"I Give You My Body . . .": How I Write Sex Scenes

by Diana Gabaldon

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • For writers looking to make sure their next physical interlude on the page inspires readers to share the moment rather than to laugh at it, bestselling author Diana Gabaldon divulges the writing secrets behind the sex scenes in her wildly popular Outlander novels.   “Ask me to your bed,” he said. “I shall come to ye.”   In this revealing compendium, acclaimed writer Diana Gabaldon shares her invaluable lessons for creating an immersive reading experience, from evoking a mood to using the power of emotions to communicate physical intimacy. You’ll learn the difference between gratuitous sex and genuine encounters that move the story forward, and how to handle less-than-savory acts that nevertheless serve a narrative purpose. Gabaldon also notes that sex can be conveyed instead of described. With such tips as “The Rule of Three” for involving the senses, handy lists of naughty euphemisms (with instructions for use), and Gabaldon’s own examples from the Outlander novels, “I Give You My Body . . .” is a master class in writing to draw readers in and keep them riveted to the page.

Genres: Writing, Nonfiction, Reference, Romance, Audiobook, Outlander, Crafts

124 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 1, 2016

About the author

Diana Jean Gabaldon Watkins grew up in Flagstaff, Arizona and is of Hispanic and English descent (with a dash of Native American and Sephardic Jew). She has earned three degrees: a B.S. in Zoology, a M.S. in Marine Biology, and a Ph.D in Ecology, plus an Honorary Doctorate from the University of Glasgow, for services to Scottish Literature.

She currently lives in Scottsdale, Arizona .

Reviews

[Emma Sea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was reading this in a cafe on my laptop and I was entirely unprepared for the pencil drawing of a couple engaging in cunnilingus at 19%, but not as unprepared as the stranger next to me.

4.5 stars

[The Geeky Bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who knows me anything about me at all, knows how much I love Diana Gabaldon’s books. If you know me, and you DON’T know this? Shame on you. Clearly you haven’t been paying attention and you need to crawl out from under your rock and listen. It’s the only way you’re going to know these things. But I digress…

The only thing better than reading my favorite author’s books, is learning about how she writes. So when I saw that Herself* had written this book, detailing her process in writing about intimate (and not so intimate) moments, naturally I had to read it. (And it didn’t hurt that I’ve always enjoyed reading about the art of writing.)

It was a very interesting read, pointing out the subtleties of scenes that I never really noticed before Diana specifically pointed them out. If you’ve ever read an article (or a book) that gives writing advice, one point is constantly being stressed: Show, don’t tell. It’s not something you necessarily watch for as you read, but when the opposite is done (telling, not showing), you’re absolutely going to notice it. Too much tell and very little show is the best way to ruin a potentially good book. (And I’m sure we’ve all read them at one time or another.) My favorite books have all been written by people who not only knew to do it, but knew how to do it well.

I’m guessing the majority of people who immediately purchased this book were likely Outlander fans, but you don’t have to be a fan of Outlander to read this book. It’s a useful tool for anyone wanting to improve their writing skills. There’s even a few laughs to be had here and there. The only thing I was momentarily taken aback by was the artwork that’s sprinkled in here and there… I wasn’t expecting that at all, so the first one was a little shocking to see. (Kudos to the artist, though… they’re very talented.)

It was a nice diversion from the wait for book nine, Go Tell the Bees That I Am Gone, to be finished and available, albeit far too brief. Now I’m not-so-patiently waiting for Diana to make the wonderful announcement that book nine is finished… but I’ve been a fan long enough to know there will likely be at least two more years of waiting. Sigh.

* “Herself” is a term of affection and respect bestowed on Diana by her fans.

[Kristen Kieffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Useful for far more than writing sex scenes, this is one of the most practical, actionable books on writing I've ever read. I'm already putting some of the practices Gabaldon outlines into use, and I'm happy with the results thus far.

What's in this book for you if you're not into writing sex scenes?
Breakdowns on crafting emotionally powerful scenes; changing the lens of focus to give a scene depth and immediacy; the power of the five senses in creating a visceral, believable scene; an understanding of "underpainting"; and more...all with vivid examples so you can see the techniques put into action.

What's in this book for you if you do write sex scenes?
How all of the above applies to sex scenes, plus the difference between erotica and a good sex scene; breakdowns on how to avoid cringe-y, unbelievable scenes; and insights into how to write sex scenes of all natures with care (consensual sex, fade-to-blacks, sensual tension with little or no action, rape, gay sex, and more).

The best part? You get all of this in just 118 pages. You can tear through this book and begin putting it into practice in as little as a day. It truly doesn't get much better than that.

[Cyndi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Okay, I’m not really much of a writer, but I find the whole process fascinating. So when I came across this how-to on writing by one of my favorite authors I snatched it up.
So now I’m prepared to start up the hobby I’ve threatened my children with. When I hit about 80 years old, I’m going to put my knitting needles down and start writing porn. Hubba, hubba! 🤣

[RachelW (BamaGal)]

Seriously? This is straight from the JRWard files of 'if I doodle on toilet paper, my fans will snap it up'.

[Kent Winward · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty typical writing book, just with a sex bent. I was disappointed that there was nothing about using or writing about sex for comedy, because sex can be pretty damn hilarious.

[Kara Jorgensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly helpful and detailed.

I have wanted to read a book by DG for a while now because I knew how detailed and atmospheric her books are, and when I saw she had a how-to for writing sex scenes, I was all over it. "I Give You My Body" is a fantastic guide for creating atmosphere, emotion, and of course choreography for those sensual moments.
The book provides a how-to along with the reasons why these techniques work for writing these scenes. DG deconstructs her own scenes to show the reader exactly how the techniques can be applied and the effect on the reader.
Overall, it's a great guide that's worth the value. This isn't for beginner writers, so don't complain when DG expects you to know how to apply her info without spoon-feeding you.

[Sennen Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve never read Outlander so I was a bit like, is this just an excuse for her to be like isn’t Outlander really good or whatever and some of the examples I’m like why are you using this as an example Diana but overall: probs useful and interesting

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was fascinating! It's like a behind the scenes look into the way DG writes some of my very favorite scenes I've ever read. It's a peek into her head and into her craft. She is a master storyteller and I'm in awe of the beautiful webs she weaves as she tells her stories. Her sex scenes are so perfectly done and now I know why. This was SO MUCH FUN TO READ! Not only did I get to reread so many of the very best scenes in the books, I got insider information as to what made them so excellent for me to experience! I'll go back to this book anytime I need a Jamie and Claire fix. It also has an amazing list of all of the sex scenes in all of the books and beautiful artwork by the super talented Silvia Giachetti. I would highly recommend this to all of my author friends. To all of my friends currently reading the OL series for the first time, DO NOT read this until you've read all 8 books because it contains major spoilers. I loved this book!

[SheLove2Read · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've always been enamored of DG's ability to write a scene that is both sensual and erotic without resorting to unnecessary graphic language (although she does use graphic description). She is a master at setting up a scene and tells us here how she does that by using sense and touch in addition to dialog. I think if you are an author or aspire to someday call yourself one, this is a very good book to add to your library.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I partly read this because, if she writes it, I'll read it. But I find the behind-the-scenes fascinating, and Diana always manages to make it interesting and fun. I think there are a lot of writers who could truly benefit from this book. And, as a big Outlander fan, I enjoyed reliving moments through her examples.

[Michelle [Helen Geek]]

07/03/2016 -- What RachelW said; https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...

Nope ..

[Mira · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sadly, this is little more than an advertisement for her own books. About 70% of the text is just excerpts from Outlander sex scenes, with advice such as "use characters" and "mention the senses."

[Alicia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I strongly recommend that anybody looking to write better sex scenes spend a year writing fanfiction and participating in fandom. It's a better education than this.

[Cindy (BKind2Books) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A small book loaded with the author's own writing as exemplars of how to craft sex scenes, and truly how to write fiction in general. Most of what she discusses is applicable to good fiction, not simply to sex scenes - writing should appeal to all the senses, it should engage the reader's imagination, and anything, even sex, becomes boring when overdone. DG notes that to be effective, it should be crafted such that it could only have happened to these characters in this particular way. Good fiction really is all that way. I love all of the Outlander series and its spin-off, Lord John Grey, as well. It is fun to get some insights into the craft of her writing.

Quote to remember:

Real love has real costs - and they're worth it.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book if you're a fiction author or thinking of becoming one.It tells you how to write good sex scenes without boring the readers to death or making them skip the pages.
There's also some chapters in this book that involve the Outlander series and Lord John Grey series.

[Annathea · Rating 3 out of 5]

To była całkiem ciekawa mała książka. Ale nie dowiedziałam się z niej niczego nowego (poza może kilkoma nowymi określeniami), za to upewniłam się, że na pewno nie przeczytam Outlandera. Co ciekawe, jedyną sceną która mi się podobała (literacko i fabularnie) pochodziła z serii o Lordzie Johnie.

[Samantha Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative for a writer who has read a couple romances and erotic novels; was uncomfortable and put off reading the cringey, emotionless sex scenes; was even more put off by silly, low stake dramas affecting the pair; and prematurely decided romance reading and writing isn't for them.

Reading this taught me that I just haven't found a well written romance to my tastes yet, and that sex scenes can be done in a way that does not make me feel grossed out.

[Kristi Hudecek-Ashwill · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a romance writer/author, I've always struggled with writing a good sex scene. I read a ton of romances, mostly because I love them, but also because I want to learn how to get those particular scenes just right. I have a hard time and most of them come out as being mechanical. Ugh! It makes me crazy.

This book isn't all that long, but it's packed with a wealth of information. It shows how to implement more than one or two of your senses into the story and draw the reader into the scene without feeling like a voyeur or a pervert, just to name a couple. The book covers a lot more than that.

The examples that are used are mostly from the author's own books and show exactly what is meant by the point she's making. It was planned and executed well, with facts and a little humor. For instance, I had no idea there were so many names for the penis. How I've lived this long without knowing some of these is beyond me. Some of them had me laughing out loud (sorry, guys). But I do have an aversion to certain words pertaining to the male (and female) anatomy and now I have something to refer to. Thank you, Ms. Gabaldon!

After reading this book, I think I can apply what I learned to my own writing and do a lot better. It's going to take some time and practice, but I feel as if I have a better grip on it. I wish I'd found it sooner.

[Barbara (The Bibliophage) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I was about twelve when I read my first sex scene. So, that means it's been forty years of these scenes. I'm not an especially analytical reader in this situation, other than the occasional, "Ewwww" or "Mmmmm." I just let the moment take me, so to speak.

Diana Gabaldon teaches this content at writer's workshops and this is definitely an analytical approach. It's fascinating to see how a writer builds a sex scene in layers of underpainting and then painting the scene with words. If I was a writer, I'd use some of her suggestions for any scene particularly one with sensual or evocative details.

She covers all kinds of scenes from suggestion but no specifics to quite specific, including non consensual sex and rape (trigger warning). She also discusses what it was like for her to shift from writing the heterosexual scenes of Jamie and Claire Fraser to the homosexual scenes of Lord John Grey and his partners.

Having heard her speak in December, I see the humor and particular speech patterns she uses. And, by the way, I've never heard anyone talk faster than she does!

This was a fun book to balance some of the serious reading in my life, and life itself. 3 stars simply because it was primarily instructional.

[Elle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I loathed Outlander. I still get that glassy, far-away stare of one who's survived a World War when someone mentions it. But I'm running a fever at the moment and not thinking coherently, so when I saw this book pop up on Overdrive's front page, I thought, hey, this should be interesting. Sex scenes are one aspect of writing I haven't really read much about. I don't often find myself writing this kind of stuff, but never hurts to learn, right?

Well, 3% of this "book" consists of a list of synonyms for "penis." One of the suggestions is "Bob Dole."

I could go on, and rant about how one of her examples of how to write a "non-sex sex scene" involves her hero pinning down his own daughter and telling her he could rape her if he wanted (I mean, how else do you teach children their own limitations?) but, I dunno, I feel like "Bob Dole" says enough.

[Tereza Mikulová · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jak vám asi prozradí už název, tahle kniha je složena z mnoha velmi peprných úryvků z knih Diany Gabaldon, především tedy její nejznámější série Cizinka. Pokud si tedy myslíte, že byste měli raději počkat, až si celou sérii přečtete a až pak se podíváte na to, jak autorka takové scény tvoří, abyste se vyhnuli spoilerům, je to jen na vás.

Za sebe vám mohu říct, že pokud si knihu přečtete v průběhu, nic tím nezkazíte. Nemyslím si, že jako ukázky autorka použila scény, pomocí nichž by vám naspoilerovala děj, spíš vás s jejich pomocí navnadí na knihy, které ještě nevyšly a vy jste je tím pádem ještě nečetli.

U knihy se pobavíte, rozvášníte... ostatně jako u celé série Cizinka. Hlavně vám celá kniha nezabere dlouho, jelikož má 140 stránek, takže byste ji měli mít přečtenou za jeden den. Já si myslím, že pro fanoušky Cizinky se tato kniha výborně hodí.

[Lemurkat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diana Gabaldon writes excellent sex scenes, and here's a few tips on how she does it. Very insightful, confirming some of what I already knew (emotions over actions) but also offering a few tips and tricks that I didn't. It's been a long time since I wrote such a scene, but I'm sure with the assistance of this book, they'll be better than they once were.

I also love how it is called "How I Write..." not "How to Write..." basically saying, that she's sharing her knowledge, but also understanding that there are other techniques to write scenes of intimacy.

And the extracts were a nice touch - until we got into the "Nasty Sex" chapter, that was a tad bit painful - I have missed Claire and Jamie Fraser.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I long ago decided that I was never too good to learn something new and/or improve my skills. Hence, the purchase of this book.

Diana Gabaldon is most famous for her steamy Outlander series. She draws heavily on examples from her own work to make her points, and the method is effective. She shows what she's talking about so that readers can understand how she puts her own advice into practice.

There are some rather erotic pencil sketches included in the text, so if you're reading this in a public place you might want to be aware.

In any event, the advice is sound and I learned at least one new thing from the book that will help future writing endeavors. As a result, I consider this effort a success.

[Marie C Warren · Rating 1 out of 5]

Apparently it's okay for men to keep pushing a woman who is blatantly not giving consent because she'll start to enjoy it: at least that's one of the scenario's quoted here from one of Ms Gabaldon's books. Okay I know it's fiction, but this is a female author giving the impression that women don't really mean 'no' when they are refusing sex. Ironically she picked a couple where the woman was far to feisty (and scarred by rape) to have 'decided to lie back and enjoy it' and the man far to caring and aware (even drunk) to have pushed himself on her in that way. That aside the information on constructing scenes and writing dialogue is interesting and informative and would help in writing scenes of a sexual or non-sexual nature.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about how she writes an integral part of her books? Brilliant. Beyond that ... DG's words are crafted so expertly that I'm beginning to think she's not human. They invoke more emotion than I could have ever thought possible. You FEEL and THINK and EXPERIENCE everything her characters do. She is able to transport you to another time and place with such ease.

Her sex scenes are the epitome of sex scenes. Some are very explicit in their content and others are more implicit but you know exactly what is going on and she makes you feel exactly what her characters do. It's magic; I really don't know how she does it but I am gladly under her spell.

[Margarita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick, interesting read on Mrs Gabaldon perspective on how she writes her sex scenes. All the examples, and there were a ton of them, were from the Outlander and Lord John Grey books. These were great but I felt that the analysis behind them was lacking. There was only one scene that was analyzed line by line which was the most helpful but that was the only one, and you can find it online at her blog for free :)

I love Mrs Gabaldon work but this guide was just ok.

[Katia M. Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very useful information focussing on emotion rather than action, which emphasises the sensuality of an encounter not the sticky mechanics. Certainly the right way for me to write sex scenes to avoid cliche and really nasty descriptions. I wish more people would use this method.

[Bryan L · Rating 4 out of 5]

No sé porqué quise escuchar esta historia, pero la verdad sí me pareció interesante escuchar desde la voz de la misma escritora cómo se inspiraba para escribir escenas así.

Más que nos narraba sus experiencias con los libros, vemos aquí tips para todos aquellos que quieren ser escritores (ya sean cosas explícitas o no). Hay buenos consejos de escritura, entendimiento del entorno y los personajes.

Hay fragmentos de sus libros que ampliaban la explicación, tanto como de las historias de otro personaje y sus propias experiencias.

Este libro me causó bastante curiosas al inicio porque Diana escribe escenas muy bien detalladas, todas diferentes y que hacen de los libros una obra de arte.

Lo único que no me gustó, pero no es directamente con el libro, fue la voz de Diana, era un poco raspy y por algún tiempo pasable, pero no las tres horas que duró.

[Carolyn McBride · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book because, although shorter than I'd like, I learned a great deal more about writing in general than I did about writing sex. I've never been very good at writing sexual scenes, so I thought perhaps I could learn a few things. I learned so much about writing scenes with emotion and physicality and focus and senses, and I know that if I go back and read it again, this time with a pen and notebook at my elbow I'll learn even more.
Every writer, male, female, gay, straight, should read this book and learn from it. No matter if they write original fiction, fan fiction, no matter the genre.

If you write--you NEED to read this book!