The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

by David Deida

Though much has changed in society since the first publication of The Way of the Superior Man, men of all ages still "tussle with the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire." Including an all-new preface by author David Deida, this 20th-anniversary edition of the classic guide for men offers the next generation the opportunity to cultivate trust in the moment and put forth the best versions of themselves in an ever-changing world.

In The Way of the Superior Man, Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives - from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality - to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authencity, and freedom.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Philosophy, Spirituality, Personal Development, Relationships

201 pages, Paperback

Published February 1, 2017

About the author

Globally acknowledged as one of the most insightful and provocative teachers of our time, bestselling author David Deida continues to revolutionize the way that men and women grow spiritually and sexually. His eleven books have been published in over thirty-five languages. His teachings on a radically practical spirituality have been hailed as among the most original and authentic contributions to the field of self-development currently available.

Deida has been named to Watkins' Spiritual 100 List—recognizing the world's most spiritually influential figures—for more than fifteen years. A founding member of Integral Institute, he has taught and conducted research at the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine; University of California, Santa Cruz; San Jose State University; Lexington Institute in Boston; and Ecole Polytechnique in Paris.

In addition to the internationally bestselling classic for men, The Way of the Superior Man, his books include Dear Lover for women, The Enlightened Sex Manual for couples, and most recently, The Man of Zero.

Reviews

[Chad · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don't judge a book by its title...

But also do judge this book by its title. I am not sure if I missed something, or just wasn't in the right mindset, but I really am not sure what to say or think about this book. It was recommended by my B.I.L. who told me that it improved his relationship more than any other things he had tried or done. I read it hoping for some improvements of my own, but I guess I just didn't read the same book. Half of the chapters felt like they were written by a Frat House president, and was a guidebook for chauvinistic behavior. Then I read the reviews from self proclaimed feminists who give it 5 stars. Some chapters had some good advice, that I will try to implement, but I felt like this book for the most part tries to put men above women and it felt somewhat demeaning to them. I am not sure if this book should be categorized as self help or fantasy-fiction. It isn't much of guide, but tells you what to do a lot, not so much how to get there. It's the equivalent of reading a book on finances that tells you to save money. "Save money and you'll have more." Never mind the bills, debts, and low income. Anyway, I have sadly simplified and given a poor example, but like I said at the beginning, I am overall just feeling like I missed something here in these pages.

[vi · Rating 2 out of 5]

for the record, i did not read this willingly. i lost a bet.

[Kunal Rao · Rating 2 out of 5]

The books has some decent concepts, but most of it is rambling and incoherent. This could have been written in half the number pages. Too much repetition and needless use of "spiritual" kind of words makes it difficult to consume.
I ran out of patience after half the book and just skimmed through the final chapters.

[Nils Bautz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interessante Sichtweisen. Viele Inhalte wirken sehr Extrem, aber sieht bei tieferen Einsicht doch sehr schön integriert. Viele Kapitel haben mich sehr zum nachdenken angeregt. Eventuell muss ich es nochmal lesen.

[Mia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not one to read nonfiction books, but this was good. Don’t agree 100% with everything, but there are good points for you masculine essenced people out there lol

[Honza Jaroš · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book is challenging status quo of being a man.
How to lead your woman the proper way, developing the gap between masculine and feminine.

[Adam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Veľmi repetitívna kniha. Spôsob vyjadrovania autorovej myšlienky je nepresný a ťažko interpretovateľný - necháva tak priestor na čitateľa aby určil, či sú jeho “rady” pravdivé a fungujú, koniec koncov veď on nepovedal aby niekto spravil X, to je len jeho mylná interpretácia. Tvári sa to ako príručka na šťastné manželstvo, ale na to je v nej príliš málo didaktiky. Nie že by teda sršala beletriou. Je to vlastne ako Východné umenie, kde má človek prečítať vetu a dumať nad ňou zvyšok svojho života. Main pointu by som zhrnul asi nasledovne. Vo vzťahu je vždy jeden dominantný (maskulinný) a jeden submisívny (femininný). Vzťah nebude fungovať pokiaľ ho nebude maskulinný viesť (až na výnimky kedy hej). Úlohou maskulínneho je si byť vedomý svojho cieľa, ale zároveň sa venovať primerané množstvo aj svojmu vzťahu. Emócie sú hlavný zdroj hnutia feminínom, rovnako ako ľahko prídu, vedia aj odísť. Pre to by sa maskulín nemal snažiť používať logiku, ale LÁSKOU preraziť mračná feminína. Znie to neskutočne stupídne, ale práve som to uplatnil v tom najdokonalejšom spôsobe a fungovalo to. Pre to by som asi povedal, že netreba vešať hlavu nad emóciami feminína, nakoľko nie su definitívne a pokiaľ je partner attentive, vie rozohnať každé mračná. Overall je tá kniha overrated, ale ľuďmi ktorí ju nepochopili(redpill) XD. Určite sa z nej niečo dá zobrať, ale ten way of writing je otrasný ani nie tak skillom, ale spôsobom vyjadrovania. Neodporučil by som ju nikomu, ale každého kto ju začne čítať by som fandil nech ju dokončí.

”The masculine error is to think that eventually things wil be different in some fundamental way. They won't. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative chal enge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift.
It's never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff. As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing whatever you are waiting to do until your finances are more secure, or until the children have grown and left home, or until you have finished your obligations and you feel free to do what you real y want to do. Don't wait any longer. Don't believe in the myth of "one day when everything wil be different." Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you've been born to do, now.”

“Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of a man's true nature. A superior man is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act with spontaneous skil and love even from that place.”

“The superior man practices opening during these times of automaticsure. Open the front of your body so your chest and solar plexus are tense. Sit or stand up straight and ful , opening the front of your body, softening your chest and bel y, wide and free. Breathe down through your chest and solar plexus, deep into your bel y. Look directly into the eyes whomever you are with, feeling your own pain as wel as feeling the other person. Only when the front of your body is relaxed and opened, your breath ful and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another person's eyes, can your ful est intel igence manifest spontaneously in the situation. To act as a superior man, a samurai of relationship, you must feel the entire situation with your whole body. A closed body is unable to sense subtle cues and signals, and therefore unable to act with mastery in the situation.”

“For the next three days, do at least one activity a day that you have avoided or suppressed because of the influence of your father. In this way, practice being free of his subtle expectations, which may now reside within your own self judgment. Practice being free in this way, once each day for three days, even if you stil feel fearful, limited, unworthy, or burdened by your father's expectations.”

Your fear is the sharpest definition of your self. You should know it. You should feel it virtual y constantly. Fear needs to become your friend, so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it. Rather, primary fear shows you that you are at your edge. Staying with the fear, staying at your edge, al ows real transformation to occur. Neither lazy nor aggressive, playing your edge al ows you to perceive the moment with the least amount of distortion. You are wil ing to be with what is, rather than trying to escape it by pul ing back from it, or trying to escape it by pushing beyond it into some future goal.

To help you remember the triviality of your daily tasks, interrupt your schedule with refreshers. These refreshers should cut to your core and strip the fat off the moment. Consider your own death. Behold an image of the most enlightened being you know. Contemplate the mystery of existence. Relax into the deepest and most profound loving of which you are capable. In your own way, remember the infinite, and then return to the task at hand. This way, you wil never lose perspective and begin to think that life is a matter of tasks. You are not a drone. You are the unbounded mystery of love. Be so, without forgetting your tasks.

The masculine grows by chal enge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his woman. Praise her freely.

you ask her, "What do you want from me?”This seems fair to a man, but it is not. It is a no-win situation for your woman. Why? Because what she real y wants is a man who can figure it out for himself. She wants a man who loves her, and escorts her with his loving, without having to ask her what she wants al the time.
One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is precisely not to have to always figure it out for her man and guide him. She wants to be able to trust him in his direction. There’re some times when she does want to figure it out for you, but far more often she feels your gift when you offer her a direction in your intimacy without her having to ask you for it or tel you what she wants.
Suppose it's your woman's birthday. If it were your birthday, you'd love it if your woman would do anything you wanted.
So you think she'd like that, too. You say to her, "Happy Birthday For your birthday, we can do anything you want. We can go anywhere and do anything. And I'll do anything for you. What do you want to do?"
This is exactly the opposite of most women's idea of an ideal birthday present. Most women would get far more excited if you were to say, "You've got 30 minutes to pack your bags. Don't ask me where we're going, but we'll be gone for the weekend. Everything is taken care of. Just pack your bags, and leave the rest to me. I'm going to give you the best birthday you've ever had.”

Just remember that self-discipline is not self-suppression. Suppression is when you resist and fight against your desires. Keeping them as buried and unexpressed as possible. Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.

Your word is a demonstration of your purpose, of your masculine core. When you don't fol ow through with what you say you are going to do, she feels that your masculine core is weak. She feels let down. She can't trust your masculine direction. And so she feels a great loss. Overtime, she wil begin to build up her own masculine protection against your lack of integrity. She wil begin to guard herself against the hurt that your lack of carry-through causes. She wil harden herself, becoming angular and tense. To you, the garage seems trivial. To her, you have failed at your word. She can't trust you.

A man's highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy.

Among many other qualities, a woman wants the "kil er" in her man. She is turned off if her man is afraid and wants her to kil the cockroach or the mouse while he stands on a chair and watches. She is turned off if her man wants her to get out of bed in order to check out the strange sounds in the house to find out if a burglar made the noise. Fearlessness, or the capacity to transcend the fear of death for the sake of love, is a quintessential form of the ultimate masculine gift.

If you don't know your own direction in life, you certainly wil stand on shaky ground offering your woman direction. So the first step is to align your own life so that, at least in this present moment, you are living at your edge, ful y aligned with sense of purpose. If you are not absolutely certain that, in this moment, you are living exactly the life you need to, then your woman wil feel your lack of clarity, and she wil fight any kind of guidance you offer her.

Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source. By putting al your attention into work, TV, sex, and reading, your suffering remains unpenetrated, and the source remains hidden. Your life becomes structured entirely by your favorite means of sidestepping the suffering you rarely al ow yourself to feel. And when you do touch the surface of your suffering, perhaps in the form of boredom, you quickly pick up a magazine or the remote control.

Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born. Two hours of absorption in a good Super Bowl telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering.

[James Lusher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whenever you notice that you are mulling over your own problems, knotting energy into your body as tension, take that energy and create a gift for others. It could be as simple as doing the dishes in the sink, or as complex as building a business that will benefit others. Convert into service the energy that is knotting up the front of your body. Your tension is only the energy of a gift that has become backed up, unexpressed, in your body.

1. Rather than fantasizing or entertaining inward sexual imagery of any kind, remain totally present, aware of your own body, breath, and mind, and especially attentive to your partner. Break o masturbatory habit of inward fantasy by consciously practicing sex as a relational play of love with your partner.

2. Keep your body and breath relaxed and full. Especially keep the front of your body relaxed, so that your belly is vast and your heart is soft and wide. This will help prevent too much tension from accumulating in any one area.

3. Learn to feel into, and then through, your partner, so that your attention is directed beyond your own sensations and even beyond your partner’s sensations. Practice feeling outward, without limit, as if you were feeling to infinity. In other words, whatever you are feeling, feel it fully, and then feel through and beyond it, so that sex becomes a constant feeling through and beyond every sensation, rather than focusing on any particular sensation.

4. Throughout the day and during the sexual session, practice breathing so that your inhalation moves energy down the front of your body and the exhalation moves energy up your spine. Excessive, chronic thinking or addiction to ejaculation is often a sign that your energy is blocked and you are not yet breathing fully in this circle throughout the day.

5. During sex, occasionally practice the upward contraction of the floor of your pelvis while breathing sexual energy up your spine, so it fills your whole body. Especially as you begin to approach orgasm, you can combine the upward contraction of your pelvic floor with breathing up the spine in order to shoot your orgasm up into your brain, and even out through the top of your head, rather than down and out your genitals. This upward orgasm will then feel like it is gently seeping down through every cell of your body, saturating you with thick open light.

Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and, instead, cater to your fears.

Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them.

Keep tongue pressed against roof of mouth to complete the circuit. Keep eyes open. Occasionally look upward towards forehead and draw energy up spine whilst also contracting pelvic floor. Then inhale and keep the breathing cycle going. Always breathe. Eliminate bodily tension and inward thinking.

Mix up penetration. Make sure to use shallow thrusts early on. Also twists, different angles, etc

[Rey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Absurd.

This is one of those books that asks you to "make love with the world". I've never been one for the spiritual mystic woo woo stuff and only reason read it as it came along in a book combo.

Admittedly i did take away a few things in here mainly about being strong to your core and not being pushed around. However, it generally was far left of any rational or logical sense.

The language and thought process is weird and truly absurd. I laughed out loud more than a few times with how silly it was.

Some sage advice included: "scream and lick her face" in the middle of an argument. This is in response to a woman being her deepest feminine self i.e. chaotic and stormy. Another gem being "the most loving woman is the one that tests you the most" i.e. dramatic, causing problems and hyperemotional. Another word I would use is toxic, but apparently that's the core feminine being or some drivel along those lines.

Surprisingly there were a few things that did ring true about living true to your core. Yet, it dosent absolve the rest of the ridiculousness and absurdity.

[David Rohwer · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could, I would give this book a 100 stars. I love and resonate with Deida‘s message and teachings so much and I believe every man and even woman should read this.

However, many men will find this book confusing, too abstract, too spiritual, not enough practical tipps and too far away from "mainstream masculinity". I believe that this book requires one to have a bit of a foundation in spirituality, some knowledge about the ideas and concepts of sacred masculinity and femininity. Not much, but enough to be able to appreciate the wisdom one can receive from reading this book. If that sounds like you and you really want to level up your relationship with your partner and your life in general, definitely give it a go!

Powerful!

[Lewy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Although I do understand how people may not like it, I think it definitely has some insight into modern relationships and the fundamental understanding and differences between the roles of men and women.

I would suggest not taking everything literally, read with an open mind and only take what you find useful from the book.

[Mike Peterson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Author offers interesting insight and tips, but I didn’t prefer how the book was written. Not very engaging and lots of word repetition, especially early on. I can understand how some may find this misogynistic. It was an okay experience, but not good enough to recommend as a book to start in the self growth genre.

[Thomas Lee · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is about 70% useless word salad and 30% really good information. Most of the relevant stuff is written in the first couple of sentences of each chapter, the rest is just pretentious vocabulary fluff. But, there ARE some really good things in here. I’d say if you were looking to read this one, don’t waste your time, the spark notes will do.

[Dennis · Rating 2 out of 5]

While some of his ideas were helpful in how to understand how the masculine mind works vs. the feminine, he made his point quickly then used a lot of lofty words that neither clearly described his point nor helped me understand how to reach the state he was trying to persuade me too.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Assigned read by Eric for coaching. Has some nuggets for sure but pretty out there in some ways. Big takeaway: women are chaos and the storm. Be grounded and firmly planted and move and sway either way her to support but not give in and take on her moods and energy.

[Keith Book Korner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book..
It’s definitely a reread
Made need to reference it every few months just to make sure I’m putting it into practice..

[Enrico · Rating 5 out of 5]

„This book helps save future relationships.”

[Theo Milos · Rating 5 out of 5]

### Part 1 A Man’s Way

- Stop hoping for completion in life. You will continue to face problems in the future, it never ends. Men who have lived significant lives are the men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose. Aim to spend at least one hour per day doing what you really want. Imagine that your father was dead and lived after it. Spend time as you want it, not as your father wants it. This could be the same, but take your own actions for your own life. Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them. Go outside your comfort zone and seek to be uncomfortable while being honest and honored. Lean just beyond your edge, constantly, in everything you do. Fear needs to become your friend so that you are no longer uncomfortable with it. Challenge yourself; and your limits.

- Enjoy your friend’s criticism. Be open with your friends, both about what you are doing in life and what you are afraid of. Then in response, they should come up with a concrete action you can perform that will pop you out of your rut, one way or the other. Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another. This is a way of challenging your hesitations and mediocrity.

- If you don’t know your deep purpose you need to discover it, now. Commit yourself completely to its process, and find a way to embrace your family as you do. It’s truly important that you find a purpose in life, otherwise, you will begin to drift and not accomplish anything. It should come first, before mindlessly completing daily tasks. You are not a robot or a drone. You need to love and have an open heart, so complete your important tasks but do it with love in the process. Your purpose must come before your relationship. Your mission is your priority. Women are number two. Set a time for her, that is only for her, and then get back to your mission.

- In relationships, one should be masculine and one be feminine. Embrace your masculine sexual core and therefore sexual essence. Be a masculine man, and respect yourself for it to the fullest. Choose a complete opposite; where you are the masculine and she is the feminine. You as a man should take charge, of the more important subjects like money and investments.
- If necessary, a man should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one . Sit or stand up straight and full, opening the front of your body, softening your chest and belly, wide and free. Breathe deep breaths through your chest and solar plexus. Look directly into the eyes of the person you are talking to.

- Always listen to your woman, understand her point of view, and then make your own decision. Be open to new lines of thinking, but never change your mind just to please a woman. You will come off as submissive and unattractive. People will soon stop trusting you because you lack honesty to yourself.

- When you enter a relationship do it for love, not to fulfill your personal needs. It will be clear that you lack dedication in that area otherwise. Yield yourself into the giving, holding nothing back, dissolving all the in the open of love.

- Every moment of your life is either a test or a celebration. Your woman too. She wants to feel you are uncollapsable so she pokes you in your weak spot. If you collapse, you’ve flunked the test. Thus, work toward your purpose and remain full and strong, humorous, confident, and happy. You need to be trustworthy and not depend on her validation. Your success does not mean anything to her, unless you are free and loving.

### Part 2 Dealing With Women

- A man’s word is his honor The feminine says what it feels. Her emotions and feelings, which can change every 5 minutes, dictate her actions and sayings. The “truth” of the feminine is whatever she is really feeling, in this present moment. Don’t argue with it. Never base your plans on what a woman says she wants to do unless she is in the full flow of love when she says it.

- The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. A man must be unabashed and expressed in his appreciation for his women. Praise her freely. Praise always magnifies the quality of the woman that you praise. When speaking to your woman, it is always better to call the glass half full than half empty. Praise daily, multiple times (5-10) a day. Give often genuine compliments.

- Don’t tolerate her mood, but instead participate in it. Talking does not help as much as humor and physically expressed love. Bloom into her fullness. Open her heart, again, and again and again. The mood swings will not vanish and every woman has them, so it does not help by changing women. Thus, don’t analyze your woman (it will only piss her off) because the feminine’s moods and opinions are like weather patterns. There does not need to be a “problem” but instead a “storm of emotions”. Look into her eyes, hold her, touch her like she likes, and make her laugh instead. Keep your breath full, keep your body strong, and keep your attention present. No matter what your woman says, give her love. Smile, scream, and then lick her face, Do whatever it takes to crack the closure and get your love inside that crack touching her heart.

- One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy (not in business nor simple friendship) is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything. Don’t ask her to analyze her heart’s emotions. She loves soap operas, romance novels and love stories.

- Don’t force the feminine to make decisions. Make sure she is also the recipient of your masculine
gift of decisiveness. Offer her your masculine clarity and perspective. Be forward and intentional. Explain what you would do and why, even if you think she should make her own decision. If you want to meet her, say that directly, and it will happen. But if you are not clear on what is up between you two, she will befriend you instead because of lack of interest. Never say - “I don’t really care. It’s up to you. Whatever you want to do is fine.”. If you do this she will become herself more masculine and therefore not trust you and eventually not need you.

### Part 3 Working with Polarity and Energy

- Accept and embrace your sexual attraction to feminine women. Let her waves of feminine energy move through your body like a deep massage. Breathe fully, without resisting the joy her sighting affords you. Learn to magnify and sustain your desire, so your whole body and breath open and deepen by its force.

- Know what is important for your woman, her interests, etc. You will often want more than one woman because it is in a man’s nature. Even though he loves a woman, he may well have a desire to have sex with more partners. However, you should discipline (not neglect) your desire. You will also be attracted by young women because they offer you a special energy of innocence, feminine vibes, and freshness. She has not developed a masculine energy at all, because he does not need to. But, you should also allow the magic of older women. They are more mature, and will not tolerate lousy habits. This could be good for your journey, to be with an experienced woman.

### Part 4 What Women Really Want

- Choose a woman who chooses you. If she does not really want you, then don’t really pursue it. Find out if she plays “hard to get” or if she's not into you. Ask your friends about the girl, ask her friends if she likes you. Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you neer her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core.

- What she says is not what she says. Sometimes what she says can be opposite to what she really wants. Women want strong men who can control themselves and pursue despite seduction.

- Keep your word to your woman. If you promise to do trivial things, then do them, because otherwise she will get annoyed by your lack of commitment and masculinity. Those uncompleted tasks are mostly not bothering her, but your non-existing clarity is. The complaint is often in fact indirect, not direct.

- She does not want to be first. She wants to be loved and be important in your life, but not the highest priority. Instead, you should primarily follow your mission to accomplish your goals. Otherwise, she won’t respect you as a man, she will feel neediness.

- If you have been perfect for 10 months but an asshole for 30 seconds, she will remember the feeling in the moment, forgetting everything before. The past is entirely irrelevant to the feminine. Restore love and happiness in the present moment, don’t justify your little mistake by referring to your long line of successes.

### Part 5 Your Dark Side

- You are always seeking more freedom. Most men do this via TV, orgasm, and financial success.
- The dark feminine desire, often, to be forced to surrender (for example 365 Days, 50 Shades of Grey), is as strong as the dark masculine desire to penetrate through a woman’s resistance. You must be as fearless with your sexual desire as you are with your spiritual desire. Your body, tone of voice, and the look in the eyes mean a lot more than anything you could say.

- She wants the “killer” in you. You are the one who needs to kill the cockroaches or protect your family if a burglar comes inside. You can’t be afraid like a boy, be fearless like a man.

### Part 6 Feminine Attractiveness

- These is never a shortage of feminine energy, only a resistance to receiving, trusting, and embracing it . Relax and enjoy the women surrounding you. If you open up more and imagine yourself near women, you will be able to get a feminine woman.

- Never allow your desire to become suppressed or depolarized. In a moment of attraction, let your desire feel to her, but don’t stop there. Feel through her, through her body while having sex, and through her anger when she is raging. Notice the distractions and obsessions - tits, ass, wealth, and fame - and practice the revelation of oneness by feeling through them.

### Part 7 Body Practices

- Ejaculation should be converted or consciously chosen. There is no good in ejaculating easily. You will discover that it, for the most part, actually depletes and weakens you. It feels great for a few moments, but the price you have to pay is a much higher level of mediocrity in your daily life. An excess of it will diminish your courage to take risks, professionally and spiritually. You will settle and be comfortable, choosing mindlessly to watch TV for countless hours instead of reading, writing, or exercising. Your willpower will decrease. Your woman will also notice this, both in sex and before sex, because you will want to have less sex due to already releasing the tension. A superior man may choose to ejaculate occasionally, which is a completely conscious choice. You can’t give her the power to decide when you should ejaculate, you should decide for yourself. Otherwise, she controls you sexually.

- The goal of being with women and having sexual intercourse should not be for you to ejaculate, but instead, feel love and give love. Recondition your body and nervous system. The first step is undoing the habits you learned while masturbating as a teenager. Instead of tensing your muscles as you become sexually stimulated, learn to relax them. When you notice your face squinching, relax it. Deepen your breath. Feel your partner more than you feel yourself. Feel her movement, her moans, and her internal energy.

- Breathe deeply, all the way down to your belly. Breathe in through the nose and do it mindfully. Analyze where you have tension and breathe to make it go away. In other words, meditate.

### Part 8 Men’s and Women’s Yoga of Intimacy

- You are entirely responsible for cutting through your own laziness, addictions, and unclarity. There is nothing to wait for and nobody to blame. Try talking to friends, practicing meditation or praying, walking in nature, keeping a journal, reading, or studying. Remember that your success with any method you choose depends on your commitment. You could meditate, but it won’t work, if, when it comes down to it, you’d rather masturbate, read the newspaper or watch TV than cut through your addictions, discipline your daily life, and give your gift from your deepest, most blissful source. The quality of your intent and the consistency and depth will determine the results - as well as your capacity to guide your woman’s life into greater happiness and bodily surrender into love.

- A man rediscovers and fine tunes his purpose in solitude, in challenging situations, and in the company of other men who won’t settle for this bullshit. A man must arrange for both forms of restoration: his own solitude and men’s gathering, and his woman’s time with other women. There two ways to bring you right to your masculine edge of power are austerity and challenge. Austerity is to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your egde. No newspapers or magazines, candy, cookies or sweets, reading or anything at the toilet, movies, and conversations that aren’t about truth, love, or the divine. Face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction, you’ll be alive with the challenge of living your truth, rather than hiding from it. Allow the personal suffering, rest with it, embrace it, and make love with it. Spend every day in solitude, with no distractions. Just sit, for ten minutes. Always acknowledge your death. The other thing is challenges like - mountain climbing, ropes courses, competitive sports, and boot camp. If you have always been afraid of public speaking or going toward women, you can take the challenge of doing it once a week respectively once a day. If you don’t do it then there must be a consequence for freezing in the face of fear. Go to the middle of the woods, by yourself, with only survival necessities (nothing to do).

[Globe Trotter · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book focuses on being the opposite between a man the woman. Without such contrast the book argues the sexual attraction disappears. So this is an unapologetic approach to becoming a man and how to handle women.

Masculine and feminine energies are needed for strong sexual polarity. Without it there comes only friendship.

Some points I noted:

There is never a time where everything is complete in your life. Spend time today to do things you enjoy. Even if it's just 1 hour each day. Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women.

Other men are only able to trust you if you are hanging back and not at your real edge. They will not be able to trust you that you can help them live at their edge ad give their fullest gift.

Listen to your woman but make your own decision. Never change your mind just to please a woman.

Your purpose must come before the relationship.

Lean just beyond our edge and let your fear define you. Feel it virtually constantly . Choose men friends who themselves are living at their edge, facing their fears and living just beyond them. Men of this kind can love you without protecting you from the necessary confrontation with reality that your life involves.

Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure. After completing one layer of purpose, you might not know what to do with your life. At this point you must wait for a vision.

Don't get lost in tasks and duties. Whereas many women waste precious time swirling in emotional currents and eddies, many men waste their birth seeking the completion of tasks. Doing is simply the nature of your bodily life. You can not do enough to feel finally complete.

Find a strong and loving woman who wants your life to be guided by your deepest truths, not your untended childhood wounds. She will test you to see if your happiness depends on her response. It should depend either on your making millions of dollars. She tests you because she wants to feel your truth.

Women are not liars. A woman's word is her true expression in the moment only. Never base your plan on what a woman says she wants to do. A man must make his own decisions based n the deepest truth.

Praise your woman. A man grows by challenge, a women grows by praise. "you are so beautiful when you smile" is better than "you are ugly when you frown".

A woman wants a man who can figure out for himself what she wants without her telling him. She doesn't want to guide him, she wants to be able to trust him in his direction. Women become free by surrendering into love.

Don't force her to make decisions. She will learn to depend on her own masculine capacity. She will begin to trust her masculine energy more than you. She will refuse to surrender to you even sexually. Always help a woman make decisions by giving her your perspective.

The feminine body is free to be moved by love, and by life itself. And this is highly valued by most men; to behold a woman free in her expression of bodily ecstasy is one of the most awesome visions most men had. Men will even pay to watch a woman's body express ecstasy, even if she is only faking it. In our secular culture, most men are only familiar with the sexual ecstasy, and so t is this form of free bodily expression that men pay to see, in movies, on sage, and in private rooms around the world.

Young women are understood to offer a man a particular rejuvenative quality of energy. As a woman get older they typically take on more and more masculine tasks and responsibilities in our culture.

Choose a woman who chooses you. Clinginess is feminine. The roles will reverse otherwise and your feminine desire for love meets her masculine desire for freedom.

A superior man practices maintaining full consciousness in all situations. Underneath a woman's superficial request is her actual desire and need: she wants your passionate fullness to pervade her, she wants to be able to trust the unshakability of your loving, she wants to feel in her bones that your divine masculine presence is stronger than your distractibility.

The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about. Hear her complaint as the universe giving you signs about your life.

A woman doesn't really want to be number one. She actually trusts and loves you more if she is not the most important thing in her life. A man's highest purpose is his priority, not his intimacy.

The feminine responds to the moment of energy, forgetting her man's history of past behaviour. Restore love and happiness in the present moment, don't justify your little mistake by referring to your long line of success

If she feels that you are totally absorbed in your work, for instance, and when you're not obsessing about your career you are absorbed in TV, then she will wonder, "Is this it? Is this what our relationship amounts to? Is this the highest vision that my man sees?" If she feels you lacking in your financial clarity or your spiritual clarity, she will not be able to relax with you.

You are always searching for freedom. The typical masculine desire for freedom involves the feeling of death. The feminine, on the other hand, is not seeking freedom, but love. Her means is not release, but surrender.

Own your darkest desires. Most women have entertained fantasies f being forced to have sex against their will. The dark feminine desire, to be forced to surrender, is as strong as the dark masculine desire to penetrate through a woman's resistance. When you are unwilling t pay these dark masculine and feminine poles in love and humour, then they will appear in loveless ways, such as rape fantasies, obsessions with soap operas, tragic stories of loss and brutality, and violent pornography. If your woman is afraid to surrender completely she will feel essentially empty, and so seek to be filled with the "love" of food, shopping, social events, and conversation. You must learnt to let go, absolutely, in love with your woman. Unless you choose to live your life as a celibate, there is no way around this. You must be as fearless with your sexual desire as you are with your spiritual desire. Do and be everything you ever wanted with her, in love, spontaneously , and with deep feeling into her and through her.

Any of her energies that you are unable to transform into love through the force, clarity, and humour of your consciousness will return for you to face, again and again. The secret is to match her energy with consciousness demonstrated through your body If she is screaming and breaking dishes, our body must meet her energy. Your fearlessness and strength of love must manifest through your body.

When a man ejaculates easily, he creates ongoing distrust in his woman. At a subtle level, she feels he cannot be trusted. It is not simply your genital penetration that touches her deeply, though. The main penetration she feels is your yielding into her, through her, in love. It is the fullness of your presence, the actual invasion of her body by your consciousness, that most ravishes her. Some women, because of their need to guard and protect their wounded heart, would actually prefer that you ejaculate. That way, they never have to open al the way, or expose their depths to your touch. They know that after some oral sex and maybe half an hour of intercourse, you will ejaculate, and it will be over. They don't want to feel you persist beyond their habitual closure. They would rather stay in control and draw out your ejaculation whenever they want.

Every time she sucks you into an uncontrollable need to ejaculate, she has conquerored you. She controls you and masters you. She is in charge, sexually, no matter what manly gestures you make before ejaculation. With a simple flick of her tongue, a silky moan, or a slurping tilt of her pelvis, she can drain you of life. And, deep down, she knows the world can do the same to you. The bottom line is this: If ejaculation is not completely a matter of conscious choice for you, your woman knows she controls you sexually. And as long as she knows she is in charge, she won't trust you enough to relax fully in the force of your loving. She will always keep her heart somewhat protected.

Your woman's core is fulfilled by love. Your core is released from stress by aligning your life with your mission. To you, intimacy is something to be enjoyed in addition to your purpose. To your woman, intimacy is at the core of her life, and the tone of your intimacy colours everything else she does. Because a man's priority is his mission, he will always gravitate to a woman whom he feels would most support his mission. If he feel another woman would enliven him and give him more energy for his work, he might desire her as an intimate partner.

The cure for lack of purpose is to be challenged to live at your edge, since you have lost the capacity to live there by yourself.

[Dennis Leth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A highly controversial book about masculine vs. feminine energies.

The author does his part in the preface to the original edition to emphasize that it is not about gender, but about energies between 2 parties.
In the 20th anniversary edition, it is specified even more precisely, so that it includes LGBTQ+.
When you read the book, you can easily understand where the controversies arise from. For the sake of simplicity, a man/woman relationship is depicted, where the man has a dominant masculine energy and the woman a dominant feminine energy.

When you read it with a few years behind you, a couple of relationships or three in the story, and a willingness to keep a diary, the book makes insanely good sense. It explains quite well why things went well and why things went wrong.

The masculine side is goal-oriented, combative, adventurous, and executing. In stoic terms, it is referred to as accepting one's own impending death. The masculine side argues, wants to be right, and concludes.

The feminine side is emotionally oriented, present, and present in the moment. It is the moment that counts. The feminine side - remember this is not about gender - is fleeting, changeable, creative, and loving. The feminine side tests, confirms/denies the masculine side in the masculine direction; it changes feelings in a split second, and the achievements of the past mean nothing. Only the present.

It is a book about Ying and Yang. About the balance in the individual party in a relationship and about the balance in the relationship itself.

A very masculine - and here I use gender - man can rarely function in a relationship with a very masculine woman. Neither party will grow in the relationship, and everyday life will be a constant struggle not to die.

The better we know our primary energies - which can be changeable through moments and life - the better a partner we can become.

The masculine element will experience the greatest spiritual redemption and love if it is mirrored by and held accountable by the opposing feminine element.

In my opinion, this explains quite well why we have so many single people in the modern world and why, especially highly educated women, have a very limited field of men to choose from. Although this stereotypical conclusion is probably not well-received.

In my opinion, the book can and should be read by everyone who wants to work constructively with their own energies and the relationships they are involved in.

[Jeff · Rating 3 out of 5]

I noticed that even the harshest reviewers of The Way of a Superior Man say that they got some useful information from this book. It definitely is in the manosphere canon, but there are other books, nearly identical in concept and content, most notably, The Unplugged Alpha, that are superior to the Superior Man.

The most helpful info I got from the book was about sex and the need to be more in the moment during the act and less in your mind. I found this important even before reading this book and for you guys who use porn—ditch it. Nothing will ruin a healthy sex life faster.

[Emerson · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author uses rather flowery language in situations where it’s out of place. Much of the content is along the lines of ‘do this’ or ‘do that’, just like in a teen magazine. I reckon about 20% of the content is useful, but the rest is just typical magazine advice.

[Rodrigo Oliveira · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s just another book that wants to tell you that the author is arrogant enough to believe he has an unique formula that is better than the others. Mostly BS but if you’re in a fragile moment or you tend to look into this kind of things, you may like the book.

[Mike Yaeger · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read many passages out loud to my girlfriend and we laughed a lot. Probably one of the more ridiculous self-help books I've read.

[Keaton Dickinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

A little woo woo for me

[Jake Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very Insightful!

[Omni Theus · Rating 4 out of 5]

80% of this is fantastic. Glean from it.

[Jared Smit · Rating 5 out of 5]

If i had to tell a man to pick a book to change himself, out of all the self help books this is the only one id reccomend.

[Maximiliano Garcia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my favorite of this topics. It has good understandings but very chauvinistic.

[Chauny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although i’m a woman. I found this book to be quite enjoyable. I’ve read it twice. In my opinion, Deida delivered to the “traditional" masculine and wounded masculine perfectly.

His words felt like law, a manual flow. There was a mix of accountability, logic, direction, disarming, emotional intelligence, and a sprinkle of sensible spirituality. And I could feel his sincerity. It was captivating, timeless even.

I’m sure any man that reads this book with an open mind, as well as an open heart will grow fond of his purpose.