I am about to drop the most scathing review of two pages you've ever read in your life. I pulled up the book sample on Amazon for this. Don't read it it's terrible, I put 0 effort into it and I'm embarrassed to be posting it at all.
(Genuine apologies to all the people who love Oliver North and his stories, as well as Oliver North himself. I'm sorry I hated this book enough to drop it ten minutes after picking it up. Not sorry enough to not write this review, but still. Like what you like, I'm glad you enjoyed the book.)
Now, normally I never would have picked this up, but I was at my parent's and didn't have my phone on me and needed to kill a few minutes and this happened to be lying around. Hated it almost instantly. Not because of the story or characters or anything like that. Not because it just "didn't click for me". I take personal beef with the technicalities of how this scene was constructed. This is shoddy craftsmanship and I won't stand for it.
We start with a man named Pierre Sirois being assassinated via poison dart to the neck, followed by his killer and two accomplices making a clean getaway to dispose of the murder weapon by throwing it in the Seine. Seems like it's going to be pretty high action. A thrilling beginning to a high-paced book. Only no it's not, and screw you for thinking it would be.
The first paragraph is pretty decent. (Yes, we're breaking this down paragraph by paragraph, that's how many issues I found.) A bit choppy and stilted, but nothing I couldn't forgive if the rest of the scene weren't also like that. I swear there's not a drop of personality in the whole scene but I'm not going to get into that. The second paragraph, however, decides now is the best time to tell us about Pierre's age, his successful career, his lovely fiance, and her previous ties with the CIA. 25% of the first 100 words of the book are taken up by backstory.
25% of the first 100 words of a successful assassination attempt are taken up by backstory. Not even interesting backstory. We learn he's an investment banker. Cool, I guess? He's getting murdered right now. I feel like this info isn't particularly relevant at the moment. Maybe save that for later, once I can be bothered to give a shit.
Oliver North makes this same mistake several times in this scene, where he chooses a moment that's meant to be fast-paced and gripping as the perfect opportunity to completely stop the action to drop some random exposition. But it's fine. I'm fine. I'm not even mad about it. Not like I know teenagers who can insert information into a story more naturally or anything. It's not like this is storytelling 101: "don't bog the reader down with exposition when you could feed them this same information through characters learning it themselves later on when it's actually relevant" or anything.
Also he refers to the killer as a "shadowy figure", which is fine, and then in the next sentence as the "black-clad perpetrator", which is redundant and boring. It sounds like he pulled out a thesaurus and looked up cool words for "shadowy" and "figure" instead of just saying "the figure". It's not like we need additional physical descriptors. We already know he's shadowy (conjures up an association with the colour black so the reader is already primed to assume that's what the figure is wearing) and we already know he's a perpetrator. There are only three people in the scene, we would know what he meant by "the figure". We don't need the additional descriptors. All it does is add syllables and throw off the cadence. Extra syllables and words like "clad" and "perpetrator" are great for slow paced scenes, but for an action scene it feels like trying to drive with the parking brake half-engaged. It just drags things out. This sentence's get-up-and-go got up and went. Good thing it's not literally the sentence where the killer's making his getaway. That would have been super embarrassing, huh?
That would have been super embarrassing, huh?
Anyway, the killers make their getaway and throw the murder weapon off a bridge. Not sure why it's described like a car chase when they're not being pursued, but fine. I get he was going for high-octane, and a leisurely drive into the night wasn't going to cut it. Might have been more interesting if there was. Y'know. Actually a chase. But fine, I'll let it slide. Dramatic getaway while no one's watching. Sure.
The third paragraph is very important, because it tells us about two young lovers who happened to be making out under the bridge at the time the killer dropped the weapon into the Seine.
... Oh, no, they don't see anything. They hear a splash and then shrug and go back to what they were doing. The paragraph exists to tell us why these two nameless characters are not witnesses and aren't even slightly relevant to anything. The third paragraph is very important, because it's there to accomplish nothing and completely waste the reader's time.
Fourth paragraph the killers head for the highway, and Oliver North takes this moment to let us know that they just so happen to drive past the cemetery where Pierre will be buried. This is approximately where I realized that this book is not written in third-person omniscient POV as I had assumed up to this point. No, it's written from the author's POV. I know this for a fact because of-
Paragraph five through seven. Where the author tells the reader in great detail how it was the Perfect Crime and we should all be so impressed by how clever his villains are for planning it all. In #5, the police find the smoking wreck of the killers abandoned getaway vehicle. The cops decide it must have been, quote: "presumably stolen by drug dealers". (Instead of, say. Dismantled and sold for parts. Also who blows up a vehicle as a way to hide evidence? That's the least subtle thing they could have done. Honestly just drive it off a cliff or into a lake, that would have been less suspect.)
In #6 and 7, the EMTs take Pierre to the hospital and declare that he died of natural causes. Despite the fact that his fiancee watched it happen, and he died so quickly he was dead before he hit the ground. Name one natural cause that could kill a young man in his twenties that quickly, with no prior symptoms. Go ahead. I'll wait. You're really telling me no one suspected foul play?
Don't worry, no one finds the poison dart because it fell out of Pierre's neck when they were loading him in the ambulance. Super convenient. Can you imagine what would have happened if it didn't fall out and the medical examiner found it? Talk about a smoking gun, wowie. Good thing that didn't happen, or they might not have gotten away with it. I love how freaking convenient it is, and how it's being framed as being part of the plan all along even though they in no way could have predicted it wouldn't get stuck in his neck. It should have gotten stuck in his neck, he was shot with it.
Love how the killers staged the perfect crime and got away with it because the witnesses didn't see anything and don't matter and the cops didn't care to investigate the blown up car or the suspicious death of a high-profile individual and the silver bullet just fell out and conveniently got lost before anyone knew to look for it. Super convenient, all that. We're given a story of a perfect crime and the success of it is all hinging on convenience and chance.
It's just sloppy. And I wouldn't be as mad if at least I had fun reading it. If the characters had anything interesting going on or if the scheme was interesting. But it wasn't, they don't, and I didn't.
So.
Not saying I could have done better, but I could have done better. 18 year old me could have done better. I've seen preteens on Wattpad do better. This scene failed as a hook, and convinced me not to give the rest of the book a chance on the off chance this is reflective of the quality of the entirety. If I were North's editor I would have ripped him to shreds over this.
anyway dnf.
(sorry for writing this normally i wouldn't care but it's 1 am and I'm still mad about it LMAO like bro didn't even try, i could rewrite this to be actually interesting and hook the reader and still get all the important info across in like 15 minutes. i'm so angry and i don't care if i'm overreacting to this thing i don't care about i'm still so mad lol he didn't even try)