Rahulikumad, lihtsamad, rõõmsamad poisid

by Noel Janis-Norton, Kirke Tinno (Translator)

Poistes parima esiletoomine nii koolis kui kodus. Kindlad strateegiad, mis muudavad teie pereelu. Lihtsad strateegiad, mis toovad poistes esile nende parimad omadused.

See raamat aitab teil leida lihtsaid strateegiaid motiveeritud, koostöövalmi ja enesekindla poisslapse kasvatamiseks. Aastate jooksul paljudes peredes läbiproovitud tehnikate rakendamine aitab vanematel ohjad jälle enda kätte haarata. Selles raamatus:

iseseisvus ja mõistlikkus
keskendumisvõime ja impulsiivsuse kontrollimine
trots ja allumatus
agressioon
sotsiaalsed oskused ja suhted eakaaslastega
ekraaniaeg
kodused ülesanded ja akadeemiline edu
kaastunne ja taktitunne
majapidamistöödes aitamine


Raamat «Rahulikumad, lihtsamad, rõõmsamad poisid» on tulvil praktilisi soovitusi ja läbiproovitud tehnikaid, mis aitavad teil läbisaamist pojaga paremaks muuta.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Childrens, Audiobook

368 pages, Paperback

First published February 12, 2015

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has many great techniques and tools for parents to use. However, the author's view on mothers and fathers is disturbing.

"Unfortunately, a mother can also unintentionally undermine the father's authority and the father-son relationship by correcting or criticising the father in front of the children."

Huh? Now we cannot correct our partner when they are incorrect without undermining authority? What kind of nonsense is this?

"If a boy hear his father being reminded by his mother to take out the rubbish or mow the lawn or walk the dog, this will reinforce for the boy the stereotype of nagging females and put-upon males."

Ya'll... I just can't. No where in this book does Ms. Janis-Norton talk about stereotypes of how fathers treat mothers. Her opinions of mothers/fathers are down right scary. Children need to hear partners talking with one another about how to manage life. They need to hear negotiations and be involved in the running of the family. Mothers can help their boys learn sports. Fathers can take out the trash. And no one needs to play football to be a strong, confident kid.

[Sarah Beaton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall I found the strategies explained in this book to be clear and helpful and I have already started implementing many of them in my parenting. However, the author’s views on gender/parental roles in this book are so dated that if she didn’t mention tablets/screen time, I would have assumed it was written 50 years ago. I think the author wrote this book based on a family structure of working dads and stay-at-home mums. She mentioned many times about fathers who work long hours etc but does not mention mothers who work outside of the home and the balance of work/home life and the heavy mental load that mothers carry and how this affects children and parenting.

[Leanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of helpful tips but it's really long and you have to wade through an awful lot to get to the bits I found would help. Took bloody ages. I also felt like I needed to cherry pick what I could handle doing as there's a lot to do and I couldn't possibly manage it all. Worth a read. Best bits were on independent play, homework and reluctant readers. A lot of this still applied to my daughter as well as my boy.

[Tiffany Loomis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good to visit the parts that really apply to your challenges as a parent. Most strategies would work with both boys and girls. Very long. Didn’t realize what I was getting into.

[Amber Fioritto · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend. I have 3 boys under 6 and after using Noels tricks the last month I have already noticed significant improvement with how I handle situations and how my boys respond.

[Diana Cabrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. I already started practicing the strategies throughout the book and have already noticed a difference in my 4 year old son, Kai! I feel like this book handed me the secret to successful parenting.

My favorite strategy in the book is called descriptive praise. Instead of always correcting my kids and giving them attention when they’re doing something wrong, instead I pick out the things they are doing right and praise them for that. It’s all about giving attention to the good things they are doing instead of the bad. And honestly, I’ve been getting sick of my own voice. I don’t want to nag them and this strategy has made me check myself. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or someone else, breaking something, or breaking a family rule/value, I just don’t say anything. It’s very freeing. If they are doing something that annoys me, I focus on when they stop and praise them for stopping. If anything, it has given me so much positivity back in motherhood. It’s quite amazing how many good things your kids do in a day if you watch for it.

Another thing I’ve loved implementing is giving Kai more responsibility. I’ve put him in charge of things he has the ability to do like cleaning his room, changing his clothes, and getting ready to leave the house. Even though it takes longer to do everything, I’ve just accepted we’re going to be late to things (we were anyways + I would be all wound up from yelling) but it’s also given me more time to focus on myself and getting my 2 year old ready for things. Most importantly though, I’m giving Kai core skills he needs at the right age and the confidence that he can do things himself. He’s so proud of himself when he does something new by himself.

I can’t recommend this book enough for parents, especially boy parents. There aren’t many differences between raising kids of any gender, but this book in particular does focus a little bit on ingrained characteristics of boys and how to handle them so that they work for you, your boys, and modern society.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Look, if you can get past some overgeneralising this book is incredibly helpful, and I find the strategies work almost immediately when you commit to doing this right. In fact I enjoyed listening to this so much I bought it in print as well so I can have it to refer to as we keep introducing Noel’s strategies.

[Krystin G]

Lots of great information. Like many critical reviews here mention, yes, there are also several generalizations, but the author plainly describes her reasons at the beginning, and I had no issues interpreting her instructions for my non-nuclear family. There's just too much good advice to pass over this book in the name of accommodation bias or the 'what about me' effect.

[Cat · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hakkasin jälle suure hurraaga lugema, sest raamatu skoor oli väga hea, aga läks nagu alati. Võib-olla ma olen praegu veel kohutavalt naiivne ning viie aasta pärast on see raamat mu piibel, aga hetkel jäi mulle kuidagi imelik tunne sisse. See raamat oli veidi nagu vana kooli koerte dresseerimise raamat, väga "Eins, zwei, drei! Ordnung!".

Esimene kolmandik oli üsna huvitav, sisaldas nippe, mida olen varemgi kohanud: kirjeldav kiitmine, peegeldav kuulamine jne. Oli häid uusi mõtteid: lapsega koos tegevuse läbimõtlemine näiteks. Lisaks klassikalised ära anna neile suhkrut, lase neil õues rahmeldada jne. Aga vahele oli pikitud kohti, mis panid mind endalt küsima "Oota, mida?" ja lugema neid abikaasale ette, et mida tema neist arvab. Ja edasi läks aina meeletumaks dresseerimiseks ja õpetlikeks mängudeks, et muidu see vaene poisslaps ei saagi kunagi üldse maailmas hakkama, sest ta on nii kontrollimatu, impulsiivne, tema suhtlemisoskus on "Me Tarzan, you Jane!" tasemel jne.

Rääkimata sellest, millised olid autori vaated meeste ja naiste rollidest peres:
"Kui vähegi võimalik, peaks kordamisoskust aitama omandada isa või mõni teine täiskasvanud meesterahvas. Teie poeg kuulab siis tähelepanelikumalt ja suhtub asjasse tõsisemalt."

"Isa roll on õpetada oma pojale, et haridus on oluline."

"Kui poiss kuuleb, et ema tuletab isale meelde, et prügi on vaja välja viia, muru niita või koeraga jalutada, kinnitab see poisi arusaama stereotüüpsest näägutavast naisest ja vaevatud mehest. Peamiselt võib see tekitada olukorra, kus poiss kaotab austuse isa vastu, sest too ei seisa enda eest ja ema vastu, kes näib pidevalt isa peale vihane olevat."

(siinkohal mainin, et ma usun ka, et isa roll on ikkagi tähtis ja isad peavad oma laste eest hoolitsema, nendega aega veetma ja neid armastama! aga kas just nüüd nii ekrelikult...)

Või siis näited väikestest autasudest:
"Poekassas raha kassiirile ulatamine ja tagastatud raha vastu võtmine." Mulle tundub see igapäevane tegevus, mida laps peaks saama teha, enda iseseisvuse ja julguse kasvatamise mõttes.
"Mõne nalja kuulamine selle aja kohta, kui ta veel beebi oli." Selge, nostalgilised perekondlikud mälestused on nüüd autasu, mida sa saad ainult siis, kui oled hästi käitunud.
"Vihmaga õues mängimine." ...laps saab õue mängima minna autasuks?

Või söögiaegade kohta soovitus: Näljane laps sööb oma kõhu täis umbes viieteistkümne minutiga, seega pange iga söögikorra alguses stopper käima. Ärge utsitage teda tagant ega meenutage talle ühegi sõnaga söömist. Kiitke kirjeldavalt, kui tal on meeles süüa. Kui stopperi aeg täis saab, on söögiaeg läbi. Isegi kui teie poeg on endiselt näljane, püsib ta järgmise söögikorra või näksini elus ja valmis rohkem söömisele keskenduma." Sorri, poja, 15 minutit on täis, väga kurb - õhtusöök läheb nüüd kappi. Hommikul saad uuesti!

Minu jaoks oli ka arusaamatu ekraaniaja kontrolli alla saamise juhend: "Kui lapsed paluvad, virisevad, vaidlevad, valetavad, kauplevad või oma ülesannetest kõrvale hiilivad, et veidi ekraaniaega juurde võita, aktiveerub aju osa, mida nimetatakse sõltuvuskeskuseks. Kuid kui teie poeg peab ekraaniaja ära teenima, aktiveerub selle teemaga seoses teine ajuosa, prefortaalne korteks. See on piirkond, mis muuhulgas tegeleb ratsionaalse mõtlemise, motivatsiooni, teo ja tagajärgedega. Seega aitab ekraaniaja väljateenimine poistel elektroonikast sõltumatuks muutuda." Et kuidas see helendav ja kiiret dopamiini pakkuv ekraan siis järsku nii ohutuks muutub, et ei aktiveeri sõltuvuskeskust, kui laps peab selle ees olemiseks peenraid rohima?

Ning jah, ma olen ka seda meelt, et üks laps võiks tegeleda vähemalt mingit sorti spordiga, et ta saaks end liigutada, aga kui peatükk "Spordioskuste arendamine" räägib ainult jalgpallist ja selle surumisest, siis ma mõtlesin küll, et Noel Janis-Norton, calm your British tits! Ta rõhutab, et kui suur osa iga poisikese elust Suurbritannias on jalgpall ning kui poisil puudub täielik huvi jalgpalli vastu, siis probleemiks on see, et ta võib tunda end üksikuna, kui tal ei õnnestu luua sidet teiste poistega. Ning kui poiss ei taha jalgpalli mängida, siis tuleb lihtsalt harjutada rohkem, sest teda on "võimalik koolitada normaalse võimekusega jalgpallimängijaks.". Isa peab lihtsalt temaga piisavalt harjutama.

Ja noh, lõppu ka klassikaline "miks on poistel akadeemiliselt raskem?": "Vanemaks saades hakkab poiste tähelepanu hajuma tüdrukute tõttu, kelle lühikesed seelikud ja kehasse liibuvad riided on puhas piin."

[Tory Cashman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay so this book started off great. And there are so many great tips and tricks in this book. However, the author has some very, very outdated views on gender roles.
Boys learn differently from girls. Thats a fact. But, that doesnt mean we cant continue to hold them to a higher standard. At one point she talks about how boys are distracted by girls and their "short skirts and form fitting clothes" and I nearly lost it. Why are we referencing what girls are wearing. Boys are distracted by their own hormones, why are we referencing girls like they are the problem. Anyways there are things in this book I will take away but I had a hard time with anything after that.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I dipped into and out of this book for several months. The techniques are good and I have put many to use. The book is rather repetitive: once you understand the techniques, they help you apply them to different situations. As with many parenting books, it felt like the main points could have been delivered in about 1/3 of the space.

[Sherain · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really helpful. There is so much information that it took me months to read. I found it really useful that it was specifically about encouraging boys towards good behaviour. I got something out of every chapter. Noel’s techniques work. Remembering to use them consistently is why I enjoy immersing myself in her books.

[Bethany Loper · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a big bite of a book but all of the information was so super helpful to me achieving an overall calmer lifestyle for my kids AND myself! Loved the tips to help me connect with my son and understand him better, which in turn helps me to get him motivated for learning how to navigate school and home. I would like to read calmer easier happier for "girls" and "homework".

[Miki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good review of positive parenting examples and specific wording to help with challenges kids present. I felt diminishing returns reading the book, which is probably why it took me 1.5 years to finish.
This book focuses specifically on boys and I found several of Noelle’s stereotypes at once offensive and useful ;P.

[Zach Freeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very straightforward and helpful parenting books that is boy-specific (with all the caveats that not ALL boys are a certain way, etc. etc.). This one really felt like it captured a mix of real life advice as well as academic and child-rearing philosophy (which can sometimes feel very disconnected from on the ground parenting). Already feeling like the advice in this book has been useful.

[Kristina Courtepatte · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book for my eight-year-old son to see if we can help his listening skills and impulse control. It gives some very good pointers, but some of the book is hard to read due to gender stereotyping. Taking it with a grain of salt, it was very informative and a good refresher to things I should have already had in the back of my mind due to my early childhood diploma.

[Marica Ferri · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is useful and I will apply many of the techniques suggested. The family depicted is old fashioned with fathers working outside home and mothers staying at home with kids. In my family this is the otherway round, I will need to make the necessary adjustments. I think beyond the stereotypes thr book is useful to revognise the role and responsibilise the fathers.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author gives helpful tools for parenting both girls and boys. Descriptive praise works. The book mainly outlines ways that parents can be more thoughtful about the home environment, mental/verbal processes, and daily routines that allow children, especially boys, to thrive as they mature.

[Kristi Becker · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was super bought in to the first half of the book. There was some great ideas that we’ve already started implementing. The second half I skimmed. It was really repetitive and almost unnecessary. Also didn’t love the author’s views of the roles of men and women. It felt very dated.

[S. Garland · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
Really solid ideas, but I got the audiobook and straight up struggled through the condescending voice of the narrator. I can't read physical parenting books because I will fall asleep no matter how hard I try, and most of the down vote is due to the narrator.

[Yinxue · Rating 5 out of 5]

It just works.

[Nicole Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really interesting tips for me to use with my kids

[Tasha Cardwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been a game changer for our family! Applying these strategies had significantly improved my son's confidence and cooperation!! 😍

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good tips. Easy to skim format with nice chapters and summaries At the end. Pretty sexist in places. And some parts high level some
Really detailed.

[Marion · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of great helpful information. Love love.

[Louise Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

The techniques that Noel introduces work and this is a reassuring read if you've ever wondered if your little boy has ADHD or similar because of their inability to focus rather than jump about, whoop and generally make mischief.

It's easy to read, well structured and with short, encouraging summaries of people with boys who have used the techniques to good effect. I marked down from 5 as actually it is hard to achieve all she asks you to do (especially with homework and special time) if you have more than two kids and work - but I'll do my best.

[Katrina Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a fantastic book. The descriptions and ideas were all highly relevant to our own family, and I believe they would be helpful to most parents and teachers of boys. Grandad is reading the book now, and he has commented on the relevance and good sense of the material. It's a clear, easy read. It's available at our local library, which is even better!

[Susie Kong · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was brilliant for knowing how to discipline boys and encourage nice behaviour.

I think I need to read it again as there was so much in it and I am using a lot of the techniques already. It covered how to manage screen time and homework and bedtimes and lots of other things. I am in no way perfect for everything but the things I have applied have already made the difference.

[Stewart Morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not normally one for reading parenting books but thought this was full of really interesting, useful tips and strategies. You might want to ignore a few sweeping generalisations about gender roles, but this doesn't negate the otherwise useful content.

[Carolin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really good advice that was easy to put into practice. Never finished the book, but got some good nuggets that seem to make a difference.