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352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1976
"El amor es el último y secreto nombre de todas las virtudes."Para todo aquel que sienta el deseo de conocer este mundo particular,
“Que el espíritu del amor y de la verdad y de la paz habiten en tu corazón, ahora y siempre.”
I wish I had a goddess to grab me by the hair and tell me what to do, thought Henry.
Ever since childhood he had appreciated unconsciousness.
"I've no idea. Education is so easy nowadays, they cut out all the hard bits, it's just a form of entertainment. I should have thought it would have suited you all right while you were waiting for the lanky long-haired boy who is your natural mate."
"You could drop me here."
Henry stopped the car at the corner of the lane which led to Pennwood. "You promise you won't be molested and raped before you reach home?"
"I'll be all right. Thank you very much."
"What for? Good night."
Colette got out, slammed the door, vanished.
"You are in a dream state. Ordinary human consciousness is a tissue of illusion. Our chief illusion is our conception of ourselves, of our importance which must not be violated, our dignity which must not be mocked. All our resentment flows from this illusion, all our desire to do violence, to avenge insults, to assert ourselves. We are all mocked, Christ was mocked, nothing can be more important than that. We are absurdities, comic characters in the drama of life, and this is true even if we die in a concentration camp, even if we die upon the Cross. But in reality there are no insults because there is nobody to be insulted. And when you say 'there is no one there' perhaps you are on the brink of an important truth."
"I was crazy. It could never have worked, like that anyway. I used to think there were two things in the world, you and somehow what you stood for, and the hell where nothing matters but money. Now I think there's only one thing in the world. The hell where nothing matters but money."
"We've come together and it's fate, you were made for my situation and my problem. I asked the world a question and you were the answer. I've never been able to make love to a woman like I have to you. And don't say 'then it's just sex.' What do you mean, 'just sex'? Everything is sex, your hankie with the lipstick on it is sex, and the Volvo is sex, and that blue road sign and the moss on the gate and the silly old lark singing and the way I want to look after you. I've never wanted to look after anybody before, I've never had anybody to look after before, I've never had anything of my own since my mother took away my teddy bear."
"I've lost my self-esteem and I didn't ever know how much it mattered. It's a great defence against temptation. Now it's gone I feel every sin can tempt me, you name it, I'll do it. Once that spiritual decor is stripped away there's nothing but a demon left."
Was something going to happen in his life at last? Would he be called upon to make great choices, world-altering decisions? Would he be able to?
If only, he [Lucius] thought, art does not finally fail me. If I can only go on writing something I shall be all right. Perhaps I could write my political autobiography as an epic poem? God, how the time has passed. How can a whole life time pass so quickly with so little done? I thought I would achieve wisdom in the end, and now it is the end and I am still a fool. Well, there’s life in the old creature yet. He took out his notebook and wrote:
The old grey heron
Seeks among the streams of his youth
For one pure source. (p.292)