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Chancers: Addiction, Prison, Recovery, Love: One Couple's Memoir
For readers of Beautiful Boy, Drinking: A Love Story, and Dry comes a brave shared memoir, told in alternating chapters, of love, addiction, devotion, and redemption. When Stanford-educated New York Times journalist Susan Stellin met the edgy and charming Scottish portrait photographer Graham MacIndoe, they fell hard and fast. But after their romantic first few months together, Graham’s addiction to heroin and crack slowly eroded their relationship. In Chancers, they tell their story, from Graham’s arrest for drug possession, his stint at Riker’s Island, and his looming threat of deportation to Susan’s struggles, first to distance herself, then to follow her instincts to help him.
307 pages, ebook
First published June 7, 2016
31 people are currently reading
3324 people want to read
About the author
Susan Stellin
3 books18 followersSusan Stellin is freelance reporter who has contributed to The New York Times and other publications for more than 15 years. In 2014, she and her partner Graham MacIndoe were awarded a fellowship from The Alicia Patterson Foundation for their project American Exile. Previously she worked as an editor at The Times and at CNET in San Francisco. Susan has a B.A. in political science from Stanford University and spent two years after college teaching English and writing in Buenos Aires, Argentina. She grew up in Michigan and lives in Brooklyn.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
June 8, 2018
I’ve long been appalled and embarrassed that the United States has the highest incarceration rate in the world, primarily because of the ridiculous and losing war on drugs. According to one source, we make up 4.4 percent of the world’s population, and 22 percent of the incarceration rate. It’s unbelievably expensive to tax payers to maintain this, but we do get to exploit free labor after all. For example, the forest fires in Southern California are fought by real firefighters who get paid, and low-level drug/alcohol offenders (meaning they have a problem with substance abuse but are not violent) make up the rest of the wildfire firefighting team.
This book is written from the perspective of a journalist who fell in love with a photographer. Susan knew that Graham had been to rehab and quit drinking. It took her longer to realize that while he gave up alcohol, he took up crack and heroin.
This is partially a true story about loving someone with an unhealthy relationship to illegal drugs, but it’s also about how our prison system treats people with addiction issues. Mainly, they don’t treat them for the problem, but punish them for having it.
It’s also about how cruel our immigration system is. Graham is Scottish. He’d been working as a successful commercial photographer in the States for 18 years when he got busted for possession. So after serving time in Rikers for possession, instead of being released, he was whisked away by immigration, where he wasn’t given a lawyer and it took weeks to even see a judge. He writes in the book that a mass murderer who is a U.S. citizen has infinitely more rights than an immigrant, even one with a green card. He writes that several of the people there had families here and only knew the United States. They didn’t know a single person from their country of origin, where they’d be flown back to with no money or possessions for minor crimes. Like the Gulf War veteran who got into a bar fight defending Bush for declaring war. This happened in 2010, under the Obama administration. I cannot begin to imagine the hell of even documented immigrants today.
Graham was incredibly lucky in some ways because he speaks English and could afford an immigration lawyer and he had Susan, a trained journalist, exhaustively fighting for him outside the prison walls.
This is a fast read about a sad topic.
For more reviews, please visit: http://www.theresaalan.net/blog
This book is written from the perspective of a journalist who fell in love with a photographer. Susan knew that Graham had been to rehab and quit drinking. It took her longer to realize that while he gave up alcohol, he took up crack and heroin.
This is partially a true story about loving someone with an unhealthy relationship to illegal drugs, but it’s also about how our prison system treats people with addiction issues. Mainly, they don’t treat them for the problem, but punish them for having it.
It’s also about how cruel our immigration system is. Graham is Scottish. He’d been working as a successful commercial photographer in the States for 18 years when he got busted for possession. So after serving time in Rikers for possession, instead of being released, he was whisked away by immigration, where he wasn’t given a lawyer and it took weeks to even see a judge. He writes in the book that a mass murderer who is a U.S. citizen has infinitely more rights than an immigrant, even one with a green card. He writes that several of the people there had families here and only knew the United States. They didn’t know a single person from their country of origin, where they’d be flown back to with no money or possessions for minor crimes. Like the Gulf War veteran who got into a bar fight defending Bush for declaring war. This happened in 2010, under the Obama administration. I cannot begin to imagine the hell of even documented immigrants today.
Graham was incredibly lucky in some ways because he speaks English and could afford an immigration lawyer and he had Susan, a trained journalist, exhaustively fighting for him outside the prison walls.
This is a fast read about a sad topic.
For more reviews, please visit: http://www.theresaalan.net/blog
July 2, 2016
3.5
I’m greedy for juice, and a memoir about addiction should have plenty. We have prison juice and junkie juice, yum! But then we also have a Girl Scout trying to earn her humanitarian badge, which is pretty damn juiceless, no matter how you slice it.
