The Wisdom of Not Knowing: Discovering a Life of Wonder by Embracing Uncertainty

by Estelle Frankel

A deeply affirming exploration of the challenges and possibilities of the unknown--with meditations and exercises that can help transform the fear and uncertainty of "not knowing" into a sense of openness, curiosity, and bravery.
For most of us the unknown is both friend and foe. At times it can be a source of paralyzing fear and uncertainty, and at other times it can be a starting point for transformation, creativity, and growth. The unknown is a deep current that runs throughout all religions and mystical traditions, and it is also the nexus of contemporary psychotherapeutic thought and practice and a key element in all personal growth and healing. InThe Wisdom of Not Knowing, psychotherapist Estelle Frankel shows us that our psychological, emotional, and spiritual health is radically influenced by how comfortable we are at navigating the unknown and uncertain dimensions of our lives.
Drawing on insights from Kabbalah, depth psychology, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, and ancient myth, Frankel explores how we can grow our souls by tapping into the wisdom of not knowing. She also includes case studies of individuals who have grappled with their fears of the unknown and, as a result, have come out wiser, stronger, and more resilient. Each chapter includes experiential exercises and/or meditations for befriending the unknown. These exercises help convey how we must be willing to "not know" in order to gain knowledge and be able to bear uncertainty so we can be free to enjoy a healthy sense of adventure and curiosity."

“This book inspires as it delights. Estelle Frankel’s graceful and authoritative voice--fluent and informed as it seamlessly weaves together religion, psychoanalytic theory, literature, philosophy and modern science—recasts the ‘unknown’ from, a situation of dread to an invitation to ever more liberating awareness.”—Sylvia Boorstein, author of Happiness is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life

“Drawing on insights from the Jewish mystical tradition, as well as Buddhism and psychoanalysis, Estelle Frankel demonstrates the surprisingly positive value of ‘not knowing.’ This book is profound and clear. It will enable you to become more intimate with your own experience, to overcome fear, and to overcome the mental and emotional challenges of daily life.”—Daniel Matt, author of The Essential Kabbalah, God and the Big Bang, and The Zohar: Pritzker Edition

“This book bristles with depth and insight, practical stories, and humor as Estelle Frankel takes us on a deep and necessary journey into the via negativa, the land of unknowing. She urges us in a time of darkness and uncertainty to learn from the dark and to grow our courage and our creativity in the process.”—Rev Dr. Matthew Fox, author of A Way to God

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Judaism, Personal Development

256 pages, Paperback

Published February 14, 2017

About the author

Estelle Frankel is a practicing psychotherapist, spiritual advisor, and seasoned teacher of Jewish mysticism who blends depth psychology with the wisdom and healing practices of Kabbalah. She has taught Jewish studies in Israel and the U.S. for over 30 years and was ordained as a Rabbinic Pastor and spiritual guide (mashpiah ruchanit) by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. While living in Israel from 1970-1978 Estelle attended the Michlalah College for Jewish Studies in Jerusalem and taught at several Yeshivas, including Neve Yerusyhalayim and Shapell (Beruriah). Estelle is currently on the teaching faculty of Chochmat Halev: Wisdom of the Heart Meditation Center, where she teaches Jewish mysticism, meditation and healing, and offers group spiritual guidance. Estelle has also been an instructor at Lehrhaus Judaica Adult School for Jewish Studies since 1978 and has been involved in organizing several symposia on Judaism and Psychology. She is a popular public speaker and chant master, and has been a keynote speaker and presenter at many professional conferences.

In addition to Sacred Therapy, Estelle is the author of numerous essays on Jewish mysticism and psychology that have been published by a variety of professional and spiritual journals including: Tikkun Magazine, Women and Therapy: A Quarterly Journal, The Responsive Community, and Parabola Magazine. Several of her essays have been selected for publication in professional and literary anthologies.

Estelle lives in Berkeley, California with her husband, Dr. Stephen Goldbart and two children, Miriam and Elan. Her hobbies include playing guitar, singing, hiking in nature, ocean snorkeling, reading poetry, and creating ritual art.

