This is not much of a review. I basically put on "paper" my feelings for this book, which are many, so I may have something to go back to when I want to remember how I felt in the future.
Do not read if you haven't read the book, because I spoil everything.
WOW. This book broke me.
I was not AWARE that this was a TRAGEDY.
And O, man, it hit hard.
I've sobbed my heart out, ugly crying all the way.
It hurt so BAD but so GOOD. But IT HURTTT.
Like, I can't even make a proper sentence.
Future me, this is what I liked:
I liked how Silas got to bond with his brother again. How he got closure from both his mother and his grandmother. I liked how his grandmother wasn't portrayed like the ultimate evil bitch who should just die and without redemption. I don't like when things are done this way without seeing the reasoning behind everything, and the closure her explanation gave me was very important.
Everyone here was flawed, and it felt so real and so RAW.
It hurt me a lot––this book hit HOME, the my core, because of how raw and honest the emotions were, the flaws. I could relate to them because I got to see how everyone was aware of their own mistakes and weaknesses, and they were mostly acknowledged, or it felt like they were. Everyone had done wrong. Everyone could/should have done something else and it could have been different. But it wasn't.
The gods were flawed, too. The Mother was, the Siblings were. Umbrion was. And what made me sob my heart out the most was the fact that Silas and Umbrion didn't get a way out of their own pain. I could see how Umbrion was so deep in despair, at the lowest, and he just couldn't get out. He knew nothing else but revenge, and hurt.
And I loved how their love (Silas' and Umbrion's) wasn't supposed to happen. I thought this would be a sort of romance, and it wasn't, and I'm not mad at all. In the end, I feel like Silas sacrificed himself not only for the world and his family, but also for Umbrion. This is all my perspective, but the last sentences from Umbrion make me cry even now. Like, these letters are blurry, I'm crying again.*sobs* I'm sad and I'm glad that at least he got something to hold on to. There are so many what-ifs, about what could have been between them, if they had been in a mildly better place when they met and they could have helped each other get out of their pain.
As I was saying before, I'm glad Silas could talk things out with his mother and grandmother. They both died for him, like Perenor, and they did so loving him. He died knowing he was loved, as flawed as that love had been.
It was hard seeing how Soya hated herself for not believing Silas. I hated her for being that way and twisting everything, but I also couldn't help but understand her. She was in charge, she had to look for the people as a whole, and things looked very bad from the outside. Silas wouldn't (couldn't) defend himself, and she wanted so badly that he would.
I liked that the other Godspeakers were on Silas' side and treated him well.
And most of all, I related to Silas a lot. I related to his weakness. Though my anxiety and my fears are not as bad as his, I do have anxiety, I am at a time in my life where I've become fearful of so many things, so much so that I'm barely capable to do what I want to do to live the way I want. I feel trapped in fear, and although I'm working on it, I saw myself in Silas and his pain when people couldn't or wouldn't understand him.
I want to re-read this again in the future, though I know time will have to pass, because it's hard. And it will be hard knowing what will happen.
I loved this book, at times more so than others, but it holds a special place in my heart.