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Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantage of a Painful Childhood
“A brilliant, warm, inspiring book,” writes Henry Nouwen. LEGACY OF THE HEART is a gentle, regenerative approach to discovering the spiritual strength that is hidden in the scars of childhood. A graduate of Harvard Divinity School, therapist and minister Wayne Muller brings together the teachings of many different spiritual and religious traditions to create a program of healing that will appeal to readers of THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED and HOMECOMING. As Ram Dass writes, “Wayne Muller guides us in a process whereby, through gaining spiritual perspective, we transmute our psychological sufferings into grace.”
224 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1993
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
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January 18, 2011I truly appreciate the multi religion focus. I feel that all people who humble themselves and look to a god (be it Heavenly Father, God, Budda, Allah, etc.) for help and understanding are given answers and ideas that can bless their life and all of the world. Feels very respectful of religion of all kinds, which seems uncommon in any field, but especially in the area of depression and anxiety.
November 16, 2018
Loved it. This guy gets it. More than any other writer I've read in my attempts to heal. He really gets it. The exercises are excellent too. I recommend recording some of the meditations so you can play them back regularly. I'm so blessed to have found this book. Thank you Wayne.
April 29, 2018
As I was listening to Frederic Brussat's Spiritual Literacy, I was caught by a quote from this book about busyness being represented by Chinese characters meaning Death and Heart. As I wrestle with the juggling of art and religious practice with the necessity of the business of recognition for my art and the earning of money for daily bread, I need reminders that Art, Meditation, and Prayer are more important than checking off tasks on the to-do list.
Very thought provoking with many quotes from Gandhi and Thomas Merton. Mindfulness and the practice of loving kindness are suggested and described
I was surprised the book was still in print. It does talk a lot about AIDS when it took more lives, but the material is still helpful when you substitute AIDS for the term "life threatening illness."
It's worth reading, but boring. Glad I borrowed it from the library, so I am reading it to return by the due date. Otherwise it would gather dust with _Art is a Way of Knowing_ and _Praying Our Goodbyes_.
Very thought provoking with many quotes from Gandhi and Thomas Merton. Mindfulness and the practice of loving kindness are suggested and described
I was surprised the book was still in print. It does talk a lot about AIDS when it took more lives, but the material is still helpful when you substitute AIDS for the term "life threatening illness."
It's worth reading, but boring. Glad I borrowed it from the library, so I am reading it to return by the due date. Otherwise it would gather dust with _Art is a Way of Knowing_ and _Praying Our Goodbyes_.
July 14, 2019
Overall, this was an excellent book. It was not an easy read due to the nature of the subject. Reverend Muller draws from a number of faith traditions to empower adult children of dysfunctional families to free themselves from their painful pasts and open themselves to a promising future. His greatest asset is his empathy. I found myself nodding my head nearly continuously as I read the book. He understands how childhood abuse holds an adult back, but also how we might fear letting go of our identity as victim. He understands the drive to relive painful experiences over and over in hope of somehow resolving them. But he knows this path is a trap. We don't have to understand the "why" of our suffering in order to let it go. Such a simple, profound truth. My favorite line in the book is one Rev. Muller tosses away on page 125, where he writes, "...our healing is made possible when we make as much room in our hearts for joy as we have made for sadness and fear." Such a beautiful and simple thought. One who spends all her/his time focusing on one's sadness and fear has no time or space for joy.
My only quibble with this book is that Rev. Muller, in his few references to Judaism, calls us Hebrews. Wow. Hebrews? Clearly he hasn't spoken with many Jews. At least he doesn't call Asians Orientals. Other than that, it is an excellent and very empowering read.
My only quibble with this book is that Rev. Muller, in his few references to Judaism, calls us Hebrews. Wow. Hebrews? Clearly he hasn't spoken with many Jews. At least he doesn't call Asians Orientals. Other than that, it is an excellent and very empowering read.
May 9, 2022
Using spiritual practices from around the world and practical psychological experience, Muller has written a book that really helps. This book was recommended to me years ago by a therapist. "Read this chapter", she directed. I did and then put the book down after finding that chapter to be worth a year of therapy. Each chapter deals with a particular issue in traumatic childhood events and Muller's advice draws from the experience of his years as a therapist.
Recently, I ran across the book again and decided to check out the other chapters. For the first time, I read the book from cover to cover. I would read a chapter every 1-2 weeks. I learned that, although I may have not had some of the horrible traumas that many of his patients experienced, that the childhood issues that others experienced do not have to be experienced by the reader for the reader to benefit from Muller's wise advice on how to heal from that old hurt. As we roll back access to abortion across the US, there will be many more unwanted children who will suffer and can use this book. I hope it continues to be available for them.
