Living in Liberation: Boundary Setting, Self Care and Social Change

by Cristien Storm

What happens when a collection of artists, musicians, and activists grapple with the violent assault and murder of one of their friends? What happens when they refuse to give in to fear and focus their anger and pain on ways to imagine self-defense as a revolutionary tool for social justice? For over two decades, Cristien Storm has grappled with these questions as a self-defense instructor, writer, therapist, activist, survivor, partner, friend, and community member. As a co- founder and former Executive Director of Home Alive, an anti-violence organization that offers self-defense and boundary setting classes on a sliding scale formed in response to the brutal rape and murder of singer Mia Zapata, Cristien Storm developed self-defense programs that recognize the link between the concepts of self-defense and social change. Living in Liberation outlines this innovative and radical approach to self-defense that challenges those practicing boundary setting and self-care to see themselves not simply as individuals but also as local, national, and global community members. Living in Liberation argues that responses to violence can and should embody boundary setting, self-care, and self-defense skills that interrupt victim-blaming, fear-based approaches and locate healing within the social context of community. Living in Liberation roots boundary setting and self-care in larger visions of happier and healthier communities, all the while holding on to the complexities of individual safety and social justice. There are many books on boundaries. Most of them have good skills to share. What Living in Liberation offers that is unique is a simple, direct approach to boundaries and boundary setting that reflects the complexity of the world we live in while offering practical tools. This book looks deeply at how oppression (racism, classism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, ableism, ageism) and privilege impact the context and interpersonal environments in which our boundary setting occurs. Living in Liberation looks beyond physical self-defense and individual safety to important issues connected with setting, maintaining, and negotiating personal boundaries within larger social context and makes links and connections between self-care, community care, social justice, healing from individual and collective trauma, and social change. Living in Liberation is a practical reference on how to set boundaries, limits and negotiate interpersonal needs and wants in a variety of contexts and conditions. The book offer readers suggestions on how to set boundaries, create self-care goals, identify and address challenges, and understand the complexity of intuition as part of self-defense. In addition, readers are invited to explore larger social context and form their own connections between self-care, community care, social justice, and social change. Storm also includes exercises culled from years of developing and facilitating anti-violence and boundary setting curricula as well as her experience working with trauma survivors as a mental health therapist. Living in Liberation is an important reference for readers looking for boundary setting skills as well as a practical resource for those who wish to dive deeper into considering self-care and social change. This book is for any one who has ever struggled with boundaries and everyone who wants to not only improve their relationships, but work to make a better world. The book is a great resource for support, discussion or study groups.

Genres: Nonfiction, Social Justice, Self Help, Mental Health

178 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

The content of this book is excellent. I am giving only 4/5 stars because this book is in desperate need of a copy editor and the spelling/grammatical mistakes sometimes drove me to distraction. (I started editing it myself with a pen for the sake of my own sanity).

The book presents a much more nuanced approach to boundaries and boundary-setting than I've ever seen before, discussing not only our personal well-being and defenses, but the way our social and societal situations & privileges inform boundary-setting. I found it helpful the way the author discusses how boundary-setting also requires learning how to ask for our wants and needs to be met, not just learning how to say "no." I also appreciated the different tools the author describes that we can use for setting boundaries in a range of contexts and settings.

This book is helpful, healing, inspiring, and empowering. I'm a big fan, but I also dearly hope this book gets a bit of editing before the third edition comes out.

[Aida · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is legitimately THE BEST and most compassionate, nuanced, accessible book I have EVER read about boundaries. I 100% recommend everyone read it and that’s a big damn recommendation. It has practical steps, explained theory, and so much understanding of the world in its complexity. There are some typos and areas that are repetitive BUT that small potatoes.

[Jennie Chantal · Rating 4 out of 5]

“To this end, if we are working towards not just our own individual safety but towards changing the conditions in which people are not safe or are harmed, boundaries are about imagining radical possibilities as much as responding to events in the present.“

This is an excellent resource book full of relevant examples and practices. It is written in a more accessible language than many on the topic. It consistently reminds the reader of how context and identity affect boundary setting. I appreciated so much the inclusion of how oppression fits into the picture although I would have liked some discussion and examples of how boundary setting is impacted by ableism and disability.

It really does need a copy editor as there are many errors that take away from the reading. There was also some repeated content that could be trimmed back. Will recommend.

[Nina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found out about this book through the sex gets real podcast, which I love. This book is definitely empowering. It is very careful, and sometimes that care comes across as vagueness. I love the steps involved in setting a boundary: Name the Behavior, Set a Directive, Broken Record, and Ending the Interaction. I'm thinking about how I can apply these to my relationship with my mother. Loved so much of this book, but it needs a copy editor.

[Issy Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extremely helpful book when determining the factors personally needed in order to feel comfortable engaging in boundary work. The link between societal constraints and comfortability with boundary making was a very interesting and intrinsically important view. A key idea was that our (rather than personal) safety comes before our comfortability. We can occupy space and we should without shame, we should view things with compassion, and different tools work for different scenarios.

[Audacia Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of super useful tools and reframes for thinking about and practicing boundary setting under many different circumstances. Could really use a copy edit before the next printing.

[Famous · Rating 4 out of 5]

i don't generally read anything from the self-help category, but a good friend sent me this one and it was next in the 'to read' pile. there is some good stuff, breaks down the process of setting good boundaries and what else might be going on when that is difficult to do. firmly set in an anti-oppression framework which would be mightily important to me and is written by 'one of my own' so i find it more relevant than i might otherwise. and i admit, i'm actively engaged in thinking through ethical practice in my relationships and seems boundary setting is a first step.