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Office Vortex: Jennifer Caress
At the offices of Drench and Spack, madness and conformity reign, so the new girl has a lot to learn. In this sometimes gruesome, sometimes hilarious tale, Office Vortex reminds us that office work for masochists.
The boss is a cheapskate, hellbent on making life at the office miserable, and the co-workers are either too passive, too aggressive, or just too crazy for her to get along with. And then the new girl spots it, the weird anomaly in the supply closet. It's harmless, isn't it?
Isn't it?
* * *
“My dear, let’s talk.” He sat one bottom cheek on top of my desk and let his leg swing. My boss leaned over his arm, which was resting on the swinging leg, and tried to get as close to my face as I would allow. His snobbish manner filled the room in a haze that made it hard to breathe. My fingers halted over the keyboard and I turned my head to face a speech that was guaranteed suck.
“Do you feel,” he began,” that your job performance is exemplary?”
Silence passed between us as I tried to figure out this guy’s angle. I released a
long, “Uh…” before I came up with this gem, “I don’t know. I guess. Maybe. Why?”
He took a deep breath in through his nose and gazed up at the ceiling. “We’ve
been noticing that your work isn’t as thorough as it could be. Frankly, we’ve noticed some mistakes.” He paused and I paused.
“A solid chunk of me dies every single workday,” I said, quietly. If he noticed he didn’t care.
“I need you,” he said, never looking directly at me, “to turn up the volume, to turn up the quality of work you are producing. I need you to try and keep this job. Am I clear?”
“I’d rather paper cut myself to death,” I said, a little louder.
“Good,” he slapped my shoulder so hard I thought he might have knocked it out of joint.
The boss is a cheapskate, hellbent on making life at the office miserable, and the co-workers are either too passive, too aggressive, or just too crazy for her to get along with. And then the new girl spots it, the weird anomaly in the supply closet. It's harmless, isn't it?
Isn't it?
* * *
“My dear, let’s talk.” He sat one bottom cheek on top of my desk and let his leg swing. My boss leaned over his arm, which was resting on the swinging leg, and tried to get as close to my face as I would allow. His snobbish manner filled the room in a haze that made it hard to breathe. My fingers halted over the keyboard and I turned my head to face a speech that was guaranteed suck.
“Do you feel,” he began,” that your job performance is exemplary?”
Silence passed between us as I tried to figure out this guy’s angle. I released a
long, “Uh…” before I came up with this gem, “I don’t know. I guess. Maybe. Why?”
He took a deep breath in through his nose and gazed up at the ceiling. “We’ve
been noticing that your work isn’t as thorough as it could be. Frankly, we’ve noticed some mistakes.” He paused and I paused.
“A solid chunk of me dies every single workday,” I said, quietly. If he noticed he didn’t care.
“I need you,” he said, never looking directly at me, “to turn up the volume, to turn up the quality of work you are producing. I need you to try and keep this job. Am I clear?”
“I’d rather paper cut myself to death,” I said, a little louder.
“Good,” he slapped my shoulder so hard I thought he might have knocked it out of joint.
20 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 26, 2015
About the author
Jennifer Caress
13 books14 followersBorn and raised in Colorado, my early reads included Mr. Popper's Penguins (which I incorporated into sleepwalking episodes), Ramona Quimby series, and Nancy Drew. Lois Duncan was a HUGE influence at an early age and I transended to Anne Rice in my high school years.
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
December 13, 2018
A delightful romp that combines the obvious soulmates of soul crushing office politics and genuine eldritch horrors. Well written, quite readable and highly recommended!
Displaying 1 of 1 review