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On My Own: The Art of Being a Woman Alone
At some point over the course of the average American woman’s life, she will find herself alone, whether she is divorced, widowed, single, or in a loveless, isolating relationship. And when that time comes, it is likely that she will be at a loss as to how to handle it. As a society, we have an unspoken but omnipresent belief that a woman alone is an outcast, inherently flawed in some way. In this invigorating, supportive book, psychotherapist Florence Falk aims to take the fear, doubt, confusion, and helplessness out of being a woman alone. Falk invites all women to find their own paths toward an authentic selfhood, to discover the pleasures and riches of solitude, and to reconnect with others through a newfound sense of self-confidence.
Like so many women before her, Florence Falk found herself divorced, alone, and unsure of herself. Soon she realized that by embracing her solitude for what it was—a potentially enriching and life-altering experience—she could turn what once would have felt like “loneliness” into a far more positive and empowered “aloneness.” Falk notes that each of us has two opposing drives: one causes us to yearn to make close connections with others, and the other pulls us back into ourselves, into the need for selfhood and certainty that can only be shaped through solitude. In order to be whole, she says, we must heed both of those impulses. But in our modern culture, the former is stressed while the latter is neglected, even vilified. On My Own boldly shifts that paradigm.
With inspiring, intimate stories of women from all backgrounds, Falk illuminates the essential role that being alone plays in women’s lives. Whether she is in a stable relationship or on her own, every woman must learn to be by herself; for if she can be fully free, unfettered by society’s stigmas about being alone, life and all its possibilities will open up for her. And as Falk demonstrates, once a woman has discovered the richness of solitude, she is not likely to give it up so easily.
From the Hardcover edition.
Like so many women before her, Florence Falk found herself divorced, alone, and unsure of herself. Soon she realized that by embracing her solitude for what it was—a potentially enriching and life-altering experience—she could turn what once would have felt like “loneliness” into a far more positive and empowered “aloneness.” Falk notes that each of us has two opposing drives: one causes us to yearn to make close connections with others, and the other pulls us back into ourselves, into the need for selfhood and certainty that can only be shaped through solitude. In order to be whole, she says, we must heed both of those impulses. But in our modern culture, the former is stressed while the latter is neglected, even vilified. On My Own boldly shifts that paradigm.
With inspiring, intimate stories of women from all backgrounds, Falk illuminates the essential role that being alone plays in women’s lives. Whether she is in a stable relationship or on her own, every woman must learn to be by herself; for if she can be fully free, unfettered by society’s stigmas about being alone, life and all its possibilities will open up for her. And as Falk demonstrates, once a woman has discovered the richness of solitude, she is not likely to give it up so easily.
From the Hardcover edition.
304 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
114 people are currently reading
1268 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
December 2, 2008
I think the title is a little misleading. The book is really about what it means to be a woman in her own right as separate as possible from societal pressures that force so many women to suppress their real life passions. It's written by a therapist based on her experiences helping women discover their true selves, so it's very anecdotal. It's about embracing oneself as whole person with a unique identity that is not directly tied to one's role.
May 26, 2019
Upon first glance, this book posits itself as an encouraging resource for women working to live a fruitful life alone. Unfortunately, I found it to be quite the opposite and actually, very depressing. I think the intention is good but the execution is lacking/way off the mark. What I had hoped the book would say: " Here's the hardships women face and here are some practical tools and ideas for overcoming those. Plus, real examples of women successfully living alone and loving it." What the book actually says: " Women's lives are really freaking hard and here's 47 reasons why, how we're socialized to hate ourselves and, in case you're needing real stories of these hardships, here's some about sexual assault and women being degraded throughout their lives". It honestly made me less hopeful about my ability to be a happy, successful woman living alone. Sorta hated it. Pick up " Girl, Wash your Face" instead.
January 1, 2008
I felt a little gyped when I started this book to find out that the author was raising childen after her divorce. That to me is very different than being completely alone, as children are company/companionship of a sort - though I understand it's not the same as having a partner.
She makes a good point about the cultural emphasis we have on "packaging" ourselves up to be appealing to men (or women) with the point being to be part of a couple. The other good point that she makes is that we don't know what the future will hold. We don't know what will happen next week, so how can we be fatalistic about the rest of our lives. So, yes, the "always" and "nevers" that often come up in our thoughts for the future probably can be stricken.
She is a bit repetitive... and I didn't find any strategies for how to learn to be alone successfully. If anything the book was a bit depressing for it's reminders that older women have fewer choices regarding a mate (older men want younger women and often get them), and that you might just end up alone. Which, while true, wasn't exactly what I had hoped to get out of the book.
Overall, while not a bad read it's not something I'd recommend.
She makes a good point about the cultural emphasis we have on "packaging" ourselves up to be appealing to men (or women) with the point being to be part of a couple. The other good point that she makes is that we don't know what the future will hold. We don't know what will happen next week, so how can we be fatalistic about the rest of our lives. So, yes, the "always" and "nevers" that often come up in our thoughts for the future probably can be stricken.
She is a bit repetitive... and I didn't find any strategies for how to learn to be alone successfully. If anything the book was a bit depressing for it's reminders that older women have fewer choices regarding a mate (older men want younger women and often get them), and that you might just end up alone. Which, while true, wasn't exactly what I had hoped to get out of the book.
Overall, while not a bad read it's not something I'd recommend.
January 8, 2016
While this book talked about some good points, the overall tone of the book was very slow. I forced my way through the end of it. Focuses very much on heteronormative, monogamous relationships. At the end of the book, the author mentions something about homosexual relationships between women. I only wish that some of these accounts were shared throughout the book. Overall, the book is self perpetuating--almost a sob story within itself, sharing the idea that women need to have solitude, but planting the idea that the only way to find that solitude is through some kind of break from the kinds of relationships that put you in a negative predicament.
That being said, I did learn some insights into the development of social perceptions, especially through adolecesne. Looking into my own past helped me identify my present behaviors.
That being said, I did learn some insights into the development of social perceptions, especially through adolecesne. Looking into my own past helped me identify my present behaviors.
July 21, 2021
I’ve often been questioned about my need for solitude and this book helped me own it! For those that know me well, finding alone time is a rarity but I truly am a better person when I carve out and give myself the gift of solitude. I only gravitated to parts of this book but would still recommend it for all to understand the need to devote energy to oneself.
February 2, 2022
This book offers an unflinchingly positive look at what it means to be an independent woman in the modern world. It helped me to answer questions that have been with me for a long time, such as: why is being a Woman Alone such a frightening concept? Why do women (in particular) resist the idea of being alone? What aspects of a young person's development affect how she adapts to or is inclined toward being an independent person? It is not a flawless book by any means, but is very thought-provoking and validating for those of us who are still trying to figure out exactly what we want in life.
Editing to add: Just finished my second reading almost three years later, and it has helped me even more the second time around.
Editing to add: Just finished my second reading almost three years later, and it has helped me even more the second time around.
April 23, 2023
This book talks about why many women find it hard to be alone. The author explains that poor childhood experiences with aloneness can cause maladaptive behaviours as adults. There is, of course, society's belief that a woman alone is a failed woman. Additionally, the author argues that many women find it hard to be alone because they aren't comfortable with themselves and thus need to go on a journey to find wholeness.
It's got some good nuggets in there, and I think it's a book that's worth rereading when you're in different stages of your life.
It's got some good nuggets in there, and I think it's a book that's worth rereading when you're in different stages of your life.
October 24, 2010
I think that it would be benificial for all women, whether they are in a relationship or not, to read this book. The essence of this book is letting women know that it is not only okay, but essential to have time alone. Alone means many, many things. For some it means living alone. For others it may mean ensuring that there is time for solitude built into their lives. There are many great insights in this book. It is very well written. I skipped over about half the vignettes. I preferred to get to the point. However the vignettes in the last chapters really helped me understand the concepts. I marked so many pages! Here's a favorite quote from the book: "...seasoned by solitude, we're ready to welcome others to our table, having more of ourselves to offer and share." A great goal for me!
November 24, 2014
I did enjoy this book very much. It mirrors a lot of the feelings I had when thinking a lot about being alone, not "with somebody". It confirmed my belief that being alone is not something to be ashamed of, or something that marks you as somehow lacking. But instead it's a time to explore who you really are, a time to enjoy and ultimately it's an enriching experience.
However, I also felt this book was repetitive, and if you're really grappling with adjusting to aloneness, it does not offer any hands-on solutions, but only the comfort that you're not the only one feeling like this and that being alone is alright!
However, I also felt this book was repetitive, and if you're really grappling with adjusting to aloneness, it does not offer any hands-on solutions, but only the comfort that you're not the only one feeling like this and that being alone is alright!
April 28, 2008
This book covered a topic not often considered in the plethora of self-help manuals flooding the book markets: how to successfully live as a woman without a mate. While I was intrigued by this premise, I found the author to be somewhat redundant in the presentation of her ideas, with more anecdotal references than original thoughts. Yet and still, I it did lead me to new considerations about the solitary woman's place in American society.
June 10, 2016
It's not about me
I bought this book for my own sake - to take the information in here and apply it to myself. But I got more out of it than that. Falk's compassion for all women rubbed off on me and reading the book became a way to connect with the women in the stories she presented.
This book has made me excited about my alone time. I think I'll go on vacation for a month to get a taste of real solitude!
I bought this book for my own sake - to take the information in here and apply it to myself. But I got more out of it than that. Falk's compassion for all women rubbed off on me and reading the book became a way to connect with the women in the stories she presented.
This book has made me excited about my alone time. I think I'll go on vacation for a month to get a taste of real solitude!
June 26, 2008
I loved the stories of women clients, her insights and wisdom. Not so much a self-help book as an empowering reminder of the difference between being "alone" and "lonely" and that society still defines a woman's status according to her relationships.
September 12, 2022
i would dnf this book but I was listening to it as an audiobook and I already gotten 60% of the way through. The book had in my opinion no structure, I didn’t get anything from it, and it seemed like was all over the place.
August 20, 2011
A really helpful guide to discerning "aloneness"
November 5, 2022
didn’t even finish it. boring!!
August 9, 2021
I am SO glad I came across this book. Author does an incredible job of covering the subject from ALL points of view. Even though I have felt like I was going through this all alone, it is very comforting to know that others experience the same things I have been going through. I also thought some of the very same things she writes about in here......the fear is very real indeed.
Also made the connection of how childhood experiences of feeling alone or not seen, can spring it's ugly head back up later in life, when we are alone once again. Loved how she segued from loneliness into being alone to reveling in solitude at last. Picked up the important part, how being very lonely is really being uncomfortable with yourself. When you come to find 'who you are' within, then you don't mind being alone with yourself because you are now 'comfortable'. (This can take years) This eventually leads into a want to be in solitude willingly as we become more 'whole'.
This review might sound a little strange to some, but it was EXACTLY what I needed in my life right now. Thank you so much Florence Falk ~ ! :)
Also made the connection of how childhood experiences of feeling alone or not seen, can spring it's ugly head back up later in life, when we are alone once again. Loved how she segued from loneliness into being alone to reveling in solitude at last. Picked up the important part, how being very lonely is really being uncomfortable with yourself. When you come to find 'who you are' within, then you don't mind being alone with yourself because you are now 'comfortable'. (This can take years) This eventually leads into a want to be in solitude willingly as we become more 'whole'.
This review might sound a little strange to some, but it was EXACTLY what I needed in my life right now. Thank you so much Florence Falk ~ ! :)
January 28, 2022
I try to read what others thought about a book I just finished myself before my own review not to color my own thinking; I’m, for the most part, dissuade-able. I know what I like, and I know what hits me in the feels.
With that said, there seems to be some fairly harsh criticism for this one, and most of it is unfair. I think that speaks to what season of life you are in, and the degree to which you find yourself walking this world alone.
For me, this was a good read. Some applied to me while other parts didn’t. In the end, I came away from it feeling like I’m not the only one, so in that sense, the book succeeded, didn’t it?
With that said, there seems to be some fairly harsh criticism for this one, and most of it is unfair. I think that speaks to what season of life you are in, and the degree to which you find yourself walking this world alone.
