MFK Fisher’s The Gastronomical Me–queerness, class, violence, sensuality, and lyricism
MFK Fisher is one of a few complicated midcentury American women writers whose grip on me is functionally bottomless despite my distaste for her bourgeois class allegiance and politics. I was given The Art of Eating, a compendium of her works, by an older trans man I was dating in college. In a real way, she taught me to take dignified and unapologetic pleasure in food–and in cooking for others– after a youth of eating disorders brought on by body dysphoria, anxiety, and diffuse political guilt. Like another of my complex idols, Anaïs Nin, Fisher was brought up at the dawn of the twentieth century, died in its third quarter, and approached the sensual, the mysterious, and the taboo with a compulsive, incisive and occasionally hyperbolic documentary hyper-lexia which bucked the expectations of her class, her gender and her time. She was also what I can safely call a liberal racist, was apparently unengaged in any of the liberatory struggles going on around her either in Europe or America at any point in her life, and believed wholeheartedly in a kind of gustatory snobbery, in a self-aware but resigned way that’s alternately cathartic and chilling to read. It’s sort of impossible to discuss her without quoting her, so I will do a little of that throughout this piece; otherwise you just can’t get a sense of her style, which is so comforting and compulsively readable that I return to it whenever I am sick. I am sick now, with a cold I probably picked up doing library service on Rikers. Despite Auden’s assertion that she was the best prose writer in the United States, Fisher is pretty under-read among my generation, and on the few times that elderly patrons would request her work at NYPL during my tenure there, I would have to confess to them that we had but few copies, even of her bestselling WWII making-the-best-of-rationing-scarcity work, How To Cook A Wolf.
Her youth was almost contemporary with the youth of mixed-race comics artist George Herriman, creator of Krazy Kat– a Southern California town, a life spent from her teens working for newspapers adjacent to astonishing vistas being rapidly transformed–but simultaneously a later edition of Agatha Christie, a world where improbable violence happened while girls went away to finishing school. Fisher tells us in The Gastronomical Me that the first chef to introduce her and her sister to true depth of flavor or savor was a woman named Ora, hired by her Puritanical grandmother who approved of only white sauces. Ora makes lovely pies, with dear little flowers in the crust. She conveys spice to a dish. If you are skimming this chapter, you might almost miss the ending:
“The next day, though, we found that Ora, instead of leaving her mother after a quiet pleasant Sunday in which the two elderly women had gone to church and then rested, had cut her into several neat pieces with her French knife. Then she ripped a tent thoroughly into ribbons. I don’t know how the tent came in…maybe she and her mother were resting in it. Anyway it was a good thing to rip. Then she cut her own throat, expertly… I don’t know about Father and Mother, but Anna and I were depressed. The way of dying was of only passing interest to us at our ages, but our inevitable return to ordinary sensible plain food was something to regret. We were helpless then, but we both learned from mad Ora, and we know what to do about it, because of her.” (p 363).
Cooking is murder; cooking is passions you aren’t allowed to have. Eating is complicity in murder. This passage rhymes with one far later in the book, also involving complicity and a slashed throat: Mary Frances and her second husband, who is dying, are traveling to Milan during the fascist period, and there is a refugee imprisoned on their train, along with some German tourists.
“Three men walked quickly through the car. Two were big, not in uniform but with black shirts under their hot mussy coats, and stubble on their faces. The man between them was thinner, and younger, and although they went single file and close together, we saw he was handcuffed to each of them. Before that summer, such a thing would have shocked us, so that our faces would be paler and our eyes wider, but now we only looked up at the old waiter. He nodded, and his own eyes got very hot and dried all the tears. “Political prisoner he said…then the chef with the highest bonnet saw us, and beamed and raised his glass, and the others turned around from their leafy table and saluted us too, and the door slammed behind the three dark men…We drank the rest of the Asti, and as people began to come in to lunch, we made the signal to the suddenly active boy that we would be back later. Just then there were shouts and thuds, and the sound of shattering glass. A kind of silence fell all about us, in spite of the steady rattle of the train. The old waiter ran down the car…finally the old waiter ran back into the car. His face was furious, and he clutched at his shoulder. The travelers stared at him, still chewing. He stopped for a minute by our table. His voice was very low. “He tried to jump through the window,” he said, and we knew he was talking about the refugee. “The bastards! They tore my coat!”...the vermouth was bitterer than any we had ever tasted, almost like a Swiss gentian-drink, but it tasted good after the insipid wine.” (p. 532)
When they arrive in Milan, they learn that the prisoner cut his throat intentionally on the glass of the window.
I like Fisher because she so clearly relishes the proximity of the violence, confusion and darkness of her own world; if she makes no attempt to reckon with it philosophically or treat its injustices as problems to be solved, she at least exactingly points to it, to make sure that you, too, see what’s going on. She went back and forth across the Atlantic during the years of the late 1930s, first divorcing one husband and then seeking medical care for another. She witnessed many Jewish refugees fleeing, and spoke to them, and befriended them. She witnessed a young cousin date a Nazi who spoke with humor of soldiers shooting swimming refugees along the coast of Italy. Simultaneously, she didn’t do anything. She was absorbed in her own life and troubles; she was not implicated. She floated on into midcentury, the deep well of her personal sadness unrelated to the mass exterminations reshaping Europe. But she is aware of that depth; another, more insipid writer might not have bothered to comment.
Fisher became a food writer because she personally was invested in food. She is one of the best-ever at writing about the experience of it, usually through the lens of her own life– though she herself said that the personal essay was self-indulgent. However, the popularity of her nonfiction was also part of a turn in publishing initiated by Julia Child and her determined girlboss editor Judith Jones–a response to the canned food and limited palate of American dining which attempted to remind readers and cooks of the pleasures and freedoms of the table–especially the European table, but also about the capacity for pleasure and consumption available to even the most modest American consumer. This freedom was partially about democracy and abundance of food in the imperial core, and partly class aspiration: Fisher, like Child, had the privilege of traveling to France with her husband and learning about cooking from the ancient culinary lineages there, despite all their financial instability during the Depression (in her historical writing, much more full of gas than her personal writing, she credits France with more than its fair share of world culinary innovation while misunderstanding most other countries). Her chops with talking about terrines of pâté in Dijon, remote restaurants in the French countryside, and perfect wines on trains in Italy were unassailable–while at the same time, her middle-class brusqueness, directness, humor and occasional coarseness or downright vulgarity spoke to a more democratic American skepticism for innuendo, euphemism or stuffiness. The pleasure of reading Fisher is the pleasure of reading about a woman pleasuring herself, a la Nin, combined with the incisive social commentary of an observant journalist and the occasional off-color characterizations or riffing of a David Rakoff or David Sedaris.
The proximity of queerness in MFK Fisher’s writing is just not debatable. Some examples are clearer than others. Every time gay people come up, she points them out to you, to make sure you also know they are there. One such is Ms Cheever, the housekeeper at the finishing school she goes to in SoCal in about 1920. There are at least ten or eleven times that I’ve insisted that people around me (in my house, or, more embarrassingly, outside it) listen to me read to them from the essay The First Oyster. This story concerns the first time that little Mary Frances ate a Blue Point –which was at a holiday Christmas party at her school.
“The oyster seemed larger. I knew that I must down it, and was equally sure I could not. Then, as Olmstead put her thin hand on my shoulder blades, I swallowed once, and felt light and attractive and daring, to know what I had done. We danced stiffly around the room, and as soon as a few other pairs of timid girls came into the cleared space by the tree…I floated on, figuratively at least, in Olmstead’s arms. The dance ended…Inez murmured in my ear, “dance with me next, will you, Baby-face? There’s a couple of things boys can do I can’t, but I can dance with you a damn sight better than that bitch Olmstead.” (p.375)
Fisher strongly and repeatedly emphasizes that homosexual crushes are the norm, and explains in clear terms that lovely big-nosed senior girl Olmstead and despicable junior Inez are courting her. At the same time, adult homosexuality is remote, more serious, and possibly frightening– while the college-educated girls’ school teachers might “write passionate notes” to a similarly-educated gym teacher, degree-less Ms Cheever’s existence mainly appears to Fisher to be characterized by a painful and class-based loneliness. Her care and zeal is put into the food that the school serves the students; when Fisher flees presumptuous Inez on the dance floor looking for more oysters, she discovers in the kitchen Ms Cheever and the school nurse.
“Her mouth, puckered from years of dyspepsia and disapproval, was loose and tender suddenly, and she sniffed with vulgar abandon. She stood with one arm laid gently over the scarlet shoulders of the fat old nurse, who was dressed fantastically in the ancient costume of Saint Nicholas. It became her well, for her formless body was as generous as his, and her ninny-simple face, pink-cheeked and sweet, was kind like his and neither male nor female…Mrs. Cheever did not see me either. For the first time I did not feel unattractive in her presence, merely completely unnecessary. She put out one hand, and for a fearful moment I thought perhaps she was going to kiss me: her face was so tender. Then I saw she was putting oysters carefully on a big platter that sat before the nurse, and that as she watched the old biddy eat them, tears kept running bloodlessly down her soft ravaged cheeks……as she watched the old woman eat steadily, voluptuously, of the fat cold molluscs, she looked so tender that I turned anxiously toward the sureness and stability of such small passions that lay in the dining room.” (p 377)
In her other memoir, Long Ago In France: The Years in Dijon, some of Fisher’s diaries are excerpted to paint a picture of her French existence. During this time, she details a visit to an alcoholic lesbian that she knew from her college years. The woman is in constant conflict with her girlfriend and housekeeper, is remarkably vain and lonely, and taken up with the care of terrible little dogs. This kind of unsympathetic portrait is typical, but so frequent and varied– an emotionally volatile gay milliner “giggles” and brags that he loves to lie naked with his cat on his tummy, a gay airline steward “twitches his tail” down the aisle. In another bizarre episode in Gastronomical Me, we meet a German man who seems sexually disinterested in his girlfriend, a “big, pallid” Czech woman who lives in the same boarding-house as the Fishers in Dijon circa 1930. German dude likes to talk to men– and says he believes in a “Uranic” society. “At least, I think Uranic was the word he used,” Fisher hedges. One night, the teen French son of the landlord comes and bangs on Mary Frances’ door in distress; he can hear a weird noise coming from the Czech girl’s room. When MFK enters, she discovers that the rat-faced German has been discarding his grapeskins and cake crumbs on his girlfriend’s naked belly; she has responded by having a panic attack he doesn’t seem to know how to deal with, and he leaves after MFK shows up. MFK in turn responds by closing the windowshades, covering the girl in a coat, and then running for Eau de Cologne, which she rubs all over the other woman’s naked body without, it seems, receiving any verbal communication at all. She communicates in her essay that she is thus moved to soothe/cleanse her of the nasty touch of her inexpertly sadist gay boyfriend. At last the woman ceases to moan and tremble, and MFK leaves her be– and the lady moves out the next week. What is so interesting in this scene–you really have to read it to understand–is how MFK manages to make it all sound like something that happened to her, eliding her own emotional responses besides concern for the girl–but not examining why she makes so little attempt to connect with her verbally before or after, or to explore why she wanted to touch her. MFK is more comfortable explaining that she divorced her first husband because he did not pleasure her sexually, and explaining that she fell in love with her second, only to lose him too soon; she is even more comfortable describing her relationship to food, which, while active, also positions her safely as a consumer, recipient, camera, acted-upon, at least as far as society is concerned. Indeed, unlike Child, Fisher was only ever a private chef; while she details recipes in some detail, she avoids making that her primary strategy for communicating. She wants to tell people how it feels to eat.
The most consensual, erotic same-sex scene which directly implicates Mary Frances herself is one where an insistent, domineering waitress force-feeds her several more courses than she ordered while she visits a country restaurant presided over by a famous chef, Monsieur Paul. The girl is described as passionate, heavy-breathing and annoying, but she manages to bend a lady to her will.
“I tasted the last sweet nugget of trout, the one nearest the blued tail, and poked somnolently at the minute white billiard balls that had been eyes. Fate could not harm me, I remembered winily, for I had indeed dined today, and dined well. Now for a leaf of crisp salad, and I’d be on my way. The girl slid into the room. She asked me again, in a respectful but gossipy manner, how I had liked this that and the other…”and now,” she announced, after I had eaten one green sprig and pronounced it excellent, “now Madame is going to taste Monsieur Paul’s special terrine…” and heedless of my low moans of the walk still before me, of my appreciation and my unhappily human and limited capacity, she cut a thick heady slice from the terrine of meat and stood over me while I ate it, telling me with almost hysterical pleasure of the wild ducks, the spices, the wines that went into it. Even surfeit could not make me deny that it was a rare dish..I was beginning, though, to feel almost frightened, realizing myself an accidental victim of these stranded gourmets. I began to feel they were using me for a safety valve, much as a thwarted woman relieves herself with tantrums or a fit of weeping…” (480).
Bi.org insists that Fisher and her school friend Eda Lord were lovers, per historian Rachel Hope Cleves.
Back to the older trans man who gave me a copy of her compendium, The Art Of Eating, to enjoy over summer vacation from my freshman year of college. The book was accompanied by Louise Erdrich’s The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse, as well as White Oleander, Confessions of a Mask, the entire run of Dykes to Watch Out For, and Love and Rockets. He, like Fisher, was from California, but unlike her, had grown up an indigenous queer kid in foster care. He was loving, generous, troubled, and sexy. I think one of the things he wanted me to find in The Gastronomical Me was Juanito. I don’t communicate with this man right now– we had a run-in a few years ago that made me realize it is sometimes hard to be friends with a monogamously straight-married ex who has intentionally left behind all queer urban community because it has betrayed him. However, I would like to know, should we manage that friendship again, what he thinks of Fisher’s racialized and simultaneously intensely interested and human portrait of the mariachi band singer her brother is compelled by. When she arrives to visit Mexico, her brother David, who has been living there a while, hears a mariachi band coming up the way; later, he makes them all stay at dinner at a restaurant until his favored band comes back. It is led by teenage Juanito.
“He had a pale dirty skin and hair that was rusty black, like a half-breed’s, and there was a dry old look about him, as if he slept in the dust. His hair was almost shaved off, under the Jalisco hat, and his face was young and very weary. His hands on the guitar and his sandaled feet were like claws. He stood waiting in the light, and then began to sing one song alone, without his men, a raw wild yelling song like Flamenco music, but with the mariachi-beat to it. I was hearing it all, and watching him, and I was remembering one day when I was maybe sixteen. I was illed with eagerness, then, partly romantic and partly hereditary, to know more about my father’s newspaper office. He humored me, but only a little: I was a woman, and he wanted to save all that for David. One day, though, he took me through the Back Room, and I watched the linotypists and then went over to the job-presses…at summer that night we were talking about the little presses, and Father said, “There’s one chap there…I should have pointed him out to you. He does the finest work in the shop. He made a little trouble a few years ago…tried his hand at agitating. All right now. But he spends all his spare time illuminating..he’s the real thing. Churches and big companies wanting rolls of honor…that sort of thing…he uses real gold leaf.”