The Theft of Memory Lib/E: Losing My Father, One Day at a Time

by Jonathan Kozol

National Book Award winner Jonathan Kozol is best known for his fifty years of work among our nation's poorest and most vulnerable children. Now, in the most personal book of his career, he tells the story of his father's life and work as a nationally noted specialist in disorders of the brain and his astonishing ability, at the onset of Alzheimer's disease, to explain the causes of his sickness and then to narrate, step-by-step, his slow descent into dementia.Dr. Harry Kozol was born in Boston in 1906. Classically trained at Harvard and Johns Hopkins, he was an unusually intuitive clinician with a special gift for diagnosing interwoven elements of neurological and psychiatric illnesses in highly complicated and creative people. "One of the most intense relationships of his career," his son recalls, "was with Eugene O'Neill, who moved to Boston in the last years of his life so my father could examine him and talk with him almost every day."At a later stage in his career, he evaluated criminal defendants, including Patricia Hearst and the Boston Strangler, Albert H. DeSalvo, who described to him in detail what was going through his mind while he was killing thirteen women.But The Theft of Memory is not primarily about a doctor's public life. The heart of the book lies in the bond between a father and his son and the ways that bond intensified even as Harry's verbal skills and cogency progressively abandoned him. "Somehow," the author says, "all those hours that we spent trying to fathom something that he wanted to express, or summon up a vivid piece of seemingly lost memory that still brought a smile to his eyes, left me with a deeper sense of intimate connection with my father than I'd ever felt before."Lyrical and stirring, The Theft of Memory is at once a tender tribute to a father from his son and a richly colored portrait of a devoted doctor who lived more than a century.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Biography, Medical, Health, Audiobook

Audio CD

First published June 2, 2015

About the author

Jonathan Kozol is a non-fiction writer, educator, and activist best known for his work towards reforming American public schools. Upon graduating from Harvard, he received a Rhodes scholarship. After returning to the United States, Kozol became a teacher in the Boston Public Schools, until he was fired for teaching a Langston Hughes poem. Kozol has held two Guggenheim Fellowships, has twice been a fellow of the Rockefeller Foundation, and has also received fellowships from the Field and Ford Foundations. Most recently, Kozol has founded and is running a non-profit called Education Action. The group is dedicated to grassroots organizing of teachers across the country who wish to push back against NCLB and the most recent Supreme Court decision on desegregation, and to help create a single, excellent, unified system of American public schools.

Reviews

[Darlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jonathan Kozol is an education activist who has spent his entire life advocating for disadvantaged children and for public education, writing numerous books such as Amazing Grace: The Lives of Children and the Conscience of a Nation, Rachel and Her Children: Homeless Families in America and Fire in the Ashes: Twenty-Five Years Among the Poorest Children in America… attempting to educate the public and hoping to influence policy regarding children in disadvantaged communities. I admire him greatly and when I discovered that he had written a memoir about his father, I was interested. He always writes with thoughtfulness and great compassion.

I have to be honest, though. When I realized that the memoir was written about his father's battle with Alzheimer's disease, I WAS reluctant to read it. I have read several fictional depictions of characters with Alzheimer's but these stories always leave me feeling uneasy and a bit anxious. There is a history of Alzheimer's in my family and that thought is always in the back of my mind. Obviously, I decided to read Mr. Kozol's memoir after all and in the end, I'm happy I did.

Although the title of the book is The Theft of Memory: Losing My father, One Day at a Time, the title IS a bit misleading. Yes, the book is mainly about Jonathan Kozol's father, Dr. Harry Kozol, a renowned neurologist who helped establish the fields of forensic psychiatry and neuropsychiatry; but it is also about Jonathan's mother, Ruth, as well.. the memoir is about the ties that bind them all together.. their shared memories.

In a sense, this book is characterized by two themes… first, Mr. Kozol talks about his father's professional background, giving the reader a sense of the man's accomplishments. He even relates an incident in which he had been sorting through boxes of his father's papers and correspondence when, to his surprise, he discovered documents which showed that his father had consulted on several quite interesting cases with famous people…. the playwright Eugene O'Neill, Albert DeSalvo (the Boston Strangler) and Patty Hearst. But I think that one of the most startling things about this memoir is learning that Dr. Kozol had diagnosed his own disease. He had been suffering from some very specific symptoms, which he clearly described to his son at a later date, saying there were "clear cut indications of degeneration of the cells in the cortex of the brain and in the hippocampus." After a time, , he visited a colleague who confirmed his diagnosis. I could not help but wonder what that experience must have been like for Dr. Kozol. I suppose, depending on your point of view,his background in neurology could have been viewed as a blessing or a curse. To me, I think it might be more a curse… Dr. Kozol knew EXACTLY what would happen to him and what he could expect.

