My heart is on fire. For the first time in my life, I am awake and the desires I've pushed down are smoldering. The shadows of my youth are daring me to step away from them and new visions circle through my head including the possible intimacy I never before dared to dream.
My name is Nicky Young. This is my coming of age story and a saga of family dysfunction and alcoholism and how it affects every day choices, decisions and relationships. I want to live differently from my parents--an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother. I know I need to forgive, trust and open my heart, but those things are battles I'm not sure I can win.
As I look in the mirror, I am seeing a new woman emerging--one I'm not sure of and trying hard to discover. The lack of affection in my household made me understand it wasn't wise to get too close to anyone. Rage and violence lurked when we became vulnerable and the way I learned to protect myself was to build high and thick walls of dense around my heart. I dream about having a full, open and intimate relationship. I want an adult romance but I'm not I can trust myself that much.
Now a man, a professional baseball player named Ryan Tilton seems to be a kindred spirit. Having lost his father at fourteen and knowing what abandonment feels like, I feel a connection that's as deep as I've ever felt. But he goes on the road every two weeks. I can't express the doubts and the feelings I have about all the women attracted to him for fear he'll choose one of them while I battle my spiritual beliefs of having sex before marriage. Can he wait for me? Can I understand his challenges and my own?
This is my battle: I'm fighting to break generational chains of dysfunction and addiction; understand and forgive the choices of my parents; love and trust myself so that I can love and trust another. This story is about transitioning into joy after growing up in fear and leaving those fears behind.
My passion is writing books that tell tell about family sagas through a love story. They detail leaving fears behind as the characters embrace intimacy and transition to joy. Broken Bottles, my first series, details those fears of growing up in a family battling alcoholism. Along with the struggle and pain of a parent's rage, there is intelligence, strength and survival. How to love intimately in all relationships is the challenge. For children of trauma, it can take years to let another person come close. When they do? It's like rainbows cover their heart.
Slowly, you'll read how the characters become vulnerable, reach for deep, sensual intimacy, and try desperately to let go of their fears. They struggle and risk everything to trust others--and themselves. My books are about daring to take baby steps that let them really come alive and in every way, experience and give love.
The small vacation rental/property management company I run with my husband in Sonoma County, CA, allows me to have the money to engage in my creative life. I love that I was born and raised in San Francisco. My father introduced me to baseball when I was six, a backdrop in Broken Bottles. I've rung a cable car bell and went to concerts in Golden Gate Park with my sister where Jimmy Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane and Santana once played.
I've written and published Shadow Heart and Fire Heart, and books 3 and 4 of Part I of Broken Bottles - Jagged Heart and Amazing Heart - will be released shortly. I'm honored to have 3 poems in an anthology called, The Beats Go On, an a story in Sisters Born, Sisters Found. I have also written a non-fiction book called, The Introverts Guide to the Galaxy: Attending Conferences.
My dream?
1. To finish Broken Bottles, a project of four parts and 15 novels.
2. To finished my Introverts Series.
3. To finish a series about brain trauma and how it impacts family and loved ones.
4. To create beautifully decorated and custom journals with gorgeous paper that accompany each book series: The Introvert's Journal, A Family Saga Journal, My Body's Journal, and so on. Journaling was a lifesaver for me. I was in shock. You may be in shock. Don't let that keep your heart frozen.
This book begins where Shadow Heart leaves off which is the day following the bonfire that Nicky attended with her friends. There is an intro that explains what has happened so far and Nicky goes back enough in her memories that you won’t really be lost too much if you didn’t read book 1.
I’m gonna be honest again and say, this book was as painful to read as book 1 if not more so. I do not care for the writing style at all and the characters drive me crazy. Both Ryan and Nicky are so childish when talking to each other at times and the texting back and forth… I can only thank the author for clarifying what each text message said otherwise I wouldn’t have known. NO ONE texts that way. Maybe back when cell phones first came out and you had to hit each button a number of times to get to the letter that you wanted but now? No way. Trust me, it was horrible!!!
