What do you think?
Rate this book
I Once Had a Master
John Preston brings it back to the basics: a hand on a neck, a boot that needs a spit shine, a trick who leaves with bruises and sweet memories. In books such as the S/M classic Mr. Benson, Preston explored power exchange in all its battered beauty. The sex stories in I Once Had a Master combine a hard-core sensibility with rare psychological insight.
In "Authenticity," a top turns down two fawning bottoms in full leather regalia in favor of the sweet-faced novice who offers genuine surrender. In "Pedro," a college boy has a summer affair with a truck driver and finds himself flirting with other men just to provoke his lover’s rage. The lonely bottom in "Interludes" develops his body to perfection, then seeks out the Daddy who will cherish this gift.
In "Authenticity," a top turns down two fawning bottoms in full leather regalia in favor of the sweet-faced novice who offers genuine surrender. In "Pedro," a college boy has a summer affair with a truck driver and finds himself flirting with other men just to provoke his lover’s rage. The lonely bottom in "Interludes" develops his body to perfection, then seeks out the Daddy who will cherish this gift.
142 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1984
5 people are currently reading
242 people want to read
About the author
John Preston
51 books76 followersJohn Preston wrote and edited gay erotica, fiction, and nonfiction.
He grew up in Medfield, Massachusetts, later living in a number of major American cities before settling in Portland, Maine in 1979. A writer of fiction and nonfiction, dealing mostly with issues in gay life, he was a pioneer in the early gay rights movement in Minneapolis. He helped found one of the earliest gay community centers in the United States, edited two newsletters devoted to sexual health, and served as editor of The Advocate in 1975.
He was the author or editor of nearly fifty books, including such erotic landmarks as Mr. Benson and I Once Had a Master and Other Tales of Erotic Love. Other works include Franny, the Queen of Provincetown (first a novel, then adapted for stage), The Big Gay Book: A Man's Survival Guide for the Nineties, Personal Dispatches: Writers Confront AIDS, and Hometowns: Gay Men Write About Where They Belong.
Preston's writing (which he described as pornography) was part of a movement in the 1970s and 1980s toward higher literary quality in gay erotic fiction. Preston was an outspoken advocate of the artistic and social worth of erotic writings, delivering a lecture at Harvard University entitled My Life as a Pornographer. The lecture was later published in an essay collection with the same name. The collection includes Preston's thoughts about the gay leather community, to which he belonged. His writings caused controversy when he was one of several gay and lesbian authors to have their books confiscated at the border by Canada Customs. Testimony regarding the literary merit of his novel I Once Had a Master helped a Vancouver LGBT bookstore, Little Sister's Book and Art Emporium, to partially win a case against Canada Customs in the Canadian Supreme Court in 2000. Preston also brought gay erotic fiction to mainstream readers by editing the Flesh and the Word anthologies for a major press.
Preston served as a journalist and essayist throughout his life. He wrote news articles for Drummer and other gay magazines, produced a syndicated column on gay life in Maine, and penned a column for Lambda Book Report called "Preston on Publishing." His nonfiction anthologies, which collected essays by himself and others on everyday aspects of gay and lesbian life, won him the Lambda Literary Award and the American Library Association's Stonewall Book Award. He was especially noted for his writings on New England.
Although primarily known as a gay fiction writer, Preston was also hired by a local newspaper, The Portland Chronicle, to write news articles and features about his adopted hometown of Portland. He wrote a long feature about the local monopoly newspaper, the Portland Press Herald, as well as many food articles movie reviews and other writing.
In addition, Preston wrote men's adventure novels under the pseudonyms of Mike McCray, Preston MacAdam, and Jack Hilt (pen names that he shared with other authors). Taking what he had learned from authoring those books, he wrote the "Alex Kane" adventure novels about gay characters. These books, which included "Sweet Dreams," "Golden Years," and "Deadly Lies," combined action-story plots with an exploration of issues such as the problems facing gay youth.
Preston was among the first writers to popularize the genre of safe sex stories, editing a safe sex anthology entitled Hot Living in 1985. He helped to found the AIDS Project of Southern Maine. In the late 1980s, he discovered that he himself was HIV positive.
Some of his last essays, found in his nonfiction anthologies and in his posthumous collection Winter's Light, describe his struggle to come emotionally to terms with a disease that had already killed many of his friends and fellow writers.
He died of AIDS complications on April 28, 1994, aged 48, at his home in Portland. His papers are held in the Preston Archive at Brown University.
Librarian Note: There is more th
He grew up in Medfield, Massachusetts, later living in a number of major American cities before settling in Portland, Maine in 1979. A writer of fiction and nonfiction, dealing mostly with issues in gay life, he was a pioneer in the early gay rights movement in Minneapolis. He helped found one of the earliest gay community centers in the United States, edited two newsletters devoted to sexual health, and served as editor of The Advocate in 1975.
He was the author or editor of nearly fifty books, including such erotic landmarks as Mr. Benson and I Once Had a Master and Other Tales of Erotic Love. Other works include Franny, the Queen of Provincetown (first a novel, then adapted for stage), The Big Gay Book: A Man's Survival Guide for the Nineties, Personal Dispatches: Writers Confront AIDS, and Hometowns: Gay Men Write About Where They Belong.
Preston's writing (which he described as pornography) was part of a movement in the 1970s and 1980s toward higher literary quality in gay erotic fiction. Preston was an outspoken advocate of the artistic and social worth of erotic writings, delivering a lecture at Harvard University entitled My Life as a Pornographer. The lecture was later published in an essay collection with the same name. The collection includes Preston's thoughts about the gay leather community, to which he belonged. His writings caused controversy when he was one of several gay and lesbian authors to have their books confiscated at the border by Canada Customs. Testimony regarding the literary merit of his novel I Once Had a Master helped a Vancouver LGBT bookstore, Little Sister's Book and Art Emporium, to partially win a case against Canada Customs in the Canadian Supreme Court in 2000. Preston also brought gay erotic fiction to mainstream readers by editing the Flesh and the Word anthologies for a major press.
Preston served as a journalist and essayist throughout his life. He wrote news articles for Drummer and other gay magazines, produced a syndicated column on gay life in Maine, and penned a column for Lambda Book Report called "Preston on Publishing." His nonfiction anthologies, which collected essays by himself and others on everyday aspects of gay and lesbian life, won him the Lambda Literary Award and the American Library Association's Stonewall Book Award. He was especially noted for his writings on New England.
Although primarily known as a gay fiction writer, Preston was also hired by a local newspaper, The Portland Chronicle, to write news articles and features about his adopted hometown of Portland. He wrote a long feature about the local monopoly newspaper, the Portland Press Herald, as well as many food articles movie reviews and other writing.
In addition, Preston wrote men's adventure novels under the pseudonyms of Mike McCray, Preston MacAdam, and Jack Hilt (pen names that he shared with other authors). Taking what he had learned from authoring those books, he wrote the "Alex Kane" adventure novels about gay characters. These books, which included "Sweet Dreams," "Golden Years," and "Deadly Lies," combined action-story plots with an exploration of issues such as the problems facing gay youth.
Preston was among the first writers to popularize the genre of safe sex stories, editing a safe sex anthology entitled Hot Living in 1985. He helped to found the AIDS Project of Southern Maine. In the late 1980s, he discovered that he himself was HIV positive.
Some of his last essays, found in his nonfiction anthologies and in his posthumous collection Winter's Light, describe his struggle to come emotionally to terms with a disease that had already killed many of his friends and fellow writers.
He died of AIDS complications on April 28, 1994, aged 48, at his home in Portland. His papers are held in the Preston Archive at Brown University.
Librarian Note: There is more th
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
March 17, 2013
John Preston, for me, was once all about Mr. Benson: A Novel It was the book everyone spoke about and referred to, and I enjoyed it (mostly) when I finally laid my hands on it.
Yes, it was hot, but it was fantasy.
This book should be required reading for everyone who wants to understand the dynamic between Dom and sub, simply because the author shows the different ways it can vary.
In his review, Jason Huffman-Black refers to the clinical detached style of writing, and after reading angsty emotional m/m romance it certainly comes across that way, but, again as Jason comments, after a while, you start to see the emotion lying under the surface.
Like a Dom who cares deeply for his sub but doesn't let on, John Preston cares about and understands the dynamics that can exist in different relationships.
None of these short stories are HEA. They aren't meant to be. The title of the anthology says it all. They are episodes that happen in subs and Doms lives that have meaning. Moments of growth and change.
The sex is mentioned more than shown. That's because the sex is not the point of the stories, it's the roles that are taken on and why they work for the people involved.
Each story has its own merits and its own lessons if you take the time to look at what is not being said as much as what is being said. Each may strike a different chord at a different time. They are all definitely worth re-reading.
Perhaps the story that resonated the most for me was the tale of the sub who, after losing one Master had built himself into the perfect specimen for another should he find one. The man he chose was amazed as he thought himself to be in a totally different league based on the physical beauty of this sub, but as the story goes on, you see the vulnerability beneath this brilliant exterior and the way that the Dom, simply because he understand his needs and is happy to fulfil them is the right man. The use of the word, Daddy, for once felt deserved and appropriate.
These stories are all about a man who, by submitting to the right master, grows and gains from the experience no matter how short it is.
Sometimes these subs outgrow their Masters, but the lesson is still the same.
None of these hook-ups are taken lightly. The story about the grey area between tricking and relating exposes some of the insecurities and vulnerabilities that can be much harder to deal with than the sting of a whip.
There is the insecurity of age and of weight. The torment of distance. The ongoing search for connection while at the same time keeping people at arms' length.
What makes this all the more fascinating is that it is a collection of stories that Preston admits were based on actual encounters he had along the way. The Master in all these stories is a version of himself. The stories a tribute to different subs he had. Each offering their own unique brand of submission and him gaining something from the experience and changing subtly even if he didn't appreciate it at the time. You can see a kind of search for something I don't think Preston ever found. The perfect ongoing relationship. Why didn't he? Perhaps he saw himself more as the Teacher (as much as a Master) he couldn't resist all these people he met who needed some direction in their life which he could give them.
The epilogue is also a fantastic insight into the whole concept of the meaning and place for pornography.
There is no way this book can be seen as such. Doing so would ignore the psychological dynamic that flows throughout. These aren't dolls strutting their stuff, they are real people with all their needs and insecurities even if sometimes dressed up as strengths. Particularly in respect to the narrator himself who senses the gaps in his life, but never expresses these doubts to another. You can't if you're the all-knowing Master.
Permeating it all, even if John Preston didn't realize it at the time, is this innocent, although that is probably not the right word, this blissful ignorance about the insidious plague that was to kill him and probably many of these men that he depicts, fictional or real.
In those days, they wove around each other in a dance of sex and emotional jousting never realising the real danger was not in being humiliated or hurt by a whip but in being killed by something so small they didn't even see it coming.
I'm so glad we've got a record of this past age in his words.
Yes, it was hot, but it was fantasy.
This book should be required reading for everyone who wants to understand the dynamic between Dom and sub, simply because the author shows the different ways it can vary.
In his review, Jason Huffman-Black refers to the clinical detached style of writing, and after reading angsty emotional m/m romance it certainly comes across that way, but, again as Jason comments, after a while, you start to see the emotion lying under the surface.
Like a Dom who cares deeply for his sub but doesn't let on, John Preston cares about and understands the dynamics that can exist in different relationships.
None of these short stories are HEA. They aren't meant to be. The title of the anthology says it all. They are episodes that happen in subs and Doms lives that have meaning. Moments of growth and change.
The sex is mentioned more than shown. That's because the sex is not the point of the stories, it's the roles that are taken on and why they work for the people involved.
Each story has its own merits and its own lessons if you take the time to look at what is not being said as much as what is being said. Each may strike a different chord at a different time. They are all definitely worth re-reading.
Perhaps the story that resonated the most for me was the tale of the sub who, after losing one Master had built himself into the perfect specimen for another should he find one. The man he chose was amazed as he thought himself to be in a totally different league based on the physical beauty of this sub, but as the story goes on, you see the vulnerability beneath this brilliant exterior and the way that the Dom, simply because he understand his needs and is happy to fulfil them is the right man. The use of the word, Daddy, for once felt deserved and appropriate.
These stories are all about a man who, by submitting to the right master, grows and gains from the experience no matter how short it is.
Sometimes these subs outgrow their Masters, but the lesson is still the same.
None of these hook-ups are taken lightly. The story about the grey area between tricking and relating exposes some of the insecurities and vulnerabilities that can be much harder to deal with than the sting of a whip.
There is the insecurity of age and of weight. The torment of distance. The ongoing search for connection while at the same time keeping people at arms' length.
What makes this all the more fascinating is that it is a collection of stories that Preston admits were based on actual encounters he had along the way. The Master in all these stories is a version of himself. The stories a tribute to different subs he had. Each offering their own unique brand of submission and him gaining something from the experience and changing subtly even if he didn't appreciate it at the time. You can see a kind of search for something I don't think Preston ever found. The perfect ongoing relationship. Why didn't he? Perhaps he saw himself more as the Teacher (as much as a Master) he couldn't resist all these people he met who needed some direction in their life which he could give them.
The epilogue is also a fantastic insight into the whole concept of the meaning and place for pornography.
There is no way this book can be seen as such. Doing so would ignore the psychological dynamic that flows throughout. These aren't dolls strutting their stuff, they are real people with all their needs and insecurities even if sometimes dressed up as strengths. Particularly in respect to the narrator himself who senses the gaps in his life, but never expresses these doubts to another. You can't if you're the all-knowing Master.
Permeating it all, even if John Preston didn't realize it at the time, is this innocent, although that is probably not the right word, this blissful ignorance about the insidious plague that was to kill him and probably many of these men that he depicts, fictional or real.
In those days, they wove around each other in a dance of sex and emotional jousting never realising the real danger was not in being humiliated or hurt by a whip but in being killed by something so small they didn't even see it coming.
I'm so glad we've got a record of this past age in his words.
June 16, 2023
Unbelievably refreshing to read something like this, particularly when so much of contemporary queer literature/media seems to portray gay sex as either 1.) a non-essential part of gay relationships or 2.) an endless procession of sad blow-jobs. I loved the matter-of-fact, taut prose. The way it treated sex as an emotional relationship. And the vulnerability!
March 8, 2011
When I reviewed the uber popular Mr. Benson, I was struck by the author’s writing and voice more than anything. So my next foray is into I Once Had a Master, a collection of short stories set in the same bald BDSM world. This collection is a stunning glimpse into the author’s mind and personal life. The writing is unembellished and in some ways clinical yet there is a wealth of subtle emotion available to the right reader. The focus is graphic sex, the beginning of gay erotica genre and incredibly successful at that. However there is infinitely more to the stories as well. If nothing else, this collection is incredibly compelling and fascinating as it depicts a lifestyle that is still relevant decades later.
The collection contains nine short stories and an epilogue. The epilogue is an essay written by Preston about his career writing at that time, what he calls pornography. He explains that this isn’t bad since he’s trying to entertain his readers more than anything. If his writing means something as well, then all the better. This epilogue is perhaps the best part of the book and I wish it had been a foreword. After reading Preston’s thoughts and insights, I immediately re-read the collection with new knowledge and interest. I would suggest skipping to the back and reading his essay first then reading the short stories. It definitely adds a new dimension to the encounters.
Part of this is that Preston reveals the stories are somewhat autobiographical. Not directly but each story depicts a meaningful encounter or person. These are in a very real way, love letters to people and moments that affected Preston. Some of these are just brief encounters, one night of hot sex and a bit of naughty kink. Others are a weekend, some are encounters built up over years and the very last one depicts the beginning of a love affair. Each of these stories focuses on the sex and the BDSM kink. There’s no doubt that desire is the focus but beyond and beneath the sex are emotions.
A single continuous narrator connects the collection as the time frame spans decades. Initially the narrator is young, impressionable, and scared. He then grows into a confident Dom that gets lost in the whirl of sex and men to finally a man that appreciates the connections he makes through sex. Sex is clearly important but is shown between friends, lovers, acquaintances, and can be easy but not awkward. There is a different attitude towards sex shown in each of the encounters than present today. The men come together for sex but there is always a connection and sometimes the conversations are just as erotica.
The bald language doesn’t apologize for the casual sex atmosphere nor does it embellish the BDSM lifestyle. Instead the intimate knowledge is obvious, coming from someone that knows and lives exactly what they’re talking about. The narrator makes mistakes as well but the progression throughout the collection is fascinating. This is homage to a lifestyle that largely disappeared over the years. It’s one you won’t want to miss and one I easily recommend you indulge in.
The collection contains nine short stories and an epilogue. The epilogue is an essay written by Preston about his career writing at that time, what he calls pornography. He explains that this isn’t bad since he’s trying to entertain his readers more than anything. If his writing means something as well, then all the better. This epilogue is perhaps the best part of the book and I wish it had been a foreword. After reading Preston’s thoughts and insights, I immediately re-read the collection with new knowledge and interest. I would suggest skipping to the back and reading his essay first then reading the short stories. It definitely adds a new dimension to the encounters.
Part of this is that Preston reveals the stories are somewhat autobiographical. Not directly but each story depicts a meaningful encounter or person. These are in a very real way, love letters to people and moments that affected Preston. Some of these are just brief encounters, one night of hot sex and a bit of naughty kink. Others are a weekend, some are encounters built up over years and the very last one depicts the beginning of a love affair. Each of these stories focuses on the sex and the BDSM kink. There’s no doubt that desire is the focus but beyond and beneath the sex are emotions.
A single continuous narrator connects the collection as the time frame spans decades. Initially the narrator is young, impressionable, and scared. He then grows into a confident Dom that gets lost in the whirl of sex and men to finally a man that appreciates the connections he makes through sex. Sex is clearly important but is shown between friends, lovers, acquaintances, and can be easy but not awkward. There is a different attitude towards sex shown in each of the encounters than present today. The men come together for sex but there is always a connection and sometimes the conversations are just as erotica.
The bald language doesn’t apologize for the casual sex atmosphere nor does it embellish the BDSM lifestyle. Instead the intimate knowledge is obvious, coming from someone that knows and lives exactly what they’re talking about. The narrator makes mistakes as well but the progression throughout the collection is fascinating. This is homage to a lifestyle that largely disappeared over the years. It’s one you won’t want to miss and one I easily recommend you indulge in.
January 27, 2011
At first, these stories were very clinical and came off with no emotion or deep detail. Just the facts, ma'am. But even that is awesome stuff when the book is about the history of the leather community. As the book continued, he added more emotion, or maybe I just fell into his style and added my own. Either way, it worked and I loved it!
January 27, 2024
John Preston has such a unique way of looking at D/s relationships, it's always a treat to read his work. I've def read some of these stories before, but there's always some new insight to gain from a Preston re-read.
This time around I enjoyed I Once Had a Master in audio, which is nicely performed by Darren Douglas.
This time around I enjoyed I Once Had a Master in audio, which is nicely performed by Darren Douglas.
May 26, 2013
Beautifully written short stories from that period in the 1970/80's when western gay subculture was really starting to take off, and just before it was abruptly decimated by the HIV/AIDS epidemic.
There is no real foreshadowing of the disease in the stories, as far as I can tell. But the setting, place and time, are so distinctive, and the sexual practices are so... un-safe, that every present day reader will know what is to come. And most readers will also know that author John Preston, who apparently wrote from first-hand experience, died of HIV complications.
I'm reading this one short story at a time, and every one so far, I've ended in tears. They all feel like testimonials to lost lives, even though every character is confident, proud and sexy, living their life to the fullest.
It'll probably take me the rest of the year to finish this book, one story at a time. So I'm posting an interim rating now.
There is no real foreshadowing of the disease in the stories, as far as I can tell. But the setting, place and time, are so distinctive, and the sexual practices are so... un-safe, that every present day reader will know what is to come. And most readers will also know that author John Preston, who apparently wrote from first-hand experience, died of HIV complications.
I'm reading this one short story at a time, and every one so far, I've ended in tears. They all feel like testimonials to lost lives, even though every character is confident, proud and sexy, living their life to the fullest.
It'll probably take me the rest of the year to finish this book, one story at a time. So I'm posting an interim rating now.
October 9, 2014
I adore John Preston, the only reason I bought this audio version was a failure to cancel my Audible account on time--I had the credit, might as well make it work by getting something I wanted. So I would have preferred to read his words instead of hearing them. Darren Douglas's narration works most of the time, but I found myself longing for someone with more of a New England sound, I don't even know if Preston spoke like a yankee, but it is what I expect.
Preston explains in the epilogue, that these stories were written with particular men and encounters in mind, not memoirs, but literary love notes for lovers remembered and not, gifts and experiments.
One thing that really annoyed me about this edition, is that the stories are labeled 'chapter 1' and so on instead of Preston's actual title. Interludes (Chapter 9), is one of the most beautiful stories ever, and Escalation is extraordinary and bittersweet.
Definitely have to buy in print when I can.
Preston explains in the epilogue, that these stories were written with particular men and encounters in mind, not memoirs, but literary love notes for lovers remembered and not, gifts and experiments.
One thing that really annoyed me about this edition, is that the stories are labeled 'chapter 1' and so on instead of Preston's actual title. Interludes (Chapter 9), is one of the most beautiful stories ever, and Escalation is extraordinary and bittersweet.
Definitely have to buy in print when I can.
August 7, 2009
Damn, it's over already. Why am I so greedy?!
The guys a master, the headspace stuff is so achingly perfect. Sigh.
The guys a master, the headspace stuff is so achingly perfect. Sigh.
March 11, 2010
AMAZING! Another must read from John Preston
May 15, 2016
Very few books of erotica capture the reality of BDSM. The longing, the power dynamics, and the intensity. Mr. Preston captured that here. The stories are good, not because they arouse you but because they remind you of your own life, the break your heart, they make you once more. A fantastic series of short stories. RIP Master Preston.
August 20, 2024
What could I possibly say about these stories? They're so beyond anything in my realm of experience or imagination. I found them enjoyable, seductive, intense, moving, occasionally even frightening, but always human. Maybe I'll return to these stories some day, as a different person than I am now.
September 7, 2012
You can find a complete review of this BDSM classic on my blog
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews