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A Moth to the Flame: The story of Amy's struggle with borderline personality disorder
This is the true story of a family’s journey through the mental illness of one of their members, the beautiful but troubled Amy.
Her chosen lifestyle of drugs and gangs eventually leads her to a tragic end, and her family is left reeling. The book chronicles her short life, touching on her diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and her dealings with the criminal court system.
Her chosen lifestyle of drugs and gangs eventually leads her to a tragic end, and her family is left reeling. The book chronicles her short life, touching on her diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and her dealings with the criminal court system.
- GenresNonfiction
Kindle Edition
Published June 24, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
November 6, 2019
A Moth To The Flame is a poignant memoir about one family's tumultuous journey and struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a mental illness in which their beautiful but troubled daughter Amy, battled with and went undiagnosed for many years. Truth be told, I have never heard of BPD but I found out that it is actually more common than some well-known disorders. This may be that the symptoms of BPD are likely to be misdiagnosed with other disorders, such as bipolar disorder.
This book is difficult to read because it is emotional, written with much honesty and truth. It was a struggle for me to flip those pages - the trials, ups and downs, tears, rebellions, betrayals, worries, disappointments - were overwhelming but this family stood by her through it all, even though there were times of tough love parenting.
I highly recommend this book to everyone. Not only it is well-written and engaging, it is educational, giving us an understanding of what it is like to be battling with BPD - both for the person and their family as well. Perhaps we ourselves may be having BPD or our loved ones, and this book is the book that you would want to read. It is impactful, beautifully written, got me teary-eyed and I appreciate it so much that Debbie shares her journey with us.
"Regrets don't do any good in life. You can beat yourself up over the things you could have done, or should have done, but it won't change what happens."
This book is difficult to read because it is emotional, written with much honesty and truth. It was a struggle for me to flip those pages - the trials, ups and downs, tears, rebellions, betrayals, worries, disappointments - were overwhelming but this family stood by her through it all, even though there were times of tough love parenting.
I highly recommend this book to everyone. Not only it is well-written and engaging, it is educational, giving us an understanding of what it is like to be battling with BPD - both for the person and their family as well. Perhaps we ourselves may be having BPD or our loved ones, and this book is the book that you would want to read. It is impactful, beautifully written, got me teary-eyed and I appreciate it so much that Debbie shares her journey with us.
"Regrets don't do any good in life. You can beat yourself up over the things you could have done, or should have done, but it won't change what happens."
August 29, 2016
Beautifully written and very impactful. This book eloquently illustrates the internal struggle that a family faces when loving someone who is battling both addiction and mental illness. I was moved to tears several times during this read and yet I could not put it down. My heart goes out to the authour who was brave enough to give such a deep and emotional account of a true tragedy that no parent should ever face. Well written and deeply impactful. I am glad I found it at Indigo for a weekend read that I will always reflect on.
June 4, 2020
This book is a raw and honest memoir, written by a mother about her daughter, Amy, who suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder and the difficulties that the family suffered because it it. Amy, as a teenager, got involved in a life of drug addiction and crime, which ultimately led to her being fatally shot at the age of 27. This is an important book as it humanizes these social and mental health issues for the reader and allows a deeper understanding of them. I am friends with Debbie and Ed Sands and I met them through the community theatre group mentioned in the memoir around the time that Debbie was writing it.
June 26, 2025
A lovely yet sad story of struggles with mental illness
This book really touched my heart, it is sad to know that so many of us with borderline personality disorder struggle so deeply, yeah, we love hard, which also gives us pain. Young Amy only lived till 27 years of age before her life was taken. I hope this book touches other people as deeply as it has touched my soul.
This book really touched my heart, it is sad to know that so many of us with borderline personality disorder struggle so deeply, yeah, we love hard, which also gives us pain. Young Amy only lived till 27 years of age before her life was taken. I hope this book touches other people as deeply as it has touched my soul.
June 27, 2017
A heartbreaking read.
March 12, 2017
This was a difficult book to read as I know the Sands family personally. I remember when they lost Amy, the pain and anguish that you saw in their faces at her funeral.
My hope is that this book helps someone the way it helped Debbie to write it. No one should lose a child, especially not in the way they lost Amy.
My hope is that this book helps someone the way it helped Debbie to write it. No one should lose a child, especially not in the way they lost Amy.
December 1, 2016
What does BPD mean to you? For me, it means this tragedy.
5/5 stars.
ebook, 162 pages.
Read from September 14 to 15, 2016.
I knew Amy. Not as well as I would have liked or for very long, but we grew up in the same town and had solid year together in the Studio Theatre class in our high school, the very one mentioned in this book. Her death hit the community and anyone that ever knew her hard. Perhaps this review is a little biased because of that connection but I am thankful that Debbie shared Amy’s story and her struggles.
Amy as I remember her in 2003 – Studio Theatre – Foothills Composite High School - Okotoks, AB
Amy passed away in the summer of 2012. She was shot through a garage door with a bullet that never should have been shot and was not ever intended for her. She was 27 years old. Amy was eccentric, fun, independent, beautiful and confident. I’ll never forget some of fun times we had or the few inside jokes we created together. I remember envying her. However, few would have ever known the struggles that she dealt with and the problems it would cause in her adult life. Even more, few would have known about the struggles Amy’s family went through in trying to help her.
Amy had borderline personality disorder (BPD). A mental health condition that is characterized by overt and unstable emotions as well as abnormal behavior and relationships with others. Sufferers often have an unstable sense of self and extreme sense of abandonment that can often lead to dangerous behaviors.
Amy’s condition drove her to abuse drugs and mix with a crowd of people that ended up resulting her death. The book details the intimate struggles that her family had to endure while trying to deal with Amy. I cannot fathom the amount of pain and how trying it would have been trying to manage Amy. Her family loved her dearly but at the same time did not want to be enforcers to her behavior. They knew she was troubled but it wasn’t until after Amy’s death that they came to determine that she had BPD. The book spares no details and gives the deep down trauma of living with BPD and what it does to loved ones. While the book was heartbreaking to read, it is also immensely insightful.
I had the pleasure of working with Debbie on during a Dewdney theatre production of The Importance of Being Ernest around 2005. Debbie made a stellar Lady Bracknell and she never ever showed any signs of the potential turmoil that was effecting her private life. I am so glad that she wrote this book. Not only has she shed light for all that loved Amy but she is spreading awareness of about BPD. I hope that the writing process has been a healing one for her. No mother, or family for that matter, should ever have to endure what she went through. It was very brave of her to publish this book.
I would highly recommend this book for anyone with BPD or has a loved one with BPD. Or for those who have had mental illness effect them or someone that the have loved. And especially for anyone that loved or knew Amy.
5/5 stars.
ebook, 162 pages.
Read from September 14 to 15, 2016.
I knew Amy. Not as well as I would have liked or for very long, but we grew up in the same town and had solid year together in the Studio Theatre class in our high school, the very one mentioned in this book. Her death hit the community and anyone that ever knew her hard. Perhaps this review is a little biased because of that connection but I am thankful that Debbie shared Amy’s story and her struggles.
Amy as I remember her in 2003 – Studio Theatre – Foothills Composite High School - Okotoks, AB
Amy passed away in the summer of 2012. She was shot through a garage door with a bullet that never should have been shot and was not ever intended for her. She was 27 years old. Amy was eccentric, fun, independent, beautiful and confident. I’ll never forget some of fun times we had or the few inside jokes we created together. I remember envying her. However, few would have ever known the struggles that she dealt with and the problems it would cause in her adult life. Even more, few would have known about the struggles Amy’s family went through in trying to help her.
Amy had borderline personality disorder (BPD). A mental health condition that is characterized by overt and unstable emotions as well as abnormal behavior and relationships with others. Sufferers often have an unstable sense of self and extreme sense of abandonment that can often lead to dangerous behaviors.
Amy’s condition drove her to abuse drugs and mix with a crowd of people that ended up resulting her death. The book details the intimate struggles that her family had to endure while trying to deal with Amy. I cannot fathom the amount of pain and how trying it would have been trying to manage Amy. Her family loved her dearly but at the same time did not want to be enforcers to her behavior. They knew she was troubled but it wasn’t until after Amy’s death that they came to determine that she had BPD. The book spares no details and gives the deep down trauma of living with BPD and what it does to loved ones. While the book was heartbreaking to read, it is also immensely insightful.
I had the pleasure of working with Debbie on during a Dewdney theatre production of The Importance of Being Ernest around 2005. Debbie made a stellar Lady Bracknell and she never ever showed any signs of the potential turmoil that was effecting her private life. I am so glad that she wrote this book. Not only has she shed light for all that loved Amy but she is spreading awareness of about BPD. I hope that the writing process has been a healing one for her. No mother, or family for that matter, should ever have to endure what she went through. It was very brave of her to publish this book.
I would highly recommend this book for anyone with BPD or has a loved one with BPD. Or for those who have had mental illness effect them or someone that the have loved. And especially for anyone that loved or knew Amy.
July 10, 2016
I can't even imagine the sadness, frustration, and devastation of slowly losing your daughter to drugs and a criminal lifestyle. And I don't even have kids. Heavy.
August 7, 2016
An eye opener about how life is lived with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Moving and oh so real!
August 23, 2016
A heart breaking story that outlines the effects of mental illness and the way our justice and health systems lack in efficiency, resources and compassion.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews