As Time Goes By: Boomerang Marriages, Serial Spouses, Throwback Couples, and Other Romantic Adventures in an Age of Longevity

by Abigail Trafford

People today are living longer and healthier lives than at any other time in history—with profound implications for the nature of their romantic relationships. In this inspiring new book, best-selling author Abigail Trafford describes how people over fifty are rewriting the script of love and in the process redefining the institution of marriage for future generations. Drawing on interviews with hundreds of men and women, married and single, gay and straight, she shows how the unprecedented period of vitality after midlife but before traditional old age is much more complicated romantically and sexually than those glossy images of gray-haired people on the beach would suggest. And she reveals how today’s fifty-plus men and women are raising the bar on marital satisfaction. They are more likely to break up an unhappy liaison than previous generations; and they are more freewheeling in finding new formulas for romantic satisfaction. Trafford deftly narrates what it means to love and be loved in the decades after midlife—and she offers solutions to the most common problems that define this time of life. Whether she’s shedding light on “retired-spouse syndrome,” sharing stories of sexual turmoil, explaining how to plan a marital time-out or navigate the troubled waters of divorce, Trafford’s wise and compassionate counsel is imbued with her signature warmth and reassurance. As Time Goes By is an urgently needed guide to the pursuit of love and happiness in this dynamic stage of life.

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 26, 2009

Reviews

[John Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

“On the front lines of longevity, we have a mission: to keep loving and caring for others, to steward future generations, to craft a legacy by weaving our past into the present.”

[Candy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating book!

Because we are living longer, we have more time for relationships, beyond the necessary child rearing and money making phases of life.

There are so many options and paths people take in their lives, and this book explores them all.

I liked the author's style of telling a couples' story in the present tense.

This is not just a book for old gals and guys, but an eye opener for younger folks who aren't satisfied with the mainstream idea of marriage.

I was thinking about how taking Sociology in school lays the groundwork for understanding life, and realized that this book is listed under the Social Sciences in the Dewey Decimal System! It's designation is 306.81084 TRA. That is the heading "Culture and Institutions", with Institution meaning the Institution of Marriage.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Abigail Trafford has done her homework in terms of "late life love". She illustrates how marriage is changing, as we live longer and expectations and norms are re-evaluated. Her jargon was a bit off-putting "serial spouses", "boomerang marriages", but she explains herself well, with good examples of the type of relationship she's describing. The book is packed with ivaulable insights, i.e. how to enrich a long-term relationship. A winner!

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating study of marriage and other relationships in what Trafford calls "the Age of Longevity." Lots of case studies and commentary about different types of relationships into later life and possible pitfalls along the way, with ways to avoid them, but definitely a study, not a self-help book.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author conducted research for this book in 2007 as a visiting scholar at the Stanford University Center on Longevity.

Description and discussion of marriage and relationships in the 21st century, with an emphasis on mature adults after a first marriage.

I found the anecdotes distracting as they were written in present tense.

[MaryMagoon Kravulski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book that doesn't have to be read from cover to cover, so to speak. It is more or less a text- book type read in which you can "skip" around and choose the chapters that you are interested in.
However, I found that this book is 'right on" in a number of instances that she quotes and discusses,such as "the new normal" and other facts about life after fifty.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book about how healthy longevity is changing relationships