Post Grad: Five Women and Their First Year Out of College

by Caroline Kitchener

An honest and deeply reported account of five women and the opportunities and frustrations they face in the year following their graduation from an elite university.

Recent Princeton graduate Caroline Kitchener weaves together her experiences from her first year after college with that of four of her peers in order to delve more deeply into what the world now offers a female college graduate, and how the world perceives them.

Each of the five girls in this diverse group were expected to attend college—but most had no clear expectations for their futures post-graduation. And as Kitchener follows each member of the group, it becomes harder to reduce them to stereotypes, harder either to defend or to judge their choices. Kitchener navigates expertly between the very personal and the wider sociological perspectives as she outlines a chronological year in the lives of all five women, illuminating and clarifying each one of their choices, victories, and foibles.

Both a broad and an intensely individual exploration, Post Grad is a portrait of the shifting environment of that important year after graduation, as well as an intimate look at how a select group of very different individuals handles its challenges—navigating family tensions, relationships, jobs, and that ever-elusive notion of independence. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Biography Memoir, Education, Audiobook, Biography

320 pages, Hardcover

First published April 11, 2017

Reviews

[Ari · Rating 3 out of 5]

IQ "Sometimes she [Denise] had to remind herself that, even though she didn't have a tight group of best friends, she did have a lot of people who cared about her. They were just scattered" (177).

I don't think it's news to anyone that recent college graduates face a lot of anxiety about leaving college, there's excitement and fear combined with the fact that you are leaving a community. But I am glad that this book was written to explore in particular how young women deal with the first year out of college and that the five women in the stories appear to be remarkably candid. Would it have been more interesting if this book chose to profile 5 non Ivy League graduates? Yes. However the author continuously acknowledges the privilege that comes with a Princeton diploma and that 4/5 of the girls grow up in comfortable or extremely wealthy families. Two of the women are women of color and I wish she had pressed them more on the challenges they found in the workplace/post grad life as women of color, while I wouldn't say this narrative is "color blind" (she mentions the family background of Denise, from Cameroon and Olivia who is from Malaysia), she doesn't do much analysis of challenges they faced due to ethnicity as opposed to the author, Alex and Michelle. I also think it would have been interesting to interview a woman of color with non immigrant parents to compare their upbringing, expectations and postgrad experiences. Additionally the book lacks a lot of economic detail, for example I didn't understand the author's income source, yes she writes for a living but how does that work fresh out of college, did she struggle to get by? These are things I would have liked to see her openly delve into but instead she glosses over it to talk about having roommates and then eventually moving in with her boyfriend. I didn't want to assume her family helped her get by but she so rarely talks about her financial struggles that I was forced to draw my own conclusion which does not help this book with charges of elitism.

There is a good deal of statistical analysis in the introduction and throughout the book that helps anchor the personal stories. I did appreciate this book confirming what I've long suspected, women in my generation want committed relationships once they graduate. I had a hard time reconciling the hookup culture portrayed in movies and TV shows with the behavior of all my friends, they have no interest in sleeping around, instead they want stable romantic relationships. And as Kitchener notes this is not to say they want marriage right away, but they do want to start planning and have that aspect of their life figured out while they pursue professional achievement. This was both encouraging (I was right hooray for literary validation) and discouraging (the women agonize for far too long over professional choices due to the presence of their significant others). At the same time there are few mentions of sexual health which I found odd since this topic consumes a lot of time for my friends and I, once you graduate college you still need to have a plan in place for what you want to do if you were to get pregnant or the stress of potentially having a STD. The book's complete utter lack of attention to such a crucial aspect of our lives struck me as odd and I found it off-putting. Similarly not much time is spent on the struggle to make friends in the workplace or outside of it, while the author and Alex work from home, the others do not but they spend more time talking about their partners than they do on friendships outside of the ones from college.

I'm glad this book exists and I would encourage new college graduates to read it, with the caveat that book is not particularly revolutionary in its analysis or the conclusions it draws. It's a great starting point, the idea of re-creating the community-sized hole left in your life once you finish college, but I wanted the author to probe her friends a lot deeper than she did. But these young women are fun to get to know and I wish them all the best and it's enjoyable and relatable to watch them come into their own.

[Eva Dunsky]

This is exactly the book I needed to read right now and I'm so grateful it was written.

[Morgan Jerkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Boy, I wish I would've had this book when I graduated from college back in 2014. Nevertheless, the book shows just how stressful and transformative that first year out of undergrad truly is.

[Maddy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Post-Grad provides an interesting overview of the first year out of college for a group of Princeton graduates, but I don't think their stories could be extrapolated as representative of most new graduates. I wish that Caroline Kitchener had followed women from different universities or more diverse backgrounds. Most of the women in Post-Grad come from wealthy or solidly middle-class upbringings, and money is not presented as a major issue.

I enjoyed Kitchener's examination of the loneliness that comes from uprooting yourself and transitioning into adulthood, but it didn't feel like Kitchener fully acknowledged the privileged situations of most of these women. Honestly, sometimes it was difficult to empathize with their struggles.

Kitchener's motivation for writing the book in part stemmed from an op-ed written by a Princeton graduate counseling young women to prioritize relationships in college. Kitchener wanted to examine the unique paths women chart for themselves at the beginning of their careers given the greater options available to women. The premise of Post-Grad is intriguing, but it ultimately felt like a shallow and flat read.

[vani · Rating 4 out of 5]

i had many thoughts about my life and the lives of my friends as i read this book. it was interesting to see the progression of traditionally speaking high achieving women one year out of college dealing with the challenges of leaving a de facto school/family/family-friend community for the first time in their lives…lol so relatable!!

while i could not relate to all of their challenges the core themes of deciding your priorities, reconciling with the fact that you are changing in ways that maybe don’t align with what your grand plan for life was, realizing that sacrifice and compromise are inevitable, and that you can’t please everyone with the decisions that you make are all concerns/convos i’ve had with people or in my head in the past year so it was an affirming story to follow along to.

ig it is just the beginning or whatever of confusing times yipee twenties alexa play america in ur 20s by winnetka bowling league

[Demi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Few complaints about this book. Still feels relevant even though I'm over a year out (perhaps because graduate school seems like more school and this month marks the start of my more ambiguous post-grad life.) So many highlights of feelings I could identify with - struggling to define Princeton relationships post-Princeton, reflecting on the Princeton environment nurturing this relentless drive to to demonstrate growth and betterment, the struggle to make new friends in a new place, the paradox of when is appropriate to shape your future based on your partner's plans and how that will look to others (haha, just kidding, can't relate), etc.

Thought it was brave for the author to decide to include her own rocky relationship with her parents, especially her mom, and could relate with a lot of those complicated feelings. Also appreciated the author's conscious decision to select her subjects with diversity in mind - they each had their own unique family and professional issues, and yet there were so many similar threads of feelings that cropped up in each of their lives post-grad.

I enjoyed the author occasionally letting in details pertaining to how she collected these women's stories - like how Alex is sometimes painstakingly accurate and candid with everything she's going through, while Olivia completely drops off the radar by the end of the book. I thought Kitchener also inserts a healthy amount of personal commentary while telling their stories, some of it critical and objective (like moments when Olivia seems hypocritical or hyperbolic, or when she notices how future-oriented and future-obsessed Alex is), but some of it very personal (like how she could relate to Denise's anxieties about leaving a perfectly good place that had become a home for a strange new place that supposedly held promise and potential, or how she kept asking Michelle about how she'd sworn off relationships before dating yet another guy).

As much as I'd like to recommend the book to others just out of college, I'm uncertain whether it would be as enjoyable to the non-Princeton alum. The references were easy for me, but Kitchener makes sure to explain references anyways for the non-Princetonian. I feel like some of the toxic college vibes viewed in retrospect would be relatable to any other graduate of a supposedly "elite" school, but I am not sure how much of the book remains Princeton-specific. In any case, the effect for me was added comfort that the complex feelings - loneliness, confusion, conflicted drive, disorientation, questioning measures of self-worth - that follow my college years are experienced by fellow college graduates of a wide variety of backgrounds.

[M.E. Ficarra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend! The first year out of college is a tough one for many women, who may find themselves suddenly removed from the tight-knit communities they developed--but no one really talks about it. Kitchener tackles the experiences of these five women with honesty and empathy, and I am grateful that she has shed some light on this shadowy, confusing, post-college period. At a time when many young women feel isolated, Kitchener shares a simple, but important message: you are not alone.

[Kris (My Novelesque Life)]

DNF @30%

While the premise of the book was super interesting, I found the women they choose to not really be average. I was an average student from a working class family so I could not see myself in the same "angst" as them. I decided to not finish this one as it didn't keep my attention for very long.

***I received a complimentary copy of this ebook from the publisher through Edelweiss. Opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.***

[Quinn Moran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved, loved, LOVED this book! Especially for college women who are nearing the end of their undergraduate experience. The book was following the lives of 5 women, and the stories were real, vulnerable, and relatable. I would recommend it to all of my friends!

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was...alright. While interesting and definitely a different perspective than how my first year out of college went, I wish the book would have focused more on careers and friendships rather than so heavily drifting toward romantic relationships.

[Marianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found this in the Midd library while working at the Chinese School (also wild that the author also is into learning Mandarin) and felt it was suitable for me to read as a woman 1 year out of college, roughly the same age as the author and her friends when the book was written.

I really enjoyed the concept of the book—that is, following the lives of your best friends from college throughout the year after graduation (as well as your own life). Writing about it allowed the author to gain insight into life and see how she and her friends changed when they lost the structure of school that had defined their lives since kindergarten. I also feel that, although as Princeton grads from exceedingly well-off homes, all the women in this book are enormously privileged, their stories can still be read and appreciated by all readers, because the women in the book experience real emotional problems such as: Caroline's relationship with her mom souring due to the man she's seeing, Alex going through a chronic and invisible illness while dealing with her parents' lack of acceptance of her queerness, Michelle realizing that what she's really passionate about is music and how to keep that a part of her life, mental illness, and Denise struggling between perfectionism/external validation and true meaning stemming from her family, partner, and medical work in Harlem.

However, I have some qualms with the book, albeit which are not all the fault of the author or her friends—they're just living their lives, and this book is more like an experiment with no guarantee of a fascinating result. For one, there is not enough introspection in the book. There is some, but the reader is left wondering things such as: How did the problem between Caroline and her mom suddenly seem to resolve itself? Where was the critical conversation that needed to happen? Why do all of these 22-year-olds universally seek romantic and sexual relationships over everything else in their lives? How did Michelle transform from being the worst jazz singer in her conservatory to the best and getting into Banff—what went on behind the scenes in the practice rooms and in her classes? I wanted to hear more inner dialogue and more descriptions of their raw emotions beyond just surface level. I wanted to know more details about the personalities, backgrounds, beliefs, and desires of all these women. I wanted to know more about what Denise was seeing in her medical work to help the disadvantaged in Harlem.

I also felt weird about the inclusion of Olivia's storyline. Olivia comes from one of the richest families in Malaysia, and throughout the book she trashes her family, becomes a sugar baby (to each her own, but it seemed really dangerous), experiments with elite psychedelic drugs in San Francisco (I am not opposed to new drugs being used to cure mental illness because we definitely need more solutions to people's problems, but this just exemplified how much money she has and how inaccessible this kind of practice is to pretty much everyone; it was the same vibes as how Grimes had "experimental eye surgery only available to the super rich" and dated Elon Musk and things like that. It's just a section of society that most people do not have access to and it's bizarre to read about it as part of a "post-grad" book).

I felt that the author's desire to teach English in China also was misplaced at times. But maybe I just have beef with programs that get random white foreigners to teach English places. Idk man.

Also is the author still friends with these women? I'm concerned that this kind of thing could ruin friendships. I'm guessing they all consented and read the book before publication? I hope?

Overall I enjoyed the book and was glad to hear more about people's choices and lives after college. But I think the same project could have been better done by looking at people from a broader range of economic classes, colleges, and value systems. I get that that was not the point though, and it was the author looking at her college friends, which was still cool. She could do a follow-up book in twenty years or so to see where everybody is at then, too.

[Sonya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this in two sittings because I was really eager to find out what happened to the five women after their first year out of grad. I think I was so drawn in by this book because I wanted to read about some sort of neatly packaged understanding of the real world that the women come to a year after college and how the women found their place after a year -- but of course it doesn't work like that and that is not how the book ended. Instead, it was nice to read about how other women make big decisions in a way where they can be both ambitious work-wise but also driven by other aspects of their life. The book got me thinking about internal/external validation and what it means to carve one's "own" path. There was also a decent amount of reflection about graduating from an elite college, but I would have liked to read more about that. I also wish the book talked more about maintaining and developing friendships post grad. Post Grad is certainly not revolutionary, but it will be comforting to flip back through in the future.

[Anindita Mullick · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone that’s currently in that “first year out” period, it was nice to see how much growth people got out of their first year. What was interesting to me was how none of the main women seemed to follow a “typical” post grad career plan (get a job, stay for a few years, then either stay longer or move on).

I liked how it had the different perspectives, and the value in it being Princeton grads is seeing how the assumed to be top students can get in a rut as well.
The exploration into more than their professional careers and into their personal lives was really nice too.

I withheld five stars mainly because while it was a good read, I couldn’t see myself going back to read it again. But overall pretty well written for the five people it followed (and the fact someone started writing it when they were my age is also impressive to think about)

[Claire Middleton · Rating 2 out of 5]

Something tells me Caroline Kitchener would’ve written flaming Daily Prince op-eds on “Why Late Meal Should Be Ended”, “I Like Both Trump and Biden, But I Wish We Had a Candidates Who Was Older”, “Chasing MRS.s degrees: Normalize Princeton Polyamory”, and “Make The Honor Code Stricter, Just Because”

[Brianna Westervelt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This title particularly appealed to me (even before I requested the ARC) because, as I rapidly approach the two-year mark since my college graduation, I was eager to discover how other people my age traversed those initial months and years out of college. And I'm particularly happy to know that I am not alone in my struggles.

From the description and upon reading the introduction, I did not expect this book to have such a narrative. Nonfiction about #postgradlife will surely be about facts and figures, I told myself. However, I was pleasantly surprised with Caroline Kitchener's unique perspective of this particular state-of-being that is not talked about nearly as much as it should be.

Kitchener details the post-grad lives of Denise, Alex, Michelle, and Olivia--weaving her own story into the narrative, as well. And all five of them graduated from PRINCETON. They can't have too many struggles coming out of an Ivy League university, right? Says the girl who graduated from a top state research university in the Midwest. If anything, these Ivy Leaguers should have it better, right? To say that this group had their share of struggles is perhaps a bit of an understatement. Yes, there was some mundane relationship drama that I rolled my eyes a little at (to which I couldn't exactly relate anyway), but there was also fear. Fear is a surprisingly big part of one's initial years after graduation. And I know what that feels like. Once you graduate college, for the first time in your life there seems to be no plan. You don't know where you'll be in three months, in six months, or a year. It's an intimidating prospect, to say the least. But Kitchener marvelously captured that uncertainty and fear we all feel as we depart our university's hallowed halls, no matter the geographic location.

It seems quite an ambitious project to follow the lives--and tell the stories, no less!--of these women in the year after graduating from Princeton. I'm finding it difficult to simply maintain friendships with people from college, much less WRITE and PUBLISH a book about them!

Hats off to you, Ms. Kitchener, as I await your next ambitious project.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author writes about the angst-ridden lives of four female classmates plus herself in their first year after graduating from Princeton in 2014. The book was interesting and a super-fast read, but three out of the five had problems that were either self-initiated or so insipidly first-world that it was hard to be interested or sympathetic. I tried to keep in mind that at age 22, to quote a wise faculty member I know, “They ain’t growed yet” but still they just struck me as spoiled rich kids. The other two were very compelling, and most of the group did gain some maturity and perspective as the year went on.

[Madeline Prebble · Rating 3 out of 5]

Based on the introduction I thought this book was going to be everything I needed right now, but it fell a bit flat for me.

I wish there was less of a focus on romantic relationships, and also couldn’t connect with the very Ivy League American setting. I loved a couple of the girls interviewed but others I didn’t warm up to

[Caitlyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book follows five young women from a variety of backgrounds as they carve out a life for themselves after graduating from Princeton. The writing flowed easily between each woman's story, and it was interesting/a relief to see that even Ivy League graduates can be lost in life immediately following graduation.

However, it may be because this book followed Princeton graduates - a majority who came from incredibly wealthy families - that I had a hard time empathizing with the characters' struggles. Many of the issues these women faced felt not only like first-world problems, but upper class first-world problems. The author told her own post grad story interwoven with the other four graduates, and I couldn't feel bad for her when her mother chose to stay home to care for the author's ailing grandma instead of going to England with the rest of the family to spend Christmas together.

I also felt like compared to some of the issues the other women were dealing with, such as an incurable disease and an eating disorder, the author was trying to make problems out of nothing in her own life to gain the sympathy of the reader. Many of her reactions to her mother seemed over dramatic and premeditated, and I found myself more annoyed than enlightened by what I was reading most of the time.

Regardless, I have to give credit where it's due because the author followed graduates from different countries and classes for this book, so these stories better represent the diverse population of Millennials growing up today and chips away at the preconceived stereotype of Princeton as a WASP-y environment.

[Paul Gaya Ochieng Simeon Juma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very relevant in my present circumstances. Graduation, especially from top schools is always synonymous to success. But what we are not told told is that life outside college is very different from the one in college. They leave the gates of university and go out in search of fame and fortune. They find nothing but poverty.

Our lives after college is one masked ball after another where we have to learn to wear a mask of gaiety over our repeated disappointments, sorrows and sadness. If you meet your former colleagues or classmate, and you suspect that they are in trouble, do not try to console them, they will tell you that they are alright. But, unlike Parisians, if they are successful, congratulate them.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting book about 5 young women in the year after their graduation from Princeton. The author writes about herself and 4 classmates, weaving their family history and time and Princeton into their post- grad lives. The stories are compelling and the author does an excellent job portraying the hope, fears, angst, and joy of her subjects. Nearly thirty five years after my own graduation from an Ivy League institution, I was struck by how much more angst students have about their futures, which I attribute to their experience of living through the Great Recession-but three of the grads were from families wealthy enough to ensure they didn't need to work. A quick read and fascinating.

[Shreya Narayan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book more, and I did like it, but I felt like there wasn’t this one big takeaway. Maybe that’s because as a young professional one year out from graduation but living at home with her parents, YES I am struggling and probably looking to this book to tell me that everyone has this giant happy ending and we’re going to make it out alive. But maybe that’s the point of the book ending on a neutral note - life (and especially your young 20s) is so cyclical and “people get blessed in different ways”.

[Felicia Owens · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't put this one down! I so quickly became so invested and engrossed by these young women's lives. Got me thinking about my post-graduation year in a whole new way. Highly recommend!

[Surbhi L · Rating 4 out of 5]

cathartic

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

too relatable content. didn’t give me the answers or comfort i wanted >:(

[stiggyreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

good audiobook but wish it was less storytelling and more reflective. 3.5 rounded up

[Jo Oehrlein · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can't imagine that Princeton PR is thrilled with the book. I don't think the school was presented in a good light during the book. I guess it's good that I have friends posting from Reunions 2017 this weekend to help balance things out.

I know that she said that she tried to find really diverse people, but in some ways they weren't that diverse. Michelle (jazz singer) and Olivia (documentary producer) were both international students from extremely wealthy families. Of the 5 women, it seems that 4 were going to end up in grad school quickly (Michelle already in conservatory, Alex in the online software engineering program, Caroline/author going to law school, and Denise going to medical school). None of them seemed to have a very strong sense of self and defined themselves in relation to others (even Olivia's rebellion seemed to be about being different than others rather than following her own heart/interests).

I don't understand why Denise didn't wait another year for medical school applications. I know she had started, but she could have not finished and just waited until next year. It seems like it would have been better for the MCAT, better for her work, and better for her personally (she had really just now settled into a community in NYC and now she's leaving....). I do think things will work out well for her, but I was a little weirded out by how worried she was about admitting to people that she was "just" going to Emory.

Olivia is all kinds of messed up. She wants to not be dependent on her parents, but was willing to be dependent on Michael for a long time. She put all that effort into the documentary (she didn't have time to even get a part-time job because she was investing so much time in her documentary) and then just gave it up. She's trying Buddhism, and rationalism, and psychedelic drugs, not to mention going back & forth with that Sugar Daddy thing.

I was trying to figure out if I thought it would be a stronger book if it didn't include the author. I think she let her own thoughts and feelings color a lot of it.

I sort of get her social anxiety and sort of don't (and I do understand that anxiety isn't exactly rational). She intentionally chose a spot in a group house and then hid from all the people. She somehow lived there for 4+ months before realizing one of the others had gone to Princeton with her? (Although in another place, she said everyone else had lived there much longer and already formed their cliques.)

There's all sorts of parental conflict going on. First, Alex, the lesbian daughter of a Southern Baptist minister. Wish that he could have been something more than an emotionally abusive caricature. Then, the author has issues with her mom. Michelle doesn't tell her folks what kind of jazz she's really doing. Olivia hasn't spoken to her parents in years. Only Denise seems to have a good relationship with her parents, and she talks to them far more than average -- it would have been nice to have a more normal relationship represented.

There were several editing errors early on that made me cringe
* geographical instead of geometrical
* tan Microsoft computers (no such thing -- the only Microsoft computers are Surface tablets)
* talking about Harlem public schools -- they're NYC public schools

If this were written about me, then I'd want my name changed because this is just way too much information to be public.

[Lady Brainsample · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really well written. Author clearly states this is about four women from Princeton, but I identified with some of the struggles they talked about and just loved hearing their stories.

[Cecilia Lindgren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved how personal this book became. It started out with statistics and a slight separation from each of the girls in regards to their stories and connection to the author. But by the time you get even half way through the year, you can tell that the author is connecting with these women, across ideologies and life paths, to come together in their first year of freedom and terror. I love that she ended the book by discussing what this year out of college meant for all of them and the fact that this year was just the first of their future. I think, as a recent graduate, this helped terrify and inspire me in equal parts and I highly recommend this book to anyone, recent graduates or not, this book is important to share and recognize that we have all been these 5 women at some point in our lives.

[Angela Palm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Post Grad reveals Caroline Kitchener’s startling facility for journalism through her precise, portrait-like narration of five women’s first independent forays into the real world—including, boldly and necessarily, her own. As each woman navigates family, love, purpose, dependence, and potential, Kitchener traces her own uncertain transitions with the perceptive attention of a memoirist. Ivy League education or no, there’s no prep course for how to cultivate one’s independent identity or how to simultaneously parse parental expectations, personal dreams, and reality’s limitations. Sincere, eloquent, and thorough, Kitchener’s debut is a must read for both parents and grads entering into and emerging from this stage of growth. Post Grad exists in that liminal space of possibility, offering readers the greatest gift: the assurance that the fruits of true self-possession cannot come to bear without risk, false starts, compromise, and reflection. A degree isn’t a life, but rather a passport to a structure against which one’s life will unfold. A life is something else entirely, acquired one good or bad decision, one good or bad moment, at a time. I can't wait to see what Kitchener does next with hers.

[Jim Marshall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Of course, as one reviewer noted, the experiences of these five women in "Post Grad" are not typical. But they are extremely engaging, even gripping, in part because Kitchener so deftly contrasts their experiences with those of other grads, giving the reader a very broad sense of current post-grad life. It bears some resemblance to my own nomadic years following college in the seventies, but only some. Grads still seek success. Many still follow their dreams. And much of their culture, mores and challenges seem familiar. But the world has clearly changed dramatically from my own post-grad life.

My reading preferences are history, economics, philosophy, politics, science and mystery. I'm a law professor who's never watched a soap opera. Yet I couldn't put this book down. My wife insisted I read it because our children are recent college graduates, thankfully now living on their own. Kitchener writes beautifully. I enjoyed every page and feel I have a much better sense of the day-to-day world my kids live in.