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Darren Finnegan #1
White Monkey
Darren Finnegan is a sensitive lad from Wigan who faces a terrible fate, becoming just one more binman in the long line of Finnegan binmen. Dreaming of something different, he sets out for South Korea, a country he knows nothing about to teach English to children at a school run by Mr. Kim, a petty tyrant in a cowboy hat. What could possibly go wrong?
- GenresFiction
236 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2016
1 person is currently reading
1352 people want to read
About the author
Carlos Hughes
3 books45 followersCarlos Hughes can't dance, can't sing, can't play an instrument, can't fix engines - can't do sod all really except write stories which he has done all his life - starting when he was at school where he would write 15 pages in 'creative writing' classes and instead of the teachers enthusing about his genius and productivity - they threatened him with detention if he ever exceeded two pages again.
Been sacked from most jobs for insubordination, destroying of stock, equipment and property or just plain laziness and incompetence - was saved mid-life by TEFL and the booming Asian economies - which he based his first novel 'White Monkey' on. It might become a worldwide hit - it might need time - or - it might just not - he doesn't mind - there is more to come.
Carlos Hughes lives alone in China, a state of affairs that is good for his writing projects.
Been sacked from most jobs for insubordination, destroying of stock, equipment and property or just plain laziness and incompetence - was saved mid-life by TEFL and the booming Asian economies - which he based his first novel 'White Monkey' on. It might become a worldwide hit - it might need time - or - it might just not - he doesn't mind - there is more to come.
Carlos Hughes lives alone in China, a state of affairs that is good for his writing projects.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
October 5, 2024
A hilarious take on the English teacher in a foreign country story. To those who have been there, the stages are familiar. For the rest, it goes like this: A twenty-something with a university education but limited prospects accepts a job in the Far East. This character usually feels they don’t fit in back home and is naive about life in general. Here our protagonist is Darren, a redhead who goes to teach in South Korea. He comes from Wigan, an industrial town in the North of England with a great rugby league and opaque accent. You could say that about any town north of Manchester.
In England, the only opportunity on the horizon for Darren is to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a rubbish collector. At university in Huddersfield, Darren escapes Wigan for a few years...and finds some happiness. But things take a turn for the worse when his girlfriend abandons him for a mate. And it doesn’t help that his degree is in sociology – a course of study with fewer career prospects than philosophy. But then he finds a job as a teacher in Korea, much to the horror of his dad. Darren’s dad is a comic repository of all opinions non-politically correct. For him, the difference between North and South Korea doesn’t exist and his son is abandoning the family transition to go work under the Great Leader.
Darren’s teaching career in Korea is an amusing string of anecdotes with larger than life characters. His boss is the racist, cowboy-hat-wearing Mr Kim, who wants female American teachers but since his English cram school or ‘Hagwon’ is out in the whops, he has to take what foreigners he can get. Darren was promised he’d be in the capital Seoul, not the middle of nowhere – a typical trick recruiters use on newbies. Mr Kim hasn’t caught up that the West has become multicultural. The below is my favourite of the many disagreements between Darren and Mr Kim:
‘No!’ grunted Mr Kim.
I looked at him in disbelief. ‘I thought you asked us to bring our friends over to work for you. This guy was at univers–’ but Mr Kim tutted loudly.
‘I want teacher who look like Brad Pitt, Clint Eastwood, Angelina Jolie and sound like John Wayne, not look like Al Qaeda.’
‘John Wayne? What? Are you serious?’
‘I want my teachers to look and sound like Hollywood. Your friend looks like Osama bin Laden. Also,’ he took back the CV and scrutinised the paper in front of him, ‘Asif, no English name.’
‘English name? You know that people called John, Mark or Paul haven’t got English names either? For your information, he’s as English as me! Supports Liverpool, works in Poundland in Bradford! You don’t get more English than–’ but I was interrupted.
‘Parents don’t like dirty skin, so he no good. Last teacher I employed with dirty skin put witchcraft on students.’
‘Parents don’t like dirty skin? Witchcraft?’ I repeated to myself, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
‘The only person I will employ with dirty skin is Dr Cliff Huxtable.’
I let the image compute in my brain for a few seconds. In fact, it took me more than 20 seconds to get what he was blabbering on about until my brain focused on the words I
was hearing. ‘What? The only black person you will employ to teach here is a fictitious TV character played by Bill Cosby?’
‘Dr Cliff Huxtable looks like a kind guy, nice guy, the only dirty-skin person who will ever be employed at my school.’ And with that he scrunched up Asif ’s CV and threw it in the waste-paper basket. He looked straight at me and muttered, ‘Not even Bill Cosby would be employed here. Now you go back to work!’ he shouted.
Having read Dave’s ESL Korea Forum in the 2000s, I know these kinds of abusive Korean bosses were all too common when the Hagwon industry was at its height. Mr Kim is one hundred per cent an arsehole as is American teacher Joe. The obese Joe gets a ‘dong chim’ from the equally chubby Gordon, a student of ten. The dong chim is a game played by Korean boys where they stick their fingers up somebody’s arse. Joe’s reaction is to punch Gordon. Later that night Darren finds Joe drunk, naked and watching a video of himself shagging a ladyboy in Thailand. Needless to say, Joe doesn’t return to the school. The teachers come and go at Mr Kim’s Hagwon – it’s an industry with a high turnover.
The previous novel I read in this genre (whacked-out English teachers in Asia) was Quincey Carroll’s ‘Up to the Mountains, Down to the Countryside’. Carroll is a real prose stylist but unfortunately one of his three main characters, Thomas, has no redeeming features and no backstory. A test of a good book for me is if some of the baddies are not all bad. The coordinator of foreign teachers in ‘White Monkey’, Kevin, is certainly an arsehole. He is lazy, racist and chases girls far too young for him. However, he comforts Darren on several occasions and sympathises with him – recognising in the younger man some of the troubles he went through when he first arrived in Korea. Darren himself if not a hero is neither an antihero. He is fairly ignorant and impulsive but he tries to put right what he does wrong. I also liked that his American girlfriend in Korea, Natalie, dumps him and then refuses to talk to him ever again. I thought this was realistic of relationships between twenty-somethings – do any of us miss those times?
Darren avenges Joe and other teachers dong chimed by Gordon by giving “the fat little bastard” cake laced with laxatives. This had me cracking up – who doesn't want to give annoying students a dose of the shits? Undoubtedly this kind of thing will offend some though. Occasionally I wished the writing was more concise but the book had me laughing out loud on several occasions – and for that rarity, I can give it five stars.
In England, the only opportunity on the horizon for Darren is to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a rubbish collector. At university in Huddersfield, Darren escapes Wigan for a few years...and finds some happiness. But things take a turn for the worse when his girlfriend abandons him for a mate. And it doesn’t help that his degree is in sociology – a course of study with fewer career prospects than philosophy. But then he finds a job as a teacher in Korea, much to the horror of his dad. Darren’s dad is a comic repository of all opinions non-politically correct. For him, the difference between North and South Korea doesn’t exist and his son is abandoning the family transition to go work under the Great Leader.
Darren’s teaching career in Korea is an amusing string of anecdotes with larger than life characters. His boss is the racist, cowboy-hat-wearing Mr Kim, who wants female American teachers but since his English cram school or ‘Hagwon’ is out in the whops, he has to take what foreigners he can get. Darren was promised he’d be in the capital Seoul, not the middle of nowhere – a typical trick recruiters use on newbies. Mr Kim hasn’t caught up that the West has become multicultural. The below is my favourite of the many disagreements between Darren and Mr Kim:
‘No!’ grunted Mr Kim.
I looked at him in disbelief. ‘I thought you asked us to bring our friends over to work for you. This guy was at univers–’ but Mr Kim tutted loudly.
‘I want teacher who look like Brad Pitt, Clint Eastwood, Angelina Jolie and sound like John Wayne, not look like Al Qaeda.’
‘John Wayne? What? Are you serious?’
‘I want my teachers to look and sound like Hollywood. Your friend looks like Osama bin Laden. Also,’ he took back the CV and scrutinised the paper in front of him, ‘Asif, no English name.’
‘English name? You know that people called John, Mark or Paul haven’t got English names either? For your information, he’s as English as me! Supports Liverpool, works in Poundland in Bradford! You don’t get more English than–’ but I was interrupted.
‘Parents don’t like dirty skin, so he no good. Last teacher I employed with dirty skin put witchcraft on students.’
‘Parents don’t like dirty skin? Witchcraft?’ I repeated to myself, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
‘The only person I will employ with dirty skin is Dr Cliff Huxtable.’
I let the image compute in my brain for a few seconds. In fact, it took me more than 20 seconds to get what he was blabbering on about until my brain focused on the words I
was hearing. ‘What? The only black person you will employ to teach here is a fictitious TV character played by Bill Cosby?’
‘Dr Cliff Huxtable looks like a kind guy, nice guy, the only dirty-skin person who will ever be employed at my school.’ And with that he scrunched up Asif ’s CV and threw it in the waste-paper basket. He looked straight at me and muttered, ‘Not even Bill Cosby would be employed here. Now you go back to work!’ he shouted.
Having read Dave’s ESL Korea Forum in the 2000s, I know these kinds of abusive Korean bosses were all too common when the Hagwon industry was at its height. Mr Kim is one hundred per cent an arsehole as is American teacher Joe. The obese Joe gets a ‘dong chim’ from the equally chubby Gordon, a student of ten. The dong chim is a game played by Korean boys where they stick their fingers up somebody’s arse. Joe’s reaction is to punch Gordon. Later that night Darren finds Joe drunk, naked and watching a video of himself shagging a ladyboy in Thailand. Needless to say, Joe doesn’t return to the school. The teachers come and go at Mr Kim’s Hagwon – it’s an industry with a high turnover.
The previous novel I read in this genre (whacked-out English teachers in Asia) was Quincey Carroll’s ‘Up to the Mountains, Down to the Countryside’. Carroll is a real prose stylist but unfortunately one of his three main characters, Thomas, has no redeeming features and no backstory. A test of a good book for me is if some of the baddies are not all bad. The coordinator of foreign teachers in ‘White Monkey’, Kevin, is certainly an arsehole. He is lazy, racist and chases girls far too young for him. However, he comforts Darren on several occasions and sympathises with him – recognising in the younger man some of the troubles he went through when he first arrived in Korea. Darren himself if not a hero is neither an antihero. He is fairly ignorant and impulsive but he tries to put right what he does wrong. I also liked that his American girlfriend in Korea, Natalie, dumps him and then refuses to talk to him ever again. I thought this was realistic of relationships between twenty-somethings – do any of us miss those times?
Darren avenges Joe and other teachers dong chimed by Gordon by giving “the fat little bastard” cake laced with laxatives. This had me cracking up – who doesn't want to give annoying students a dose of the shits? Undoubtedly this kind of thing will offend some though. Occasionally I wished the writing was more concise but the book had me laughing out loud on several occasions – and for that rarity, I can give it five stars.
June 10, 2016
While it’s not made perfectly clear in the book, it’s important to mention this book is wholly fiction, but based on personal experiences and real-life tales any teacher in Korea would recognize. (Non-British readers would be wise to look up terms like ‘GCSE’ or ‘A levels’ if they’re unfamiliar with the British terms related to education, as they’re not explained in the book.) While the first few chapters have nothing to do with Korea, they set the scene for the reasons he applies for the job teaching English in Korea.
Some elements of the story play out the same for most any teacher: the pick-up at the airport, the awkward conversations, the culture shock, the first dong chim. While it’s fictional, there are some more out-there characters or the more outrageous demands of the hagwon (cram school) owner. Like a number of stories from the humorist Dave Barry, you need to suspend your disbelief about stories being the absolute truth. I won’t spoil your adventure by telling you all the twists and turns, but it’s a great introduction on life as a teacher in Korea with a surprisingly sweet ending.
