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Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life
How using the right words will positively impact your life.
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the luck? Bob Selden's new book "Don't" shows you how words impact those parts of the brain that make you either positive or negative. People who have a more positive outlook use more positive language. They see opportunities that others miss – they also generally see how these opportunities can be turned into real advantages.
* "Don't" sets out those negative words and phrases to avoid – the ones that create negative thinking in your brain and result in negative behaviour – and then suggests some words and phrases that do just the opposite. The end result? You will start to use positive words, which activate the positive parts of your brain which then results in positive behaviour.
* "Don't" will also enable you to better manage those difficult conversations that all of us have at some point. Sometimes it's a conversation we initiate, such as going to a job interview, at other times it's initiated by someone else, such as when a good friend wants help with a deep problem.
Bob Selden will challenge some of your thinking on what makes some people more successful than others – Is it luck? Upbringing? Opportunity? Or is it perhaps the words we use? Read his new book "Don't" and make the call!
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the luck? Bob Selden's new book "Don't" shows you how words impact those parts of the brain that make you either positive or negative. People who have a more positive outlook use more positive language. They see opportunities that others miss – they also generally see how these opportunities can be turned into real advantages.
* "Don't" sets out those negative words and phrases to avoid – the ones that create negative thinking in your brain and result in negative behaviour – and then suggests some words and phrases that do just the opposite. The end result? You will start to use positive words, which activate the positive parts of your brain which then results in positive behaviour.
* "Don't" will also enable you to better manage those difficult conversations that all of us have at some point. Sometimes it's a conversation we initiate, such as going to a job interview, at other times it's initiated by someone else, such as when a good friend wants help with a deep problem.
Bob Selden will challenge some of your thinking on what makes some people more successful than others – Is it luck? Upbringing? Opportunity? Or is it perhaps the words we use? Read his new book "Don't" and make the call!
- GenresNonfiction
276 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 17, 2016
3 people are currently reading
295 people want to read
About the author
Bob Selden
8 books41 followersI'm unashamedly a student of behaviour. I believe that the words and language we use not only impact our relationships with others, but also the way in which we behave. Recent research tends to support this belief. For example, studies at the Universities of Heidelberg, Neuchatel and Zurich (2007) show that when young male drivers hear male type words (such as “tough” and “rough”) they automatically increase their speed, whilst hearing female type words (such as “pink” and “gentle”) leads to a reduction in their speed. My question; “Can the words a manager uses also impact both his or her people relationships and behaviour?”
I survived my first new manager’s role in banking to eventually develop into a senior manager responsible for the career development of hundreds of other managers. During this growing process, and later as an organisational development consultant, trainer and coach, I learnt (often the hard way) what works and what doesn’t work when managing others. I've recently published “What To Do When You Become The Boss” which is a result of some of this learning. I'm now determined to help other new managers during their initial growth spurt.
I'm an Australian currently living in Liestal, Switzerland. As well as being fortunate enough to consult to various organisations on 5 continents, I coach on the Mobilizing People program at the International Institute for Management Development in Lausanne, Switzerland. I also facilitate on programs such as the Middle Manager Development program at the Australian Graduate School of Management in Sydney, Australia.
I'd like to challenge those of you who are interested, on some of your thinking on leadership and management development and would very much appreciate your feedback.
I survived my first new manager’s role in banking to eventually develop into a senior manager responsible for the career development of hundreds of other managers. During this growing process, and later as an organisational development consultant, trainer and coach, I learnt (often the hard way) what works and what doesn’t work when managing others. I've recently published “What To Do When You Become The Boss” which is a result of some of this learning. I'm now determined to help other new managers during their initial growth spurt.
I'm an Australian currently living in Liestal, Switzerland. As well as being fortunate enough to consult to various organisations on 5 continents, I coach on the Mobilizing People program at the International Institute for Management Development in Lausanne, Switzerland. I also facilitate on programs such as the Middle Manager Development program at the Australian Graduate School of Management in Sydney, Australia.
I'd like to challenge those of you who are interested, on some of your thinking on leadership and management development and would very much appreciate your feedback.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
September 14, 2016
This book has a couple of informative subtitles: ‘Unlock the do in don’t…’ and ‘How using the right words will change your life’ I could add, ‘How using the right words will change the lives of those around you’, too.