Recently, I ran across the book again and decided to check out the other chapters. For the first time, I read the book from cover to cover. I would read a chapter every 1-2 weeks. I learned that, although I may have not had some of the horrible traumas that many of his patients experienced, that the childhood issues that others experienced do not have to be experienced by the reader for the reader to benefit from Muller's wise advice on how to heal from that old hurt. As we roll back access to abortion across the US, there will be many more unwanted children who will suffer and can use this book. I hope it continues to be available for them.
November 16, 2022
A powerful read that discusses all areas that need addressing for people who’ve had painful childhoods, usually due to their toxic parents. It includes useful exercises as well. I like that there were examples from many religious and spiritual traditions there.
All in all, I find the book useful but I also think that there’s perhaps too much focus on the heart. I find that healing is best done when it combines the examination of past events and compassionate awareness of the present to avoid replaying the broken record of our childhood stories.
All in all, I find the book useful but I also think that there’s perhaps too much focus on the heart. I find that healing is best done when it combines the examination of past events and compassionate awareness of the present to avoid replaying the broken record of our childhood stories.
September 7, 2024
This book offers a comprehensive exploration of the lasting effects of childhood trauma and provides practical strategies for healing. It covers various aspects of trauma, including self-perception, emotional scars, hope, despair, forgiveness, fear, belonging, scarcity, judgment, humility, communication, stillness, disappointment, habits, isolation, and loving kindness.
The book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, compassion, and human connection as key factors in overcoming childhood trauma and cultivating a fulfilling life.
The book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, compassion, and human connection as key factors in overcoming childhood trauma and cultivating a fulfilling life.
September 10, 2019
“My true religion is kindness.”
“Our pain does not makes us a victim; our gifts do not make us important. We are simply human- nobody special.”
Lots of gems in this book. Can see myself revisiting from time to time, especially the chapters on Grandiosity and Humility; and Drama and Simplicity. Anyone that has had a dysfunctional upbringing should read. This book called me out on a lot of my shit, lots to work on for sure.
“Our pain does not makes us a victim; our gifts do not make us important. We are simply human- nobody special.”
Lots of gems in this book. Can see myself revisiting from time to time, especially the chapters on Grandiosity and Humility; and Drama and Simplicity. Anyone that has had a dysfunctional upbringing should read. This book called me out on a lot of my shit, lots to work on for sure.
July 7, 2024
Life-changing! Literally.
As someone who has struggled with my sense of worth and, at times, my existence altogether, this book has profoundly affected how I perceive myself and those who abused me and made me feel like I would never be worthy of love or happiness or any kind of peace. Now, I see things differently. I feel lighter, less burdened, free. Will re-read this like a Bible for my soul's peace. Highly recommend!
As someone who has struggled with my sense of worth and, at times, my existence altogether, this book has profoundly affected how I perceive myself and those who abused me and made me feel like I would never be worthy of love or happiness or any kind of peace. Now, I see things differently. I feel lighter, less burdened, free. Will re-read this like a Bible for my soul's peace. Highly recommend!
August 20, 2019
Amazing book, Wayne Muller draws on many different spiritual truths from Eastern and Western religions to talk about healing from past hurts. This is very much mindfulness self-compassion - before it was trendy. This was written in the early 90s. I think anyone could find wisdom and healing in this book.
June 24, 2019
Beautiful, a real treasure for the healing heart.
December 27, 2022
This book was right on time.
Read
February 6, 2024read a long time ago, donated to library 2/24
March 9, 2017
An amazing book if your childhood has been damaged in any way.
March 30, 2024
Right when I needed it, this book came into my life.
Its approach is gentle, compassionate, understanding.
And who doesn't love quotes by Thomas Merton?
Its approach is gentle, compassionate, understanding.
And who doesn't love quotes by Thomas Merton?
September 9, 2024
This book changed my life when I read it years ago. I recommend it to all the people I find out had painful childhoods and seem open to a book like this.
Now that I'm slowly reading "The Body Keeps Score", a book that was recommended to me by a friend, I wondered what I said about this book on goodreads. I'm surprised to find that I never reviewed it! I'm not too surprised, because having a traumatic childhood wasn't "fashionable" like it seems to be today.
I was deeply ashamed 10 years ago, when a friend found I was checking out books on PTSD from the library one day. Now, I publicly follow Patrick Teahan in instagram, a therapist specializing in childhood trauma, like it's no big deal! We have certainly come a long way!!
Back to this book, this changed my life because none of the books on PTSD felt like the authors really understood it and all the kinds of trauma. I felt like people only knew PTSD as in military veterans, sexual assault victims, or alcoholic parents beat them, and that's it. This author has helped people with so many different kinds of trauma, that he actually gets it. There's a whole section on not being a unique person that I think no other book even touches on. Once I could let go of that, I think my healing really took on a new path. Finally, I could tell myself "Look, some shitty stuff happened to you, but you're not the only one who had to regularly call the cops or run away from home as a kid. You're unfortunately one in a million." And that feeling of loneliness melted away.
