What do you think?
Rate this book
Hope Endures: Leaving Mother Teresa, Losing Faith, and Searching for Meaning
The searing memoir of an extraordinary woman who served as a nun for eleven years in Mother Teresa's order, Hope Endures is a compelling chronicle of idealistic determination, rigid discipline, and shattering disillusionment. InÊher life's journey from certainty to doubt, Colette Livermore enters the Missionaries of Charity order in 1973 with unwavering faith and total surrender ofÊher will and intellect after seeing a documentary on the order's work in India. Only eighteen at the time, Livermore has been studying to enter medical school -- a lifelong goal -- but virtually overnight severs her many ties with family, friends, and the life she's known in beautiful, rural New South Wales in order to train as a sister to aid the poor. In the process, she also gives herself over to the order's unexpectedly severe, ascetic regime, which demands blind obedience and submission.
Given the religious name Sister Tobit, Livermore serves in some of the poorest places in the world -- the garbage dump slums of Manila, Papua New Guinea, and Calcutta -- bringing hope and care to people who are desperately ill, hungry, abandoned, and even dying, and comforting whomever she can. Although she draws inspiration and strength from her humanitarian work, Livermore and other nuns risk their own physical health, as they are sent to dangerous areas while being unschooled in the languages and cultures, untrained in medical care, and sometimes unprotected by vaccines. Livermore herself succumbs to bouts of drug-resistant cerebral malaria that almost kill her and to a new strain of hepatitis. Over time she also beginsÊto notice that the order's rigid insistence on unquestioning obedience harms the young sisters mentally, emotionally, and spiritually -- and she experiences a terrible inner struggle to find the right path for herself. As she tries to respond to the suffering around her, she often falls into an incomprehensible conflict between her vow to obey and her vow to serve, between religious strictures and the practice of compassion, between authority and personal conscience.
Pressured to stay with the order by Mother Teresa and other superiors, as well as by the younger nuns, Livermore nonetheless decides to leave at age thirty and attain her medical degree, continuing to take health care and relief to impoverished people in remote areas -- the isolated aboriginal communities of the Outback and war-torn East Timor. Even as she serves others as a medical doctor, she continues in a crisis of faith thatÊeventually leads her to become an agnostic.
Hope Endures is the eye-opening, deeply affecting story of a brave woman's search for meaning in a world that is rent with tragedies and contradictions. It is also an unflinching critique of any faith that insists on blind obedience. For true hope to endure, Dr. Livermore demonstrates, we must always strive to question, to face the hard truths, and to discover the courage to follow our convictions.
Given the religious name Sister Tobit, Livermore serves in some of the poorest places in the world -- the garbage dump slums of Manila, Papua New Guinea, and Calcutta -- bringing hope and care to people who are desperately ill, hungry, abandoned, and even dying, and comforting whomever she can. Although she draws inspiration and strength from her humanitarian work, Livermore and other nuns risk their own physical health, as they are sent to dangerous areas while being unschooled in the languages and cultures, untrained in medical care, and sometimes unprotected by vaccines. Livermore herself succumbs to bouts of drug-resistant cerebral malaria that almost kill her and to a new strain of hepatitis. Over time she also beginsÊto notice that the order's rigid insistence on unquestioning obedience harms the young sisters mentally, emotionally, and spiritually -- and she experiences a terrible inner struggle to find the right path for herself. As she tries to respond to the suffering around her, she often falls into an incomprehensible conflict between her vow to obey and her vow to serve, between religious strictures and the practice of compassion, between authority and personal conscience.
Pressured to stay with the order by Mother Teresa and other superiors, as well as by the younger nuns, Livermore nonetheless decides to leave at age thirty and attain her medical degree, continuing to take health care and relief to impoverished people in remote areas -- the isolated aboriginal communities of the Outback and war-torn East Timor. Even as she serves others as a medical doctor, she continues in a crisis of faith thatÊeventually leads her to become an agnostic.
Hope Endures is the eye-opening, deeply affecting story of a brave woman's search for meaning in a world that is rent with tragedies and contradictions. It is also an unflinching critique of any faith that insists on blind obedience. For true hope to endure, Dr. Livermore demonstrates, we must always strive to question, to face the hard truths, and to discover the courage to follow our convictions.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
6 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
November 10, 2013
In 1973, Colette Livermore joined the Missionaries of Charities (M.C.), the religious order of sisters founded by Mother Teresa of Calcutta in 1946. She was 18 and in Hope Endures she writes, ‘Although I had attended a convent school, I knew little about the inner workings and constraints of the religious life. I wanted to join Mother Teresa’s group because I thought they were trying to redress injustice. I was on the verge of becoming an accidental nun.’
Colette became Sister Tobit, M.C. against the advice of all her family and friends. During her senior year in high school, she was inspired by the film produced by Malcom Muggeridge, Something Beautiful for God. She even had a scholarship to medical school, but she thought she could better serve humanity by donning the familiar white sari with blue striped border.
Although our author doesn’t write this, I have often thought of Mother Teresa’s sisters as the modern (female) equivalent to the medieval Franciscan friars. Can you just imagine how those brown robed, bare-foot young men must have looked back then? How they must have stirred the imagination and sense of adventure to do noble good deeds! I think many young girls in the 1970s and 1980s may have been drawn to a vision of Mother Teresa’s life of selfless service as well – for all the right reasons – and yet totally unprepared for what they were undertaking.
Colette’s writing is courageous, generous and frank. She was and is a searcher after truth, which I believe is the presence of God reaching out to her whether or not she recognizes Him.
While she served as a Missionary of Charity, Sr. Tobit was frequently frustrated in her efforts to give medical care (or other assistance) to the poor by superiors who placed a higher value on total obedience than they did on compassion. She was discouraged time and again from showing initiative and learning an area, language, set of skills or basic medical competency due to frequent relocation, other priorities, lack of planning and many other reasons. When put in charge of training the new postulants, her recommendations for how to deal with problems were viewed as subversive and earned her relocation without explanation.
Fortunately she didn’t lose the desire to serve humanity after she left the order in 1984 and earned her medical degree in 1990, caring for the sick and wounded as Dr. Livermore in the Aboriginal Outback and East Timor in the ensuing years.
Interestingly in the years after leaving the Missionaries of Charity, Colette had more than a few other opportunities to meet, visit with, and assist her fellow MC Sisters and Brothers and she never shows the least hostility or resentment toward anyone. Quite the contrary, she is extremely happy to see those she knows, hear news of others and provide assistance, regardless of who it is or what help is required.
When I first saw this book I was prepared not to like it. I’ve always adored Mother Teresa and thought this would be a mean-spirited expose. However, as I read what Colette had to say, I came to like her. What’s more, I believed and empathized with her. She has some very valid criticisms about the MC. It is a huge religious order which grew very fast and (probably?) without a great deal of planning, organization or management, based primarily on the personality of one dynamic and very holy individual—Mother Teresa. Again I was reminded of St. Francis and what his order went through after he died. He didn't live so long as Mother Teresa nor did his order have the opportunity to grow and spread to so many different countries before he died.
At the end of her book, Colette doesn’t offer us any trite answers. She has found it as difficult to know when and how to serve on her own as a medical doctor, even now that she has all the training she once desired and the freedom to make her own decisions. She battles with a different timetable and she doesn’t know what it means to be good or holy anymore or if she believes in love.
That’s what she writes. Her actions say otherwise.
Colette became Sister Tobit, M.C. against the advice of all her family and friends. During her senior year in high school, she was inspired by the film produced by Malcom Muggeridge, Something Beautiful for God. She even had a scholarship to medical school, but she thought she could better serve humanity by donning the familiar white sari with blue striped border.
Although our author doesn’t write this, I have often thought of Mother Teresa’s sisters as the modern (female) equivalent to the medieval Franciscan friars. Can you just imagine how those brown robed, bare-foot young men must have looked back then? How they must have stirred the imagination and sense of adventure to do noble good deeds! I think many young girls in the 1970s and 1980s may have been drawn to a vision of Mother Teresa’s life of selfless service as well – for all the right reasons – and yet totally unprepared for what they were undertaking.
Colette’s writing is courageous, generous and frank. She was and is a searcher after truth, which I believe is the presence of God reaching out to her whether or not she recognizes Him.
While she served as a Missionary of Charity, Sr. Tobit was frequently frustrated in her efforts to give medical care (or other assistance) to the poor by superiors who placed a higher value on total obedience than they did on compassion. She was discouraged time and again from showing initiative and learning an area, language, set of skills or basic medical competency due to frequent relocation, other priorities, lack of planning and many other reasons. When put in charge of training the new postulants, her recommendations for how to deal with problems were viewed as subversive and earned her relocation without explanation.
Fortunately she didn’t lose the desire to serve humanity after she left the order in 1984 and earned her medical degree in 1990, caring for the sick and wounded as Dr. Livermore in the Aboriginal Outback and East Timor in the ensuing years.
Interestingly in the years after leaving the Missionaries of Charity, Colette had more than a few other opportunities to meet, visit with, and assist her fellow MC Sisters and Brothers and she never shows the least hostility or resentment toward anyone. Quite the contrary, she is extremely happy to see those she knows, hear news of others and provide assistance, regardless of who it is or what help is required.
When I first saw this book I was prepared not to like it. I’ve always adored Mother Teresa and thought this would be a mean-spirited expose. However, as I read what Colette had to say, I came to like her. What’s more, I believed and empathized with her. She has some very valid criticisms about the MC. It is a huge religious order which grew very fast and (probably?) without a great deal of planning, organization or management, based primarily on the personality of one dynamic and very holy individual—Mother Teresa. Again I was reminded of St. Francis and what his order went through after he died. He didn't live so long as Mother Teresa nor did his order have the opportunity to grow and spread to so many different countries before he died.
At the end of her book, Colette doesn’t offer us any trite answers. She has found it as difficult to know when and how to serve on her own as a medical doctor, even now that she has all the training she once desired and the freedom to make her own decisions. She battles with a different timetable and she doesn’t know what it means to be good or holy anymore or if she believes in love.
That’s what she writes. Her actions say otherwise.
January 22, 2011
When Colette was 17 years old growing up in Australia, the nightly news was featuring stories about the famine in Biafra, Nigeria. While her mind pondered this suffering she was also preparing for her entrance exams for medical school. Then she saw a documentary about Mother Teresa's order, the Missionaries of Charity, and she knew what she must do. Forgoing her college career she was determined to help the poor and needy now, and she became a nun within Mother Teresa’s order at age 18. I was surprised to learn that the MC’s operated out of dozens of countries and Colette started in Australia.
From there she served among the worlds poor from the Philippines to Hong Kong as Sister Tobit, but ultimately after 12 years of butting heads with controlling leaders she left the order to pursue her original dream of becoming a Doctor. She has spent the time since then serving in the remote settlements of Australia and war torn East Timor. This is a tremendous book that really shows where blind obedience meets faith, and sometimes they clash. The problem she describes in her book, the same struggles that caused her to lose her faith, I have seen within my own religious experience. On a grander scale it is the fight between the Loving and Saving Christ of the new testament and the self-righteous defenders of all that is “right” Pharisees. But to illustrate the main thrust of the book I am reminded of this old urban legend/joke:
An instructor at the Institute of Religion was teaching a course on the life of Christ over in the new East Institute building. On the last day of class, when students arrived for the final exam, they found a note on the chalkboard from their instructor saying that the exam would be given in the old West Institute building, across campus. The note on the board sent all the students rushing off to the West Institute, in order not to arrive late. On the way they all passed a pathetic old beggar who petitioned them for help as they hurried by. Nobody stopped for the beggar, however. When the students reached the other classroom on the west side of campus, their instructor was waiting. He asked the class if anyone had helped the beggar, and learning they had not, he informed them all that they had failed the final exam. The beggar, the instructor explained, was really an actor he had planted in their path. By ignoring him, the students had shown that they had studied the facts of Jesus' life without acquiring any of his compassion.
Sister Tobit’s problem was perpetually thinking she should stop for the beggar as it was her job. When arriving back late for holding one of her charges as he died, or admitting a sick child whose parents arrived on a Thursday (the Mother’s designated day off), or for wanting to fulfill a promise to a non-english speaking immigrant to go help fill out paperwork but not being able to (or even let the person know they couldn’t) because the Mother wanted some pots polished. Having suffering deigned the highest honor as it put you in understanding with Christ, not allowed to form friendships within the order, not allowed to have even a potted plant (or any possessions), having to beg for food from the poor when money was present to buy their own. (please note Mother in this sense is not referring to Mother Teresa, but rather the Mother Superior at her local house)
Anyways, when stopping for the beggar she did not receive the mythical “A”, rather she was berated for having too much pride. “Do you think you are the only one who could help?” “You think you are that important.” In a larger sense it strikes me as ironic that rather than obey the basic rules of the gospel, we overcome this by make more rules about the unimportant. It is more important how we dress, what hand we use in partaking the Sacrament, what color shirt we wear, what meetings we attend, what callings we have, etc. Ultimately I believe there will be some disappointed people one day who think helping out in Scouts, wearing a white shirt, avoiding diet coke & r rated movies, and their blind obedience to any number of Pharisaical rules will excuse their avoidance of the basics of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is love. That is like me creating my own currency then fully expect my local stores to accept it as payment.
And to those of the “I show my love by wearing a white shirt”, etc; I say Merde de Bulle!! You show your love with LOVE. Christ’s life was a mission to bring others equal to him – to have all the Father has. In trying to emulate Christ is your mission in life to have everyone have all that you have? I suggest this, when serving others do not follow the prescribed path of forcing your religion on them as part of the deal. Just serve them and the converts will take care of themselves. Help where you can help, give where you can give, sacrifice where you can sacrifice. In my very limited opinion that will leave you in a lot better stead than just looking "good."
From there she served among the worlds poor from the Philippines to Hong Kong as Sister Tobit, but ultimately after 12 years of butting heads with controlling leaders she left the order to pursue her original dream of becoming a Doctor. She has spent the time since then serving in the remote settlements of Australia and war torn East Timor. This is a tremendous book that really shows where blind obedience meets faith, and sometimes they clash. The problem she describes in her book, the same struggles that caused her to lose her faith, I have seen within my own religious experience. On a grander scale it is the fight between the Loving and Saving Christ of the new testament and the self-righteous defenders of all that is “right” Pharisees. But to illustrate the main thrust of the book I am reminded of this old urban legend/joke:
An instructor at the Institute of Religion was teaching a course on the life of Christ over in the new East Institute building. On the last day of class, when students arrived for the final exam, they found a note on the chalkboard from their instructor saying that the exam would be given in the old West Institute building, across campus. The note on the board sent all the students rushing off to the West Institute, in order not to arrive late. On the way they all passed a pathetic old beggar who petitioned them for help as they hurried by. Nobody stopped for the beggar, however. When the students reached the other classroom on the west side of campus, their instructor was waiting. He asked the class if anyone had helped the beggar, and learning they had not, he informed them all that they had failed the final exam. The beggar, the instructor explained, was really an actor he had planted in their path. By ignoring him, the students had shown that they had studied the facts of Jesus' life without acquiring any of his compassion.
Sister Tobit’s problem was perpetually thinking she should stop for the beggar as it was her job. When arriving back late for holding one of her charges as he died, or admitting a sick child whose parents arrived on a Thursday (the Mother’s designated day off), or for wanting to fulfill a promise to a non-english speaking immigrant to go help fill out paperwork but not being able to (or even let the person know they couldn’t) because the Mother wanted some pots polished. Having suffering deigned the highest honor as it put you in understanding with Christ, not allowed to form friendships within the order, not allowed to have even a potted plant (or any possessions), having to beg for food from the poor when money was present to buy their own. (please note Mother in this sense is not referring to Mother Teresa, but rather the Mother Superior at her local house)
Anyways, when stopping for the beggar she did not receive the mythical “A”, rather she was berated for having too much pride. “Do you think you are the only one who could help?” “You think you are that important.” In a larger sense it strikes me as ironic that rather than obey the basic rules of the gospel, we overcome this by make more rules about the unimportant. It is more important how we dress, what hand we use in partaking the Sacrament, what color shirt we wear, what meetings we attend, what callings we have, etc. Ultimately I believe there will be some disappointed people one day who think helping out in Scouts, wearing a white shirt, avoiding diet coke & r rated movies, and their blind obedience to any number of Pharisaical rules will excuse their avoidance of the basics of the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is love. That is like me creating my own currency then fully expect my local stores to accept it as payment.
And to those of the “I show my love by wearing a white shirt”, etc; I say Merde de Bulle!! You show your love with LOVE. Christ’s life was a mission to bring others equal to him – to have all the Father has. In trying to emulate Christ is your mission in life to have everyone have all that you have? I suggest this, when serving others do not follow the prescribed path of forcing your religion on them as part of the deal. Just serve them and the converts will take care of themselves. Help where you can help, give where you can give, sacrifice where you can sacrifice. In my very limited opinion that will leave you in a lot better stead than just looking "good."
October 8, 2013
This book gave a fascinating account of what it's like to be a nun in the order founded by Mother Teresa. Some of it was disturbing – for example, the highly ranking nun who said that it was better for the children in the hospital to die once they were baptized rather than to live and grow up and possibly commit sins. The revelations about nuns putting their own schedule ahead of the dying were disturbing, such as the incidents of children turned away and not helped because the sisters were taking a break, perhaps most importantly, the writer talks about how all thought was suppressed, how they were taught always to be submissive and never stand up for themselves. The order put priority on suffering and being downtrodden ahead of efficiency, and the author so many times when lack of planning, organization, and preparation made things much harder than they had to be. When she complained or spoke up or even tried to give an idea, she was harshly reprimanded. She basically talks about a system that was emotionally abusive and often did more harm to the people they were serving than good. She is not sparing in her criticism, but she doesn't seem to be bitter or angry, she doesn't pay Mother Teresa as the other nuns as villains at all. Colette is an amazing person – even with all the odds against her she manages to go to medical school and graduate, and after leaving the sisters she continues to help people volunteering their services as a doctor in some war-torn and poverty-stricken regions. This book was fascinating and I'm very glad I read it
August 9, 2012
Livermore, an Australian, leads an adventurous and spiritual life. She describes her experiences here, covering eleven years in Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity, serving in various impoverished communities including India and Papua New Guinea, leaving the order, becoming a doctor, and serving the poor in a secular role in East Timor and the Australian Outback. Her sincerity is evident throughout the book; she is a hard-working seeker of an ethical, practical, and spiritual path and the journey is not easy. She questions religion, society, and herself continually, and makes hard choices and does demanding work. I found her story fascinating. Despite the mild tone with which she writes, this woman is tough and has seen and lived in poverty , learned languages and cultures, and questioned a living saint, Mother Teresa. It was difficult to read at times because she is so honest with the trials of body and spirit. I'd love t spend time with this lady to get a better understanding of her thoughts.
November 25, 2009
Some friends and I had a big discussion why Mother Theresa felt that God had abandoned her. We finally came to the conclusion that she probably didn't follow the laws human's are forced to live by. Things like a good nights rest, time away to recharge and the loving support of friends are basic to living a life that is productive and not burnt out especially in places where pain is the ruler.
After reading this book and learning about how the nun's live it all made sense why Mother Theresa felt God left her and it was for the reasons we suspected, a flagrant disregard for the needs we have as humans.
Worth reading.
After reading this book and learning about how the nun's live it all made sense why Mother Theresa felt God left her and it was for the reasons we suspected, a flagrant disregard for the needs we have as humans.
Worth reading.
July 15, 2017
The book grew on me. Having read Christopher Hitchens' book on Mother Teresa, I was curious to get an inside viewpoint from someone in the order for over a decade. She joined because she wanted to serve the poorest of the poor, not because she wanted to become a saint through a life of religious submission. Although the author lost her faith in religion generally, and the Catholic Church in particular, through being a member of the Missionaries of Charity, she retained great respect for Mother Teresa as a person despite not agreeing with her priorities or several of her policies which caused damage to some in the order and didn't serve the needs of those they ostensibly were there to help. She sums up her impressions: "... a deep paradox lies at the heart of Mother Teresa's order. Courageous compassion was a cover for an organization that demanded blind submission and suppression of the intellect. From my time with her I learned that I need to test all ideas, including the values inherited from the culture of my birth, and to question the prevailing mores and prejudices that pervade any society." She left not because she could not endure the discipline but because in the order helping people was secondary to submission to authority on every level, often arbitrarily and unkindly exercised. The book also covers the author's life after leaving the order, when she got a medical degree before practicing in poor communities in northern Australia and then in East Timor immediately after the violence there.
August 26, 2012
The author spent 11 years as a member of Mother Theresa's order. What she encountered there was in direct contradiction to the public face of the order. She lost her faith as well as her vocation and is now a practicing doctor performing the work she had hoped to do as a nun.
The compassion and charity that are the public face of the order are not things Dr. Livermore encountered while a member. Unfortunately, some idols have feet of clay.
The compassion and charity that are the public face of the order are not things Dr. Livermore encountered while a member. Unfortunately, some idols have feet of clay.
October 16, 2010
I liked the book very much, but was so angry by the end that I hated Mother Theresa, most religions and the brainwashing that exists in organizations that are purportedly about compassion and charity.
August 7, 2012
A very good look at what working with Mother Teresa was really like, without coming across preachy or judgmental. I really felt for the author and her story and by the end was cheering on as she made a new life for herself.
February 4, 2013
Hope Endures is an honest and sympathetic account of Colette Livermore’s life and disillusionment with Mother Theresa’s Missionaries of Charity and eventual life as an agnostic MD that admits both the beauty of spiritual service and the hypocrisies of institutionalised religious life. It was written in response to the commercialisation of Mother Theresa’s beatification.
“Buried in the mud of religious hypocrisy and intolerance are nuggets of gold, gleaned from thousands of years of reflection and experience” wrote Livermore “We dismiss these insights at our peril. Happiness cannot simply be grasped; it has to be given away in love, service and compassion, before it can be truly acquired.”
Mother Theresa was undoubtedly a remarkably good woman – a point made by Livermore who remained in mail contact with Mother after leaving the order. Livermore helps us look deeper the complexities of a woman who exuded certainty to motivate her sisters, and yet personally struggled with the existence of God in a world of suffering.
The discipline of monastic teaches that work is sacred, where the ordinary lifts up the soul. Life in poverty – really communal ownership, since monasteries can have a lot of wealth – may help develop the poetry of the soul or develop within individuals an envy over petty differences. MC life means giving yourself to God and required Livermore learning the humility of tasks not related to her dream.
At times, charity distracted Livermore from her own inner turmoil and Mother Theresa spoke with such certainty. Religious routine was placed ahead of the needs of the desperate. Later, away from the order as an MD, Livermore found the other extreme - no respite in places such as Dili, Katherine and Aboriginal Australia.
However, she has not turned to the other antireligious extreme.
While admitting the many atrocities of religious history, Livermore criticises Richard Dawkins “hardly scientific or dispassionate” belief that religion is the primary source of evil. “Does Richard Dawkins seriously believe there would be no evil in the world?” she asks.
Inspired by Malcolm Muggerridge’s Documentary Something Beautiful for God, Livermore spent eleven years in the order to help the poor.
Mother Theresa had ordered the destruction of her private correspondence but surviving letters to her Jesuit spiritual director revealed Mothers her sense of loneliness and coldness. “When I try to raise my thoughts to heaven there is such convicting emptiness … I am told god loves me – and yet the reality [is] of darkness and coldness.”
Shame and humiliation as training did not teach courtesy, which Livermore links with humility. The Gospels claim God uses the foolish of the world meant that the MC’s were poorly trained. And that unquestioned obedience of superiors meant medical errors were made. Service was to be performed in love, and while intelligence can be used to breed arrogance, knowledge is not a lack of love.
St John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul was seen by mother Theresa and her patron saint Therese of Lisieux is like Jesus on the cross asking “Why have you forsaken me?” We must learn to love God not for consolation or reward, bit for Gods own sake. Doubt was not seen as genuine questioning.
Perhaps Mothers struggle to enforce religious discipline was partly driven by her own inner conflict. She was determined to be the consummate cheerleader of her MC troupes. Livermore sensed mother Theresa was “overwrought, strained and tormented, as if confined in a psychological pressure cooker. Some ordinary human comfort and recreation may have released the pressure, but she never allowed herself any respite.” Similarly, sisters were not allowed close friendships, but to live perpetually aware of Jesus suffering.
The image of a Saint is of a great wise teacher able to lead others because of a higher spiritual attainment. But often they are strenuously following an ideal that cannot be applied as easily in life. Gandhi is a useful comparison: he wrote extensively of his struggles with sexual desire, and sought a perfect India based on unity of Hindu and Muslim unity, nonviolence and a society based on the good features of village life. In reality, Gandhi’s insistence probably delayed Indian Independence by a decade and it is in village life where social inequality and caste discrimination hurts modern India. Similarly, in pursing her ideal, Mother Missionaries of Charity magnified some of the flaws of religious institutions and allowed unquestioned obedience to tradition to hinder service of the suffering.
If the evil of capitalism is greed, the evil of socialism is envy, noted Amartya Sen of Indian life. Similarly, the act of forced social levelling magnified petty differences. In the Order, harsh discipline of the society was for some an emotional time bomb; suffering was home grown and self-perpetuating.
The discipline and fulfilment of work is an important part of spiritual life. A vocation when seen as a spiritual quest offers meaning and identity. Selfless service to society is potentially a spiritual path. However discipline should be limited by its purpose – to help the poor in the case of MC. Prayful acceptance of ones lot in life can reflectively reveal the artfulness of the soul often lost in the functions of modern life.
Recalling Victor Frankl, Livermore reminds us that psychological health requires we find meaning in life. However, traditions can also hinder us from spiritual health by becoming reasons for their own existence.
So often the saints of history struggled, at times even persecuted or excommunicated, while trained and refined in a religious discipline they did not just accept life as it was but changed it.
However, we like to see the world in stereotype: the idealised saint versus the villainous other. It is too easy to ignore the shadow side of saints. That there are idealised role models somehow eases our conscience. We admire them, we feel good about humanity, then slip back into old habits of complacency. Many may feel threatened to read of Mother Theresa’s imperfections, much as a Chassid may feel uncomfortable may dislike criticism of the Rebbe, a Muslim may feel uncomfortable if a person questions Muhammad, a Buddhist the Dalai Lama.
Asking such questions does not deny their legacy.
All people are potentially good or evil and we can learn from saint’s struggles and the questions she faced to see what choices we will make in our life. Few of us can live up to the ideals of reforming saint. We are made of many conflicting parts, as if we have what former monastic Thomas Moore calls a polytheistic soul, each part like competing gods.
Perhaps, the Kabbalistic image of a broken vessel, to be newly re-perfected, illustrates Livermore’s slow journey to remake herself with courage and compassion.
She was taught to see Jesus in the face of the lowest of the poor and yet at times obedience to the whims of a superior meant she forced to ignore those with sunken eyes and laboured breath in deference to a schedule. At one time the poor are sacred, the next treated like dirt. The death of someone you tried to help may be Gods will, but was its Gods will that someone die because you must first satisfy a superiors whim?
Jesus acceptance of suffering, to turn the other cheek, and Mother advised “not to try escape humiliation, but to grab the chance to be like him … on the Cross, Jesus has shown the deepest poverty: complete surrender and abandonment to His Father.”
But Jesus also said to speak to make peace to your brother in private, before involving witnesses, or the congregation (Mt 18: 15-17). Instead gossip fuelled criticism repeated by a superior could not be clarified, harming the order.
Mother Theresa did not fall to the sins of say adulterous Martin Luther King. Her order had members who confused legitimate questions with pride.
Later, Mother Theresa apologised to Livermore for thinking pride motivated her defection. She wished Livermore success in her Medical studies that allowed her to help disadvantaged Aborigine and East Timorese.
Livermore once argued with a Buddhist co-workers belief that since absolute certainties are unknowable, the best is to be good or compassionate in the moment. Truth was definite: either Jesus was resurrected or he wasn’t. If he wasn’t then the foundation of Christianity falls – and there is no afterlife she argued. As an MD she helped at the assisted the flooding of Katherine, and the aftermath of the Dili Massacre. The 2004 Tsunami seems to have precipitated her final acceptance that “The journey is all there is; the ones we love along the way are our deepest joy.”
The sparrow may not die without the Fathers knowledge, but millions of children seem too.
But unlike John Lennon’s lyrics calling for a world with “nothing to live or die for” (which I feel would be very boring – even artists have willingly died for their art) rather than pacifist acceptance there are ideas must learn to fight or reform.
It is people like Colette Livermore, and mother Theresa, who face adversity and question our responses to it that encourage us ask questions of us and refine our own soul.
We may not face the rigours of monastic life, but like Biblical Job, can we refuse to deny our integrity in the face of the pressures of society, law and responsibility and tradition?
“Buried in the mud of religious hypocrisy and intolerance are nuggets of gold, gleaned from thousands of years of reflection and experience” wrote Livermore “We dismiss these insights at our peril. Happiness cannot simply be grasped; it has to be given away in love, service and compassion, before it can be truly acquired.”
Mother Theresa was undoubtedly a remarkably good woman – a point made by Livermore who remained in mail contact with Mother after leaving the order. Livermore helps us look deeper the complexities of a woman who exuded certainty to motivate her sisters, and yet personally struggled with the existence of God in a world of suffering.
The discipline of monastic teaches that work is sacred, where the ordinary lifts up the soul. Life in poverty – really communal ownership, since monasteries can have a lot of wealth – may help develop the poetry of the soul or develop within individuals an envy over petty differences. MC life means giving yourself to God and required Livermore learning the humility of tasks not related to her dream.
At times, charity distracted Livermore from her own inner turmoil and Mother Theresa spoke with such certainty. Religious routine was placed ahead of the needs of the desperate. Later, away from the order as an MD, Livermore found the other extreme - no respite in places such as Dili, Katherine and Aboriginal Australia.
However, she has not turned to the other antireligious extreme.
While admitting the many atrocities of religious history, Livermore criticises Richard Dawkins “hardly scientific or dispassionate” belief that religion is the primary source of evil. “Does Richard Dawkins seriously believe there would be no evil in the world?” she asks.
Inspired by Malcolm Muggerridge’s Documentary Something Beautiful for God, Livermore spent eleven years in the order to help the poor.
Mother Theresa had ordered the destruction of her private correspondence but surviving letters to her Jesuit spiritual director revealed Mothers her sense of loneliness and coldness. “When I try to raise my thoughts to heaven there is such convicting emptiness … I am told god loves me – and yet the reality [is] of darkness and coldness.”
Shame and humiliation as training did not teach courtesy, which Livermore links with humility. The Gospels claim God uses the foolish of the world meant that the MC’s were poorly trained. And that unquestioned obedience of superiors meant medical errors were made. Service was to be performed in love, and while intelligence can be used to breed arrogance, knowledge is not a lack of love.
St John of the Cross’ Dark Night of the Soul was seen by mother Theresa and her patron saint Therese of Lisieux is like Jesus on the cross asking “Why have you forsaken me?” We must learn to love God not for consolation or reward, bit for Gods own sake. Doubt was not seen as genuine questioning.
Perhaps Mothers struggle to enforce religious discipline was partly driven by her own inner conflict. She was determined to be the consummate cheerleader of her MC troupes. Livermore sensed mother Theresa was “overwrought, strained and tormented, as if confined in a psychological pressure cooker. Some ordinary human comfort and recreation may have released the pressure, but she never allowed herself any respite.” Similarly, sisters were not allowed close friendships, but to live perpetually aware of Jesus suffering.
The image of a Saint is of a great wise teacher able to lead others because of a higher spiritual attainment. But often they are strenuously following an ideal that cannot be applied as easily in life. Gandhi is a useful comparison: he wrote extensively of his struggles with sexual desire, and sought a perfect India based on unity of Hindu and Muslim unity, nonviolence and a society based on the good features of village life. In reality, Gandhi’s insistence probably delayed Indian Independence by a decade and it is in village life where social inequality and caste discrimination hurts modern India. Similarly, in pursing her ideal, Mother Missionaries of Charity magnified some of the flaws of religious institutions and allowed unquestioned obedience to tradition to hinder service of the suffering.
If the evil of capitalism is greed, the evil of socialism is envy, noted Amartya Sen of Indian life. Similarly, the act of forced social levelling magnified petty differences. In the Order, harsh discipline of the society was for some an emotional time bomb; suffering was home grown and self-perpetuating.
The discipline and fulfilment of work is an important part of spiritual life. A vocation when seen as a spiritual quest offers meaning and identity. Selfless service to society is potentially a spiritual path. However discipline should be limited by its purpose – to help the poor in the case of MC. Prayful acceptance of ones lot in life can reflectively reveal the artfulness of the soul often lost in the functions of modern life.
Recalling Victor Frankl, Livermore reminds us that psychological health requires we find meaning in life. However, traditions can also hinder us from spiritual health by becoming reasons for their own existence.
So often the saints of history struggled, at times even persecuted or excommunicated, while trained and refined in a religious discipline they did not just accept life as it was but changed it.
However, we like to see the world in stereotype: the idealised saint versus the villainous other. It is too easy to ignore the shadow side of saints. That there are idealised role models somehow eases our conscience. We admire them, we feel good about humanity, then slip back into old habits of complacency. Many may feel threatened to read of Mother Theresa’s imperfections, much as a Chassid may feel uncomfortable may dislike criticism of the Rebbe, a Muslim may feel uncomfortable if a person questions Muhammad, a Buddhist the Dalai Lama.
Asking such questions does not deny their legacy.
All people are potentially good or evil and we can learn from saint’s struggles and the questions she faced to see what choices we will make in our life. Few of us can live up to the ideals of reforming saint. We are made of many conflicting parts, as if we have what former monastic Thomas Moore calls a polytheistic soul, each part like competing gods.
Perhaps, the Kabbalistic image of a broken vessel, to be newly re-perfected, illustrates Livermore’s slow journey to remake herself with courage and compassion.
She was taught to see Jesus in the face of the lowest of the poor and yet at times obedience to the whims of a superior meant she forced to ignore those with sunken eyes and laboured breath in deference to a schedule. At one time the poor are sacred, the next treated like dirt. The death of someone you tried to help may be Gods will, but was its Gods will that someone die because you must first satisfy a superiors whim?
Jesus acceptance of suffering, to turn the other cheek, and Mother advised “not to try escape humiliation, but to grab the chance to be like him … on the Cross, Jesus has shown the deepest poverty: complete surrender and abandonment to His Father.”
But Jesus also said to speak to make peace to your brother in private, before involving witnesses, or the congregation (Mt 18: 15-17). Instead gossip fuelled criticism repeated by a superior could not be clarified, harming the order.
Mother Theresa did not fall to the sins of say adulterous Martin Luther King. Her order had members who confused legitimate questions with pride.
Later, Mother Theresa apologised to Livermore for thinking pride motivated her defection. She wished Livermore success in her Medical studies that allowed her to help disadvantaged Aborigine and East Timorese.
Livermore once argued with a Buddhist co-workers belief that since absolute certainties are unknowable, the best is to be good or compassionate in the moment. Truth was definite: either Jesus was resurrected or he wasn’t. If he wasn’t then the foundation of Christianity falls – and there is no afterlife she argued. As an MD she helped at the assisted the flooding of Katherine, and the aftermath of the Dili Massacre. The 2004 Tsunami seems to have precipitated her final acceptance that “The journey is all there is; the ones we love along the way are our deepest joy.”
The sparrow may not die without the Fathers knowledge, but millions of children seem too.
But unlike John Lennon’s lyrics calling for a world with “nothing to live or die for” (which I feel would be very boring – even artists have willingly died for their art) rather than pacifist acceptance there are ideas must learn to fight or reform.
It is people like Colette Livermore, and mother Theresa, who face adversity and question our responses to it that encourage us ask questions of us and refine our own soul.
We may not face the rigours of monastic life, but like Biblical Job, can we refuse to deny our integrity in the face of the pressures of society, law and responsibility and tradition?
March 25, 2016
Interesting read. Clearly she is still processing her journey in life and the time with Mother Theresa's group. I'd recommend the book simple as a differing opinion on other things about Mother Theresa's order....also bc it is interesting to see the path someone walked to enter that way of life. I didn't think it was well edited so a bit clumsy to read at point.
Read
July 25, 2011Gives great insight into the everyday life of the women working within the Sisters of Charity. It was clear the author had enormous drive to help people but not the religious drive to blindly obey her superiors. A fascinating read.
Want to Read
December 17, 2008wow...just reading the description was riveting. And confirms some of my own choices.
April 5, 2009
Interesting perspective from the inside of the religious order. It was a little drawn out and not very well written.
August 9, 2010
A self-aggrandizing memoir by an ex-nun of Mother Teresa's, Colette Livermore explains her frustrations of working in a sharply structured religious order. Tedious details abound.
September 27, 2014
A good memoir about a sister of the MC's. Told of her life in the order as well as her life afterwards.
August 26, 2024
An interesting read about the author's gradual loss of faith, the insidious erosion of believe in her own judgement and her difficult and painful extrication from the Missionaries of Charity. Colette Livermore's true values and considerable capabilities were eventually able to shine, and my suspicion is that her work as a doctor with the poor and the underprivileged was equally if not more valuable (at least more efficient and sensible) as her work as a nun, with its accompanying self-imposed poverty, self flagellation (what century were they living in?!) and self denial.
Those years of training to be a nun sounded horrible, if not downright abusive. Colette described it perfectly when she said it was about negation of self (with the promise of resurrection - doesn't that make it transactional?). People of faith might understand this sacrifice, but to me as an atheist it seemed outrageous for someone as intelligent and keen to do good as Colette, to be undermined and bullied in this way. Some of the senior nuns were clearly driven by power and egotism rather than common sense, as seen in their (frankly mean) treatment of the novices as described by Colette.
My criticism of the book is that I didn't think the text flowed well in parts, was at times disjointed, and there was perhaps too much repetition of who was doing what, by individuals we didn't really know, and such detail didn't add to the narrative - the editor should have done a better job with this.
The book inspired me to find out more about the pros and cons of Mother Teresa's rigid methods, her glorification of suffering and poverty, the poor training of the nuns for their medical care roles, and the haphazard inefficient way the order was run.
Those years of training to be a nun sounded horrible, if not downright abusive. Colette described it perfectly when she said it was about negation of self (with the promise of resurrection - doesn't that make it transactional?). People of faith might understand this sacrifice, but to me as an atheist it seemed outrageous for someone as intelligent and keen to do good as Colette, to be undermined and bullied in this way. Some of the senior nuns were clearly driven by power and egotism rather than common sense, as seen in their (frankly mean) treatment of the novices as described by Colette.
My criticism of the book is that I didn't think the text flowed well in parts, was at times disjointed, and there was perhaps too much repetition of who was doing what, by individuals we didn't really know, and such detail didn't add to the narrative - the editor should have done a better job with this.
The book inspired me to find out more about the pros and cons of Mother Teresa's rigid methods, her glorification of suffering and poverty, the poor training of the nuns for their medical care roles, and the haphazard inefficient way the order was run.
May 4, 2017
Hope Endures is Colette Livermore’s spiritual journey, a journey she is still experiencing/processing. Her perspective and insights are interesting. My problem with the book is the writing; it just isn’t very good. Everything is very choppy with one idea being jotted down and the following paragraph being on to something else. Her thoughts are grouped by chronology but not every note/remembrance from a particular time period needed to be embraced, especially those that are repetitive. A thought-provoking book that would have benefitted with better editing.
January 5, 2025
Texto de parte, crítico pero no buscadamente sanguinoliento. Quizá el caso no representa la categoría. Pero describe de modo razonable los intestinos de una congregación basada, en parte, en una obsesión excesiva por la pobreza y la obediencia como fines en sí mismas, y con el marco asfixiante de un conservadurismo antediluviano (preconciliar, en este caso), que resume casi mejor que cualquier otra cosa que se pueda criticar las miserias del propio tinglado de las MC (Misioneras de la Caridad de la madre Teresa de Calculta).
August 29, 2019
I enjoyed this book. I love true stories wherein people give an account of their experiences pertaining to ' something'.
A very interesting read ....
Might I add, An Honest experience!!
A very interesting read ....
Might I add, An Honest experience!!
December 24, 2021
it was very good. the religious points were very well crafted although I wish she would have stuck to religion more at the end but overall a very informative read.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews