Straight Jacket: Overcoming Society's Legacy of Gay Shame

by Matthew Todd

'This is an essential read for every gay person on the planet' - Elton John'A really brilliant and moving read for everybody, especially LGBTQI+ people' - Olly Alexander, star of It's A SinStraight Jacket is a revolutionary clarion call for gay men, the wider LGBT community, their friends and family. Part memoir, part ground-breaking polemic, it looks beneath the shiny facade of contemporary gay culture and asks if gay people are as happy as they could be - and if not, why not? Meticulously researched, courageous and life-affirming, Straight Jacket offers invaluable practical advice on how to overcome a range of difficult issues. It also recognizes that this is a watershed moment, a piercing wake-up-call-to-arms for the gay and wider community to acknowledge the importance of supporting all young people - and helping older people to transform their experience and finally get the lives they really want.WINNER BOYZ BEST LGBT BOOK 2017SHORTLISTED FOR THE POLARI BOOK PRIZE 2017'Insightful, inclusive, clever and engaging' - Jeremy Langmead'Utterly brilliant' - The Guardian

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Gay, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health

443 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 1, 2012

Reviews

[Chase · Rating 2 out of 5]

Far from a groundbreaking narrative, Matthew Todd's Straight Jacket (2016) is just that: exceptional in accounts of journalism, but the material is far from novel. Todd utilises a common appeal to psychoanalysis, admitting he is not a trained practitioner and prescribing all the same. His reliance upon anecdotes is powerful and engenders meaningful images of ‘authentic queer’ lives, an ontological hinge upon which his psychological thinking wavers. (Never mind that the 'authentic queer self' colludes with his admittedly gay-male agenda.) His diluted psychopathology merely restates thirty years of complex and engaging scholarship on gay and lesbian psychology, updating this material, as it were, for a contemporary and public audience. I push against otherwise 'critical acclaim' to note that while thirty pages of the book provide important resources for sobering up and 'finding your balance', this sort of self-help book for gay men has been elsewhere provided - and with greater nuance.

There is some merit in Todd's call for increasing access to mental and emotional healthcare support; better education about sexual health, STIs and HIV and gay relationships; and the larger vision to create community by way of an LGBT centre in the heart of Soho where alcohol and drugs are not the ostensible enemy that perpetuate our internalised homophobia and shame. His vision for the future is one without the reliance upon cultures of shame, which, in his thinking, have accultured all gay men. Todd seeks to address this socialisation of the 'bad homosexual' by introducing effective 'age appropriate' relationship education in secondary schools and emphasising more 'realistic' representations of gay lives in the gay and mass media. Of course, any keen reader will notice the irony of this good gay/bad gay future.

I fear Todd's damnation of queer art and literature (materials he describes as 'escapism’—art and literature that focalises shame, oppression and hurt) fails to acknowledge what these materials accomplish. Indeed, some of these materials and artists (i.e. Madonna, The Wizard of Oz; his examples) reify normativity, reinscribing shame through a desire to belong. But a careful reader will acknowledge how these cultural forms have multi-varying impacts. Merely pointing out flaws and seizing power by pushing against the 'reality' of shame, at the expense of being 'othered' (in Todd's words) is a simplistic and reductive approach to understanding queer cultures. Conflating engagement with queer artists with escapism is a surface reading of a much deeper engagement with queer affect. We should invite multiplicity. We should encourage queer artists to ruminate upon a variety of other feelings. And we cannot stake a political agenda in the homogenisation of queer art and literature simply for the sake of positive representation. Often, these authors and artists are not speaking directly to homophobia. Even if they are, there's a great deal to learn from the troubled artist who is able to construct an effective narrative about a range of positive and negative emotions, regardless of the (fictional or otherwise) ending.

Straight Jacket receives two stars because Todd’s vision of the future is terminal. While Todd's critique is useful for a white, middle-class audience, his influence gives a cursory glance at the most pressing issues of our contemporary queer community: homeless youth, racism and xenophobia amongst gay men, the gentrification of urban spaces, the (sustained) reduction of queer imaginaries beyond homonormative 'happiness', capitalism... Our future rests in a community politics that does not exist in Todd's periphery, even if he acknowledges the potential for something respectable. Acceptance is not the same as happiness; happiness is much more complex than the reorientation of gay male privilege.

[Leo Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I see I read the version with the more appropriate subtitle!

This is a beautiful, passionately written exhortation for gay men to love themselves more and take better care of themselves.

Gay shame is something I guess I'm still dealing with. Maybe we all are. Even as I wrote this review I was like, "Do I get to talk about it? Will people mind? Will they judge me?" And even yesterday at my filmmaking club I had a weird feeling when someone brought up the fact that I had a husband. There were new members from Turkey, and I scanned my brain for any info of how not cool it is to be gay in Turkey and whether or not that "too early" reveal of my gayness might have scared off great filmmaking collaborators. Like, I'm so sorry my soulmate and I love one another so, you theoretical versions of people from a country I know nothing about.

I guess this book reminded me that in an ideal world this wouldn't be an issue. Meanwhile I'm trying to navigate the realities of living in the actual world. It's true that in Norway the culture is accepting of gay people, because of their almost aggressive assertion of equality amongst all peoples—but the Turkish guys had only been here two months, turned out. I've been here eight years and I still don't know the language, so just how rapidly can you expect people to adapt to new cultures? (Googled LGBT in Turkey: it gets a yike from me.)

Nobody I know works harder than me. If I'm awake I'm working on SOMETHING. Everyone is like, How do you do it? Well, it's mostly because that's when I feel most alive, is when I'm putting myself to use, and I like to do it in various different capacities, often all at once. But is part of that a niggling, "See? See what a valuable member of society I am? What worth I have? What good I do, in spite of that aspect of me that you take issue with?" Yeah, I think it's a little implied. Why should I have to prove my worth like that? That attitude doesn't assume equality. If equal, I should get to piss about as much as everyone else seems to. If we're all equal, not even a gay serial killer should be a slight against our kind, right? There are plenty of straight ones, but nobody's like, "Don't be straight!"

I almost feel like saying my hard work is "gay privilege" because of the free time I have, while lots of my friends and family are having kids now. It's sometimes levelled as a talking point against gay people that we can't make kids. But you won't believe this: I have all the same machinery that a straight guy does!! And I, like he, might decide I do or don't feel like having kids! No, I can't make a kid that is half-me, half my partner—but is that the best kind, really? If you're arguing from a standpoint of "what life is about" and "societal worth", we should probably all be adopting these days anyway. Since gay people probably adopt more, maybe we're better, huh? You're lucky I decide to act like we're all equal, eh?! (Also, that attitude of, "You're lucky I'm treating you equally" that I sometimes come across? Not real equality. If you're acting like you have a power you are choosing to relinquish, and I don't...)

Can we push the debate beyond that pass-the-joint thought experiment where the world is gay and therefore humanity comes to an end? Like, gay people know how reproduction works, you know. We could make more people if we felt like it? Who knows how we got in this situation where everyone is gay, because it’s not a phenomenon that seems to naturally occur beyond like 5-10% of the population, but as soon as we started having kids again, they’d more likely than not be straight, no? Setting aside how many philosophers have made the powerful argument that consciousness is a mistake anyway and we should let ourselves die out, you know? Why is making kids so great? My point is: I am RSVPing "No" to your baby shower :P

I like to think there is a little bit of radical subterfuge in my filmmaking club. I don't know what my Iraqi, Polish or Syrian members think of me, for example—maybe it's fine but I don't want to go there, really, why bother?—but I have made a lovely community at the club from which they benefit. That's pretty cool, and about as political as I can get, really. But I've always thought the strongest political statement any one person can make is by living authentically. If you show the world your truest self, and act like who you are and what you do matters and is valid and has value, you go about life passively implying everything you believe in, and people who accept you have to accept that. And this book will certainly help people achieve that for sure.

Anyway—Matthew Todd is not surprised at the higher rates of low self-esteem in the gay community. It wasn't all that long ago that (inserts obvious example of homophobia we're all well aware of) after all. It's so much in living memory, still. It affected Todd himself. But it's getting better. Slowly. And it will get even better if readers take Todd up on his challenge, to love and look after themselves and those around them. A message no one could take issue with, and which is that much more powerful because of Todd's use of himself as an example, and how passionate about the cause that he obviously is.

Look after your wee selves, everyone. You are all so loveable <3

[Andrew Marshall · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sincere and heartfelt cry to the gay community to come out of denial about the impact of childhood pains on our lives today.

Todd is a journalist and former editor of a glossy gay magazine with lots of pictures of cute and sometime famous people with their shirts off. However, he has a campaigning soul and is concerned about the number of gay deaths from suicide and drug overdoses. He calls it the second health crisis facing gay men - after HIV/AIDS. He is particularly strong on how many gay men use drink to self-sooth the pain of growing up being told who you are is disgusting and loving other men is wrong. Todd writes about his own black outs from drink, how he slowly came to realise that he was an alcoholic and about his recovery. He is also good on the conflict between running a gay magazine (which glorifies sex and superficiality) and understanding that he and his magazine are part of the problem.

Unfortunately, the book is not so strong when he steps away from his personal experiences. He is not a therapist so he quotes 'The Velvet Rage' - the best and most famous book - on the impact of childhood shame on grown gay men, rather than being able to update it (Velvet Rage was written over fifteen years ago) or provide a specifically UK take. A lot of the time, he feels like he is reporting on specific issues - for example, homophobic bullying at school, body image issues - and he explains at the end that a lot of the book started as magazine articles. I'm afraid it shows.

I also found his constant attempts to stop criticism.... 'lot of gay men lead great lives' and 'not everyone but'... became very wearing. This is not a book for EVERY gay man and if you grew up with parents who didn't inadvertently shame you and a school which was positive about being different then you don't need a book any way. If you haven't read Velvet Rage, I would start there but I admire Todd's courage to be so honest and wish him well with his campaign.

[Gerhard · Rating 3 out of 5]

There seems to be a fundamental disconnect between this book’s title, and its relentless focus on the socio-cultural consequences of gay culture being perceived as celebrating “partying as a central tenet of our identity.” You know the drill: sex, drugs, rock ’n roll, P(R)EP, HIV.

‘How to Be Gay & Happy’ does make for necessary, if rather relentlessly sober, reading. But the ‘happy’ bit, which attracted me to read this initially, is a kind of tag-on at the end, as if Matthew Todd realised he either had to change his title, or fob off his readers.

Yes, Todd does apologise practically every couple of pages for painting such a bleak and harrowing picture of the systemic discrimination and psychological disintegration that many gay people continue to be subjected to. This quickly becomes eye-rollingly tedious.

Yes, this has also all been done before, from ‘The Velvet Rage’ by Alan Downs to the 2015 Chemsex movie, which Todd does reference fairly often. Does he add anything new to the debate? I really don’t think so; even his promise of ‘lifting the lid’ on the editorial process at Attitude magazine does not live up to the hype at the end.

What he does achieve quite brilliantly though is a succinct summary of all of our many demons, which will probably make for quite lurid reading for ‘non-scene’ people. Or happy gays, I suppose. If they are out there. Somewhere.

[Barney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite the subtitle 'How to be Gay and Happy', this isn't very happy reading. It's more about the psychological damage being LGBT in today's society does to you. Although I really don't want to say anything bad about this book because it clearly is very necessary and has had a positive impact on some of those who read it, I did find it a bit repetitive, anecdotal and clunky in parts. I would also have loved more focus on the 'happy' bit, which Todd does do in a few chapters at the end - I found the one on how society could be better improved to help LGBT people particularly fascinating, and worthy of a book by itself!

The one thing that has stuck with me since reading it, however, is the impact my growing up gay has had. In the book, Todd quotes a psychologist who basically says the experience of growing up gay is akin to "emotional abuse". While I know I was lucky for a gay kid - I had a very happy, settled childhood and wasn't bullied particularly badly - it's made me reassess the significance of it. For example, as a child I learnt that I was different, to be ashamed of a part of myself, and then how to put on an act to cover it. I watched as LGBT people were mocked and made fun of. On TV I saw LGBT characters get thrown out by their families to die prematurely of AIDs, homophobic violence etc. It made me kind of terrified to go through puberty and to grow up. I think on some level it also prevented me from forming closer bonds with friends because I was spending so much time putting on an act for everyone. It was lonely. A lot of that, and more, has followed me through to my adult life. It's something I'm working on.

[Goodolgab · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it, I totally recommend to read critically whilst reading it.

[Telmo Fernandes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Os dois primeiros capítulos são uma reflexão interessante acerca do impacto da homofobia no crescimento e saúde mental de homens gays ou bissexuais da geração que passou do armário (e nalguns países, das prisões) para a visibilidade, ao mesmo tempo que o HIV quase destruía o caminho para a igualdade. Hoje são outras as questões, incluindo as estatísticas preocupantes de abuso de substâncias (o álcool à cabeça, mas também o chemsex), depressões e suicídios. O terceiro capítulo, sobre caminhos de recuperação, é seguramente bem intencionado, mas carece de leituras complementares e a paleta de recursos do Reino Unido não é seguramente a que podemos encontrar noutros contextos, como o português. Ainda assim, se inspirar alguns de nós para uma mudança, já vale a pena.

[Riktorscale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ive read "The Velvet Rage" by Alan Downs and by and large i found this book built on the ideas covered there. I found much of the stories to be impactful and at times quite troubling. Being gay in a heteronormative society is not easy, but add the macho aggression found here in Australia and it changes it to a very bleak place.

I was at times affected and effected by the plight of the people discussed in the book. It brought back many many memories from my past, not all bad but mainly painful.

My criticism of the book is that the honest portrayal of gay life could well terrify young readers. It did paint a pretty bleak picture, it was honest and accurate but ....

My only other observation was that the first 2/3 of the book explore the issues and really brought up some strong feelings for me. The final part outlines places to seek help (in the Uk) and some ideas for solutions. My problem here is that the solutions posted often were in relation to drug or alcohol related issues. If your issues are in relation to just mental health the suggestions were a lot more limited and sadly less helpful.

As i said to my therapist when discussing how upset parts of the book made me, i really hoped the book would give some innovative new insights to help me. It did a great job of highlighting issues and getting you to consider how these issues impact on your life. It just didn't seem to follow through with solutions from a mental health perspective.

[Greg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tend to agree with Elton John - this 'is' an essential read for gay men. I do get why some people felt the contents of the book didn't live up to the book's subtitle. Maybe that could be changed for a future updated edition or Matthew could write a follow up, which tells more positive stories from members of the community who have gone through recovery and seen its positive effect on their lives. Having seen the destructiveness of the scene first hand, losing loved ones along the way, and going through my own recovery journey — I do feel this is a really important book. I'd read the Velvet Rage (also a great book), but appreciated Straight Jacket being told from the British perspective, which I could relate to personally. I can also honestly say that for years I didn't want to come to terms with my past, and I think that regardless of how troubling the contents of the book are — it's important for gay men to be open and talk about this stuff. How many other writers are facilitating this discussion and keeping it current to what is happening right now? I appreciated Matthew's honesty in sharing his own experiences — it made me realise that I'm not alone, and that there are others out there who want more from life. Thank you! 

[Thomas Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good, puts forward a good hopeful message. I particularly like the approach it took to the topic: looking at individual peoples experiences mixed with the authors.

[Adrian · Rating 3 out of 5]

A rallying call for the 'mainstream' gay man.

It's an ambitious attempt to draw together the ills facing gay men (and lgbt people by extension) currently.

There are a lot of issues with it, of course. I'll note the three that stuck out most for me. Lots of the information presented is anecdotal, but as Todd points out, this is due to a lack of research on the most part, and he does qualify his opinions as opinions. Additionally, the emphasis on personal therapy and twelve step programs are somewhat heavy handed at times, but again, he qualifies why this is the case for him. Third, there is a prurient streak in his discussion of 'heavy' elements of gay sex cultures.

That said, Todd's writing is engaging, his anecdotes and stories compelling, and the section on what we could do as a community and a society is thought provoking at the least. Many of the complaints I hear about contemporary gay life in a Western/Global North context could start to be addressed through some of the solutions he propose if they were to be considered further.

[Amraj · Rating 2 out of 5]

At once radical/transformative yet clumsy/unscientific.

I’m glad to have read the book because it has transformed my thinking on a number of issues that many have been too scared to confront. But I wouldn’t recommend without a word of warning: Much of the book is filled with hundreds of cherry-picked, tragic ‘case studies’ of gay men across a number of issues which are blended with the author's own stories. The author also fails to successfully deliver his promise to set out steps to set free (all) queer people. This is a shame because in my opinion the book’s potential was great.

[Scott Morrison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Didn't quite deliver on its promise

[Gerbrand · Rating 4 out of 5]

332 We can all finally reach out to that little boy or girl inside us who has always been there but, through no fault of our own, didn’t get the help they should have back when they so crucially needed it. How nice, finally to put a hand out to them, a hand that should have been there all those years ago.

Matthew Todd is not a therapist. But in this book he offers a lot of interesting observations. From his own experience, quotes from books, interviews, case studies, etc. Sometimes very recognizable. I have highlighted so many passages in this book! Here is a small selection:

51 On a sunny spring day in 1983, standing outside the school hall next to a climbing frame, the biggest realization of my life hit me like the sky crashing down: the way that I was different and these bad words I kept hearing were linked. Gay. Queer. Poof. Pansy. I suddenly understood: that was me. That was what I was. […] Fighting for survival, I tried to make it go away. If I couldn’t feel those gay feelings, maybe it would mean they weren’t real. So I sank them, like a murder weapon weighted with stones, to the bottom of my psyche, where they remained, submerged, occasionally rising and falling on powerful currents invisible on the surface, but still shaping all that happened beneath. I shut down, not just sexual feelings but all my feelings.

83 We shut ourselves down. We try to bury the part of ourselves that we understand is not acceptable.
In summary, as self-shamed people we will do anything to bury our real feelings, our real identities, our real selves. We come to learn that if we relax to be who we are, then it may give the game away and open us to attack. This all happens at a pivotal time, when as children we should be doing the very opposite: flourishing, developing, our souls singing and expanding and riding free. Instead we attempt to shut down and, because we cannot pick and choose what we suppress, everything is affected – including, for some of us, our emotional development.

[Or as trauma specialist Peter Levine puts it: it is not good when during our childhood we are busy to survive instead of thrive.]

110 A major problem with shutting down or ‘disassociating’ from our feelings is that it doesn’t just block the bad feelings: it blocks the good ones too. You can’t grow emotionally if you can’t fully feel and express your emotions and your authentic self.

123 Often hand in hand with self-obsession comes perfectionism. It is the most common characteristic I have noticed in gay people.

[Perfectionism I learned the other day is a coping mechanism and not a personality trait. As a child it makes us feel safe, worthy and loved. But it avoids us from being our authentic self. It no longer serves us as an adult. But often subconsciously we continue to do it.

[jy · Rating 4 out of 5]

got this book for free! thank you aesop queer library <3

finished it in like three or four sittings lmao i can’t remember. a particularly hard read because of the (often negative) anecdotes that relate to sex, drugs, and alcohol. but still a very good read. had lots of resources and encouraging parts. i feel like the important thing is that it made me reflect on my past gay awakening and how it’s led to my own perceptions of the gay community/experience, so it was quite illuminating in that way. since it was quite uk based, i wish that there was a book like this but tailored more towards an asian audience, but it doesn’t make the book significantly less interesting to read about.

[Logan Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a lot. As part of the LGBTQ+ community I appreciated his research and attention to many of the problems that plague my community. Personally I don’t have quite the same experiences as many of the numerous examples he shows from his own and others’ lives, (which the author reiterates numerous times that not all queer people struggle with these things) but I recognize that it is something that is hurting my community. The history he tells and the perspective from the UK I found very fascinating the similarities and differences between his research and my own anecdotal research among my circle of queer friends in the US. Overall I felt it lacking. Though I enjoyed his finishing section reiterating the importance of being kind and his calling out our community on some hypocrisy.

[Katie B · Rating 2 out of 5]

IN MY DEFENSE the subtitle of my copy is “overcoming society’s legacy of gay shame.”

Yeah this left a lot to be desired. Unless of course you are one of my gay guy friends who I will be shoving this book down your throat because YOU NEED IT in which case 5 stars

[Brian O’C · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started reading this in 2017 and stopped halfway because I found it problematic. It was selected for my book club in July and my assessment worsened. It’s now problematic and dated.

Starting with the positives, it is an incredibly well researched book. It focuses on the humanity and emotion of ‘gay trauma’ through excellent use of anecdotes and interviews with people affected by it.

However, he’s a journalist and editor, not a psychologist. And while he states that fact a few times, large parts of the book are presented as psychoanalysis of a community (even providing what might be interpreted as diagnostic questionnaires).

Like the journalist and editor he is, he looks for ‘the angle’ in all his research. In this case it seems heavily influenced by his own unprocessed shame, resulting in some unhelpful and possibly subconscious value judgements.

[Jack Burrows · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's rare to read a book and sense that it has the power to not just change, but save lives.

Elton John said that this is an essential read for every gay man and I entirely agree. What many gay people often fail to acknowledge (and I include myself in this, until now!) is the inherent shame that comes from growing up gay. All gay people realise from a young age that society is not fully accepting of them, or at least they realise that they don't fit the heteronormative expectations.

Whether you find yourself wholly, partially or slightly within these pages, there's no doubt that all gay people - regardless of gender - will find some facet of themselves. This book made me realise many things, but perhaps more than anything it helped me to recognise, acknowledge and start to process the intrinsic trauma that comes from growing up gay.

This book is predominantly aimed at gay men, written as it is by a gay man drawing upon his own experiences. However, I don't think queer people should feel excluded from this. "Society's legacy of gay shame" could just as easily read "Society's legacy of queer shame" and therefore in this way, "gay" should be seen as the umbrella term.

Straight Jacket is the crutch that all queer people need to set themselves free from this collective trauma. No matter how you live now, how you feel or how you express yourself - and whether you feel no shame or all shame - every queer person will find themselves here. It is, by far, the most important book I have ever read.

[Lúcás de Hóra Ó Huaithnín · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like this book changed halfway through into a completely different book.

While I think Matthew does a good job of describing some underlying problems and issues that a lot of LGBTQ+ people have due to being in the closet and being ashamed for a lot of our lives, he then seems to lose his way a bit when delving into more detailed information about addiction and recovery.

I understand that the link between all types of addiction and other harmful effects an LGBTQ+ person may have after a less than perfect upbringing (especially as Matthew explains that connection so well in the early part of the book), he’s not a doctor or healthcare professional, and so the advice and information given about recovery is very quote -heavy and not exactly groundbreaking.

This is not to take away from the place of love it no doubt comes from, but I personally preferred when he was flexing his journalist muscles and telling me about real life people, showing with proof and stats how a certain type of upbringing can lead to a certain type of problem etc, I just wish he stayed with that rather than veering off course with far too much addiction and recovery information.

I still enjoyed the book and would recommend it to LGBTQ+ people, even if it was a bit too U.K.-focused too.

[Juno Babić · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is some profound messaging in this book but a hell of a lot of blah. It’s directed towards cis gay men with addiction issues in the UK. If that’s not you there’s still plenty to get out of it, but you can skip large chunks that aren’t relevant. The author was the editor of Attitude magazine and references the magazine countless times, which doesn’t add anything but makes the book more boring for people who aren’t familiar. I wish the book went deeper into the experience of shame as a queer person, and how that manifests internally in self hatred instead of focusing on addiction. It does a great job of listing issues at surface level that queer people face, but give it to me deeper baby.

[William Stafford · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is exactly the book I needed to read a million years ago. Timing is everything! Many of the experiences Matthew Todd details herein are all-too familiar, and his analysis of the childhood of gay people rings true. It makes a lot of sense but that doesn't make it any easier to stomach. The latter part of the book, coming after all the horror stories, offers help and reassurance, and this is the section that doesn't hit as hard. Like he says, perhaps we don't want to be helped. Parents of gay children need to read this book too. Everyone ought to read this book. What is clear is what is needed is a major overhaul of the way society (by which I mean, by and large, straight people!) deals with every member of it.

[Rhys Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don't expect to have much fun for the first 300 pages - Todd explores a myriad of issues which disproportionately affect gay men such as homophobia, abuse, drug misuse, alcoholism, HIV/AIDS, and unhealthy relationships with sex and other people. It's not pretty reading, it's harrowing, but it's vitally important to talk about.

When Todd has thoroughly 'rock bottom'-ed us, he launches into his clarion call for the LGBTQ+ community to work to resolve these issues so that we can live the fulfilling and joyful lives which we all deserve. He provides practical advice, moral encouragement, and contact details for organisations committed to helping queer people. In so doing, he illuminates a path to a better future for our community and reminds us that things can get better if we act now.

[Jarkko · Rating 1 out of 5]

En jaksanut lukea loppuun, sain ehkä kolmasosan luettua. Tämä oli kirjoitettu sellaisen ihmisen näkökulmasta, joka on viettänyt vuosia kokaiinin ryydittämissä bileissä Lontoossa ja muissa suurkaupungeissa. Kirjailija nosti esiin tärkeitä pointteja, kuten sen, että seksuaalivähemmistöjen kiusaaminen on ongelma, johon koulujen pitää puuttua yhtä lujasti kuin esimerkiksi rasistiseen kiusaamiseen. Toisaalta Matthew Todd käytti esim. new-age-spiritualismi-huuhaan kruunaamatonta astraalikuningasta Deepak Chopraa lähteenään traumojen aiheuttamiin psykologisiin seurauksiin. Ei jatkoon.

[George Fenwick · Rating 4 out of 5]

very painful and confronting to read in moments but also inspiring and uplifting. There were some moments where I felt Matthew Todd was overly defensive of Attitude, and perhaps a bit simplistic in explaining things like; "people who criticise shirtless covers don't turn out to support the non-shirtless covers," which I think has a foundation of truth but doesn't interrogate the issue much. I guess as an international reader I didn't need him to dwell on that so much; an acknowledgement of the issues was enough. But overall very powerful.

[Liam · Rating 3 out of 5]

According to Amazon, I ordered this book in Jan 2020 and remember reading it during my self-help obsession (lockdown) and leaving the last 3 chapters unread. Upon finishing it, I could see why. A useful read, an updated Velvet Rage, which makes jt more relevant to a Brit in the 2010s. Unfortunately, nothing groundbreaking.

[Mark Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book. Very informative. And very helpful.

[Linn Fossdal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a miracle of a book. It will, quite literally, save and change lives.

Like Johann Hari's books on depression and addiction, The Shining and Doctor Sleep by Stephen King, I will add this to the list of books that I will recommend to anyone who has ever been sick and tired of being sick and tired, no matter why.

I wish I could give more than five stars, this was fantastic.

[Terri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, I’d give this 10 stars if I could <3

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book helped me, I found it moving in places. The core messages of the book are important, and something anyone is struggling to live well in gay culture in any way, is worth reading to realise you are not alone.