No More Assholes: Your 7 Step Guide to Saying Goodbye to Guys and Finding the Real Man You're Looking For

by Chantal Heide

Chantal Heide, the leading voice in Conscious Dating, helps singles hit the refresh button in the dating world with her sound advice and techniques offered up in No More Assholes. Through simple explanations and anecdotal stories, learn the science of attraction and human behaviour, avoid dating pitfalls, and attract the ideal relationship you want faster. Chantal leads ground-breaking seminars designed to teach women how to connect with themselves and others, including the kind of partner who will treat them with the utmost love and respect. Her seven steps are invaluable tools for life, not just dating. You’ll gain a greater sense of your own true worth and increased confidence knowing how to communicate what you want in a relationship, without the fear of sounding needy or unrealistic. From getting over an ex to conflict resolution once you meet the right person, Chantal teaches you how to find and keep a loving relationship that will satisfy your soul. She helps you understand human behaviour and recognize our amazing ability to create a fulfilling spiritual connection. Chantal skillfully sets you on a path of intimacy with yourself and teaches you how to engage with others in a way that opens the door to a deeply loving and lasting relationship. If you’re looking for a book that will enrich your love life “for life,” this is the one! “Very, very effective. Great advice, and concise. What people really need to know to move into a really great love.” - Chris Patton, author of Showing Up, Becoming The Me I Want To Be

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Psychology

237 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 31, 2016

Reviews

[Chelsey · Rating 1 out of 5]

No More Assholes

I found her on Tik Tok and thought she was speaking drivel, so I got her book to see if that was an accurate assessment, and indeed it is. This book is drivel. She watched a rom com, read some other dating books and then vomited it onto 240 pages and called it original.

Basically :
1. Don’t kiss him for three months so that you keep yourself open to other men because once you kiss there is oxytocin and that makes you like a person
2. Communicate well but don’t also be clingy. Be available but also not available- ie don’t say yes to a plan that is made today or tomorrow , make it for three days out,

[Gabrielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never thought I would read these types of self-help books however, there I was a few years ago finalizing my divorce and trying to find myself again. I wanted to know how this book could guide me and, honestly, it helped me more than I thought.

I did the exercises in the book and decided that I wanted to do the "3-month rule." I changed everything I once did to find love. I started to date again (not expecting anything) and it was astonishing to see the difference between a guy and a man. When I wanted to establish the 3-month rule, so I could build the foundation with another that Chantal Heide was talking about well, one individual was trying to bargain with me even though we had little history and the other individual told me, "I waited 6 years to have a date with you. 3 months is nothing." In the end, the person who waited 6 years was the man I fell in love with. He understood the foundation I wanted to build with him and what I wanted for my life, our life. 4 years later we are still together!

I know some individuals may find it cheesy or have doubts, but it is all about changing your perspective on things and how you go about it will matter. I lost that "asshole magnet," and instead, I have someone that values me and my worth.

Know your worth and find the man that will give you what you truly deserve. Don't settle for that short time "live in the moment guy," because he will leave you in the mud faster to sink then finding a solution to take you out.

Your true love is out there trying to find you too.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I purchased this book at the author was promoting it on Tiktok. For a younger reader this book would be in some ways useful, but as 33 year old woman not so much.

She speaks about setting boundaries and loving yourself first etc, but she lost me about half way through the book when she said you shouldn’t KISS the person you’re interested in for 3 months. To me I felt she was really out of touch it’s reality with this.

If you like someone you want to kiss them and hold hand and do all of those cute things, not literally date them for 3 months but not kiss them, it sends very mixed messages and I don’t know any guy (even guys friends of mine) who would stick around for three full months without even a peck on the lips.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I do think this is a good read for those who have a tendency to attract terrible men. I do like the idea of the 3 month before you kiss rule overall the book contains some useful advice. I felt like the way the book was written could of been a little better and the printing where some of the lines don't match up or big spaces between words a little distracting.

[S. Antoni-Sparks · Rating 3 out of 5]

overall, this reads more like a dating coach talking to you in sessions, than an author writing a book. there is also a bit of a "diary" aspect where it feels like the author needs to get it out on paper, not so much that it was needed for the reader. not that either of those are bad by any means, but it makes the reading experience less pleasant for me.

as for the scientific aspect, a number of the studies are honestly just poppycock. the author also interpreted neurological research in a way that tells me she doesnt really understand it. even the spiritual aspects are pretty twisted up. that being said, maybe this doesnt matter much for the intended audience because her conclusions are the advice, regardless of how concrete the basis is. i will say though, it would have read more honest if anecdotal evidence was the focus here.

some of the advice was really good - things you learn as you age and experience breakups. some of the advice was a bit bitter and reminded me of purity culture.

i dont think this read applies to many of the more experienced women who have lived a varied life. it was definitely not a book for me. i would only possibly reccommend this book to recently divorced conservative women with very small circles and little cultural immersion outside their own.

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Last year I discovered Chantal on Tik Tok and instantly fell in love. Her perspective on relationships is super refreshing and makes me think differently about how to approach issues that occur both on a personal and interpersonal level. She is also a big reason I started meditating.
On that note, it took me a while to pick up one of her books (mostly because of how pricy they are) but I decided to start with No More Assholes. And yeah, it was alright. She's a lovely person, but honestly, this book didn't really do it for me. I was hoping for more "Ah ha! This is what I'm doing wrong!" moments while reading, but I didn't really have that. Maybe it's because I've been following her on Tik Tok for so long that I already knew the advice she was going to give. Either way, it was still an OK read and I got through it pretty fast. My favorite part of the book was where she gave examples on questions to ask a prospective boyfriend that will shed light to the kind of person they are. I'll keep this book in my library, but I'm not sure if I will pick it up again.
Also the 3 Month Dating Rule??? I am not that strong of a woman.

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

great advice for everyone

This book has wonderful advice, even if you don’t fully believe in everything that is stated. Instead of putting down the book at the first thing said that you don’t agree with I implore you to keep going. You may find a way to take a part of what is said and change it slightly for your own life, or atleast be able to use most everything else within the book. For me I’m a Christian, so I do not believe in the whole evolutionary tale. However even though I don’t believe we were ever some mix of man and monkey, I do believe that thousands of years ago we were simpler people and had simple needs, and we still have those needs in our core. I also switch meditation with something like journaling/self reflection and prayer. Cause in the end it’s the same end result. Keep an open mind, and think about how you can take the really good points in this book and apply them to your life.

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Came across Chantal on Tiktok and decided to give her e-book a go. It has some decent content - with the first steps before you can find someone else is working on the chaos in yourself, by grounding and finding clarity about what you really want. I found her dating tips to be a little too traditional and based in stereotypical heteronormativity though, with people too heavily playing into their gender roles.

[Kaye · Rating 2 out of 5]

No More Assholes simply wasn't for me. My main critiques for it are simple. In other self-help books I've read, I get lots of studies, examples, plenty of citations to pull from. Here, the examples feel lacking and a lot of the examples are pulled from her own experience. Yes, she cites other books and a few studies, but this just didn't feel grounded in facts enough for me (which is ok because this is about emotions and emotions can ignore facts at times), but it made the advice feel a bit like "just do as I say, because I know!". My second critique was that some advice felt a little TOO male centered the way it was framed, (i.e. be feminine because it makes the man feel manly and happy). While the main advice is to find love and peace within yourself, sometimes statements like that took me right out of point again. I think I needed to read another one of her titles, as all of this advice felt like common sense and things I've applied to my own dating life. In a sense, if you do these things, your dating life will be easier, but since I practiced all of these habits before reading this, I didn't learn anything new like I was hoping. The presentation of the ideas could have a better flow, but I will say she does emphasize the importance on taking responsibility and accountability as the woman in the relationship. This I like. Putting yourself (as the woman) in control of what you allow makes dating less hectic and puts the focus on finding someone who loves you as much as you love yourself. I'd recommend this as a read for someone who is having a bad streak in dating or is new to it, for me I wasn't either of those and didn't learn as much as I was hoping.

[Hana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok so I absolutely DEVOURED this book. For whatever reason, I felt sceptical going into it, but oh man was I proven wrong. It was somewhat of a reality check that I needed but was presented in such a firm but understanding way. Having gone through some less than savoury dating experiences (like many of us have), I knew I had to change something with how I was approaching it. Lo and behold, I need to bring my energy back to myself and build myself to who I want to be, in order to attract the best person for me. Highly recommend this book!!!!

[Allie Ring · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun!

[Leandro · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review is from a male perspective...

I found Chantal Heide on social media and I really liked the way she talks about relationships. In a simple, direct way and without many fuss.

I decided to buy the book and quickly read it.

There are many self-help books that are repetitive in order to fill pages, which is not the case with this book. Chantal heide addresses important topics for people to find the ideal man.

These are things that I already practiced before reading it and so I know the results I obtained over the years. It works.

And from a male perspective, I thought it was important to have read this book. Written by a woman for women... It also showed me who I want to be as a man.

Although I felt there was a lack of addressing certain topics and answering some questions
, I do not detract from the importance of what is written in this book.

Some things are not so linear but it is also everyone's responsibility to be aware of their own life and have the autonomy to apply certain habits and behaviors in this search for better relationships.

In the end, I recommend it.

[Bruco · Rating 4 out of 5]

I assume the target of the book are women who approach dating and life in a pretty naive way. The book departs with chapters focusing on meditation and mindfulness and provides assertive steps on how to get over disappointing relationships and break ups. I think for such target, it is very important as it describes methods that can relevantly improve the quality of life -even more if aligned with psychotherapy path imo.

Aspects, I find useful:
-Rationally, I believe that the proposed no kissing rule for three months is very effective strategy. I think she properly justifies why holding back can reduce the probability of premature attachment to the wrong person.
-There is a clear chapter elaborating on the difference between men described as long-term oriented, mature, caring providers and the guys, depicted as opportunistic, immature and selfish short term thinkers. I think this is helpful because it makes practical examples that can help spotting behaviours while getting to know someone.

[Merel Aartman · Rating 2 out of 5]

In short, this book is not very eye opening or well written. The best part is the idea of 3 months no kissing sex or exclusivity.

It's not that I disagree with the three month rule. Purely speaking about the hormonal side of things, it's a pretty good idea. But for her intamicy in other ways is completely fine. Snuggling, holding hands, even kissing if it's not on the lips. There is one instance in the book she almost kisses a date while slow dancing. Honestly, if you are slow dancing you might aswell kiss...

Other ideas in the book are quite standard, be specific what you want in a partner, don't go too fast etc.

It might be helpful if you have never read a dating book before, but even then, her advice on her tiktok is plenty.

[Kate Atonic · Rating 1 out of 5]

The manosphere is creating armies of of toxic dudes, teaching predators how to push past your no, coaching hobo-sexuals how to sneakily set up residency in your home without your consent, how to tamper with your birth control so you’re baby trapped, courses on negging so you’ll crave his approval, weaponized incompetence so you’ll shoulder the emotional and physical labor of running the house, how to keep you financially crippled so you can’t afford to leave, how to keep you socially isolated so you have no network to help you, and all sorts of misogynistic rhetoric about gold diggers, being run-through, naturally inferior and submissive, etc.

But if you know his love language and meditate, if you don’t kiss for three months, you’ll find a real man.

[Aloy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! The whole book focuses on how women can be true to ourselves and it’s quite different from other relationship books. The whole book is about focus on you and be you, which I think is great advice for finding the right man who will love you as the way you are. So far at least two advices from this book are helping me: 1) meditation 2) no kiss until three months (will see how this goes in 2.5 months🤞).

I use the self-loving meditation from YouTube and see myself becoming who I want to be.

[Dianne Santos · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended for my book club. I was someone who was severely affected by a toxic relationship and promised myself no more assholes or any other horrible relationships. This book showed me a lot, I learned what I WANTED and what I NEEDED to do to fix myself, and my future relationships. This book has ALOT of hard chapters to read, and a lot of them were very long/boring. Although I learned a few things, it was a very hard book to read, and to keep reading. Only a few chapters caught my attention.

[Liza T Ramirez · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good read

I came across the author on TikTok. The book offers many suggestions for locking in on a better mate. Some ideas and concepts I had not really applied or considered by myself but will definitely use as I open up to dating again. The book was geared more towards an extrovert approach to dating. As an introvert, there were just some parts I had to skip over because they were far from my level of comfort.
This was a good book and a good resource to have around.

[Natasha C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed parts of this book like 12 ways to know the difference and 15 period questions that will peel back his onion. The reason I didn’t give this a 5/5 is because this book could really use a good editor. There’s no reason a 197 page book needs 50 chapters. The first half flowed well but the second half was all over the place. The themes and lessons were great but improvements can be made on the delivery and sequence of the chapters.

[Amy Johnston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great self IMPROVEMENT book. Not self help.
Quick read with inspiration and great ideas. This book is helpful for any woman (or man) in any part of the dating journey. Even if you are fully committed, and have a partner, this book will give you great areas to improve, look inward, and assess.
Loved the first few chapters full of motivation and insight. Then the rest of the book is truly how-to’s and guidelines.

Great short book. Right to the point.

[0m4!m · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it, very practical and the exercise are good. My main small issue was the book can use some review and editing.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Love this author.

[Adriana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found her on tik tok and decided to give it a try and I dnf.

[Vy Vo]

Found her on the library show

[Jessica’s Reading Room · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick and easy read! Great book to read even if you’re not currently dating as it has exercises on how to increase your self-esteem and confidence

[Minjeong · Rating 4 out of 5]

She was a guest on That Library Show on Youtube, and intrigued me to read it. Her writing is a lot like how she speaks. Simple and positive.

[Ines · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a decent read, though I usually prefer her videos. I’d have rated it higher if I’d been more in the mood for it, but I’d still recommend the book.

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like this book. It helps you understand who you are and also how not to date men who don’t appreciate you. Really good book. I recommend.

[Bronwyn Whitehead · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was quite the reality check. The amount of bright red flags I never spotted before😅 It seems I've only ever dated guys instead of men.