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Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage
The truth behind the lies. It was an unforgettable scene. Dina Matos McGreevey, an attractive woman in her mid-thirties, wife, mother, and First Lady of the state of New Jersey, watched silently as her husband, then New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, resigned his office with the revelation that he was a "gay American." The picture of grace and loyalty, perfectly composed in her pale blue suit, Dina Matos McGreevey gave no sign of the tangled mixture of fear, sorrow, and anger she felt that day, no hint of the devastation that was to come. Since then she has been asked repeatedly about the nature of her marriage, about what she knew and when she knew it. Since then, she has remained silent. Until now. Speaking up at last, Dina Matos McGreevey here recounts the details of her marriage to Jim McGreevey. What emerges is a tale of love and betrayal, of heartbreak and scandal . . . and ultimately, hope. It all began with so much promise. Dina Matos was a responsible and civic-minded young woman who fell in love with the passion of political action. When Jim McGreevey walked into her life, he appeared to be a kind and loving man, someone with whom she could build a life based on shared ideals, a strong spiritual commitment, and a desire to make a difference in the world. Beyond their initial chemistry, Dina Matos was attracted by Jim McGreevey's principles and his unwavering devotion to his work. She didnt know that his life, and thus their marriage, were built on a foundation of lies; that his past was littered with casual sexual encounters in seedy bookstores and public parks; or that, by his own admission, he began an adulterous affair with another man while she was in the hospital awaiting the birth of their child. "Could I have known," she asks "How could I have known" With scalding honesty, she tells of her life with the former governor, of the politics and public service that brought them together, and the lies that tore them apart. Here is a story of a marriage that was anything but happily-ever-after, told by a strong and resilient woman who can, and finally will, speak for herself.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
May 22, 2011
Dina, Dina, Dina. How could you not see that the man you married was just a bit off? Granted, there were no signs that he was a closet homosexual, but Dina do you remember when he never actually never asked you to marry him? Instead he asked your friend, Lori, to ask you for him. That strange move would have had me heading for the door. In all the time you dated you never met his daughter. How long did it take for that to occur - 6 years? Oh there were signs, you just closed your eyes to all of them.
This book angered me to no end. This man was a master manipulator. He was heartless, deceitful and a total egomaniac. He completely destroyed his second wife and child and didn't even bat an eye. I kept asking myself throughout this book - what the hell Dina Matos saw in Jim McGreevy, but I couldn't find one redeeming quality in him. I personally don't feel the need to read his story. It appears he was planning on writing a book anyway detailing how he married Dina for "political reasons." What a complete jerk. I kept wishing that Dina would break out of that depressed funk she was in and give him hell. But she never did. He destroyed their family, made them fodder for the tabloids, even had some calling her an opportunist. She was the opportunist? Really? This was an interesting story to say the least.
This book angered me to no end. This man was a master manipulator. He was heartless, deceitful and a total egomaniac. He completely destroyed his second wife and child and didn't even bat an eye. I kept asking myself throughout this book - what the hell Dina Matos saw in Jim McGreevy, but I couldn't find one redeeming quality in him. I personally don't feel the need to read his story. It appears he was planning on writing a book anyway detailing how he married Dina for "political reasons." What a complete jerk. I kept wishing that Dina would break out of that depressed funk she was in and give him hell. But she never did. He destroyed their family, made them fodder for the tabloids, even had some calling her an opportunist. She was the opportunist? Really? This was an interesting story to say the least.
December 9, 2014
This is what a memoir should be! Instead of an autobiography providing a general overview of life, this was a detailed period of years. It succeeded at being intimate (without being crass.) Dina's writing and sharing of her story made me feel as if I knew her as a person.
I am pleased that her ex-husband is now living authentically as a gay man. But to me, the focus was not about his coming out. It is about a spouse keeping secrets. It is about partners not communicating. That's why it hit home, because ANY partner could have ANY secrets. ANY couples could have difficulty communicating.
This book is a confessional that answers the questions: How did she not suspect? How could she not have known? She admits to being a fool and in hindsight, recalls examples of his secretive behavior for YEARS. Even about little things, inconsequential things! But she never pressed for answers or explanations.
And it even reads like a thriller! Because we already know that the book is heading toward the big announcement, each chapter builds and builds toward this life-altering climax. Months leading up to the press conference, weeks leading up to the press conference, days leading up to the press conference...
This memoir chronicles the disintegration of a marriage and I was fly-on-the-wall fascinated.
I am pleased that her ex-husband is now living authentically as a gay man. But to me, the focus was not about his coming out. It is about a spouse keeping secrets. It is about partners not communicating. That's why it hit home, because ANY partner could have ANY secrets. ANY couples could have difficulty communicating.
This book is a confessional that answers the questions: How did she not suspect? How could she not have known? She admits to being a fool and in hindsight, recalls examples of his secretive behavior for YEARS. Even about little things, inconsequential things! But she never pressed for answers or explanations.
And it even reads like a thriller! Because we already know that the book is heading toward the big announcement, each chapter builds and builds toward this life-altering climax. Months leading up to the press conference, weeks leading up to the press conference, days leading up to the press conference...
This memoir chronicles the disintegration of a marriage and I was fly-on-the-wall fascinated.
January 28, 2008
I couldn't put this one down! It's a memoir by the ex/soon-to-be-ex wife of the ex-governor of New Jersey who came out as a gay. Can you IMAGINE having no idea your husband is gay! Hard to believe, isn't it? But read her book (and hopefully see this as a made-for-Lifetime movie) and you'll learn that she was one woman wronged. I also read his memoir.
August 8, 2011
If you are looking for a chronology of Dina Matos' short stint as first lady of New Jersey and her cold, half-involved marriage to a gay man, Governor Jim Mcgreevy read on. I found this a pitiful account of a person who wrote a bitter memoir of "poor me". I found the claimed "homelessness" of someone who insisted on buying a $400,000+ home, when she was broke, unsettling. I found the entire book to be an elitist, self-centered view on her woes, in order, and including every detail of "he said, then she said" when really she usually didn't say enough or ask enough. I came away believing that not only was he living a lie to her but she went into the marriage for reasons other than deep undying love for him. As you can see, I don't have much sympathy for her. Didn't think the writing was very good, almost didn't finish but did. (Forgive and forget already, You're not so perfect.) Sad that she didn't have more empathy for his conflicted sexuality,struggle with authenticity and personality disorders. She even had to declare that she was the sane one, as well as justify everything she did as pure and good. yegads!
February 10, 2018
What a bizarre bio! We never know who our lives will come into contact with! Very interesting book
July 24, 2024
Page turner
Absolutely loved this book and felt huge sympathy for Dina who had what she thought was a wonderful husband and life only to find out it was all a sham. I hope she’s managed to find some healing 💝
Absolutely loved this book and felt huge sympathy for Dina who had what she thought was a wonderful husband and life only to find out it was all a sham. I hope she’s managed to find some healing 💝
March 4, 2012
I saw an episode of "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" involving the scandal involving New Jersey's 51st Governor, Jim McGreevey. As the "wronged" spouse, Dina Matos McGreevey provided her perspective on how she discovered, and how she reacted, when her husband turned out to be something completed different than what her portrayed to the world and her.
I was intrigued. I remotely remember this scandal when it became national and international headlines for the same reasons that all scandals become salacious fodder eager audiences: politics, power, greed, sex, and money. New Jersey's 51st Governor, James E. McGreevey, announced his decision not run for reelection, his choice to resign his post within 3 months on November 15, oh, and that he was and always has been "a gay American."
So, I went straight to my public library and reserved Jim McGreevey's memoir, "The Confession," and this book, Dina Matos McGreevey's "Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage." I chose to read them in the order they were published. So, I read Jim McGreevey's book first. I will not give my review of that book here (as obviously this is not the proper venue), but you can find it under that book's title.
