How to Heal a Bad Birth: Making sense, making peace and moving on

by Melissa J Bruijn, Debby A Gould

How to Heal a Bad Birth is a straightforward guide for women who have experienced a difficult, disappointing or traumatic birth, and want to gain understanding and clarity about 'what happened' and why they feel so bad...and move on.

Written by the founders of Birthtalk.org(TM), this book works double-time as an indispensable resource for partners, family and health professionals, enabling them to offer meaningful support for a woman in this situation.

Do people keep saying 'you should be grateful'?

Often women are told to 'just get over it', or 'healthy mother, healthy baby... that's all that matters.' We know it's not that simple, and that your emotional health matters too.

This book offers ideas and tools

* explore & process the emotional impact of your birth
* strengthen your relationship with your partner
* reconnect with your child
* deal with feelings such as failure, guilt, sadness, or anger
* begin to plan for a better birth next time
Join the hundreds of women who have used these tools to make sense, make peace, and move on from a bad birth.

Genres: Psychology

560 pages, Paperback

Published June 17, 2016

Reviews

[Luann Habecker · Rating 5 out of 5]

" Put it this way: if someone came to you and told you they felt frightened, confused, out-of-control, unable to ask questions about what was happening to them and unsafe, in any situation, whether it be a girl on her first date, or a man being threatened by a gang, or a child on their first day of school, you would expect there to be some emotional fall out.
Why do we not expect this when it occurs in birth? Is the healthy baby supposed to wipe the slate clean? We know that is doesn't. Another way of saying this is that birth has an impact and a ripple effect." Pg 44

You can see that a healthy baby is not enough to make a birth positive, and that the definition of "healthy mother" needs to include 'emotionally healthy'. pg 55

This is a GNARLY and needed resource (sadly?). I was searching for something and thank you Lord for leading me to this at our local library! The Birthtalk Breakdown has been so helpful to me.. getting it all out on paper and adding to it has been a process. So want there to be debriefing groups here in the states and there are a few ... planning to meet up with a woman to debrief in person on my next visit to California... and will have to check this book out again as i didn't get to all the exercises mentioned & should we get to birth again, and that's the genius of this book, don't be overwhelmed by it's volume. It's designed to be read as you need and are lead.

reminder to self:
pg 115, 127, 133, 136, 205, 243, 265, 393, 395, 399, 470,

[Bria · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading a Facebook post from another mom that really resonated with how I was feeling about my pregnancy, birth and postnatal experience that mentioned birth trauma, I did some digging and found birthtalk.org and their book here. This book has been like a healing salve for my soul. Someone finally “gets it” and gets all of “it.” It starts off with explaining what a “bad birth” is and how to begin your healing journey. Then there’s a section where chapters are called “I Feel xxxx” so you pick which feelings are applicable to you and read that chapter, kind of like a choose your own adventure book. Inside the chapter is some educational materials that had so many ah-ha! moments for me. They then will direct you some suggested activities that may benefit your feeling. The activities is the third section. The last bit is a “where do I go now?” piece with further resources and guidance in preparing for another birth. I’ve already recommended this book to another mama I know that’s struggling and wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it others, including you! <3

[Lea ~Story Seeking Librarian~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

**I have recommended this to my Midwives and friends who are Doulas ***
Ihave read many books on Birth Trauma, none as clear as this one.
The homework and self help suggestions are very easy to follow ( well, not easy since we are on a very heavy subject!) and to conduct.
The results are eye opening, I have come to terms with different aspects of my birth .
This book has given me reassurance that I am not alone, I am not crazy, and I can heal!
Thank you for helping me face the silent voices and help them be heard to then allow myself to heal and move on.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

An empowering and validating read. I borrowed this book from my library after a traumatic birth earlier this year and it has been instrumental in taking the steps towards healing and reclaiming my birth story. This book provided a safe space for me where I felt heard in my experiences and explained a lot of what happened to me and why I feel the way I do now.

I bought a copy for myself to refer back to and to loan out to friends with similar experiences. I would highly encourage anyone involved in birth (those birthing, birth partners, doulas, midwives, etc.) to pick up a copy of this incredible book.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book after stumbling onto the author's blog, Birth Trauma Truths which contains some excerpts. The main principle of the book is that whether we experience birth as good or bad is strongly affected by our subjective experience (i.e. feeling safe, heard, in control, or scared, alone, dismissed etc). This is in addition to and perhaps more than objectively "what happened."

This book has been a key part of my healing from a tramatic birth and helped me prepare for a better experience with my second. It helped me understand what happened and why I felt so terrible even several years later. So many times reading I thought "yes exactly!" as it put words to what I was feeling. This helped so much as I felt validated and that I wasn't alone. It also gives practical exercises to help work through and resolve issues.

Highly recommended for anyone left feeling confused, disappointed, numb or overwhelmed by their birth.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me tremendously with my traumatic birth. I can't praise it enough. Every man, woman, and especially every Healthcare worker needs to read this. This books covers so many aspects of birth it is incredible. I learned so many new things about birth. I took every class there was for birth, and I'm a nurse. This book connected the scientific process of birth to my feelings and emotions. That connection is missed in all those other books and classes. This book is so valuable to so many as birth affects all of us.

[Anna Timmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for health care workers, counselors, mothers, friends, husbands... anyone who wonders why a birth has affected a woman so deeply and how to help them (or yourself). Important conversations that need to be had and help that needs to be available to women who have gone through a traumatic birth - in their mind, whether others think it was or not.

The book is laid out so you can easily flip back and forth to the sections that apply to the certain situation you are dealing with.

[Ali]

A great resource