Jonathan Kozol writes candidly about the struggles his family endured trying to navigate the health care system, the challenges in trying to make decisions about possible institutionalization, and despite the vast aging population in the United States,the seeming real shortage of gerontologists. He wrote openly of his struggles with making decisions that 'felt' right to him and were respectful to his parents as people, regarding how they should be cared for. His father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at the age of 86 and his mother was several years older than his father. consequently, she began dealing with her own failing health at about the same time. He also points out that his parents were quite comfortable financially because of his father's long successful career; but after many years of hospitalizations for both parents and his father's brief stay in a nursing facility after a fall, he was faced with the fact that his parents might soon exhaust their resources. Always the activist, Mr. Zozol asked the question… how do people with more limited resources face these challenges? And what sort of quality of life can they possibly hope for?

The second theme in this book was of a more personal nature. Jonathan Kozol wrote candidly about the evolution that his relationship to his father.. and to his mother as well.. went through over the years at the end of their lives. He related that on a particular visit with his father, he was reminded of a fishing trip his father had taken him on to Maine when he was a young boy. While talking with his father, he realized that his father no longer could recall that memory. I had the sense that in talking about this memory with his father, Mr. Kozol was, in a way, telling his father that although his father no longer remembered that trip, he DID remember; and that for as long as HE could remember the times they shared over the years, those memories would would always link them together.

It was apparent that gradually over the years, the roles were reversed between parents and son, The parents who had lovingly cared for his well-being, now completely relied on HIM for THEIR well-being. Mr. Kozol wrote about the enormity of that responsibility with honesty, humor and love. Interestingly, despite Dr. Kozol's Alzheimer's, his wife preceded him in death.. although both lived beyond their 100th birthdays. If you are looking for a primer on the 'nuts and bolts' of caring for someone with Alzheimer's, this really is not the book you're looking for. Although Mr. Kozol writes about the medical challenges and the decisions that must be made to deal with these challenges, this is a memoir… more an exploration of his feelings about his father specifically and how the two of them related to each other over the years. This poignant memoir seemed to me almost a way that he could work through the myriad of emotions he felt about his father. Ultimately I see this for what I believe it truly was… a love letter from Jonathan to his father.. and a powerful acknowledgment of the memories that bound them together.

[Chuck · Rating 2 out of 5]

Jonathan Kozol has produced a heartfelt homage to his father, but -- in contrast to what the subtitle implies -- this is not at all a diary chronicling the elder Kozol's demise. Granted, it posts some telling markers as Harry Kozol's descent into dementia becomes increasingly acute, but there's little here that will be unfamiliar to anyone who has seen Alzheimer's disease ravage the mind of a friend or family member. Nor does Kozol's account provide much advice regarding coping tools, although it does certify that having enough money to pay for a good nursing home and to hire top-tier aides is a definite plus. So is a firm commitment to understanding the individual from the inside out, and making his or her remaining life as comfortable and normal-seeming as possible. Beyond that, a loved one can accomplish what the best possible hired help cannot: Jonathan was uniquely positioned to elicit old memories from his father, and he also served as an able advocate in a medical system that, unfortunately, does not always do its best for infirm people when left to their own devices.

There's no question that Harry Kozol was a gifted man who led a very interesting life, and The Theft of Memory is at least as much about that as it is about Harry's illness, which was definitively diagnosed when he was 88 years old (although previously suspected). Interestingly, Jonathan did not uncover some major historical facts until he began examining the contents of a dozen crates that Harry had shipped to him some years earlier, but which oddly remained unopened until Harry landed in a nursing home (the crated documents were supplemented by papers that Jonathan came upon in his father's office). Among the more substantive findings were records pertaining to Harry Kozol's psychiatric diagnosis of Carlotta O'Neill, wife of the playwright Eugene. Harry had also conducted sixteen hours of interviews with Patricia Hearst following her arrest for bank robbery while under capture by the "Symbionese Liberation Army"; he held his ground during court testimony, during which he was subjected to relentless cross-examination by the famed defense attorney F. Lee Bailey. And there were 145 pages of interviews that Harry conducted with Albert H. DeSalvo, the confessed "Boston Strangler". Unfortunately, though, Jonathan cannot refrain from augmenting these fascinating stories with an array of minutiae that could interest only him; at one point [p. 243] he even muses, "I don't know why I find myself attracted to those unimportant details", but that momentary insight failed to prompt their excision. This is a book that could have benefited from some serious editorial intervention.

Jonathan Kozol is an acclaimed writer; however, despite having created a sincere and readable testimonial to his close filial bond, his book ultimately comes up short. As a biography, it is highly selective and impressionistic, adhering to no clear timeline. And as a medical narrative it lacks the detail that both its title and subtitle seem to promise.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Theft of Memory: A Doctor's Tale by Jonathan Kozol is a touching, sweet book. Maybe sweet is an odd word to use to describe a man's journey through the illness of his father, the terrifying illness that is Alzheimer's.

Harry Kozol is a noted doctor, graduate of Harvard Medical School, psychiatrist who examined Patricia Hearst during her trial, Albert de Salvo, accused of being the Boston Strangler, and friend/physician to American playwright, Eugene O'Neill. Jonathan Kozol is an educator and activist, as well as son of Dr. Kozol. He writes this memoir of his father's illness.

"[his] gifts...had never been the whole of who he was....[I]n his long and brave and dignified resistance to the darkness that progressively encircled him, there was...no diminution-not in the essence of the person he had been, not in the admiration that I felt for him."

These words made me cry. But they are also the heart of why this book is not simply depressing. Kozol (long a hero of mine) stays close to his father's core self, even as his mind is swallowed up, we see through Kozol's eyes, the sweetness and dignity of a soul. Kozol stays close to his father, even as his father in some ways, seems to disappear. But Kozol, and the caregivers he hires, refuse to turn his father over to that darkness and keep him as connected as possible, as long as possible, and then a little more connected and a little longer than possible.

Kozol admits he has trouble letting go of his father. And why not? Like all father/son relationships (maybe all family relationships), there had been tensions and stresses. But there was also deep attachment and respect (on the part of the son, an awe that might be somewhat inhibiting). To help keep his father's life alive for him, Kozol reads his father's papers, both of the cases mentioned above as well as others from his long, respected career.

Jonathan Kozol comes from a family of privilege. Raised in Massachusetts in privilege, Kozol went on to spend most of his career working with children of color in the nation's poorest schools in the poorest neighborhoods (he has spent the last 10 years in the South Bronx, an area in which I also teach, only in an even poorer community) and has fought to have the voices of these children heard, their faces seen, their presence known and cared about. He has written wonderful books about these experiences and these children (On Being a Teacher, Rachel and Her Children, Ordinary Resurrections: Children in the Years of Hope, Amazing Grace are a few of my favorites). He brings a brilliant mind and a warm presence to these accounts and I was very happy when I won this book from LibraryThing. I found myself missing Kozol's political voice (although there are moments when that voice, that moral outrage, are very much present) but deeply touched by this window into his personal being, his past and that of his family.

This book is not only about illness. It is about family, complicated and sometimes (maybe often) difficult relationships. It is about aging in America (in a general sense) and the aging of two strong people (Kozol's mother is very much a part of this book as well). In the time covered in the book, Kozol's parents are in their late 80s, through their 90s, and into the 100s. And I was left amazed at the power of the life force and the strength of relationships to help keep us vital. I don't think about the elderly very often, even (or maybe especially) as I find myself approaching their ranks. And Kozol makes clear that the aged in America, even more so than the young, have little value. They earn nothing, they use resources, and we are not a country that much values life for its own sake. Fewer doctors work with the elderly and the field is one of the poorer medical areas-with the result that the doctors are burdened with heavier case loads for less remuneration.

Where Kozol's political life shines through is in his portrayal of the power of life and love even in the face of apparent desolation. Kozol clearly believes in the dignity of the human being, a value that goes beyond "productivity." And he believes in love. His parents benefit from their affluence, obviously, but their financial resources are ultimately overwhelmed by their needs. But Kozol finds wonderful companions only partly through money. It seems obvious that both Kozol's mother and father are powerful personalities that draw people to them. It is also clear that there are extraordinary people in this world, even in a sometimes hostile society.

I strongly recommend this book to anyone interested in family, againg, or the power of love.

In the interests of transparency, I won this book from LibraryThing. The thoughts and feelings about this book, however, are my own.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

#
CompNtBk
Borrowed from the library.

FS: "This is a book about my father, who was born in 1906 and died seven years ago, in 2008."

LS: "Some of the blessing that our parents give us, I need to believe, outlive the death of memory."

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've always been a big fan of the books Jonathan Kozol has written about his experiences with the American education system, so I was interested to read this book about his experiences dealing with his father's descent into Alzheimer's disease. He says at some point in the book that he wrote it in the immediate aftermath of his father's death as a way to deal with his grief and then pulled it out many years later and attempted to publish it.

That pretty much is exactly what this book felt like to me, and it necessarily in a good way. It felt like a vanity project of sorts in that it felt he did in fact write it for his own purposes and not really for a reader. His father was a prominent neurologist and psychiatrist who treated a number of well-known people. Kozol found many stories about these experiences when going through his father's papers and weaves them into this book. I didn't find it to be a very effective technique. In some ways it felt like he was trying to say look my father was an important man this is why you should care about him. I would rather have just cared about him as Kozol's father and thus in a way as everyone who goes through this whose parents are important to them even if they weren't well known.

I get why Kozol wanting to write something like this for himself, but I'm not sure that in the form that it's in that it was something that should have been published for the world at large.

[Marjorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease when he was 88 years old, Jonathan Kozol’s father lived to be 102. This book mostly centers on those years and the effects of the disease on his father, his mother and himself, with some back flashes to memories of his father and family life. Harry Kozol was a nationally recognized neurologist and psychiatrist. He taught in one of Harvard’s major teaching hospitals and played a part in the treatment of a well-known playwright and the court evaluations of two infamous defendants. But more than the recounting of this respected physician’s work during his life, it’s the loving bond between him and his son that makes this book stand out.

The author touches on how most of the decisions that needed to be made on his father’s behalf were now up to him since his sister lived far away and had her own responsibilities. The role between father and son had reversed. Caregivers will relate to this author’s journey through his father’s last years and his story will be helpful to those going through a similar circumstance.

The love this author had for his father shines through each page of this beautiful, heart-wrenching book. Even when he’s portraying his father’s faults, he does so in such an understanding, compassionate way. A touching tribute to a beloved father.

An ARC copy of this book was given to me by the publisher through NetGalley in return for an honest review.

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subtitle of this book explains its content: "Losing My Father, One Day at a Time". In the course of events, he also loses his mother. Both parents lived past 100 (on par with my own paternal grandmother!), and Kozol himself is now 78, so the decline and loss is not unexpected. Kozol honors his parents in his gentle recounting of their lives and final years, careful not to dwell on tense moments or painful memories. However, he does, in the final chapter, seek to dispel the illusion that their lives and relationships were picture-perfect. This seems to me to be a most lovely way to write about loved ones. He comments, "..whenever any memories of early disagreements of ancient-seeming tensions between my father and myself drifted backing my mind, I did my best to banish them in their totality. Instead, I gravitated to the best of memories." While some people might think this is a sugar-coating kind of approach, I think it is no more than what we'd want for ourselves if someone else was writing about us!

Kozol's father's story is particularly interesting because of his work of diagnosing neurological and psychiatric illnesses. The book begins with him telling his son about his awareness of his own mental decline, and then chronicles his demise. Kozol senior was a caring and skilled doctor, and it was interesting to read about his career and about his son's love and respect for his father.

*I feel compelled to note that the last years of his parents' lives were made much more comfortable through the care of skilled helpers, something that would not be possible for many people with less assets.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was the first book I won through a Goodreads giveaway! Although I thought there was a lot of emotion behind this book, which I admired so much, the end result was a little disjointed and disorganized. I loved all of the material concerning his father and his mother as they were struggling through their old age, as well as all of the anecdotes about their various caretakers. However, there were some parts about Dr. Kozol that Jonathan wrote that seemed an awful lot like "here's some stuff that my father did that I found in his files." These sections weren't compelling, perhaps because of the second hand way it was told. Although I'm sure Dr. Kozol's relationships with Eugene O'Neill, Patty Hearst, and the Boston strangler were interesting, the manner in which they were presented here was lacking in urgency and personality.

[Nancy Hollingsworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sweet stories and memories. If you still have your parents, ask questions. Learn their stories. Record their voices.

[SundayAtDusk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Books on parents with Alzheimer's disease, like books on children with autism, are abundant these days. I usually don't read disease stories any longer, but decided to get this book since I'm familiar with Jonathan Kozol's writings. Also, the promise in the book's description of his father, Dr. Harry Kozol, narrating "step-by-step, his slow descent into dementia" was intriguing. Dr. Kozol does do a bit of that in the beginning of his illness, but it's very limited. Much of the book is actually about the care an Alzheimer's patient needs, how the need for such extensive and expensive care affects the family, as well as the need to find competent, compassionate health care workers to provide good care. In true Jonathan Kozol form, he points out how those who are seen as not having anything further to contribute to society, often don't receive the same high quality care as those who have a future of possible contributions.

The rest of this book is a memoir where Mr. Kozol explores his relationship with his parents, and explores his father's life. This also is very limited, however, in the sense that it all seems like just the tip of the iceberg. There's an undercurrent of unspoken things in the story, and that made this book a bit of a frustrating, not totally satisfying read. But then family matters are private, and most of the time should be kept private. One wonders if those with Alzheimer's disease want their children to be telling the story of their descent into uselessness. Regardless, if they have no idea of what is going on or if they are dead, would they have wanted their children to describe in detail their illness to the public, including very personal matters? Moreover, Mr. Kozol's mother, who did not have Alzheimer's, told him a secret one day, after making him close the door to the room, so no one else would hear. That secret is in this book. Why? Whose business is it? If Jonathan Kozol wants to write a memoir about his life and family, he should write a memoir and put it all in context, not write a quasi-memoir like this one. There was obviously more he wanted to say but did not.

(Note: I received a free ARC of this book from Amazon Vine.)

[Wren · Rating 4 out of 5]

While taking classes in composition theory, I read Savage Inequalities by Kozol, so I knew him as an educational reformer. This book reveals his relationship with his nationally famous father, Dr. Harry Kozol--a neurologist and psychiatrist. I've read several dementia memoirs, and this one takes a very academic approach. It must, given the vocations of both author and his father. Nevertheless, it contains a lot of emotion, born from their intense relationship.

Dr. Kozol gave his son a lot of pressure to achieve in school and in his career. They didn't always agree on the choices that Kozol made in his 20s and 30s. In time, Dr. Kozol acknowledged his son's work as a teacher, writer and activist.

But that's not the focus of the memoir. The younger Kozol looks at how a trained mind watches himself go through the early and mid-stages of Alzheimer's Disease. As Dr. Kozol moves from midstage to late stage, his son must make more of the decisions. The tone of the memoir transforms from overtly an analysis of the disease to overtly a confession of the heart-wrenching decisions that family caregivers must make. It ends with reflection on Dr. Kozol's life in general, life work specifically and his son's complex emotions for his father. Love clearly wins out in the end, even if there were unresolved issues between them.

An added bonus: Dr. Kozol treated playwright Eugene O'Neill, and those two became friends--nearly family. The author goes through his father's papers and shares many details about O'Neill, his wife, his children and his grandchildren. This is a bit off topic, but it's an additional resource for O'Neill fans and scholars.

[Caffiend · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not a person who has read a lot of memoirs or biographies. I was very nervous to pick this book off my shelf, partially because I knew the subject matter was going to be a bit heavier, but also because I was worried I wouldn't enjoy the non-fiction style.
I'm glad that I finally did give it a shot because I was immediately swept up in the story and the characters (is it weird to call them that, because they're also real people?). Jonathan's father is an incredibly interesting, eccentric man who has been involved in a lot of important events throughout the course of his long life, and for me a lot of what I got out of this book was from getting to know his story.
I was very nervous that this was going to be a sentimental book, but I found that Kozol walked the line between being too overly sentimental or being too coldly factual. I didn't feel overwhelmed with sentimentality until the epilogue which was written 7 years later and focused more on the earlier relationship between Jonathan and his father. I think this section ran a little long, but I completely understand why it was important for Kozol to address the relationship he had with his father before his mind started to fade.
Finally, I would just like to add that the reason I entered the draw for this book is because Kozol's writing was described was "beautifully lyrical" and I can wholeheartedly say that he delivered and I found myself entranced for much of the novel.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very astute and discerning memoir about Kozol's relationship with his father, a prominent Boston neurologist and psychiatrist, who is aware that he is developing Alzheimer's disease. Because I worked for years in dementia units and a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people with dementia, I was especially intrigued by this topic.

I appreciated Kozol's fierce desire to maintain his father's independence, connection and individuality as the disease progressed. I celebrated with him the positive interpretation of any "feisty" behavior as being a manifestation of his father's personality and expression of his wishes. I admire Kozol's desire to give his father - and his increasingly frail mother - the best medical and supportive care possible.

I also admired his ability to tell the story of his father's medical practice through his own eyes as an admiring son. And, he even reveals some difficult truths about all of the family relationships that are always a part of the story of aging and families. There are parts of this book that feel very honest and intimate to me - the finest kind of memoir. And others, partly be being observations of his father's life - that feel a little more distant and perhaps a little distracting from this homage to Dr. Kozol. Yet, at the end, I am pleased to have met both the father and son through this book.

Note: This honest review is offered in return for an advanced copy of the book through LibraryThing.

[Melissa Lindsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

A loving tribute to his father, The Theft of Memory strives to recreate some of the memories of Kozol's father, a doctor who made important contributions to the field of neuroscience and psychiatry. Through Kozol's writing, readers will learn both about the life of his father, including his later years as he struggled with Alzheimer's. This book provides some touching memories and some great insight into the disease and the impact it has on those who love someone with it.

There are lengthy sections in here that refer to his father's relationship with Eugene O'Neill that I found extremely tiresome. Since I knew very little about O'Neill and didn't care enough to do the research, I will confess to doing a bit of "speed reading" through these sections. While I recognize that this relationship was of great importance to Kozol's father, I question whether it would matter much to the majority of readers, many of whom may be reading Kozol for the first time due to the subject matter. I personally would have liked less O'Neill and more about the caregivers who lovingly gave of their time to careful Kozol's father.

[Karen Liebman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was happy to receive this as a First Reads giveaway as I have long admired
Kozol for his work in education reform and for his writing. This book is a lovely and heartfelt tribute to his father, and indeed to both of his parents, and a partial recounting of their long and interesting lives, and of his relationship to them. The focus of the memoir is on the changing relationship he has to his father as the elder Kozol slowly loses his cognitive capacities. Despite the loss of his father as he has always known him, there is a deepening of intimacy and closeness that he comes to feel. Kozol does comment on the larger issues of ageism and the low value our culture places on the care and treatment of the elderly. But the impact of this memoir is felt in the way he writes about his parents...with utmost love, respect, and candor. Highly recommend.

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have read several of Kozol's other books and have always enjoyed his topics and style, but this one did not resonate with me. I gravitated towards this book because I am at that point in my life where I am watching my parents age, and I am interested in the experience of others. However, this book focused a lot on Jonathon's father's experiences as a clinician, and did not delve very deeply into the impact of his eventual mental decline. Ironically, even though Kozol is writing about his father, I felt that he kept a greater distance from his subject than in other books in which he wrote about his students. It's hard to describe, but overall the book just didn't grab my attention, and I found it to be a bit of a disappointment.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

What The Theft of Memory has over other books about Alzheimer's is its intensely descriptive - not prescriptive - approach, as well as its acceptance that dementia is frequently part of a long life - a source of anxiety and sadness, for sure, but not entirely void of meaning or even happiness. I found Kozol's description of learning anew about his parents, accepting them in their depleted conditions, and yet growing more attached to them, profoundly moving. The book taught a lot about love, I thought, as well. Love is often intensified by effort and interest in the positive qualities in the other, rather than mutuality or reciprocity (which I think are emphasized by current society).

[Janet Grieder · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have a family member with Alzheimers this book gives you someone to relate to through a son's perspective of the disease taking care of his sick father.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the record, I can be classified as a neuro-geek. New books by the authors Oliver Sacks and Lisa Genova get consumed pretty rapidly after publication, so getting a first-reads copy of The Theft of Memory made my day. Thank you Penguin Random House!

In the introduction, the author, Jonathan Kozol, warns the reader that this book will not be in strict chronology or any particular sequence. I found this to be very true, and often found myself unsure of which time line I was currently in. However, what was always clear, through this sometimes strange navigation, was the author’s love for his father, and his dedication to pass on his father’s medical journey both as a neurologist, and as a person living with Alzheimer’s disease.

In his eighties, his father senses changes in his own neurology, and entrusts his son with his observations of these shifts in his brain function. Thus began a sixteen year journey together. How many of us will miss out on the opportunity to hand down our own family stories? I sense that this book was a final gift to his father, as Kozol states “I’ve the obligation to pass on what he entrusted to me in its entirety.”

After sorting through boxes of his father’s writing, letters and detailed patient notes, Kozol shared the joy his dad had in practicing medicine, particularly complicated cases and some very high profile ones. A physician in the era of house calls, his dad was often pulled away from dinner, to return to the hospital he just left for the benefit of a patient. Navigating the medical system on his dad’s behalf, Kozol was never fortunate to find a doctor that had his dad’s devotion to his patients. Readers got a good look at our “heartbreaking and bureaucratized medical impersonality for which, one can only hope, even in the face of currently disturbing trends, a more effective and humane alternative is someday put in place.”

Ultimately, Kozol asks us all some really hard questions about the order of things. How can you put a price tag on a life, especially that of a loved one? Like Lisa Genova’s fictional novel, Still Alice, he presses us to recognize the light that is ever present in us even if our mental capacities have changed. He asks us to look for the gems in one another and to continue to see the emotional connections that make us who we are. Though not a simple or easy read, this is one for the read again shelf.

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 starts. Very interesting to me (except for some details of his father's career).

From pages 149 following: "...I had refused to sign a document known as a DNR...which is commonly agreed to by the healthcare proxy in the case of someone of my father's age and physical and cerebral condition. Instead, I had insisted that my father be on "full code" when he was in the hospital, a policy his doctor seemed to have accepted once I reinforced it to her personally but which she told me was regarded as "unusual" for someone in his situation...his doctor and, on occasion, others...tended to employ what always sounded like a scripted nostrum, redolent of what one might expect to find in books of pop psychology, about "the quality of life" versus the worth of life itself. There was also something in the way they spoke that led me to believe that they perceived themselves as ethicists--specialists...in the theology of life and death--a perception to which I felt they had no rightful claim. In some instances, moreover, I was given the uneasy feeling that the high-minded ethical positions they assumed on the point at which a person's life no longer ought to be preserved might be an unconscious or only semiconscious way to reconcile professional integrity with the economics of the healthcare system and with that larger set of economic values that increasingly determine medical priorities in the United States.

In any event, so long as my father still took even modest amounts of satisfaction in his daily life...I thought his doctor ought to be as diligent in coming up with good preventive and protective measures for my father, and without my being forced to beg for them, as pediatricians, for example, normally would do in treatment of a child who might suffer from a neurological impairment.

...I could never quite get over the debilitating sense that I was pulling constantly against a very heavy weight, not of outright opposition on the doctor's part, but of passivity, procrastination, and inertia. "If you suggest it, and insist upon it, then I will agree to do it."

Page 152: "...granddaughter of physicians, told me that she was at home and dealing with the same dilemma, in the case of her grandmother..."...unbelievable, I mean, that, in this family of so many doctors, we are unable to make decisions about my grandmother's care, because so many of us are unready to let go. It is so hard to tease out what we are holding onto for our own sakes, as opposed to hers.

That said, I am enjoying my time with her so much. She is the most brilliant woman I have ever met. She is totally demented now, and has been for some time, but her delusions are so consistent!"

[SeaShore · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jonathan Kozol’s father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease when he was 88 years old and he lived to age 102. The diaagnosis affected Jonathann Kozol and his family. It must. It would.

Harry Kozol was a well known neurologist and psychiatrist. He taught at a teaching hospital.

The relationship between father and son is discussed. As is to be expected the father role was put on the son. I feel that Jonathan Kozol lived a busy life and really didn't get to know his father. His father's documented reports and findings of his patients were sealed and unopened.

Saying goodbye is a journey in itself. It takes time and it's different for each of us. He wrote about it like Helen Macdonald did, in "H is for Hawk" and so many other writers in their own way.

Jan's Story: Love Lost to the Long Goodbye of Alzheimer's by Barry Petersen is another good book written in 2010--- what we once had and cherished, what we once had and lost.

and Lisa Genova's book "Still Alice" still sticks in my mind but more so, Alice Munro's book, The Bear Came over the Mountain- highly recommended.

While reading this book, I recalled reading of President Ronald Reagan's Alzheimer's diagnosis in 1994. He had had at least one cancer surgery prior. I read of Nancy Reagan's breast cancer diagnosis. She died this year (2016) at age 94. And then there are friends and relatives close to us that came to mind.
A decline in memory or other thinking skills will reduce a person's ability to perform everyday activities. Things that are taken for granted such as the ability to make decisions, plan or organize slowly disappear.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author's journey with his father as the latter fell into serious dementia, was in a nursing home and then moved back home with full-time care instead. A sensitive portrayal of his dad's life and work (he was a psychiatrist)...it's interesting to see the author explore his dad's past work and matching it with his present loss of memory. I wasn't really familiar with Kozol or his dad (he had testified in a couple of high-profile cases), but it still was a beautiful story to read, albeit sad. The author also discusses (tangentially, but it's still an important theme) the lack of quality care for the elderly, and the difficulty with finding quality geriatric practitioners. It made me think a lot about my step-grandfather, who mentally declined rapidly due to Alzheimer's, but it still alive and physically healthy in a nursing home. That incongruence of physical health vs. the decline of mental stamina can be very hard to watch, especially for someone who was driven by his mind in his career, as Kozol's father was. Still a beautiful tribute of sorts.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

With compassion and clarity, educator and author Jonathan Kozol reveals the relationship between himself and his aged father, a renowned psychiatric professor, as his father's memory fades and his body and personality weaken. At times a really touching portrait of the tender father-son moments during these final years, the book devoted much time as well to the father's accomplishments and the character and support of Kozol's mother, who remained lively into her 90's. The Theft of Memory is part tribute and part memoir of the following a loved one's last years. I was able to read an advance uncorrected proof of this title courtesy of the publiisher.

[Wendy Jensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I, like anyone with a parent with dementia, am looking for answers. A very interesting read and his undying devotion to his parents is totally amazing. That takes a lot of ones life and he spent a lot of years visiting his father in this condition, hoping for the odd word/recollection of the man he once was. The frustration with the medical system for elderly people I relate to - it is the same in Canada. However, at this moment in time, there is no medical fix which we are all looking for as we could be the next in this situation and I, for one, don't want to put my children through this having experienced it myself.

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think 4.5 stars would be good for this book. It was a fascinating and informative book, hard to put down and yet, at times, difficult to read quickly. I found myself returning to sections I had read previously and then putting the book down to digest the thoughts. But soon I was back to reading and thinking. Jonathan Kozol handles several very difficult yet necessary topics (dementia, Alzheimer's, death of a parent) very well and with quite a bit of knowledge and understanding. Thank you, Dr. Kozol, for sharing your very personal experiences with the public. It is much appreciated at least by this reader.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book--read the wonderful story with tears in my eyes. The author's love for his Mom & Dad was so heartwarming--just beautiful! Couldn't help comparing much of the Memory Theft with that of my Mom's. I will be forever grateful to have taken a similar journey & especially grateful to my sisters who allowed me to hold Mom's hand & be with her to the end. I will cherish those last days with my Mom alongside my sisters who made it special. Dr. Kozol was an amazing man - thank you to his son for sharing your very personal story! Kudos to Mrs. Kozol & all the wonderful caretakers! I loved this book!

[Tory Wagner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I approached this book having already read several of his education books. As a teacher in an urban setting, several of these books were very thought provoking and filled with research studies to back up the ideas. Having two parents, one living and one dead, who have experienced Alzheimer's, I was looking forward to discovering some new ideas as I did in his education books. Unfortunately, this was a very personal memoir that followed his parents in their last year's of life. I didn't gleam any new ideas about the care of aging parents and since his parents had economic means their story is probably not indicative of most.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible book about a son's care of his parents at the end of their lives interwoven with reflections of the kind of man his father had been and his relationship with his father. Also present were insightful commentaries on various social and ethical issues that were prevalent at the time.

It was not maudlin at all or over-philosophical. It reminds me of the "Years of Magical Thinking," only much better, compact, and less emotional. It's a dignified book about one's parents' lives, their memories, the care taking process of one's parents in their elderly years, and how one faces their departures.

[Michelle Brooksby]

This is a book written by Jonathan Kozol about his father's life and extraordinary career as a noted specialist in neurological and psychiatric disorders of the brain. Tat the onset of Alzheimer's disease, Dr. Harry Kozol had the astonishing ability to narrate, step-by-step, his own slow descent into dementia. But the heart of the book lies in the bond between father and son, and the ways that bond intensified even as Harry's verbal and cognitive skills progressively abandoned him.

I found this book to be very interesting. It gave me a glimpse of what my father is doing and how that must make him feel at times.

[Bruce · Rating 4 out of 5]

This beautifully written memoir presents two heartbreakingly precise pictures of the changes that can -- and often do -- occur as people get older: one of a brilliant physician gradually sliding into Alzheimer's, the other of his wife coping with the trials and limitations of extreme old age. At the same time, it reveals how their son, an authority on education and child development, as well as a noted author, was affected by these changes in his parents and how he tried to help them and still live his own productive life -- and how he coped with it all emotionally. I learned a great deal from this book, on many levels, and recommend it.