Reviews

[J. d'Merricksson · Rating 5 out of 5]

**This book was reviewed for the Manhattan Book Review**

Using lessons garnered from such diverse sources as Jewish mysticism, Buddhism, psychology, mythic studies, and spiritual alchemy, Frankel offers a new way of looking at the unknown, and embracing the chaos of uncertainty. As we age, we lose the wonder of the child, for whom everything is new. As pressures of time and the responsibility that come with age strip the wonder from us, we grow more fearful of the unknown. In other cases, people who are introverts tend to be more wary of change from a young age, and this only solidifies with age.

In The Wisdom of Not Knowing Frankel teaches us to regain that sense of wonder we once had as a child. Woven into mythic analysis and psychological commentary are exercises to help open us to the unknown once again. With gentle, piercing clarity, Frankel reminds us that xenophobia will only stunt our growth, and stifle us with a slow suffocation most are not even aware of. One of my favourite characters from the Harry Potter movies is Luna Lovegood’s father. His personality thoroughly embodies his name- Xenophilius, love of the unknown. Frankel teaches us how to transmute fear to delight, to transmute xenophobia to xenophilia.

I am an extreme introvert. I despise change, and need an advance warning for changes, especially large ones, to give time for acceptance. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and have started making use of the techniques. One, near the beginning, reminded me I had been gifted with a small metal labyrinth that you trace a stylus through. I've dug it back out for the labyrinth exercise. Other exercises sparked my inspiration again. I've been languishing in an apathetic haze for, well, since the horrors of the election. That I've felt the stirrings of my creativity waking once again thrills me to no end. The exercises have helped in other ways too.

I don't drive, and don't see well. I've been very resistant to taking the bus places for fear of getting lost. It's engendered a near phobic fear that triggers panic and has severely curtailed my freedom. During my reading, I worked up the nerve to do something I've dreaded trying because of the unknown factor. I took a trip that required a bus change each way. That Frankel’s work helped me achieve this speaks volumes to me of its value.

I enjoyed the quotes at the beginning of each chapter, and the snippets of poems and passages within the chapters, especially the occasional Rumi. This book gave me a new appreciation for Jewish mysticism/ Kabbalah, and prompted an interest in delving further. I also ended up snagging Frankel’s other book, Sacred Therapy.

🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻 A valuable tool for any looking to befriend the unknown and find a valuable ally for living whole, and free of fear around life’s uncertainties.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this with my book study group. Our timing for this study was perfect. The book helped us navigate the stormy seas of the US election and the pandemic by reminding us of the value of facing darkness and cultivating curiosity, silence, and creativity. The book is brimming with historical references, insights from the Kabbalah, and clarifying anecdotes from the author's psychological therapy practice.

"Our thoughts and opinions create barriers between us and the world, often distorting our perceptions. Not knowing enables us to become more intimate with our experience. It offers us a way of being in the world that is open and free of prejudice so that we might approach life with curiosity, creativity, and courage."

I recommend this book for anytime one is feeling stuck or stressed by the chaos of the world.

[Bruce Silverman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Estelle Frankel’s book is pure music. It flows along with the modulated cadence of a Paul Simon song. ”The Wisdom of Not Knowing holds to its premise of exploring how the context of things, the unspoken, the dark, the uncertain, and the mysterious, feed us in profound ways.

Like Simon, she too invokes the wisdom of various cultures and traditions outside of her own personal Jewish background and training. The work moves effortlessly from chapter to chapter, exploring the paradoxical twins of light and dark, sacred and profane, silence and sound, science and spirituality, intuition and predictability, in short, a dozen “verses” that challenge our notions of what it means to know or not know.

In this book we hear teachings and tales of Zen Masters, Hasidic Rebbes, Sufi poets, Western physicists, philosophers, artists and movie-makers, and yet, Frankel always returns to the “chorus” of her own psychotherapeutic encounters as a healer and her personal Jewish mystical practice without a hint of dogmatism or stridency.

At the core of the book are the woefully misconstrued notions about darkness and light that plague our culture and our world.
This, I believe, is the most misunderstood and dangerous of all paradoxes that feed fear, projection, racism and violence. Frankel’s work artfully and methodically addresses this fundamental misconception by exploring the many traditions of “non-duality”
with quotes, anecdotes, poems, and stories artfully presented.

The book is so rife with such nuggets of wisdom that I’ve started utilizing it as an I Ching in my own counseling practice. I’ve dared to hand it to clients on the cusp of making daring life changes who then randomly open the work, and there to our shared amazement, we sit together, mouth agape, and the clients wonder if I’ve enacted some therapeutic slight of hand that led to the perfect passage that mirrors their struggle, question, or immanent transformation.

