Belinda Blinked 1

Belinda Blinked #1

by Rocky Flintstone

This is an alternate-cover edition for B00UO7WOAS.

Belinda Blumenthal gets exciting, sollicited sex regularly, so regularly in fact she makes big bonuses from it. Based in London UK, Belinda works for Steeles Pots and Pans as their world wide Sales Director. Sexually supported by Giselle and Bella her head office colleagues, Belinda always gets the order when it comes down to the bare facts. The client base is large so Belinda has the whole world to fuck and boy does she get stuck into it. This is the first book in the Belinda Blinked series where she gets hired by Tony her Managing Director and then goes on to make some sales headway by bringing on board a large European customer, Peter Rouse, and makes initial inroads to the North American market through Jim Stirling. Read about the sexual conquests these men make and how the mysterious Duchess makes Belinda alive to the sexual fantasies of the hot riding set through supple black riding boots, jodhpurs and leather handled whips....

Genres: Audiobook, Fiction, Erotica, Humor, Romance, Comedy, Adult

59 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2015

About the author

Rocky likes to write in the sun and with a glass of Australian Chardonnay wine in his hand, nothing makes him feel more at home. Based between North East Brazil and Andalucia in Spain he gets to grips with his stories, bringing them to print for his loyal readers who are split equally between those who love and those who hate the books... but as Rocky says, 'it's only human nature... I love you all... jus sayin...'

Warwick said... 'So appallingly written that it almost goes full circle:... one star for this – but in many ways, a star more glorious than the constellations of far greater works of literature.'

Sarah said... 'What a great find! I had been looking for a how-to that struck a chord with me for some time. What better role model for a young woman looking to make it in the business world than Belinda, a strong, empowered career woman headed straight to the top of the pots and pans industry. This manual includes helpful tips on business attire, negotiation techniques, and teamwork building. A must-read for managers and employees alike.'

Belinda Blinked 1 is his first novel of the series and Rocky published his second, Belinda Blinked 2 in summer 2016. Belinda Blinked 3 was published in late May 2017 and since then Rocky has annually published Belinda Blinked 4 and 5 and 6. He's currently writing Belinda Blinked 8; and 9. Rocky has also self published the Belinda Blinked series as paperbacks via Amazon. These are in addition to the original e books.

October 2016 saw the publication of the collaborative effort My Dad Wrote a Porno book between some London media dudes and Rocky based on the words and podcast of Belinda Blinked 1! With rave reviews it's worth a read and is now published worldwide...

The Belinda Blinked Books 1,;2; 3; 4; 5; and 6 have been picked up by the above mentioned London media types and are being distributed as a podcast called My Dad Wrote a Porno with over 330 million... yes 330,000,000 worldwide downloads which has made it an unprecedented success! Its free on your fav podcast app...

Undaunted the London Media Dudes took a lost chapter from the Belinda Blinked series on worldwide tour. USA, UK, Europe and Australia were venues. They sold out all the iconic venues such as the Sydney Opera House, New York Town Hall, The Royal Albert Hall London and The Orpheum Los Angeles. It was so good HBO have commissioned a 60 minute TV special. So if you missed the live tour why not join them for sixty minutes of sidesplitting mirth in 2019. See the podcast and book characters come to life on the stage and learn things about the human body Rocky never thought you knew..... Another world tour in 2022 is now on sale and has a similar format but with new even more dodgy material....

So why don't you buy the books, join in the fun and read along with 'team porno'?' Find the podcast on iTunes or Acast under "My Dad Wrote a Porno" Follow the buzz on twitter or visit Rocky on twitter @FlintstoneRocky

There's also a website www.BelindaBlinked.com and www.RockyFlintstone.com where you can discover more pieces about Rocky and Belinda. Sign up on the website and Rocky will send you extra material which has never been published. jus sayin...

Reviews

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

A real insight into the cut throat world of pots and pans. Lots of tips on business and leadership, and how to get ahead in a man's world. Fascinating revelations into female anatomy, the engineering of the Titanic and what goes on in medium sized mazes.

Stop what you're doing and download 'My Dad Wrote a Porno' podcast right now.

[Libby]

I listened to the podcast 'My Dad Wrote a Porno.' I wasn't going to count this as a book read, but honestly I felt like I put the time, energy and commitment into it. I mean, I don't really know what to say; I can't even give it a star rating. It's a different kind of exceptional.

Please do listen to the podcast - buy a copy and follow along. https://www.facebook.com/dadwroteporn

[Warwick · Rating 1 out of 5]

So appallingly written that it almost goes full circle: one character's nipples are described as being "as large as the three-inch rivets which held the hull of the fateful Titanic together". If you haven't yet listened to the fantastic podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno – which is about this very book – please, please for the love of God go and download it now. Listening to three friends laugh about this around the kitchen table every week (which is what the podcast consists of) has made me miss Britain more than anything else in the eight years since I left.

Five stars for that; one star for this – but in many ways, a star more glorious than the constellations of far greater works of literature.

[Meghan]

Rocky told someone on Twitter that listening to the podcast totally counts as having read it.

What a treat.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever wondered what it takes to get ahead in the pots and pan industry? Or what the appropriate attire is for a tombola? Do you know what the proper protocol is when meeting a naked woman? This amazing novella is equal parts business handbook, female anatomy, and erotica. If you can handle such steamy images as gently sweating, 3 inch Titanic rivets, and plunging pomegranate breasts, then this is the book for you.

But seriously, listen to My Dad Wrote a Porno. Amaze-balls.

[Emilie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I cannot seriously rate this book. Can I? Should I? I have decided to give three stars to acknowledge Rocky Flinstone's idiosyncratic... style;

Entertainment value: ***********
Anatomic accuracy: *
Business Tips: ****

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great find! I had been looking for a how-to that struck a chord with me for some time. What better role model for a young woman looking to make it in the business world than Belinda, a strong, empowered career woman headed straight to the top of the pots and pans industry. This manual includes helpful tips on business attire, negotiation techniques, and teamwork building. A must-read for managers and employees alike.

[Jodie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Riveting.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

A modern classic.

[Laura F-W · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the 'annotated audiobook' version of this: https://www.acast.com/mydadwroteaporno

Actually one of the funniest things I've ever heard. EVER.

"The Duchess stood up and stretched her cramped body. Her nipples hardened with her feeling and they were now as large as the three inch rivets which had held the hull of the fateful Titanic together.”

[Marisa Carpico]

Don't know how to rate this. The actual content of the book is 1 star and even that's generous. The podcast is a 5. Truly one of the funniest things I've ever listened to. Everything from the storytelling to the smut is poorly written, but as long as you don't take any of it seriously, it's impossible not to enjoy this absolute shit show of a "pamphlet".

[Jason Koivu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wouldn't have bothered reading this atrocious stuff if not for the hilarious podcast My Dad Wrote A Porno.

As the title suggests, a youngish man discovered that his father had written a naughty book. He then convinced two mates of his to read along with him. They recorded the readings, which include their commentary on the material, and wrapped it in a nice audio package of episodes lasting approximately 30 minutes each. It's fun, funny, and the perfect work commute-busting material, my friend!

Obviously this is NSFW material...kind of ironic, because most of the sex depicted is work-related. After reading such a statement, you might be surprised to learn that the work in question is not prostitution, but rather about the pots and pans industry. Yes, the lurid pots and pans industry. The sex is supposed to be the focal point, but the plotless story takes the strangest twists and turns. And then sometimes a work meeting is just a work meeting. But even the boring scenes are rescued by the commentary.

Okay, so I didn't technically read Belinda Blinked off the page. I listened to the podcast, but since they read the entire book (pamphlet-thin) over the course of 13 episodes, it totally counts as a book read! I'm torn about my rating. On the one hand, the terrific podcast makes me cry-laugh at times. However, the actual book is terrible! But then, it's so terrible that it's great!

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously 5 star rating! How could I rate it anything lower 😂😂.

“Read” this with the My dad wrote a porno podcast and I was dying laughing. This book is ridiculous, but listening along with all their commentary made it amazing.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

It occurred to me that I have technically read this. Rocky is an all star.

[Charlotte Kersten]

Belinda is the sexually-empowered feminist business icon that we need and deserve. 10/10 pomegranates.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

My recommendation is to read this drunk or high and then listen to the podcast sober.

[Hazel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this book on the hilarious podcast "My dad wrote a porno". My husband thinks I am mad because of all my laughing out loud.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

The podcast was hilarious

[Rocky Flintstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Belinda Pestano....
I can't do the little characters above the word Pestano, but I do know they are important stresses for Spanish readers. Which is why I got this book translated into Spanish... after all, Spanish speakers compose a lot of the world today. It would be foolish to not let them enjoy the wonders of Belinda Blinked. Also a big thank you to my translator Luis Lozano, based in New York, his home country of Puerto Rico gave him the necessary Hootspa to get through this vital task!
Gracias!

[Karen Kosky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Truly a life-changing read. Rocky has an exceptional ability to paint images in your mind that will withstand all attempts to remove them. The liberties he takes with punctuation, grammar, and character names create for an exciting read that will keep you on your toes. Rocky provides an inside look into what I can only assume is an extremely accurate portrayal of the fascinating world that is the high-stakes pots and pans sales industry. Best read with a glass of Chardonnay and commentary from My Dad Wrote a Porno.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

So I listened to the podcast, which TECHNICALLY isn't reading the book, but hey. This was amazing, in a Birdemic/Plan 9 From Outer Space if it were attempting to be sexy sort of way. I haven't been so entertained in a long time. Looking forward to the annotated hardcover :-D Definitely for adults -- unless you're a teen who feels super comfortable giggling at SUPER awkward and poorly written descriptions of sexual activities.

[Richard Gray · Rating 1 out of 5]

1 star for the book, 5 stars for the experience.

After a short debate with my own thoughts, in true Belinda Blumenthal style, I decided to add this to my read list because otherwise it's like Roy Batty's tears in the rain. Listening to the "audiobook" version of this, better known as the My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast, I lived through every stained thong, leather room, muddy swamp, and grabbed cervix. I survived, and this GoodReads entry is my testament to that ordeal.

The book itself makes no literal sense, which is unsurprising at 69 pages. As you know, this is the same shape as a naked lady. At least according to author Rocky Flintstone. Yet Jamie, James, and Alice have raised this to an essential read for our times. The window into the mind of an enigma, and the least erotic book you'll ever read.

[Sissel · Rating 3 out of 5]

To quote another review: "A modern classic"

[Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

TO CLARIFY I am listening to the podcast but that's basically an audio book right XD There's a reason this is one of the biggest podcasts out there, if you're looking to laugh your ass off on the train and get weird looks from everyone listen to My Dad Wrote A Porno, you'll thank me later XD

Fave quote:

"Belinda Blinked"

[bermudianabroad · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm another weirdo who listened to the podcast, and honestly, given the time and effort involved listening to and at times suffering through this....travesty... I deserve to put it towards my goodreads challenge total.

Disturbing and hilarious. Compelling listening but also too awful for a review. Rocky, you tried hard and sometimes there is the barest semblance of a plot, so well done.

[Eline · Rating 3 out of 5]

De afgelopen maand heb ik als een bezetene naar de My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast geluisterd, en wat een wild ride was dat. Heb even getwijfeld of ik dit mee zou laten tellen voor mijn reading challenge, maar die podcast is basically een audioboek dus ik vind het prima.

Dit boek was zo gaar, intens genoten. Zal nooit meer hetzelfde naar doolhoven kijken.

[Jeff · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to it on the podcast My Dad Wrote a Porno. Obviously, it would not be the same just reading it. The Podcast is a treat. If you enjoy British humor (and/or humour) and your mind tilts toward the filthy, you will enjoy the podcast. As for the book (if you want to call it a book), sex has never been described so bizarrely, so humorously, so horribly, so terribly. It's the erotically perverse equivalent of a train wreck. There's so much imagery I want to remove from my mind, yet I can't wait to start listening to the next one.

[Kat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps -- nay, definitely -- more gloriously terrible than Decadent, in that the author has several children but apparently no grasp of female anatomy. But he is a good enough sport to have allowed his son and son's friends to thoroughly roast the book, so maybe buy the book anyway and definitely listen to the podcast, My Dad Wrote a Porno.

[Schyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this book on the first season of My Dad Wrote a Porno. It's a masterpiece. A comedic accident of a masterpiece, but a masterpiece nonetheless.

[sam ~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read via the podcast 'my dad wrote a porno'. Hilarious. Literally laughing like a maniac on the commute into work!