If it weren't for Open Heart Press offering free ARC through netgalley I wouldn't have read this title but I was sent both book and committed myself to read. I will not be reading anymore in the series though and the only reason that I gave it two stars rather than one was because I did finish the book which by the way doesn't so much as end on a cliffhanger but more like midway through a thought which was really weird.
OK...now nicky and ryan are starting to grate my nerves...she's a little bit all over the place and this book was a bit more chaotic than the first one. as time passes, you want a person to grow, become more confident, believe in themselves more or get help. ryan is annoyingly pushier this go around and as i stated above...both characters are starting to make me want to smack them.
i thought the first one ended abruptly...this end was worse...almost like an incomplete sentence abrupt.
I thought this part of the story was better than the first book. I still think that the story should all be one book as it kind of just cuts off each time but the author did provide their reason for doing this. The dialogue between characters is still cringy and does not feel realistic to the age of the characters. There are also a lot of text message conversations throughout with ridiculous abbreviations. I don't think anyone talks like that. Other than that, I liked the plot of this book more than the first and besides the issues above, I thought the writing was better than the first book. To be honest, I don't think I would have read this if I didn't receive a free copy and I don't think I will read the third book at this time.
I received a copy via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Getting an email from NetGalley alerted me that both this book and the first, Shadow Heart, were available for reading. I took a step from my comfort zone of mysteries and thrillers to see what these two titles held. The first book left Nicky after a confusing and exhilarating night at a beach bonfire with Jerry while Ryan was away on a game tour. Today's book picked up the day after the events of that night and chronicled all the emotions on either end of the spectrum that both men brought out of her. Word of warning for this book - there was a large amount of information concerning sexuality and keeping oneself safe while engaging in adult activities. The information was very pertinent to a young adult in today's society, written to inform and empower both young men and women about their bodies. While the intimate situations between the young lovers weren't graphic, the instructional information was very much in the open between Nicky and her sister.
Once again, Nicky related her story through her point-of-view. The reader received a front row seat to the warring emotions and feelings that filled her mind and journal. Much of the cast of characters which made up the first book also appeared in this sequel. Both love interests, Ryan and Jerry, made her decision to choose very difficult by opening themselves up to her. Ryan allowed her to meet part of his family and revealed more of his own dysfunctional family. Jerry made his own attempts to capture her heart, but his focus was divided between Nicky and his budding baseball career. Nicky's family were more prominent in this particular book, especially her older sister. A few new characters made their way into the story and brought out some hidden secrets and set up future conflicts.
Much of the pacing seemed slow but steady for the entire book. For me, the only time events picked up speed was when Nicky was invited to go to L.A. with a girlfriend and that happened for a weekend. The slow pace did allow for a softening of Ryan's character and a deepening bond between Nicky and her sister, Jenise. The constant shift between still being a child and becoming an adult showed up many times in both dialogue and her thoughts/feelings as they appeared in the book. As with many confused young adults, she could wear the clothes and makeup, appearing much older than her eighteen years, but she still had the thought processes and feelings of a young teen. Without experiences to judge which direction to turn, she was smart enough to go to someone older for advice.
Overall, I thought the book was okay. It was a quick read that expanded on the themes and circumstances which began in the first book. I did like how Nicky grew stronger as the book progressed. While still low, her confidence level shifted and allowed her to voice her opinion more often, especially toward the end of the book. Dialogue filled a large portion of the character's interactions and provided most of the information necessary to move the story forward. The way the dialogue was broken into many paragraphs did distract me at times. It became easy to forget which speaker was talking. Some of the characters spoke in such a similar manner that it also contributed to the feeling that one person was speaking when the book showed two characters. All that aside, it was an okay sequel to the first book and set up a number of questions to be answered in the next book. This book should be on your TBR shelf if you've read the first book or if you're a lover of people overcoming dysfunction in order to find love again.
This book, thanks to input from reviews which has been invaluable, has been released and edited as of March 2016. It is a work of Fiction, A Coming of Age story of family, addiction, first love and social issues. I've tried to remove it from romance, although it does have a love story throughout, but Goodreads remains firm in their stance that it was originally presented as Romance and so it remains. Just a heads up!
Fire Heart takes Nicky more into her thoughts and search for intimacy, but she's still confused. She's frustrated and frustrating. She's extremely naive. Children of addiction can all over the place, from rebellious and very sexual, to very afraid of sex as Nicky is. She's only considered it for a few weeks. Novel 1, Shadow Heart, to Novel 2, Fire Heart, with a quick background of how Nicky meets Ryan and begins to feel for him, has spanned only a few weeks. Being very closed and afraid, she is not going to open this quickly. At least, that's how it was for me. More to the point, and also as important as finding intimacy with a lover, is her lessons and learning how to trust. She needs to understand that it's only when she fully trusts herself can she let another close. She's not consciously playing two boys. She doesn't even know what her feelings are quiet yet. She doesn't trust Ryan, and doesn't trust Jerry. The only thing that she has really been able to depend on in her life, is striving for her education. That, she can trust. She and her sister Jenise are getting closer, and she's made friends with women several years older than she is and sees a professional life on the horizon is what she really wants. If she gives in to a boyfriend, won't that all go up in smoke? Ryan is lost with her, Jerry is lost with her because they don't know what to grab onto. Her sister's rape has turned Nicky off about sex, and all these issues, and more to come, torment her when it comes to having an actual relationship with a boy, man, lover. She's just now making solid relationships with friends, after all. Throwing a lover in there has sent her into mass confusion. Fire Heart opens to more intimacy for Nicky. And just as she feels she's ready, she reverses. The lack of control for her means depending on others, and that is her biggest fear realized. She wants to jump from her Shadows. Her heart is on Fire, but can she?
When growing up in family addiction, fears of letting go of the relationships we know, whether stable or unstable, are difficult. Forming new friends and lovers is a risk that seems an impossibility to a child trying to survive the alcoholism of her parent. Broken promises are commonplace. Holding onto something familiar is what she's known, whether or not it seems a rational choice.
I grew up this way. I hope I've written the story so you the reader understands the challenges it leaves us with and you enjoy the reedited version.
We left Nicky in book 1 being pursued by the older more experienced baseball player Ryan Tilton and her childhood friend Jerry both of whom are chasing the virgin Nicky to have a relationship with them and to sleep with them. The book once again begins with an unpleasant childhood memory of Nicky’s and the theme once again continues through the book, though Nicky now seems to be learning from these flashbacks. At the end of book 1 Ryan had left to go on the road with the baseball team and had left Nicky with a list of people to contact to discuss how Ryan could have a positive effect on the lives of people in Nicky’s life should she choose to pursue a relationship with him. I was really a little uncomfortable with this part of the story as it felt very manipulative on Ryan’s part that given Nicky’s giving nature that she would choose him to help others in her life. Though the meetings all seem to reflect Ryan in a good way it remains to be seen if it is a manipulation. At the same time Jerry is away with his college team and Nicky is left to have time to think until her friend interrupts. Nicky travels on a modelling trip with her model friend Alex and is thrown into the high end business world where she feels she gets a view of what her life could be after Stanford and this causes Nicky to question the decisions she has to make regarding Ryan and Jerry. Questions made worse by comments made about Ryan and his playboy lifestyle. On her return home Nicky once again falls back into having dates with Jerry and starts to have doubts about whether Ryan would be right for her and so chooses to just cut off any contact with Ryan. And things almost move to the next level with Jerry. However once Ryan returns he is straight back to Nicky’s door and Ryan is in all out assault to win Nicky over and following a night of meeting family and opening up with each other the tables once again shift. After spending a night with an emotional Ryan, Nicky realises that her feelings for Ryan are a lot stronger than she had ever realised. She also realises that in opening up to Ryan she has also began to resolve issues with her family and grown closer again to her sister who helps her clear her head and see her feelings for Ryan clearly. Nicky seems all set to settle on Ryan yet while getting ready for a date once again makes arrangements with Jerry, I wanted to scream. Then just as you think all the foreplay is about to lead to these two finally sealing the deal Nicky’s thoughts began to cloud her thinking and her fears and doubts about her future take over. And as a reader you are once again left hanging at a most crucial time and left needing to know how Nicky and Ryan fare.
After a strong start, Nicky stumbles a bit in this installment: the emotions she IS feeling are at war with the ones she WANTS to feel, or thinks that she should be feeling. Ryan is far more demanding and controlling in this story, pushing for a commitment from Nicky but there are several roadblocks happening.
Pamela Taeuffer gives us an honest yet scattered portrayal of Nicky – all over the place as her own emotional connection with Ryan is scaring her. Her emotions and memories are all over the place: remembering past traumas, worrying about taking a chance that may end up with her being abandoned again, and her still questionable connection with Jerry, who, although he is closer in age and knows some of her history, isn’t necessarily mature enough to help her walk through her issues.
What I found is though emotionally the story rings very true, there is some peculiar and oddly styled writing that is both distracting and confusing. Well it may be that the author is trying to insert some of Nicky’s own thought processes into the story, and she is, most decidedly, all over the place; there was a disparity between who was speaking, dialog was often stilted, and there were several places where I just had to read back to see ‘who best’ fit the previous sentences.
Unfortunately, that just didn’t work for me – and while I see Nicky as quite unfocused and unsure, having major issues with her self-esteem and not trusting in herself enough to make a true decision, I wanted SOME decision made that she stuck to. Whether or not she believed wholeheartedly in the choice, I desperately needed her to make one. I wasn’t enamored with this installment, but I am hooked and need to know if Nicky finds some sort of resolution.
I received an eBook copy of the title from the publisher via NetGalley for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
In this book readers are reunited with Nicky and Ryan from Taeuffer's earlier book, Shadow Heart. In the first book we saw Ryan and Nicky begin an awkward courtship as their 8 yr age gap pulls them both towards other things in life. When book one ended we were left wondering which of Nicky's two possible love interests would finally win out. Book two was unsuccessful, yet again, in giving any solid confirmation either way. Nicky loves Ryan and he is head over heels for her. But her inability to commit and his ridiculous way of pressuring her leaves for a lot of hot, sweaty, and confusing emotions that still don't finalize one way or another. I respect the author's stance of attempting to draw their story our over more than one book, and I recognize her intent is to show the emotional confusion her characters are feeling as they fall for one another. However, the emotional leapfrogging is getting old, and the sex and commitment pressure that Ryan keeps laying on thick is getting tiresome. I'm engaged in the story, but my patience is wearing thin. In addition to these complaints, I'm also horribly aware of the terrible dialogue the characters continue to use. People, normal people anyways, do not talk like this. The insane number of terms of endearment used in one conversation is overkill. It is not realistic. Even relationships between teenagers or the inexperienced wouldn't be filled with the numbingly saccharine and low brow vocabulary and dialogue these characters continue to utter over and over again.. Example. "woman's chair" for a business woman's desk chair or "man breasts" for a man's pecks. Who talks like this?!
Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for allowing me this review opportunity. For all my less than stellar comments, I am still curious to see how things turn out in the next book. I've stuck with it this long; I've gotta see where it all finally ends.
Received through NetGalley "Fire Heart" is a continuation of the story began in "Shadow Heart". It actually read quicker than its predecessor particularly because the first third of the book had already been told in "Shadow Heart" so I was able to skim through that part. The repeat and prologue was a good thing for those who had not read the first in the series and caught the reader up adequately. Innocent Nicky and her continued confusion over her relationship with Ryan (and Jerry) and her disbelief that Ryan might really have feelings for her other than sexual in addition to her inability to commit to either of the men was starting to wear on my patience. The 'heat' of the relationship between Nicky and Ryan was there (as far as Nicky would allow, that is) but was spoiled by the terminology used for intimate encounters, anatomy, etc. Bring her cactus flower to bloom? Intimate fluids? His volcanic chest? Her soft lady spot? I understand this is a coming-of-age novel but no teenager or young adult (or older adult for that matter) speaks this way. Those phrases read more like a Regency romance, felt out of place in this modern era story and detracted from the special moments of these scenes. I enjoyed the maturity shown by Nicky in "Shadow Heart" but found little of it in "Fire Heart". For me the story fell flat and ended on yet another ugly cliffhanger. Despite my enjoyment of the first book in this series and enthusiasm to see the conclusion of Nicky and Ryan's story my frustration level is just too high and I will have to say goodbye to this series.
If you haven’t read the first book in the Broken Bottle series, stop here. This book picks right up where the first left off. Let me start with saying that while I didn’t find the start of this story to be nearly as intriguing as the start of Shadow Heart, overall I enjoyed this second book more than the first. I really feel like I get Nicky’s character now. Plus you get a better glimpse at Ryan and some of his current struggles.
This second book is full of steam. There are some highly sensual moments that’ll really get your blood flowing. You get a full on glimpse of Ryan trying to tear down those ever-prevalent walls.
The dialogue in this second book was better than the first, and I only questioned a couple scenes. Nicky still aggravated me in this story, but more sense was made of why she is the way she is. I also really enjoyed seeing Nicky’s relationship with her sister grow. Overall, you can see Nicky grow as a person, and it’s apparent that Ryan is a massive force behind that change. I really began to feel hope for Nicky.
I was saddened by the cliffhanger again. The third book, Jagged Heart is supposed to be coming soon where all the lingering questions will be answered. I really feel this story would have worked best as one stand-alone, but I’ll be looking forward to the next book, nonetheless.
*I received a copy via NetGalley and Open Heart Press in exchange for an honest review.*
This books focuses on Nicky getting a lot closer physically, to both Jerry and Ryan, but only emotionally to Ryan. My issues with the first book are still apparent. The whole she has no experience with guys and immediately jumps to being physical, if not all the way with two different guys, and with the idea that she's going to go wild and crazy in college. It's just a 180 personality shift that just isn't realistic. Seeing as your personality is formed by 14 if not 12 and barring any traumatic experience after that age and that's it. That's your personality for life, Nicky is 18 her personality has been set for 4 years that big of a personality shift wouldn't happen with no provocation at all. Granted this would bother me a lot less if this was anything but realistic fiction, but I digress.
This book made me fall in love with Ryan he is super sweet and just portrayed as an amazing, caring, deep guy. The only thing that bugs me is his texting. He's 25 and texts like a 12 year old girl with text speak that requires translation. I'm 21 and haven't seen people text like that... ever.
The book was a good book with a great message, there are just parts of it that bother me enough to make me not like the book. However, just because these things bother me doesn't mean that they'll bother anyone else.
I received an ARC from the Publisher and NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
"Fire Heart" continues the story of Nicky and Ryan. This story has more involvement between Nicky, her sister Jenise, her friend Alex, and Ryan. Jerry seems to drop in out of the blue just to push Nicky into becoming his girlfriend and giving him sex. I am still unsure what purpose Jerry serves in the story except to cause distraction for Nicky.
Ryan is pushing Nicky too hard to commit to him and have an intimate relationship. Nicky is insecure and unsure what she wants. She is unsure she wants to tie herself down to one guy at this time. She wants to go off to college and experience life.
This book ends with Nicky expressing doubts to herself mentally about what she wants and if she can trust this relationship and Ryan.
I am curious to see where the author takes this story next.
A copy was provided by Netgalley for an honest review.
Fire Heart is book two of the Broken Bottle series and moves at the same slow pace of Shadow Heart. In book two, we get to know Ryan and Nicky’s sister Janise better. And we also get to continue with the inner ramblings of Nicky. She is confused about what she wants in life and her relationships with the men in her life. She is frustrated and quite frankly frustrating me.
I really wanted to like Ryan but he just came across as passive aggressive. He was so persistent and kept pushing for more while being so soft. He was such a contradiction I really could not like him which is saying something since I really did not like Jerry. But I have to hand it to the guy, he is extremely patient with Nicky and her frequently changing mind.
I hated the first book because I hated the characters, especially Nicky, but I had this book already so I went ahead and read it. I still really dislike Nicky in this book; at least in the first book she wasn't a liar, but in this one she is, so she even worse than in the first book. She still can't make up her mind and she's stringing 2 guys along, and she can't make a decision; whichever guy she's with is the guy she'll let kiss all over her; it's ridiculous. I can't stand her. This book is pretty much the same as the first, but she has more time with Ryan. There's a cliffhanger, so there's going to be another book; I don't know if I can handle another book with Nicky, but I hate not knowing what happens, so I'll probably just read some spoilers or something for the next book. I do kind of want to know what happens, that why this book gets 2 stars instead of 1.
In Fire Heart Nicky Young is trying to walk a path toward taking charge of her life. She has been accepted to Stanford, is making new friends, and is starting to get past the fears caused by a childhood of living with her unpredictable alcoholic father. Ryan, the young man seems to be falling in love with her, is trying to build the foundation of trust with her so that they can have a real relationship.
This story shows the complexity of truly building trust for the first time in someone’s life. Nicky has very good reasons for her wariness, and has become more focused on building her life in a way where she will not have to rely on anyone but herself. I think that the story finds a lot of impactful moments when exploring how tough it is emotionally for Nicky to reach out for something she can’t control.
Received for w honest review from NetGalley. Again- 2-3 stars. Fire Heart is a lot like the first book in this series. It was really wordy and by the end I didn't feel like I was much farther along than I was from the start of the book. The book was almost like a text book on the subject of sex -Things a young women needs to know before they have sex. As much as it would be helpful it was a little to ..to... stiff ( no pun attended.) the relationship was just as confusing to Nicky as it was to me, even through it seem to explain things left out in book one. All in all, it had some good sections but didn't seem to flow well.
"Fire Heart," is strangely worded and put together. Odd wording makes reading this book unpleasant because the flow is constantly interrupted by trying to make sense of it. It's also frustrating trying to figure our which character is speaking. Sometimes, that's because of inappropriate paragraph changes and other times it just doesn't say who spoke and what is said doesn't make it clear. I'm ambivalent about the story itself but the above issues and stilted dialogue made the book off-putting. I read this book and the previous one in the series, "Shadow Heart," because Netgalley offered free copies in exchange for reviews. I won't be reading any future books in the series.
I'm giving this three stars because it was good but a bit repetitive for me. I feel like a lot of book one was happening again in book 2 Niky is STILL uncertain about Ryan. There is a lot of "be a good boy" but my mind is saying, No no honey he is a man! Niky has a lot of trust issues and absolutely no experience with boys. This is a story about a girl becoming a woman. Niky has a plan she has been working on all of her life. She knows a relationship will only throw her off so she's battling her feelings for fear of losing her dreams.
I'm real puzzled on this one. This may be a fence book. I would definitely read the next one, only because of the damn cliffhanger. Ugly cliffhanger. Nicky is so indecisive, and such low self esteem. Not a real admiral character, and well.....neither is Ryan. I'm still trying to get why he wants her so bad. Instead of broken bottle...broken record seems apt. I know the author is going for something here, but I'm lost. Overall entertainment....three stars.
Much like the first book in this series, the characters and dialogue seem a bit shallow. Then again, they are teeanagers and maybe this is how teenagers really act these dys. I don't know many of them, so I can't say. I just felt the main points of the story, dealing with alcoholism and dysfuntion, could have been better presented with a stronger story and less sexual encounters/dialogue.
Overall a decent read. Plot kept reader interested in what was to happen to the main characters. However as with the first book in series the text at times was juvenile sounding or unrealistic. I liked how the main character is struggling with the concept of losing her virginity and its not all about sex. The struggles shown by female characters are brutal but tactfully presented.
Ok I'm having a little trouble staying the with series it's all over the place with cliffhangers all around.
Nicky has such low self estem and Ryan is so infatuated with her with little to see why. It's like a merry go around at some points and couldn't stay wi it as much as the first book.
A great continuation to the first book. Nicky still struggles with her feelings and if she should act on them with Ryan and Jerry and who she should eventually chose. I can't wait to read the next book.
A great continuation to the first book. Nicky still struggles with her feelings and if she should act on them with Ryan and Jerry and who she should eventually chose. I can't wait to read the next book.
Fire Heart by Taeuffer is a story of restraint. One has to admire the guys not pushing it, like sex, because the protagonist is not ready. How realistic is this? Not in my world.