Yes there are many works that attempt to synthesize the polarities
of good and evil, science and religion, and doing and being, but Frankel’s books (Sacred Therapy being her first) are certainly at or near the top of the heap in terms of depth, tone and especially, sheer humanity. This book is soothing to read a well as informative; you will smile, cry, and be moved by the writings of a master storyteller.

The poet Rumi peaks of the “doorsill where the two worlds touch.”
Frankel effortlessly welcomes us at that gate, counseling mystery as well as planning, spontaneity as well as ritual observance, white space as well as the printed word, silence as well as speech, and yes, even the value of heartbreak and despair as well as good fortune.

Even Paul Simon might be pleased a half century after penning the line: “Hello darkness my old friend” that those words had more essential truth and power than he might have intended.

[Tali Barr · Rating 5 out of 5]

In The Wisdom of Not Knowing, Estelle Frankel takes readers on a journey into the heart of the “unknown” and, there, shines a light on this hidden terrain with insights from Kabbalah and other wisdom traditions, poetry and spiritual practice. As the book progresses fear and resistance turn to curiosity and open-mindedness. I found freedom and strength in the darkness of not knowing and meaning in the silence beyond thought. This book is a natural continuation of Estelle's first book, Sacred Therapy. Both are deeply spiritual, full of wisdom and helpful for any inner search.—Tali Barr

[Brian Wilcox · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author integrates varied and diverse sources, including stories, quotes, and traditions from the Hebrew Bible (TaNak), the Zohar, Kabbalah, Jewish mystics, Buddhism, and depth psychology. The book reads like a pragmatic guidebook, including providing meditations and exercises at the end of chapters.

Some readers, as I did, may sense a weakening of the spiritual source material by placing it in a more psychological framework. While clearly-defined spiritual content is often employed, the psychological tends to overpower it, not so much in particular cases but in the over-all tenor of the tome. So, I would say, this is a psychological treatment employing spirituality, not a spiritual treatment utilizing the psychological. While this may appear to be too departmentalizing, the two address different orders of experience, and the spiritual is higher-order, emcompassing the psychological domain, and its role at risk in a subtle psychological-reductionism, through an inversion.

If one is new to the exploration and act of embracing the unknown, this is a superb introduction. For more seasoned readers and practitioners of this wisdom, the book can serve as a refresher course and provide a wide array of materials that can inspire one on this never-ending pilgrimage in and within the unknown.

[William Schram · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author Estelle Frankel opens by disclosing her hitchhiking past and how it led to new, exciting adventures. As she aged, she began to take more precautions. Hitchhiking is something I never tried. I have no right to say anything about her life choices, but you never can tell anymore with people. It's an eye-catching idea.

The Wisdom of Not Knowing aims to increase the reader's comfort with unknown things. The book quotes Socrates by way of Plato and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Being open to new experiences leads to new knowledge and creativity.

Frankel discusses the unknown through the lenses of world religions. The author maintains a focus on Judaism, but she also delves into Zen Buddhism and Christianity.

I enjoyed the book. Thanks for reading my review, and see you next time.

[Kasandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good tips and reminders about embracing uncertainty and the unknown in order to stretch, grow, evolve, and commune with the Divine. Great stories and strategies for creative thinkers and anyone going through life changes and transformations or difficulties overcoming fear and worry. Heavier on Jewish mysticism and kabbalah than I'd expected, and this was wonderful! I enjoyed the Torah and Biblical information, but the book isn't heavy-handed in a spiritual sense, it's more psychological. Well-balanced writing and lots of takeaways. A good reference to come back to when life's challenges arise.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book combining the mystical prospect of the unknown and not knowing as paths to growth and depth. We cannot know...the more we know we acknowledge the less we know. The author uses the Jewish mystics as her primary source but also utilizes her experiences as a therapist. For those of us raised intellectually that we must know in order to be wise, this book is a most excellent resource for letting go of the need to know.

[Sabin Duncan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Estelle Frankel’s The Wisdom of Not Knowing belongs right up there with Jon Kabat -Zinn’s Wherever You Go, There You Are, Greg McKeown’s Essentialism, and Deepak Chopra’s The Way of the Wizard as milestone books that had immediate and enduring enriching effects on my life. Moreover, this season of the unknown (life without my parents) has proven again for me that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Frankel is quite a remarkable teacher.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. Estelle translates the Jewish mysticism and weaves psychology and Buddhism into a very easy digestible explanation of nothingness or emptiness. Weaving together insight, examples, personal experiences, and stories that challenge the reader to begin to love the uncertainty, the unknowns of our life. With this pandemic I find this book to be pertinent to this time.

[Delphine Lucas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to read this book right now. It was very interesting. I have to say, some of the content went over my head. I don’t have some of the background necessary to understand everything, but mostly I got the gist and was helped by this book. I especially liked the parts when the author writes about her long term relationship with her husband and not making assumptions about how he thinks. Of course, staying grounded in the here and now is essential to getting a grip on worry. There’s so much more to this book, however. Very intelligent, cogent, worthwhile book.

[Lydia Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised to find aspects in this book that could help me not only in my personal life but my future career as well. I enjoyed how it offers many viewpoints through multiple religious teachings so we are not just seeing one side but many different ones. I would recommend it to anyone who is looking for a new perspective or if you are just struggling with some personal issues.

[Trey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding, a Book for Our Times

My wife and I consider Sacred Therapy one of the most inspirational and helpful books regarding living life. Now, her timely new book comes at the pandemic when understanding, Not Knowing is so important. This book and the contained insights will help you live a life peacefully in a most dramatic historical moment of uncertainty.

[David Geller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoughtful and Insightful

Although not always an easy read, Estelle Frankel’s latest book is filled with wisdom. We live in a world filled with predictions about the future. Estelle reminds us we are always living on the edge of the unknown, and we need to walk knowingly into an uncertain future and allow that life will unfold before us. Great final chapter on courage.

[P. Rohrer-Walsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's some good advice here. I especially gravitated toward the stories. It's good to remember that the questions are more important than the answers and that assurity can be the bane of flourishing. Be aware that Frankel ground many of her insights in religious faith.

[Jason Beck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful book breaking down the many aspects of the unknown, how to understand it, approach it, accept it, and ultimately incorporate it into one's life as a spiritual practice. The examples are all relevant. Each chapter gives tangible tips on how to utilize information.

[Krissie Bentley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this for a friend and intended to skim it first to make sure it was a good fit. I loved this book. Encouraged spiritual curiosity with stories from familiar traditions. I loved it. Lots of notes.

[Gemma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful reflections on the richness of not knowing evokes a hunger for more on the mentioned sources (kabbalah, zen buddhism) and strengthens my inner peace with what is in the here and now at the same time.

[Monique Van hest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik vond het een inzichtgevend boek over een onderwerp waar ik nu veel mee bezig ben. De link met het geloof is zichtbaar en toch subtiel. Helpend. Mooie voorbeelden vanuit oude wijsheden en hedendaagse situaties

[A · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It took me a while to finish because it's a lot of deep thought. I liked the journal/thinking prompts at the end of each chapter. Her writing voice is relaxing and calming to read.

I highlighted a lot, but I'm too lazy to copy/paste my notes today. ha

[Laura Luzzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love the connections made with the unknown and divinity. Excellent insights and truths.

[Sandra de koning-vd pol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Het juiste boek op het juiste moment...

[Cindy Lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful with exercises to cultivate your own wisdom of unknown. I especially enjoyed Chapter 9 on courage and facing fears of the unknown. This is a book I will refer to often!

[Mpho3 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took me forever to get through this, but it always felt like whenever I picked it up it offered the right and timely insight for the moment at hand.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written and full of wisdom

[Nicesuu]

An easy read! It feels like your just listening to a friend.

[Nathan Hoyt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the author's discussion on this topic and I enjoyed learning from the author's Jewish tradition background.

[MaryMargaret · Rating 3 out of 5]

She’s got some great ideas but I believe it was written more for a professional than for the average person just trying to cope with the uncertainty of life.

[Samantha Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a good book but it was slow. Perhaps I was hoping more for strategies around navigating the unknown. The book was really about the virtues of the unknown.

[Rob McFarren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book. It is a wonderful and thoughtful take on living with the unknown in our lives. I found myself highlighting and rereading and contemplating passages over and over.