الحب هو كل ماتحتاج إليه وبضع كذبات أخرى عن الزوج

by John W. Jacobs

الكتاب يحتوي على 7 فصول تحتوي على سبع كذبات قيلت عن الزواج أعدك بأنك ستسمتع به و تستفيد منه رحلة موفقه .

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Marriage, Personal Growth, Relationships

324 pages, Hardcover

First published March 1, 2004

Reviews

[شيماء فؤاد · Rating 5 out of 5]

تالت أروع كتاب عن الزواج أقراه في حياتي .

[Rachelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've sifted through a lot of marriage books trying to find ones that agree with my values and I don't think it is an easy task. I think there are really a lot of confusing and misguided ideas out there about marriage. Although I don't agree with every single thing in here... I appreciated a lot of ideas. For one I like that is starts with a historical perspective on marriage. How is our current culture chipping away at the long standing traditional marriage? I thought it was very interesting to read about how the women's movement, greater prosperity as a nation, the sexual revolution and other signs of our times have affected our view of marriage.

I also liked the underlying theme of the book which is simply that in order for a marriage to be successful... it is going to take more than just love. He addresses the lie that seems to destroy a lot of relationships that marriage is - or should be - blissfully romantic all the time. Expectations are unreasonably high. If our spouse does not constantly keep us happy we believe we have a failed marriage. I am reminded of a quote by President Hinckley "true love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion." He also once quoted someone who said, "Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed." The quote continues on to teach that even successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. The aspect this book misses is of course the Atonement. It is true that love is not enough if we are referring to the love the world has to offer. But then there is "the pure love of Christ" that is infact powerful enough to overcome all hardships. But cultivating that love in our own hearts... is indeed hard work. I have come to believe that nothing worthwhile comes easily. I believe that goes for a strong marriage as well. Learning to sacrifice, to be unselfish, to stop judgment, overlooking the faults of others and having the humility to see our own faults... is hard, hard work. But learning those skills... can make not only our marriage, but everything about our lives more worthwhile. This book got me thinking and questioning some of my views on marriage and considering what it is that really matters. I think it was worth the time and I'd recommend it to anyone who wants a fresh perspective on marriage today.

[أخضر أخضر · Rating 4 out of 5]

"لا بأس، ما دمنا نحب بعضنا بعضًا فسوف نكون قادرين على حل أي مشكلة"
هذه الأكذوبة واحدة من تصورات مغلوطة عدة عن الزواج تلقيناها وتربينا عليها من الدراما والسينما وحتى الأقاصيص والحكايات في التراث الشعبي، نتخيل الحب هو "السوبر هيرو" الذي سينقذ العلاقة من أي شيء في أي وقت.. وكم من مرة شاهدنا فيها الحب تحت أقبية المحاكم شاهدًا على صراع شريكي الحياة رغم عهدهما باسم الحب أن تُحل كل الكوارث الكبار.

بالإضافة إلى أكذوبة "الحب وحده يكفي" يعرض جاكوبس لنا 6 خرافات أخرى عن الزواج تضر بالعلاقة وتفسد صحتها؛ يوضح كل تصور من التصورات الخاطئة وحقيقته وكيف يمكن تجاوزه والتغلب عليه أو عدم الوقوع فيه، سواء اتفقت معه أو اختلفت معه في نقاط بعينها لن يسعك إلا الثناء على الكتاب وعلى أهميته للمقبلين على الزواج ومن هم في شراكة حياتية الآن بالفعل.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book for relationship insight. I understood what the writer was doing with the first chapter on myths and presenting an us-against-the-world view of marriage but I felt it was just distracting from what was great about the book, i.e. the rest of it!

[Nermeena Mohamed]

قديماً كان ينتهي الزواج بموت أحد الشريكين غالباً لقِصر أعمار الناس حينذاك بسبب الحروب والأمراض والمجاعات، كان الزواج بهذا النمط أكثر رومانسية من الزواج في عصرنا، وكانت المشكلات الزوجية عند أجدادنا هامشية لا تؤثر في سعادتهم كثيراً، إذ كانت السعادة مرتبطة بالبقاء والوجود في ظل تحديات طبية وحربية واقتصادية طاحنة، ثم دخلت منظومة الزواج طورها الجديد لتصبح شكلاً من أشكال الشراكة الاقتصادية بين الطبقات الاجتماعية، والآن صار الزواج عندنا مرتبطاً ارتباطاً وثيقاً بالسعادة، فلا نتصور إمكان استمرارية الزواج مع التعاسة، بل نبحث عن الشريك الذي يحقق لنا السعادة.

[Scarlet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was easy to read. The theme flowed nicely. I did gained some insight about marriage. Women are brought up to believe in happily ever after that when reality hits is like a a splash of ice cold water in the middle Of a tantrum. Finally, someone out there has articulated that the notion of unconditional love is a fallacy! Marriage is hard work and perseverance...and that is the very reason why I leave it to the strong ones.

[Rue Koegel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kinda want to recommend reading the epilogue first. It's very moving and positive, where the earlier dissection of why marriages fail is pretty dreary and sad, though true and important. But at the same time not everyone is familiar enough with marriage in modern times to really appreciate the epilogue without first absorbing the books earlier contents

So, if you think you have a pretty good grasp on the idea and struggles of modern marriages, consider reading the epilogue first. Otherwise, know that their is hope, don't get too knocked down by the book basically being a list of why modern marriages fail. There are solutions to address those things too. People just have to do the work, and share what that looks like with each other and their children.

[Leslie Jonsson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A excellent book on the reasons people want to stay, and leave their marriages; and what marriage counseling is really like.

[Shirin Abdel Rahman · Rating 4 out of 5]

يفند بعض الأكاذيب الشائعة عن الزواج و العلاقة بين الرجل و المرأة.

[Sitha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very useful for me. It helps to see and review ourself related to our relationship with spouse and it helps us to see the facts in a marriage relationship. As an adult, we surely do not need 'blind love'. Moreover, sometimes we just consider our spouse will accept us as we are in the name of love. We should realize that people can change, so can our spouse. So if we 'maintain' our bad habits, our spouse may can accept at early years, but then? Who knows! It can be a 'nice' topic to be debated everyday. So, be a better person everyday...

One thing that is important as well, communication. I used to say that the communication is the key in the marriage. But through this book, I find out that it is not just a communication, but "an effective communication". If you yell to your spouse, that's a communication, but not effective.

In addition, not only psychological or personality character that can make the marriage is not working, but also because of historical, cultural and social factors.

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this book and have already started using some of the positive communication techniques. It did exactly what he said it would do :) Reed is now going to read this book also and I'm going to buy it. It's one of those books that you need to keep on hand for re-reading. One of the great points that the author makes that really rings true for me is that our society has changed with more women working outside of the home (for whatever reason) and couples wanting an egalitarian marriage. But there are no role models for these couples to make that type of marriage work so they go into an "egalitarian" relationship with traditional values and it just doesn't work. I would recommend this to any married couple and although it's best if both members read the book, it's not necessary. You'll learn that changes that one person makes in a marriage can make a huge difference.

[Nunik Kartikarini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buku ini sangat bagus menjelaskan tantangan dalam perkawinan modern. Jacobs menawarkan sejumlah cara agar lembaga perkawinan modern bisa tahan lama. Ia akan mulai menjelaskan perbedaan pernikahan saat ini dan 100 tahun yang lalu, baik dari segi biologi dan budaya, akibat pergeseran nilai terhadap pernikahan, contoh kasus yang pernah dihadapi, menawarkan dan menelaah berbagai solusi, dan memaparkan pilihan dan konsekuensi yang diambil.

[Kipahni · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't learn anything new (Use "I" statements not "You" ect.) but I did like that since he was from a psychoanalitical side they lean heavy on child hood drama, so his is the first book I have read that has actually touched the subject of how your family influences your marriage. All the other chapters you could read on Yahoo! relationships.

[Cristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Aproape toate casatoriile,chiar si cele fericite,sunt greseli:in sensul in care aproape sigur(intr'o lume perfecta sau chiar cu putin mai multa grija in aceasta lume imperfecta) ambii parteneri ar fi putut sa isi gaseasca soti mai potriviti. Dar adevaratul suflet pereche este cel cu care esti casatorit.'

[Derek Traywick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found most of the information in this book extremely helpful. The aspect of placing language used to describe your current situation in the format of self inspection/expressionist views is brilliant!

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Has some very good points.
A lot of mistakes that I make and didn't realize how they effect a relationship, also some good pointers on how be make a happier relationship.
It was interesting.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

A few 4 and 5 star paragraphs, especially towards the beginning, but overall 3 stars.

[Azez · Rating 1 out of 5]

لا يخنلف عن رجال من المريخ ونساء من الزهره

اقرأ واحد منهم كفايه علشان تفهم كامل الصوره

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good, comprehensive book about top issues within marriages and some tools for how to talk about them and work through them. This book can offer couples a lot of hope!

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really good read on people and relationships. What you make of it is up to you.

[aqil]

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