I remember seeing the televised announcement, and it did briefly catch my attention. This was more due to the fact that I lived in SF and have many LGBT friends, so interest in this topic was peaked in my circle of friends. Other than a few passing conversations, the topic drifted under the radar.
Now, finally, to the review:
My opinion on whether she knew, what she knew, when she knew it, is just that, an opinion. I am not going to include it in this review, as I do not think it is relevant; nor, do I have enough information to provide and support a conclusive one.
Even though several people witness the same event, each individual will have their own version of events that may overlap or contradict others' accounts. Everyone has their own reality, which can be influenced on a number of different internal and external factors. My impression is that is exactly what happened with Dina Matos McGreevey and Jim McGreevey. Some events were presented, essentially, the same. However, when perceptions and accounts of other events clashed between the two, I was more inclined to accept Dina Matos McGreevey's version.
Yes, I took into consideration the motivation driving this book: a sort of "answer-back" to Jim McGreevey's book, and finally a way to provide her previously unspoken account of the events. Still, I found her narrative more plausible, if not authentic.
I was intrigued. I remotely remember this scandal when it became national and international headlines for the same reasons that all scandals become salacious fodder eager audiences: politics, power, greed, sex, and money. New Jersey's 51st Governor, James E. McGreevey, announced his decision not run for reelection, his choice to resign his post within 3 months on November 15, oh, and that he was and always has been "a gay American."
So, I went straight to my public library and reserved Jim McGreevey's memoir, "The Confession," and this book, Dina Matos McGreevey's "Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage." I chose to read them in the order they were published. So, I read Jim McGreevey's book first. I will not give my review of that book here (as obviously this is not the proper venue), but you can find it under that book's title.
I remember seeing the televised announcement, and it did briefly catch my attention. This was more due to the fact that I lived in SF and have many LGBT friends, so interest in this topic was peaked in my circle of friends. Other than a few passing conversations, the topic drifted under the radar.
Now, finally, to the review:
My opinion on whether she knew, what she knew, when she knew it, is just that, an opinion. I am not going to include it in this review, as I do not think it is relevant; nor, do I have enough information to provide and support a conclusive one.
Even though several people witness the same event, each individual will have their own version of events that may overlap or contradict others' accounts. Everyone has their own reality, which can be influenced on a number of different internal and external factors. My impression is that is exactly what happened with Dina Matos McGreevey and Jim McGreevey. Some events were presented, essentially, the same. However, when perceptions and accounts of other events clashed between the two, I was more inclined to accept Dina Matos McGreevey's version.
Yes, I took into consideration the motivation driving this book: a sort of "answer-back" to Jim McGreevey's book, and finally a way to provide her previously unspoken account of the events. Still, I found her narrative more plausible, if not authentic.
May 9, 2011
This is the memoir of Dina Matos McGreevey wife of James McGreevey who was the Governor of NJ from 2002-2004.
Dina writes about her marriage with McGreevey and how happy she thought they were. How during her pregnancy with their daughter he would run out for hours and could not be traced nor would he pick up his cell phone when SHE called. How she wasn't allowed to have a copy of his daily calendar nor have access to any of HIS financial information including anything pertaining to assetts and banking accts. HELLO? She continues on about how he fooled her and how shocked she was when he came out of the closet. Even after she stood next to him while resigning as Governor, she thought they'd pick up the pieces and stay together! WHAT?
HOWEVER, I ask "How could she not know?" Did she miss the signs? Was she really that naive? OR did she simply refuse to admit her husband's homosexuality to herself because she wanted to be First Lady some day? It is my opinion that he used her to hide his homosexuality, and she used him because she knew he'd win the Gubernatorial race some day, and HE DID! She liked the power of being First Lady and fantasized about living in the White House, he was her ticket out of Newark, NJ. SHE KNEW...
All in all, the book is very interesting and one sided of course. I hope that Dina Matos McGreevey and her daughter Jacqueline have found some peace and happiness.
Dina writes about her marriage with McGreevey and how happy she thought they were. How during her pregnancy with their daughter he would run out for hours and could not be traced nor would he pick up his cell phone when SHE called. How she wasn't allowed to have a copy of his daily calendar nor have access to any of HIS financial information including anything pertaining to assetts and banking accts. HELLO? She continues on about how he fooled her and how shocked she was when he came out of the closet. Even after she stood next to him while resigning as Governor, she thought they'd pick up the pieces and stay together! WHAT?
HOWEVER, I ask "How could she not know?" Did she miss the signs? Was she really that naive? OR did she simply refuse to admit her husband's homosexuality to herself because she wanted to be First Lady some day? It is my opinion that he used her to hide his homosexuality, and she used him because she knew he'd win the Gubernatorial race some day, and HE DID! She liked the power of being First Lady and fantasized about living in the White House, he was her ticket out of Newark, NJ. SHE KNEW...
All in all, the book is very interesting and one sided of course. I hope that Dina Matos McGreevey and her daughter Jacqueline have found some peace and happiness.
February 24, 2009
I vaguely remember hearing about this scandal when it occurred in 2004. A year or two ago, I saw Dina on Oprah and wanted to read her memoir. I finally got around to it last week.
I gave it four stars mostly because I think someone has to be really brave to come forth with this sort of memoir. The writing was actually pretty good. I just was repulsed at how insensitive her husband was (is?) and how deceitful he was (again, is?) I realize I'm only getting her perspective, and part of me feels like I should read his autobiography, but a much larger part of me feels like after what he did to her, I don't care what his side is--it cannot possibly explain his behavior and callous attitude.
I gave it four stars mostly because I think someone has to be really brave to come forth with this sort of memoir. The writing was actually pretty good. I just was repulsed at how insensitive her husband was (is?) and how deceitful he was (again, is?) I realize I'm only getting her perspective, and part of me feels like I should read his autobiography, but a much larger part of me feels like after what he did to her, I don't care what his side is--it cannot possibly explain his behavior and callous attitude.
February 21, 2013
I watched an episode of "Who the Bleep Did I Marry?" where Dina Matos McGreevey shared her story of being married to New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey and the scandal that followed. It inspired me to pick up her book at the library.
I was impressed with Dina's strength of character as she dealt with a husband who lied to her their entire marriage. It wasn't just that he was gay and had an affair, but he was deceptive about almost everything.
I thought Dina was very genuine and it was interesting to hear a Democrat woman describe her principles and beliefs. I was struck by how she had a lot of problems with the media. Usually, thats just a Republican problem, but it seems the media gets it wrong the majority of the time.
I was impressed with Dina's strength of character as she dealt with a husband who lied to her their entire marriage. It wasn't just that he was gay and had an affair, but he was deceptive about almost everything.
I thought Dina was very genuine and it was interesting to hear a Democrat woman describe her principles and beliefs. I was struck by how she had a lot of problems with the media. Usually, thats just a Republican problem, but it seems the media gets it wrong the majority of the time.
October 21, 2011
If you want to read a case study in extreme denial, pick up this surprisingly well written account of Dina Matos McGreevey's life with the former governor of NJ who was forced to resign after admitting to a homosexual affair. Gave the book three stars for its decent writing, but the story itself is so disturbing and infuriating it was hard to read without wanting to pick up the phone and calling Dina to scream "how could you be so stupid?" Let's hope women in our society will stop being The Good Wife in the face of appaling behavior on their husband's part.
October 25, 2010
Wow - how messed up. For someone who imagined her life one way, then you wake up married to a gay man. Honestly though, that doesn't even sound like the worst part - he's such a narcissist and attention seeker. I checked google after finishing this and it doesn't sound like her life has necessarily gotten any easier.
You just have to love the jilted spouse as a literary genre. For the record, she says she didn't know.
