The Gift to Listen, the Courage to Hear

by Cari Jackson

The Gift to Listen, the Courage to Hear interweaves listening techniques with spiritual principles that emphasize the importance of listening and provide a framework for more effective listening. Author Cari Jackson explores common causes of communication breakdowns and offers strategies for moving toward communication breakthroughs. This book will deepen the rewards of every type of human relationship.

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

Reviews

[Andy Hickman · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The Gift to Listen, the Courage to Hear by Cari Jackson”
Notes & Quotes:

Human interaction:
• People need to feel safe
• People need to be heard
• People become more loving and willing to share (page x)

Listening is inter-personal and inner-personal (page xi)

Chapter 1-
Holy listening is to “listen” another’s soul into life – Douglas Steere (p.1)
It is “the ministry of presence” (p7)

Chapter 2-
Sometimes people struggle to share thoughts and feelings. Most people long to have someone’s full, undivided listening attention to help them share and sort out their thoughts and feelings. (p12)
Don’t multi-task when listening!

Chapter 3-
Honouring the feelings of the person speaking; e.g. family members who never get chances to be heard, they drift away, and are later accused “you never told us.” (p17)
Suppressed or denied feelings create emotional distance between you and others – relationships gradually die – no one knows when or why the death happened. (p19)
Feeling-based language includes: “angry, confused, hurt, thrilled”
Intellect-based language includes: “understand, clear picture, need to do, what is the plan? What do you mean?” (p22)
“Feelings are so fluid and at times contagious, so take care to distinguish yours from those with whom you communicate.” (p24)
Avoid projecting or imposing your feelings. (p25)

Chapter 4-
People get busy fixing things they don’t understand. People don’t need to be fixed but to be understood. (p28)
When it is hard to know where to place your feet solidly in a conversation you may want to scream “let me out”. (p32)
Ten lethal listening styles:
1. Analyst
2. Co-optor
3. Drifter
4. Interrupter
5. Interrogator
6. Know-It-All
7. Pessimist
8. Over-explainer
9. Quick-fixer
10. Self-protector

Chapter 5-
“Fear response is prelingual and prerational, which means that it operates on a more basic, instinctual, primal plane than words and intellectual reasoning.”
Flight response behaviours include suddenly becoming very tired or sleepy. (p43)
Indicators of the freeze response include:
• Inability to express thoughts or feelings, or to make a decision.
• Looking glazed or staring into space.

We seek safety by fighting the perceived threat, feeling it, or freezing in place. (p53)
Our conversation partners are more likely to demonstrate fight, flight or freeze responses when we as listeners use one or more of the lethal listening styles [note chapter 4] (p54)

[Morgan Walker Annable · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I will return to many times. If everyone read this book and practiced it's wisdom, we would change the world.

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cari Jackson has taught herself how to listen. She knows that in this world of noise, listening and really hearing is an under utilized skill. She knows that most people know how to talk and really only hear what they are saying.

This book would be best used in a small group. Jackson gives excellent tools for changing habits and talking about the need for listening. It would be easier to follow her directions without some support from others.

However, I have read the book twice. It is short, but very useful.

[Benjamin Dueholm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very useful for practitioners or just for people who want to have better talking and listening relationships.