Some elements of the story play out the same for most any teacher: the pick-up at the airport, the awkward conversations, the culture shock, the first dong chim. While it’s fictional, there are some more out-there characters or the more outrageous demands of the hagwon (cram school) owner. Like a number of stories from the humorist Dave Barry, you need to suspend your disbelief about stories being the absolute truth. I won’t spoil your adventure by telling you all the twists and turns, but it’s a great introduction on life as a teacher in Korea with a surprisingly sweet ending.
August 23, 2016
A hilarious read that captures the frustrations and insanity of teaching at an English language haegwon.
White Monkey artfully skewers a number of types common to these "learning" establishments: the cynical, yellow-fevered Newfie lifer, the xenophobic South Korean boss preaching the American Dream, the overqualified POC struggling to deal with a type of brutal in your face racism out of fashion in the West, the earnest, young American hoping that she'll make a difference...
There were several passages in the book that made me laugh out loud. Likely to be appreciated by anyone with experience teaching overseas.
White Monkey artfully skewers a number of types common to these "learning" establishments: the cynical, yellow-fevered Newfie lifer, the xenophobic South Korean boss preaching the American Dream, the overqualified POC struggling to deal with a type of brutal in your face racism out of fashion in the West, the earnest, young American hoping that she'll make a difference...
There were several passages in the book that made me laugh out loud. Likely to be appreciated by anyone with experience teaching overseas.
May 1, 2018
THE HIGHLY-ENTERTAINING TRAGICOMICAL STORY OF AN ENGLISH TEACHER IN KOREA
The novel White Monkey by Carlos Hughes was published in 2016. The author was born in England in 1972 and he has taught in China, South Korea and Saudi Arabia. It was thanks to Goodreads that I discovered this book. I didn’t win the giveaways organized by the author, but I downloaded the ebook for free during an Amazon promotion. Having worked as an English teacher with a striking majority of undisciplined students in my home country and as a native Italian teacher with wonderful students in Austria and Mexico, I absolutely wanted to read this novel and I’m really satisfied about it.
The main character is Darren Finnegan. He was born in 1985 and he comes from an English town called Wigan, between Liverpool and Manchester. Three of his grandparents were Irish and his maternal grandmother was Welsh and he has the typical appearance of an Irishman: pale skin and red hair. Despite this he feels very British.
Darren is an only child and his father wants him to start working with him as soon as he leaves school, but Darren has no intention of emptying bins for the rest of his life, so he goes to Huddersfield to study sociology, even if his father thinks that having a degree is a waste of time, since all the good jobs go to ethnic minorities, homosexuals and the disabled. He can offer him a stable job.
Rachel is Darren’s first girlfriend. When they meet, they are both 18 and spend three happy years together with summer holidays in the South of France, Crete and Vienna. However, after the final exams, Darren receives a note from Rachel and that is the end of their story.
Darren goes back to Wigan and he realizes that his degree in sociology is completely useless. He’s offered only call centre jobs. Then he reads that Korean schools are looking for English teachers. Good salary, free apartment and flight paid for. Darren needs to grab an atlas to find out that Korea is in Asia, near China. So geographically ignorant?! Unfortunately I have met many people like him.
Darren has found out that his former girlfriend Rachel has moved to Korea with Luke, one of Darren’s friends, so he now wants to go there to win her back. Darren has made up his mind: he’s going to teach English in Korea, even if his father thinks that all Asians look the same, with the same black hair and the same face.
Flight to Seoul from Manchester: 10 hours. Darren has flown only twice before and not so far away, having visited Crete and Dublin. Darren signs a 12-month contract as a teacher in Korea, but he would be happier working in an office in Wigan.
Mr Kim, the school owner, speaks English, but he’s very unfriendly. He doesn’t like white men because he believes they just want to sleep with Korean women. He prefers to hire American female teachers because he thinks teaching is not a real man’s job. Moreover, he doesn’t like the sound of British English. With all his prejudices, Mr Kim is the Korean version of Darren’s father.
The other foreign English teachers are Billy from Ulster who has a Korean girlfriend, the American Natalie with an East Asian Studies major and the Canadian Kevin who is 46 and wants to have sex with a 19-year-old girl. Koreans learn English because they love America, so Mr Kim wants them to lie and tell new students and their parents that they all come from the USA.
In Darren’s first class there are 13 children aged 8 or 9. They run, scream, laugh and throw pens. Darren tries to take charge but to no avail. This is how he realizes that it isn’t true that all Oriental kids love studying.
The American Natalie is also very geographically ignorant and thinks that Yorkshire is a town! Anyway she also has a useful tip for Darren, that is using stickers and sweets to bribe his students so that they behave better.
I was shocked to learn that Korean students have a disgusting pastime called dong chim. They form a gun with their hands and try to insert their fingers in the victim’s anus. Teachers can also be their victims, because they know they can’t be punished. It’s appalling, but unfortunately ill-behaved students are untouchable in Italy too.
After being victim of this stupid play for several times, Billy is very angry and he reacts insulting and shaking his assailant. Mr Kim is furious and Billy quits the job. Kevin is sure he will find another soon. He thinks life in Korea is addictive: part-time hours, full-time wages and living rent-free. Kevin has already spent several years in Korea and has no intention of going back to Newfoundland to work on a fishing boat in the middle of the Atlantic. This is why he doesn’t care about dong chim.
Mr Kim’s ideal teachers are white American women, preferably young and good-looking, but they are hard to find because his school isn’t in Seoul. Darren and Natalie visit the capital every weekend. It takes an hour to get there by bus. Natalie hates Kevin because he uses offensive nicknames for his Korean colleagues. Moreover he likes teenage girls and can’t speak Korean. Natalie took a Korean language module as part of her degree, but she didn’t learn very much.
Darren is shocked when he realizes that Mr Kim admires Hitler, but Kevin tells him that Korea has different rules. Political correctness doesn’t work in the same way there and many people think Hitler was a great leader. Darren can’t report him as he could have done in England.