You just have to love the jilted spouse as a literary genre. For the record, she says she didn't know.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 11, 2014
Wow! As I read this woman's story I took pity to her but I was seeing a lot of signs of an unhealthy relationship (him gay or not) and she was in some deep denial at the time. She either made excuses for his behaviors or didn't question it. Interesting story of her time as first lady of new Jersey. I read a lot of concerning stuff about her husband--this guy was a jerk and she is better off. I feel bad for the kid --not because dad is gay but he is very self absorbed part time dad.
July 31, 2007
She does a really good job of portraiting him as a jerk and it is amazing that she held with him as long as she did... His being gay is not the real issue of her book but the pointing out of what a jerk he was throughout their courtship and subsequent marriage. The book will make you angry at his stupidity and lack of feelings for her .
July 22, 2008
Azurdee recommended this. It's written by the wife of the former gov of New Jersey that said he was a "gay American." She had no clue.
It's very interesting to me that she knew so little about her husband. I guess he was pretty good at deceiving people. Their lives seemed really separate so it's not surprising that he was able to get away with so much.
It's very interesting to me that she knew so little about her husband. I guess he was pretty good at deceiving people. Their lives seemed really separate so it's not surprising that he was able to get away with so much.
November 21, 2008
I believe she should have picked up on her husband's homosexuality before he came out; but I do feel for her and her daughter. Being an immigrant, she may have been more trusting than she should have been. She led a luxurious lifestyle and I hope she can learn to cope to live with less; because most of us do.
April 19, 2009
The criteria to judge this kind of book is, was it gossipy enough?
And yes, it was, despite McGreevey's early declaration that she isn't the kind to tell secrets. Forgive her, for she is scorned. Now I'm going to read the book her husband wrote about his side.
I think I'll probably still think he's a dick, tho.
And yes, it was, despite McGreevey's early declaration that she isn't the kind to tell secrets. Forgive her, for she is scorned. Now I'm going to read the book her husband wrote about his side.
I think I'll probably still think he's a dick, tho.
June 15, 2009
What an eye opener. Dina Matos did a good job explaining how she could have been completely unaware of her husband's "true" nature. I agree with her decision to tell her side of the story, and yet at times it felt like she was still explaining decisions she made as First Lady of New Jersey (e.g. wearing expensive clothes, completely remodeling the Governor's mansion...).
August 25, 2015
This was an excellent book, albeit a sad one. This poor woman endured much pain and humiliation after believing she was married to her Prince Charming. It was scary to think how someone (her husband) could lead such a scandalous double life. This book will make you think carefully about who you choose as a life partner.
December 30, 2014
I recommend this book highly. My marriage and divorce were very similar to the author's and I found her account to be accurate, insightful and fair. If you wonder about straight spouse/gay spouse relationships, this book will answer your questions.
January 23, 2013
I read Jim McGreevey's book and Dina Matos' book back to back one weekend so I can get both of their stories. After reading their stories, I think the truth is somewhere in between. I will say I liked her book more.
July 27, 2013
There are two sides to every story. Pretty much everyone out there already knows Jim McGreevey's side. It's truly interesting to take a look at this widely publicized scandal from the other perspective.
Want to read
May 29, 2007I heard an interview with her on NPR and it was really intriguing. I don't know if I agree/believe a lot of her story, but I feel the same way about her husband. We'll see...
June 26, 2007
I know who wrote this book for real
February 2, 2008
sad and interesting. i am glad that i have a great marriage to my man!
February 3, 2008
Good book. It was interesting all the "signs" there were before the confession. Although, when you believe in someone, you tend not to notice, or rationalize them up down and sideways.
February 6, 2008
It's not the best book in the world but it's interesting. You'll find yourself calling the author an idiot through most of the book though.
April 2, 2008
This book is great. I highly recommend it.
December 14, 2008
THis was good. I don't know how she missed all the signs and just went a long with all the strange behavior, but an interesting read.
Read
March 29, 2009boring!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews