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The Latter Days: A Memoir
An arresting, lyrical memoir about the path the author took sometimes unwittingly out of her Mormon upbringing and through a thicket of profound difficulties to become a writer.
At twenty-two, Judith Freeman was working in the Mormon church owned department store in the Utah town where she d grown up. In the process of divorcing the man she had married at seventeen, she was living in her parents house with her four-year-old son, who had already endured two heart surgeries. She had abandoned Mormonism, the faith into which she had been born, and she was having an affair with her son s surgeon, a married man with three children of his own. It was at this fraught moment that she decided to become a writer. In this moving memoir, Freeman explores the circumstances and choices that informed her course, and those that allowed her to find a way forward. Writing with remarkable candor and insight, she gives us an illuminating, singular portrait of resilience and forgiveness, of memory and hindsight, and of the ways in which we come to identify our truest selves. "(With black-and-white photographs throughout.)""
At twenty-two, Judith Freeman was working in the Mormon church owned department store in the Utah town where she d grown up. In the process of divorcing the man she had married at seventeen, she was living in her parents house with her four-year-old son, who had already endured two heart surgeries. She had abandoned Mormonism, the faith into which she had been born, and she was having an affair with her son s surgeon, a married man with three children of his own. It was at this fraught moment that she decided to become a writer. In this moving memoir, Freeman explores the circumstances and choices that informed her course, and those that allowed her to find a way forward. Writing with remarkable candor and insight, she gives us an illuminating, singular portrait of resilience and forgiveness, of memory and hindsight, and of the ways in which we come to identify our truest selves. "(With black-and-white photographs throughout.)""
497 pages, Hardcover
First published June 7, 2016
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June 8, 2016
Publication day today!!
I finished this memoir by novelist Judith Freeman two days ago, and I'm trying to put my finger on why the story of a young girl's coming of age in a Mormon household in Utah during the Fifties and Sixties--a girl who just happens to have become one of our most prominent writers--has so captivated me.
Even more than the story itself, fascinating on its own merits, it was the elegant style of its storytelling, the cool, unexpectedly sophisticated tone. Unlike many a memoir of growing up in a constricting, sometimes dangerous environment, Freeman lets the evidence stand for itself. There's no hyperventilating-- did you see how bad this was? Do you see how nuts this is? Can you believe? Can you imagine?
The events--the dynamics of the huge insulated family, the father's dangerous moods, the religious practices and demands--are presented as they occurred to a girl who accepted this all as normal, and why wouldn't she? Everyone she knew was part of it.
Yet her own feelings tell her--and us--it was hardly normal. I loved that even as child, the author never overrode her own feelings--something that must have been tempting to do, to avoid the painful contradictions. And the power of those feelings slowly, naturally, began to separate her from the grip of family and religion.
Freeman's feeling for the West is exquisite. I loved her childhood on horse back, riding in the hills with her friends, her comfort in nature. We learn what it is to come from a long line of rock-jawed Mormons who pioneered for their religion, the feeling of that kind of connection with the land. Having written about Mormonism not always flatteringly in novels such as The Chinchilla Farm and Red Water--the story of a shocking episode of early Mormon history told from the points of view of four wives of Brigham Young cohort John D. Lee--I was impressed by her even-handedness in her memoir. We're given a picture of a time and a place, and of life within an all-encompassing faith--in its positive aspects as well as its strangeness.
Freeman's memoir presents both sides of such a religion: the solidarity and beauty of religious community, mutual aid, fraternal affection, association with the transcendent; but also the frustration, violence, the demands upon time that could be employed in so many other ways, and most of all, its creepy patriarchy, the virtual blackmail that male elders use to gain power of the pubescent Judith, shaming her for her sexuality and attractiveness to them, which eventually leads her to marriage at 17.
The book opens and closes on a scene of the young woman at 22, already with a baby, a soon to be divorcee working at a Mormon department store and living with her parents. She craves a certain expensive red pot, and eventually she steals the pot. At the start, we have a certain view of this poor girl--pity for her frustration, how trapped and without resources she is. But by the end, we've gained respect for her. We understand her potential and her inner resources, what she has already been through, and we know she will not molder behind that counter forever.
There are big revelations here, as the contemporary Freeman uncovers the deceits and treachery within her good Mormon family, especially toward family members who failed to conform to some ideal--including herself.
A compelling story, compulsively readable, and its authorial voice--calm, keen-eyed, gracious but only to a point--still rings inside me. An unusually elegant memoir of a young girl's unique coming of age.
Pub date June 7, 2016
I finished this memoir by novelist Judith Freeman two days ago, and I'm trying to put my finger on why the story of a young girl's coming of age in a Mormon household in Utah during the Fifties and Sixties--a girl who just happens to have become one of our most prominent writers--has so captivated me.
Even more than the story itself, fascinating on its own merits, it was the elegant style of its storytelling, the cool, unexpectedly sophisticated tone. Unlike many a memoir of growing up in a constricting, sometimes dangerous environment, Freeman lets the evidence stand for itself. There's no hyperventilating-- did you see how bad this was? Do you see how nuts this is? Can you believe? Can you imagine?
The events--the dynamics of the huge insulated family, the father's dangerous moods, the religious practices and demands--are presented as they occurred to a girl who accepted this all as normal, and why wouldn't she? Everyone she knew was part of it.
Yet her own feelings tell her--and us--it was hardly normal. I loved that even as child, the author never overrode her own feelings--something that must have been tempting to do, to avoid the painful contradictions. And the power of those feelings slowly, naturally, began to separate her from the grip of family and religion.
Freeman's feeling for the West is exquisite. I loved her childhood on horse back, riding in the hills with her friends, her comfort in nature. We learn what it is to come from a long line of rock-jawed Mormons who pioneered for their religion, the feeling of that kind of connection with the land. Having written about Mormonism not always flatteringly in novels such as The Chinchilla Farm and Red Water--the story of a shocking episode of early Mormon history told from the points of view of four wives of Brigham Young cohort John D. Lee--I was impressed by her even-handedness in her memoir. We're given a picture of a time and a place, and of life within an all-encompassing faith--in its positive aspects as well as its strangeness.
Freeman's memoir presents both sides of such a religion: the solidarity and beauty of religious community, mutual aid, fraternal affection, association with the transcendent; but also the frustration, violence, the demands upon time that could be employed in so many other ways, and most of all, its creepy patriarchy, the virtual blackmail that male elders use to gain power of the pubescent Judith, shaming her for her sexuality and attractiveness to them, which eventually leads her to marriage at 17.
The book opens and closes on a scene of the young woman at 22, already with a baby, a soon to be divorcee working at a Mormon department store and living with her parents. She craves a certain expensive red pot, and eventually she steals the pot. At the start, we have a certain view of this poor girl--pity for her frustration, how trapped and without resources she is. But by the end, we've gained respect for her. We understand her potential and her inner resources, what she has already been through, and we know she will not molder behind that counter forever.
There are big revelations here, as the contemporary Freeman uncovers the deceits and treachery within her good Mormon family, especially toward family members who failed to conform to some ideal--including herself.
A compelling story, compulsively readable, and its authorial voice--calm, keen-eyed, gracious but only to a point--still rings inside me. An unusually elegant memoir of a young girl's unique coming of age.
Pub date June 7, 2016
July 18, 2016
318 pages of therapy.
I wonder what I would think of this book, the writing, without being able to identify so heavily with the author. Raised by Mormon, Utah-born, baby boomer pioneer stock myself (my mother is about the same age as Ms. Freeman and was born and raised in Midvale, Utah), I was immediately trusting of someone whose grandmother also called her husband "Daddy" and whose room where the food storage was kept was called the "fruit room". Someone who had been admonished to always pay tithing on the gross and felt increasingly that marriage would be an escape from, if not the church, at least, her parents/semi-dull constricted LDS life.
While Ms. Freeman was raised in Ogden, and I in Utah County—about thirty years later—much of this memoir was what I'd hoped it would be, which was an honest but not self-indulgent record of what it's like to grow up as a Mormon female, child, teenager, and adult, who is missing two crucial pieces of the path to Utah Mormon woman success—a conviction for the gospel, and trust in male leaders to tell her what she could and couldn't do with her body.
As other reviewers have pointed out, this book kind of became tighter as it went on. The story felt more riveting later in the book. I do appreciate her few but thoughtful references to doctrinal oddities from the time period, such as David O. Mckay's essay on motherhood bringing women to the brink of death, spooky dating rituals, and the general conference talk given that said a young Navajo girl had begun to experience mystical skin-lightening since converting to the church.
The most poignant part of it all, to me, was when the author found and went through her old seminary workbook, decades later. She knew it would be hard, and weird. As she reads her own essays, lists she'd completed to be ready for temple marriage (as she says, what in the world was a sixteen-year-old girl doing worrying about temple marriage?), and feedback from her seminary teacher, she grapples with the difference between the girl that wrote these essays and the girl she felt she was at the time. Polar opposites of each other, really. I identify with that so much. A girl parroting this rather odd view of self-worth and chastity, appearing as if she believes it, when in reality she was happy to be a little rebellious and herself.
Feel especially thankful for the author's classy and pointed explanations of men cornering her from a young age to ask her inappropriate questions about any sexual activity she'd had with boys (even when she never had), flirting with her, staring at her body unabashedly, and the wives of these men, who sat by and reprimanded this behavior when they had the energy. Comparing Mormon men to the "Old Bulls" of polygamous Mormon communities seemed like a stretch, but the more I thought about it, the more the comparison (uncomfortably) clicked for me.
Really enjoyed this.
I wonder what I would think of this book, the writing, without being able to identify so heavily with the author. Raised by Mormon, Utah-born, baby boomer pioneer stock myself (my mother is about the same age as Ms. Freeman and was born and raised in Midvale, Utah), I was immediately trusting of someone whose grandmother also called her husband "Daddy" and whose room where the food storage was kept was called the "fruit room". Someone who had been admonished to always pay tithing on the gross and felt increasingly that marriage would be an escape from, if not the church, at least, her parents/semi-dull constricted LDS life.
While Ms. Freeman was raised in Ogden, and I in Utah County—about thirty years later—much of this memoir was what I'd hoped it would be, which was an honest but not self-indulgent record of what it's like to grow up as a Mormon female, child, teenager, and adult, who is missing two crucial pieces of the path to Utah Mormon woman success—a conviction for the gospel, and trust in male leaders to tell her what she could and couldn't do with her body.
As other reviewers have pointed out, this book kind of became tighter as it went on. The story felt more riveting later in the book. I do appreciate her few but thoughtful references to doctrinal oddities from the time period, such as David O. Mckay's essay on motherhood bringing women to the brink of death, spooky dating rituals, and the general conference talk given that said a young Navajo girl had begun to experience mystical skin-lightening since converting to the church.
The most poignant part of it all, to me, was when the author found and went through her old seminary workbook, decades later. She knew it would be hard, and weird. As she reads her own essays, lists she'd completed to be ready for temple marriage (as she says, what in the world was a sixteen-year-old girl doing worrying about temple marriage?), and feedback from her seminary teacher, she grapples with the difference between the girl that wrote these essays and the girl she felt she was at the time. Polar opposites of each other, really. I identify with that so much. A girl parroting this rather odd view of self-worth and chastity, appearing as if she believes it, when in reality she was happy to be a little rebellious and herself.
Feel especially thankful for the author's classy and pointed explanations of men cornering her from a young age to ask her inappropriate questions about any sexual activity she'd had with boys (even when she never had), flirting with her, staring at her body unabashedly, and the wives of these men, who sat by and reprimanded this behavior when they had the energy. Comparing Mormon men to the "Old Bulls" of polygamous Mormon communities seemed like a stretch, but the more I thought about it, the more the comparison (uncomfortably) clicked for me.
Really enjoyed this.
July 23, 2016
Started out well, at least 3.5 star. She holds detail memory of her childhood in a large family. 7 siblings and she is the 6th in birth order. 6 of the 8 are boys, brothers galore. Her Mormon cultural beliefs and practices in their Ogden Utah town are sheltered and inclusive in some aspects, but in others she has an extensive "outside" environment of horse riding and extended family, as well. So a lot of her morose tone and overflow to "latter days" seemed not all that different than non-religious or other family dynamics of that particular time. Yes, Mormon did define for her.
But the overall memoir is repetitive and in a few directions, just a continuing echo to her own doubts and sadness over the same wrong turns. She's been hurt and never forgets that either. And then her life in her early 20's holds 2 or 3 tragedies which she constantly and consistently tells again. And again. Not making herself a "victim", so to speak, but also CLEVERLY clearly freeing herself from her own path's decisions. In other words, she assumes and determines that she could only "pick" what she did -as if it were preordained. A path that caused her unhappiness and stymied her growth toward writing and autonomy.
What she's very good at in this one, is naming and describing the mores of those exact times. She's accurate. And you did not have to be Mormon, religious, or a daughter of strict or harsh parents to ride the tides of such norms then at all. It mattered what "people thought" and mores, morals, and visible behaviors were not fluid, either. I do remember. And consequences to avoiding norms were far harsher. With more immediate AND increased long term effect in any "value" sense to worth.
But I'm disappointed that she is honest about her regrets, but YET not about her own initiative. She was no mild little maid and never owns that fact, IMHO.
I've never read her novels or fiction work. What caused me to pick this up was the picture on the cover. VERY familiar. My exact era, and the "look" is too.
The order is chronological, but she returns to 3 or 4 key issues upon her son's illness and care years in "other times" than that in which they occur. It never leaves her. Many of us had our own sick children at young ages ourselves. It was not that uncommon. Losing children was far more common as well.
She is not charitable to her parents. Fair maybe, but not charitable. It's good they never got to read this, IMHO. And she is probably accurate about her Dad. Often Dads in her era held roles no longer considered tolerable or kind. But they were considered that then. And he probably did feel highly offended that she writes of her family as being so poor and deprived. He thought he was a more than decent provider and carer.
Also I truly did LOL about her tale of the college courses in MN when she was married and a very young Mom. She calls those times "hard" and tense. And the way she describes the "perverse" dissonance or harshness of the campus! (They actually had uniforms and rules on top of it.) She should have been in Chicago and taken my commute every day. It makes hers look like an afternoon tea party. Same years- 1967-69 too.
I really did LOL too. Without all the sour grapes she exhibits in this report over her "hard times" of the late 1960's. Everything really CAN be relative, it seems.
I'll look her later life up. Wonder if she ever became independent or stayed "away"? This ends before she is even 30 years old for any autobiographical continuance. I could be wrong, but I'd bet a 5 spot that she exited her Mormon or Utah bound life through another man- after it was all said and done. And not on her own solo flight.
But the overall memoir is repetitive and in a few directions, just a continuing echo to her own doubts and sadness over the same wrong turns. She's been hurt and never forgets that either. And then her life in her early 20's holds 2 or 3 tragedies which she constantly and consistently tells again. And again. Not making herself a "victim", so to speak, but also CLEVERLY clearly freeing herself from her own path's decisions. In other words, she assumes and determines that she could only "pick" what she did -as if it were preordained. A path that caused her unhappiness and stymied her growth toward writing and autonomy.
What she's very good at in this one, is naming and describing the mores of those exact times. She's accurate. And you did not have to be Mormon, religious, or a daughter of strict or harsh parents to ride the tides of such norms then at all. It mattered what "people thought" and mores, morals, and visible behaviors were not fluid, either. I do remember. And consequences to avoiding norms were far harsher. With more immediate AND increased long term effect in any "value" sense to worth.
But I'm disappointed that she is honest about her regrets, but YET not about her own initiative. She was no mild little maid and never owns that fact, IMHO.
I've never read her novels or fiction work. What caused me to pick this up was the picture on the cover. VERY familiar. My exact era, and the "look" is too.
The order is chronological, but she returns to 3 or 4 key issues upon her son's illness and care years in "other times" than that in which they occur. It never leaves her. Many of us had our own sick children at young ages ourselves. It was not that uncommon. Losing children was far more common as well.
She is not charitable to her parents. Fair maybe, but not charitable. It's good they never got to read this, IMHO. And she is probably accurate about her Dad. Often Dads in her era held roles no longer considered tolerable or kind. But they were considered that then. And he probably did feel highly offended that she writes of her family as being so poor and deprived. He thought he was a more than decent provider and carer.
Also I truly did LOL about her tale of the college courses in MN when she was married and a very young Mom. She calls those times "hard" and tense. And the way she describes the "perverse" dissonance or harshness of the campus! (They actually had uniforms and rules on top of it.) She should have been in Chicago and taken my commute every day. It makes hers look like an afternoon tea party. Same years- 1967-69 too.
I really did LOL too. Without all the sour grapes she exhibits in this report over her "hard times" of the late 1960's. Everything really CAN be relative, it seems.
I'll look her later life up. Wonder if she ever became independent or stayed "away"? This ends before she is even 30 years old for any autobiographical continuance. I could be wrong, but I'd bet a 5 spot that she exited her Mormon or Utah bound life through another man- after it was all said and done. And not on her own solo flight.
November 27, 2016
"Well done, whoop, whoop, whoop," I cheered ala Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
The circular flow of the book works well. Amazing honesty and details. I am turning 40 soon and trying to understand how Mormonism has affected the trajectory of my life, so this was a great time to read it.
I have to say that when I see some of the nastier comments, I wonder if they're from relatives who prefer a different narrative. Such is the life of a Utahn writer.
The circular flow of the book works well. Amazing honesty and details. I am turning 40 soon and trying to understand how Mormonism has affected the trajectory of my life, so this was a great time to read it.
I have to say that when I see some of the nastier comments, I wonder if they're from relatives who prefer a different narrative. Such is the life of a Utahn writer.
June 23, 2016
I wish I could give this 3.5 stars instead.
I was really looking forward to reading this book, as I am really interested in reading about others who have struggled with their faith, especially Mormonism. I was led by Joanna Brooks' blurb on her Facebook page about this book, and was really eager to read it.
What I liked about the book:
It's definitely NOT a bitter, hateful, spiteful book about being raised Mormon. I know there are a lot of people out there who have been hurt by "the Church", and have an axe to grind with the Church as a whole; while they certainly have a right to feel hurt, nothing good is accomplished through anger. Rather, this is an autobiography about someone who just happened to be raised Mormon, and she navigates the reader through the normal ups and downs of growing from a child to an adult. I guess I was surprised that the book would be written this way.
The author writes with tenderness in regards to her family, however flawed they may be. And she writes excellently about the difficult and heartbreaking years with her son struggling with his congenital heart defect, and she has a great deal of respect for her ex-husband; it's as if she acknowledges how much they relied on each other during that difficult time, though it ultimately wore their marriage down.
What I did not like:
The writing near the end of the book is really, really good. It's very mature in contrast to the innocent, naive, and almost unskilled feel of the first 3/4 of the book. Maybe there is a reason for this, but for a while I had a hard time connecting with the voice of the first parts of the book. After Judy gets older, married, and becomes a mother, mistress, and student is when the voice becomes someone I would really like to learn more about.
I would recommend this for anyone interested, or perhaps has experienced themselves, the rigid cultures and paradigms of a religious upbringing.
I was really looking forward to reading this book, as I am really interested in reading about others who have struggled with their faith, especially Mormonism. I was led by Joanna Brooks' blurb on her Facebook page about this book, and was really eager to read it.
What I liked about the book:
It's definitely NOT a bitter, hateful, spiteful book about being raised Mormon. I know there are a lot of people out there who have been hurt by "the Church", and have an axe to grind with the Church as a whole; while they certainly have a right to feel hurt, nothing good is accomplished through anger. Rather, this is an autobiography about someone who just happened to be raised Mormon, and she navigates the reader through the normal ups and downs of growing from a child to an adult. I guess I was surprised that the book would be written this way.
The author writes with tenderness in regards to her family, however flawed they may be. And she writes excellently about the difficult and heartbreaking years with her son struggling with his congenital heart defect, and she has a great deal of respect for her ex-husband; it's as if she acknowledges how much they relied on each other during that difficult time, though it ultimately wore their marriage down.
What I did not like:
The writing near the end of the book is really, really good. It's very mature in contrast to the innocent, naive, and almost unskilled feel of the first 3/4 of the book. Maybe there is a reason for this, but for a while I had a hard time connecting with the voice of the first parts of the book. After Judy gets older, married, and becomes a mother, mistress, and student is when the voice becomes someone I would really like to learn more about.
I would recommend this for anyone interested, or perhaps has experienced themselves, the rigid cultures and paradigms of a religious upbringing.
January 3, 2017
One sensation reading this book: Well, guess I don't have to write a memoir anymore. That niche of Mormon-raised girl from big family with gay brother who gets married young to an older man and has an affair and divorces three years later and then writes things that make her family mad -- that niche is filled.
Other sensations: what a delight Judith Freeman is. She's lively and honest, confronting Mormonism, patriarchy, and the foibles of memory.
A quote:
"When a writer is born into a family, Czesław Miłosz once famously said, the family is finished. You could forget about having any more secrets. You could forget about hiding what you didn’t want others to know. You were going to be exposed, hung out to air, and by a traitor from within.
"But later I wondered, Is it the family that’s really finished or simply the writer’s place within it? Could a family still be a family with parts missing?"
Other sensations: what a delight Judith Freeman is. She's lively and honest, confronting Mormonism, patriarchy, and the foibles of memory.
A quote:
"When a writer is born into a family, Czesław Miłosz once famously said, the family is finished. You could forget about having any more secrets. You could forget about hiding what you didn’t want others to know. You were going to be exposed, hung out to air, and by a traitor from within.
"But later I wondered, Is it the family that’s really finished or simply the writer’s place within it? Could a family still be a family with parts missing?"
July 4, 2016
This book is a departure from my ordinary reading habits. I almost never buy a brand-new book, hot off the presses. In this case, however, I had heard part of public radio interview with the author (on a local show called Radio West). I was intrigued by what I heard, and also by the fact that I already owned a book by Ms. Freeman, called The Long Embrace: Raymond Chandler and the Woman He Loved. (Haven't read it yet, but it looks great!)
I have lived in Utah for about 20 years now, but I have rarely read any books about Utah or the Mormons. So it seemed about time to get started, and this book seemed like a good place to start.
I'm probably not qualified to judge memoirs because that's a form which I rarely pick up. Nevertheless, I'll say that Ms. Freeman writes in a simple, direct, and engaging style. At times, her prose verges on the poetic, especially when her memories or investigations lead to personal revelations.
She has certainly had an interesting life, in spite of all the obstacles that her Mormon upbringing posed. The central, shattering center of her story is the fact that her son born with an extremely serious, congenital heart abnormality. The adventure to save him, while full of adversity and pain, also turns out to be transformative for Ms. Freeman. In arranging for his treatment by specialists in St. Paul, MN, she finds opportunities to explore literature and circulate in non-Mormon culture. I hope I'm not spoiling the book for anyone by mentioning that her son survives his dangerous surgery, and that in the end Freeman escapes her patriarchal roots against all odds.
Overall, an inspiring and satisfying read!
I have lived in Utah for about 20 years now, but I have rarely read any books about Utah or the Mormons. So it seemed about time to get started, and this book seemed like a good place to start.
I'm probably not qualified to judge memoirs because that's a form which I rarely pick up. Nevertheless, I'll say that Ms. Freeman writes in a simple, direct, and engaging style. At times, her prose verges on the poetic, especially when her memories or investigations lead to personal revelations.
She has certainly had an interesting life, in spite of all the obstacles that her Mormon upbringing posed. The central, shattering center of her story is the fact that her son born with an extremely serious, congenital heart abnormality. The adventure to save him, while full of adversity and pain, also turns out to be transformative for Ms. Freeman. In arranging for his treatment by specialists in St. Paul, MN, she finds opportunities to explore literature and circulate in non-Mormon culture. I hope I'm not spoiling the book for anyone by mentioning that her son survives his dangerous surgery, and that in the end Freeman escapes her patriarchal roots against all odds.
Overall, an inspiring and satisfying read!
August 17, 2016
I chose to read this because I knew that there would be commonalities that paralleled my own life. Reading about the daily Mormon rituals brought me back to my own childhood. However, I found myself not liking the character who always deemed herself as an "other." I understand that falling away from the Mormon church may instill that feeling, especially in youth, but it seemed to permeate her entire life. While in reality each individual is unique, the basic human instincts of emotion and pain are shared. Maturity cannot be achieved without such a realization. I feel that her ignorance of being "special" or "different" in some way was infuriating. Probably a weird interpretation of the book but none the less an intrusive rumination.
August 31, 2017
Judith Freeman is ten years older than I am and her family had more money than mine, but I was drawn to this book because it resonated so strongly with my own experience of growing up Mormon in Salt Lake in the 1960s. Identifying strongly with her, I have a hard time judging the book objectively. I liked her; I cared about her; I understood her choices. She was married at a young age and quickly gave birth to a child with serious medical issues. The marriage didn't last because they were too damn young and barely knew each other. I understood her affair with her child's doctor, which should be viewed in the world she was inhabiting in the late 60s/early 70s. Would I read the next chunk of her life? Probably.
June 19, 2016
I think the most apt description of this memoir is "honest." Because the author so bravely and objectively examined her past, she writes honestly in a way I have seldom encountered. The influences of her family, her Mormon upbringing, her marriage and motherhood at an early age are all related without sentimentality, rancor, or embellishment. I responded to her forthright style as many others did; I couldn't stop reading and ultimately found immense satisfaction from having read her story and learned her truth.
July 18, 2016
Well written memoir about a young girl's life, growing up as a Mormon, wanting to rebel, marries at 17, has a baby shortly thereafter who has a major heart defect - and her life goes on from there. Struggling with her son's medical condition, having an affair with his heart doctor, loving her time in MN as a University dorm mother, along with her husband, and being able to take classes and talk with people who are well-educated and interesting, then getting a divorce, and leaves her church. A tough life but she manages to come out of it well.
July 7, 2016
An extra star for all the local (Ogden) interest. She's an excellent writer, and I love how she framed her story with her more current experience. Her story of growing up Mormon and then leaving, mostly because of her negative experiences with family, is a testament to the fact that what goes on in a family is only known to those in the family.
September 16, 2016
A solid memoir about growing up a square peg in a round hole. Judy is born into a Mormon family and early on feels out of place. She deals with questioning family values and childhood religious beliefs in a straightforward and non-judgmental way.
January 1, 2017
You don't often read about Mormon wives leaving their husbands, at least not wives who weren't involved in polygamy. A woman of strength.
October 1, 2018
I have never read any of Freeman's novels so I had no idea who she was. Now I want to read a couple of them due to this memoir.
Freeman grew up LDS in the Sixties. She drifted from the faith increasingly, got pregnant in high school and married the father. Her son was born with a terrible heart condition and the story of his struggles to live are the most touching parts of this book. Out of medical necessity she, her husband and infant son moved to St. Paul, Minnesota to receive treatment. It was here that she had an affair for reasons which are not clear to her, or at least not clear in the book. Life sort of just happens to her. She gets divorced and then re-marries another man--her current husband.
Because I love Utah and Minnesota and know many of the places she mentions in the book, it was fun to read. Her description of Summit Avenue made me sigh and wish I was walking there right now. [Side note-how many books mention Summit Avenue? F. Scott certainly did, and Franzen's "Freedom" takes place right off Summit. Keilor lives there and I bet he has dropped it in to his stories.]
I loved the insider's view of being LDS in the Sixties. I loved her descriptions of the land in Utah and the west. But the book seemed pervaded with melancholy, the affair didn't make sense (not that life ever does), and I came away feeling deflated and sad. I do like her frequent interjections questioning whether what she remembers is accurate, and how she could forget so many important things. At this stage of my life, the fragility and misleading nature of memory is very apparent to me. I read my own journals and marvel at how much I have forgotten, and so I could identify with what she was saying.
I would rate the book higher except for the depressing feeling it left me with. You might not feel the same when you read it, so give it a try.
Freeman grew up LDS in the Sixties. She drifted from the faith increasingly, got pregnant in high school and married the father. Her son was born with a terrible heart condition and the story of his struggles to live are the most touching parts of this book. Out of medical necessity she, her husband and infant son moved to St. Paul, Minnesota to receive treatment. It was here that she had an affair for reasons which are not clear to her, or at least not clear in the book. Life sort of just happens to her. She gets divorced and then re-marries another man--her current husband.
Because I love Utah and Minnesota and know many of the places she mentions in the book, it was fun to read. Her description of Summit Avenue made me sigh and wish I was walking there right now. [Side note-how many books mention Summit Avenue? F. Scott certainly did, and Franzen's "Freedom" takes place right off Summit. Keilor lives there and I bet he has dropped it in to his stories.]
I loved the insider's view of being LDS in the Sixties. I loved her descriptions of the land in Utah and the west. But the book seemed pervaded with melancholy, the affair didn't make sense (not that life ever does), and I came away feeling deflated and sad. I do like her frequent interjections questioning whether what she remembers is accurate, and how she could forget so many important things. At this stage of my life, the fragility and misleading nature of memory is very apparent to me. I read my own journals and marvel at how much I have forgotten, and so I could identify with what she was saying.
I would rate the book higher except for the depressing feeling it left me with. You might not feel the same when you read it, so give it a try.
August 23, 2016
The Later Days by Judith Freeman
Full Disclosure I received this book as a free giveaway through Goodreads. As such when someone gives me a book, and pays to have it shipped to me, I feel more than a little obligation to actually read the book.
I was excited when I got this book for a couple of reasons. One, I grew up around a lot of Mormons, but most of my knowledge of the interior workings and mindset comes second hand and from my own observations. My most vivid memory is of a time at Boy Scout Camp when we were having a discussion on religion – not an official activity but one where just a bunch of us were sitting around talking – and one young man stood up in the middle of the debate and with a full red face proclaimed, “I cannot wait till you die and find out you are wrong!” I always wondered where this vehemence and conviction came from, because no one else I knew (or at least spent any time with) had it. The second reason is a desire of my own to write a memoir, and wanted to see how this author accomplished the task.
There is a blurb on the back cover that states Judith Freeman’s trademark frank and pellucid prose. Wow is that an understatement. She would never use the word pellucid. My own style tends to be not expressed with the same lack of complexity. Blame it on Dante and his need to nest meanings within every line. And while at first I found the prose to be dry and languid, the more I got used to the prose style the more I appreciated its presentation of information. Judith does not do a lot of exposition or analysis of the activities or actions of herself or others; in fact she seems to avoid it – allowing the reader their own.
I feel I did get the answers I was looking for, and feel OK making my own analysis to get there. I defiantly am taking something away with me from this book. It is nice to see a writing style so different from my own that manages to work, and feel I have learned something about my own writing. Like I do not need to have every sentence loaded with multiple meanings and/or interpretation.
One of the things I liked about Judith Freeman’s presentation of information was what I believe to be a conscious effort to avoid the salacious. Both in her personal life, but also with regards to the Mormon Church, and her parents/family. No sensationalism, no judgment, no demonstrative outcry, and no blaming others – but as Joe Friday used to say, “Just the facts ma’am.”
Full Disclosure I received this book as a free giveaway through Goodreads. As such when someone gives me a book, and pays to have it shipped to me, I feel more than a little obligation to actually read the book.
I was excited when I got this book for a couple of reasons. One, I grew up around a lot of Mormons, but most of my knowledge of the interior workings and mindset comes second hand and from my own observations. My most vivid memory is of a time at Boy Scout Camp when we were having a discussion on religion – not an official activity but one where just a bunch of us were sitting around talking – and one young man stood up in the middle of the debate and with a full red face proclaimed, “I cannot wait till you die and find out you are wrong!” I always wondered where this vehemence and conviction came from, because no one else I knew (or at least spent any time with) had it. The second reason is a desire of my own to write a memoir, and wanted to see how this author accomplished the task.
There is a blurb on the back cover that states Judith Freeman’s trademark frank and pellucid prose. Wow is that an understatement. She would never use the word pellucid. My own style tends to be not expressed with the same lack of complexity. Blame it on Dante and his need to nest meanings within every line. And while at first I found the prose to be dry and languid, the more I got used to the prose style the more I appreciated its presentation of information. Judith does not do a lot of exposition or analysis of the activities or actions of herself or others; in fact she seems to avoid it – allowing the reader their own.
I feel I did get the answers I was looking for, and feel OK making my own analysis to get there. I defiantly am taking something away with me from this book. It is nice to see a writing style so different from my own that manages to work, and feel I have learned something about my own writing. Like I do not need to have every sentence loaded with multiple meanings and/or interpretation.
One of the things I liked about Judith Freeman’s presentation of information was what I believe to be a conscious effort to avoid the salacious. Both in her personal life, but also with regards to the Mormon Church, and her parents/family. No sensationalism, no judgment, no demonstrative outcry, and no blaming others – but as Joe Friday used to say, “Just the facts ma’am.”
July 5, 2016
I give this memoir a solid 3-star rating. Among other genres, I love anything written about the West, Utah and LDS themes. Freeman is a really good writer. However, she could have used some fact checking- she quotes Hot Rod Hundley as the radio announcer interviewing Ab Jenkins following a speed record set in 1950. Yet, Hot Rod, (the beloved, long-time radio play-by-play announcer for the Utah Jazz) was a 16 year-old high school student in West Virginia in 1950. In fact, Hot Rod wasn't heard on the Utah air waves until Sam Battistone bought the New Orleans Jazz and brought them to Salt Lake City in 1979. Also, Admiral Byrd could not have "witnessed the sublime spectacle" of the aurora borealis from Antarctica (perhaps she meant the aurora australis). I could go on, but where she needed the most help is with Mormon doctrine. Freeman makes completely erroneous statements, for example, Angel Moroni appearing to Joseph in the sacred grove? She claims her seminary teacher taught white people ("we" Utah high school students) were descended from Nephi? Freeman claims: "To be married in the temple one had to have never had sex." Page 227. That one doesn't even make any sense. Truly, it is an unfortunate stretch to attempt to sexualize baptism because the white baptismal clothes got wet and you could see the kids' underoos through the material. Freeman seems to blame the Mormons (more specifically, Mormon men) for many of her problems, including her lack of reading as a child. I don't know, I think that blame falls on the author herself, or her parents. Considering her family circumstances, the author certainly demonstrates bravery in describing how the traditional 10 Commandments (stealing and adultery, anyway) weren't going to impede her life decisions. I don't at all fault someone for not believing the tenets of a certain faith, in fact, I respect that. However, don't purposely, or carelessly, misstate those same tenets and doctrine. I did enjoy her writing about growing up in Ogden. The sections describing her young son were heartbreaking, and she kept my attention to the very end.
January 31, 2017
2 stars seems harsh (I'd give it 2.5 if I could) but my thought is, "it's ok." I'll give it 3 stars just because she has a lovely style of writing, clean and sophisticated.
I sought this story out to get greater insight into the interesting idea of a religious "culture" (having recently moved to Utah myself) and the author does paint a picture of the oppressiveness that results from a mainly homogeneous society which is influenced and nearly governed by a predominant religion. And yet her tale seems narrow-minded and, to be honest, bordering on narcissistic--a danger to anyone writing a memoir. I can tell she is striving to be honest, to remember things as they really happened, but she seems unwilling to take any personal responsibility for her own lack of integrity or morals. (At some point we all must put on our big girl panties and say, "You know what? I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. That was a bad decision on my part and I suffered the consequences.")
She was a headstrong little girl, unfortunately not a celebrated character trait in the 50's, suffering from an upbringing by a depressed (bi-polar?) abusive father, a dysfunctional and submissive mother and a society that was not dealing with any of these things at the time. Did the Mormon church contribute to her difficulties? Yes, I can see in some ways the culture surrounding the Mormon "standards" would've exacerbated her inner turmoil. But the "leave it to Beaver" generation is full of sad tales of abuse behind closed doors, with or without a religious influence.
The bottom line is that this woman was lying, stealing and cheating her way through much of her youth and young adulthood, searching desperately to feel loved and "special" at the expense of anyone. And whatever reasons were driving that kind of destructive behavior, there doesn't seem to be a moment where she comes to an understanding great enough to take responsibility, much less a peace with her decisions or to feel a remorse and then a "letting go." Instead she seems content to play the blame game, namely pointing at the Mormon religion.
I sought this story out to get greater insight into the interesting idea of a religious "culture" (having recently moved to Utah myself) and the author does paint a picture of the oppressiveness that results from a mainly homogeneous society which is influenced and nearly governed by a predominant religion. And yet her tale seems narrow-minded and, to be honest, bordering on narcissistic--a danger to anyone writing a memoir. I can tell she is striving to be honest, to remember things as they really happened, but she seems unwilling to take any personal responsibility for her own lack of integrity or morals. (At some point we all must put on our big girl panties and say, "You know what? I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. That was a bad decision on my part and I suffered the consequences.")
She was a headstrong little girl, unfortunately not a celebrated character trait in the 50's, suffering from an upbringing by a depressed (bi-polar?) abusive father, a dysfunctional and submissive mother and a society that was not dealing with any of these things at the time. Did the Mormon church contribute to her difficulties? Yes, I can see in some ways the culture surrounding the Mormon "standards" would've exacerbated her inner turmoil. But the "leave it to Beaver" generation is full of sad tales of abuse behind closed doors, with or without a religious influence.
The bottom line is that this woman was lying, stealing and cheating her way through much of her youth and young adulthood, searching desperately to feel loved and "special" at the expense of anyone. And whatever reasons were driving that kind of destructive behavior, there doesn't seem to be a moment where she comes to an understanding great enough to take responsibility, much less a peace with her decisions or to feel a remorse and then a "letting go." Instead she seems content to play the blame game, namely pointing at the Mormon religion.
February 12, 2017
Judith Freeman's writing captivated me from the beginning of the telling of her story. She has become what she wanted to be: a writer. Not only does she have a story to tell, she tells it well. Perhaps, I will not be able to write an objective review about a book which I could relate to on so many levels
Judith Freeman was born a year after I was into the cradle of a community that I would enter when I was twenty-one. Her descriptions of the neighborhood and surrounding area where she lived as a child brought back so many memories of the days I too lived near this very same area. In the mid-1960's, it was not far from where she lived that I joined the church about which she writes. That area, that community,was still pastoral in some areas in the sixties. Fruit trees grew, the daffodils bloomed, and one would see the occasional horse kept in the pastures behind the well tended properties of those whose grandfathers and great-grandfathers had lived before them. The bucolic setting where those who were members of the predominant religion of the area lived began to represent the church to which they belonged to me. And so, at an age when Judith left her hometown to go to a new world beyond its borders, I firmly planted myself in the community and church that she left behind.
Judith's story is different from mine, but in so many ways her experiences resonated with me at the deepest level. She is honest and forthright when she writes about everything surrounding her life. She is evenhanded in writing about the church into which she was born. She writes without bitterness, anger, or judgement, about the culture and church into which she was born. It is apparent that she has spent years reflecting about her own experiences. It is also apparent that she has made peace with her heritage and her place in it.
Her hard won voice has been developed into a voice that speaks with eloquence and elegance about her life. Her free spirit has won. She is an inspiration. I applaud her for writing this story, and thank her for it.
Judith Freeman was born a year after I was into the cradle of a community that I would enter when I was twenty-one. Her descriptions of the neighborhood and surrounding area where she lived as a child brought back so many memories of the days I too lived near this very same area. In the mid-1960's, it was not far from where she lived that I joined the church about which she writes. That area, that community,was still pastoral in some areas in the sixties. Fruit trees grew, the daffodils bloomed, and one would see the occasional horse kept in the pastures behind the well tended properties of those whose grandfathers and great-grandfathers had lived before them. The bucolic setting where those who were members of the predominant religion of the area lived began to represent the church to which they belonged to me. And so, at an age when Judith left her hometown to go to a new world beyond its borders, I firmly planted myself in the community and church that she left behind.
Judith's story is different from mine, but in so many ways her experiences resonated with me at the deepest level. She is honest and forthright when she writes about everything surrounding her life. She is evenhanded in writing about the church into which she was born. She writes without bitterness, anger, or judgement, about the culture and church into which she was born. It is apparent that she has spent years reflecting about her own experiences. It is also apparent that she has made peace with her heritage and her place in it.
Her hard won voice has been developed into a voice that speaks with eloquence and elegance about her life. Her free spirit has won. She is an inspiration. I applaud her for writing this story, and thank her for it.
June 24, 2018
Even though the author and I grew up 30 years apart, her story was similar in many ways to my own. The feeling of being trapped in the boring sameness of UT, the patriarchal society that pays little or no mind to women and their ideas, opinions, or futures, the desire to do something, anything, that will set you apart from the rest of the mormons around you and change your fate. Luckily, I did grow up 30 years later, when it wasn't completely out of the question for women to go to college anymore-- and I did, and much like the author, I found a whole new world in which I was able to learn and grow and escape the stranglehold of being mormon once and for all. Luckily also I had a father who was not abusive like her own, and although I didn't get along with my own mother (those chats she describes with her mother felt all-too-familiar for me), my father has always been supportive of me in his own quiet way. I thought this memoir was well-written and insightful, and I appreciated that she was unapologetic even though made quite a few decisions that were not the best (though haven't we all?). She leads the reader through her experiences, and quietly reveals the importance of her life events with subtlety and excellent prose. I also enjoyed the quotes throughout the book from different authors as well as her acknowledgement of the volatile and ever-changing nature of memory. I would definitely recommend this novel, especially to ex-mormons or current mormons who are open-minded (and maybe a little bit questioning about their religion); but I feel that it would be an interesting read to those who have never been mormon as well (there are plenty of explanations throughout for readers who are unfamiliar with the cultish world of mormons).
July 24, 2016
A very good memoir. I think she is fair to the people around her- even her short-tempered father. Having grown up Mormon, but a couple of decades later and without the history of pioneer ancestors, it was interesting to compare/contrast. It captures childhood and the bizareness of looking back on your choices and wonder what you were thinking making big permanent decisions at that time. I didn't grow up in the West and the descriptions of being a "Westerner" were good things for my brain to chew on. I think this book would make a great ward book group (I'll have to suggest it) and create a lot of discussion. I bought this book from a local bookstore that Judith Freeman was visiting and she read from it and signed my copy.
Some warnings: if you are well-versed in Mormonism, you'll notice a few inaccuracies. Eg., the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of LDS (RLDS), now called Community of Christ, never practiced polygamy and in fact, was built around insisting that Joseph Smith never practiced it, though, when the RLDS was presented with evidence, they were humble enough to update their own history and accept Joseph's fallibilities. I believe she was thinking of the FLDS (F is for Fundamentalist), who do practice polygamy (as do other branches of Mormonism).
Anyway, little things like that. I point that one out in particular because I think it's important to get your Mormons straight.
Generally a quick-ish read. I read it mostly on BART in 15/20 minute stints. Will keep on my shelf at home.
Some warnings: if you are well-versed in Mormonism, you'll notice a few inaccuracies. Eg., the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of LDS (RLDS), now called Community of Christ, never practiced polygamy and in fact, was built around insisting that Joseph Smith never practiced it, though, when the RLDS was presented with evidence, they were humble enough to update their own history and accept Joseph's fallibilities. I believe she was thinking of the FLDS (F is for Fundamentalist), who do practice polygamy (as do other branches of Mormonism).
Anyway, little things like that. I point that one out in particular because I think it's important to get your Mormons straight.
Generally a quick-ish read. I read it mostly on BART in 15/20 minute stints. Will keep on my shelf at home.
November 11, 2016
I enjoy reading about other people's experiences and thoughts, so I liked this book. the author was not super negative about all of her experiences associated with growing up in an LDS home. it seemed like she had good memories and feelings associated with some of those experiences. Judith freeman admits that this book is a memoir and subject to possible inconsistency of her own memory. there are some circumstances that she attributes to Mormon patriarchal culture, like most OBs being male and women having very little say in a "birth plan", that I think were common throughout the US during the 60s and 70s and not just in Utah. this is not a great book to learn more about Mormon theology as it is not completely accurate. the author's parents did some things that were difficult for me to read about.
March 24, 2017
Maybe this memoir would be more fascinating to people who didn't grow up in Utah with very similar experiences. She is describing a fairly homogenous society after all. I appreciated her clear writing and that she didn't seem to be particularly angry at the Mormons. She just didn't fit into this culture. (I get it!) But there were a few tics in the presentation of her memoir that I found distracting. She married "her sister's ex-boyfriend." Her parents (really her father) were callous and dismissive of those who didn't fit in. She was a teenage bride. Her memory of all of these events is apparently unreliable. All of these points are brought up a lot. It felt repetitive very early into the book.
July 10, 2016
Judith Freeman was born into a Mormon family in Utah. She received the usual Mormon religious and social training but it did not fit her. Expected to be obedient, unquestioning, and to do what was expected; she was curious, adventurous, and rebellious. For years she felt guilty, shamed, and depressed. She got married at seventeen and gave birth to a son with a serious heart defect. Her marriage fell apart and she fell in love with her son's surgeon but she did not marry him. She did get married later in life.The memoir is mostly "I did this and then I did that" with some insights into her private self and the Mormon religion.
August 15, 2016
I always love to find a book that is well-written and includes Mormon themes. (It's rare.) This one fit the bill. I liked how she reminds the reader how tricky memory can be and shows you specific examples of when she was (or might have been) wrong in her memory of how things happened. The section about her gay brother was less interesting to me, while the descriptions of her childhood and her affair (not a spoiler--she lets you know about this in the first few pages) were absorbing.
July 11, 2016
The author grew up in a large LDS family in the 150's and 60's. With honesty and truth, she slowly unveils the layers of her life, faith and culture in an empathic way. She describes her parents, siblings and how as a child, she always felt different and did not share the fervor others in her midst did for this demanding religion and lifestyle. Beautiful, searing portrait of one woman's journey out of Mormonism to herself.
August 27, 2016
Good writing -- as in her novels. I appreciated the honest-but-not-bitter style of the writing.
I think perhaps the setting was too familiar, so mostly unremarkable to me. I grew up in fairly similar circumstances, although a bit later than the author, so the implications of a mostly monoculture Mormon upbringing were unsurprising to me. Overall I would have appreciated more coverage of the author's adult life.
I think perhaps the setting was too familiar, so mostly unremarkable to me. I grew up in fairly similar circumstances, although a bit later than the author, so the implications of a mostly monoculture Mormon upbringing were unsurprising to me. Overall I would have appreciated more coverage of the author's adult life.
September 2, 2016
Excellent book. Especially the tensions and trials of growing up as a Mormon girl in 1950's and 60's. I did like it better than the novel Chinchilla Farms. I felt that the novel was in some ways exaggerated but the memoir seemed entirely true. I particularly liked the author's doubting of her own recollections and commentary on how memory can be selective.
September 28, 2016
3.5 I'm a sucker for a woman's memoir and this doubled down by involving a Mormon upbringing. Events after her marriage really start to rocket along but I enjoyed the slow, meditative ramble through her childhood and how all the rituals and beliefs chipped away at her sense of self. Interesting
June 26, 2016
An interesting autobiography about a women and her story of leaving the religion she grew up in.
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