carry, but much of it was in the context of how women are just better at making sure the kids make it to the doctors' appointments, buying the birthday gifts, and grocery shopping because they're so much better at multi-tasking. Not because, y'know, they have to take on this burden (even if they work outside the home) because their men just can't be bothered to listen to them talk for more than a minute or remember any of these essential details. Also, if I never hear the phrases "Tarzan and Jane" or "Mr. Happy" again, it will be too soon.
So why am I even giving this thing two stars? The first chunk was legit one-star drivel, but the chapters on how our parents affect our expectations of marriage and the question and answer sections did actually have some useful relationship advice and warranted three stars, believe it or not, so I split the difference. Potentially worth reading if a) you come from a very conservative background and need to be eased into the topic of sex and b) if you skip the first several chapters.
Most of the book is relationship advice rather than specifically sex advice. I have no problem with that, and it makes sense--your sex life with your partner is going to suck if your relationship sucks--but a lot of the sweeping generalizations the advice is based on is just garbage. Leman makes men out to be grunting, monosyllabic (at best) cavemen and women out to be persnickety, fussy chatterboxes. The level of condescension in the chapter about women's needs was simply unacceptable. Men, want your women to have sex with you? Take out the garbage a few times and they'll be raring to go! Do the bare minimum in parenting and being a decent human being who lives with another human being, and that's all it takes. The chapter on men's needs wasn't much better, since it again put all of the burden on women to account for their cavemen's limitations rather than just telling the cavemen to pull it together and enter this century when it comes to gender stereotypes. There was some acknowledgement of the increased mental burden women carry, but much of it was in the context of how women are just better at making sure the kids make it to the doctors' appointments, buying the birthday gifts, and grocery shopping because they're so much better at multi-tasking. Not because, y'know, they have to take on this burden (even if they work outside the home) because their men just can't be bothered to listen to them talk for more than a minute or remember any of these essential details. Also, if I never hear the phrases "Tarzan and Jane" or "Mr. Happy" again, it will be too soon.
So why am I even giving this thing two stars? The first chunk was legit one-star drivel, but the chapters on how our parents affect our expectations of marriage and the question and answer sections did actually have some useful relationship advice and warranted three stars, believe it or not, so I split the difference. Potentially worth reading if a) you come from a very conservative background and need to be eased into the topic of sex and b) if you skip the first several chapters.
February 6, 2017
I have read (and enjoyed) several other books by Dr Lemon, primarily those on birth order. I was therefore keen to get started on this one, although that quickly turned to frustration and disbelief. When the author isn't dishing trite advice that you would've seen opening any magazine in the past two decades, he's (much more concerningly) propagating tired, harmful and disproven gender essentialist stereotypes.
My husband and I did however share lots of laughs when I would tell him the latest "facts" as shared by Dr Leman, for example, that if I don't satisfy him as soon as he gets aroused, I am selfish and practically pushing him to have an affair. If you as a man don't think about sex 30+ times / day then you're not healthy. Masturbating will ruin your sex life, and if you (as a man, because apparently women don't masturbate) feel the urge to masturbate, you must go to your wife straight away so she can "take care" of your need.
The only good thing I can say about this book, is that it does say, not to blame yourself if you've been sexually abused. Thanks Dr Leman, you've passed the low, low bar of not victim-blaming people who have been abused, well done.
Considering the above it probably goes without saying that this book is heterocentric and homophobic, gender essentialist and full of religious bs.
*I received an ARC through Netgalley, the review is my own, honest opinion*
My husband and I did however share lots of laughs when I would tell him the latest "facts" as shared by Dr Leman, for example, that if I don't satisfy him as soon as he gets aroused, I am selfish and practically pushing him to have an affair. If you as a man don't think about sex 30+ times / day then you're not healthy. Masturbating will ruin your sex life, and if you (as a man, because apparently women don't masturbate) feel the urge to masturbate, you must go to your wife straight away so she can "take care" of your need.