So, what’s it about? Essentially, it’s a manual for using the right language to make life smoother, easier, less confrontational and more enjoyable for all. That may sound like an ambitious project, but Bob Selden has carried it off.
I first came across the idea of not using ‘don’t’ on a civil service course many years ago. The image I was given then has stuck with me ever since as an illustration of the way we can easily make mistakes when using language. Try this: ‘Don’t think of pink elephants.’ You are now visualising pink elephants. Your response to language is largely visual and there’s no visual image for don’t, so your brain’s response to that command is the same as if you’d heard ‘Think of pink elephants.’ The ‘don’t’ is invisible.
Bob Selden enlarges on this simple basic fact that corrupts so much of our communication. He does so with examples that brilliantly illustrate the problems of both conversation and written communication. For parents, he gives a wonderful example of an alternative to the much used, ‘Don’t touch anything.’, which, of course, the child hears as ‘Touch anything.’ I won’t give his alternative: read the book.
He develops the theme of positive versus negative language, discusses how effective these two approaches to communication are and uses exercises and examples to demonstrate how positive words and phrases are often the key to successful transactions.
There are chapters on: the ‘don’t’ rule, accentuating the positive, applying the futureless concept, using metaphors, changing mood by applying more positive descriptions to your feelings, conflict issues in conversations, tone of voice, and how to handle those difficult conversations we all experience with colleagues, bosses, employees, family and friends.
In short, there’s something for everyone here. No matter what your employment status, your relationship role, your family position, you’ll find words of practical wisdom here. I shall keep this book handy for reference. And I’ll re-read it from time to time to reinforce the very positive message it contains. An excellent piece of work that should be on all book shelves.
So, what’s it about? Essentially, it’s a manual for using the right language to make life smoother, easier, less confrontational and more enjoyable for all. That may sound like an ambitious project, but Bob Selden has carried it off.
I first came across the idea of not using ‘don’t’ on a civil service course many years ago. The image I was given then has stuck with me ever since as an illustration of the way we can easily make mistakes when using language. Try this: ‘Don’t think of pink elephants.’ You are now visualising pink elephants. Your response to language is largely visual and there’s no visual image for don’t, so your brain’s response to that command is the same as if you’d heard ‘Think of pink elephants.’ The ‘don’t’ is invisible.
Bob Selden enlarges on this simple basic fact that corrupts so much of our communication. He does so with examples that brilliantly illustrate the problems of both conversation and written communication. For parents, he gives a wonderful example of an alternative to the much used, ‘Don’t touch anything.’, which, of course, the child hears as ‘Touch anything.’ I won’t give his alternative: read the book.
He develops the theme of positive versus negative language, discusses how effective these two approaches to communication are and uses exercises and examples to demonstrate how positive words and phrases are often the key to successful transactions.
There are chapters on: the ‘don’t’ rule, accentuating the positive, applying the futureless concept, using metaphors, changing mood by applying more positive descriptions to your feelings, conflict issues in conversations, tone of voice, and how to handle those difficult conversations we all experience with colleagues, bosses, employees, family and friends.
In short, there’s something for everyone here. No matter what your employment status, your relationship role, your family position, you’ll find words of practical wisdom here. I shall keep this book handy for reference. And I’ll re-read it from time to time to reinforce the very positive message it contains. An excellent piece of work that should be on all book shelves.
March 20, 2017
Our Beck Valley Book Review of Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life by Bob Selden
"The success of any book is while you are reading or discussing it with others, it gains their interest in the subject matter and they actually go out and buy it, which is what has happened with this particular book.
While I was reading the book and incorporating the ideas and concepts the author was promoting people around me noticed the change in my language and attitude that I had adopted and wondered where it had come from. Particularly that I was using a lot of positivity and different lines of questioning to check for understanding and explanations. This was all down to reading this excellent novel which points out how we can improve communication by changing simple things.
For example when I returned home one night after a stressful day an argument was going to ensue between myself and my wife, using a technique from the book I started to question my wife "AND why do you feel like that?" This took her by surprise and made her laugh thus proving the technique works.
As I said the proof is in the pudding, in sales and interests, and I know of two people (in a management level) in my work place who have purchased this book after reading the first couple of chapters.
Useful exercises at the end of each chapter reinforce the instructions from the author and lessons we can do over and over again to not only improve ourselves but others as well.
Reading this book will make and hopefully change the way you communicate, act, and respond to anyone you come into contact with."
Read more on the #book and author here....
http://beckvalleybooks.blogspot.co.uk...
About the book
How using the right words will positively impact your life.
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the luck? Bob Selden's new book "Don't" shows you how words impact those parts of the brain that make you either positive or negative. People who have a more positive outlook use more positive language. They see opportunities that others miss – they also generally see how these opportunities can be turned into real advantages.
* "Don't" sets out those negative words and phrases to avoid – the ones that create negative thinking in your brain and result in negative behaviour – and then suggests some words and phrases that do just the opposite. The end result? You will start to use positive words, which activate the positive parts of your brain which then results in positive behaviour.
* "Don't" will also enable you to better manage those difficult conversations that all of us have at some point. Sometimes it's a conversation we initiate, such as going to a job interview, at other times it's initiated by someone else, such as when a good friend wants help with a deep problem.
Bob Selden will challenge some of your thinking on what makes some people more successful than others – Is it luck? Upbringing? Opportunity? Or is it perhaps the words we use? Read his new book "Don't" and make the call!
"The success of any book is while you are reading or discussing it with others, it gains their interest in the subject matter and they actually go out and buy it, which is what has happened with this particular book.
While I was reading the book and incorporating the ideas and concepts the author was promoting people around me noticed the change in my language and attitude that I had adopted and wondered where it had come from. Particularly that I was using a lot of positivity and different lines of questioning to check for understanding and explanations. This was all down to reading this excellent novel which points out how we can improve communication by changing simple things.
For example when I returned home one night after a stressful day an argument was going to ensue between myself and my wife, using a technique from the book I started to question my wife "AND why do you feel like that?" This took her by surprise and made her laugh thus proving the technique works.
As I said the proof is in the pudding, in sales and interests, and I know of two people (in a management level) in my work place who have purchased this book after reading the first couple of chapters.
Useful exercises at the end of each chapter reinforce the instructions from the author and lessons we can do over and over again to not only improve ourselves but others as well.
Reading this book will make and hopefully change the way you communicate, act, and respond to anyone you come into contact with."
Read more on the #book and author here....
http://beckvalleybooks.blogspot.co.uk...
About the book
How using the right words will positively impact your life.
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all the luck? Bob Selden's new book "Don't" shows you how words impact those parts of the brain that make you either positive or negative. People who have a more positive outlook use more positive language. They see opportunities that others miss – they also generally see how these opportunities can be turned into real advantages.
* "Don't" sets out those negative words and phrases to avoid – the ones that create negative thinking in your brain and result in negative behaviour – and then suggests some words and phrases that do just the opposite. The end result? You will start to use positive words, which activate the positive parts of your brain which then results in positive behaviour.
* "Don't" will also enable you to better manage those difficult conversations that all of us have at some point. Sometimes it's a conversation we initiate, such as going to a job interview, at other times it's initiated by someone else, such as when a good friend wants help with a deep problem.
Bob Selden will challenge some of your thinking on what makes some people more successful than others – Is it luck? Upbringing? Opportunity? Or is it perhaps the words we use? Read his new book "Don't" and make the call!
November 24, 2016
We all are well aware of the fact that the meaning and use of words is going through dramatic changes – and that’s life as it is today. What isn’t changing however is the need to communicate clearly and using words that create an intended understanding. This brings up the dreaded word ‘discipline’ – the need to discipline our thinking in how we communicate our messages. Reminiscent of the classic “Plain Words” of Sir Ernest Gowers, but far more practical and realistically reflecting 21st century society needs.
Bob Selden’s book is therefore not just welcome but indeed a highly essential volume. I particularly cheered that the core message, not just in the title but throughout the book, is the tried and true philosophy of ‘accentuate the positive to eliminate the negative”.
Selden brings out so well the fact that the good use of words only comes alive when they are considered in the way they are used for two-way communication. The rise of electronic communication is rapidly killing the art not just of saying the right words but more importantly the art of listening to understand and absorb the words and messages of others. Selden’s use of practical exercises does much to help translate what might otherwise be text-book information into true-life reality.
