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The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love
In this New York Times bestseller, Hollywood power couple DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good candidly share their courtship and marriage, and the key to their success—waiting.
President/CEO of Franklin Entertainment and former Sony Pictures executive DeVon Franklin and award-winning actress Meagan Good have learned firsthand that some people must wait patiently for “the one” to come into their lives. They spent years crossing paths but it wasn’t until they were thrown together while working on the film Jumping the Broom that their storybook romance began.
Faced with starting a new relationship and wanting to avoid potentially devastating pitfalls, DeVon and Meagan chose to do something almost unheard of in today’s society—abstain from sex until they were married.
DeVon and Meagan share the life-changing message that waiting—rather than rushing a relationship—can help you find the person you’re meant to be with. The Wait is filled with candid his-and-hers accounts of the most important moments of their relationship and practical advice on how waiting for everything—from dating to sex—can transform relationships, allowing you to find a deep connection based on patience, trust, and faith.
President/CEO of Franklin Entertainment and former Sony Pictures executive DeVon Franklin and award-winning actress Meagan Good have learned firsthand that some people must wait patiently for “the one” to come into their lives. They spent years crossing paths but it wasn’t until they were thrown together while working on the film Jumping the Broom that their storybook romance began.
Faced with starting a new relationship and wanting to avoid potentially devastating pitfalls, DeVon and Meagan chose to do something almost unheard of in today’s society—abstain from sex until they were married.
DeVon and Meagan share the life-changing message that waiting—rather than rushing a relationship—can help you find the person you’re meant to be with. The Wait is filled with candid his-and-hers accounts of the most important moments of their relationship and practical advice on how waiting for everything—from dating to sex—can transform relationships, allowing you to find a deep connection based on patience, trust, and faith.
272 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2015
964 people are currently reading
4632 people want to read
About the author
DeVon Franklin
15 books203 followersDeVon Franklin is a bestselling author, spiritual success coach, former Sony Pictures executive, and the CEO of Franklin Entertainment, a production company in conjunction with 20th Century Fox. Variety named him one of the “10 Producers to Watch” and Beliefnet called him one of the “Most Influential Christians Under 40.” Franklin is the author of the New York Times bestseller The Wait (co-written with his wife, award-winning actress Meagan Good) and Produced by Faith. He lives with Meagan in Los Angeles, California.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 327 reviews
February 12, 2016
When I completed this book I was ready to write my review. I ran through it in my head and it was too much to remember and I always have these great things to say but trick myself into thinking I will recall and be able to bring it up later. No such luck.
I was excited about this book when it came across my Facebook feed for 2 reasons. 1. I decided to become celibate after my last relationship. 2. This year is all about me and my self-development. Back to number 1-I was celibate a few years ago for a year and began dating someone. On our 2nd date, things happened. We lasted 6 months and he moved away with no concern or consideration for me or what we were doing. So I became celibate again for another year and met someone. I thought with this person being 8 years older than I, that he'd be in a different space than the previous fella. Nope, not even. 2nd date, things happened. AT this point, I realized it was me. We lasted 8 months and really 6 of those was just passing time waiting for him to call it quits. Realizing that I've been making the same relationship mistakes and choosing the same "type" of person brought me to number 2-time to work on my self-development and my unresolved issues and past traumas.
When I was 15, my mother let her boyfriend have sex with me. Any protest on my part was met with belts, curses and fists. This lasted until I was 18. It put me in the position of "my body is not my body" and saying "no" to a man brings me back to this place of why fight it, it will happen regardless. So I've entered into a lot of relationships like this as evidenced by my last two relationships. Over 20 years later and I still have not figured out how to reclaim my power. So, I said, I have to take myself out of this game. I've been reading a lot about transference of energy and carrying individuals energy/spirit around with you when you allow them to enter you and all of that really resonates with me. So I said, I have to be celibate and really figure out me and what is best for me to heal. I have my good days and I have my bad days.
So reading this book was right on time for me. I marked so many great passages in the book but unfortunately I loaned it out (which I never do, but she caught me at a moment when I was in my feels.) and cannot quote as I would like. Maybe I can come back and do an edit when I get my book back.
When you engage in a relationship with someone and you let that person know sex is off the table up front, it will let you see where that person is at mentally. They will either say, that is not how they are living and walk away or they will say they too are on that journey and continue to see you. BUT there are always those that say, they understand, but then try their best to get you to cave. They enjoy the challenge and those are the ones you need to walk away from. I want a relationship built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, intellectual compatibility, emotional intimacy, with similar interests, morals and goals.
This book is great and offers a lot of tips to those who are curious about practicing the wait. It is also encouraging to those who are on the journey and just need a little motivation to know they are not alone. For me the wait isn't about a husband but for me to find my purpose, love me and heal. I think once I become a whole and healthy person then I can attract to me someone who on the same page as I.
I was excited about this book when it came across my Facebook feed for 2 reasons. 1. I decided to become celibate after my last relationship. 2. This year is all about me and my self-development. Back to number 1-I was celibate a few years ago for a year and began dating someone. On our 2nd date, things happened. We lasted 6 months and he moved away with no concern or consideration for me or what we were doing. So I became celibate again for another year and met someone. I thought with this person being 8 years older than I, that he'd be in a different space than the previous fella. Nope, not even. 2nd date, things happened. AT this point, I realized it was me. We lasted 8 months and really 6 of those was just passing time waiting for him to call it quits. Realizing that I've been making the same relationship mistakes and choosing the same "type" of person brought me to number 2-time to work on my self-development and my unresolved issues and past traumas.
When I was 15, my mother let her boyfriend have sex with me. Any protest on my part was met with belts, curses and fists. This lasted until I was 18. It put me in the position of "my body is not my body" and saying "no" to a man brings me back to this place of why fight it, it will happen regardless. So I've entered into a lot of relationships like this as evidenced by my last two relationships. Over 20 years later and I still have not figured out how to reclaim my power. So, I said, I have to take myself out of this game. I've been reading a lot about transference of energy and carrying individuals energy/spirit around with you when you allow them to enter you and all of that really resonates with me. So I said, I have to be celibate and really figure out me and what is best for me to heal. I have my good days and I have my bad days.
So reading this book was right on time for me. I marked so many great passages in the book but unfortunately I loaned it out (which I never do, but she caught me at a moment when I was in my feels.) and cannot quote as I would like. Maybe I can come back and do an edit when I get my book back.
When you engage in a relationship with someone and you let that person know sex is off the table up front, it will let you see where that person is at mentally. They will either say, that is not how they are living and walk away or they will say they too are on that journey and continue to see you. BUT there are always those that say, they understand, but then try their best to get you to cave. They enjoy the challenge and those are the ones you need to walk away from. I want a relationship built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, intellectual compatibility, emotional intimacy, with similar interests, morals and goals.
This book is great and offers a lot of tips to those who are curious about practicing the wait. It is also encouraging to those who are on the journey and just need a little motivation to know they are not alone. For me the wait isn't about a husband but for me to find my purpose, love me and heal. I think once I become a whole and healthy person then I can attract to me someone who on the same page as I.
February 19, 2016
So I just finished reading The Wait by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good and I have to say it was a pretty good read. It's way more then just a book about not having sex before marriage. The book focuses on building your relationship with GOD , working on yourself , having FAITH and learning to be PATIENT( which 'm not lol) in order to receive the blessings that God has in store for you and to build a health strong relationship with your future Husband/ Wife .Which are things we could all benefit from, go out and purchase the book, Men if you dont wanna read the whole book I would suggest reading Chapter 6.
February 5, 2016
ENCOURAGED! This book was so good. Each chapter spoke to me in a way that kept me wanting more. DeVon and Meagan's story is beyond inspiring. The fact that they modeled the very principles on which this book stands is amazing. I also love that it isn't merely a preachy "wait to have sex until marriage" book that makes an individual who isn't already on that journey feel bad about themselves -- they have both been there before, coming to celibacy after having had sexual relationships in the past, which makes it easier for readers in the same situation to relate to them. Don't get me wrong, the book is definitely centered around celibacy, but it is so much more than just that. It frames the decision to be celibate as a total life changer -- how that one decision to surrender such an instinctual and primal part of us sets us up to receive God's best, not only in a mate, but in all areas of our lives. I definitely recommend this book, whether you are considering celibacy or have already been celibate for many years. I pray that it touches you as well!!
March 17, 2016
I thought the book was pretty good. The advice they gave was rather vague. I wish they would have went into more detail about their struggles to remain celibate or more things like that. Devon was celibate for like 10 years. I wish he would have went into how he remained strong and some of the temptations he encountered dating women or when he met his wife. The advice was kinda vague and got kind of repetitive. I would have loved for the book to be more personal. See my full review here:
http://sophie-sticatedmom.com/2016/02...
http://sophie-sticatedmom.com/2016/02...
June 12, 2016
Transformational
I cannot express in words, how this book has changed my perspective, and approach relationships . But even more so, it is changed how I see and think about myself.
I am now practicing The Wait for the next three years (God lead). And while I don't know when God will reveal my mate to me, it doesn't really matter, because The Wait is just as much about seeking me, as it is about seeking a mate. The Wait has caused me to get to know a "me" that I never knew. In turn, I am becoming the "he" that "she" will one day need.
Thank you DeVon and Meagan, for this gift.
I cannot express in words, how this book has changed my perspective, and approach relationships . But even more so, it is changed how I see and think about myself.
I am now practicing The Wait for the next three years (God lead). And while I don't know when God will reveal my mate to me, it doesn't really matter, because The Wait is just as much about seeking me, as it is about seeking a mate. The Wait has caused me to get to know a "me" that I never knew. In turn, I am becoming the "he" that "she" will one day need.
Thank you DeVon and Meagan, for this gift.
April 17, 2016
I love this couple and believe they are a strong force to be reckoned with in the film industry. There are great strategies and view points made, although I do not agree with all of them. I encourage anyone who reads this book to also read their bible and back up the information they learn.
February 18, 2023
Powerful
This book is practical and to the point. I literally feel like I can relate to Meagan and DeVon. By sharing their own life experiences of the wait so honestly is the power of this book. They are not portraying themselves as the golden standard but sharing how, although not perfect, they were able to practice the wait and find each other and have a fulfilling relationship. They are not claiming to have a formula for marriage but are showing how the wait strengthens you as an individual to find yourself and be who you are meant to be. This leading to success in your life holistically. I am so grateful I came across this book. Literally God answered questions that I am currently having in my own walk.
This book is practical and to the point. I literally feel like I can relate to Meagan and DeVon. By sharing their own life experiences of the wait so honestly is the power of this book. They are not portraying themselves as the golden standard but sharing how, although not perfect, they were able to practice the wait and find each other and have a fulfilling relationship. They are not claiming to have a formula for marriage but are showing how the wait strengthens you as an individual to find yourself and be who you are meant to be. This leading to success in your life holistically. I am so grateful I came across this book. Literally God answered questions that I am currently having in my own walk.
February 8, 2016
Uplifting, Inspirational & Motivating! A Powerful Read! I Loved It!
April 2, 2016
The Wait is written from 2 perspectives: one being for those who have already chosen to be celibate and for those who have not seriously considered it.
The couple does not shy away from attributing their decision for celibacy to their faith in God. Before you roll your eyes, I believe there are still great takeaways for those of alternative beliefs. This is NOT a "you're going to hell if you're sleeping with your man!" read.
It's about how withholding sex in a relationship helps you to get to know someone without the distraction of sex blurring your view. It's about seeing your worth in God's eyes so you don't need to gain it from another person. It's about getting to know YOURSELF: your likes, dislikes, needs, wants and what you bring to the table. It's about getting to know one another's financial habits, problem solving skills, and more.
See more of my thoughts HERE :)
The couple does not shy away from attributing their decision for celibacy to their faith in God. Before you roll your eyes, I believe there are still great takeaways for those of alternative beliefs. This is NOT a "you're going to hell if you're sleeping with your man!" read.
It's about how withholding sex in a relationship helps you to get to know someone without the distraction of sex blurring your view. It's about seeing your worth in God's eyes so you don't need to gain it from another person. It's about getting to know YOURSELF: your likes, dislikes, needs, wants and what you bring to the table. It's about getting to know one another's financial habits, problem solving skills, and more.
See more of my thoughts HERE :)
May 25, 2016
I did like the portions where they share their experiences in reference to dating and knowing they were meant to be together per se. There was much material I am well-familiar with already or read somewhere else.
"Your goal is to fall in love not with the body, face, clothes, or title but the person--the spirit--underneath. That's who you'll still love madly in fifty years." (page 209). This sounds great, but in reality, we are attracted to the person in some physical sense before we know the spiritual being of a person. Devon and Megan are a hot, cute couple, and I know there had to be a physical attraction; but yes, in the long run, you want more than infatuation or sexual attraction...you need something stronger that will last longer.
I get the premise and purpose of this book: celibacy during the wait for your mate. I have been living that lifestyle since I read "Kiss Dating Goodbye" in the late 90s. However, there are some parts I really needed more, and started off speaking towards the end of the book about people who are practicing celibacy and what to do during the wait, but I felt it was vaguely put and left me in the dust. Not much on how to deal with your hormones, sexual attractions, and when there is an attraction....another part was about "passing" your mate in the sense that you may be waiting and because of the "list" you may have missed him. But don't worry, and then was like this passage is done with no real solution. Do we wait for another mate if we missed him or her? Is there a such thing as soul mate?
I also wondered how to know or accept that maybe you are meant to be alone, never marry. But most women are seeking their Boaz, as for most men, want to still graze the field. In this reading, I was still left with questions unanswered.
It was a fairly alright read. Just still waiting...
Leisure read 2016
"Your goal is to fall in love not with the body, face, clothes, or title but the person--the spirit--underneath. That's who you'll still love madly in fifty years." (page 209). This sounds great, but in reality, we are attracted to the person in some physical sense before we know the spiritual being of a person. Devon and Megan are a hot, cute couple, and I know there had to be a physical attraction; but yes, in the long run, you want more than infatuation or sexual attraction...you need something stronger that will last longer.
I get the premise and purpose of this book: celibacy during the wait for your mate. I have been living that lifestyle since I read "Kiss Dating Goodbye" in the late 90s. However, there are some parts I really needed more, and started off speaking towards the end of the book about people who are practicing celibacy and what to do during the wait, but I felt it was vaguely put and left me in the dust. Not much on how to deal with your hormones, sexual attractions, and when there is an attraction....another part was about "passing" your mate in the sense that you may be waiting and because of the "list" you may have missed him. But don't worry, and then was like this passage is done with no real solution. Do we wait for another mate if we missed him or her? Is there a such thing as soul mate?
I also wondered how to know or accept that maybe you are meant to be alone, never marry. But most women are seeking their Boaz, as for most men, want to still graze the field. In this reading, I was still left with questions unanswered.
It was a fairly alright read. Just still waiting...
Leisure read 2016
Read
April 25, 2016DNF.
I knew fairly early on this wasn't going to be the book for me.
"Finally, as we said good night for what must have been the tenth time, we had our first kiss. As our lips touched, we could feel the Spirit of God surround and embrace us."
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book, but thought it would be a bit different. The religious undertones are quite extensive. I guess I was thinking it would be a more modern take on choosing to wait before marriage and that wasn't the case.
Won a copy through Goodreads!
I knew fairly early on this wasn't going to be the book for me.
"Finally, as we said good night for what must have been the tenth time, we had our first kiss. As our lips touched, we could feel the Spirit of God surround and embrace us."
I wasn't sure what to expect from this book, but thought it would be a bit different. The religious undertones are quite extensive. I guess I was thinking it would be a more modern take on choosing to wait before marriage and that wasn't the case.
Won a copy through Goodreads!
February 1, 2016
The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love is a fabulous read. The authors are DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good. What a beautiful couple! Their faith is so inspiring. They tell why it is important to wait to have sex until marriage.
I think the book would be great for everyone who is not married, including teenagers who are contemplating sex.
I highly recommend this book!
100+ stars. I received this book from Howard books and exchange for my honest opinion, which was given
I think the book would be great for everyone who is not married, including teenagers who are contemplating sex.
I highly recommend this book!
100+ stars. I received this book from Howard books and exchange for my honest opinion, which was given
February 5, 2020
I purchased this book a long time ago, both the physical book and the audiobook. I was excited to read it. But the fact that I hadn’t until now, shows me that I just wasn’t ready.
Wasn’t ready to really receive the messages being conveyed. It’s clear to me that you could be in almost any stage of a relationship or super single and get something practical to apply to your life or relationship. It’s a “re-readable” book. Several gems were dropped.
The audiobook narrator is the same as the voice of “DeVon” so it could be a little confusing and misrepresentative of the perspective. If I had only listened to the audiobook it would seem as though DeVon wrote the book and Allowed Megan to insert a few excerpts. I’d rather it had been 3 different voice actors.
Wasn’t ready to really receive the messages being conveyed. It’s clear to me that you could be in almost any stage of a relationship or super single and get something practical to apply to your life or relationship. It’s a “re-readable” book. Several gems were dropped.
The audiobook narrator is the same as the voice of “DeVon” so it could be a little confusing and misrepresentative of the perspective. If I had only listened to the audiobook it would seem as though DeVon wrote the book and Allowed Megan to insert a few excerpts. I’d rather it had been 3 different voice actors.
February 26, 2018
This was a very insightful read with a lot of hard truths most people aren't ready or willing to face. Meagan and DeVon raised very good points - I loved how they made it clear that The Wait isn't ONLY about abstaining from sex, it also revolves around self-improvement and getting to know yourself better and learning to love yourself and improving your relationship with God before you commit to someone else. Their advice and strategies were solid though I didn't agree with everything they said, nonetheless I'd still recommend this book as its uplifting and very inspirational.
September 25, 2016
Not so bad but I felt like they should've shared their story only and we'd draw lessons from that. I felt like the lists of Dos & don't was too much. But I agree with their message and advocate for waiting- no need to rush into sex and end up trying unnecessary "samples". Wait to get the real deal.
February 2, 2016
I can't say enough how much I enjoyed it. Have your highlighter and sticky notes ready because there are tons of knowledge in this book that can help us all in various areas of our lives.
September 4, 2016
Wow! Where do I start with this review! This book was full of so much knowledge for me. The Wait is about a couple Meagan Good and her husband DeVon Franklin who decided to be celibate before marriage. They had seen each other a lot working in the same industry, but did not know (until God told them) they would be married. I love how they both had their individual walk with God before getting together. The choice to be celibate seemed like it would have been easy, but they both stated it was hard. The attraction that they had for each other made it difficult at times, but they knew they had to wait. Going to counseling and listening to God's word brought them closer. I really liked how they dated for each other and not for their families. I loved this book so much.
Personally, I feel that this book has awakened my spirit and my life. Being 31 and still single with no children it makes me believe that love will come if I do differently in my life. Being in toxic or relationships that were just a season is not something I want. I do want to be married one day and have children. Granted, the book promotes celibacy before marriage a lot and I love that it is enforced. Deciding to " wait" can be hard for other's mainly the opposite sex to handle, but I think it separates the boys from the men. This book made me think so much about what I want for my life and where I am headed. If one feels like they need to do something or be a better version of themselves, I suggest they read this book first. It is so spiritual, and somewhat funny. I love how they put their relationship in the public and were not scared to speak their truth.
Personally, I feel that this book has awakened my spirit and my life. Being 31 and still single with no children it makes me believe that love will come if I do differently in my life. Being in toxic or relationships that were just a season is not something I want. I do want to be married one day and have children. Granted, the book promotes celibacy before marriage a lot and I love that it is enforced. Deciding to " wait" can be hard for other's mainly the opposite sex to handle, but I think it separates the boys from the men. This book made me think so much about what I want for my life and where I am headed. If one feels like they need to do something or be a better version of themselves, I suggest they read this book first. It is so spiritual, and somewhat funny. I love how they put their relationship in the public and were not scared to speak their truth.
November 27, 2020
As a non-religious person to another non-religious person: think twice before you read this book!
I am not saying that this book was bad, it's just that when I read the description of the book, I didn't realized that God will be mentioned at least 10 times per paragraph. So basically, authors throughout the book says that God will provide me with the right person, if I just keep on waiting.
However, despite that authors talk about the Lord all the time and they are repetitive with the same advice, I am still giving this book 2 stars because I liked the idea behind it.
I totally agree that sex blur the vision of goals and values. Because we want quick pleasure and we believe that it would fix all our problems. If the sex is put on hold, one can definitely work on themselves, do workouts, do meditation (if praying is not your thing), improve relationships with people, etc.
One message of all what I liked is that, if I go celibate, it could help me to find the right person because he likes/loves me of my inner world and not only on my physical appearance. The right person will wait for me.
I am considering to do the wait, but I am doing it for myself and not for a God or someone else, because I know I will find the right person one day. Mark me!
I am not saying that this book was bad, it's just that when I read the description of the book, I didn't realized that God will be mentioned at least 10 times per paragraph. So basically, authors throughout the book says that God will provide me with the right person, if I just keep on waiting.
However, despite that authors talk about the Lord all the time and they are repetitive with the same advice, I am still giving this book 2 stars because I liked the idea behind it.
I totally agree that sex blur the vision of goals and values. Because we want quick pleasure and we believe that it would fix all our problems. If the sex is put on hold, one can definitely work on themselves, do workouts, do meditation (if praying is not your thing), improve relationships with people, etc.
One message of all what I liked is that, if I go celibate, it could help me to find the right person because he likes/loves me of my inner world and not only on my physical appearance. The right person will wait for me.
I am considering to do the wait, but I am doing it for myself and not for a God or someone else, because I know I will find the right person one day. Mark me!
July 9, 2024
I was very shocked to only find this book average. Despite a few tips on how to maintain celibacy,this did not really blow me away or offered any significant solutions how to overcome temptation. Granted it was not preachy,it just felt forced,almost if the author wanted to define the meaning in a short amount of time. Just how many times,do you have to keep repeating the purpose of why you wrote the book? It was clear from the title,so to continue to eleborate was unecessary.
Maybe that is trivial to some,but that was really annoying to me. Also it had some contradictions. For instance,it will state not to use willpower to overcome temptation,then offer the same 'willpower' to not give in. Huh? It was turning into a confusing inconsistent tangent.
Will I reccomend it? Obviously no. It did not really capture what purity was all about,but kept dancing around the real issue.
Three stars is me being generous,not worth the hype!
Maybe that is trivial to some,but that was really annoying to me. Also it had some contradictions. For instance,it will state not to use willpower to overcome temptation,then offer the same 'willpower' to not give in. Huh? It was turning into a confusing inconsistent tangent.
Will I reccomend it? Obviously no. It did not really capture what purity was all about,but kept dancing around the real issue.
Three stars is me being generous,not worth the hype!
June 12, 2016
I had already been practicing the Wait and at first was reluctant to read this book. However, "The Wait" has reaffirmed my decision to be abstinent. I'm a stickler for terms used and would never say I was celibate, but the text offers more insight into why they chose to refer to their wait as celibacy over abstinence. The reasoning makes sense. This book has also been uplifting and has offered more insight on the purposes of waiting, it's so much more than abstaining from sex. My commitment and dedication to remaining celibate has been renewed. I am more encouraged to continue using the time between being single and married to become the me God envisioned from the very beginning.
March 21, 2016
I appreciated the candid insights that Meagan Goode and Devon Franklin shared about their relationship. It was refreshing to read about another couple who decided to commit to waiting in order to build a solid relationship. The book offered practical and encouraging advice that made sense. Every young adult should read this book and save themselves a lifetime of heartache and heartbreak. My husband and I practiced The Wait before it was a thing. Twenty-four years later, we are the best of friends and still madly in love with each other. Devon and Meagan, thank you for sharing your story.
Read
December 11, 2019I'm glad to have read this.
There were some contradictions (if they're the one God intends for you, they'll be there when you're ready AND if you don't commit, a person will only wait around for so long, so get on with it), it was organized a little crazily and was repetitive at times, but the pros outweigh those.
I respect DeVon and Megan's will power, honesty, and humility.
It's hard not to sit up and listen to a couple willing to be so blunt and honest.
There were some contradictions (if they're the one God intends for you, they'll be there when you're ready AND if you don't commit, a person will only wait around for so long, so get on with it), it was organized a little crazily and was repetitive at times, but the pros outweigh those.
I respect DeVon and Megan's will power, honesty, and humility.
It's hard not to sit up and listen to a couple willing to be so blunt and honest.
May 24, 2016
I really enjoyed it because of the message it's delivering. It's encouraging to hear another couple's journey in waiting and know that it is possible, despite challenges and struggles with staying the course until marriage. This was more from the male point of view, I would've liked to hear more from the female perspective so it had an equal take. Still really good information nonetheless.
June 21, 2016
This book was a gift that was right on time (Valentine's Day) and I put off reading it for quite some time but I'm glad I finally opened it. I've enjoyed spending time with this book; it's a good read: reassuring, encouraging and honest. I can certainly see myself revisiting this book.
February 12, 2019
This is a good book to help you reflect on what you really want in regards to having a healthy relationship. This book encouraged me to look at myself and try something new, hoping for a different outcome.
May 13, 2020
I was definitely skeptical and expected a cheesy approach to the age old topic of "waiting". It was surprisingly insightful and had a very down to earth practical perspective. If you are in the stagnant single stage, you should read it.
February 23, 2016
I just posted my review on my blog. Here is a link: : http://www.jamiechasesbutterflies.com...
May 15, 2016
Amazing book that will definitely help me with my walk with God! Through this book God allowed them to minister to me. A new favorite book of mine.
August 1, 2022
Great book again not sure why I read it as its not my usual kind of book but Lord have your way. It is about more than sex, which why I loved it.
February 6, 2017
To be completely clear, because they try to dismiss in the preface, this book is predominantly intended for a black, Christian reader.
There is a lot of filler and redundancy. This book could have easily been half as long.
In Chapter 2, for example, all of the good points, like why you do "The Wait" (yes it takes over 50 pages to list reasons) come at the end of the chapter in a quick list. Sadly, they were actually really great points. It would have been a more engaging read if the those points were spread throughout the chapter instead of thrown at the end.
My Highlights:
The Wait is a conscious choice to pursue delayed gratification in the areas of life specifically related to relationships. (p.1) When we chase the high of instant gratification, we make choices that for many reasons are irresponsible and based on poor reasoning, or no reasoning at all. (p.2) One of the keys to practicing The Wait is giving up sex (p.3). When you have sex with someone (outside of marriage) you're giving them a part of your spirit. Strong relationships aren't built solely on physical or sexual attraction. They're built on good judgement (p.4). The payoff of The Wait is peace that comes with knowing you're firmly in the center of God's purpose (p.1o).
Let love and purpose manifest in your life as a result of working on becoming the best version of yourself (p.11).
3% of Americans (5 million couples) currently remain celibate until their honeymoons.
Celibacy is about the mind as much as it is about the body (p.15).
Shame and fear of being judged are the wrong reasons to practice The Wait. If you let yourself be shamed into it, you won't stick with it (p.17).
Abstinence- refraining from sex; it's the absence of something with no greater meaning behind it
Celibacy- refraining from sex because of a vow or faith; abstinence with purpose (p.24-25)
"Reason number one to practice The Wait: it's a time to heal when the only one who matters is you.
African Americans are the racial/ethnic group most affected by HIV and the rate of new HIV infection in Africans Americans is 8 times that of whites based on population size. (p.35)
"Dating is like putting on your church clothes, and if you don't ever let someone know your less-than-perfect side before you get married, you could spend your entire life wearing those clothes, afraid to be yourself." (p.48)
"Home is about the person more than the place" (p.49)
One of the most important reasons people choose to delay gratification is also the simplest: it helps us get what we want (p.51)
[in society]] "We have unprotected sex with people we barely know, abuse alcohol and drugs and cal it fun, stay in dysfunctional relationships and call it love, and spend more money than we have and call it prosperity. (p.54)
See Romans 8:5-8
Complaining is a liability to avoided at all costs. From the perspective of The Wait, the time when nothing appears to be happening becomes your personal self-development laboratory (p.58). Set aside the victim mentality, which makes you believe you are the victim of your past relationships gone wrong. It does nothing but rob you of control and of the privilege of taking responsibility for your part. (p.59)
Achieving joy and fulfillment means surrounding yourself with like-minded people. You are who you hang out with, especially when you're defying cultural norms (p.61).
Waiting helps you think clearly. "One of the big reason our relationship is so strong today is that when we were dating, we couldn't fall back on sex when talking got tough."(p.63). Waiting gives you better knowledge of your partner; when you're not blinded by lust or counterfeit intimacy that can come with premarital sex, you can see the person you're dating for who they are. You'll be less likely to rationalize their character flaws. Waiting also leads to better self-esteem. Without sex in the picture, you know that your partner is with you for you. (p.65)
Being able to bypass relationships with people who don't want the same things you want out of life is a blessing (p.71).
When you're beginning The Wait, it's a good idea to seek some counseling, either from a relationship or spiritual counselor (p.72).
When you're dating exclusively, find other ways to feel stimulated when you're together. Do things that get you excited about each other's mind, creativity, or depth. (p.81)
"Celibacy is all about keeping a cool, clear head while you're getting to know someone someone, and to that end, we suggest that if you drink, go easy on the alcohol during those early dates" (p.85).
Temptation is going to be hanging out pretty much 24-7. You've got to have strategies for dealing with it. (p.89)
Masturbation is a grey area and is not explicitly mentioned in the bible so "seek God's will for you yourself." (p.96)
When you get weak, it's your partner's job to say 'No, remember what we're committed to.' (p.99)
Avoid people who talk about sex all the time.
Men care a lot about approval, validation, and self-worth is based on what other guys think (p.141)
There is no List, no catalog of external achievements that will make a man more of a man (p.143)
One in five women is sexually assaulted while attending college (p.145)
"Until I found my wife, I didn't appreciate how much the right woman would help God's plan for my life develop...How can you find your wife? The surest way is to become the kind of man she'll be attracted to--self aware, mature, and in tune with God's vision for your life. (p.153)
Your wife won't always be the type of woman you think you want (p.154)
Attention is the currency of success (p.158)
The Wait gives men permission not to stoop to the expectations of others. It absolves men of the need to reinforce the male stereotype. (p.161)
"You can date while you're practicing The Wait. (p.164)
The problems start wen we let the effects of infatuation, not our reason and character, dictate actions (p.170)
Love is deep, mature, and subtle. When we confuse it with infatuation and sexual chemistry, we waste years chasing shadows, trying to satisfy our need for certainty or validation, and blinding ourselves to how God is trying to bless us (p.171).
We fall in love with an idea of who we want someone to be, but we don't allow time and space for them to show us who they are (p.174). If someone you're dating or considering dating gets angry about honest questions, they may have something to hide (p.176).
"To this day we have not discussed with each other every single person we've dated. It isn't relevant. That kind of information can plant seeds of judgement, anger, frustration, and jealousy ...asking questions when dating is critical, buts so is knowing which questions to ask and which ones not to ask"(p.178). Unconditional love means accepting someone for who they are now, not who you hope they will be one day (p.183).
"Don't be afraid to use dating services. There's nothing wrong with trying everything from eHarmony and Match.com to It's Just Lunch."
Don't change yourself to get someone else's approval. (p.185)
Journal your thoughts daily. Seeing your thoughts about your dating life in writing gives you clarity. Write down your opinions, questions, and concerns every day before you turn in. Reread them in the morning. (p.186)
Use every date as a learning opportunity. You're refining your perceptions and learning to ask better questions. You're learning more about what you like and what you don't like in this person. (p.187) Don't project what you want onto the other person. If you're desperate to be in a committed relationship, you're more likely to ignore flaws and rationalize away unacceptable qualities. Then six months into the relationship you say, 'You're not who I thought you were." Whose fault is that? (p.188)
"As part of our mutual commitment to cultivate our spiritual selves instead of our sexual selves, we had decided to go on a Daniel-type fast for 40 days, fasting from things like meat, bread, and sweets (Daniel 1:8-16) (p.193).
You can't marry someone with the idea of changing them(p.196). The time to learn everything you can about how compatible you two are in every area of your lives comes before you're engaged (p.198).
"One of the most common regrets among couples who got married too soon is that they didn't get to live their lives as singles while they had the chance like travel, work for themselves, serve (p.199), pursue passions and relocate (p.200).
Commitment can have a lot of meanings, but for The Wait it has only one: marriage (p.200). There's a clear line between The Wait and waiting around. If you're just waiting around, you're doing it out of indecision, fear, or laziness. If you and your partner are communicating, sharing, being honest, exploring new things together, and keeping your objectivity, you shouldn't need more than a year to figure out whether God intended you for each other. If you're stuck in one of those stages for much longer, start asking why (p.202). Don't assume (p.205). Ask. And if you on't get clear answers, ask again. Assumptions can set you up for massive disappointment (p.205).
You should never commit because it's what someone else wants. "Whenever you make a decision motivated by pleasing someone else because you don't want to disappoint or upset them, you will
always make the wrong decision (p.207).
Learn more about your partner through spiritual counseling (Talking with a minister), regular Q&A-schedule one night every week or two to sit down and talk about a specific topic that's relevant to your future like goals, children, lifestyle, parents, mutual interests, etc; travel together. (p.210-211)
Don't live together and avoid acting like you're married before you actually are. "Doing that establishes expectations that can be impossible to live up to." (p.211-212) "You're not yourself when you're living with implications and expectations that just aren't supported by reality" (p.213)
A great sex life has a lot to do with the chemistry you have with the person you're getting serious with. Is there passion between you? Don't be afraid to kiss each other. because if there isn't passion chemistry, this is a red flag that you'll need to address if you want to have a strong and healthy marriage (p.217).
When you're sure get engaged, but be engaged only as long as it takes to plan your wedding (p.218). Some people use the engagement as another phase of testing compatibility, but that's another way of saying "I'm not sure". If you're not sure, don't get engaged.(p.218)
Don't use "Sex to wallpaper over conflicts and differences that call for honest communication. The simple solution for that: never have important discussions in bed. It's too easy to become pleasantly distracted." (p.221)
It's important to come into a marriage already knowing who you are and not counting on your marriage to change or complete you (p.223).
How you wait is as important as why. Here are some possible reasons why your wait could be setting you back rather than helping you: 1) You're waiting for a certain person. Don't be so fixated on a certain person that you pray for them instead of praying for God's will (p.228) . 2) You're waiting for God to do all the work. Imagine if that person came into your life when nothing had changed. Would your old habits sabotage the relationship before it even got started? 3)You don't really know you're waiting. If you're on an indefinite hold from relationships in the hopes that something good will happen, you're probably going to wind up even more frustrated.(p.229).
The clearer you are about how you want to better yourself while you're waiting, the more successful you will be. "Some of the important areas we suggest you focus on if you're planning your own time of waiting: Health and fitness, personal finance (paying off debts, buying a house, investing for retirement), career, education, travel, entrepreneurship, spirituality, creativity (painting, acting, composing music, writing a novel, doing stand up comedy), helping others, doing charitable work, etc. (p.230).
What is that meeting with your future spouse is right around the corner, but you sabotage it after years of discipline by giving up and going back to your old ways? (p.233)
The Wait involves letting go of the old fears, insecurities, and addictive behaviors that messed you up in the past, and cleaning up your emotional self (p.238)
For someone practicing The Wait, forgiveness is power. By forgiving others for their treatment of you, you free yourself from anger, regret, or guilt. You take back your power by taking the high ground--God's ground. (p.241)
There is a lot of filler and redundancy. This book could have easily been half as long.
In Chapter 2, for example, all of the good points, like why you do "The Wait" (yes it takes over 50 pages to list reasons) come at the end of the chapter in a quick list. Sadly, they were actually really great points. It would have been a more engaging read if the those points were spread throughout the chapter instead of thrown at the end.
My Highlights:
The Wait is a conscious choice to pursue delayed gratification in the areas of life specifically related to relationships. (p.1) When we chase the high of instant gratification, we make choices that for many reasons are irresponsible and based on poor reasoning, or no reasoning at all. (p.2) One of the keys to practicing The Wait is giving up sex (p.3). When you have sex with someone (outside of marriage) you're giving them a part of your spirit. Strong relationships aren't built solely on physical or sexual attraction. They're built on good judgement (p.4). The payoff of The Wait is peace that comes with knowing you're firmly in the center of God's purpose (p.1o).
Let love and purpose manifest in your life as a result of working on becoming the best version of yourself (p.11).
3% of Americans (5 million couples) currently remain celibate until their honeymoons.
Celibacy is about the mind as much as it is about the body (p.15).
Shame and fear of being judged are the wrong reasons to practice The Wait. If you let yourself be shamed into it, you won't stick with it (p.17).
Abstinence- refraining from sex; it's the absence of something with no greater meaning behind it
Celibacy- refraining from sex because of a vow or faith; abstinence with purpose (p.24-25)
"Reason number one to practice The Wait: it's a time to heal when the only one who matters is you.
African Americans are the racial/ethnic group most affected by HIV and the rate of new HIV infection in Africans Americans is 8 times that of whites based on population size. (p.35)
"Dating is like putting on your church clothes, and if you don't ever let someone know your less-than-perfect side before you get married, you could spend your entire life wearing those clothes, afraid to be yourself." (p.48)
"Home is about the person more than the place" (p.49)
One of the most important reasons people choose to delay gratification is also the simplest: it helps us get what we want (p.51)
[in society]] "We have unprotected sex with people we barely know, abuse alcohol and drugs and cal it fun, stay in dysfunctional relationships and call it love, and spend more money than we have and call it prosperity. (p.54)
See Romans 8:5-8
Complaining is a liability to avoided at all costs. From the perspective of The Wait, the time when nothing appears to be happening becomes your personal self-development laboratory (p.58). Set aside the victim mentality, which makes you believe you are the victim of your past relationships gone wrong. It does nothing but rob you of control and of the privilege of taking responsibility for your part. (p.59)
Achieving joy and fulfillment means surrounding yourself with like-minded people. You are who you hang out with, especially when you're defying cultural norms (p.61).
Waiting helps you think clearly. "One of the big reason our relationship is so strong today is that when we were dating, we couldn't fall back on sex when talking got tough."(p.63). Waiting gives you better knowledge of your partner; when you're not blinded by lust or counterfeit intimacy that can come with premarital sex, you can see the person you're dating for who they are. You'll be less likely to rationalize their character flaws. Waiting also leads to better self-esteem. Without sex in the picture, you know that your partner is with you for you. (p.65)
Being able to bypass relationships with people who don't want the same things you want out of life is a blessing (p.71).
When you're beginning The Wait, it's a good idea to seek some counseling, either from a relationship or spiritual counselor (p.72).
When you're dating exclusively, find other ways to feel stimulated when you're together. Do things that get you excited about each other's mind, creativity, or depth. (p.81)
"Celibacy is all about keeping a cool, clear head while you're getting to know someone someone, and to that end, we suggest that if you drink, go easy on the alcohol during those early dates" (p.85).
Temptation is going to be hanging out pretty much 24-7. You've got to have strategies for dealing with it. (p.89)
Masturbation is a grey area and is not explicitly mentioned in the bible so "seek God's will for you yourself." (p.96)
When you get weak, it's your partner's job to say 'No, remember what we're committed to.' (p.99)
Avoid people who talk about sex all the time.
Men care a lot about approval, validation, and self-worth is based on what other guys think (p.141)
There is no List, no catalog of external achievements that will make a man more of a man (p.143)
One in five women is sexually assaulted while attending college (p.145)
"Until I found my wife, I didn't appreciate how much the right woman would help God's plan for my life develop...How can you find your wife? The surest way is to become the kind of man she'll be attracted to--self aware, mature, and in tune with God's vision for your life. (p.153)
Your wife won't always be the type of woman you think you want (p.154)
Attention is the currency of success (p.158)
The Wait gives men permission not to stoop to the expectations of others. It absolves men of the need to reinforce the male stereotype. (p.161)
"You can date while you're practicing The Wait. (p.164)
The problems start wen we let the effects of infatuation, not our reason and character, dictate actions (p.170)
Love is deep, mature, and subtle. When we confuse it with infatuation and sexual chemistry, we waste years chasing shadows, trying to satisfy our need for certainty or validation, and blinding ourselves to how God is trying to bless us (p.171).
We fall in love with an idea of who we want someone to be, but we don't allow time and space for them to show us who they are (p.174). If someone you're dating or considering dating gets angry about honest questions, they may have something to hide (p.176).
"To this day we have not discussed with each other every single person we've dated. It isn't relevant. That kind of information can plant seeds of judgement, anger, frustration, and jealousy ...asking questions when dating is critical, buts so is knowing which questions to ask and which ones not to ask"(p.178). Unconditional love means accepting someone for who they are now, not who you hope they will be one day (p.183).
"Don't be afraid to use dating services. There's nothing wrong with trying everything from eHarmony and Match.com to It's Just Lunch."
Don't change yourself to get someone else's approval. (p.185)
Journal your thoughts daily. Seeing your thoughts about your dating life in writing gives you clarity. Write down your opinions, questions, and concerns every day before you turn in. Reread them in the morning. (p.186)
Use every date as a learning opportunity. You're refining your perceptions and learning to ask better questions. You're learning more about what you like and what you don't like in this person. (p.187) Don't project what you want onto the other person. If you're desperate to be in a committed relationship, you're more likely to ignore flaws and rationalize away unacceptable qualities. Then six months into the relationship you say, 'You're not who I thought you were." Whose fault is that? (p.188)
"As part of our mutual commitment to cultivate our spiritual selves instead of our sexual selves, we had decided to go on a Daniel-type fast for 40 days, fasting from things like meat, bread, and sweets (Daniel 1:8-16) (p.193).
You can't marry someone with the idea of changing them(p.196). The time to learn everything you can about how compatible you two are in every area of your lives comes before you're engaged (p.198).
"One of the most common regrets among couples who got married too soon is that they didn't get to live their lives as singles while they had the chance like travel, work for themselves, serve (p.199), pursue passions and relocate (p.200).
Commitment can have a lot of meanings, but for The Wait it has only one: marriage (p.200). There's a clear line between The Wait and waiting around. If you're just waiting around, you're doing it out of indecision, fear, or laziness. If you and your partner are communicating, sharing, being honest, exploring new things together, and keeping your objectivity, you shouldn't need more than a year to figure out whether God intended you for each other. If you're stuck in one of those stages for much longer, start asking why (p.202). Don't assume (p.205). Ask. And if you on't get clear answers, ask again. Assumptions can set you up for massive disappointment (p.205).
You should never commit because it's what someone else wants. "Whenever you make a decision motivated by pleasing someone else because you don't want to disappoint or upset them, you will
always make the wrong decision (p.207).
Learn more about your partner through spiritual counseling (Talking with a minister), regular Q&A-schedule one night every week or two to sit down and talk about a specific topic that's relevant to your future like goals, children, lifestyle, parents, mutual interests, etc; travel together. (p.210-211)
Don't live together and avoid acting like you're married before you actually are. "Doing that establishes expectations that can be impossible to live up to." (p.211-212) "You're not yourself when you're living with implications and expectations that just aren't supported by reality" (p.213)
A great sex life has a lot to do with the chemistry you have with the person you're getting serious with. Is there passion between you? Don't be afraid to kiss each other. because if there isn't passion chemistry, this is a red flag that you'll need to address if you want to have a strong and healthy marriage (p.217).
When you're sure get engaged, but be engaged only as long as it takes to plan your wedding (p.218). Some people use the engagement as another phase of testing compatibility, but that's another way of saying "I'm not sure". If you're not sure, don't get engaged.(p.218)
Don't use "Sex to wallpaper over conflicts and differences that call for honest communication. The simple solution for that: never have important discussions in bed. It's too easy to become pleasantly distracted." (p.221)
It's important to come into a marriage already knowing who you are and not counting on your marriage to change or complete you (p.223).
How you wait is as important as why. Here are some possible reasons why your wait could be setting you back rather than helping you: 1) You're waiting for a certain person. Don't be so fixated on a certain person that you pray for them instead of praying for God's will (p.228) . 2) You're waiting for God to do all the work. Imagine if that person came into your life when nothing had changed. Would your old habits sabotage the relationship before it even got started? 3)You don't really know you're waiting. If you're on an indefinite hold from relationships in the hopes that something good will happen, you're probably going to wind up even more frustrated.(p.229).
The clearer you are about how you want to better yourself while you're waiting, the more successful you will be. "Some of the important areas we suggest you focus on if you're planning your own time of waiting: Health and fitness, personal finance (paying off debts, buying a house, investing for retirement), career, education, travel, entrepreneurship, spirituality, creativity (painting, acting, composing music, writing a novel, doing stand up comedy), helping others, doing charitable work, etc. (p.230).
What is that meeting with your future spouse is right around the corner, but you sabotage it after years of discipline by giving up and going back to your old ways? (p.233)
The Wait involves letting go of the old fears, insecurities, and addictive behaviors that messed you up in the past, and cleaning up your emotional self (p.238)
For someone practicing The Wait, forgiveness is power. By forgiving others for their treatment of you, you free yourself from anger, regret, or guilt. You take back your power by taking the high ground--God's ground. (p.241)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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