The only good thing I can say about this book, is that it does say, not to blame yourself if you've been sexually abused. Thanks Dr Leman, you've passed the low, low bar of not victim-blaming people who have been abused, well done.
Considering the above it probably goes without saying that this book is heterocentric and homophobic, gender essentialist and full of religious bs.
*I received an ARC through Netgalley, the review is my own, honest opinion*
March 31, 2023
No me puedo creer que esto sea
a) un libro de 2017
b) un libro que se le recomienda a las parejas
c) que se use para ayudar a alguien (¿a quién está ayudando exactamente? ¿a que la relación mejore o a que el marido folle más)
Yo flipo. Me ha dejado muda. Voy a dejar unas cuantas frases que me han dejado petrificada:
La primera que me ha dejado en shock es ya en el primer capítulo:
«Así que, si eres la parte de la pareja que se muestra reticente a tener relaciones sexuales debido a un trauma que has sufrido en el pasado, o simplemente porque prefieres las tardes de sofá, deberías empezar a trabajar en ello. Tu matrimonio está en peligro si el sexo con tu cónyuge es aburrido o, más bien, inexistente. Si no proporcionas la calidez, la intimidad y el sexo que tu pareja desea, se verá tentada a buscarlo en otro lugar. Y no quieres eso.»
Y NO QUIERES ESO. Literalmente este libro dice que te fuerces a tener relaciones sexuales aunque no quieras, porque tienes que satisfacer a tu marido. Pero literalmente. Obviamente este libro fue escrito por un hombre.
«Aunque muchos no lo sepan, incluso las propias mujeres, el sexo es realmente una parte importante de toda mujer. Muchas mujeres llegan al matrimonio con la idea de “solo tumbarse y dejar que él disfrute”. Esta visión común del sexo es errónea, ya que no satisface realmente las necesidades del hombre.»
¿Tú te crees que las mujeres no saben eso? El problema es que la gente que lea esto, probablemente tenga problemas sexuales con sus cónyuges, y si el libro te está FORZANDO a que te acuestes con tu pareja, quieras o no quieras, no estás arreglando el trauma sino AUMENTÁNDOLO.
«El sexo, para un hombre que no ve a su mujer satisfecha sexualmente, es como si una mujer intentara hablar con su marido mientras él está leyendo el periódico. Ella quiere conversar, pero la falta de atención de él no satisface su necesidad de interacción. El sexo es importante para un hombre, y dado que el matrimonio consiste en anteponer las necesidades de tu cónyuge a las tuyas propias, las mujeres deberían esforzarse más en elaborar una experiencia sexual interesante con sus parejas»
eh, EH, QUE EL SEXO ES IMPORTANTE PARA LOS HOMBRES, TANTO COMO A LAS MUJERES LES GUSTA CONVERSAR. Así que esfuérzate en follártelo bien para que así él te escuche de vez en cuando. DAMN.
«[...] hay cosas que tú, como mujer, debes entender sobre la comunicación con tu marido. Es posible ponerse de acuerdo cuando se entienden algunos aspectos básicos:
• Los hombres utilizan gruñidos, mientras que las mujeres redactan párrafos.
• A los hombres les gustan las cosas simplificadas, predecibles y simples; a las mujeres les gusta la variedad y las múltiples opciones.
• Los hombres no hablan de su vida privada; a las mujeres les gusta compartirla.
• Los hombres usan “yo/me”, las mujeres usan “nosotros” »
WOW
«Los siguientes son algunos secretos que deberías conocer de tu hombre para mejorar vuestra intimidad sexual:
• Quiere ser tu caballero de brillante armadura.
• Quiere que tengas ganas de tener relaciones sexuales.
• Quiere tener tiempo a solas contigo para compartir sus pensamientos y sentimientos.
• Quiere que le leas como un libro y le proporciones lo que necesita, incluso cuando no sabe lo que necesita.»