During a weekend in Seoul, Darren sees Rachel and Luke who are arguing, but he decides to walk away with Natalie who in the meantime has become his girlfriend.
Darren works 22 hours a week in a small town among the cabbage fields between Seoul and Daejeon. The locals want to touch his ginger hair and take pictures of him. His red head is a rarity in a sea of black hair.
After giving English classes to children, Darren has the opportunity to test his teaching skills with teenage students, but they are ignorant too. They don’ know that the English language originated in England and they have never heard of Shakespeare and Dickens.
Joe, the new fat American teacher obliges his students to stand up for the entire lesson because if they’re tired they keep quiet. The do-gooder Natalie thinks that’s child abuse and she complains with Kevin who however isn’t worried for a bunch of bad-behaved kids.
Joe, who is in his 40s like Kevin, likes katoeys, that is ladyboys. Natalie is furious because she thinks that he’s exploiting poor people. Darren has a sociology degree, but he doesn’t care about racism, sexism, homophobia and global poverty as the communist Western feminist Natalie does. She’s still thinking about her former boyfriend Kurt. She’s already regretting her decision of leaving him to see the world.
One day Joe punches a student whose nickname is Gordon in his face after being his dong chim victim and he breaks his nose. The child is taken to the local hospital. Mr Kim says teachers should accept dong chim as part of Korean culture. They shouldn’t see it as a sexual assault! Joe gives up his job and Gordon becomes the new hero among students. Darren is attacked by his dong chim for the second time and takes him to Mr Kim, but the school owner refuses to punish the student and gets angry at Darren instead!
Darren’s revenge: laxative chocolate cupcakes. Gordon is the fattest student and eats more cupcakes than any of his classmates. Darren has mixed the laxative cupcakes with normal ones. After that day, Gordon’s parents remove him from the school.
Natalie admits she’s dating Darren just because he’s one of the few available white men in town, but after getting used to Korean food, he’s gaining weight and Mr Kim tells him that he can’t control his classes because he’s fat. For this reason, he wants Darren to start going to the gym with him three times a week after work, but Mr Kim runs away from the gym after seeing Ayize, his former black teacher from South Africa. The Korean school owner thinks Ayize is a witch doctor, while the truth is that the black man is a doctor of linguistics who speaks five languages. He arrived in Korea to work as a professor of African languages in Seoul, but then he married a Korean woman and they had a daughter. His wife brought him back to her hometown and after being fired by Mr Kim, he has found a job as a high school teacher.
Darren receives an e-mail from his university friend Asif who would like to start working with him, but when Mr Kim sees Asif’s CV he immediately tells Darren that he won’t hire any teacher who looks like Osama bin Laden. Korean parents don’t like dark-skinned teachers. Moreover Asif has no English name, even if he’s a British citizen like Darren. Asif has a degree in business studies.
Darren decides to go and watch a cricket game in an Australian bar, but Odin, an Australian teacher working in another school in town, begins to insult both him and Natalie. Darren reacts, but he’s beaten by Odin’s friend, a giant Australian guy of Croatian descent whose name is Igor. Natalie gets angry and leaves Darren alone. This is the end of their relationship. The students laugh at Darren’s black eyes and keep telling him he looks like a panda and their mocking behaviour last for ten days, until Darren tightly ties the bendy pencil of one of his most insolent eight-year-old students.
Some days before Christmas, Darren is obliged by Mr Kim to put on a Santa costume to help him with his school advertising in town. Without realising it, six months earlier Darren signed a contract written in Korean where there is written that teachers have to do such things, if they don’t want to lose their job. Three days before Christmas, Natalie quits her job and goes back to the States. It’s Kevin who informs Darren.
The Korean teacher Mi Hyun visits Darren on Christmas. They eat and watch Titanic together. Nice surprise for him. People scream and laugh at Darren in the streets. Koreans find him amusing like a monkey in a zoo. Fortunately, Mi Hyun keeps visiting Darren and they become a couple after spending a night together. She is 23. Despite his dislike for Asians, Darren’s dad is happy because this time his son has a thin girlfriend.
Anyway the happy end is not near yet. Maureen is the new Australian teacher. Her features: fat, around 30 years old, blonde hair and a red spotty face. She has a degree in education and a great experience teaching abroad. Maureen tells Darren he can’t teach and that his students are bored by his classes. Maureen knows how to teach English and she shares tips with Darren.
Darren wasn’t interested in Asian women before moving to Korea, because Wigan was mostly populated by white people. Maureen instead thinks that Korean women are only interested in their physical appearance. She doesn’t like Korean men because their masculine attributes are smaller than her vibrator. Mi Hyun is not bothered by her words and she isn’t even convinced that Maureen is a woman because she’s ugly.
Darren celebrates his 22nd birthday in Korea and Jung Won, the other Korean teacher, has a special birthday present for him: he attacks Igor when he’s drunk. He’s in love with Natalie and believes that she left because of him. He isn’t worried because his father is the chief of the police and in Korea foreigners always lose against Koreans.
Darren saves a nice sum of money every month, but he doesn’t want to buy a laptop, so he goes to an Internet café, even if also his students and a retarded boy go there. The latter is around 18 years old and very strong. He hits Darren every time, but he can’t hit him back because he’s a teacher, so his revenge is shaking his Pepsi bottle while he’s away and restarting the computer, so that he loses his video game score.
After being promoted to teacher co-ordinator, Maureen orders Darren to go to her house for a job meeting after work. Darren is worried and his fears come true when a half-naked Maureen invites him to be the recipient of anal sex. She would like to use a big black truncheon. At this point Darren runs away.
Mr Kim wants to fire Darren before he completes his last month to avoid paying his airfare and severance pay. He gives Darren a warning letter for arriving one minute late and another for wearing brown shoes. He then tries a different move and fires Mi Hyun. Dating between employees of the same school is forbidden, as it’s written in the contract. However, Mr Kim didn’t care when Darren dated Natalie, but now he sees Mi Hyun’s as a foreigner’s whore, a traitor of the Korean race. Darren is fired too, after slapping Mr Kim’s hat off his head. That starts a fight. Mr Kim beats Darren who is saved by Mi Hyun who smashes a fire extinguisher across the back of his head. Mr Kim wants to call the police, but Jung Won promises to help his friend.
In 2009, Darren and Mi Hyun visit England. Mi Hyun has bought matching blu-and-white striped sailor pullovers and Darren is afraid he will look like a bisexual French submariner. Darren is now working in a Korean public school and he’s going to marry Mi Hyun. His parents are flying back to Korea with him to attend his marriage. In 2015, Darren is still working in Korea and with all the experience he has gained in the meanwhile he can help the new foreign teachers.
White Monkey is a fast-paced book, it’s full of interesting events and I really hope to read more novels written by this author. The title made me think about a thing my husband, who is Mexican, told me when we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems that in some parts of Mexico the locals use the expression “white monkeys” when they talk about Europeans, because we are generally white and hairy, but I think that in this case such title was chosen because, according to the narrator, in Korea white people are often treated like monkeys in a zoo.
I have found some mistakes in White Monkey, such as “ad nauseum” instead of “ad nauseam” or a fake website that sometimes is spelled as “koreaeducators.com” and others as “koreaneducators.com”, but the novel is so enjoyable that they don’t spoil the pleasure of reading it. Well done! Well done! Well done! I highly recommend this book!
The novel White Monkey by Carlos Hughes was published in 2016. The author was born in England in 1972 and he has taught in China, South Korea and Saudi Arabia. It was thanks to Goodreads that I discovered this book. I didn’t win the giveaways organized by the author, but I downloaded the ebook for free during an Amazon promotion. Having worked as an English teacher with a striking majority of undisciplined students in my home country and as a native Italian teacher with wonderful students in Austria and Mexico, I absolutely wanted to read this novel and I’m really satisfied about it.
The main character is Darren Finnegan. He was born in 1985 and he comes from an English town called Wigan, between Liverpool and Manchester. Three of his grandparents were Irish and his maternal grandmother was Welsh and he has the typical appearance of an Irishman: pale skin and red hair. Despite this he feels very British.
Darren is an only child and his father wants him to start working with him as soon as he leaves school, but Darren has no intention of emptying bins for the rest of his life, so he goes to Huddersfield to study sociology, even if his father thinks that having a degree is a waste of time, since all the good jobs go to ethnic minorities, homosexuals and the disabled. He can offer him a stable job.
Rachel is Darren’s first girlfriend. When they meet, they are both 18 and spend three happy years together with summer holidays in the South of France, Crete and Vienna. However, after the final exams, Darren receives a note from Rachel and that is the end of their story.
Darren goes back to Wigan and he realizes that his degree in sociology is completely useless. He’s offered only call centre jobs. Then he reads that Korean schools are looking for English teachers. Good salary, free apartment and flight paid for. Darren needs to grab an atlas to find out that Korea is in Asia, near China. So geographically ignorant?! Unfortunately I have met many people like him.
Darren has found out that his former girlfriend Rachel has moved to Korea with Luke, one of Darren’s friends, so he now wants to go there to win her back. Darren has made up his mind: he’s going to teach English in Korea, even if his father thinks that all Asians look the same, with the same black hair and the same face.
Flight to Seoul from Manchester: 10 hours. Darren has flown only twice before and not so far away, having visited Crete and Dublin. Darren signs a 12-month contract as a teacher in Korea, but he would be happier working in an office in Wigan.
Mr Kim, the school owner, speaks English, but he’s very unfriendly. He doesn’t like white men because he believes they just want to sleep with Korean women. He prefers to hire American female teachers because he thinks teaching is not a real man’s job. Moreover, he doesn’t like the sound of British English. With all his prejudices, Mr Kim is the Korean version of Darren’s father.
The other foreign English teachers are Billy from Ulster who has a Korean girlfriend, the American Natalie with an East Asian Studies major and the Canadian Kevin who is 46 and wants to have sex with a 19-year-old girl. Koreans learn English because they love America, so Mr Kim wants them to lie and tell new students and their parents that they all come from the USA.
In Darren’s first class there are 13 children aged 8 or 9. They run, scream, laugh and throw pens. Darren tries to take charge but to no avail. This is how he realizes that it isn’t true that all Oriental kids love studying.
The American Natalie is also very geographically ignorant and thinks that Yorkshire is a town! Anyway she also has a useful tip for Darren, that is using stickers and sweets to bribe his students so that they behave better.
I was shocked to learn that Korean students have a disgusting pastime called dong chim. They form a gun with their hands and try to insert their fingers in the victim’s anus. Teachers can also be their victims, because they know they can’t be punished. It’s appalling, but unfortunately ill-behaved students are untouchable in Italy too.
After being victim of this stupid play for several times, Billy is very angry and he reacts insulting and shaking his assailant. Mr Kim is furious and Billy quits the job. Kevin is sure he will find another soon. He thinks life in Korea is addictive: part-time hours, full-time wages and living rent-free. Kevin has already spent several years in Korea and has no intention of going back to Newfoundland to work on a fishing boat in the middle of the Atlantic. This is why he doesn’t care about dong chim.
Mr Kim’s ideal teachers are white American women, preferably young and good-looking, but they are hard to find because his school isn’t in Seoul. Darren and Natalie visit the capital every weekend. It takes an hour to get there by bus. Natalie hates Kevin because he uses offensive nicknames for his Korean colleagues. Moreover he likes teenage girls and can’t speak Korean. Natalie took a Korean language module as part of her degree, but she didn’t learn very much.
Darren is shocked when he realizes that Mr Kim admires Hitler, but Kevin tells him that Korea has different rules. Political correctness doesn’t work in the same way there and many people think Hitler was a great leader. Darren can’t report him as he could have done in England.
During a weekend in Seoul, Darren sees Rachel and Luke who are arguing, but he decides to walk away with Natalie who in the meantime has become his girlfriend.
Darren works 22 hours a week in a small town among the cabbage fields between Seoul and Daejeon. The locals want to touch his ginger hair and take pictures of him. His red head is a rarity in a sea of black hair.
After giving English classes to children, Darren has the opportunity to test his teaching skills with teenage students, but they are ignorant too. They don’ know that the English language originated in England and they have never heard of Shakespeare and Dickens.
Joe, the new fat American teacher obliges his students to stand up for the entire lesson because if they’re tired they keep quiet. The do-gooder Natalie thinks that’s child abuse and she complains with Kevin who however isn’t worried for a bunch of bad-behaved kids.
Joe, who is in his 40s like Kevin, likes katoeys, that is ladyboys. Natalie is furious because she thinks that he’s exploiting poor people. Darren has a sociology degree, but he doesn’t care about racism, sexism, homophobia and global poverty as the communist Western feminist Natalie does. She’s still thinking about her former boyfriend Kurt. She’s already regretting her decision of leaving him to see the world.
One day Joe punches a student whose nickname is Gordon in his face after being his dong chim victim and he breaks his nose. The child is taken to the local hospital. Mr Kim says teachers should accept dong chim as part of Korean culture. They shouldn’t see it as a sexual assault! Joe gives up his job and Gordon becomes the new hero among students. Darren is attacked by his dong chim for the second time and takes him to Mr Kim, but the school owner refuses to punish the student and gets angry at Darren instead!
Darren’s revenge: laxative chocolate cupcakes. Gordon is the fattest student and eats more cupcakes than any of his classmates. Darren has mixed the laxative cupcakes with normal ones. After that day, Gordon’s parents remove him from the school.
Natalie admits she’s dating Darren just because he’s one of the few available white men in town, but after getting used to Korean food, he’s gaining weight and Mr Kim tells him that he can’t control his classes because he’s fat. For this reason, he wants Darren to start going to the gym with him three times a week after work, but Mr Kim runs away from the gym after seeing Ayize, his former black teacher from South Africa. The Korean school owner thinks Ayize is a witch doctor, while the truth is that the black man is a doctor of linguistics who speaks five languages. He arrived in Korea to work as a professor of African languages in Seoul, but then he married a Korean woman and they had a daughter. His wife brought him back to her hometown and after being fired by Mr Kim, he has found a job as a high school teacher.
Darren receives an e-mail from his university friend Asif who would like to start working with him, but when Mr Kim sees Asif’s CV he immediately tells Darren that he won’t hire any teacher who looks like Osama bin Laden. Korean parents don’t like dark-skinned teachers. Moreover Asif has no English name, even if he’s a British citizen like Darren. Asif has a degree in business studies.
Darren decides to go and watch a cricket game in an Australian bar, but Odin, an Australian teacher working in another school in town, begins to insult both him and Natalie. Darren reacts, but he’s beaten by Odin’s friend, a giant Australian guy of Croatian descent whose name is Igor. Natalie gets angry and leaves Darren alone. This is the end of their relationship. The students laugh at Darren’s black eyes and keep telling him he looks like a panda and their mocking behaviour last for ten days, until Darren tightly ties the bendy pencil of one of his most insolent eight-year-old students.
Some days before Christmas, Darren is obliged by Mr Kim to put on a Santa costume to help him with his school advertising in town. Without realising it, six months earlier Darren signed a contract written in Korean where there is written that teachers have to do such things, if they don’t want to lose their job. Three days before Christmas, Natalie quits her job and goes back to the States. It’s Kevin who informs Darren.
The Korean teacher Mi Hyun visits Darren on Christmas. They eat and watch Titanic together. Nice surprise for him. People scream and laugh at Darren in the streets. Koreans find him amusing like a monkey in a zoo. Fortunately, Mi Hyun keeps visiting Darren and they become a couple after spending a night together. She is 23. Despite his dislike for Asians, Darren’s dad is happy because this time his son has a thin girlfriend.
Anyway the happy end is not near yet. Maureen is the new Australian teacher. Her features: fat, around 30 years old, blonde hair and a red spotty face. She has a degree in education and a great experience teaching abroad. Maureen tells Darren he can’t teach and that his students are bored by his classes. Maureen knows how to teach English and she shares tips with Darren.
Darren wasn’t interested in Asian women before moving to Korea, because Wigan was mostly populated by white people. Maureen instead thinks that Korean women are only interested in their physical appearance. She doesn’t like Korean men because their masculine attributes are smaller than her vibrator. Mi Hyun is not bothered by her words and she isn’t even convinced that Maureen is a woman because she’s ugly.
Darren celebrates his 22nd birthday in Korea and Jung Won, the other Korean teacher, has a special birthday present for him: he attacks Igor when he’s drunk. He’s in love with Natalie and believes that she left because of him. He isn’t worried because his father is the chief of the police and in Korea foreigners always lose against Koreans.
Darren saves a nice sum of money every month, but he doesn’t want to buy a laptop, so he goes to an Internet café, even if also his students and a retarded boy go there. The latter is around 18 years old and very strong. He hits Darren every time, but he can’t hit him back because he’s a teacher, so his revenge is shaking his Pepsi bottle while he’s away and restarting the computer, so that he loses his video game score.
After being promoted to teacher co-ordinator, Maureen orders Darren to go to her house for a job meeting after work. Darren is worried and his fears come true when a half-naked Maureen invites him to be the recipient of anal sex. She would like to use a big black truncheon. At this point Darren runs away.
Mr Kim wants to fire Darren before he completes his last month to avoid paying his airfare and severance pay. He gives Darren a warning letter for arriving one minute late and another for wearing brown shoes. He then tries a different move and fires Mi Hyun. Dating between employees of the same school is forbidden, as it’s written in the contract. However, Mr Kim didn’t care when Darren dated Natalie, but now he sees Mi Hyun’s as a foreigner’s whore, a traitor of the Korean race. Darren is fired too, after slapping Mr Kim’s hat off his head. That starts a fight. Mr Kim beats Darren who is saved by Mi Hyun who smashes a fire extinguisher across the back of his head. Mr Kim wants to call the police, but Jung Won promises to help his friend.
In 2009, Darren and Mi Hyun visit England. Mi Hyun has bought matching blu-and-white striped sailor pullovers and Darren is afraid he will look like a bisexual French submariner. Darren is now working in a Korean public school and he’s going to marry Mi Hyun. His parents are flying back to Korea with him to attend his marriage. In 2015, Darren is still working in Korea and with all the experience he has gained in the meanwhile he can help the new foreign teachers.
White Monkey is a fast-paced book, it’s full of interesting events and I really hope to read more novels written by this author. The title made me think about a thing my husband, who is Mexican, told me when we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems that in some parts of Mexico the locals use the expression “white monkeys” when they talk about Europeans, because we are generally white and hairy, but I think that in this case such title was chosen because, according to the narrator, in Korea white people are often treated like monkeys in a zoo.
I have found some mistakes in White Monkey, such as “ad nauseum” instead of “ad nauseam” or a fake website that sometimes is spelled as “koreaeducators.com” and others as “koreaneducators.com”, but the novel is so enjoyable that they don’t spoil the pleasure of reading it. Well done! Well done! Well done! I highly recommend this book!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 23, 2023
Hilariously wonderful!!!
February 24, 2023
Carlos Hughes' debut novel is so good it had me snorting coffee out of my nose.
The story of young Darren finding his feet in a foreign country has universal appeal because all of us can remember having 'one of those days'. For Darren, though, life is a continuous string of them, and he stumbles through one catastrophe after another whether he is in Wigan or Nowheresville South Korea.
Even when I was cackling at his misfortunes, I still willed the hero on to happiness. His essential good nature (barring a couple of incidents where he reveals an evil side), makes you cheer for his ultimate success.
If you have ever worked as an English teacher abroad, this novel is especially welcome, as it portrays all those hopes, anxieties, awkward experiences and small victories common to the modern educational mercenary.
The story of young Darren finding his feet in a foreign country has universal appeal because all of us can remember having 'one of those days'. For Darren, though, life is a continuous string of them, and he stumbles through one catastrophe after another whether he is in Wigan or Nowheresville South Korea.
Even when I was cackling at his misfortunes, I still willed the hero on to happiness. His essential good nature (barring a couple of incidents where he reveals an evil side), makes you cheer for his ultimate success.
If you have ever worked as an English teacher abroad, this novel is especially welcome, as it portrays all those hopes, anxieties, awkward experiences and small victories common to the modern educational mercenary.
February 25, 2017
White Monkey was the first book from Carlos Hughes and it is certainly a promising début. The story sees our hapless protagonist Darren Finnegan applying for a job to teach English in South Korea mainly to avoid doing something far worse back home in England
Right from the start and the introduction of Finnegan's xenophobic, bigoted father - an excellent comedy creation - White Monkey sets it stall out as being laugh out loud funny. It's also incredibly foul-mouthed but the crudity is amusing not offensive.
There are some riotously funny sequences but, because Hughes has created a main character who the reader cares about - a genial put upon Everyman - White Monkey is far more than a series of comic vignettes and ends up being a rather touching story.
I can't wait to check out Hughes' next book - Tommy Twice - this début novel has set expectations high.
Right from the start and the introduction of Finnegan's xenophobic, bigoted father - an excellent comedy creation - White Monkey sets it stall out as being laugh out loud funny. It's also incredibly foul-mouthed but the crudity is amusing not offensive.
There are some riotously funny sequences but, because Hughes has created a main character who the reader cares about - a genial put upon Everyman - White Monkey is far more than a series of comic vignettes and ends up being a rather touching story.
I can't wait to check out Hughes' next book - Tommy Twice - this début novel has set expectations high.
April 19, 2023
A great insight into my idea of Hell
Hilarious, inappropriate, yet a pretty good written book about the living Hell that is teaching abroad a few years ago. Who would choose to teach!? The brave or the crazy?
Hilarious, inappropriate, yet a pretty good written book about the living Hell that is teaching abroad a few years ago. Who would choose to teach!? The brave or the crazy?
April 29, 2023
Disclaimer: I received this book from Good Reads for a review.
White Monkey is the story of a young man from a blue collar family in a blue collar town in England. Deciding he doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps and become a trash collector, her works hard and graduates from college, only to find there is no work available in his hometown except for trash collecting. Answering an online advertisement, he lands a job teaching English in a private tutoring school in Korea. There he suffers the disdain of the school's owner/headmaster and the disrespect of all the students, who think his British accents sounds like a cow mooing. They really want female American teachers, but take what they can get, which is him. The book is a quick and easy read, entertaining and funny. Very much worth the time to read, I'd say.
White Monkey is the story of a young man from a blue collar family in a blue collar town in England. Deciding he doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps and become a trash collector, her works hard and graduates from college, only to find there is no work available in his hometown except for trash collecting. Answering an online advertisement, he lands a job teaching English in a private tutoring school in Korea. There he suffers the disdain of the school's owner/headmaster and the disrespect of all the students, who think his British accents sounds like a cow mooing. They really want female American teachers, but take what they can get, which is him. The book is a quick and easy read, entertaining and funny. Very much worth the time to read, I'd say.
April 11, 2023
I didn't care for it. The plot wasn't bad. I have always been interested in the stories of people traveling to other countries, but I just wasn't fond of the author's writing style or humor.
March 21, 2018
The cover sums up the whole story pretty accurate. Since the beginning, what I noticed was that there are many swearing words, too many to my liking. But I found I enjoyed the story anyway. This story has good, laughable as well as tragic moments. MC's feeling is strongly felt throughout the story, especially about when he's experiencing the culture shock. With the writing style that is easy to follow and a rather unpredictable plot, this story is very entertaining.
**I received a free copy of this book in accordance with the terms of Librarything Member Giveaway program.**
**I received a free copy of this book in accordance with the terms of Librarything Member Giveaway program.**
January 28, 2017
In a strange way, I enjoyed reading this book. Probably because the writer described a whole new world for me that is. to be a teacher, one of the main title for ne, and to be in a foreign country. In real terms, describing his feelings and experiences awoke in me emotionsand the somehow I live out together with the main character. Thanks again for the book, and I hope you will continue to write Carlos.
July 30, 2024
I have to admit, this book was laugh-out-loud funny at times; I found myself cracking up in a way I haven’t done for years when reading. Well done, Carlos; comedy gold. Bit crude and crass, at times, in a way where you know instantly it can only have been written by an English author; the language is very strong and its coarseness sometimes invokes an uncomfortable wince. I don’t have a problem with that, as such – I’m no prude – but it has to be funny. Though, in truth, Carlos hits the button most of the time.
I don’t know how much of White Monkey is his memoir, or based loosely on anecdotes he has heard on his travels; I would like to think more the former. It will serve as a very sobering cautionary tale for anyone thinking about flippantly going abroad to teach TEFL, particularly to countries where the culture difference is such a shock, such as those in East Asia. Some of the characters, though, are hysterical – especially, I felt, the protagonist’s boss (antagonist, perhaps?) Mr. Kim; I could just picture him, like a cross between a Cobra Kai villain and Peter Sellers in The Pink Panther. Wonderful. There was one character I felt was missing; I won’t give it away, but I did feel there was an unresolved story strand – indeed, the very reason for Darren’s trip. But then, of course, this might be because the book is entirely anecdotal; it would be interesting to know if so. Darren’s dad, too, is a very funny guy, even when the rules of modern society say you shouldn’t be laughing; I loved his old-fashioned, non-PC observations about the world. I’ll admit, some of the Northern English tropes were a little bit far-fetched – 50p a week wages, etc. – and perhaps northern stereotypes laid on a touch thickly, but that may have helped give the book an almost slapstick level of comedy.
Despite the fish-out-of-water theme and casual racism/xenophobia toward the travelling teachers by the locals (the title should prepare you for this), Carlos ultimately journals this time affectionately. Indeed, reading the author’s bio I can see that he has relocated permanently to the region (I am aware that the entire Far East is a big “region”; perhaps I should call it the Eastern hemisphere). I did enjoy this book. I wonder if perhaps it could have taken itself a bit more seriously, and honed down some of its rough edges, but otherwise it’s a great read. If you like your comedy old-school then this will probably be the best bit of light relief you’ve experienced for some time. Definitely recommended.
I don’t know how much of White Monkey is his memoir, or based loosely on anecdotes he has heard on his travels; I would like to think more the former. It will serve as a very sobering cautionary tale for anyone thinking about flippantly going abroad to teach TEFL, particularly to countries where the culture difference is such a shock, such as those in East Asia. Some of the characters, though, are hysterical – especially, I felt, the protagonist’s boss (antagonist, perhaps?) Mr. Kim; I could just picture him, like a cross between a Cobra Kai villain and Peter Sellers in The Pink Panther. Wonderful. There was one character I felt was missing; I won’t give it away, but I did feel there was an unresolved story strand – indeed, the very reason for Darren’s trip. But then, of course, this might be because the book is entirely anecdotal; it would be interesting to know if so. Darren’s dad, too, is a very funny guy, even when the rules of modern society say you shouldn’t be laughing; I loved his old-fashioned, non-PC observations about the world. I’ll admit, some of the Northern English tropes were a little bit far-fetched – 50p a week wages, etc. – and perhaps northern stereotypes laid on a touch thickly, but that may have helped give the book an almost slapstick level of comedy.
Despite the fish-out-of-water theme and casual racism/xenophobia toward the travelling teachers by the locals (the title should prepare you for this), Carlos ultimately journals this time affectionately. Indeed, reading the author’s bio I can see that he has relocated permanently to the region (I am aware that the entire Far East is a big “region”; perhaps I should call it the Eastern hemisphere). I did enjoy this book. I wonder if perhaps it could have taken itself a bit more seriously, and honed down some of its rough edges, but otherwise it’s a great read. If you like your comedy old-school then this will probably be the best bit of light relief you’ve experienced for some time. Definitely recommended.
January 30, 2024
A funny and clever story. Written in a deliciously rich and yet familiar tone. See more at https://simplyhonestreviews.webador.c...
December 2, 2019
The insights into Korean society were nice. Totally annoying read though because of all the swearing.
January 17, 2017
This book was not what I expected it to be, maybe because of the cover, or the way the synopsis is written, or just because I had some odd misconception.
It pains me to say that I did not enjoy this book very much. I somehow just didn't click whatsoever.
This books writing style is so all over the place, it changes from serious tones to comedic tones to swearing way to much in a very short period of time without any real context.
This book does something that bugs me so, so much which is it raises questions about xenophobia and to a small extent homophobia and other issues, but it doesn't address them in any real way.
“All the fucking reading he does in his room. A lad doing homework at his age; I think he is a fucking queer.”
I don't have a problem with these kinds of characters, if the issues are addressed and not just put out there, and that is something this book didn't do for me.
There also isn't really any development character-wise. Anytime we get introduced to a new character, and boy are there a lot of them, an old one simply disappears. There are no real character arcs to speak of. This book is a simple: this happens, then this happens, then this happens, then there is a really abrupt ending that doesn't really address the whole conflict of the book.
It pains me to say that I did not enjoy this book very much. I somehow just didn't click whatsoever.
This books writing style is so all over the place, it changes from serious tones to comedic tones to swearing way to much in a very short period of time without any real context.
This book does something that bugs me so, so much which is it raises questions about xenophobia and to a small extent homophobia and other issues, but it doesn't address them in any real way.
“All the fucking reading he does in his room. A lad doing homework at his age; I think he is a fucking queer.”
I don't have a problem with these kinds of characters, if the issues are addressed and not just put out there, and that is something this book didn't do for me.
There also isn't really any development character-wise. Anytime we get introduced to a new character, and boy are there a lot of them, an old one simply disappears. There are no real character arcs to speak of. This book is a simple: this happens, then this happens, then this happens, then there is a really abrupt ending that doesn't really address the whole conflict of the book.
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