One caveat about this book is that it is quite spiritual and although I'm now no longer spiritual, I think it is still beneficial. I think the way religious stories are brought up is pretty balanced as not to make anyone feel othered because they aren't specifically Christian or Buddhist, etc. The author went to divinity school at Harvard, not some evangelical church focused place, so I think he wanted to write something that appeals to everyone.
Now that I'm slowly reading "The Body Keeps Score", a book that was recommended to me by a friend, I wondered what I said about this book on goodreads. I'm surprised to find that I never reviewed it! I'm not too surprised, because having a traumatic childhood wasn't "fashionable" like it seems to be today.
I was deeply ashamed 10 years ago, when a friend found I was checking out books on PTSD from the library one day. Now, I publicly follow Patrick Teahan in instagram, a therapist specializing in childhood trauma, like it's no big deal! We have certainly come a long way!!
Back to this book, this changed my life because none of the books on PTSD felt like the authors really understood it and all the kinds of trauma. I felt like people only knew PTSD as in military veterans, sexual assault victims, or alcoholic parents beat them, and that's it. This author has helped people with so many different kinds of trauma, that he actually gets it. There's a whole section on not being a unique person that I think no other book even touches on. Once I could let go of that, I think my healing really took on a new path. Finally, I could tell myself "Look, some shitty stuff happened to you, but you're not the only one who had to regularly call the cops or run away from home as a kid. You're unfortunately one in a million." And that feeling of loneliness melted away.
One caveat about this book is that it is quite spiritual and although I'm now no longer spiritual, I think it is still beneficial. I think the way religious stories are brought up is pretty balanced as not to make anyone feel othered because they aren't specifically Christian or Buddhist, etc. The author went to divinity school at Harvard, not some evangelical church focused place, so I think he wanted to write something that appeals to everyone.
March 30, 2015
In the days of this being published, everyone in our culture was on the "positive thinking will change everything in your life" chant. Well, not so, although the flip side is true as well. At the end of the day, people who have the resources to do so, can change life by deciding to go another way. They can use an adult perspective to review what was painful in childhood and build on that, comfort their childhood pain, and move on constructively. But, I have to say to anyone in pain, you have to find your own peace, and maybe this book can help.
September 7, 2014
Wayne Muller writes with heart and wisdom as he examines the impact and influence experienced by those of us who grew up in families of pain. Many passages had me nodding in recognition of my life, but just as often I realized that what was described fit my mother or my father. I so appreciate Muller's references to various wisdom traditions, including Sufi, Buddhist and Christian, as he shares practices that help readers melt and move through broken strategies that shut us off from peace, belonging, and hope.
December 15, 2007
A difficult read for several reasons. While presented as a "self-help" type of book, it actually reads more like a textbook. The thought processes were all familiar at this relatively late stage in my life -- this probably would have been more useful to me 30 years ago. The exercises at the end of each chapter were beyond my capability to accomplish alone. They all would have required competent supervision for me to avoid negative outcomes.
June 26, 2008
This isn't an easy book to read if you have had pain in your childhood, but it is helpful and specific about things you can do now to move from pain into healing. Muller challenges you all the way and won't let you feel sorry for yourself but rather pushes you to realize that as an adult you have work to do for the rising generation that won't get done if you steep in the muck of the past. Provocative and helpful. The insights are significant.
May 19, 2013
This book came at a perfect time in my life when many things were difficult, and I felt many truths of God beautifully explained. I would recommend it to anyone looking to learn more deeply the things of the heart and how it operates, as well as how God can interact with our hearts during painful confusing seasons. I remember more from this book than I have from a book in a long time, and found myself compelled to constantly look back to previous chapters.
September 21, 2008
This stands some conventional wisdom on its head - "Advantages" of a painful childhood? Well worth reading for its wide range of quotes, quirky way of mining good from bad, and big picture thoughts. A bit of a self help book, with "exercises" thrown in, without being annoying at all.
August 5, 2013
“We want to convince our parents to apologize, to love us, and to make right what was done so horribly wrong…Let what is true be true: We were hurt.” This statement by the author calls it out. He goes on to explain our vulnerability makes us more open to our experience of God.
August 25, 2009
At a time of loss of a loved one, my childhood memories surfaced and this book helped me explore those feelings that were so deep inside and of course to confront them.
September 30, 2009
A book that I used to highly recommend to my clients when I had a psychotherapy practice.
Supportive and evocative without being preachy or mushy.
Supportive and evocative without being preachy or mushy.
July 12, 2017
So far I really am enjoying this book. It has come at the right time in my life.
January 17, 2015
Wonderful, great for understanding the impact of childhood experiences, even if they weren't very painful. Gently written. Includes suggestions for exercises and meditations.
November 16, 2007
Beautiful, compassionate book for survivors of the slings and arrows.
March 29, 2016
Simply outstanding. Far and away the best book of its type I have ever encountered.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews