Weirdly Beloved: Tales of Strange Bedfellows, Odd Couplings, and Love Gone Bad

by Cynthia Ceilan

Inspired by the romantic misadventures she’s witnessed in her own family, Cynthia Ceilán takes us jauntily through real-life stories about love: what demented things we do in the name of love, the wildly unusual choices people have made in their selection of a mate, and the joys and horrors of saying goodbye to a relationship that has long overstayed its welcome.

In her fact-finding mission to write this collection, Cynthia Ceilán began in the bowels of her own family history, which always seemed unnecessarily shrouded in mystery. There she discovered a treasure trove of delightfully wicked secrets, which she blissfully shares. She then extended her research to include a broader community—her neighborhood, her city, her country, her planet. Each chapter introduces the general topic in a concise personal essay, followed by dozens of short tales, as reported in newspapers and magazines from around the world, including numerous firsthand accounts.

Genres: Roman, Humor, Relationships

258 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2008

About the author

Cynthia Ceilán is a native New Yorker who was dragged by the hair kicking and screaming by her otherwise well-intentioned parents to live on a lovely island in the Caribbean when she was in high school and, therefore, too young and obstinate to appreciate that she was in Paradise. The distraught, uprooted teenager argued that, according to all the Catholic literature, flesh-blistering heat and the blinding white-hot glare of the sun were essential characteristics of Hell. The argument fell on deaf ears.

For the next eight years (which will forever be known to her as The Decade of Darkness), she waited for the circus to come to town so she could run away with it.

The Flying Wallendas did, in fact, show up once, but before Cynthia could learn to balance a beach ball on the tip of her nose, Karl Wallenda plummeted to his death with a horrible splat while trying to walk a tightrope between two fancy hotels in the heart of San Juan's tourist district, despite dire warnings from the locals that the trade winds could be quite treacherous. The surviving Wallendas didn't have the heart to replace poor old Karl right away, not even with a pseudo-acrobat willing to work for the price of a plane ticket off the island. So much for seeking asylum with circus folk.

Cynthia added the news clips of the Wallenda tragedy to her collection of weird death stories and got a job right after college, like a regular person. She figured it would take five or six years to save up enough money to finance her move back to the mainland, or a couple of months if she gave up piña coladas and sangria by the pitcher on Friday and Saturday nights. As luck would have it, her employer's home office was in Atlanta, not on another island. She finagled herself an interview, secured a new job, and off to the Bible Belt she went to write mind-numbing technical manuals for imminently obsolete computer products.

Atlanta was very pretty (in a beige, cookie-cutter sort of way), and on occasion presented its share of challenges to the recalcitrant transplant. Sadly, she never acquired a taste for grits or chicken-fried steak, and was utterly unable to twist her mouth in all the right ways to correctly pronounce words like "y'all" and "corndawg." People told her she talked funny, after which they usually asked what church she belonged to. Her un-Christianlike responses sent many of them scurrying to hide the children. On at least two occasions, complete strangers stood on her doorstep and asked if they could pray for her. She replied, "Sure. What the hell," and politely closed the door on them so they could do so in private.

Cynthia spent the next few years in Atlanta searching for liberals, scaring the Baptists, and quietly pushing unsolicited okra to the edges of her plate. Just as she decided that she had reached the end of her Southern Experience, she met a strange and eloquent young man with an easy smile and very little shame. He told her they would leave Atlanta together, "in a another year or two." Three years later they were married, and still living in Atlanta. Four and a half years after that, she left without him, for reasons that had almost nothing to do with okra.

Cynthia finally made her way back to her home town. She bought an apartment on Manhattan's Upper West Side and nailed everything down to the floor. She is never leaving again.

Meanwhile, her collection of weird death news stories turned into a couple of books. Thinning the Herd was published in 2007, and Unlucky Stiffs in 2010. In between the publication of the death books, she was inspired to write about psychotic love. Weirdly Beloved was released in 2008.

In something of a departure from her penchant for dark humor, Cynthia returned to her first true love, literary fiction, and penned the novel Myths of a Merciful God. She is currently at work on a second novel.

Reviews

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fun read. It's full of anecdotes about all different kinds of relationships. From stories about people and their pets and women who love serial killers to love gone wrong and political scandals. This book had me laughing out loud at the library and sharing some of the stories with my husband.

[Mihaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are things in this book that you didn't even know you need to know, if you know what I mean 😉

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertaining read though no way of knowing what’s really true and what’s urban myth.

[Tara Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great! It was a wonderful piece to fit between all of the dramatic things I've been reading for weeks. It's completely witty and irreverent, with a tongue in cheek humor that's utterly refreshing.

I especially adored the chapter on Objectaphelia, in which people have relationships with inanimate objects. My favorite piece was the man who said that he loved his guitar, because it loved him back in a way that his girlfriend never could.

Second favorite...? The guy who was arrested for having sex with his bicycle in public.

Great stuff to read and laugh at.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had trouble putting this book down. Cynthia Ceilan offers many choice examples of marriage and courtship gone awry, and she examines cultural and historical practices that are interesting. Toward the end of the book, she lets loose on all those religious and political leaders who pretend to be saintly but in reality are caught with their pants down. A good read, indeed.
Check your mate in the game of marital chess, could be one of these in the book.

[B.L. Gilleon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Made for good bathroom reading.

[Lavada Dee · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book while researching non-fiction romance books. Now I'm anxious to read it.