It's Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men

by Truett Cathy

Children have plenty of buddies. In an age when kids all around us are growing up without strong, positive guidance from their parents (who are busy, distracted, gone, or choose to be buddies instead of parents), children need someone they can look to with respect to help them build their lives. When he was thirteen years old, Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, had such a man step into his life: a Sunday school teacher who modeled love, respect, hard work, and discipline. Cathy decided to follow that model, and today he has some 130 foster grandchildren, many of whom have broken their family's generational cycle of neglect through the encouragement of Cathy and other adults who reached out to them. In It's Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men, Truett Cathy lays out a simple model for adults desiring to reach out to youth and challenges readers to allow God to work through them to change the life of a child. His book is filled with stories illustrating the principles of discipline, trust, reputation, generosity, common sense, peer pressure, and family stability. Readers who follow their hearts into children's lives will find that their own lives are enriched as well.

Genres: Parenting, Leadership, Nonfiction, Christian, Business, Religion, Personal Growth

112 pages, Hardcover

First published July 31, 2004

Reviews

[pat morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't give this book a five rating for it's suggestions about raising young people, they were all things we've heard before -- good to be reminded but nothing new. I did so because the book reveals an extraordinary man absolutely devoted to his mission of raising up these kids to be responsible Christian adults, at great expense to himself, and with an extraordinarily huge amount of his precious time.

I read this in a group where we "netout" the books we read. Here's mine:
I liked this book more than I thought I might. I thought it might be a book full of grandfatherly opinions (not necessarily new and unique ideas) about child rearing, and it was that. There are many examples of what we should be doing to raise up our children in a Godly way that will serve them well for their entire lives. But what got me about the book is who Truett Cathy is. He has chosen to teach Sunday School to 13-year-old boys for over 50 years. That’s hard for me to imagine. I might prefer a root canal every Sunday. And apparently he was doing it for years before he got in the chicken biz. If you’re going to teach Sunday School, as many of you know, you need to be in church every Sunday. “Every,” as in all of them. No cutting out to play tennis. No trips to Disneyland. Or Las Vegas. Or a month long Mediterranean cruise. It’s commitment. Total commitment to a special cause for half a century-- read, your whole life. He was so dedicated to shaping the lives of children. He taught them in Sunday School. He mentored them in his home. He entertained them at his country house. He created safe, loving, and permanent homes for foster children. And he trained them to succeed in his restaurants. Do you think he went into the restaurant biz in order to give teenagers a place to grow into responsible adults? Maybe. What an amazing example to us of what a committed man of God looks like, and how effective a life can be.

It makes me think about how selfish my life has been, and to what end? Have I had more fun? Have I somehow been more important? Have I been the example for my children or set them up for success or a life of ease? Or have I set up myself for a retirement of relaxation and freedom from work or worries? The answer to all of these is “No”. Not one of them. It reminds me of a line from John McCain’s Faith of My Fathers that I didn’t read or heed until way too late in my life:
“The most important lesson I learned there (at the Naval Academy) was that to sustain my self-respect for a lifetime it would be necessary for me to have the honor of serving something greater than my self-interest.”
I thought the opposite was true and only now when it’s a little bit late have I seen the light.

About 35 years ago after I closed my first commercial development deal, my lawyer who was my age explained to me that I was now a millionaire. He scribbled some numbers on a restaurant napkin while we were out celebrating, and I was convinced making a lot of money was going to be easy and quick. I actually did look forward to giving a lot of it away as Mr. Cathy has done, but my motivations were all wrong. I wanted to give away millions so I would look good. None of that ever happened. I did find the way to peace and fulfillment, and it was not via the bank. Thank God and Diane for that. But I just wish I had found that out earlier and acted accordingly -- as Cathy did. What an exemplary life of service as a disciple of Jesus! And he built a billion dollar business based on the same principals. He found the secret of a life with no regrets and lived a life that the fear of death could never enter his heart.

[Michele Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me so much of the legacy of my grandfather who reminds me of Truett Cathy the more I read about him. So much of the common sense and good character that was important now is lost in our culture. I want to be reminded how important the character training is that I work all day on with my children.

This encouragement came on just the right day! Thanks Taylor!

[Michael Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book contained some great advice on how to not only raise your own children but how to interact with any child or young person we have the opportunity to mentor. Truett Cathy is as much a successful business man as he is a kind friend to children and young adults. We can take note of how he selflessly molded children from broken backgrounds and shaped them into strong leaders. Some of his practices may seem old fashioned in today’s age but all in all his ideals of giving impressionable children good role models to look up to and consistent values to follow stand true.

[LAMONT D · Rating 4 out of 5]

A signed copy of this little treasure exists in my personal library. Authored by one of the great stories of a Christian businessman doing things the right way, but more importantly pursuing a passion with his own family and boys around him to teach and mentor them on how to live their lives and what is most important. This book is filled with personal stories of boys that he knew and taught in his Sunday School class and is filled with tidbits of advice that will help any dad.

[Mike Ncube · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is packed full of practical advice for teachers, parents, guardians and anyone with responsibility of guiding children and youth in our age. Although applicable to all children, the author focuses mainly on boys and those aged between 11-13 years of age in particular, when peer pressure has started making a big impact.

[Emmy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had previously read S. Truett Cathy's book How Did You Do It, Truett?: A Recipe for Success and loved it. When I found out that he had written more, I picked up this one as well.

What I liked the most about this book was that it showed how you are supposed to raise a child. You should provide a loving home with guidelines, provide for the child, and make sure they know you love them. However, you are not their buddy, and you can't try to be the cool parent. The child needs support, love,and discipline, not another friend.

For me, as a single woman in her twenties, children are just not on my horizon right now. But, I encounter children through my work as a librarian. What I liked so much about this book is that it's not just about being a parent, but about being anyone who works with children. It gave me some perspective of how to work with children, how to treat them, and when necessary, how to discipline without overstepping my boundaries or causing resentment.

I think the best part of this book is that it focused on love and God. It was a very Christian perspective, but I feel that any parents and adults, of whatever faith background, could certainly learn something from it. A very good read :)

[John Brackbill · Rating 2 out of 5]

I only gave it two stars because it was enjoyable on one level and there was some sporadically helpful advise as well.

But...it deserved one star on many levels. For a book written from a "Christian" perspective on raising boys I found it disheartening that the mere mention of the name of Jesus (just a mere reference to the person of Christ) didn't show up until page 54! The second time? Page 104! The death of Christ was mentioned once and even in that mention it referred to being a servant like Him, but not to what the death on the cross actually signified.

Clearly Mr. Cathy is concerned for the next generation, he seems like an all around great person to be around, and someone who takes morality very seriously. But when it comes to explaining how someone can live a life that is truly moral this book is bankrupt. If it inspires, it inspires to try harder at pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. And if you fail? Well, I am not sure there was any direction for such an unhappy circumstance other than try harder.

If any book deserved the description "moralistic therapeutic deism" this one takes the cake.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite sections of this book is "The Power of a Rocking Chair." Cathy talks about "rocking the meanness" out of infants, young children, and even teenagers in his foster homes by showing them quiet, soothing love. As he says, "You may think children have outgrown the desire to be rocked to sleep at night. They haven't--particularly children who haven't had an abundance of love expressed to them. They're eager to be rocked or hugged and reminded that they are loved. So if you don't have a rocking chair, get one. And if you have one, use it."

This is just one of the snippets that show Cathy's heart and insight into children. I think this is a book that is a great read for anyone. It's excellent, practical, loving wisdom about your effect on children, the value of role models, and the impact of our choices. His words echoed some of the things that I have always believed, while other parts gave me an interesting and different perspective that made sense. Truett Cathy's authenticity and honor shine through these pages.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent should read this book. It is a simple read, but profound in its thinking. The bottom line is parents must raise children with the end results in mind. It is choosing to do the sometimes difficult and unpopular thing today to get great results down the road.
I would highly, highly recommend this book.

[Joe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid truths; not legalistic but standard setting, impact making and positive life building; everybody should read this and see where they line up.

Recommended.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truett Cathy reminds me of my grandpa. He just offers good, practical advice on how to encourage boys. It was very inspirational.

[Nicolas Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I saw this book advertised a lot on social media and was intrigued by the title. I really enjoyed finally getting to read it. The first half of the book is really good and encouraging for being a parent. I loved his concept of be “so consistent you are boring” and the need for parents to have respect in their authority as adults (not camp counselors) The second half of the book was not as good – more platitudes and principals with less focus. Still very much worth the read.

“A good child nearby is about to make bad choices that will have lasting consequences and needs for you to step in right now.”
“Don’t be too concerned that your children don’t listen to you. But be very concerned that they see everything you do.”
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
“Childern have plenty of buddies. They don’t need an adult – especially a parent to be another buddy. They need someone they can look up to with respect. That Respect beings with the establishment of authority.”
“A parent who tries to be a buddy will soon have a tyrant for a child.”
“Be so consistent with your discipline that you’re boring.”
“You don’t have to be the world’s strongest man to earn the respect of a child or a teenager; you do have to be strong enough to stand your ground against an onslaught of resistance.”
“conversation won’t happen when its convenient for you but when its convenient for them.”
“Helping boys and girls develop common sense requires a relationship and its requires trust.”
“the prodigal son, about a young man who lacks common sense”

“Since I have him that car, he doesn’t have time to see me anymore. He’s off with his friends doing other things.”
“What’s on the inside matters most. But I can’t see your insides. All I can see is what’s on the outside- the things you do and say, the way you dress, and your haircut. They say things about you.”
"

[Luke Braun · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Train a child in the way he should, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The author, Truett Cathy, quotes Proverbs 22:6 when describing how to discipline a child. This book is full of quotes from both the Bible and Cathy, but this quote is by far my favorite. It is my favorite because I wholeheartedly agree with this verse.
The plot of this book shifts somewhat from chapter to chapter. The main idea stays the same for the most part throughout the book. The main idea focuses on raising children to give their lives to philanthropy and religion from the beginning. Cathy uses some of his Sunday School kids as examples for his teaching. Many of these kids grew up fatherless, motherless, or without guidance entirely.
My favorite part or chapter of the book is the common sense portion. I always enjoy talking about common sense. I have always liked the quote, “Common sense isn’t.” Cathy believes common sense cannot be taught, but the right values can be if they are taught early enough. This all goes back to the quote. Discipline is everything when it comes to successful parenting.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Truett Cathy’s word choice and vocabulary used is consistent with other authors that do not make a living out of writing, but in a way, I like the book even more because of it. The easy-to-read language is extremely relatable to the average person. Sometimes the simplicity of the writing could be slightly distracting, but it can be refreshing at the same time.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone that believes in God and philanthropy. This would also be a great resource for future parents. It might be fairly controversial if the reader is not religious. The book is also a very interesting read if the reader is interested in Chick-fil-A and its history.

[Rudy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a difficult book to review. On one hand it contains very practical, biblically-based advice that has proven positive results when dealing with children and adolescents. On the other hand, it's just not very well written. And therein lies the difficulty for an accurate review.

Essentially in this book, Truett Cathy has presented to his readers a collection of stories from his own life and the lives of kids he knew over the years. Following specific biblical principles, Mr. Kathy tries to illustrate through these stories how structure, consistency, and compassion plant seeds in a child that allow him to grow into an ethical, moral adult. The issue I had while reading this was that each story was roughly the length of one to three paragraphs. That's barely enough time to present adequate context and to fully understand the consequences of the individual's actions. In other words, the presentation is exceptionally basic and brief. On nearly every page I was left with a desire to know more of the story, especially when almost every story is told like this: James was a good kid, he made a few mistakes, and now he's wondering why it's hard for him to get a job. That's a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much. Just imagine that anecdote as a full paragraph and you'll get the point I'm making.

The entire book can be read in an hour or less, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But when your goal is to inspire boys to be men and to encourage adults to invest their time with the youth around them, I simply don't believe that brevity is the way to go. Context is everything, and that's the one thing this book lacks.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a single woman raising a 9 year old boy, I am always looking for ways to help navigate the road of being a boy mom. My father is dead; my brother lives in Hawaii, and COVID has limited our interactions with others since his adoption was finalized. I came across this book in our church library and really felt drawn to it. I know my son’s backstory, and I truly believed that reading how Mr. Cathy poured his soul into boys just like my son would help me be a better mother to him. As I read, I realized that there are many things I can do to raise my son to be a good person, but I cannot show him how to be a good man. He needs positive male role models in his life. Just like Mr. Cathy poured into other people’s children, I can do the same. There are children who need caring adults in their lives. My son has me, but I can use help showing him how to be a godly man, future husband, and future father.

[Henry · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers a heartfelt and eye-opening perspective on the importance of nurturing boys with intention, compassion, and strong values from an early age. S. Truett Cathy shares real-life stories and wisdom that highlight how shaping character early on prevents deeper wounds later in life both for individuals and society.

It’s a powerful reminder that prevention and presence matter more than repair. The book doesn’t offer complex psychology, but its simplicity is part of its strength. It's ideal for parents, mentors, teachers, or anyone who plays a role in guiding young people. It resonates especially well if you’ve ever reflected on your own upbringing or wished you had more guidance during your formative years.

Like the other books I’ve read on attachment and emotional needs, this one reinforces the idea that self-awareness and early support lead to healthier adults. A short but impactful read.

[Jeremiah Hopkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

S. Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A, wrote this inspiring book nearly 20 years ago, and the principles and wisdom outlined in this book on how to raise godly young men is a true testament to the work that God gave him to do. In addition to being the founder of a franchise, God had put a passion on his heart for boys from foster homes, often abused or neglected and without a solid father figure in their lives. Through this ministry of being that father figure in those boys’ lives, the love of God is prevalent in this short book that reflects the love that God has for His children.

“There are no magic words. All you can do is share a bit of yourself, allow God to use you to plant a seed in a child, and pray that it takes root.“

8.6/10

[Maddy Easterling · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book can be insightful for both parents and those without kids. I’m not a parent, but interact with boys from two and one parent homes. I hope to have kids someday. I found this book very encouraging.

Cathy has a few main points (can be summarized by the chapter titles) that he emphasizes with stories from his experiences. The main points aren’t anything revolutionary, and he doesn’t delve into them any further than supporting them with his experiences. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this as a parenting book, but it’s great to read if you underestimate your influence in the lives of kids around you.

Again, this book isn’t groundbreaking and Cathy doesn’t expand much on his main points. But it’s encouraging and a quick read.

[Ethan Lockwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I very much enjoyed this read. It was quick yet incredibly practical. I forget sometimes being in college the impact that I’m able to have on the next generation. The impact on young men. I knew the chaos that can be caused from a home without stability, but I didn’t know it as well as it is spelled out in this book. Truett showed me that character, honor, keeping your word, are all far better qualities than status or recognition. To be a servant leader is truly the best kind of leadership. This is definitely a read that I should return back to before I have a child one day… God willing!

[Siobhan Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for anyone who is open to God’s call! It is not just for parents of boys! It’s not just for parents and/or grandparents (although I would suggest it to all of the above)! This is a concise primer on how to raise “whole”children before they become broken adults! Anyone can play!!!

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really great! It has so many good practical points in it. The thing that strikes me the most is the idea that setting kids up with a good foundation is meaningful and, in fact, imperative!

[Rebekah Gibson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a very simple, small book filled with wisdom from Scripture, Cathy’s own life, and his experiences with others through his life. Great read for parents or really anyone wanting to make a difference and be present for young people.

[Kelli Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was published in 2004 and my son was 4 years old. I loved reading it throughout different times of his life. He's 25 now. The book also has just great wisdom for parenting or mentoring girls and boys.

[Larry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what to expect from this but it was very wholesome and doesn't try to do too much. It obviously has Christian foundations and encourages readers to be a force for good in the life of a child.

[Mandy Middlebrooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are looking to guidance in becoming a better, more godly parent this book is a great guide.

[Tanya Area · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good quick read. Great reminder of how each of us as adults can impact the life of a child for either good or bad. It's our choice.

[Iain Hamill · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title says it all really! Some good stories, but a fairly light read and tending towards moralism.

[Christian Mueller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing super thought provoking and really nothing new that I haven’t heard before. A quick easy read.

[Michel Sabbagh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Subject Appeal: 4/5.
Research Depth: 4/5.
Research Breadth: 4/5
Narrative Flow: 3/5.

Verdict: 4/5. A touching look at wealth of character that makes a sound case for (inter)personal stewardship.

[Maggie Kuhn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Short book made even shorter by very brief examples. A lot of broad statements that some I agree with, but the content lacked any real depth. I enjoyed the “Possible Solution” at the end.