Codependent - Now What?: Its Not You - Its Your Programming

by Lisa A. Romano

There are perhaps innumerable books on the market today explaining how a person might become codependent. The problem is, knowing why you may be codependent does nothing to help you recover from being a codependent, which is why I wrote this book. About fifteen years ago, when my life shattered around me I was dumbfounded after being diagnosed with clinical depression and told that my diagnosis was the result of being in a codependent marriage. I was just as shocked to learn that because I was raised by unrecovered adult children of alcoholics, I had essentially been programmed to think in a codependent way. With nowhere else to turn, I decided to learn all I could about adult children of alcoholics, as well as adult children of narcissistic parents in an attempt to help me understand the way my mind processed information and why. What I discovered changed my life, and in fact gave birth to the life I was meant to live. Today I am a passionate self help author and Breakthrough Life Coach who is an expert in the field of codependent recovery. Over the last fifteen years I have collected information based on my professional as well as personal experiences that have allowed me to understand what it takes to heal the codependent mind, and to liberate ones self from the web codependency truly is. 'Codependent--Now What?, Its Not Your Its Your Programming' is nothing short of a codependency manifesto. In it you will not only learn deep insights about the true causes of the codependent mindset, but you will also be given the tools you need to heal your childhood programming once and for all. When I was new to codependent recovery, I kept asking myself, "Why can't I find a book that explains how I can heal from this?" As a Life Coach I have heard countless clients ask me for tools to help them heal. This book is not only what I was asking for so many years ago, but it is what most people are in need of once they too discover that the root of so many of their ongoing troubling interpersonal issues is related to codependency.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development

197 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 24, 2016

Reviews

[Ashley Jacobs · Rating 5 out of 5]

“We are unaware that much of our pain may be the result of childhood programming, patterns of thought.”

“When we understand that the way we think is the result of what we observed and not the product of being taught how to think in a healthy way, it becomes easier to understand the concept that the subconscious mind is essentially a computer that has been downloaded with a specific computer language. Just like computers, children’s innocent virgin minds are no different. Children learn how to process the world by observing the world around them. They are conditioned to believe what their caretakers believe.”

WOW. I don’t even know where to start with this book. There is so much amazing information to digest. I must say that I listened to the audio book, and as I was listening I typed up tons of pages of notes. I’m so impressed with the amount of quality information this book is filled with. It really is a gem. However, the only way you can get anything out of it is if you take the time to do the exercises described. I haven’t started doing them yet, but I plan to read through my notes several times and then start setting aside some time each day to do at least one exercise. In the meantime I will likely check out the book from the library or purchase for my own records. It will just make completing the exercises much easier.

For anyone suffering from codependency and the many negative side effects it can have on your life, I highly recommend this book! Although I haven’t seen any changes yet, since I haven’t actively worked on what was described in the book, I am filled with a sense of hope that I can heal.

I’ll conclude with one last quote that I really enjoyed:

“Everything in life is temporary so to attach to anything is to confuse the mind.”

In describing the limiting beliefs that can be associated with legacy, the book briefly touches on grief and how much it can affect our lives. It didn’t go super in depth with this but as someone that recently lost someone very close to her, I really appreciated what it did touch on. I think that quote can be a great reminder to anyone.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actually I listed to this on audible but I ended up buying a copy on Kindle because there are exercises I want to do. So I was told about 10 years ago that I was co dependent, but it wasn't until this book that I began to understand how to undo the way I was thinking. It is a slow transformation, but one that I think I am actually working towards after this book as well as Lisa A Romano's you tube videos. I have gotten used to her New Jersey accent and her mannerisms and now keep saying "Ah Ha" when listening to her.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who feels like they are stuck in their spiritual journey. She has sound advice.

[Nico Barendse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have suffered from Codependency all my life, I was obviously unaware of it. I have been following Lisa A Romano and several others on Youtube for few years now. It wasn't until I identified with being a Codependent and learning more about the dynamic that I started my progress in healing. This book is incredible, it has helped me tremendously much in understanding myself, the close relationships around me and also the "narcissists" in my life.

I still have a long way to go on my healing journey and have accepted that it is a life long one. But this book has definitely made my load so much lighter. I have become less critical and more compassionate, I have learned to take ownership of my healing and happiness, my general confidence has improved significantly, I worry less about what people think and finally embracing who I am as a person, etc.

I am really thankful to the book and the magnitude of teachings I got from Lisa's Youtube channel. I would recommend this to anyone, whether codependent or not, it teaches one a lot to be healthy and happy.

[J.L.W · Rating 5 out of 5]

I brought this book, talked it over with some people I knew, decided it was too wishy washy and left it on the shelf.

About a year and a half later I am off work for anxiety, people that I was messaging every day and thought I was helping have extremely intense anger towards me, and I am living this strange shell shocked existence at the moment.

During this period it is one of the only books that really makes sense. (Also her videos are probably the creator that MOST hits the mark, what she said on one of her youtube videos about being walked along a relationship believing that it is authentic and finding out it is not!) I have not finished it yet but I do not envisage I will have to update the review. Currently I am reading a passage that says that people can't really get help until they realise they have to ask for it and that's where I probably am now.

[Katie Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lisa A. Romano connects the dots between childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, and just plain “unaware” parenting with adult co-dependent patterns of behavior. She brings a spiritual, compassionate angle to healing this often unconscious programming, and includes numerous actionable journaling steps. I listened to the audiobook but I will buy the hard copy so that I can refer to it again and again.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing, it was what I needed during the months I read it. It gives insight into codependency and what to do about it through exercises and reworking your brain through repetition and consistency. By putting into practice the exercises she gives, you can change your brain through neuro plasticity. I love how this book is solution-oriented. It gives you insights but then tells you what to do about it and how to strengthen that emotional, mental, and psychological muscle.

[Haley · Rating 5 out of 5]

must read for codependents

I have read several books about codependency, this one was by far the most pleasurable to read. With a undercurrent of spirituality and laws of the universe, I liked how the author gives practical science and psychology tips that are rooted in metaphysics.

I’ll probably read this one again. I’ve already recommended it to several close friends and clients.

[Katie Merritt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book taught me about something I've been struggling with and didn't know it until reading this book. It opened my eyes, and because of her first book, #theroadbacktome, I started writing again. I have since gone on to create an entire series, and a platform empowering #You to be you.

[Simon Labreche · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome read

Helped all of my issues with dealing with wrong value system. Try this book, you will not regret it I promise.

[HILDA · Rating 5 out of 5]

It really isn’t you

This book is a great start to change the programming you received as a child. Read this book and do the exercises.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read it twice and will read it again.

[Penny Bainbridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have listened to this twice now and will go back to it again. A really useful book for those of us who people please.