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Five Marks of a Man: The Simple Code That Separates Men From Boys
What really separates a man from a boy? Is manhood just marked by age, or is there something else that really turns a male into a man?
Brian Tome believes there are five marks that every authentic man in history has displayed, and pursuing them can be life-altering. It's a simple, ancient code that all fathers, sons, and husbands need to know, but is rarely taught. While the world is full of fluffy and confusing ideas about how men should behave, Tome uses his practical experience in leading men to expose the clear, simple truths about what makes men most effective.
Just knowing these five marks, however, is not enough. True transformation comes from aggressively pursuing them in your everyday life.
In Five Marks Of A Man, Tome shows you:
- Why it’s critical to have a vision for your life, and how to make hard choices.
- Why you need to be a protector of people around you.
- How to find a team that will support your goals.
- How to establish a ritual to lead your own son into manhood.
- And much more.
As Tome writes, "I have come to believe that the transition to manhood is not marked by age, it’s about something much more substantial. It’s about your mindset and your actions. It’s about assuming responsibility for your place in the world and stepping into a new reality—one defined by strength, purpose, and a code of honor.”
Through Five Marks Of A Man you will discover a code that great men have followed for centuries. Now, it’s your turn to man up.
Brian Tome believes there are five marks that every authentic man in history has displayed, and pursuing them can be life-altering. It's a simple, ancient code that all fathers, sons, and husbands need to know, but is rarely taught. While the world is full of fluffy and confusing ideas about how men should behave, Tome uses his practical experience in leading men to expose the clear, simple truths about what makes men most effective.
Just knowing these five marks, however, is not enough. True transformation comes from aggressively pursuing them in your everyday life.
In Five Marks Of A Man, Tome shows you:
- Why it’s critical to have a vision for your life, and how to make hard choices.
- Why you need to be a protector of people around you.
- How to find a team that will support your goals.
- How to establish a ritual to lead your own son into manhood.
- And much more.
As Tome writes, "I have come to believe that the transition to manhood is not marked by age, it’s about something much more substantial. It’s about your mindset and your actions. It’s about assuming responsibility for your place in the world and stepping into a new reality—one defined by strength, purpose, and a code of honor.”
Through Five Marks Of A Man you will discover a code that great men have followed for centuries. Now, it’s your turn to man up.
76 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 12, 2016
194 people are currently reading
368 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
April 23, 2019
There are many good aspects to what is written here - the 5 marks are indeed areas that all men need to address. They aren't the only marks of a man, but they are significant.
I was disappointed at several points where Christianity is brought up but seemingly portrayed as a way to help one be a better man without pointing to our need for salvation and redemption. One could follow the advice presented here and be a 'better' man without realizing the need for Christ. Men in particular lean towards self-reliance and so this book had a great platform for bringing out our need for Christ as well as others in community.
I was disappointed at several points where Christianity is brought up but seemingly portrayed as a way to help one be a better man without pointing to our need for salvation and redemption. One could follow the advice presented here and be a 'better' man without realizing the need for Christ. Men in particular lean towards self-reliance and so this book had a great platform for bringing out our need for Christ as well as others in community.
December 8, 2018
Life changing
While I am an adult female reading this book it is still something I should know. I attend Crossroads where Brian preaches and enjoy listening to him. I never felt at home until attending his church. Brian recommended that everyone who attended or was listening to his service download his book (at that time it was free), even the females. He said women should read the book so they know what to look for in a partner and to give the book to the males in their life. I am going to definitely push my brother to read this book as he will significantly benefit from this.
While I am an adult female reading this book it is still something I should know. I attend Crossroads where Brian preaches and enjoy listening to him. I never felt at home until attending his church. Brian recommended that everyone who attended or was listening to his service download his book (at that time it was free), even the females. He said women should read the book so they know what to look for in a partner and to give the book to the males in their life. I am going to definitely push my brother to read this book as he will significantly benefit from this.
September 23, 2019
Required reading for men of faith.
October 7, 2023
Brian lays out biblical truth in practical ways and it exemplifies why God defines what a man is and not our culture. Easy and inspiring read.
February 21, 2025
Good content. I’d use it for a book study with youth. However, his personal ethic involving drinking or other “vices” is loose and I would not want a young person to believe that was okay with God
March 3, 2022
For non-religious / non-Christian readers, it might be hard to get past the religious writing in this book so you can focus on the message. It is a book about how to be a good man written through the lens of Christianity, and while I don't think this book ever felt preachy, a lot of the examples in the book rely heavily on bible stories to the point that I think it could be a distraction to some readers. That's a shame because there is a lot of information here that is really useful.
It feels strange that we need books like this to help men realise what it is to be a man. But in the modern, western world where our culture has been changed so much that some of the notions in this book have fallen out of fashion, or might even be considered toxic in some circles, this book was a breath of fresh air. The interesting thing is that there isn't much new information here (if anything it's actually very old information), but reading it felt revelatory because it speaks to that inner part of most men who know these things instinctively but have been trained to push them aside to meet the modern standard of being a man; a standard that is steeped in political correctness and 21st-century compromises.
It's here where my biases might be showing because over the last five years or so I have been starting to lean towards older ideals of manhood and have come to believe that we have lost something as a society by moving away from these standards. Part of this might just be chalked up to my entering the second half of my thirties, but the old fashioned notion of a stoic gentleman who is respectful, a provider, a protector, and a source of strength for the people around him is something I am increasingly drawn to. Contrast that to the modern notion of sensitive men who are expected to step away from 'archaic' notions of chivalry, playing the role of protector or provider, and I think there is a world of difference that not only leaves men unfulfilled, but also leaves a gaping hole in society that these men used to occupy.
Therefore, I might be guilty of confirmation bias here as a lot of the things in this book were messages I wanted to hear. However, I do think that this is useful information for most men, and at the least, it should get you questioning what it means to be a man which is something that all men should consider at some point. For the fathers out there, it also gets you questioning what kind of man you want to be to your family, and what kind of man you want your sons to become, which are important questions to ask yourself.
So overall this is a thought-provoking book, and for that reason alone I think it's worth picking up. As previously mentioned it relies heavily on Christian stories at times, but they are always in service to the point, not the point itself. This isn't a book about converting you to Christianity, but instead, a man trying to explain his point of view through the medium he is most familiar with. My only real complaint is a lack of obvious structure. Being called 'Five Marks of a Man', I expected there to be five clearly defined points. However, maybe it is because I listened to it rather than read it, but I couldn't name those five points as the messaging in this book all kind of blurred together. However, it is an interesting enough book that I will happily re-read it again in the future with the aim of finding these points, so it's not a big enough flaw for me to dock a star from this review.
Ultimately I think this was a really interesting read and a useful one for most men on the journey to find out who they want to be and how to be a better man, a journey that I would argue should be ongoing for all of us.
It feels strange that we need books like this to help men realise what it is to be a man. But in the modern, western world where our culture has been changed so much that some of the notions in this book have fallen out of fashion, or might even be considered toxic in some circles, this book was a breath of fresh air. The interesting thing is that there isn't much new information here (if anything it's actually very old information), but reading it felt revelatory because it speaks to that inner part of most men who know these things instinctively but have been trained to push them aside to meet the modern standard of being a man; a standard that is steeped in political correctness and 21st-century compromises.
It's here where my biases might be showing because over the last five years or so I have been starting to lean towards older ideals of manhood and have come to believe that we have lost something as a society by moving away from these standards. Part of this might just be chalked up to my entering the second half of my thirties, but the old fashioned notion of a stoic gentleman who is respectful, a provider, a protector, and a source of strength for the people around him is something I am increasingly drawn to. Contrast that to the modern notion of sensitive men who are expected to step away from 'archaic' notions of chivalry, playing the role of protector or provider, and I think there is a world of difference that not only leaves men unfulfilled, but also leaves a gaping hole in society that these men used to occupy.
Therefore, I might be guilty of confirmation bias here as a lot of the things in this book were messages I wanted to hear. However, I do think that this is useful information for most men, and at the least, it should get you questioning what it means to be a man which is something that all men should consider at some point. For the fathers out there, it also gets you questioning what kind of man you want to be to your family, and what kind of man you want your sons to become, which are important questions to ask yourself.
So overall this is a thought-provoking book, and for that reason alone I think it's worth picking up. As previously mentioned it relies heavily on Christian stories at times, but they are always in service to the point, not the point itself. This isn't a book about converting you to Christianity, but instead, a man trying to explain his point of view through the medium he is most familiar with. My only real complaint is a lack of obvious structure. Being called 'Five Marks of a Man', I expected there to be five clearly defined points. However, maybe it is because I listened to it rather than read it, but I couldn't name those five points as the messaging in this book all kind of blurred together. However, it is an interesting enough book that I will happily re-read it again in the future with the aim of finding these points, so it's not a big enough flaw for me to dock a star from this review.
Ultimately I think this was a really interesting read and a useful one for most men on the journey to find out who they want to be and how to be a better man, a journey that I would argue should be ongoing for all of us.
December 14, 2018
My Rating - Put it on your list
Level - Quick, easy, short
Summary
Just as the title says, the author lays out what he sees as the five distinctions of a man. They are that men - have a vision, take a minority position, are team players, work, and are protectors. The book is broken into sections for each mark, each of which is four to six chapters for a total of 24, plus a 'how to read this book', an intro, a conclusion, and finally what he calls an epilogue, but is basically a sales pitch for a camp he runs.
My Thoughts
Writing a book about what it means/is to be a man is problematic. It would be a life goal of mine to write a book for men, but first, I'm not a very good writer, and more important, I think it is basically impossible. Broadly speaking, there are two major errors that, as much as I hate to do this, generally fall on the liberal/conservative spectrum. On the liberal side there is a tendency to downplay or even dismiss the uniqueness of men (this is likely why there are few books from this side), which is neither physically, biologically, or Biblically accurate. On the conservative side you have a the hamming up of things like football, trucks, and Braveheart. While these are all things I enjoy immensely, they having nothing to do Biblical concepts. In reality, that is all marketing.
This book falls, obviously, into the later category. A few examples before I move on to what was good about the book: seemingly the ability to do push ups related to your level of manliness; apparently having a cat is feminine so he makes it clear that not only does he have a dog (which I guess is manly?), but that it is big (extra manly?); camping outdoorsiness also equals manliness (though he isn't nearly as bad as Eldredge); and most egregiously, the shotgun out on the counter for the guy who wants to date his daughter. Good Lord help the insecurities of these men.
I cannot fathom feeling it necessary to bring my shotgun out when Sprout starts dating. What is the implication? That I want to scare you for some reason? That I will literally kill you? The dating(ish) chapter, in the 'protector' section, was so bad that I considered downgrading my rating. He goes on to say that later he took out (for a meal) a guy who wanted to date his second daughter. He talked with the young man about relationship and sex and his daughter, apparently. I find that a little weird, but maybe it is alright, except for one thing, there is no mention what so ever that he had any discussions with his son. Not even a parenthetical, 'as I told my own son'. Nothing. No indication that he has ever discussed dating with his son. Now, maybe I'm too cynical and as it is a book for men, maybe it is implied that he did, but I don't think so. That leaves me with two possible explanations, one, overly cliched writing on manliness stereotyped manliness lead him to just not include it in the book. Two, he proved various liberals, atheist, and other antagonistic to Christianity to be correct in that he only cares about the virginity/purity of his daughters and his son can do whatever he wants. This is incredibly problematic and frustrating.
Men, we have to do better than this cliched nonsense. When we do this we look like a bunch of jackasses. There is nothing Biblical about point a gun a teenage boy who wants to date your daughter, it makes you an idiot (check out our governor elect for more info). If you believe in tying sex and marriage together you need to talk to your own son as well as your daughter (her lady brain can handle it, I promise).
No, back to the review. While that particular chapter was garbage, or a terribly failed attempt, I still like the book for one very major reason - the entire premise is that the opposite of a man, is a boy. Yes, the Tome appears to fall victim to many cliches of supposed manliness, but he never contrast the masculine with the feminine. It is a terrible error for us today to think that what it means to be a man is to simply not be a women. With a three year old and two more on the way, I will need to buy a van. Recently, someone told me not to drive one, because women drive them. No, boys drive unnecessary trucks (what I had before my daughter was born), men drive what is best for their families and don't concern themselves with what boys think they should drive. What women may do has nothing to do with it.
I really appreciate his focus on this aspect, because I think it is true. Now, I don't think every one of his points lines up perfectly, or maybe some points just need a qualification. For instance, a man might often take a majority opinion, you don't take minority opinions just because. So, maybe some clarifying language would be nice, if I'm going to pick some nits.
The strength of the book probably comes in the two sections on team players and work. Maybe the former being the best. He really challenges men to show affection to other men, to have close friends, and to connect with community. I believe that is something that is extremely important, especially in our disconnected world today. He shows how (basically after WW1), men stopped loving each other and bought into the lie of the 'lone wolf'. He has a great point about wolves being pack animals and single ones would likely die quickly. But we believe that being men means being alone, and especially not sharing our lives with other men. This is clearly not even Biblically accurate (he points to David and Paul and the way they wrote about their relationships with other men). I was personally challenged in this section of the book, and I think others will be as well.
Overall, the book is pretty good. Most men will get a good deal of helpful info, though you can probably skip the section on protector, except the finance part. I also believe these books have to be graded on a curve, because they are so hard to pull off. The lazy cliches and over the top stereotypes are just too easy. With that in mind, if you have an interest in working with men or men's ministry, area man, a husband, a father, or are raising a man it is worth putting on your list.
*I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
More reviews at MondayMorningTheologian.com
Level - Quick, easy, short
Summary
Just as the title says, the author lays out what he sees as the five distinctions of a man. They are that men - have a vision, take a minority position, are team players, work, and are protectors. The book is broken into sections for each mark, each of which is four to six chapters for a total of 24, plus a 'how to read this book', an intro, a conclusion, and finally what he calls an epilogue, but is basically a sales pitch for a camp he runs.
My Thoughts
Writing a book about what it means/is to be a man is problematic. It would be a life goal of mine to write a book for men, but first, I'm not a very good writer, and more important, I think it is basically impossible. Broadly speaking, there are two major errors that, as much as I hate to do this, generally fall on the liberal/conservative spectrum. On the liberal side there is a tendency to downplay or even dismiss the uniqueness of men (this is likely why there are few books from this side), which is neither physically, biologically, or Biblically accurate. On the conservative side you have a the hamming up of things like football, trucks, and Braveheart. While these are all things I enjoy immensely, they having nothing to do Biblical concepts. In reality, that is all marketing.
This book falls, obviously, into the later category. A few examples before I move on to what was good about the book: seemingly the ability to do push ups related to your level of manliness; apparently having a cat is feminine so he makes it clear that not only does he have a dog (which I guess is manly?), but that it is big (extra manly?); camping outdoorsiness also equals manliness (though he isn't nearly as bad as Eldredge); and most egregiously, the shotgun out on the counter for the guy who wants to date his daughter. Good Lord help the insecurities of these men.
I cannot fathom feeling it necessary to bring my shotgun out when Sprout starts dating. What is the implication? That I want to scare you for some reason? That I will literally kill you? The dating(ish) chapter, in the 'protector' section, was so bad that I considered downgrading my rating. He goes on to say that later he took out (for a meal) a guy who wanted to date his second daughter. He talked with the young man about relationship and sex and his daughter, apparently. I find that a little weird, but maybe it is alright, except for one thing, there is no mention what so ever that he had any discussions with his son. Not even a parenthetical, 'as I told my own son'. Nothing. No indication that he has ever discussed dating with his son. Now, maybe I'm too cynical and as it is a book for men, maybe it is implied that he did, but I don't think so. That leaves me with two possible explanations, one, overly cliched writing on manliness stereotyped manliness lead him to just not include it in the book. Two, he proved various liberals, atheist, and other antagonistic to Christianity to be correct in that he only cares about the virginity/purity of his daughters and his son can do whatever he wants. This is incredibly problematic and frustrating.
Men, we have to do better than this cliched nonsense. When we do this we look like a bunch of jackasses. There is nothing Biblical about point a gun a teenage boy who wants to date your daughter, it makes you an idiot (check out our governor elect for more info). If you believe in tying sex and marriage together you need to talk to your own son as well as your daughter (her lady brain can handle it, I promise).
No, back to the review. While that particular chapter was garbage, or a terribly failed attempt, I still like the book for one very major reason - the entire premise is that the opposite of a man, is a boy. Yes, the Tome appears to fall victim to many cliches of supposed manliness, but he never contrast the masculine with the feminine. It is a terrible error for us today to think that what it means to be a man is to simply not be a women. With a three year old and two more on the way, I will need to buy a van. Recently, someone told me not to drive one, because women drive them. No, boys drive unnecessary trucks (what I had before my daughter was born), men drive what is best for their families and don't concern themselves with what boys think they should drive. What women may do has nothing to do with it.
I really appreciate his focus on this aspect, because I think it is true. Now, I don't think every one of his points lines up perfectly, or maybe some points just need a qualification. For instance, a man might often take a majority opinion, you don't take minority opinions just because. So, maybe some clarifying language would be nice, if I'm going to pick some nits.
The strength of the book probably comes in the two sections on team players and work. Maybe the former being the best. He really challenges men to show affection to other men, to have close friends, and to connect with community. I believe that is something that is extremely important, especially in our disconnected world today. He shows how (basically after WW1), men stopped loving each other and bought into the lie of the 'lone wolf'. He has a great point about wolves being pack animals and single ones would likely die quickly. But we believe that being men means being alone, and especially not sharing our lives with other men. This is clearly not even Biblically accurate (he points to David and Paul and the way they wrote about their relationships with other men). I was personally challenged in this section of the book, and I think others will be as well.
Overall, the book is pretty good. Most men will get a good deal of helpful info, though you can probably skip the section on protector, except the finance part. I also believe these books have to be graded on a curve, because they are so hard to pull off. The lazy cliches and over the top stereotypes are just too easy. With that in mind, if you have an interest in working with men or men's ministry, area man, a husband, a father, or are raising a man it is worth putting on your list.
*I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
More reviews at MondayMorningTheologian.com
February 5, 2019
Five Marks of a Man by Brian Tome
This book shows you some essential things that make a man, a man. What separates men from boys and what it looks like to pursue man hood. The book had short chapters with titles like “Boys want to fit in. Men aren’t afraid to stand out.” And I loved it. Each chapter has 2 thoughts, here’s how the boys do it and how you may be tempted to do it, BUT here’s how MEN do it and why God set you apart as a man to do it.
I really enjoyed the book and was very encouraged by the thoughts and words written. I would recommend this to my friends in hopes that it would encourage them as well. Men need to hear these words and learn the 5 marks. (1) men have a vision, 2) Men take a minority position, 3) men are team players, 4) men work, and 5) Men are protectors.
I received a copy of this book as a part of the netgalley website for my honest review. There was no obligation to write a positive review.
I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars.
This book shows you some essential things that make a man, a man. What separates men from boys and what it looks like to pursue man hood. The book had short chapters with titles like “Boys want to fit in. Men aren’t afraid to stand out.” And I loved it. Each chapter has 2 thoughts, here’s how the boys do it and how you may be tempted to do it, BUT here’s how MEN do it and why God set you apart as a man to do it.
I really enjoyed the book and was very encouraged by the thoughts and words written. I would recommend this to my friends in hopes that it would encourage them as well. Men need to hear these words and learn the 5 marks. (1) men have a vision, 2) Men take a minority position, 3) men are team players, 4) men work, and 5) Men are protectors.
I received a copy of this book as a part of the netgalley website for my honest review. There was no obligation to write a positive review.
I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars.
December 11, 2016
Blown Away
I got this book on Kindle a while back, but I didn't have much expectation for it honestly. I lead a faith-based recovery house (Reset) and I figured I could maybe find a few things that could be used there, but that was about it.
After reading this, I'm pretty sure that this book is going to be required reading for every man that comes into the Reset House. Or at the very least, I will incorporate these Five Marks of a Man into our program.
What I didn't expect was the personal benefit of the book. I was challenged to be the kind of man that God created me to be. I was inspired to impart these five marks of a man into my son in a meaningful and memorable way.
In short, if you are looking for something to help you lead other men better or you're ready to man up, read this book.
I got this book on Kindle a while back, but I didn't have much expectation for it honestly. I lead a faith-based recovery house (Reset) and I figured I could maybe find a few things that could be used there, but that was about it.
After reading this, I'm pretty sure that this book is going to be required reading for every man that comes into the Reset House. Or at the very least, I will incorporate these Five Marks of a Man into our program.
What I didn't expect was the personal benefit of the book. I was challenged to be the kind of man that God created me to be. I was inspired to impart these five marks of a man into my son in a meaningful and memorable way.
In short, if you are looking for something to help you lead other men better or you're ready to man up, read this book.
July 31, 2018
Surely a very useful pick up. I would recommend it as a definite pick-up for any young man, as well as any girl or woman curious enough (like me) to be in on these secrets. It’s also filled with such pleasant life lessons!
May 10, 2023
The author points to great need to help boys transition to manhood. Majority of men never got initiated into biblical manhood as the society and at times the church gives a very distorted picture of what it means to be a man.
May 20, 2021
The 2018 book Five Marks of a Man: The Simple Code That Separates Men From Boys, written by megachurch Pastor Brian Tome, is based on the five phrases in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." Tome translates these five phrases into the five marks of a man: (1) Have Vision, (2) Take a Minority Position, (3) Be a Team Player (Don’t Be A Lone Wolf), (4) Work Hard, (5) Be A Protector. This is certainly not the whole story on what it means to be a man, but Tome's book does offer some wisdom, through stories and a smattering of Bible verses, on how to be a godly man.
In my opinion, Tome’s book was too light on the Bible. On page 79, he says that "it is a lot easier for me to talk about man stuff than deep theology,” and I felt this was a good summary of the entire book. There is a lot of information in this book about what Tome thinks it means to be men (as opposed to boys, which Tome uses as a metaphor for irresponsible males, no matter what their age) but not a lot of solid information from the Bible. While the five marks are based on a Bible verse, as previously mentioned, 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 is not a strong enough foundation on which to build an entire theology of manhood. Thus, this book consists mostly of Tome talking about "man stuff" that sometimes, and sometimes not, has a biblical basis.
Tome talks a lot about how Christianity makes room for some degree of vice, such as smoking and drinking. At one point he says that smoking two cigarettes a day is not any more unhealthy than the typical American diet, implying that smoking isn't a big deal (which is very shoddy reasoning). More than that, Tome is suspicious of a man who never smokes and drinks, and he says other men will be suspicious as well. This is a problem for making male friendships, which I agree with Tome are extremely important for Christian men. One of Tome's good friends Brian Wells never smokes or drinks, but Tome confesses that he was wary of Mr. Wells at first. This is yet again another example of Tome's book resting on his own opinions and observations instead of on biblical truth.
The book would have been stronger if Tome had centered his points squarely on the Bible. For example, in the chapter “Boys Live to Play, Men Play To Live,” Tome derives the importance of play from the story of creation, where for six days God worked creating the world, and then on the seventh day He rested. While I do agree that the creation story mandates rest, it does not mandate play, and for Tome to conflate the two is sloppy exegesis.
Furthermore, in the same chapter, Tome says that the reason the United States is only 14 on the 2017 World Happiness Rankings because men in our country don’t know how to play. His reasoning is a logical fallacy called faulty causality (also called "post hoc ergo propter hoc"), which is when event A, which precedes event B, is falsely concluded to have caused event B. Men's lack of play in the United States hasn’t caused us as a nation not to be happy.
All this is not to argue against play; I am only trying to show that Tome's book is too much of his own opinion and weak on solid reasoning and biblical exegesis.
So, if you are looking for a book that systematically lays out what the Bible says about manhood, this ain't it. Nonetheless, there are nuggets of Biblical truth sprinkled throughout. And I did gain a lot of valuable wisdom from reading this book, such as the fact that lone wolves are sickly, malnourished, and die early, which Tome uses to illustrate our need for "a wolf pack," brothers who will walk with us, rebuke us when necessary, and support us in truth and love. Ultimately, considering the book is short and, with its conversational tone, easy to read, I'd say it's worth reading to learn some things about how to be a better Christian man.
In my opinion, Tome’s book was too light on the Bible. On page 79, he says that "it is a lot easier for me to talk about man stuff than deep theology,” and I felt this was a good summary of the entire book. There is a lot of information in this book about what Tome thinks it means to be men (as opposed to boys, which Tome uses as a metaphor for irresponsible males, no matter what their age) but not a lot of solid information from the Bible. While the five marks are based on a Bible verse, as previously mentioned, 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 is not a strong enough foundation on which to build an entire theology of manhood. Thus, this book consists mostly of Tome talking about "man stuff" that sometimes, and sometimes not, has a biblical basis.
Tome talks a lot about how Christianity makes room for some degree of vice, such as smoking and drinking. At one point he says that smoking two cigarettes a day is not any more unhealthy than the typical American diet, implying that smoking isn't a big deal (which is very shoddy reasoning). More than that, Tome is suspicious of a man who never smokes and drinks, and he says other men will be suspicious as well. This is a problem for making male friendships, which I agree with Tome are extremely important for Christian men. One of Tome's good friends Brian Wells never smokes or drinks, but Tome confesses that he was wary of Mr. Wells at first. This is yet again another example of Tome's book resting on his own opinions and observations instead of on biblical truth.
The book would have been stronger if Tome had centered his points squarely on the Bible. For example, in the chapter “Boys Live to Play, Men Play To Live,” Tome derives the importance of play from the story of creation, where for six days God worked creating the world, and then on the seventh day He rested. While I do agree that the creation story mandates rest, it does not mandate play, and for Tome to conflate the two is sloppy exegesis.
Furthermore, in the same chapter, Tome says that the reason the United States is only 14 on the 2017 World Happiness Rankings because men in our country don’t know how to play. His reasoning is a logical fallacy called faulty causality (also called "post hoc ergo propter hoc"), which is when event A, which precedes event B, is falsely concluded to have caused event B. Men's lack of play in the United States hasn’t caused us as a nation not to be happy.
All this is not to argue against play; I am only trying to show that Tome's book is too much of his own opinion and weak on solid reasoning and biblical exegesis.
So, if you are looking for a book that systematically lays out what the Bible says about manhood, this ain't it. Nonetheless, there are nuggets of Biblical truth sprinkled throughout. And I did gain a lot of valuable wisdom from reading this book, such as the fact that lone wolves are sickly, malnourished, and die early, which Tome uses to illustrate our need for "a wolf pack," brothers who will walk with us, rebuke us when necessary, and support us in truth and love. Ultimately, considering the book is short and, with its conversational tone, easy to read, I'd say it's worth reading to learn some things about how to be a better Christian man.
August 24, 2019
A Must read for those searching for true manhood.
“ But what’s a man , anyway ? ”
This question posed by Sebastian Junger and research results from the effects of absent fathers compiled by the National Fatherhood Initiative show that almost 33% of children in America are living in homes without their biological fathers. The results show that those children are four times more likely to live in poverty, repeat grades, have emotional issues, struggle with depression, and be overweight. Most prison inmates share this statistic as well over anything else. These were the premise for why Brian Tome wrote his book. Brian tackles answering this question by believing that at its root, this is a deep spiritual problem and approaches the problem from that point of view.
Our culture has done a great job hiding the "ancient code" as Brian states it of what is required to become a man. For those that have found the code, this book serves as encouragement to keep the faith, to keep going. In the introduction, Brian lays the foundation to which the rest of the book rests upon. Looking at 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 he describes the five marks of what it means to be a true man. He believes that these verses treat being a man as an ideal to be exalted and attained.
Men Have A Vision
Men Take a Minority Position
Men Are Team Players
Men Work
Men Are Protectors
Each of the these marks make up the rest of the book. Each mark has its own section where there are several chapters attributed to each mark. In each of these chapters he contrasts what it is to be a man and how it looks as a boy. Again, if manhood is what we are striving to become, then the benchmarks he lays out are a good reality check to who we are and what we need to do to move out of boyhood thinking, and the actions that come with that type of thinking. If boys are short-sighted, then men play the long game. At the end of each section, he lays out several questions for personal growth and improvement. Throughout the book he is very open and personal with his walk and struggles in becoming a man, and what that looked like for him and the ramifications for thinking from a boys perspective instead of manning up. He is relatable, creative, sharp witted, and has a strong sense of humor.
The format and style of Brian's writing makes this an enjoyable read for any man. I found myself evaluating my own personal road to manhood on many occasions throughout this book, and challenging myself to rethink how I have been viewing the world around me, my family, my children, my job, and asking myself those tough questions, desiring to obtain what is spoken of in 1 Corinthians. So for me, I would say that Brian hit a bullseye with this book and his purpose in writing it. I would recommend it to men and boys alike to read. I have given it to my boys, and it will be on my list of books to recommend to men looking for an answer to the question posed by Junger.
“ But what’s a man , anyway ? ”
This question posed by Sebastian Junger and research results from the effects of absent fathers compiled by the National Fatherhood Initiative show that almost 33% of children in America are living in homes without their biological fathers. The results show that those children are four times more likely to live in poverty, repeat grades, have emotional issues, struggle with depression, and be overweight. Most prison inmates share this statistic as well over anything else. These were the premise for why Brian Tome wrote his book. Brian tackles answering this question by believing that at its root, this is a deep spiritual problem and approaches the problem from that point of view.
Our culture has done a great job hiding the "ancient code" as Brian states it of what is required to become a man. For those that have found the code, this book serves as encouragement to keep the faith, to keep going. In the introduction, Brian lays the foundation to which the rest of the book rests upon. Looking at 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 he describes the five marks of what it means to be a true man. He believes that these verses treat being a man as an ideal to be exalted and attained.
Men Have A Vision
Men Take a Minority Position
Men Are Team Players
Men Work
Men Are Protectors
Each of the these marks make up the rest of the book. Each mark has its own section where there are several chapters attributed to each mark. In each of these chapters he contrasts what it is to be a man and how it looks as a boy. Again, if manhood is what we are striving to become, then the benchmarks he lays out are a good reality check to who we are and what we need to do to move out of boyhood thinking, and the actions that come with that type of thinking. If boys are short-sighted, then men play the long game. At the end of each section, he lays out several questions for personal growth and improvement. Throughout the book he is very open and personal with his walk and struggles in becoming a man, and what that looked like for him and the ramifications for thinking from a boys perspective instead of manning up. He is relatable, creative, sharp witted, and has a strong sense of humor.
The format and style of Brian's writing makes this an enjoyable read for any man. I found myself evaluating my own personal road to manhood on many occasions throughout this book, and challenging myself to rethink how I have been viewing the world around me, my family, my children, my job, and asking myself those tough questions, desiring to obtain what is spoken of in 1 Corinthians. So for me, I would say that Brian hit a bullseye with this book and his purpose in writing it. I would recommend it to men and boys alike to read. I have given it to my boys, and it will be on my list of books to recommend to men looking for an answer to the question posed by Junger.
December 10, 2018
For some time now I’ve heard that we live in a ‘fatherless generation’. Boys are growing up with no male father figure, or at least no positive male role models. And then we wonder why boys grow physically and chronologically, but so many, well into their adult years, remain boys. When you’re not taught a specific way to do things, you learn piece by piece, and often those pieces become a jumbled mess.
All that to say that when I saw the title The Five Marks of a Man: Finding Your Path to Courageous Manhood by Brian Tome (Baker Books, 2018) I was intrigued. Nor was I disappointed when I got to read the book.
Tome keeps it simple (in fact he even suggests that if you don’t like reading, you can get the main points by reading the introduction and then the first chapter of each of 5 sections). That may be the case, but my advice is to suck it up, learn to be a man, and read the whole book. The chapters a short enough that you could read one or two a day over morning coffee.
Five marks: 1) men have a vision, 2) Men take a minority position, 3) men are team players, 4) men work, and 5) Men are protectors.
In short chapters, each with a title like “Boys are shortsighted. Men play the long game.” Or “Boys want to fit in. Men aren’t afraid to stand out.”, the author treats us to some ideas about the differences between men and boys—that is mature or immature males. He includes some personal anecdotal material that makes this the book that men, and boys, can relate to. He writes in an engaging style, and hits hard when it comes to the need for boys to grow up and become men.
Every ‘man’ who reads the book will immediately understand. The ‘boys’ will have to think a little longer about what Tome is saying. Many men will be glad they had someone to teach them these important lessons, while others will wish that they had had someone in their lives early on who was willing to invest in them, and help them avoid a lot of costly mistakes. Hopefully the men who read this book will be convicted of the need to invest in the life of one of those many immature males
I received a copy of this book from the publisher as a part of their bloggers program. I was asked to provide an honest review, and there was no obligation to write a positive review.
4.5/5
All that to say that when I saw the title The Five Marks of a Man: Finding Your Path to Courageous Manhood by Brian Tome (Baker Books, 2018) I was intrigued. Nor was I disappointed when I got to read the book.
Tome keeps it simple (in fact he even suggests that if you don’t like reading, you can get the main points by reading the introduction and then the first chapter of each of 5 sections). That may be the case, but my advice is to suck it up, learn to be a man, and read the whole book. The chapters a short enough that you could read one or two a day over morning coffee.
Five marks: 1) men have a vision, 2) Men take a minority position, 3) men are team players, 4) men work, and 5) Men are protectors.
In short chapters, each with a title like “Boys are shortsighted. Men play the long game.” Or “Boys want to fit in. Men aren’t afraid to stand out.”, the author treats us to some ideas about the differences between men and boys—that is mature or immature males. He includes some personal anecdotal material that makes this the book that men, and boys, can relate to. He writes in an engaging style, and hits hard when it comes to the need for boys to grow up and become men.
Every ‘man’ who reads the book will immediately understand. The ‘boys’ will have to think a little longer about what Tome is saying. Many men will be glad they had someone to teach them these important lessons, while others will wish that they had had someone in their lives early on who was willing to invest in them, and help them avoid a lot of costly mistakes. Hopefully the men who read this book will be convicted of the need to invest in the life of one of those many immature males
I received a copy of this book from the publisher as a part of their bloggers program. I was asked to provide an honest review, and there was no obligation to write a positive review.
4.5/5
March 4, 2019
Tome writes a good book on what it means to be a man, opposite the stream of American culture. A lot of it is written from personal experience, and can be too "stream of consciousness" (i.e. distracting) at times. Nevertheless, on the whole, it's easily readable, and great for discussion and has good insight.
The 5 marks outline of the book comes from 1 Cor. 16:13-14. Have a vision. Take a minority position. Be a team player. Work hard. Protect those around you.
Man up!
e.g. Men work. Boys don't.
Men keep pushing themselves. Boys coast.
Men build each other up. Boys tear each other down.
Men are active. Boys are passive.
Men run in packs. Boys are lone wolves.
Men aren't afraid to stand out. Boys want to fit in.
Men focus. Boys drift.
Men think long term. Boys live for today.
Men embrace interdependence. Boys crave independence.
Men respect authority. Boys reject authority.
Men are affectionate. Boys hold back emotional expression.
Men serve others. Boys act to serve themselves.
The 5 marks outline of the book comes from 1 Cor. 16:13-14. Have a vision. Take a minority position. Be a team player. Work hard. Protect those around you.
Man up!
e.g. Men work. Boys don't.
Men keep pushing themselves. Boys coast.
Men build each other up. Boys tear each other down.
Men are active. Boys are passive.
Men run in packs. Boys are lone wolves.
Men aren't afraid to stand out. Boys want to fit in.
Men focus. Boys drift.
Men think long term. Boys live for today.
Men embrace interdependence. Boys crave independence.
Men respect authority. Boys reject authority.
Men are affectionate. Boys hold back emotional expression.
Men serve others. Boys act to serve themselves.
November 12, 2022
Somewhat contorted
Ifound it interesting that the author would say in one chapter how his parents let him spend money wastefully while in college, yet, in another chapter how frugal they were and he wasn't given much. ( Not exact words, but it gives the general perspective).
The author did this several times in the book, and frankly I am surprised editors didn't catch this apparent two sided story telling.
Even though those were some glaring inconsistencies in the authors story telling, I found myself generally in agreement with what he was trying to bring to the readeers attention.
While it isn't the best or clearest book on the subject of manhood, I appreciate the generally sound advice the author gives on manhood.
Ifound it interesting that the author would say in one chapter how his parents let him spend money wastefully while in college, yet, in another chapter how frugal they were and he wasn't given much. ( Not exact words, but it gives the general perspective).
The author did this several times in the book, and frankly I am surprised editors didn't catch this apparent two sided story telling.
Even though those were some glaring inconsistencies in the authors story telling, I found myself generally in agreement with what he was trying to bring to the readeers attention.
While it isn't the best or clearest book on the subject of manhood, I appreciate the generally sound advice the author gives on manhood.
February 6, 2021
Yikes
Wow this book is astonishingly sexist and terrible. With some decidedly draconian views on manhood including:
1. Controlling your daughter's dating life.
2. Preventing other men from "hitting on" your wife.
3. Reminding yourself that cheating is bad because there could be consequences (and not because you actually love and respect your partner, that would be ridiculous).
4. All families must be composed of a father and mother.
Just some truly horrifying snake oil for anybody interested in being a part of the world in 2021 and beyond. Skip reading this book and just be a decent human being instead.
Wow this book is astonishingly sexist and terrible. With some decidedly draconian views on manhood including:
1. Controlling your daughter's dating life.
2. Preventing other men from "hitting on" your wife.
3. Reminding yourself that cheating is bad because there could be consequences (and not because you actually love and respect your partner, that would be ridiculous).
4. All families must be composed of a father and mother.
Just some truly horrifying snake oil for anybody interested in being a part of the world in 2021 and beyond. Skip reading this book and just be a decent human being instead.
March 17, 2023
Pros: Practical, frank/direct, and seeking to correct myths going on with what manhood is about. And indeed, challenging the reader to grow by hitting home page after page. Top that off with a slightly humorous style, and it's an enjoyable thing to read and reflect on. (:
Cons: Not a comprehensive review of what makes godly men.. men. The specific five marks discussed in the book are based on a single Ephesians verse that does not mention men directly -- which, is not necessarily bad, it is a great study of manliness based on that verse, but I expected more from the title. Also, there's an ongoing advertisement for "Man Camp", which some might find annoying.
Cons: Not a comprehensive review of what makes godly men.. men. The specific five marks discussed in the book are based on a single Ephesians verse that does not mention men directly -- which, is not necessarily bad, it is a great study of manliness based on that verse, but I expected more from the title. Also, there's an ongoing advertisement for "Man Camp", which some might find annoying.
April 11, 2023
This is a well written book, but it bases a lot of the lessons in the bible. The lessons might be valid, but it rubs me the wrong way when it uses the stories of the bible to confirm that the lesson is valid. To be fair the author also uses a lot of real life cases of men that accomplished much.
It's not for me though, because this book sounds like it pushes religious teachings without that being the point of the book.
If you're a religious person and a christian, you're going to love it. If you're neither, I wouldn't suggest it.
It's not for me though, because this book sounds like it pushes religious teachings without that being the point of the book.
If you're a religious person and a christian, you're going to love it. If you're neither, I wouldn't suggest it.
February 24, 2024
I generally liked this book. The five marks are good, logical, and doable. They also seemed healthy. It resonated with many things I’ve seen and read. I felt like he was dismissive of mainline Christianity. Of hierarchy and doctrine. That felt divisive and weak. Like he hasn’t ever gotten to know a practicing Catholic or to learn about what Catholicism stands for. He could have made all of his points without taking shots.
May 8, 2019
This is a book I’ll probably read over and over. No matter what life stage your in, this book offers a lot of insights on how to be a man of faith in the world. Using a wide range of anecdotes, this books gives you tangible ways to see how the five ways should be applied to your life. It should be required reading for all men
January 5, 2024
I debated between four and five stars with my one hang-up being a seemingly embrace of vices, but I opted to overlook that for the sake of the rest of the book. It had great advice and made me question parts of myself that I knew were lacking but that I couldn't quite explain. I would recommend it to any boy or man.
Read
December 6, 2019Brian is one of the most honest and straightforward speakers and thinkers out there. He's real, he's raw, and just happens to lead one of the largest churches in America. Very solid short book on men and boys.
January 23, 2021
Worth the read
Lot of what the author has to say resonated with me and is a very valid book for and towards becoming a mature Christ follower. Hence my objection that this book is not just for men and these five marks are a mark for any mature follower not just for men.
Lot of what the author has to say resonated with me and is a very valid book for and towards becoming a mature Christ follower. Hence my objection that this book is not just for men and these five marks are a mark for any mature follower not just for men.
September 6, 2023
Not that well written. Poorly contrived and written out points. He calls guys who aren't 'men' names in the book such as loosers (I was thinking, 'but that's who is reading your book'). There were a few good points but I would not recommend reading it.
January 9, 2019
Great quick read...Tome has a unique and realistic perspective on the world that merges faith, manhood, and the memorable tenants that we can easily apply to our lives.
January 17, 2019
Obviously I am not the target audience for this book. However, It was written by my pastor so I decided to read it.
June 7, 2019
This is a really great book and I think every man needs to give it a read. It will challenge you to move from being a boy to being a man in very practical and easy ways.
July 17, 2019
solid self help guide for the boy trying to learn how to be a man.
February 15, 2020
A solid, powerful book for men of faith.
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