«Los hombres naturalmente no comparten sus sentimientos. Pero una mujer inteligente debe aprender a leer a su marido y a dar sorpresas basadas en su conocimiento de él. De este modo, tendrá en sus manos a un marido aliviado, agradecido y que hará cualquier cosa por ti».
PERDONA, ¿QUÉ?
«Ten en cuenta lo siguiente, como hombre, para entender mejor a tu mujer:
• Lo que ella dice no siempre es lo que quiere decir.
• Todas las mujeres son exigentes con los detalles: acéptalo y sigue adelante»
A ver si lo he entendido bien. Si ella te dice "no, no quiero" no siempre quiere decir no, así que quiere decir que sí. Em,,, ahora entiendo lo de las violaciones y lo de not all men. Este libro tiene prácticamente 5 años y pretende ser autoayuda,,, pero a quién está ayudando exactamente,,, joder.
Y lo de "acéptalo y sigue adelante"; a tu mujer le gustan los detalles, jódete y lo aceptas, que ella folla contigo, ¿qué menos?
Creo que esto es sin duda lo peor que he leído en MI VIDA ENTERA.
a) un libro de 2017
b) un libro que se le recomienda a las parejas
c) que se use para ayudar a alguien (¿a quién está ayudando exactamente? ¿a que la relación mejore o a que el marido folle más)
Yo flipo. Me ha dejado muda. Voy a dejar unas cuantas frases que me han dejado petrificada:
La primera que me ha dejado en shock es ya en el primer capítulo:
«Así que, si eres la parte de la pareja que se muestra reticente a tener relaciones sexuales debido a un trauma que has sufrido en el pasado, o simplemente porque prefieres las tardes de sofá, deberías empezar a trabajar en ello. Tu matrimonio está en peligro si el sexo con tu cónyuge es aburrido o, más bien, inexistente. Si no proporcionas la calidez, la intimidad y el sexo que tu pareja desea, se verá tentada a buscarlo en otro lugar. Y no quieres eso.»
Y NO QUIERES ESO. Literalmente este libro dice que te fuerces a tener relaciones sexuales aunque no quieras, porque tienes que satisfacer a tu marido. Pero literalmente. Obviamente este libro fue escrito por un hombre.
«Aunque muchos no lo sepan, incluso las propias mujeres, el sexo es realmente una parte importante de toda mujer. Muchas mujeres llegan al matrimonio con la idea de “solo tumbarse y dejar que él disfrute”. Esta visión común del sexo es errónea, ya que no satisface realmente las necesidades del hombre.»
¿Tú te crees que las mujeres no saben eso? El problema es que la gente que lea esto, probablemente tenga problemas sexuales con sus cónyuges, y si el libro te está FORZANDO a que te acuestes con tu pareja, quieras o no quieras, no estás arreglando el trauma sino AUMENTÁNDOLO.
«El sexo, para un hombre que no ve a su mujer satisfecha sexualmente, es como si una mujer intentara hablar con su marido mientras él está leyendo el periódico. Ella quiere conversar, pero la falta de atención de él no satisface su necesidad de interacción. El sexo es importante para un hombre, y dado que el matrimonio consiste en anteponer las necesidades de tu cónyuge a las tuyas propias, las mujeres deberían esforzarse más en elaborar una experiencia sexual interesante con sus parejas»
eh, EH, QUE EL SEXO ES IMPORTANTE PARA LOS HOMBRES, TANTO COMO A LAS MUJERES LES GUSTA CONVERSAR. Así que esfuérzate en follártelo bien para que así él te escuche de vez en cuando. DAMN.
«[...] hay cosas que tú, como mujer, debes entender sobre la comunicación con tu marido. Es posible ponerse de acuerdo cuando se entienden algunos aspectos básicos:
• Los hombres utilizan gruñidos, mientras que las mujeres redactan párrafos.
• A los hombres les gustan las cosas simplificadas, predecibles y simples; a las mujeres les gusta la variedad y las múltiples opciones.
• Los hombres no hablan de su vida privada; a las mujeres les gusta compartirla.
• Los hombres usan “yo/me”, las mujeres usan “nosotros” »
WOW
«Los siguientes son algunos secretos que deberías conocer de tu hombre para mejorar vuestra intimidad sexual:
• Quiere ser tu caballero de brillante armadura.
• Quiere que tengas ganas de tener relaciones sexuales.
• Quiere tener tiempo a solas contigo para compartir sus pensamientos y sentimientos.
• Quiere que le leas como un libro y le proporciones lo que necesita, incluso cuando no sabe lo que necesita.»
«Los hombres naturalmente no comparten sus sentimientos. Pero una mujer inteligente debe aprender a leer a su marido y a dar sorpresas basadas en su conocimiento de él. De este modo, tendrá en sus manos a un marido aliviado, agradecido y que hará cualquier cosa por ti».
PERDONA, ¿QUÉ?
«Ten en cuenta lo siguiente, como hombre, para entender mejor a tu mujer:
• Lo que ella dice no siempre es lo que quiere decir.
• Todas las mujeres son exigentes con los detalles: acéptalo y sigue adelante»
A ver si lo he entendido bien. Si ella te dice "no, no quiero" no siempre quiere decir no, así que quiere decir que sí. Em,,, ahora entiendo lo de las violaciones y lo de not all men. Este libro tiene prácticamente 5 años y pretende ser autoayuda,,, pero a quién está ayudando exactamente,,, joder.
Y lo de "acéptalo y sigue adelante"; a tu mujer le gustan los detalles, jódete y lo aceptas, que ella folla contigo, ¿qué menos?
Creo que esto es sin duda lo peor que he leído en MI VIDA ENTERA.
June 21, 2017
The format of this book is refreshing and allows for a quick read since it is broken down to be read in a single week; reading one chapter each day Monday through Friday. Q & A on each topic is also included. If you have read any of Dr. Leman's other books on marital sex then I don't think you will be getting much new information here but it would be a good condensed version for those who have not. I must say, I did feel like the book did include a lot of cliches mostly bent toward the attitudes and actions of women. I personally do not fall into these cliches so it was a bit difficult to read by Thursday but I trust (or hope) that with all Dr. Leman's experience that he is speaking according to the majority of what he has seen in his many years of marital counseling.
February 10, 2018
There are a couple of recommendations that will destroy a marriage.
For example, there is a question: My husband does not wanna have sex, what is wrong?. Answer: There is a HIGH probability he is a Homosexual.
What??? What the fuck, there are like 2000 reasosn why he may not want to have sex and this guy is dumping his homofobia on the answer... if the person asking the question is not that bright she may just start the worst time on their marriage based on a totally baseless answer.
For example, there is a question: My husband does not wanna have sex, what is wrong?. Answer: There is a HIGH probability he is a Homosexual.
What??? What the fuck, there are like 2000 reasosn why he may not want to have sex and this guy is dumping his homofobia on the answer... if the person asking the question is not that bright she may just start the worst time on their marriage based on a totally baseless answer.
April 27, 2017
I usually enjoy Dr. Leman's books. He's witty and practical in his advice. This one fell a little flat. I felt like I'd read it all before and it could have been condensed into an article rather than a book. If you are looking for a better example of his intimacy advice I would choose 'Sheet Music'.
I received an ebook to facilitate my review.
I received an ebook to facilitate my review.
August 3, 2017
If you think this book is only about sex, think again. Sure, it speaks to sex between a husband and wife, but it's so much more. Understanding the physiological differences between male and female are vital to striving for a healthy marriage. Leman is not only informative and inspiring, he's also appropriately funny. Good read!
December 21, 2018
Good read but at times a little too simplified for me. The second half is a question and answer format that several times I felt the answers made assumptions that might not be true.
As always Leman will make you laugh and so many times ask, "How does he know that happens in my life?"
Reading this together as a couple would be the most effective way to read it.
As always Leman will make you laugh and so many times ask, "How does he know that happens in my life?"
Reading this together as a couple would be the most effective way to read it.
November 4, 2019
Great book. I really like how blunt Dr. Leman is in this book. Great book for couples looking to get clarification on certain areas of their intimate lives. One half of the book has real life questions and frustrations of regular married couples struggling with certain issues with intimacy. Loved to see his responses to these couples and get insight on some of my situations in my marriage.
December 25, 2020
Dr. Kevin Lehman have a lot of good practical advice about how to spice up your relationship/marriage, on and off the bedroom.
August 22, 2021
Best book ever
August 12, 2022
I couldn’t pass the 2nd chapter. Horrible way of understanding sex, putting all the blame on women for their partners having Affairs.
PLEASE DONT WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS BOOK!!
PLEASE DONT WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS BOOK!!
April 19, 2024
As soon as he said that talking about your sex life with someone other than your spouse is a violation of your marriage vows, I couldn't take it anymore. Horrible. DNF
November 3, 2024
Not much different from his other books on the subject. I can't say I learned a lot. His advice to questions at the back of the book were just okay.
November 7, 2024
Headway
December 31, 2024
Might not fit everyone's style, but could be helpful to start the conversation.
August 7, 2025
This was really good. very practical information and gives a lot of points of what to talk to your spouse about.
January 10, 2026
This books has great insights to relationships. I truly wish the book was named something else!
February 19, 2017
My Reflections:
I have enjoyed all of the previous books written by Dr. Kevin Leman and I must say, his newest book is no exception.
Have a New Sex Life by Friday was a quick and easy read. Broken down week by week Leman explores into topics like:
Why women need sex,
Why men need sex
Who's in bed with you
Making love with words
Spice it up!
Romance on a budget
Surprises your spouse will love
and so much more.
Written with humor and wit Leman walks his readers through a series of topics that make you stop, laugh and want to be a better spouse.
I found Tuesday to be the most interesting chapter.... You can read more on my blog:
http://citygirlmovestothecountry-tany...
I have enjoyed all of the previous books written by Dr. Kevin Leman and I must say, his newest book is no exception.
Have a New Sex Life by Friday was a quick and easy read. Broken down week by week Leman explores into topics like:
Why women need sex,
Why men need sex
Who's in bed with you
Making love with words
Spice it up!
Romance on a budget
Surprises your spouse will love
and so much more.
Written with humor and wit Leman walks his readers through a series of topics that make you stop, laugh and want to be a better spouse.
I found Tuesday to be the most interesting chapter.... You can read more on my blog:
http://citygirlmovestothecountry-tany...
April 29, 2017
If anyone could help you improve your sex life, Dr. Kevin Leman has good advice to help you do just that. In his new release, Have a New Sex Life By Friday, Dr. Leman shares a lot of information on improving your sex life. . .and your marriage in this book.
As you work your way through a week of improving intimacy with your spouse, Dr. Leman shares on Monday why women need sex, on Tuesday why men want sex, on Wednesday how other people in your lives (past and present) affect your sex life, on Thursday how to use your words to help improve and shape your sex life and on Friday he shares how to add spice to your sex life.
Have a New Sex Life by Friday is full of good information on how to make your sex life a "Wow" sex life. Dr. Leman has worked as a therapist for over 30 years and has been married for over 40 years. He shares a lot of basic information that many Christian couples may not know, or they may need to be reminded of when their sex life begins to wain. Along with all of his good information, he also shares a lot of common questions and stories from couples as he answers questions in the last half of the book that relate to each day's section in the book. He also makes reading this book fun with his great sense of humor.
My husband and I have been married for many years and recently faced challenges of four moves in three years with a special needs child that took it's toll on our physical intimacy. Have a New Sex Life by Friday had a lot of good ideas for us. I think it could help most couples that are looking for improvements in this area. Dr. Leman covers pretty much all angles of this issue--with his great sense of humor . I read bits and pieces to my husband and we had some good discussions. We appreciated how down to earth and easy to relate to Dr. Leman is. I highly recommend this book.
More information is available from the author and his website: https://www.haveanewsexlifebyfriday.com/
I read a copy of this book on NetGalley through Bethany House Publisher. I was not required to write a positive review in exchange for reading the book.
As you work your way through a week of improving intimacy with your spouse, Dr. Leman shares on Monday why women need sex, on Tuesday why men want sex, on Wednesday how other people in your lives (past and present) affect your sex life, on Thursday how to use your words to help improve and shape your sex life and on Friday he shares how to add spice to your sex life.
Have a New Sex Life by Friday is full of good information on how to make your sex life a "Wow" sex life. Dr. Leman has worked as a therapist for over 30 years and has been married for over 40 years. He shares a lot of basic information that many Christian couples may not know, or they may need to be reminded of when their sex life begins to wain. Along with all of his good information, he also shares a lot of common questions and stories from couples as he answers questions in the last half of the book that relate to each day's section in the book. He also makes reading this book fun with his great sense of humor.
My husband and I have been married for many years and recently faced challenges of four moves in three years with a special needs child that took it's toll on our physical intimacy. Have a New Sex Life by Friday had a lot of good ideas for us. I think it could help most couples that are looking for improvements in this area. Dr. Leman covers pretty much all angles of this issue--with his great sense of humor . I read bits and pieces to my husband and we had some good discussions. We appreciated how down to earth and easy to relate to Dr. Leman is. I highly recommend this book.
More information is available from the author and his website: https://www.haveanewsexlifebyfriday.com/
I read a copy of this book on NetGalley through Bethany House Publisher. I was not required to write a positive review in exchange for reading the book.
January 17, 2022
Dr. Leman doesn't offer any miracles. But that's more believable: good old-fashioned advice about how to look out for your spouse's needs will revitalize their interest to look out for yours.
This is not so much a startling revelation about techniques in bed. Here's an example: Want to enhance your love life, men? Do the dishes! Women, want him to do better? Give him explicit directions. There are ways to do it without nagging.
What was especially helpful for me was hearing the questions from clients and his answers in each chapter. And learning of the differences between men and women: generally, women want intimacy, good communication, and a commitment to the family; men, on the other hand, want to be wanted, needed, and respected. Our brains our different (women more relational, better at multi-tasking and languages; men tend to hyper-focus on one task at a time, and we like to problem-fixers), but both genders like to bring pleasure to the person he or she married.
Occasionally repetitious, frequently over-promising, and guilty of overgeneralizing, this book still offers a great guide on relationship improvement and a host of new ideas to spice up the marriage bed. Unafraid to use language not spoken at church but still remarkably wholesome. Dr. Leman's 40+ years of marriage and counseling expertise seems very versatile, considering the variety of books he has published.
This is not so much a startling revelation about techniques in bed. Here's an example: Want to enhance your love life, men? Do the dishes! Women, want him to do better? Give him explicit directions. There are ways to do it without nagging.
What was especially helpful for me was hearing the questions from clients and his answers in each chapter. And learning of the differences between men and women: generally, women want intimacy, good communication, and a commitment to the family; men, on the other hand, want to be wanted, needed, and respected. Our brains our different (women more relational, better at multi-tasking and languages; men tend to hyper-focus on one task at a time, and we like to problem-fixers), but both genders like to bring pleasure to the person he or she married.
Occasionally repetitious, frequently over-promising, and guilty of overgeneralizing, this book still offers a great guide on relationship improvement and a host of new ideas to spice up the marriage bed. Unafraid to use language not spoken at church but still remarkably wholesome. Dr. Leman's 40+ years of marriage and counseling expertise seems very versatile, considering the variety of books he has published.
January 24, 2018
I've read a lot of relationship books, so most of the material in this book was not new to me. I enjoyed reading about the differences between men and women, especially from a man's perspective. The best chapters were Wednesday (how your upbringing and family of origin affect your marital relationship) and Thursday (how men and women communicate very differently). I can definitely see myself and my husband in those chapters. There is some good advice in this book, basically to put your mate first, invest time and effort in your sex life, learn what your spouse needs and wants and actively work to fulfill those needs, get creative, and actively seek solutions for any issues you are having instead of just living with a ho-hum sex life. I thought there was too much emphasis on talking about things with your spouse. It seemed like the answer to everything was to talk about it and get a babysitter for the kids. Some of the advice I disagreed with, like when he told a man to take his wife to a hotel and any hotel would do, even a Motel 6. Let my husband take me to a Motel 6 and see if there is any hanky panky that happens! Still, it was worth reading and I feel motivated to follow some of the suggestions and start revving up my sex life.
September 15, 2022
I was surprised to find out that it was published in 2017: the religious references, hard stereotypes, the slightly authoritarian tone in language — all make it sound a bit like 1980s.
Nevertheless, it has a lot of wise common sense, good humor, valuable practical advice, and is very well worth a reading.
A couple of notable things that made it worth the reading for me were:
- the trick question: How would she respond to the phrase, “I only count when…”?
- the concept of (6 or 5?) “levels of communication in marriage” was an eye-opener, + “the arguments you have in level 3 […] help you go deeper in your relationship”;
- the commentary on “well-intentioned” “constructive” criticism, and what’s beneath it;
- “yellow Ping-Pong ball” solutions.
One idea that I had an especially hard time swallowing is that the things we have in common with our spouse are important because they bring us together, but the ones that make us different are even more so because not handling them with care can tear us apart.
Finally, even if the word “sex” right there in the title, the book is mostly about how to create a favorable environment for it to be possible, not how to do it.
Nevertheless, it has a lot of wise common sense, good humor, valuable practical advice, and is very well worth a reading.
A couple of notable things that made it worth the reading for me were:
- the trick question: How would she respond to the phrase, “I only count when…”?
- the concept of (6 or 5?) “levels of communication in marriage” was an eye-opener, + “the arguments you have in level 3 […] help you go deeper in your relationship”;
- the commentary on “well-intentioned” “constructive” criticism, and what’s beneath it;
- “yellow Ping-Pong ball” solutions.
One idea that I had an especially hard time swallowing is that the things we have in common with our spouse are important because they bring us together, but the ones that make us different are even more so because not handling them with care can tear us apart.
Finally, even if the word “sex” right there in the title, the book is mostly about how to create a favorable environment for it to be possible, not how to do it.
July 15, 2018
Dr Lehman is one of my favorite authors on the topic of sex and this book was just as great as all his other ones. His humor, honesty and easy to read style combine to make his books informative, challenging and very enjoyable. If you want to read something to help you develop a solid Christian perspective on sex I would highly recommend any of his books, especially this one!
Favorite Quote: “Marital intimacy, including sexual intimacy, is designed as an incredible, personal act between two committed people that cements a relationship so tightly that no one can get in between you.”
Favorite Quote: “Marital intimacy, including sexual intimacy, is designed as an incredible, personal act between two committed people that cements a relationship so tightly that no one can get in between you.”
February 1, 2019
Much of the same info as Dr. Leman’s Sheet Music, so don’t read them back to back. This book has many more submitted questions from couples that Dr. Leman answers, which may is helpful for specific advice.
June 28, 2021
Definitely a book to reread throughout the years
I'm keeping this book on hand for reference to reread periodically. It helped give me an insight to how my husband thinks as well as ideas to spice up our marriage.
I'm keeping this book on hand for reference to reread periodically. It helped give me an insight to how my husband thinks as well as ideas to spice up our marriage.
December 30, 2017
Garbage book, time would have been better spent getting a tattoo of Trump's face on my chest.
June 23, 2018
This book is awesome for married couples. It teaches men about women, and women about men. I love how he teaches couples to compromise.
March 4, 2019
Very interesting take on the differences between men and women. Easy and quick read.
August 24, 2020
Great book with plenty of wonderful ideas to spice up your love life and to keep it rolling. It's a good read even if your love life is already satisfying.
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