For me, this was a good read. Some applied to me while other parts didn’t. In the end, I came away from it feeling like I’m not the only one, so in that sense, the book succeeded, didn’t it?
August 10, 2018
Comforting
I’m read this book while going through my own struggles with being alone. This is a very comforting book, validates a lot of feelings I struggle with. It doesn’t sugarcoat it either, like the tired advice to just love yourself and once you do then your partner will appear. The only drawbacks I encountered were a huge focus on the feminine (as if reclaiming ones feminine side is a pre-requisite to being on your own) and there’s not much direction on specific steps to take to learn to be on your own.
I’m read this book while going through my own struggles with being alone. This is a very comforting book, validates a lot of feelings I struggle with. It doesn’t sugarcoat it either, like the tired advice to just love yourself and once you do then your partner will appear. The only drawbacks I encountered were a huge focus on the feminine (as if reclaiming ones feminine side is a pre-requisite to being on your own) and there’s not much direction on specific steps to take to learn to be on your own.
June 21, 2021
like it but definitely felt like the author is making really broad claims based off of her own experiences and the subset of women she worked with as clients, which obviously skews toward the white and upper middle class end of the spectrum, and then occasionally posing but not answering questions about how similar issues affect poc, poor, or gender expansive people. definitely a little too gender essentialist and second wavey for me at times, despite the author's occasional gestures toward intersectionality. but still found a lot to enjoy.
June 23, 2019
I know I will be reading this many times over the years as I found it that helpful in looking inside myself in terms of woman as whole person. I can't fully put into words yet how much I needed to discuss the ideas in this book within my own mind. I still feel like I am grappling with it all. This is a definite blessing of a book and I am thankful I found it. Highly recommend for any women to read especially women unsure of their true self as whole.
November 15, 2018
This book was a powerful book, and truly insipiring. Though I am not able to relate to the author and what she is writing about in some ways, but in others I am. This book opened my eyes to realize the struggles that a lot of women go through these days, and all alone. Yes, I would recommend this book.
Read
October 23, 2024I read this at a time in my life when I really needed to be okay with being alone and it was helpful. Not life changing but helpful.
Then I loaned it to a coworker who told me she wanted to break up with her boyfriend but was afraid of being alone and when I saw her the next day she was like “oh yeah we got back together” and I never saw the book again 😑
Then I loaned it to a coworker who told me she wanted to break up with her boyfriend but was afraid of being alone and when I saw her the next day she was like “oh yeah we got back together” and I never saw the book again 😑
February 26, 2025
I’m not one to DNF books but between the narrator and the content, I was bored out of my mind. It also needs a trigger warning. I didn’t expect to suddenly hear in detail the SA of a minor. I gave up at 35% as I had yet to hear any helpful advice. Most of it was stories of other people. It had potential but wasn’t for me
Read
February 11, 2022A book that can be revisited several times, have recommended to clients (must be culturally aware and sensitive in this due to some triggering content and non-inclusive language, written from heteronormative perspective).
August 26, 2023
Always eager to share this book with women ending new phases in life (divorce, empty nest, loss of partner, etc.). Incredibly encouraging for those who have sought either validation or affirmation from anyone other than themselves.
December 7, 2024
Such a great, supportive book. It talks about embracing solitude as a friend rather than an enemy, and the many benefits it can bring to your life. It was a little difficult to follow at first, but really cleared up towards the end.
September 19, 2025
I would give this book to someone who just broke up and doesn't know how to stay TF alone, but it's also too long that I can foresee the reader getting a boyfriend before the last chapter.
Though it did make me reflect that I be on this phone instead of being with myself.
Though it did make me reflect that I be on this phone instead of being with myself.
August 25, 2018
A Bible for every woman. It enables a true woman inside every female to emerge and reach to her full potential.
April 10, 2020
Misleading title. How to get back to being how YOU are and how to thrive on being solitary in that space.
November 8, 2020
Puiki knyga!!! Visoms moterims būtina paskaityti, nesvarbu ar Jūs vieniša ar ištekėjusi. Tiesiog moterims daug minčių ir pamąstymų, kurie rutinoje pasimeta.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews