Diluted Reality

by Jessica Spinelli

Villains aren’t born, they are made. They emerge from the dark recesses of the human experience: abuse, trauma, neglect, and unhealed wounds that fester over time. For Xavier, these scars, hidden beneath the surface, twisted and distorted a once-innocent heart.

Xavier has always known he was a mistake. Born to a promiscuous, drug-addicted mother, his hellish childhood in a radically religious and abusive household drove him in and out of institutions, until he finally escaped at the age of 16.
Isolated in a world where betrayal was the only constant, Xavier's only refuge is in his music and art…until he meets Avry. In him, Xavier finds something he’s never found in anyone else: acceptance. With a bond forged in shared pain and tragedy, the two runaways embark on an adventure across the country, seeking freedom and solace in each other’s company, causing chaos every step of the way.

But everything changes in New Orleans when Xavier meets Delia, whose past included things of the macabre, laced with heroin. Together Delia and Xavier begin a vicious drug and sex-induced downward spiral, awakening the demons that had long resided in his soul.

Can he summon the strength to fight back the darkness and torment that haunt him, or will he forever be consumed by their relentless grip?

Genres: Thriller, Fiction

284 pages, Paperback

Published May 25, 2016

Reviews

[Mariah📕🖤 · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 36%

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. While I was so excited to read this book I was quickly saddened by derogatory language used. The ‘R’ word was utilized in a descriptive way and was completely unnecessary to the storyline. There was also a scene between two MMCs and twins, after drug & alcohol usage a sexual encounter happened with the twin girls who were found out to be the age of 14. After deciding to DNF the book I did search the kindle version for the use of derogatory language which resulted in finding the ‘R’ word utilized 3 times throughout the book. The author was notified directly of my reasoning to not finish this story.

[Kenia Coronado]

Dnf at 44%. Not adding a rating because i did not finish but i do want to point out there are 14 year olds who cannot consent to s*x in this book. As well as the R word being used multiple times and thats a slur that should not be used so nonchalantly.

[Lisa Bertona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dark. Haunting. Unforgettable.

This book is the kind of story that pulls you into the shadows—not to scare you, but to show you something raw.

Every chapter feels like a descent into something deeper, darker—and yet, you don’t want to stop. You can’t stop.

It’s rare to find a book that unsettles you and enchants you in the same breath, but this one does it masterfully. A true masterpiece of dark storytelling.

[Kayda Noelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨I was sent this book by the author in exchange for my honest review ✨

I finished this yesterday and really had to sit with my thoughts for a little bit. I have such a hard time writing reviews for books with overly sensitive topics!

Overall, this was written so well…seriously, as others have mentioned, it really felt like a memoir.

This was dark. This was heavy. This was heartbreaking. You really have to be someone who can empathize with the subjects at the heart of this book in order to get into it. Definitely suggest checking trigger warnings before diving in, but just know that there really is no happy ending or conclusion to be content with. This was DARK fiction through and through as you follow along with Xavier’s story on loss, grief, physical abuse, substance abuse, etc.
I found myself wanting to root for him, scream at him, and cry for him 😭

I will say there were a few topics that didn’t sit well with me as a reader, but given the genre i knew what i was in for…
If you are into the dark side of fiction and want to experience a whirlwind of emotions…this one may be for you!

[Ashily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd like to thank the author for a copy of this book! She had warned me that it was pretty dark and I told her "the darker the better" 😂😂

The trigger warnings are plentiful in this one, lemme tell ya: family trauma, child abuse, self harm, drug use, sexual assault, murder.

However, it is a very powerful character driven story with an underdog character you kind of want to root for but you're also a little terrified of.

Overall, I was very engaged in the story and couldn't wait to see where it would go.

[Joud Alkhuzayem · Rating 2 out of 5]

At the beginning of the story his story and the tragedy he went through broke me. Especially what he had to endure growing up made my heart broken. And his journey with battling drug addiction. But sadly I grew to despise him the fact he and his previous girlfriend started to molest a sweet girl and fucked a dead corpse that made me sick to my stomach 🤢🤢
Don’t get me started with the end what the fuck was that does he not understand the meaning of consent.
Sadly I’m slightly dissapointed on the fact that the author did poorly with the sexualisation of young girls in this book.
But the Drug and Addiction issues were addressed greatly.
This is not attack against the author but I’m hopeful she’d learn to navigate and work through her mistakes.

[Danielle Barraza · Rating 5 out of 5]

“𝓢𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶𝓼 𝔀𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓵𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓬𝓱 𝔀𝓮 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓼𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓷”

In Diluted Reality we learn some villains aren’t born but are made. We follow Xavier’s pov from childhood into adulthood. This book is very character based and extremely dark and takes you on an emotional rollercoaster. It deals with religion based childhood trauma, abusive family, mental health institutions, addiction, and so much more. We follow Xavier on this journey of finding his love for art and music and as he travels to different cities and states, and also as he meets new people and does some extremely wrong things. While reading this I just had this deep sadness for Xavier and the life that was handed to him. I couldn’t help but wish that he finds something, ANYTHING really, that got him to the point of happiness. We meet many side characters some lovable and some you just want to scream in their face! This book starts off dark and just gets darker as it continues. You really never know what’s going to happen next. I absolutely cried while reading this and some moments I just had to pause and ask myself “Did that just happen?”. Overall this book was just so good and I will be thinking about it for a long time and I’m still processing all of its contents. I highly recommend if you’re looking for Dark fiction book that’s written in the MCs perspective, but with that being said this book is HEAVY and has LOTS of triggers so be mindful of that going in.

I also want to thank the author for sending me her book (and some extra goodies) in exchange for an honest review I am beyond grateful because I absolutely loved this book in all its dark glory!<3

[Catherine Belanger · Rating 1 out of 5]

wtf

[Reader Views · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Diluted Reality” by Jessica Spinelli is a dynamic slice of urban life that you need to read for a fresh change of pace. This is the author’s first book, which tells the startling story of a demon-seized loner named Xavier who struggles against the odds. Out of the gate, this young man has life stacked against him. His mother was addicted to drugs and was promiscuous. Religion, abuse, and institutionalization defined his childhood until the age of 16 when he finally got out of that life.

Art and music are this loner’s saving graces, his only friends, except for Avry. Together they travel around the country. New Orleans is the place that changes things. Xavier meets Delia, a woman whose past tinted is with heroin and very dark things. The two of them enter a hardcore world of sex and drugs until Avry is driven away. The question is, can Xavier get free of Delia’s powerful sway? As he looks for Avry, a former drug addict named Angelika enters the picture. Is Xavier happy with her? Can he ever be free from the dark rollercoaster he rides? He’s been running from his inner demon for a long time now, and the unbelievable truth finally brings him face to face with it. Is redemption possible?

Spinelli has crafted an underdog character you can root for, and some pretty fine supporting characters too. As you delve into this story, you will be reminded of just how good gritty dramas can be. This writer pulls no punches, and she brings an empathetic, personal feel to what would be an otherwise harsh story. One of my favorite parts was the writer’s descriptions of the French Quarter in New Orleans, which really brought it to life.

The dialogue is full of energy and heart, and the first-person point of view sets you right into the character’s mindset and emotions right away. Plus, there is some really poignant poetic phrasing here and there, which lets you know there’s more to the story. If you like character-driven stories that are intense and unpredictable, you will love “Diluted Reality” by Jessica Spinelli.

[Kristen Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from the author for an honest review.
I don’t usually read books like this I am usually strictly a romance reader. So if you’re looking for a feel good romance this is not it!
But I am so glad Jessica contacted me about reading her book.
This was well written considering the sensitive topics.
This is a very dark and twisted story.

The book follows Xavier. He is a VERY troubled guy.

This kind of felt like a memoir of Xavier’s life. And let me tell you he goes through some shit.

From the very start you see how tragically the main characters live was and how much his whole family just hated their lives and frankly hated him.

And the family he has…. Man they are AWFUL.

This guy went from having a horrible childhood to being a deeply troubled teen to being a really F’ed up adult.



Through the story you learn about his stuggles to fit in as a kid and how his home life affects him. When he is a teen he runs away and is homeless for a long time just going from place to place until he gets in with the wrong people and gets addicted to drugs….

This book has a lot of triggers and sensitive and very graphic scenes so be sure to check all that before going into this book.

[Hannah’s Bookworld · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was kindly gifted this book by the author in exchange for an honest review — so here it is! 😃

It did take me a little while to get into the story, but once I did… wow. I knew going in that this book would be dark (the author provided trigger warnings, which include abuse, sexual assault, self-harm, suicide, addiction, and violent imagery), but I still wasn’t fully prepared for how heavy it would be.

I’m mainly a romance reader, so this was a step outside my comfort zone, and it definitely pushed boundaries. The main character’s story starts out heartbreaking, and in the beginning I found myself feeling sorry for him. But as the book progressed, that sympathy slowly shifted — he became a truly awful person, and that change was difficult but compelling to read.

I ended up rating this 3⭐️. Some parts really gripped me, while others dragged a little, and the ending wasn’t to my taste. That said, I think readers who enjoy dark fiction will find this book a good read.

If you do decide to pick it up, I can’t stress enough the importance of checking the trigger warnings first, as this book doesn’t hold back.😢

Thank you again to the author for sending me this copy. I did enjoy certain aspects of it, but ultimately, I realised really DARK fiction just isn’t my cup of tea.🥰

[Rowan Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will truly take you on a twisted journey. It will continue to surprise you and it will live in your brain. This is absolutely the best psychological thriller I've ever read, and I can't think of anything else similar to it. It breaks all the stereotypes of your common thriller. While reading, you will feel for the main character, Xavier, and understand why he does certain things. But, at the same time, most of his decisions will leave you devastated and stunned. The story flows so well together, never leaving you bored or wanting to willingly put the book down. There are so many scenarios and experiences to relate to and so many characters to analyze. This book will leave you disgusted, astonished, and speechless. It is not for the faint of heart (or stomach) AT ALL. This book fits a niche that a lot of people would turn their nose up at, diving into gruesome topics, some of which are harshly real for some people. But, if the darkest of dark and haunting reality is your thing, you will not regret picking up this book.

[Albert Linog · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Diluted Reality" left me stunned. Four days after finishing it, I'm still processing what I read.

Spinelli's unflinching portrayal of Xavier's journey from abused child to addict to perpetrator of violence is both devastating and captivating. The writing is visceral - her descriptions of addiction are hauntingly accurate without ever glamorizing.

What makes this book powerful is how it refuses to offer simple judgments. Xavier is both victim and villain, and watching his relationship with Delia ("We were the darkness that swelled in one another") is like witnessing a slow-motion car crash.

Fair warning: some scenes are brutally graphic.

This isn't a book for everyone - the content warnings should be taken seriously. But for readers who can handle challenging material, "Diluted Reality" offers a profound examination of trauma, addiction, and the blurred line between victim and perpetrator.

A remarkable debut that will leave you shaken.

[Mandy Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can see where this book might not be for everyone. I however found it to be well written. Yes the material is hard to read about, but there is a lot of truth in it, especially in the life of an addict. Xavier's first person account shows that he has been shaped by pain and neglect. Abandoned by his addict mother, left with a grandmother who abused and neglected him, he lashes out. The old saying "hurt people, hurt people" rings true in the words of this book. While reading this book I wasn't sure how I felt about the MMC. There were times I felt pity, anger, and disgust towards him. I am a therapist in real life and I have hear these stories in my daily work. It's hard to listen to but necessary. Spinelli did a great job capturing the thoughts and internal struggle of an addict. Nature versus Nurture are at play here. I had a thought about the MMC and it was accurate. This really was a good story, a hard story, but a good one.

[Thais • tata.lifepages • · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was probably the darkest book I’ve ever read 😳 If you enjoy psychological thrillers and books that will tear your heart out and leave you stunned, this is it! Diluted Reality is ideal for those that enjoy thrilling substance abu$e related movies like Requiem of a Dream and The Basketball Diaries! The story is super well written and will keep you HOOKED and grabbing the edge of your seat the entire time! This book was a shocking reading experience to say the least! I never let go of hope while reading, I always hoping Xavier would find a way out of this dark hole he was falling into. There were some specks of light and friendship in his story that left me feeling like maybe he could make it. Avry was an unexpected found family that kept me rooting the entire time. Fair warning, there is NO happy ending & the trigger list is pages long 💀

What you can expect:
💀written from the MMCs POV
💀dark & twisted
💀making of a villain
💀page turning despair
💀tragic love stories

[Henna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sent this in a Goodreads giveaway. This a dark book which shows insight into a life of two characters who don't have any money and what is done to survive. It starts out with the main character being surrounded by family so there are many aspects involved however towards the middle the story swerves into a constant phase of the two main characters moving from city to city to start over which gets a bit boring. Having said this towards the end the story starts to pick up again becoming a compelling, gripping and almost psychological thrilling read.

It is definitely a unexpected way of a book to express those of a working class background but however of importance to express in this way as it makes those of higher classes aware of the reality of what it is like to live in poverty.

[Pru Kensington · Rating 5 out of 5]

FINALLY SOMETHING ORIGINAL. Another edition is being released and I can't wait I will be running for it! Just Unreal!! AN ESSENTIAL MUST READ - YOU WILL NEVER READ ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THIS! This book was a crazy ride from start to finish. I never knew what was going to happen. But be warned - it’s darker than dark!! Definitely not for the faint of heart. Some parts even left me nauseous, but even days after finishing it, I can’t stop thinking about it!! Just WOW!!
This wonderous read is unique in more ways than one- it’s written from the perspective of a morally grey/morally black MMC in a memoir style.
I hope this author explodes!! Everyone should know her name.

[Tonia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Diluted Reality is a hauntingly beautiful and deeply disturbing exploration of the human psyche. The author crafts a dark and atmospheric world that will grip you from the first page. The characters are complex and flawed, their struggles both relatable and terrifying. This isn't just a thriller; it's a character study that lingers in your mind long after you've finished reading. The prose is lyrical and evocative, drawing you into Xavier's fractured reality. If you're looking for a novel that will challenge you, unsettle you, and leave you breathless, "Diluted Reality" is a must-read.

[Tess Corker · Rating 1 out of 5]

first of all i was recommended this book because of a supposed huge plot twist and there isn’t a single plot twist it goes exactly how u expect it to where he ends the book as an evil junkie. also everyone just casually admitting that they like to read a book about a little boy fucking a corpse, a couple tying up and raping a poor girl, and a evil dude ass raping and murdering one of the only other women he’s “truly appreciated” in his life. what are we doing 😭 the real question is how many weird ass ppl were reading this book and getting turned on cause it felt like a really bad smut book 🤢

[Ash | The Curious Nook · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diluted Reality is not a story you simply read — it’s one you survive. Jessica Spinelli invites you to sit beside Xavier and listen as he unpacks the making of a monster. And you’ll find yourself listening, unable to look away..

Her raw, conversational style pulls you in, personal, unfiltered, and deeply unnerving. Xavier’s voice stuck with me long after the final page. This is not a light read, but for those who appreciate twisted intensity and psychological depth, it delivers in full.

Approach with caution and curiosity.

Ash — The Curious Nook

[Jessica DiPiazza · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Goodreads Giveaway win. 3.5 stars for me. I liked this book, the author’s writing technique was a bit different but the story made me feel like I was reading a memoir. A sad story about an abused boy who runs away and lives on the streets, becoming addicted to drugs, mainly heroine and struggles with recovery. Recounting the awful things he did to score and the people he hurt and lost along the way.

[Vanessa Fiore · Rating 1 out of 5]

this book is total trash. save yourself the effort and don't read it. how is this written by a woman??? the "R" word, like others mentioned, is randomly and unnecessarily scattered throughout the book. Also, I can't count how many rapes scenes. don't get me wrong, not every book about addiction has to have a turn-around story. However, wtf was the point of this one? the dude is an evil predator? that's not a book. I'll be throwing this in the trash.

[Megon · Rating 4 out of 5]

So the book was well written, it was interesting, and it kept you reading. It was like a memoir of a horrible person who did horrible things. With some pretty graphic descriptions of the horrible things. But it didn't really go anywhere. It kind of just wandered around, much like Xavier, and you just get to follow it for a little, then it just stops. I did get this book from goodreads.

[Danielle Louth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as a give away from goodreads. Warning this novel is not for the faint of heart. It makes Verity by Colleen Hoover like a child's bed time story. It was well written with twists throughout. I wanted mare for the main character, Xavier, but he was dealt a difficult hand in life. The story does not have your fairy tale ending, but I enjoyed the realism.

[Lisa Sanchez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me riveted from the jump. It appealed to all of my lizard brain feelies. The story is incredible and it’s a great read; oftentimes making your heart race! It’s summer. Pump up your adrenaline! Jessica Spinelli is an amazing storyteller!

[Tamara Froehlich · Rating 1 out of 5]

I won this book from Goodreads, so I tried really hard to finish it, but I just couldn’t do it. Some parts were interesting, but the book really dragged and got quite dark, so once there were scenes involving necrophilia and rape, that was enough for me.

[Jennifer Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whoa... this book messed me up. Be prepared to feel queasy at numerous moments. This one will stay with me for a while. I loved it, just know you are getting into one dark ride.

[Dark Romance Society · Rating 4 out of 5]

What pushes someone into darkness? For Xavier, the catalysts were abuse, heartbreak, drugs, and loss.

His mother's abandonment at a young age led to years of abuse by family members. But when Xavier reached his limit, he fled, beginning a perilous journey that shaped him into the villain he became.

This book is a rollercoaster of emotions, eliciting both compassion and contempt for the main male character.

[Christi M · Rating 5 out of 5]

what an amazing book. this read as though it were a memoir to me; it felt that real. Absolutely loved it!

[TigerLily · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Goodreads Win
Diluted Reality by Jessica Spinelli . A very Powerful Read. This is a very compelling dark tragic tale of a young, cocky, arrogant man, abandoned by his drug addict parents & brought up by a highly religious grandmother who resented having him, he was blamed & punished & bullied, he escapes his tortured childhood & adolescence & makes a life for himself, drug's, music & sex.
This is cleverly written, from the prospective of the villain, it's shows his humanity & how he justifies the monstrous thing's he does & he believes everyone else is too blamed for his mistakes. what does it take for a violent drug addict to finally realise that he needs to take control of himself!!!!
From the moment I started reading I was fascinated & quickly hooked & found myself not wanting to put the book down or stop reading. It has given me a lot of unpleasant things to think about. Well deserved the 5 star rating.