Auf der Liste

The Konrath Dark Thriller Collective #1

by J.A. Konrath, Peter Zmyj (Translator)

Eine tätowierte Sieben auf der Fußsohle eines grausam Enthaupteten: Detective Tom Mankowski vom Morddezernat des Chicago Police Departments ist schockiert. Denn das Tattoo ist ihm verhängnisvoll vertraut – er selbst trägt eine Fünf. Während der Detective fieberhaft ermittelt, welche Verbindung es zwischen ihm und dem Ermordeten gibt, ahnt er nicht: Er steht selbst auf der Liste der Todgeweihten.

In seiner unnachahmlichen Art kreiert J.A. Konrath einen rasanten Thriller, dem es an skurrilem Humor nicht fehlt.

Genres: Thriller, Mystery, Horror, Fiction, Science Fiction, Suspense, Mystery Thriller

368 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 12, 2009

About the author

Joe Konrath has written over twenty novels in the Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels thriller series. They do not have to be read chronologically to be enjoyed, but the order is: Whiskey Sour, Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail, Dirty Martini, Shot of Tequila, Fuzzy Navel, Cherry Bomb, Dead On My Feet, Serial Killers Uncut (with Blake Crouch), Shaken, Stirred (with Blake Crouch), Dying Breath, Everybody Dies, Rum Runner, Last Call, White Russian, Shot Girl, Chaser, Old Fashioned, Bite Force, and Witch Brew. More coming soon.

Wow, that's a lot of Jack.

If you like your thrillers on the dark side, check out the Konrath Dark Thriller Collective, which includes the books The List, Origin, Afraid, Trapped, Endurance, Haunted House, Webcam, Disturb, What Happened To Lori, The Nine, Second Coming, and Close Your Eyes.

Joe also wrote the Stop A Murder mystery puzzle series, where you become the sleuth and solve brain teasers to try and catch a killer.

He also wrote the sci-fi trilogy, Timecaster, Timecaster Supersymmetry, and Timecaster Steampunk. Even if you don't think you like sci-fi, give them a try. They feature Joe's well-known characters from his other series, and are insane.

With Ann Voss Peterson he wrote the Codename: Chandler thrillers, including Flee, Spree, Three, Hit, Exposed, Naughty, Fix (with F. Paul Wilson), Rescue, and Free.

And, finally, he writes erotica under the pen name Melinda DuChamp, also with Ann Voss Peterson. Those books are probably too spicy for you, so only the brave and bold should seek them out.

Joe writes a lot. You should probably read everything.

You can visit Joe and sign up for his newsletter at www.JAKonrath.com/mailing-list.php

Reviews

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did enjoy that! This is a thriller with quite a bit of humour. Of course it’s preposterous, Konrath writes dark thrillers and horror - what would you expect? Just park your disbelief at the door and jump in.

Tom Mankowski is a Chicago homicide detective. When he arrives at a particular murder scene he is a bit taken aback because the victim, who’s is minus a head, has a one inch high blue number tattooed on his heel (left I think). Tom also has a number (different) tattooed on his heel. What does it mean? Tom and his partner Roy (without a number) set off on an epic adventure to work it out and save the world. It turns out that there are 10 individuals who have been cloned (not exactly but the book attempts to clarify that) from famous and long dead people. Unfortunately, along with some noble historic figures (Tom Mankowski is a clone of Thomas Jefferson for example) there are also some ignoble figures - Attila the Hun, Vlad the Impaler and Jack the Ripper to be precise!

Unsurprisingly the bad guys are trying to kill the good guys. The whole mess is a result of some rich dude and his egomaniacal plans for world domination. That’s all you need to know. Is it plausible - not a chance. Is it fun and enjoyable to read - hell yes!

[Barbara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Be aware that I read the first 1/4 of this book and stopped. This review does contain giveaways from that first portion.

I was drawn in by the summary of this book. It sounded very intriguing - tattoos, murders - what would the connection be??? When I started reading this, the dialogue and writing style was so crude and basic that I almost stopped 5 pages in. I decided to give it a chance, though, and continued reading. The story jumped around constantly, the dialogue/banter was VERY cliche, and the premise of the story was absurd. One of the targets got attacked twice in the same night because, after reporting the first attack, the police let her go home.....all by herself. Right. By page 47 you already have learned that each of them is a clone of a famous person from history, the killer is Jack the Ripper, and one of the officers has been injured in the butt requiring the use of a "donut" and pain killers. YAWN!! It got so bad I couldn't even read any further. Don't waste your time on this one.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fast Paced Action!

Small backstory:

Tom Mankowski, a Chicago Homicide cop has an interesting number tattoo on the bottom of his foot. He has always wondered about why he has it but has never delved into the background of how he got it. When a murder victim pops up in his jurisdiction Mankowski learns that the victim also has a tattoo number on their foot.

Tom Mankowski goes down a rabbit hole of suspense and intrigue as he learns there are more people out there with those number tattoos on their feet. What he learns is way beyond anything he has ever imagined and it leads him down a mysterious path of twisted corruption!

That is about all I can hand out on a small backstory so if that has piqued your curiosity then go read this book.

Thoughts:

I wasn't sure where this story was taking me but it being written by Konrath I had a feeling it was going to be interesting and I was right! The story weaves around into some historic aspects along with fast paced action, intrigue and high suspense.

I loved all the characters in this book and once again Konrath threw in some funny quips that lighten the mood of the story. This story unfolds as a techo-thriller and as always with Konrath's writing style he draws the reader deep into the story capturing the essence of the mystery of what is taking place. Another great book by this author! Giving this book five "Thrilling Suspense" stars!

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s mostly a thriller but has enough shocking scenes and malevolence in this fast-paced story to satisfy most horror fanatic's lust for the macabre. The twists were unexpected, yet well thought up and written, So why the 3 stars instead of 4 or 5? While it was everything, I said before, it was a little too much on the “science fiction” side for me...at least I hope this story is entirely science fiction without one single grain of truth in it. It was silly in places and unbelievably far-fetched in others...but I think it would make a great movie...and it wasn't at all a “bad” book...just not for me.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is exactly the type of thriller I am addicted to reading; and Konrath nailed it dead centre. I’ve never read any of his books before, so I was pleasantly surprised to find this author has expertly crafted a novel riddled with scientific experiments gone haywire, intertwined with political conspiracies; antagonists so terrifying you won’t want to sleep with the lights off for at least a week. “The List” is incredibly entertaining and had me guessing right until the end – and all my guesses were for naught as nothing was what it seemed. A brilliantly formulated plot with an utterly shocking and unpredictable ending, held me glued to the edge of my seat for hours on end!

I loved all of the characters. Well, all the good ones, at least. Imagine meeting Abe Lincoln, Joan of Arc, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein (to name a few) in real life. That would be awesome, right? And can you imagine Joan of Arc as a Hollywood producer trained in martial arts who can kick the heck out of…oh, let’s say, Vlad the Impaler? No, that’s not a spoiler. That’s only a microscopic tip of the iceberg called “The List”. Because the reader is catapulted headfirst into the action in the first chapter and is given so many hints at what’s to come later in the story, my one fear was that it would lose momentum half way through, and then peter out to a mediocre, unsatisfying conclusion. Lucky for me and everyone else who reads this adrenaline-spiking thriller, this does not happen at all. “The List” starts out fast, driven by clever writing, witty, pragmatic characters and knee-jerking plot twists, and manages to keep its breakneck pacing throughout while building up to a stunner conclusion that leaves you wanting more of this magnificent writer’s extraordinary creations.

I’m a huge fan of horror, so naturally Stephen King and Dean Koontz are tops on my list, but as from today J.A. Konrath will be added to that list of authors who have perfected the art of sending chills down my spine with their fear-inducing works. “The List” is mostly a thriller but has enough shocking scenes and malevolence in this fast paced heart-stopping story to satisfy any horror fanatic’s lust for the macabre. I will most definitely be reading more of Konrath’s books!

[MadameD · Rating 4 out of 5]

Original!

Story 4/5
Narration 4/5

If you enjoyed The X-Files, you’ll likely appreciate The List by J.A. Konrath.
The story is both original and well-crafted, with a captivating blend of mystery and intrigue.
I recommend it!

[WendyB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now that was just a helluva lotta fun! Has the usual Konrath humor, action, fun characters.
Can't wait to read the sequel.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been following Joe's blog for quite sometime as I think he has some great thing to say to new and aspiring writers. When he lowered his price to $0.99 I took the dip and really enjoyed it. This is not a book to "change your life" its just a nice entertaining way to spend a few hours and there is absoltuely nothing wrong with that. I enjoyed it and when have even if I paid $4.95 instead of $0.99...Guess I'll go buy a few more Konrath's to put some more money in his pocket to make up for the "cheap read".

[Fabi NEEDS Email Notifications · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Audible narration was good.

The story, however, didn't work for me. What was meant to be funny left me detached and somewhat put off. The graphic slasher parts were over the top gruesome. Although I do have to commend the author for keeping the majority off page. Finally, the central mad scientist plot came across weak. A plot that has been done and overdone. A plot done better by many.

No, this one didn't work for me.

[Glen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Somebody is killing people with mysterious tattoos on their feet. One of the cops investigating has his own tattoo. It's all a vast conspiracy.

Not bad, but very far fetched.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well that was just all kinds of entertaining. I could definitely see this as a movie. The characters were amusing, sometimes surprising, and so much fun. Thoroughly enjoyed the premise of this book. So, nurture or nature? A bit of both?

[Matt Schiariti · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first time reading J.A. Konrath/Jack Killborn. Now that I see he's written many many books I realize I'll be spending many many dollars to download them to my kindle and read them. After this book I'm an instant fan.

The premise of the book is a little out there. A billionaire senator started a shady cloning experiment 30 years ago. Now, 30 years later a series of murders drags several very unlikely people together in order to save their lives and ultimately, much more when they finally find out why they were tattooed with numbers on their feet from birth. A cop and his partner, an LA movie producer and a man who makes fishing lures for a living. Unlikely bedfellows yes, but do they have what it takes to solve the mystery of their tattoos?

This book is part thriller and quite honestly has a buddy cop movie feel to it. The interplay between the characters is organic, feels natural and in many cases is laugh out loud funny. Konrath writes in such a fluid style that the chapters just fly right on by.

As for the scientific aspect of the novel, I can't really comment on that as I have no clue about cloning DNA and all that it entails but Konrath puts enough science speak in there to at least make it sound plausible. As long as you suspend disbelief and enjoy the wild ride I don't think there's any need to break it down any further than that.

This is just a great, fun and fast paced read that stands primarily on strong and well thought out and well written characters.

Great book and I'm officially a fan!

[Gor93ous · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first sentence on Chapter 1 is “I found the head”. How can I not love it immediately?

Unique plot? Check.

Tons of actions? Check. Almost as much as the sweet mind-boggling actions in ‘Draculas’, but unfortunately not as gorrific as it.

Level of gore? Moderate by Konrath’s usual standard. The impaling and the decapitation were scary, sure, but then again, they weren’t vividly presented to us readers as in Endurance. It felt more like a fleeting moment of a glance at an ugly carcass rather than being lusciously described about the gore-in-process. But, it’s okay, whenever I felt the need of an uproarious-vivid-gore-image nudging me, I always pictured in my head that splendid moment of Vlad being “erased” by a bus. I did hate that scumbag terribly.

“Pinned between the wheel and the street, Vlad’s lower half was scraped away, leaving a wide streak of gore for almost thirty yards, like a big red skid mark.”
This left me with a giddy feeling and it says a lot about my mental condition, yes?

Suspense? Check. Now I’m kind of used to Konrath’s suspense style. Sometimes they’re just false signals. It reduced the suspense a little bit, though, because you could detect a false signal right away. Well, I don’t think there’s much false signal in this one.

Character likability? Check to the max. I even loved the ostrich in this story!

Hilarious? Hell yeah. Bert and Roy nearly killed me.

Safe to say, it's an UTTERLY ENTERTAINING READ. Not as scary as Endurance, but heck, it's a crime thriller (with some science fiction theme), not horror.

Note: The first half of this book oozed out a strong vibe of a good thriller, but in the end I think it's more of a mix of thriller, a few droplets of horror, a spoonful of sci-fi, and a massive injection of HILARIOUSNESS!

[Mary Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

From the first few pages of J.A. Konrath’s THE LIST, blood and gore is prevalent. Two detectives, Tom and Roy, are investigating a murder when Tom realizes the victim has a tattoo that matches one on his own foot.

Konrath writes an intriguing plot but sometimes, that’s not enough, nor does the intrigue last after a few chapters. The suspension of disbelief is jarring and the characters become a bit too comical for my tastes. I don’t mean, in this case, that they’re humorous but rather, the characters become punchy and comical versions of themselves that I could only laugh as they went on a search.

Another issue I had with the book was the sudden dumping of information regarding a large portion of the plot – a chunk of scientific jargon that, for those not well-versed in the subject, gets tedious and boring. It also seemed too sudden and too easy for the information to come into the light. I think this particular problem could have easily been solved by spreading the eye-opening experiences over more chapters; it would have widened the amount of time spent learning what was done with people and it also would have kept more interest.

The writing isn’t the best nor is it far from the worst. Certain parts of the novel read too much like an essay though I believe this is due to the scientific aspects of the plot. There were big chunks of “this happened, then this, then that, then this again” as can somewhat be seen in the following quote:

“After taking a picture of the nuclear DNA with seeded film, we ran an electromagnetic current through the negative. It worked. When a free floating adenine saw the negative picture of a thymine, it tried to attach itself. It couldn’t, of course, because that wasn’t a real thymine molecule – it was only a picture. But it did line up correctly, along with all of the other molecules. We made half of the zipper. Then we scraped the negative, added more bases, and the other half of the zipper formed.”

While this isn’t terrible to read every once in a while, especially when a character is explaining a process, Konrath tends to use it often to a point that it becomes a tired trend.

In his afterword, Konrath describes the journey THE LIST made from conception to editors telling him to cut it down to the editing process to the publishers declining it once more despite the changes. He mentions that he continued to cut it down. I had no problem with the length of the novel but I did have an issue with a few scenes and pieces that ran too rampant for seemingly no reason. One particular issue was Roy and Bert playing the ‘punch buggy’ game that was once popular for children. Unfortunately, it acts as an annoying gimmick throughout a vast majority of the book.

The premise of THE LIST still remains interesting but the execution of the plot doesn’t work in its simplest form. Perhaps another rewrite and a few more cuts of unnecessary jokes would have made this one a bit better.

[Matt Allen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Another great concept from Konrath. Another book that makes you laugh out loud from Konrath.

The problem with The List is similar to that of another Konrath novel, Origin. A stunningly brilliant premise with less than brilliant execution on characters and latter plot developments. The List starts with true sizzle. The erosion begins when the reason behind the titular list is revealed. The explanation and motivation is muddled at best. And those laugh-out-loud zingers come fewer and further between. As the characters become flatter and cartoonish, the jokes missed much more frequently. It's a shame really because if Konrath had kept his best lines and eighty-sixed the rest, it could've really improved the fun. Also, the climactic battle was much like the big reveal of the list's purpose--disorganized and not smoothly readable.

Perhaps The List's greatest struggle was making it characters--which could've been truly compelling--attach to the audience. I realize Konrath goes for a action-comedy type adventure here, but in doing so, it shortchanged a great opportunity for deeper characters.

It was a brisk read, and for that, Konrath should be commended. I left, however, a little disappointed.

[Karen B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second Konrath book that I have read and I think he has found a new fan in me. I don't know how it is but somehow although the book contained some graphic violence it didn't bother me the way it often does with other graphic books. I loved the characters and the concept of the clones.
There was humor interspersed with the action. The "bad" clones were so obviously bad it was wonderful! I think the characters I liked best were Bert and Abe because they were so absolutely human in their foibles and attitudes.

[Natasa · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first Konrath book and I loved it. The idea was so good, the characters lovable. I just loved Bert and Abe was funny as hell...Tom was just an OK guy and Roy had a personality of his as well...Stang is such an ass or should I say a multiple ass :)
I have laughed so many times in this book and this is my first book ever in thriller or better said technothriller genre with humor in it. Never thought I'd like but I'm sold.
But I'm still sceptical towards horror humor books...but I guess I should read something like that finally and judge then.
Now that I've tried his 2 pen names, I'd love to try his sci-fi books.

[Rose]

This is currently free on Amazon in Canada
If you’re reading this RD, you heard me right...’free’ and ‘in Canada’ both in the same sentence. This would be extremely funny if it’s full price in the UK.

[Elaine Lucky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this because Tom Mankowski from the "Jack Daniels" series is the lead. A far fetched story on cloning & government conspiracies. Has the typical Konrath humor. It was a little outlandish but interesting

[Mylene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although, as previously reported on many other reviews, I love JA Konrath/Jack Kilborn, but I was disappointed with The List. It was not at the same level as the Daniels series nor the first 3 Kilborn books. It kinda had the same problems as Haunted House in the sense that it seemed thrown together and the ending came off as rushed and forced. I think my opinion may have been different had I read this novel before the others. However, although it does not compare to other Konrath novels, it still has a unique premise, great characters, turn the page action, and some awesome twists and turns. I love the fact that Konrath continues to allow his characters to overlap into other novels.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read by this author and it's not my usual read, I like romance and paranormal romance, yes I can hear you all groaning. I've given my old kindle to my dad and while putting books on it for him a couple stood out this being one of them so I thought I'd give it a go and I loved it, yes it was silly in places unbelievablely far fetched in others but I thought it was great and it would make a great movie, I read it back in January but after years of reading other people's reviews I'm making an effort to actually write my own, the purpose of this one is to say that even if this is not the type of book you generally read its worth a shot, I'm glad I did and it's free.

[Trish R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're looking to read something realistic don't read this book. BUT if you want to be entertained then I can recommend it.

This was the strangest book I’ve ever read, but I liked it. It was about 10 people with a number tattooed on their heal and eventually learned what they were. The numbers had been there since they were born and adopted out, and finally learned why they were numbered, before all the killing started.

The main characters were two cops, Tom, who had a number on his heal, and his partner Roy, who didn’t have a number, and Joan a producer from Los Angeles. Then they met Bert and he was so funny. Then they met Abe and he was just as funny. And, of course, the bad guys were really, really insane, all 6 of them.

It was a crazy story, but I liked it a lot.

No romance and the F-bomb was used 3 times.

As to the narration: Benjamin L. Darcie was only alright. He couldn’t do a woman’s voice worth a shit and he read without much emotion BUT he did a great job on all the men’s voices. Every man had their own distinct voice.

[Anastasia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The List by J.A. Konrath is the first book in the Konrath Dark Thriller Collective. Chicago Homicide detective Tom Mankowski attends a homicide where the victim was tortured and discovers a number tattoo on the heel similar to his own and finds that he and others like him have become targetted by mad killers. A crazy and totally unbelievable conspiracy book but lots of fun nonetheless. Plenty of action and lots of thrills.

[Lori Palle · Rating 5 out of 5]

While Mr. Konrath's blurb makes The List sound interesting, he holds back the really fun part as a fun surprise. So, this review will be a bit different in that I'll first talk about what I liked and disliked about the book and then break have a spoiler section below. I had read the big reveal in a review before reading this book, and actually knowing what the reveal was what made me want to read it!

First off, this book is like watching a big-blockbuster summer movie like…say National Treasure. It's fun, campy, entertaining, and filled with one-liners, but it's missing the depths of an Oscar contender. But, you don't care, because it's entertaining, completely unbelievable even though they try to make you think it's believable, and you're all for some good summer escapism by enjoying some action and thrills. This book is like that. I liked the characters and found they complemented each other well. You've got the idealistic character/scientist who was just trying to do good, the searching-for-his-purpose do-gooder hero (cop), his side kicks who bring comic relief, a traitorous ally ready to betray our heroes, a kick-butt love interest, nefarious evil villains with nothing but killing on their agendas, horrifying science experiment creatures, and a power hungry politician who abuses his power to make our heroes journey to stop him oh-so much more difficult. As a bonus, there's the whimsical open ending where readers can stick in their own imagination.

Spoilers coming up now! Alright, so the previous paragraph is about all I can say without giving away what Mr. Konrath kept out of the blurb. Now, I'm going to say it. So, be warned!

Still warning… don't read ahead if you don't want to be spoiled. Although, the reveal comes out in Chapter 7 out of 36 chapters, so it's not too bad of a spoiling.

Last warning! Ok, a senator decides to fund a project to clone some of the greatest figures in history (and 3 of the worst…super bad idea, really). Had *that* been in the blurb, I would have read this immediately! This is is what I meant by being fun when you realize the reveal! As to *which* famous characters, I'll leave that for you to find out, but they're fun (and scary for the bad guys) and interesting as they fumble along trying to solve the debate of "Nature vs Nurture."

This is definitely one of those books that you'll enjoy if you're into summer action movies, yelling at the heroes for bad decisions, and cheering for the good guys (because come on, they're awesome figures in history). I know I am!

Gore level: high (many fight/kill scenes and torture descriptions)

(Originally posted on my blog and shortened here for brevity)

[David Dalton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this title up for free almost 11 years ago. My very first Kindle title that I bought and read was by Jack Kilborn (Konrath). I quickly read several other of his titles. I picked this up in my early mad rush to gather as many free books as I could and somehow lost it in the shuffle. Finally I see there is a sequel to The List, so I figured I would go ahead and give it a try. Besides, one of the main characters in this book (Tom) has been featured in a few other titles of Konrath's books that I have already read.

Full of action and several odd ball characters, I loved it and it reminded me why I collected the Konrath/Kilborn titles in the first place. I plan to pick up the 2nd Origins book: book and the sequel to The List: .

Plus I discovered another Konrath thriller buried deep in my vault of TBR titles: . And then I suppose another trip or two with Jack Daniels!

[Shawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok... Listen. Was The List by J.A. Konrath a literary wonder? No. Was it a revolutionary story that pushed the genre forward? Also No. But this WAS an insanely quirky novel that kept me thoroughly entertained. I've read quite of few of Konrath's other books (The Jack Daniels Mysteries & many of his horror books written until his Kilborn pen name) and this one fell right in line with the others. They aren't anything truly spectacular but they are a fun read when you just want something interesting. I picked up the The List as one of my "spooky" October reads. This isn't spooky, horror or creepy. It was mostly a thriller with a very strange twist. This is what I get for going into a book completely blind. Having said that, I still really enjoyed it and would recommend this to fans of Konrath's writing style, looking for something completely outlandish. 4/5 stars.

[Jeanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never like to give five stars but in this case I am, this was an amazing book fun exciting and well written. But that is not what gave this book the extra star it was when I read the Author's after thoughts and found out this book was never published and was turned down after making several revisions that I decided this book deserves five stars. This book would take me from sitting on the edge of my seat in suspension to laughing in just a few lines, I think that takes truly great writing make emotions move the way this book did and I never wanted to put it down. This makes me ever happier I have a kindle or I would have never had a chance to read this wonderful book. It also make me go huh??? Why was this not published..

[Brenda Seaberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

And another of his I've loved!

I'd read several books from the other side of him - the Jack Kilborn side - so this was my first true Konrath book. I enjoyed it a lot! I thought the premise was unique, and well thought out. A series of cloned, copied people. Of course, if you have good, then you need to have evil as well.

The mix worked well for me, and I will absolutely read more books by both J.A. Konrath/Jack Kilborn.

[Karen Fowler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fast paced book with an interesting, unique premise and likable, fully fleshed out main characters (well, except the bad guys- but you're not supposed to like them!) and I'm glad I took some time to read it. Indie published, it' just as good, if not better than some of the more traditionally published suspense novels!

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I give a book a 5 it means I was captivated by the story, I couldn't put it down, little inconsistencies didn't bother me and I would be willing to read it again. This met those criteria.

This is a gory, funny romp through the world of cloning that doesn't kill you with technical details! Konrath is a master of this kind of tale.