Una brava moglie cinese

by Susan Blumberg-Kason

Susan, una timida ragazza americana affascinata dalla cultura cinese, ha iniziato da poco la scuola di specializzazione a Hong Kong, quando s'innamora di Cai e decide di sposarlo. Mentre si scambiano le promesse matrimoniali, Susan si sente come la protagonista di una favola esotica, ma ben presto dovrà rendersi conto che Cai e la cultura alla quale appartiene sono ben diversi da quello che immaginava. Nel suo avvincente racconto Susan non fa mistero dell'impegno e dei sacrifici che ha dovuto affrontare per diventare una moglie perfetta, come vorrebbe la tradizione cinese, per un marito sempre più autoritario e violento. Con straziante sincerità Susan lascia emergere le speranze e i rischi di un matrimonio "interculturale", la sofferta decisione di rinunciare ai suoi valori per proteggere il figlio Jake. Ma quando Cai minaccia di portarglielo via, Susan deve trovare il coraggio di ribellarsi, per se stessa, per suo figlio e per il loro futuro. Ambientato tra la Cina rurale e le vivaci città di Hong Kong e San Francisco,"Una brava moglie cinese" è uno sguardo disincantato sul tema del matrimonio e della famiglia nella Cina di oggi e una testimonianza straordinaria di quanto sia inattaccabile l'amore che lega una madre al proprio figlio.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, China, Asia, Biography Memoir, Travel, Audiobook

347 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2014

Reviews

[Evie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a lover of Asian culture, I especially loved this memoir! Kason returns to Hong Kong for her post-graduate studies in the early 90s after a high school trip. An aficionado of Chinese culture, language and customs, she plans on relocating permanently after finishing school.

Things change when she meets her Chinese Prince Charming, Cai, a Taoist Musical Studies graduate student from Mainland China. After a whirlwind “Chinese courtship,” Kason finds herself married to Cai, his extended family, and comes face-to-face with a different aspect of the culture. Overnight, Cai shows his true colors; he’s condescending, sexist, and mentally abusive.

Despite the rollercoaster ride within her marriage, Kason’s love of China is evident. It’s fair to say that this is a travelogue and foodie read as well. I love her style of writing, and I didn’t feel like she wasted one sentence on frivolous details. It was perfect. Highly recommended. Also, I appreciated that her memoir is personal. It’s not an affront on Chinese men, and it hasn’t robbed of her love of its culture.

While posting the picture above on Instagram, I came across her account. She is so down to earth and I just adore her! Since following her, I’ve already come away with so many Asian themed memoirs that I wouldn’t have otherwise found. I hope many more people read and love this book as much as I did.

[Patrick · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would have rated this book four stars, then I decided to reduce one, because of the repetitive theme of the author excusing her husband's bad behavior on "cultural differences". It took 40 chapters for the penny to drop and she begins to admit she married an ass****. The whole title of the book is misleading, love affairs with any sociopathic jerks are destined to go wrong, but what does that have to do with China? Her marriage was doomed regardless of race or culture if she married the wrong man. Which is why I took off another star. I would say it's borderline racist for the author to suggests that her marriage ended because of the culture of the husband.

As other reviewers had stated, the lesson of this book can be summed up by: Don't marry someone you don't know. And I would also add: Don't marry a psycho.

Now what does that have to do China?

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, long-winded story time: My best friend is a girl we'll call "Mari." One day, in her early twenties, Mari went on an island vacation, and there she fell in love.

Let's call him "Henry." I was happy Mari was in love; she'd had her heart broken in her teens and I thought it was high time she had a new relationship. For Henry, she was willing to sacrifice. For him she left her job, her family, her country. They shared his apartment; they got a dog; she found a new job and learned his language. They looked perfect together - he tall, handsome, and charming, she sweet, beautiful, and graceful. They went out a lot. He held her hand, he stroked her hair. She clung to his warmth. Their smiling, kissy-face photos flooded my Facebook.

A year later, I got the first call: a devastated Mari, sobbing as she told me what Henry had done. "Is it serious?" I asked. "Should you... leave him?" No, she said. They would work it out.

Over the next two years I would get similar calls from Mari, but it wasn't until they finally broke up (a.k.a. he dumped her for someone else) that she revealed the full extent of the emotional - and on a few occasions, physical - abuse she'd experienced.

I was floored. I was angry. After picturing ways of torturing Henry until he rued the day he was born, I asked Mari what we who have never experienced abuse simply cannot understand: "Why?" Why, if he was such a vicious bastard and it'd been going on so long, why had she stayed? Why had she kept such rot in her life? Why, if she couldn't change him, hadn't she changed what she did have power over - her proximity to him? Mari started crying, and stammered something about love and confusion and cultural differences and trying too hard to compromise.

It's been more than two years since their breakup, and I can't say Mari has healed. She still has nightmares about Henry, and trouble trusting her instincts when it comes to men, especially men from Henry's background. As her best friend, I feel a crushing guilt; I feel like I failed her, that I should have seen how bad it was. Again and again, when I see her struggling, I keep asking myself: "Why?"

All this is to explain why I couldn't stop reading Susan Blumberg-Kason's absorbing memoir about her own disastrous cross-cultural relationship. In a way, I wasn't reading about Susan; I was reading about Mari, finally allowed into the narrative that Mari wouldn't or couldn't explain to me. Like Mari, Susan was young and relatively inexperienced when she met her future husband Cai while studying in Hong Kong. She fell in love and committed to him very quickly, and tried her best to be a good wife to him - a good wife on his terms, that is. To be a good wife, she put up with a lot of crap - Cai choosing to watch porn on their wedding night; Cai's temper and silent treatments; Cai's strange friendship with "Japanese Father," a man he seemed to love and respect more than he loved and respected her; Cai giving her an STD and denying he'd cheated; Cai abandoning her for hours in a NYC cafe while he watched a peep show; Cai calling her dirty and forcibly dragging her into the shower; Cai sitting on his ass complaining about how hard life was while Susan struggled to feed a family of five (including Cai's parents). Susan refused to complain or to blame. He was from a different culture; she had to make allowances for his behavior.

If you've never experienced abuse, you'll probably be frustrated and even angry at Susan, wanting to shout "Leave him, dammit!" at every turn. You'll want to ask her where her self-respect is, shake her for staying in a sorry situation. I was frustrated yet I couldn't stop reading, because Susan writes in such a clear, honest way that builds anticipation - we know from her bio that she is happily remarried, so I was desperate to reach her happy ending - and doesn't try to hide her naiveté at the time. Actually, her matter-of-fact tone at times even feels like a challenge to the reader: This was me back then, she seems to say. I make no apologies. You can judge me, but this was my life. That I truly respect her for.

In the end, the lesson of Susan's story is not "don't fall in love at first sight" or "don't marry someone from another culture" - she is not as simplistic or unfair as that. There are plenty of quick marriages and cross-cultural relationships that work out, including those of Susan's own friends. Instead, this is a memoir about loving yourself, and not putting up with someone else's demons when they turn on you. It's about not excusing all bad behaviors as "cultural differences." Some of their struggles are clearly cultural - Cai wanting to send their son to live in China with his parents; Cai's mother butting in with her ideas about postpartum recovery and childrearing. Being ethnically Chinese, those conflicts didn't shock or outrage me at all. But things like the porn, the STD, the threat of physical violence - there is such a thing as universal decency, and he fails. In the end though, Cai matters little. He is who he is, a product of a certain time and place and dynamic, and she cannot change him. What she can change is her situation. Instead of a life of tension and bitterness, she finds the courage to seek support from others (her mother, especially) and happiness for herself and her son.

There are some "unfortunates" in this book, which I don't fault the author for. Unfortunately, some people might read it as "against Chinese men," presenting Chinese men in a negative light. I think people who read it that way already hold their own prejudices. There are other Chinese men presented positively, including Susan's lovely father-in-law at the time, and in the end, Susan's choices are for the well-being of the Chinese male who matters most to her - her son Jake, who carries his father's surname. Susan was a Mandarin-speaker and China hand before she married Cai, and she continues to bring Chinese culture into her son's life.

I think a lot of the time, people currently in or who had cross-cultural relationships are so afraid to write about the bad stuff that does happen because we are - taught? conditioned? encouraged? - to believe that love overcomes everything, that every cross-cultural pairing should be a happily ever after - and if it's not, to just sweep it under the rug. I dislike that extreme. I think there are some cases where love doesn't mean anything in a bad situation, and it shouldn't be seen as defeat or failure or dismissal of that other culture for having the resolve to get out. Through her blog, which details her continuing love affair with the East, she shows that you can continue appreciating a culture without having to stay married to it.

And thank you, Susan, for giving me a glimpse into Mari's life. She's shown interest in reading it. I hope your happy ending helps her believe she'll find her own.

[Jacki (Julia Flyte) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moral: Don't marry men from other countries and cultures whom you have only know a short time.

Susan Blumberg-Kason grew in suburban Chicago and from an early age was fascinated by China. After graduating from college in the US, she seizes the opportunity to do a Masters degree in Hong Kong. There the somewhat shy and sheltered student meets a handsome Chinese boy called Cai. After only a few months he proposes, warning her almost immediately afterwards that sometimes he can lose his temper but it will only be temporary. Naive and in love, Susan determines to be the warm, soft, good Chinese wife that her husband wants her to be.

However almost immediately there are strains in the marriage as Cai puts his needs ahead of hers at every turn. For the most part Susan makes excuses for his behaviour and tries her best to keep him happy. When she does resist even mildly, he loses his temper and then refuses to speak to her, sometimes for days at a time. Once they have a child together, the stakes get higher and Susan realizes that she needs to stand up for herself once and for all.

I really enjoyed this book which gives a fascinating perspective of China in the mid 1990s. It's extremely readable and even when I wasn't reading it I found myself thinking about it. Susan takes us through her story in such a way that you feel you really understand what she was thinking and feeling and why she behaved as she did. She doesn't shy away from events that don't show her in a positive light and it's clear that they both had a part to play in the marriage's problems - although she puts up with a great deal more than I ever could. After I finished the book I discovered the author's website where you can see some some photographs taken at the time.

I received an advance copy of this book for review through Net Galley.

[Karen Ng · Rating 2 out of 5]

My only comment about this book is that the author's Ex-Chinese husband probably has some kind of mental/social disorder which is not limited to a certain race.

[Kim Fay · Rating 5 out of 5]

While reading this book, I found myself intrigued by the calm I felt in the writing. I could feel the peace the author had already made with the part of her life she was writing about, but at the same time, this did not stop the story from being compelling - a quiet book that is a page turner is an art anymore. Memoirs now are so melodramatic, or have some crazy hook such as my-mom-was-a-trapeze-artist-my-dad-ate-out-of-dumpsters-I-overcame-addiction and I MUST tell someone about it all. To be honest, I'm bored with memoirs anymore. But I would recommend this one to book clubs, readers interested in other cultures and those who appreciate a good (but not sensational) story. In this book, Blumberg-Kason tells the story of her marriage to a Chinese man. The reader knows from the start that this marriage is going to fall apart; I'm not giving anything away by saying this. What's interesting is to watch Blumberg-Kason reach this realization. It does not happen quickly, and it does not happen painlessly. And while the reader may be frustrated by how long it takes her figure out that she needs to part ways with her husband, the honesty and simplicity of her emotions win out. I especially appreciated the amount of time Blumberg-Kason spent trying to understand which of her marital issues were cultural differences, and which were driven simply by incompatibility (or the fact that her husband was being a jerk). In some ways "Good Chinese Wife" reminded me of another memoir I often think about: "The House on Dream Street," by Dana Sachs. This memoir, too, is quietly told, and in its discretion reveals so much more than any Facebook-mentality spilling of the guts possibly could.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

When first we meet Susan, a young American woman studying in Hong Kong, we see her as eager and inexperienced — a lover of Chinese culture who is quickly romanced by fellow student Cai, so handsome and sure. Through innocent, intellectual evening chats and patience, Cai courts Susan — and proposes very quickly. Susan, entranced and bewitched by him, agrees.

From there, it unravels.

Questionable relationships. Porn addiction. Extramarital issues. Abandonment, “peep shows,” detachment. Coldness. Threats. Unemployment. Fear.

Here’s what really works about Susan Blumberg-Kason's Good Chinese Wife: Susan gets it. She gets that we may be reading her deeply personal story of a trouble marriage with a critical eye. She knows we may judge, we may disagree, we may shake our hands and wag our fingers. Maybe we’ll say “you should have known.” Susan understands we will not accept all of her choices. Why does she stay when it’s obvious she should run, run, run?

But this Susan — our narrator — is older, wiser, accepting. She’s gazing back at her tumultuous first marriage with a new understanding, and she’s not apologetic about her past. In a matter-of-fact but warm tone, Susan recounts her time with Cai in a way that isn’t truly detached — but makes it clear she’s moved beyond their pain and differences.

At its core, Good Chinese Wife is about a woman who loves a man — one who doesn’t respect or support her. Though she is Jewish-American and he is Chinese, the fault lines in their marriage aren’t entirely due to “cultural differences,” as she once rationalizes. Yes, they hail from separate nations . . . and have entirely different traditions, different values. But as a new wife, Susan works hard to empathize and learn from her husband, accepting his quirks (if you could call a porn addiction a “quirk” . . .) and chooses to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Cai can’t say the same.

Good Chinese Wife is riveting. As outsiders, it may be easy to wonder Why? why? why? Susan would choose to stay with a man who repeatedly and blatantly disrespects her, both through his questionable relationships with others — male and female — and his verbal abuse at home. Cold, silent and brooding, Cai comes across as a dangerously unpleasant man . . . one subject to wild mood swings and threats.

But I got it. I got it. For better or worse, Susan fell in love with him — this tempestuous, mysterious person — and tried to make a life with him, but Cai proved to be someone on whom she could not depend. As they welcomed a son, I cringed at the stunts Cai would pull . . . and the detached, harmful way in which he interacted with his child.

For all the sad, angry moments, this isn’t a negative story — and there were times Good Chinese Wife really sparkled. Susan is incredibly endearing, and I loved the electricity in her voice when she talks about her beloved Hong Kong. Her love for her family is very clear, and she’s incredibly kind — and treated very kindly — by Cai’s parents in Hidden River, who love her and their grandchild as well.

Is Good Chinese Wife about an interracial, intercultural marriage? Yes . . . and no. Though some of Susan and Cai’s issues stem from cultural misunderstandings, of course, it’s far deeper than that. And this isn’t a cautionary tale. By the close, we know Susan bears no malice toward Cai — and having found happiness herself (not a spoiler — in the author bio!), she reflects on their time together in the 1990s very differently these days.

Absorbing, calm and wise, Good Chinese Wife was a memoir I devoured in just a few hours. I felt Susan’s all-encompassing love for her family — and often wanted to simultaneously hug and shake her. Though readers may question her decisions (sometimes I did, too), Susan bravely shares her story in the hope, I think, of inspiring others to stand up for themselves and their families. It’s a thought-provoking memoir, and one I recommend.

[Jeanette · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are aspects of this book I could give a 2 star and some I could give a 5. For honesty it gets a 6. For my enjoyment, it gets about a 3. But I couldn't put it down because I HAD to know what/ when her out was going to be. And if it included losing her child. As with other memoirs I have read about expat marriages and child custody or kidnapping.

That Susan could have attributed all of these events and attributions of her relationship with Cai to a difference in cultural perception or habit? And that she continued to meet and move forward with him after the introductory "dances"- that's the one star part. A girl from Evanston? Retiring personality (self-described) does not equate into such low self-evaluation. And with such education and travel habits yet!

All the travel by her parents- the cost of that alone. These are not uneducated or provincial in economic scopes of support here. What was she taught at home herself about her own tradition and heritage? She wanted the bris, what about the legacy of female autonomy?

She wrote this memoir with such blunt honesty and almost totally in reaction. But because of that it reads like a clinical case study for reduced self-importance, insecurity, co-dependence and other pleasing forms of glad self-immolation.

That she wrote this and organized it as a "Good Chinese Wife" from the deep millennia of patriarchal dogma "asides" was an excellent formation.

I am flummoxed that someone from that background could most usually perceive that it's always her own fault. Or that love and the emotions that base bonding could exist with any honesty when the cognition is only for one person's choices.

The first therapist she goes to gets a minus one star. This woman was super lucky she had the parents, brother to rescue her. The descriptions and living situations of mainland China and especially her parental in-laws gets a 5. They sound a WHOLE lot nicer than their son.

Don't read this book if you can't take any redundancy. There are some phrases she used at least 30 times each. Like "I didn't want to be a nag."

[Randee · Rating 5 out of 5]

We know going into it that this will not end well from the title. Although this is a memoir of an American girl(Chicagoan at that!) who married a Chinese man, it was extremely suspenseful. Like many a twenty something, Susan confused attraction for love. Like many a twenty something she felt like an outsider and was flattered when a handsome man showed her attention. She ignored early warning signals because she was too young and/or experienced to recognize them or she dismissed them because she was giddy at the prospect of living happily ever after. I can't fault her for any of that. The one thing I do fault her for, even though I understand it, was the fact that she married him without hardly knowing him. She threw all caution to the wind and cast her lot with someone who was little more than a stranger. Scary. Foolish. People have lost their lives for less. I'm sure, in hindsight, she knows she made a huge mistake. However, like an Alfred Hitchcock movie, her marriage to him builds and builds to more negative heights. I don't want to enter any spoilers so I will just say that it is a wicked good read. I really felt great sympathy for her. She, like many women, tried everything she could think of to make the relationship work and blamed herself over and over again. That it was somehow her fault that he acted like such a jerk. She examined her mind, heart and soul and questioned if she was failing due to cultural differences. I don't pretend to be an expert on China or Chinese men, but I will state with certainty that very little (and nothing important) was cultural differences. Cai was a narcissistic sociopath and you can find those types in every country of the world. Her parents saved her and her son from a fate worse than death in my opinion. Read this and form your own conclusions.

[Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Good Chinese Wife” is a new memoir published by Sourcebooks, and is a poignant tale expats should enjoy about the overlap of China and the West. Susan Blumberg-Kason details her unfortunate marriage to a Chinese music scholar, as they meet while studying in Hong Kong and then travel to his hometown in Hubei Province before eventually settling in San Francisco, California.

The central question posed by their troubled relationship is whether their differences were due to culture or personality. Interracial marriages may have some problems, but are certain individual defects masked by the excuse of culture?

As their relationship begins, Blumberg-Kason appreciates her future husband’s background. She studies Mandarin as a postgraduate in Hong Kong in the early 1990s, and stays there through the time of the handover in 1997, and for a reader familiar with South China it can be very interesting to compare that time with the current era.

The shy student falls in love with Cai, a handsome divorcee and ethnomusicology major, and the fact that he quickly escalates into topics of marriage on early dates seems to be a source of attraction for her. In that sense, the cultural difference was an advantage.

The book goes over her travels to the Hidden River village in Hunan and subsequent meetings with Cai’s family, and serves as a good introduction to Chinese culture for readers new to the subject of China. Blumberg-Kason is very knowledgeable, and the book is also peppered with quotes from Ban Zhao’s traditional “Instruction for Chinese Women and Girls” which contrasts well with the narrative.

The memoir deals with many hard truths, and Blumberg-Kason can be very frank with personal matters. The first sex scene comes as a shock to the reader, not because of graphic depictions, but because of the realization that the couple is engaged to be married yet they have not even reached that intimate stage. When she does get married, at the young age of 24, their passionless first night together during a honeymoon in a Hong Kong hotel further foreshadows more troubles.

Time and time again, as the book progresses, Blumberg-Kason questions herself and accommodates Cai’s behavior, yet he doesn’t seem to care about his wife’s concerns. From the isolating vacations in his home town, to skipping out on going to an import foreign-language bookstore in Shanghai and an interest in “yellow films” over his own wife, the reader wonders why she comes across so weak and why she puts up with him.

Pregnant, they move to America and the situation worsens. He does not adapt well to living abroad, and constantly complains to her. Though Blumberg-Kason claims he is a good husband during her pregnancy, he grows more distant after their son is born and the book darkens in tone. In particular, when he gives her a STD and then denies it, the situation couldn’t be worse. Always trying to keep the peace, she repeatedly states that she didn’t want to know the truth about his private life.

It soon becomes obvious that their marriage will not work, and yet it takes a long time for the book to finally reach the point when Blumberg-Kason stands up for herself and leaves him. Cai even says to her: “You’re lucky I don’t hit you.” After she gives birth to their son, he tells her “Women are dirty.”

It is a sad state that this is a nonfiction memoir, and so many real women stay in such relationships for far too long. Perhaps there is a lesson there about not rushing into marriage.

“Good Chinese Wife” is well-written and reads like a page-turner novel, although it does get stuck in details at times. If it were a novel, the passages about student dances and descriptions of clothes and food might be cut due to not being relevant to the plot. But the book is a memoir, which is dense with everything Blumberg-Kason has chosen to share.

This book is recommended for readers interested in contemporary Chinese culture, as well as for anyone who has ever experienced problems stemming from cultural differences.

[王曼卿 · Rating 4 out of 5]

A review copy of this book was generously provided by the publisher and it truly arrived at the perfect time. I’m currently planning a small overseas wedding and it seems like most of my friends are moving, welcoming a new child or going through a divorce. The issues discussed in Good Chinese Wife have been at the forefront of my mind over the last few months and I found it easy to relate to the joys and frustrations shared in this memoir.

When I first read the description, I was concerned that this book would be a ‘misery memoir’ and would be like watching someone pick at a scab. However, Susan Blumberg-Kason’s journey from Hong Kong graduate student to member of a Chinese family is so much more than the series of events which sent a marriage hurtling towards failure.

The premise is compelling: the author looks back at herself, her relationship with Chinese culture and the rise and fall of her marriage to a mainland Chinese man. It is clear that she loves language, history and culture and her insights and reflections make this book a very enjoyable read. Her observations are not only presented through the lens of her relationship, as she also shares her experiences as a study abroad student in Mainland China and as a postgraduate student in Hong Kong. While contemplating the changes China was going through at the time, she examines the decisions which led her from being a student in Hong Kong to a wife, mother and breadwinner in the United States.

Blumberg-Kason comes across as a very shy, eager young woman and she shares her story with an endearing simplicity. I especially loved the accurate depiction of scholarly Western women who don't want to be seen as the ‘typical American girl’ and find themselves entranced by ancient China’s elegant language, music and artistic refinement. Keeping this in mind, it’s easy to understand how a Midwestern girl could leap into marriage so quickly. Blumberg-Kason constantly reflects on how well she did or did not “understand China,” while her husband – even after they lived in the United States – only had a minimal understanding of Jewish-American culture and related lifecycle events. This shows how a multicultural marriage has to be a two way street.

I was occasionally baffled by her decisions and there were points where I wondered if her lack of self-reflection illustrated how quick she was to rationalize her partner’s behaviour. That said, what Blumberg-Kason is good at is capturing the claustrophobic, isolated and hunted feelings of toxic relationships. She shares the interactions with her new family with sympathy, even when they are at their worst. Near the end of the book, I found myself wondering if the author was so matter of fact about the chain of events because she had no time to reflect on anything while being pulled in multiple directions.

Anyone who has moved overseas knows how important forming a supportive social network is. The author kept her family in the dark about the state of her marriage and seemed to have few friends to turn to for advice. I frequently wondered why the author, who had strong ties to China and the university community, didn’t have close Chinese girlfriends to ask whether or not her husband’s actions were typical or appropriate. Readers will appreciate the sensitive portrayal of her ex-husband, who was sometimes mind-bogglingly selfish, sometimes incredibly thoughtful. I thought this was excellently done, because from my observation it is the occasional swings from bad to good which make it so hard for people to leave an overall bad relationship.

Good Chinese Wife would appeal to you if you're interested in what life is like for Western women in Asia or for those in a cross-cultural relationship. I would really like to see a follow-up book describing how she incorporates both her and her ex-husband’s cultures into her son’s upbringing.

(Cross Posted from eastwestnotes.com)

[Amazon · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best travel literature is written by people who live in a country, submit to its culture, and love it—warts and all. Susan Blumberg-Kason in her new memoir, Good Chinese Wife, does all of that and much more. She traveled to China, moved to Hong Kong, and fell in love with a man from a small Chinese town. And reader, she married him--and lived to tell the tale.

Few women of her time were as freshly-minted as Susan was when she went off to graduate school in pre-handover Hong Kong. Her geographic travels had probably almost filled up a passport—with a mother who worked for an airlines, Susan could, and did, hop on a plane and go anywhere she liked. An adventurous teenager, she had been to mainland China more than once, was attracted to what she saw in that newly-opened country—and she became downright besotted with Hong Kong.

And yet, in her early twenties, by the time Susan came to live in that city, she had been involved with only one serious boyfriend. With the freedom that came from living far from home, in a new country, she embarked on a couple of fleeting affairs. Then she met Cai.

He was handsome, sophisticated, an older man. Susan was a Mandarin-speaking American girl, eager and sparkling. Within a very short time, this unlikely couple fell in love, became engaged, and were married. Cai spoke English, Susan was fluent in Mandarin, but neither had the skill to plumb the other’s character as thoroughly as either of them should have. When Cai spent his wedding night in a luxurious Kowloon hotel watching porn films on pay-per-view TV, Susan didn’t ask him why. When Susan was devastated that there was no time to go to an English-language bookstore when the couple had a brief stop in Shanghai, Cai didn’t bother to discover the reason that his bride was so upset. Then there was the question of “Japanese Father,” a professor who loomed large in Cai’s regard and cast a sinister shadow on the life of the young couple from the very beginning of their marriage. In a burst of true saintliness, Susan kept her misgivings about this man to herself, even when he provided Cai with a gigantic and mysterious sum of money.

When Cai and Susan moved to San Francisco and bought a house, his parents soon followed, bringing their culture with them—and of course, Japanese Father showed up for a visit. By then, there was a baby, and Susan became a young mother as well as the primary bread-winner for her extended family.

In so many ways, this story is a heart-breaker—and yet, like the best memoirs, it takes its readers on a journey. Susan Blumberg-Kason skillfully avoids any melodramatic tinge as she unfolds her novelistic history. She shows how it was to live in Hong Kong before it became semi-autonomous, what it is to be part of a rural Chinese household, and the innermost intricacies of a very complicated marriage.

Racing through her pages, moaning in sympathy at one moment and feeling envious in the next paragraph, readers of Good Chinese Wife have to keep one thing in mind: Don’t forget to exhale during the many moments that this splendid book takes your breath away.

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

When the author met a handsome Chinese man whilst studying in Hong Kong and he asked her to marry him, she thought all her dreams had come true. For the next 5 years, in China and in the US, she did all she could to be a Good Chinese Wife. But ultimately the dream turned sour and the cultural differences between the couple, plus her husband’s extremely selfish behaviour, meant she was forced to make the difficult decision to leave the marriage.
This is a frank and painfully honest account of a cross-cultural marriage and should be on the reading list of anyone hoping that love conquers all in such relationships. The author’s account of her efforts to accept the Chinese cultural norms insisted on by Cai and his family is both perceptive and a real eye-opener. The final part of the book felt as nerve-racking as any thriller as Susan makes her escape. She also raises the complex questions about parental rights and international law, which affect so many mixed marriages. There’s an object lesson to be learnt in this wonderfully compelling book, as well as a very human story to be found.

[Kim Weiss · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoy a good "marriage gone wrong" book from time to time, but this one was just OK. The story just wasn't dramatic enough. Like Betty Mahmoody in "Not Without My Daughter," Susan married a man of a different culture and risked losing her child in another country. Betty escaped over the border from Iran to Turkey over several mountain ranges. Susan flew from San Francisco to Chicago and moved in with her rich parents.

Like Dina Matos McGreevey, author of "Silent Partner," Susan's husband probably had a boyfriend. He did, not, however, put him in charge of homeland security for the state of New Jersey right after 9/11.

Cai Jun was a bad husband, but he was just a garden-variety bad husband. He was rude, surly, didn't work and most likely played around. His parents were buttinski's, but still well-meaning. I kept waiting for some exciting event to happen, but it never did.

I'm glad both parties of this marriage have moved on and have found happiness with new spouses. But not every bad marriage makes for a compelling book.

[Nikki · Rating 2 out of 5]

If only Good Chinese Wife was what it was intended to be, a book about two individuals from rather different cultures which ultimately makes their marriage fail. But that is not what this memoir is about. Good Chinese Wife is about one woman who fails to listen to her gut and two people who never belonged together in the first place.

The author repetitively blames situations/issues on cultural differences, seemingly to make herself feel better some of the time and other times to blame the relationship on this alone. The book summary stating that this is about the "hazards of intercultural marriage" does a disservice to intercultural marriages and people in general. The issues between the author and Cai were not her being American and him being Chinese. The actual issues were:

-She was naive and never bothered to listen to her gut or speak up for herself until well into the relationship

-Cai had issues, including potentially being gay in a culture that would fully shame him for it.

-The "love" between the two never rang true, I honestly never understood why the author was even in love with Cai. We never get much more from her than his attractiveness being a reason to like him when they are hanging out. Then they are suddenly engaged and she is listing reasons she loves him, reasons mind you that we never really were privy to leading up to this point. Ultimately the reasons to loved Cai never really surface during the book, in fact many many reasons not to love him continually surface. I think had the author been more clear on why she seemed to love this man at any point in their relationship it would have been easier to accept why she stayed with him and wanted to be with him at all. But it really just comes across as being pointless.

-And one of the biggest issues? Cai is simply a major ass. I do not know how it took the author so long to see this.

Only a few times during the memoir did the author note any situation in which the issue was a cultural difference. These include the strange "no bathing after giving birth" issue, the grandparents potentially raising the child and the one scene where he apparently first threatens her and then says she is not like a good Chinese wife. This "good Chinese wife" statement was not a running theme in their relationship, at least not shared with us in the book. Really it just felt like a random comment by a jackass.

There were some additional issues, such as the author often assuming we knew specific elements of Chinese or Hong Kong culture and therefore did not explain them. It was also honestly not very well written, but I could have easily overlooked this if the book had better content. The book also suffered from repetition, which I noted earlier as well.

Overall it was an interesting topic and situation, but I hate that the author seems to blame it all on "cultural differences" when their issues were so obviously due to them as individuals, mentally and emotionally, inside or outside their specific cultures.

[CL · Rating 4 out of 5]

Received an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

As someone who has straddled two cultures for her whole life and for whom Hong Kong is a second home, I jumped on the chance to read this book. After all, what better way to gain an insight into the difficulties arising from the marriage of two cultures than to read what happened when it doesn't work.

Well, I think it's fair to say that after reading this, I know to be extremely wary of any man from the mainland China provinces who offers me his hand in marriage!

This story was painful in a lot of respects - the author doesn't hold back from revealing the extent of her naivety but for someone who is not blinded by love, you can't help but ask yourself how on earth did Susan end up marrying someone she barely knew who already had one failed marriage and an estranged daughter under his belt? And the paid-per-view movie on their wedding night? That would have had me running for an annulment for sure! And why anyone would think that a guy who gave you an STD and then denies knowing anything about how you could have got it, would make a good father to a child is beyond me!

Whilst I started this book for the Hong Kong aspect, where the book really got interesting is when Susan and Cai moved to San Francisco. Seeing Susan make excuses for Cai's failure to get a job and settle into life in America was disquieting at times but it was interesting to see the different dynamic that both sets of parents brought to the family when they came to stay.

I won't go into detail about how the book ends but needless to say thankfully Susan does get her happy ending but no, it isn't with Cai. I do have to admire her for not letting her bad experience put her off and having the faith and trust to try marriage a second time.

Finally, three life lessons this book can teach you:

1. You know you're not going to get your happy ever after when your new husband watches porn on your wedding night
2. Don't even consider starting a family with a man who gave you an STD
3. It's time to get out of there when you're expected not to wash for a month after childbirth / your parents-in-law move in to nag / your husband complains that your job pays too little despite not working himself / your husband dangles your crying baby over a staircase

www.loveisastateofmind.net

[Meg - A Bookish Affair · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Good Chinese Wife" is the memoir of Susan, who goes to study in Hong Kong and China as a young woman. She is fascinated with the people and the culture. She meets a man who is much older than she is, Cai. He is worldly and debonair and she falls for him. They get married quickly in order to sightsee around China and almost immediately, they begin having problems. Cai becomes very controlling of everything Susan does. Cai also seems to be hiding a lot of big secrets of his own. When the couple have a child, the stakes are even higher. This memoir is about one woman's struggle with trying to break away from an abusive relationship and how hard it is to do the right thing.

Blumberg-Kason recounts her relationship with Cai from the very beginning. He seems very different from a lot of the other men that she met in China. She sees him as worldly and smart. She can't help but to be attracted to him. I really felt for her. Yes, there were some warning signs but as the author shows us, it was really hard to see those warning signs at first. In fact, any of the signs that she noticed, she made up excuses for (it is so easy to think that things are going to get better and that you shouldn't worry about whatever is going on. This is definitely a classic case of someone being too scared to do what they know that they need to do. It really takes until Susan has her son for her to realize that she needs to do something to make the situation better for her child and her. You really feel for her in this book!

The writing of the book is good. This book gives the reader an unflinching look at how someone can be drawn and really paralyzed by the fear of leaving an abuser. We get a first row seat to see how the author stayed for so long. I think that she really captured her helplessness in a clear cut way. This memoir was often hard to read at times because of the subject matter but I really think that it would be a good pick for those who don't mind hard subjects who really want to understand more about why it is so difficult for people to get out of abusive relationships!

[Patty Mccormick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this one a lot! What struck me most is that this is Susan’s real life experiences. Cai would have been difficult to be married to even if he was American!! It probably should have been called Bad Chinese Husband. That doesn’t sound very nice though and probably wouldn’t sell many books. LOL. Susan blames herself for most of the problems in their marriage. Why do women think everything is their fault? I think had her child been a daughter her life might have been drastically different. My Chinese girlfriend has encountered many of the same cultural problems with her family after the birth of her son. Her mother quit working to live with them and continues to provide all childcare. They argue about child rearing practices and whether to follow the traditional Chinese methods or the American way to do things. This must be very difficult for many Chinese-Americans.

I have to say that I read this one a few weeks ago and I can still recall it vividly. This story has had a memorable impact on me. Since I read so many books, only a few stand out as memorable. Heck I don’t know about you, but sometimes I can’t even remember what I had for dinner two days ago!!!

I found this book to be heartbreaking at times. Susan evolves into a much stronger person and the ending is a happy one. This was a great memoir and a real page turner for me. I give this book 4 out of 5 stars.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books that I have ever read, Susan tells the story of her marriage to Cai, a man that she meets while in graduate school in Hong Kong. She talks about the trials and tribulations of being with a man who expects too much of her, without him giving anything in return. I was very impressed with Susan's style of writing; it was explanatory and detailed, talking about all of the issues that she faced from her perspective. There were many characters of the book that were introduced which added depth and intrigue to the story itself. Susan describes herself as honestly as possible, trying to bridge the cultural difference between the Chinese and American cultures. I don't want to spoil this book for you however, I would HIGHLY recommend that you give this book a good read. Not only is it excellent for those in cross-cultural relationships however, it is a good look into how marriage can be, and what you can do to be happy. I hope that Susan writes more books as I can't wait to read what else is in store!

[Alexandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very amateur, more like a blog.

[Travis Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A self-described wallflower, Susan wants to leave behind her mundane upbringing in suburban Chicago. China, the place for expat reinvention since 1979, provides her with a way: Cai Jun, a graduate student in Music from Hubei province.

The night Susan meets him she’s locked out of her dorm room, and after he returns her phone card, she talks to her friend Janice about this attractive exotic guy:

“He couldn’t understand the English instructions, so he didn’t even use the card,” I told Janice.

“I heard. Still, I don’t think you should’ve given it to him.”

“He seems honest.”

“You don’t know him.”

***

'Good Chinese Wife' is Susan Blumberg-Kason’s memoir of her failed marriage to a Chinese man named Cai Jun. Her marriage was an extension of her own interest in China. On a 1988 high school trip to Nanjing:

"That trip showed me I could be popular in ways I never experienced at school in the United States. China seemed like a place where I could start over and shed my inhibitions with new people who would never know I had been a wallflower all of my life."

It’s tempting to say she fell in love with China first, but in reality she fell in love with her own idea of China: the possibility of personal reinvention, that in the Middle Kingdom you can become the idealized version of yourself that you will never be back home. Cai represents this idea. From their first dance:

"…dancing with him seemed so different than it had with the other men in the room. Suddenly I felt coordinated, even graceful. … I also felt comfortable in his arms, as if he could whisk me away from my past inhibitions and humiliations."

It’s hard to know what else she sees in Cai. When justifying her pending marriage, she writes, “He listens, he understands, he cares”…but how? Some 200 pages later, I still don't know.

***

Susan is very much lost in a Chinese fairy tale and she describes their courtship as such, from their first dance to their first kiss to Cai’s own description of his life in the Cultural Revolution. Perhaps mundane for Cai, it comes off to Susan as something out of a movie.

The fairy tale ends in Shanghai, where the defining moment in their relationship occurs. After a long boat ride down the Yangtze from Wuhan, where Susan’s copy of Beijingers in New York provided what little company it could, Cai gives her the cold shoulder. He had promised Susan that he would take her to a book store to buy her an English book, but after buying train tickets, he abruptly changes his mind. When she brings this up, he won’t talk to her the whole train ride. When the a stewardess comes by offering lunch, he deliberately orders one.

Cai doesn’t improve from there. After a week of traveling, he tells her she needs to bathe because “women are dirty”, and has Susan bathe in a dirty bathroom, using the bowl and rag method. When she hesitates to wash herself with a rag above a squat toilet that serves as a haven for sewer rats, he decides she needs a lesson in how to bathe:

"Cai squatted next to the basin and pantomimed splashing water upward onto his crotch. “Like this.” He glared at me while he continued his miming. “Chinese peasant women take baths like this.” And then he repeated, with a snarl, how women were dirty, especially in the summer."

***

It didn’t surprise me to learn that Cai was already divorced. We’re given his perspective on what happened, but the way he treats Susan helps you draw your conclusions. He has a daughter with his ex-wife. Susan encourages him to be part of her life, just as later when she encourages him to be part of her son’s life.

But some people just aren’t meant to be parents or spouses, just as some people aren’t meant to live abroad. From the forced bath, Cai and Susan visit America, live in China and finally move to America.

Cai has a hard time adjusting to life in a new place. He handles it about as well as you’d expect. A new job doesn’t help. Neither do new friends (with whom he spends more time than his wife and son), and then there’s the circumcision.

Per Jewish custom, Susan wants her son ceremonially circumcised:

“In the Jewish tradition, baby boys have a circumcision ceremony.” Careful not to preach, I explained the tradition and why Jewish people subscribe to it."

Either she didn’t fully explain it or her words went over Cai’s head. Regardless, Cai thought it was an innocuous tradition; he likes tradition and he doesn’t understand what circumcision entails until he hears his newborn son scream. Cai comforts the boy, the glimmers of sympathy fading as he leaves the boy in a car seat and stomps off to his room.

***

"Numb, I continued to stand there and wonder if our cultural differences were greater than I could handle. … Was it China, or was I the one at fault?"

Their marriage was built on an awful foundation, doomed to failure from the first kiss to Susan’s flight from San Francisco. But it’s important to separate individual behavior from culture influences. It’s not cultural differences that ended their marriage; it’s not cultural differences that made Cai give Susan an STD, nor was it the root of his insinuation that “women are dirty” and their trouble at conceiving must have been her fault. No, it’s the behavior of a child lost in a world of adults; someone who has no control over the events around him and never will.

There is a basic way people should treat each other, especially in a marriage. Cai wanted a doormat. Unfortunately, for the first few years of marriage, he got one. After Susan finally has enough, we have to wonder, What took you so long? Why didn’t you just leave him before?

"If he divorced me, what would I tell my parents and my friends? It never crossed my mind to threaten Cai with divorce if he didn’t start treating me better. But even if I’d been stronger, I wouldn’t have given up after just three months of marriage. Surely everyone needed time to get used to living with another person."

I lived through two divorces growing up, so I’ve seen it firsthand: it’s not that easy. Not when you’re invested emotionally and perhaps financially in someone, not when there’s a child in your life. Babies often save marriages, and that’s rarely a good thing.

And in the end, we realize that’s it’s a difference not of culture, but rather, of character. Some people know how to treat others.

While others simply don’t.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are many thoughts when looking back on this story. My main 'takeaway' from Susan Kasons' tale of 'intercultural' marriage is that one MUST have self esteem before entering any relationship. Second, one must take time (yes, investment is hard for many) to see if the honeymoon phase is just that. One step more, to see if the feelings of one are reciprocated by the other. Third, one must be able to state his/her thoughts when in 'said' relationship. If you find yourself holding back your thoughts to keep the peace, this is not a relationship worth pursuing.
Susan, an American student came upon an Asian male while studying abroad in China. This happenstance relationship moved at rocket speed in what appeared (from her writing) as a one sided infatuation with this tall, dark eyed, well read Chinese National named Cai. Unfortunately, the chips in this relationship armor show very early. Cai asks Susan to a dance which he comes late (no apologies) and aside from two dances, ignores her. From this point we come to see the passive aggressive relationship that defines their future. One day Susan is helping Cai with his coursework and the next Cai is asking for her interest in dating with end result of a spring marriage. Almost in the same breath, Cai reveals that he is a divorcee and has a child living with his ex that he has little contact. All of these serve as red flags that Susan continually braises over. Cai continues during their time in China and beyond to behave in strange and provocative ways. He even manages to pass along an STD and yet, in Susans' delusional mind, frames this situation as her fault and possibly obtained by somehow touching a tainted toilet seat. Even though she knows this behavior is unacceptable, she still takes it and reconstructs the storyline. The two make way to America and settle into a heavily populated Chinese area of San Francisco where the unfavorable treatment continues. The difference is now, Susan and Cai have much larger bills than left in China including: a home, gas, a child, and medical care. Instead of being more supportive and helpful, Cai further turns the knife by ignoring her for weeks at a time. He delivers stern looks of disapproval and anger, countless nights in front of the tv watching Beijing news and porn, 100 mile round trips to see these ever elusive 'friends,' etc... Still, Susan shows loyalty and pursues onward with this relationship despite any/all pitfalls. She works through the entire pregnancy and never urges Cai to get a job and help out. Cai disappears for dozens of nights but has random periods of time where he is chivalrous : cooking her dinner, picking her up from the station, conferring with her on movie selections, are in an effort to show his appreciation for her having his son. These random bouts of kindness, however, are fleeting. I could not believe how Susan kept hold of her tongue and let Cai walk all over her even demeaning her work efforts. He was not making any money as Susan suggested he quit his job that made him sooo unhappy and search for more meaningful work. What does Cai do to reward her support... he denigrates her salary which was 10k more than his first job in the US). This tale of two incompatible individuals was hard to digest. I was not ever rooting for them to work things out. I was only looking for Susan to 'grow a set' and leave. I cannot believe how much mental abuse and disrespect this woman took for a man that was never willing to do any hard work. Susans' account was frustrating but honest and there were a few parts that were a bit suspenseful. I was miffed as to how she became so meek. Her parents seemed to be very supportive and not smothering. She was well traveled and worldly. These are generally not traits of the weak willed. I was left wondering what was Cai REALLY doing all those questionable times out of Susans' company and even wondering what his take on their relationship would look like.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up

I have a lot of feelings about this (mostly not positive but I’ll keep those to myself) and wouldn’t really rush out to recommend it despite my 3* rating.

I did race through it though - it was interesting to read about expat life (and life in general) in HK In the 90s - and it was the exact book I needed at the time to get me out of my reading slump.

[Morgana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Questo libro dovrebbe intitolarsi "Tutto quello che non dovete fare per non ritrovarvi sposate con l'uomo sbagliato" e dovrebbe essere letto da tutte le ragazzine come testo esemplificativo di cosa non deve mai essere considerato "normale" in un matrimonio. E' stata una lettura che mi ha fatto venire i nervi e ribollire il sangue almeno per l'80% delle pagine. Se si fosse trattato di un romanzo avrei solo pensato che la scrittrice avesse scelto di mettere in scena le sventure di una donna sprovveduta e sciocca, ma purtroppo si tratta di una storia vera, scritta dalla stessa protagonista, cosa che ti fa inveire contro di lei e contro l'assurdità delle sue scelte almeno una pagina sì e una no.
Per cominciare, non si capisce nemmeno perché lei sposi quest'uomo. Non ne dà alcuna descrizione speciale, non descrive un particolare trasporto, lui non pare così splendido e nemmeno si è speso più di tanto nel corteggiarla. A dirla tutta, sembra quasi che lei lo sposi per inseguire un'idea: sposare un uomo cinese, uno qualsiasi, per provare l'ebrezza dell'americana che sposa la cultura orientale. E va be', questi son gusti. Poi, però, l'illusione del matrimonio perfetto dura fino a un certo punto: se lui esce e torna tardi tutte le sere, non sta lavorando; se ti dice che puoi pensarci tu a fare una certa cosa, non vuol dire che si fida di te, ma che non gliene importa nulla; se il tuo solo uomo è tuo marito e contrai una malattia venerea, non è colpa dei bagni pubblici. E non parliamo poi dell'accettare imposizioni assurde travestite da "tradizioni culturali". Per fortuna, come spesso accade in storie simili a questa, le donne hanno una risorsa che le salva e che, nei casi migliori, dà loro la forza di salvarsi: i propri figli. Quindi l'ultima parte del libro, quando lei tira fuori il coraggio per uscire da questo matrimonio assurdo, è stata quella che mi ha preso di più.

[Noelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was as if I was reading a familiar novel, in a far place I had traveled to. Susan wrote about aspects, customs, places ( Hong Kong ) that I had learned about. Even certain behaviors and words in Mandarin, were familiar.
To coin a phrase which I dislike, " East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet," this was all too true in her account of her marriage experience. I fail to view it as a romance.
Although stereotyped by many, I have discovered that relationships between Asian men, and Caucasian women often go unpleasantly, .... I wish not ....
I don't want to present a critique that is solely based on racial and cultural differences. The main character, Susan, could have married anyone, with the same results, or fact simile.
At one point, I wanted to shout, " Susan , why are you not suspicious ??? " Susan was trusting, and in love. All of us have had these emotions, and learned .. Life experiences.
Cai Yun was nice, and charming when it suited him. Susan was a nice girl, gulliable and possessing straightforward trust.
The man she married had a secret agenda.
This is a story of survival.
However, you must read it for yourself, and perceive Susan's story from an individual perspective.

Happy reading !!!

[Autumn Ashbough · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book with a sense of foreboding, like I would any book where you just know the romantic interest is going to -- at the very least -- be emotionally abusive and it's not going to end well. The author does nothing to dispel this sense, but she does an excellent job of capturing the beautiful, blissful moments that occurred just enough to keep her with her then-husband, Cai. Even while you're mentally urging Susan to run, you understand her insistence that if she can just be the good, sweet, understanding wife, all the beauty and joy she first experienced with Cai will return.

I enjoyed all the local history, especially the tensions between the Hong Kong populace and the "Mainland" Chinese. The author also describes her travels in rural China and Shanghai, which are fascinating in their own right.

But the last third of the book is the real page-turner. Once Susan begins to realize she has to escape Cai with their child, the tension ratchets up considerably. She's got a goal, and there a plenty of roadblocks to maneuver through! I stayed up way past my bedtime to see how the story ended.

[Kristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Susan chronicles her relationship with Cai from their initial meeting while studying in Hong Kong, to their marriage living in parts of China and later California, to their eventual divorce. While I acknowledge that memoirs are naturally biased to make the author seem better than they are, I did not get much of that sense in this story. Susan is vulnerably honest in her recollections, describing herself as an inexperienced dater and timid partner to Cai until the birth of their son. I so enjoyed following her journey to stand up for herself and her son and her ultimate realization of how truly dysfunctional and abusive her marriage had become. I could not imagine sitting quietly in the face of things she suspected/knew Cai was doing. I appreciated the respect given to Chinese culture, which has much different norms from the Americanisms to which Susan was accustomed. I applaud Susan for sharing her story so candidly and for being brave to leave Cai for the sake of her son. I hope he was able to learn from their marriage and treat future partners better.

[Rainier · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my seeming never-ending quest to understand culture(s) and the cross-cultural experience, this book gave me some good food for thought. Unlike some reviewers, I get the narrator second-guessing herself and her difficulty in setting healthy, appropriate boundaries, especially as a young person. I can understand her confusion, "is this a matter of cultural differences or is what's going on just this individual/relationship?" particularly the deeper she goes in her marriage and process of acculturation.

[Kathryn Berla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Since when does writing about leaving your husband who watches porn, hangs out too much with his friends, and (possibly) cheats, qualify as a memoir? Even if they are from different cultures. And how do you publicly accuse him of your unproved suspicions regarding his sexual proclivity and infidelities when he's still alive, still the father of your son, and still supposedly a somewhat friend of yours?

[Brianna DuMont · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best memoirs whisk you away seamlessly into someone else's life. I enjoyed my escapism and devoured the book in two days. While the book centers on Susan and Cai's relationship, I enjoyed experiencing mainland China, the food, sights, sounds, and smells and learning about the differences between there and Hong Kong.