Selden’s book gives strong attention to the fact that so much communication in today’s stress-ridden society is about managing difficult conversations to achieve mutually-satisfying outcomes. No easy task. Inter-generational conversations – especially between parents and teenagers - come in for detailed and constructive attention. The aforementioned rapid changes in the meaning and use of words is placing huge pressures on people of differing generations even understanding what is in each other’s minds, let alone achieve mutually-understood outcomes. Selden tackles manfully a problem about which so many parents (and teenagers?) despair.
It will be interesting to learn who buys this book – the older person or the teenager? The person who wants to be heard or the person seeking to better understand? Only time and the results of Selden’s efforts will tell.
Bob Selden’s book is therefore not just welcome but indeed a highly essential volume. I particularly cheered that the core message, not just in the title but throughout the book, is the tried and true philosophy of ‘accentuate the positive to eliminate the negative”.
Selden brings out so well the fact that the good use of words only comes alive when they are considered in the way they are used for two-way communication. The rise of electronic communication is rapidly killing the art not just of saying the right words but more importantly the art of listening to understand and absorb the words and messages of others. Selden’s use of practical exercises does much to help translate what might otherwise be text-book information into true-life reality.
Selden’s book gives strong attention to the fact that so much communication in today’s stress-ridden society is about managing difficult conversations to achieve mutually-satisfying outcomes. No easy task. Inter-generational conversations – especially between parents and teenagers - come in for detailed and constructive attention. The aforementioned rapid changes in the meaning and use of words is placing huge pressures on people of differing generations even understanding what is in each other’s minds, let alone achieve mutually-understood outcomes. Selden tackles manfully a problem about which so many parents (and teenagers?) despair.
It will be interesting to learn who buys this book – the older person or the teenager? The person who wants to be heard or the person seeking to better understand? Only time and the results of Selden’s efforts will tell.
January 18, 2017
As a writer and a linguist, I love words and I’m always curious to know and understand more about their inherent power. This is why I decided to read DON’T: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life.
Admittedly, I went into reading this book thinking that I would probably know most of the information in this book. I was pleasantly surprised. The author is incredibly knowledgeable in this particular area and does a lot more than simply explain how using the right words will change your life. He provides fascinating evidence, employs meaningful examples and also shares some of his own experiences in relation to each topic.
The book is also very easy to read and follow. Bob has a very engaging style and the ability to take dry research studies and turn them into interesting anecdotes. The book is structured in a way so the reader always knows where they are up to. The book is broken into three sections and there is an introduction at the beginning of each section as well as a summary at the end. Also, at the end of each chapter there are practical exercises in which to put into action the information learned. I found this very helpful in retaining what was clearly very important and useful information.
This book is for anyone who is looking to improve their lives, experience greater happiness and satisfaction and feel more positive and fulfilled on a day to day basis. The information is interesting and told in a way that’s engaging and holds the readers interest. The exercises are simple and can be done throughout the day without adding further stress. In fact, these activities will help to reduce stress and help the reader to feel a greater sense of positivity in their lives.
I really enjoyed this book and I’m already putting the information into practice. I’m using negative words less and focusing on using more positive words in all my communication. It’s a process but it’s one I’m really enjoying thanks to this book and Bob’s expertise. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to get more out of life simply through using the right words.
Hedley Derenzie
www.hedleyderenzie.com
Admittedly, I went into reading this book thinking that I would probably know most of the information in this book. I was pleasantly surprised. The author is incredibly knowledgeable in this particular area and does a lot more than simply explain how using the right words will change your life. He provides fascinating evidence, employs meaningful examples and also shares some of his own experiences in relation to each topic.
The book is also very easy to read and follow. Bob has a very engaging style and the ability to take dry research studies and turn them into interesting anecdotes. The book is structured in a way so the reader always knows where they are up to. The book is broken into three sections and there is an introduction at the beginning of each section as well as a summary at the end. Also, at the end of each chapter there are practical exercises in which to put into action the information learned. I found this very helpful in retaining what was clearly very important and useful information.
This book is for anyone who is looking to improve their lives, experience greater happiness and satisfaction and feel more positive and fulfilled on a day to day basis. The information is interesting and told in a way that’s engaging and holds the readers interest. The exercises are simple and can be done throughout the day without adding further stress. In fact, these activities will help to reduce stress and help the reader to feel a greater sense of positivity in their lives.
I really enjoyed this book and I’m already putting the information into practice. I’m using negative words less and focusing on using more positive words in all my communication. It’s a process but it’s one I’m really enjoying thanks to this book and Bob’s expertise. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to get more out of life simply through using the right words.
Hedley Derenzie
www.hedleyderenzie.com
Read
November 30, 2016Bob Selden's book 'Don't' attempts to 'unlock the do in don't'. Using examples from everyday life; parent to child communication, work scenes, disputes with ticket sellers (you'll laugh at this one), he gently highlights a paradox: when we issue negative instruction, 'Don't', it is perceived as an invitation to 'Do'. Further, that different languages use different perspectives, nuances, that can often create, or if understood properly, unlock, problems of miscommunication.
Seemingly insurmountable problems are reduced to the changing of a single word, under Bob's masterful analysis. It turns out that a word changed, can illicit a different tone, different message, and altogether more successful outcome. Something we all want in our lives. Imagine the possibility for relations between partners, parents, managers & friends. Awareness is so important, as once you have grasped the concept, you find yourself walking on egg shells as you spot the problem everywhere. We have become so entrenched in the 'Don't' side of the equation. When what works is the 'Do' side.
Bob Selden explains a simple yet poignant issue, that blossoms into a life changing approach to how we communicate with, and are perceived by, the world around us. I am a convert. I believe that my own quest, to remove negative words from my speech, will help me to make a positive impact upon the world. When the sign states, Don't walk on the grass, I will be sticking to the path, that leads to a trouble-free future.
Don't is not an unpleasant read, it is a totally enjoyable one! Far more than a manual for the Sales or Business man, it is an agenda for life. Bob's effortless gentle persuasion has a curious way of winning you over, with examples, exercises and scientific fact. He does succeed in making a difference to the way we understand language and communication. This is a unique and new perspective on a much examined and written about phenomena.
I say 'Don't', read it. Or, should I say, do read 'Don't'.
R J Salisbury
author
info@robertsalisbury.com
Seemingly insurmountable problems are reduced to the changing of a single word, under Bob's masterful analysis. It turns out that a word changed, can illicit a different tone, different message, and altogether more successful outcome. Something we all want in our lives. Imagine the possibility for relations between partners, parents, managers & friends. Awareness is so important, as once you have grasped the concept, you find yourself walking on egg shells as you spot the problem everywhere. We have become so entrenched in the 'Don't' side of the equation. When what works is the 'Do' side.
Bob Selden explains a simple yet poignant issue, that blossoms into a life changing approach to how we communicate with, and are perceived by, the world around us. I am a convert. I believe that my own quest, to remove negative words from my speech, will help me to make a positive impact upon the world. When the sign states, Don't walk on the grass, I will be sticking to the path, that leads to a trouble-free future.
Don't is not an unpleasant read, it is a totally enjoyable one! Far more than a manual for the Sales or Business man, it is an agenda for life. Bob's effortless gentle persuasion has a curious way of winning you over, with examples, exercises and scientific fact. He does succeed in making a difference to the way we understand language and communication. This is a unique and new perspective on a much examined and written about phenomena.
I say 'Don't', read it. Or, should I say, do read 'Don't'.
R J Salisbury
author
info@robertsalisbury.com
September 9, 2016
I’m sure all of us have gotten the lyrics to a song stuck in our heads and find ourselves incessantly humming or singing it. When I’m aware I’m doing it I try to stop before I drive myself crazy. (e.g. the Barney song. You’re welcome.) That’s similar to what I do now that I’ve read this book—catch myself as the word don’t is about to trickle off my tongue. I’m learning to search for alternative ways to say (or write) my statement to infer a more positive feel or outcome. In essence, I’m reprogramming my brain.
I’m a positive person, a picker-upper. In seeking for the positive in even the most tragic or unfortunate circumstances we influence others (knowingly or not) to do the same. This book’s message does something similar—showing us how using the right words not only influence our behavior and thoughts, but those of others as well.
The bottom line is WORDS HAVE POWER. If you’ve ever received a backhanded compliment, then you understand how particular words and phrases project negative connotations. This is true even when the words are said with the best intentions. (Don’t touch the hot stove! Don’t give up!) Words like don’t automatically put our brains in a defensive or negative mode. Motivational speeches encourage and inspire people by using positive words and an affirmative approach. Therefore… need I say more?
DON’T, by Bob Selden, is an interesting book, written with authority, and humble, easy to understand language. (I especially enjoyed the sections dealing with creating images with your speech and using metaphors.) A truly inspiring read.
“When we use positive words they strengthen areas in our frontal lobes and promote the brain’s cognitive functioning, making us more cognitively healthy.” (excerpt)
I’m a positive person, a picker-upper. In seeking for the positive in even the most tragic or unfortunate circumstances we influence others (knowingly or not) to do the same. This book’s message does something similar—showing us how using the right words not only influence our behavior and thoughts, but those of others as well.
“…the average child hears 432 negative comments or words per day, versus 32 positive ones.” (excerpt)
The bottom line is WORDS HAVE POWER. If you’ve ever received a backhanded compliment, then you understand how particular words and phrases project negative connotations. This is true even when the words are said with the best intentions. (Don’t touch the hot stove! Don’t give up!) Words like don’t automatically put our brains in a defensive or negative mode. Motivational speeches encourage and inspire people by using positive words and an affirmative approach. Therefore… need I say more?
DON’T, by Bob Selden, is an interesting book, written with authority, and humble, easy to understand language. (I especially enjoyed the sections dealing with creating images with your speech and using metaphors.) A truly inspiring read.
April 6, 2017
Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life by Bob Selden. The author provides a variety of communication strategies such as eliminating the word, don't, from one's vocabulary, a feat which took the author twelve months to master.
At first the reader may ask: "How is this even possible?" However, Bob Selden includes exercises and suggested answers. He also includes charts of what not to say and how it could be rephrased better. He quotes relative statistics such as "the average child hears 432 negative comments or words per day versus 32 positive ones" — or about 93% negative. These statistics impel the reader to continue.
Specific information is written to benefit spouse-to-spouse interaction, parent-to-child communication, and adult-to-aged-parent consultation. The last part of the book contains a summary so the reader can easily refer to it as a reminder of the points the author taught. I recommend Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life to anyone who would like to make an earnest effort to improve communication.
My favorite quote: "In a difficulty and emotionally charged conversation, many people are not really listening to what others say. Instead, they are often mentally 'reloading' their responses. This means they may fail to pick up important clues about the other's emotions and concerns, which also means missing opportunities to build trust and understanding." My other favorite quote: "Assertiveness acknowledges and respects the boundaries of others."
To read more reviews, visit http://www.McNeilsReviews.com
At first the reader may ask: "How is this even possible?" However, Bob Selden includes exercises and suggested answers. He also includes charts of what not to say and how it could be rephrased better. He quotes relative statistics such as "the average child hears 432 negative comments or words per day versus 32 positive ones" — or about 93% negative. These statistics impel the reader to continue.
Specific information is written to benefit spouse-to-spouse interaction, parent-to-child communication, and adult-to-aged-parent consultation. The last part of the book contains a summary so the reader can easily refer to it as a reminder of the points the author taught. I recommend Don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life to anyone who would like to make an earnest effort to improve communication.
My favorite quote: "In a difficulty and emotionally charged conversation, many people are not really listening to what others say. Instead, they are often mentally 'reloading' their responses. This means they may fail to pick up important clues about the other's emotions and concerns, which also means missing opportunities to build trust and understanding." My other favorite quote: "Assertiveness acknowledges and respects the boundaries of others."
To read more reviews, visit http://www.McNeilsReviews.com
February 7, 2017
DON'T READ THIS REVIEW
So you're reading it? That's Bob Selden's point in his fascinating new book, 'DON'T'. If you use words like 'Don't' you'll often get the opposite result to the one you expect. For example, is that paint really wet? Sure, the sign reads 'wet paint, don't touch', but we touch it just to make sure....
Selden suggests we can unlock the positive 'do' in the negative 'don't' by choosing affirmative language and by simplifying the mental images our words provoke. He shows us how using the right words can change our social life, home life and our life on the job. Use 'we', not 'you'. Use 'us', not 'you', and many more. Perhaps the most telling examples show how to get better outcomes from conversations simply by using the right words, metaphors and images. 'DON'T' is above all a warm and practical book which builds on points made in Selden's best-selling 'What To Do When You Become the Boss'.
Whatever you do, don't read 'DON'T'.
You know what I mean.
Peter Burleigh
So you're reading it? That's Bob Selden's point in his fascinating new book, 'DON'T'. If you use words like 'Don't' you'll often get the opposite result to the one you expect. For example, is that paint really wet? Sure, the sign reads 'wet paint, don't touch', but we touch it just to make sure....
Selden suggests we can unlock the positive 'do' in the negative 'don't' by choosing affirmative language and by simplifying the mental images our words provoke. He shows us how using the right words can change our social life, home life and our life on the job. Use 'we', not 'you'. Use 'us', not 'you', and many more. Perhaps the most telling examples show how to get better outcomes from conversations simply by using the right words, metaphors and images. 'DON'T' is above all a warm and practical book which builds on points made in Selden's best-selling 'What To Do When You Become the Boss'.
Whatever you do, don't read 'DON'T'.
You know what I mean.
Peter Burleigh
January 16, 2017
Bob Selden has produced yet another superb book to compliment his original What To Do When You Become the Boss. Bob tackles an area that other books go near but no one has quite hit the mark that Bob’s book does. By combining a number of different areas and bringing them together he has created a brilliant and practical ‘how to’ book that is a ‘must’ for business people, parents, teachers and anyone who wants to communicate effectively. I still find myself thinking of yet more “don’t” examples months after reading the book.
What’s more impressive is that he has taken a number of fairly complex areas and put them into plain English that actually makes sense as well as providing examples of how to use the different skills in different situations.
Finally the section on parenting teenagers should be required reading for every parent.
What’s more impressive is that he has taken a number of fairly complex areas and put them into plain English that actually makes sense as well as providing examples of how to use the different skills in different situations.
Finally the section on parenting teenagers should be required reading for every parent.
August 30, 2016
This is not a book, but a very well thought out, evidence based instruction program on positivity. As a person with a PhD in psychology, I know that the communication strategies it teaches work, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Bob Selden references his sources as meticulously as for any academic writing. Fortunately, though, this is the opposite of typical academic writing: easy to read and simple to follow.
Learning is through doing. Reading a book about tennis won’t teach you to play. Appropriately, this book is full of exercises. Follow the instructions, and watch your life improve.
Five stars for an excellent, enjoyable program.
Learning is through doing. Reading a book about tennis won’t teach you to play. Appropriately, this book is full of exercises. Follow the instructions, and watch your life improve.
Five stars for an excellent, enjoyable program.
October 10, 2016
This is not a book, but a very well thought out, evidence based instruction program on positivity. As a person with a PhD in psychology, I know that the communication strategies it teaches work, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Bob Selden references his sources as meticulously as for any academic writing. Fortunately, though, this is the opposite of typical academic writing: easy to read and simple to follow.
Learning is through doing. Reading a book about tennis won’t teach you to play. Appropriately, this book is full of exercises. Follow the instructions, and watch your life improve.
Five stars for an excellent, enjoyable program.
Learning is through doing. Reading a book about tennis won’t teach you to play. Appropriately, this book is full of exercises. Follow the instructions, and watch your life improve.
Five stars for an excellent, enjoyable program.
January 1, 2017
I loved this book. Whether we have any experience with changing our language, or are new to the idea, Bob Seldon puts an excellent case for using different words to improve relationships, our own and other people’s behaviour and our own feelings.
As someone who coaches executives in personal leadership and has taught conflict resolution, and communication skills, I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants more effective conversations and outcomes. There are plenty of practical tips and thoughtful ideas to use everyday.
Highly recommended for every bookshelf.
Valerie Orton
Author Everyday Resilience – Creating Calm from Chaos
As someone who coaches executives in personal leadership and has taught conflict resolution, and communication skills, I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants more effective conversations and outcomes. There are plenty of practical tips and thoughtful ideas to use everyday.
Highly recommended for every bookshelf.
Valerie Orton
Author Everyday Resilience – Creating Calm from Chaos
April 11, 2017
Imagine every word that was ever said to you was positive, enriching and encouraging, you would probably be a different person today. The power of the spoken word in everyday living is the focus point in Don't, Unlock the do in don't: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life by Bob Selden. I received a free copy of this book via mail from the author. I was a bit surprised because when I saw the package, I was wondering what I had ordered from Australia. Being a professional communicator, I knew I wanted to explore the pages to see what could be learned.
My first impression was...
Read More: http://drakuabookreviews.blogspot.com...
My first impression was...
Read More: http://drakuabookreviews.blogspot.com...
September 18, 2016
A fresh look at the art of communication. This book brings together a range of useful ideas about how to structure, frame and deliver your message. Fans of NLP and Applied Psychology will find it a very useful resource. The section on I messages was the best summary of this tool I have come across - and I have read lots of them on communication.
January 1, 2017
Personally asked to review this book by Bob a few weeks back. I am reading this and the results and elements of growth by working the suggested changes are very rewarding thus far.
Must read
Must read
March 6, 2023
In November last year, I wrote a blog about creating positive energy with your words and provided some suggestions for saying things in a different, more positive way. A good colleague of mine, Bob Seldon, then sent me his latest book “Don’t – Unlock the do in don’t…..How using the right words will change your life”.
Well, I read this wonderful book over the summer holidays and in summary, all I can say is this book is outstanding and a truly helpful guide with some great exercises, tips and examples.
The book is broken down as follows:
Part One – How words impact our behaviour
Part Two – Words to use, words to avoid and other influencing factors when communicating
Part Three – Difficult conversations and how to manage these.
Bob certainly takes you further than my little blog. So if you are looking to bring more energy into your life, then you really need to read this book.
Well, I read this wonderful book over the summer holidays and in summary, all I can say is this book is outstanding and a truly helpful guide with some great exercises, tips and examples.
The book is broken down as follows:
Part One – How words impact our behaviour
Part Two – Words to use, words to avoid and other influencing factors when communicating
Part Three – Difficult conversations and how to manage these.
Bob certainly takes you further than my little blog. So if you are looking to bring more energy into your life, then you really need to read this book.
September 5, 2021
OMG this book was so boring. It was painful to finish.
October 7, 2016
Don’t offers readers a fascinating look at the way words impact our behavior, as well as the behavior of those around us.
Utilizing numerous studies and research findings, Bob Selden delves deeply into the reasons why the words we choose matter, and how simply re-shaping statements from negatives to positives can make a world of difference in communication and leadership abilities.
Full of real-life examples and practical exercises to help hone your skills, Don’t explains which words to use, which to avoid, and the correct way to use words to diffuse conflict in difficult situations -all the while helping readers develop a more positive outlook through using more positive language.
Don’t is a fascinating book that will inspire you to take a deeper look at how you communicate -revealing just how impactful words can be, and how changing our words can actually change how we think and interact with others.
Wow- as an avid student of animal learning theory and behavior, I was struck by the parallels between positive-reinforcement training and the information presented in this book regarding human behavior and motivation. Many of the basic concepts are the same, especially when it comes to the notion of “don’t” (or “no”) -words positive dog trainers drop in favor of teaching incompatible replacement behaviors (“do this instead”). In a similar fashion, Selden teaches readers how to re-frame “don’t” statements into positive instructions, changing difficult conversations and situations from negative to positive for the best possible outcome. I enjoyed reading the real-life success stories as well as the intriguing, if not sometimes humorous, studies, and appreciated the summaries at the end of each of the book’s three parts. In addition to discussing which words to use and avoid, Selden also covers topics such as the importance of tense and inflection, and how certain words impact specific regions of the brain. Includes a 21-day plan to help you get started in using more positive language.
This is a fantastic book not only for those in a management or a leadership position, but also for anyone who would like to improve their communication skills and develop a more positive perspective in general. An intriguing and insightful read, highly recommended!
I received a free copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.
Check out this review on my blog: EpicBookQuest.com
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