This book is unique and clever—it’s a two-person memoir, with alternating chapters for each. The Scottish photographer druggie, Graham, tells his story, and the journalist rescuer, Susan, tells hers. I loved the somewhat suspenseful beginning: Secrets and lies, hopefulness and innocence, the pull of addiction, different realities. But the big middle, where the two of them are not involved, sagged for me. I found myself bored every time it was Susan’s turn. And although Graham’s story was way more interesting (drugs and prison, oh yes), I’m thinking he must have been too stoned out to remember much because he talks without a lot of passion.
Which leads me to the voice. Susan’s reporter chops were on full display here, and that’s both good and bad. The good part is that the writing is damn smooth, damn fine—and it’s conversational and not pretentious. The bad part is that there isn’t much emotion—if you’re reporting facts, you usually have to filter out the feelings so that you stay credible. The problem here is, we’re talking about a relationship (where juice should abound), we’re talking about the ugliness of addiction, we’re talking about prison, we’re talking about juice all over the place. But in this book? No juice!
But to make matters worse, Susan writes Graham’s story for him, so we get pure Reporter Susan voice. I get it: She’s the writer so she is in charge. She wants it to be a smooth read. But for me, it didn’t feel right to have him talking away in the same tone as her. I know they struggled with this problem. In the endearing epilogue (which I absolutely loved, partly because it talked about their collaborative writing process), Susan said Graham would complain, “But that doesn’t sound like me!” So I should just look at it as her helping him tell his story, not putting words in his mouth.
Call me weird, but I loved how Graham described a time when he shot up. It was so vivid and detailed, I felt like I was peeking out from the closet as he prepared the needle, shot up, and then went to heaven. Way creepy! (I don’t think I would have made a good junkie; when they do a blood draw, I have to close my eyes tight and still look away.) Little details, like seeing dots of blood (from his needles) on his bills, really added to the sad picture of what his life had become.
The parts I liked best were the prison scenes. I’ve read a lot of books about addiction, but I haven’t read about a junkie in jail. A whole new world to me, and it grabbed me. Graham’s fascinating recounting of his months-long stints in prison had just the right amount of detail and horror to keep me riveted. All of the intense bureaucratic and unfair shit he had to go through made me cringe. Reading this definitely pressed my Injustice button.
I’m feeling a little mean here, but really, Susan is just too goody-two-shoes for me. And yes, what she does for Graham wins her the humanitarian award of the year, but still. I felt like she was way too perfect and way too braggy and I don’t think she really understands addiction. She’s so damn squeaky clean I want to go get drunk and smoke cigarettes.
Oh, and one last complaint: This book is way too long—about 450 pages. Too much detail about their every action, especially Susan's. Memoirs should be shorter; I’m thinking 350 pages, max. Cut this baby in half!
Despite my complaints, the story kept me engaged and I was invested in how the story ended. I wasn’t expecting to read anything about injustice, but this turned out to be a great expose of a guy in the prison system who really shouldn’t be there, and I liked seeing what really happens in this country. And even though Susan got on my nerves, I really do admire her perseverance, her kindness, and her great writing.
Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.
I’m greedy for juice, and a memoir about addiction should have plenty. We have prison juice and junkie juice, yum! But then we also have a Girl Scout trying to earn her humanitarian badge, which is pretty damn juiceless, no matter how you slice it.
This book is unique and clever—it’s a two-person memoir, with alternating chapters for each. The Scottish photographer druggie, Graham, tells his story, and the journalist rescuer, Susan, tells hers. I loved the somewhat suspenseful beginning: Secrets and lies, hopefulness and innocence, the pull of addiction, different realities. But the big middle, where the two of them are not involved, sagged for me. I found myself bored every time it was Susan’s turn. And although Graham’s story was way more interesting (drugs and prison, oh yes), I’m thinking he must have been too stoned out to remember much because he talks without a lot of passion.
Which leads me to the voice. Susan’s reporter chops were on full display here, and that’s both good and bad. The good part is that the writing is damn smooth, damn fine—and it’s conversational and not pretentious. The bad part is that there isn’t much emotion—if you’re reporting facts, you usually have to filter out the feelings so that you stay credible. The problem here is, we’re talking about a relationship (where juice should abound), we’re talking about the ugliness of addiction, we’re talking about prison, we’re talking about juice all over the place. But in this book? No juice!
But to make matters worse, Susan writes Graham’s story for him, so we get pure Reporter Susan voice. I get it: She’s the writer so she is in charge. She wants it to be a smooth read. But for me, it didn’t feel right to have him talking away in the same tone as her. I know they struggled with this problem. In the endearing epilogue (which I absolutely loved, partly because it talked about their collaborative writing process), Susan said Graham would complain, “But that doesn’t sound like me!” So I should just look at it as her helping him tell his story, not putting words in his mouth.
Call me weird, but I loved how Graham described a time when he shot up. It was so vivid and detailed, I felt like I was peeking out from the closet as he prepared the needle, shot up, and then went to heaven. Way creepy! (I don’t think I would have made a good junkie; when they do a blood draw, I have to close my eyes tight and still look away.) Little details, like seeing dots of blood (from his needles) on his bills, really added to the sad picture of what his life had become.
The parts I liked best were the prison scenes. I’ve read a lot of books about addiction, but I haven’t read about a junkie in jail. A whole new world to me, and it grabbed me. Graham’s fascinating recounting of his months-long stints in prison had just the right amount of detail and horror to keep me riveted. All of the intense bureaucratic and unfair shit he had to go through made me cringe. Reading this definitely pressed my Injustice button.
I’m feeling a little mean here, but really, Susan is just too goody-two-shoes for me. And yes, what she does for Graham wins her the humanitarian award of the year, but still. I felt like she was way too perfect and way too braggy and I don’t think she really understands addiction. She’s so damn squeaky clean I want to go get drunk and smoke cigarettes.
Oh, and one last complaint: This book is way too long—about 450 pages. Too much detail about their every action, especially Susan's. Memoirs should be shorter; I’m thinking 350 pages, max. Cut this baby in half!
Despite my complaints, the story kept me engaged and I was invested in how the story ended. I wasn’t expecting to read anything about injustice, but this turned out to be a great expose of a guy in the prison system who really shouldn’t be there, and I liked seeing what really happens in this country. And even though Susan got on my nerves, I really do admire her perseverance, her kindness, and her great writing.
Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.
May 29, 2016
I found reading Chancers mesmerizing, despite the niggling voices at the back of my mind as I read it. Chancers is a two person memoir written by Susan Stellin and Graham MacIndoe. Susan is a journalist and Graham is Scottish and a photographer living in New York. They had a relatively brief relationship approximately 10 years ago, which ended badly when Susan discovered that Graham was a crack and heroin addict -- and a consummate liar as addicts often are. A few years later, Susan finds out that Graham is in jail and at risk of being deported back to the UK. She then decides to help him in every way imaginable -- getting him decent legal help, getting the loose ends of his life outside of jail organized, and providing emotional support through lengthy calls and exchanges of correspondence. The memoir is told in alternating chapters written by Susan and Graham. The alternating chapters work really well, because what Susan and Graham experienced while in their relationship, while apart and then when Graham is in jail is very different, and getting their different perspectives makes for a really compelling experience.
What made this mesmerizing? It's hard not to like Susan and Graham -- in fact, one of the particular strengths of the book is that it makes clear that there's more to Graham than his addiction -- although addiction made him a real "shite" for many years. It's also hard not to root for a happy ending -- as their story unfolds with its setbacks and rough spots. And it's hard not to respect Susan and Graham for laying their story out for the world the world to see -- although it does also feel like something they had to do for themselves.
The niggling voice at the back of my mind? Unfortunately, their story feels almost too good to be true. Susan was extraordinary in the efforts she made for Graham, but going all out for an addict can be dangerous -- even Susan and Graham acknowledge that their journey is not typical. Also, it seemed that some of the journey is missing -- especially parts of Graham's long dark descent before his arrest -- and again they acknowledge this in the epilogue, explaining that some things were too painful for Graham to recount or for his friends and family to have to read. And finally, the life story of an addict is not over until it's over -- hopefully, Graham's demons are exorcised forever, but who knows...
But forget about the niggling voice. This was still a great read -- innovative in using two voices, powerful and moving. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving access to an advance copy.
What made this mesmerizing? It's hard not to like Susan and Graham -- in fact, one of the particular strengths of the book is that it makes clear that there's more to Graham than his addiction -- although addiction made him a real "shite" for many years. It's also hard not to root for a happy ending -- as their story unfolds with its setbacks and rough spots. And it's hard not to respect Susan and Graham for laying their story out for the world the world to see -- although it does also feel like something they had to do for themselves.
The niggling voice at the back of my mind? Unfortunately, their story feels almost too good to be true. Susan was extraordinary in the efforts she made for Graham, but going all out for an addict can be dangerous -- even Susan and Graham acknowledge that their journey is not typical. Also, it seemed that some of the journey is missing -- especially parts of Graham's long dark descent before his arrest -- and again they acknowledge this in the epilogue, explaining that some things were too painful for Graham to recount or for his friends and family to have to read. And finally, the life story of an addict is not over until it's over -- hopefully, Graham's demons are exorcised forever, but who knows...
But forget about the niggling voice. This was still a great read -- innovative in using two voices, powerful and moving. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving access to an advance copy.
July 7, 2016
While I appreciate a memoir on addiction that shows it can target anyone, regardless of class or social standing, this one didn't fully grab me. Graham is a photographer, Susan a journalist. Susan has left their relationship due to Graham's using, but re-enters his life years later when she discovers he is in serious trouble. Her decision to help against all odds is the focus of this book.
The events are told in alternating voices between Graham and Susan, but often felt as if one person was doing the telling for both. Maybe this is due to Susan's profession, but I just didn't feel the anguish in Graham's voice. While I was all for Susan coming to Graham's aid, there was just something I couldn't wrap my brain around. With all her ideas to fix Graham, did she never once research what addiction is? She believes Graham needs to look at his childhood traumas, or unresolved "causes" leading to addiction. Unfortunately addiction is a disease, not a moral issue, or something caused by childhood trauma.
I know I've done a little ranting, but all in all, this is not a bad read. The idea to help an addict is one that many think is pointless, yet there are so many who want help and find it unavailable. How many could be saved if not only people, but our government gave a shit. This sure gave me a hard look at the U.S. Justice system, and for that alone this one is well worth the read.
Thanks to NetGalley for an advanced copy.
The events are told in alternating voices between Graham and Susan, but often felt as if one person was doing the telling for both. Maybe this is due to Susan's profession, but I just didn't feel the anguish in Graham's voice. While I was all for Susan coming to Graham's aid, there was just something I couldn't wrap my brain around. With all her ideas to fix Graham, did she never once research what addiction is? She believes Graham needs to look at his childhood traumas, or unresolved "causes" leading to addiction. Unfortunately addiction is a disease, not a moral issue, or something caused by childhood trauma.
I know I've done a little ranting, but all in all, this is not a bad read. The idea to help an addict is one that many think is pointless, yet there are so many who want help and find it unavailable. How many could be saved if not only people, but our government gave a shit. This sure gave me a hard look at the U.S. Justice system, and for that alone this one is well worth the read.
Thanks to NetGalley for an advanced copy.
May 12, 2016
I've read several memoirs about addiction but what makes Chancers different is that it alternates between the viewpoints of the addict, Graham Macindoe and his girlfriend, Susan Stellin. Stellin, a reporter, met Macindoe, a photographer, in Montauk, NY but it was nearly three years later when she asked him to photograph her professionally for the travel book she had just written. Several months later, the two reconnect and begin an almost accidental relationship.
However, Graham is hiding from Susan that he is addicted to heroin. A talented photographer, he soon gets to the point that he's not working at all. At first supportive, Susan finally withdraws from the day to day challenges of trying to cure an addict, yet she remains always on the fringe of his life. Finally hitting rock bottom, Graham is arrested for possession and sent to Rikers Island where he serves his time. Macindoe, born in Scotland and not yet a naturalized citizen, learns that his conviction for a drug offense makes him subject to deportation. Through a stroke of luck, Susan re-enters Macindoe's life just when he needs it the most.
This is a fascinating story of addiction and the lengths that people will go to to help one another. The alternating viewpoints is an effective way of letting the reader see the story from both sides. It is an honest account of how ugly addiction can be both for the addict and those who love him/her. On another note, If you're so inclined, Mr Mcindoe took pictures of himself in the throes of addiction and those photos are available online.
Thanks to the authors, the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC of this book. I loved it and will recommend it as a book of 2016.
However, Graham is hiding from Susan that he is addicted to heroin. A talented photographer, he soon gets to the point that he's not working at all. At first supportive, Susan finally withdraws from the day to day challenges of trying to cure an addict, yet she remains always on the fringe of his life. Finally hitting rock bottom, Graham is arrested for possession and sent to Rikers Island where he serves his time. Macindoe, born in Scotland and not yet a naturalized citizen, learns that his conviction for a drug offense makes him subject to deportation. Through a stroke of luck, Susan re-enters Macindoe's life just when he needs it the most.
This is a fascinating story of addiction and the lengths that people will go to to help one another. The alternating viewpoints is an effective way of letting the reader see the story from both sides. It is an honest account of how ugly addiction can be both for the addict and those who love him/her. On another note, If you're so inclined, Mr Mcindoe took pictures of himself in the throes of addiction and those photos are available online.
Thanks to the authors, the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC of this book. I loved it and will recommend it as a book of 2016.
August 19, 2016
One couple's memoir of their relationship that survived the brutal grip of addiction, "Chancers: Addiction Prison Recovery Love" recalled by author Susan Stellin and Scottish-American photographer Graham MacIndoe. Truly a heartwarming story of the redemption and power of love to triumph over the harshest conditions and adversities.
This unlikely couple reconnected through a photo shoot, several years after meeting through mutual friends. Despite Graham being twice divorced, this didn't set off alarm bells. Graham shared so openly with Susan, there were explanations; Graham was the father of a teenage son. Neither one had ever felt that deep profound connection with anyone else before. After a whirlwind trip to Hawaii, Susan discovered Graham's drug paraphernalia hidden behind a bathroom mirror. How could this have happened, Susan would question every notion and belief she ever had regarding love and trust in relationships.
The story unfolds over many years, Susan successfully published her first book and continued writing, moving near Graham's brownstone in Brooklyn. It was nearly impossible to keep up with Graham with the secrecy and lies associated with addiction. Susan bailed him out of Riker's once, it was impossible to continue a romance, though the couple remained in touch as friends. Not surprisingly, Graham would lose everything with another prison term at Ricker's for drug possession, and wrote of the horror of being chained to other prisoners while in the throes of dope sickness. The process of facing his own truth's: possible deportation, never seeing his son again, recovering in prison and staying clean were huge obstacles he would face, as he worked his way back to the only lasting love he had ever known.
Susan would miss out on many milestones of most women her age: engagements, weddings, marriage and children. After three years, feeling "paralyzed" and unable to move on after all the self-analysis; Susan provided one of the most articulate reasons for discontinuing therapy:
"Therapy has been enormously helpful to me, in many, many ways, but something about constantly questioning and analyzing everything in my life was getting me down. I need some space to see what's working and what's not, so I can get a clearer sense of what I want to address or change."
Out of contact with Graham for a long period of time, Susan was greatly concerned, fearing he might have died from an overdose, she tracked him down through prison records online. How they would reconnect was nothing short of miraculous! The second half of the book moves at a snails pace, yet shows the frustration of dealing with prison officials, bureaucracy, and the cold hard facts of criminal justice. Graham's immigration attorney would encourage them to reconnect through letters, which would help articulate on deep seated issues. This is an inspiring unforgettable story of love surviving against unmerciful unthinkable odds.
Much appreciation and thanks to Ballantine Books for sponsoring the Goodreads Give-aways, where I won a copy of this book for the purpose of review.
This unlikely couple reconnected through a photo shoot, several years after meeting through mutual friends. Despite Graham being twice divorced, this didn't set off alarm bells. Graham shared so openly with Susan, there were explanations; Graham was the father of a teenage son. Neither one had ever felt that deep profound connection with anyone else before. After a whirlwind trip to Hawaii, Susan discovered Graham's drug paraphernalia hidden behind a bathroom mirror. How could this have happened, Susan would question every notion and belief she ever had regarding love and trust in relationships.
The story unfolds over many years, Susan successfully published her first book and continued writing, moving near Graham's brownstone in Brooklyn. It was nearly impossible to keep up with Graham with the secrecy and lies associated with addiction. Susan bailed him out of Riker's once, it was impossible to continue a romance, though the couple remained in touch as friends. Not surprisingly, Graham would lose everything with another prison term at Ricker's for drug possession, and wrote of the horror of being chained to other prisoners while in the throes of dope sickness. The process of facing his own truth's: possible deportation, never seeing his son again, recovering in prison and staying clean were huge obstacles he would face, as he worked his way back to the only lasting love he had ever known.
Susan would miss out on many milestones of most women her age: engagements, weddings, marriage and children. After three years, feeling "paralyzed" and unable to move on after all the self-analysis; Susan provided one of the most articulate reasons for discontinuing therapy:
"Therapy has been enormously helpful to me, in many, many ways, but something about constantly questioning and analyzing everything in my life was getting me down. I need some space to see what's working and what's not, so I can get a clearer sense of what I want to address or change."
Out of contact with Graham for a long period of time, Susan was greatly concerned, fearing he might have died from an overdose, she tracked him down through prison records online. How they would reconnect was nothing short of miraculous! The second half of the book moves at a snails pace, yet shows the frustration of dealing with prison officials, bureaucracy, and the cold hard facts of criminal justice. Graham's immigration attorney would encourage them to reconnect through letters, which would help articulate on deep seated issues. This is an inspiring unforgettable story of love surviving against unmerciful unthinkable odds.
Much appreciation and thanks to Ballantine Books for sponsoring the Goodreads Give-aways, where I won a copy of this book for the purpose of review.
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May 2, 2016I won this book as a giveaway on Goodreads and I'm so happy that I finally got the chance to finish it! I am a recovering alcoholic so I love any memoir type book about alcoholism/addiction. I love how this book gives the perspective of both Graham and Susan. Both viewpoints are so important with this disease because the addicts perception is SO skewed when they are "in" the disease. We don't realize what we are putting other people through and this is a great example of that. I really liked this book a lot and I plan on recommending it to my friends!!!
August 18, 2017
Admire the authors' courage in telling this difficult story and how open and honest they were. A he said/she said, alternating chapters, but not opposing views of the same story, just different perspectives of the same story. The story does belong to both of them and the reader really benefits from their having chosen this approach. The writing style seems to reflect her influence as a journalist, very informative, this happened and then this happened and then this happened. Nothing wrong with that, it's probably a lot like my own memoir would sound, not flowery and creative-writing-y like memoirs often are.
March 24, 2016
ARC via netgalley
One of the best biographies I have ever read. Gut wrenching and real. Full review to come
One of the best biographies I have ever read. Gut wrenching and real. Full review to come
May 21, 2016
I decided to read and review this title because I anticipated that it would be, by and large, a depiction and critique of the American prison system and Homeland Security. As it happens, that is really only a small part of this memoir, which focuses more on the couple’s relationship and the way that addiction warps and undermines trust and affection. Nevertheless, I found it really compelling, and so thank you Net Galley and Random House Ballantine for the opportunity to read and review free and ahead of the public in exchange for this honest review. The memoir will be available to the public June 7, 2016.
Susan met Graham at a beach getaway where they were two of the people sharing a large house over the course of a vacation. Later, when she needed an author photo done for a book she had written, she remembered that he was a photographer that had worked for the Guardian, and she called him to see if he was interested.
That’s when everything began.
The memoir was originally going to be Susan’s alone, but eventually it occurred to her that Graham could contribute a lot in sharing his experiences with addiction and the point of view from which he saw the world when he was in that condition.
Imagine using heroin because it is easier to hide than alcoholism. From the frying pan into the fire! And hide it he did through the first stages of their relationship. He did romance like nobody’s business and she tried to remain objective, but there’s nothing all that objective about falling in love. And so although he made some highly questionable decisions, it took her awhile to find out about the heroin, which he had told her was behind him. But the heroin wasn’t behind him, and neither was the crack. And before she knows it, she is drawn partially down his rabbit hole while keeping one foot in that of mainstream journalism. It’s a strange place to be.
This reviewer has never minced words about my dislike for cops in general and the punitive, demoralizing, racist, class-based system that is the so-called American Justice System; yet Macindoe didn’t earn much sympathy from me. His narrative is in turns puling, angry with no justification, whiny and full of self pity, up until the end when he has finally shucked the monkey from his back as he reaches his golden years.
Macindoe had climbed from his early impoverished years as a child of a Scottish miner to the middle class world of photo-journalism. He was in the USA by preference and because his son from an earlier marriage was here; thus it was hard to feel the kind of solidarity with him that automatically comes to me regarding Third World citizens that are in the US as the only means by which they can feed their families. He owned a brownstone in New York City and had published photos internationally, garnering praise and a certain level of renown. And so…seriously? Heroin?
It was Stellin that kept me turning the pages. Every time she decided to step back from the relationship I wanted to yank her into the nearest lady’s room and tell her one woman to another to lose this guy entirely. Even her former husband, now in a gay relationship, advised her to “cut bait”. And every time she decided she could offer him some assistance even though they were no longer romantically involved, every time she wondered what their relationship could be like if only he were off the smack, I wanted to howl. After all, the relationship might be interesting if one of them grew a second head or a third eye in the middle of the forehead, but what were the chances?
“Chancers” turns out to be a Scottish expression, and I will leave the reader to find out what it means.
I found this story had an addictive quality of its own, a romantic drama not unlike the soap operas that were the only adult voices I heard most days when I was a stay-at-home mother in the 1980’s. Graham was full of shit, I figured, but I still had to know what happened next.
In the course of hearing Susan and Graham’s story, I did learn a number of things about Homeland Security that I had not known before. Imagine feeling nostalgic for Riker’s Island because it was so much more compassionate than the one for potential deportees!
And so I have to say this is a good read, an ideal book to take on vacation and flop on the beach with; just don’t get so absorbed that you scorch your tender skin, because it’s mighty distracting regardless of what is happening around you.
Fascinating and recommended to those that like compelling memoirs or are interested in addiction issues and the US penal system.
Susan met Graham at a beach getaway where they were two of the people sharing a large house over the course of a vacation. Later, when she needed an author photo done for a book she had written, she remembered that he was a photographer that had worked for the Guardian, and she called him to see if he was interested.
That’s when everything began.
The memoir was originally going to be Susan’s alone, but eventually it occurred to her that Graham could contribute a lot in sharing his experiences with addiction and the point of view from which he saw the world when he was in that condition.
Imagine using heroin because it is easier to hide than alcoholism. From the frying pan into the fire! And hide it he did through the first stages of their relationship. He did romance like nobody’s business and she tried to remain objective, but there’s nothing all that objective about falling in love. And so although he made some highly questionable decisions, it took her awhile to find out about the heroin, which he had told her was behind him. But the heroin wasn’t behind him, and neither was the crack. And before she knows it, she is drawn partially down his rabbit hole while keeping one foot in that of mainstream journalism. It’s a strange place to be.
This reviewer has never minced words about my dislike for cops in general and the punitive, demoralizing, racist, class-based system that is the so-called American Justice System; yet Macindoe didn’t earn much sympathy from me. His narrative is in turns puling, angry with no justification, whiny and full of self pity, up until the end when he has finally shucked the monkey from his back as he reaches his golden years.
Macindoe had climbed from his early impoverished years as a child of a Scottish miner to the middle class world of photo-journalism. He was in the USA by preference and because his son from an earlier marriage was here; thus it was hard to feel the kind of solidarity with him that automatically comes to me regarding Third World citizens that are in the US as the only means by which they can feed their families. He owned a brownstone in New York City and had published photos internationally, garnering praise and a certain level of renown. And so…seriously? Heroin?
It was Stellin that kept me turning the pages. Every time she decided to step back from the relationship I wanted to yank her into the nearest lady’s room and tell her one woman to another to lose this guy entirely. Even her former husband, now in a gay relationship, advised her to “cut bait”. And every time she decided she could offer him some assistance even though they were no longer romantically involved, every time she wondered what their relationship could be like if only he were off the smack, I wanted to howl. After all, the relationship might be interesting if one of them grew a second head or a third eye in the middle of the forehead, but what were the chances?
“Chancers” turns out to be a Scottish expression, and I will leave the reader to find out what it means.
I found this story had an addictive quality of its own, a romantic drama not unlike the soap operas that were the only adult voices I heard most days when I was a stay-at-home mother in the 1980’s. Graham was full of shit, I figured, but I still had to know what happened next.
In the course of hearing Susan and Graham’s story, I did learn a number of things about Homeland Security that I had not known before. Imagine feeling nostalgic for Riker’s Island because it was so much more compassionate than the one for potential deportees!
And so I have to say this is a good read, an ideal book to take on vacation and flop on the beach with; just don’t get so absorbed that you scorch your tender skin, because it’s mighty distracting regardless of what is happening around you.
Fascinating and recommended to those that like compelling memoirs or are interested in addiction issues and the US penal system.
August 7, 2016
Well, not too sure what to say about this book. I am afraid it did not drum up in me the emotions that it meant to. I do love a memoir, I am just interested in how people live their lives, their viewpoints, their jobs, and most of all, their growth. Especially people who overcome terrible odds to find a deeper meaning and sense of purpose. For me, this book lacked heart. The writing was very well crafted, unfortunately to the expense of the depth. I will take soul and substance over perfection any day. But that is just me.
First, the good. It was very well written. It really was. I believe that Susan has real talent as a writer and I admire that. I believe she is also an amazing person. Once she gets a hold of something, she doesn't let go. My grandmother would have said she has alligator blood. She is definitely the person you want on your side in a fight...I mean that sincerely. I have immense respect for her resourcefulness, determination, and strength of will. Truly astounding.
The not so good. It really lacked heart, any real introspection. I think the thing which is most compelling about drug addiction, is the why's? What causes a person to go down this path? Addiction is no respector of race, religion, or color. It is a disease and a bankruptcy of the spirit. But there are many people who try drugs and are able to walk away. What sets apart those who become addicted? . Also, what causes a person to stand by a person who has repeatedly lied to them and in many ways, emotionally abused them? Perhaps co-dependency, at least that is what most of my recovering friends would say. I really did not see any of that addressed here.
I know that I was supposed to feel horrible regarding the way Graham was treated in prison. I get that. I also get that prison sucks. It is supposed to. But, the thing that they both seem to forget, is that it was he who put himself there. More than a few times, they would say it was just over a misdemeanor. But, on the outside looking in, it really was not "just a misdemeanor." It was multiple run ins with the police, not to mention the IRS. Seriously, what did they think would happen? It was no surprise to me that ICE wanted to deport him at that point. He was not a contributing member of society.
A fair portion of this book was spent on self-pity and complaining about the "system." I know that dealing with bureaucracies can be maddening. There has got to be a way to improve this. Why is it that private businesses are always seeking to improve, while Government Bureaucracies are content to stay in the stone age? I think we can all agree that there is vast room for improvement with all of them. However, try being an immigrant in just about any other country and have multiple run-ins with the law. It will make you wish for the bureaucratic bs of the United States. In more than a few countries you would never be seen or heard from again. I do not just mean developing countries.
Anyway, I do wish them the best and hope it works out for them. I do. I believe in second chances and sometimes even a third and fourth. I think it is very courageous to put yourself out there, the way they did in this book. It just did not illicit the response in me that I think it was meant to.
First, the good. It was very well written. It really was. I believe that Susan has real talent as a writer and I admire that. I believe she is also an amazing person. Once she gets a hold of something, she doesn't let go. My grandmother would have said she has alligator blood. She is definitely the person you want on your side in a fight...I mean that sincerely. I have immense respect for her resourcefulness, determination, and strength of will. Truly astounding.
The not so good. It really lacked heart, any real introspection. I think the thing which is most compelling about drug addiction, is the why's? What causes a person to go down this path? Addiction is no respector of race, religion, or color. It is a disease and a bankruptcy of the spirit. But there are many people who try drugs and are able to walk away. What sets apart those who become addicted? . Also, what causes a person to stand by a person who has repeatedly lied to them and in many ways, emotionally abused them? Perhaps co-dependency, at least that is what most of my recovering friends would say. I really did not see any of that addressed here.
I know that I was supposed to feel horrible regarding the way Graham was treated in prison. I get that. I also get that prison sucks. It is supposed to. But, the thing that they both seem to forget, is that it was he who put himself there. More than a few times, they would say it was just over a misdemeanor. But, on the outside looking in, it really was not "just a misdemeanor." It was multiple run ins with the police, not to mention the IRS. Seriously, what did they think would happen? It was no surprise to me that ICE wanted to deport him at that point. He was not a contributing member of society.
A fair portion of this book was spent on self-pity and complaining about the "system." I know that dealing with bureaucracies can be maddening. There has got to be a way to improve this. Why is it that private businesses are always seeking to improve, while Government Bureaucracies are content to stay in the stone age? I think we can all agree that there is vast room for improvement with all of them. However, try being an immigrant in just about any other country and have multiple run-ins with the law. It will make you wish for the bureaucratic bs of the United States. In more than a few countries you would never be seen or heard from again. I do not just mean developing countries.
Anyway, I do wish them the best and hope it works out for them. I do. I believe in second chances and sometimes even a third and fourth. I think it is very courageous to put yourself out there, the way they did in this book. It just did not illicit the response in me that I think it was meant to.
Read
June 16, 2016I have more books in my pile of books to be read then I want to admit to. Yet when I ran across, CHANCERS: ADDICTION, PRISON, RECOVERY, LOVE: ONE COUPLE’S MEMOIR by SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE, I ordered it. That it is a memoir and had the word prison is what drew me in.
When Susan Stellin asked Graham MacIndoe to shoot her author photo for an upcoming travel book, she couldn’t have imagined in her wildest dreams the journey it would lead her on.
I’m not sure what I expected when I ordered CHANCERS: ADDICTION, PRISON, RECOVERY, LOVE: ONE COUPLE’S MEMOIR by SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE. What I didn’t expect was a beautifully written, honest account of two people’s lives.
CHANCERS flips between SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE’S story of their life as they travel through their relationship. SUSAN and GRAHAM have distinct voices, yet maintain coherency in writing style.
CHANCERS is a fascinating read, one you won’t be able to put down. SUSAN gives an honest look into the experience of having someone you love addicted to drugs. GRAHAM gives a harsh account of the reality of what drugs can do to one’s life. A fascinating walk through addition to drugs, experiencing withdrawals, prison, and the system we count on to be just.
I have been volunteering in prison ministry since 2004. In all I have witness and been informed of by inmates, GRAHAM brought the experience from the view of one going through it to life, not hiding the ugly and brutal truth.
CHANCERS is written like a great novel. Suspense, hope, love, uncertainty, and intrigue makes it hard to put down. I highly recommend CHANCERS: ADDICTION, PRISON, RECOVERY, LOVE: ONE COUPLE’S MEMOIR, and would gladly purchase other books written by SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE.
*Please see my profile for more information on this review.
When Susan Stellin asked Graham MacIndoe to shoot her author photo for an upcoming travel book, she couldn’t have imagined in her wildest dreams the journey it would lead her on.
I’m not sure what I expected when I ordered CHANCERS: ADDICTION, PRISON, RECOVERY, LOVE: ONE COUPLE’S MEMOIR by SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE. What I didn’t expect was a beautifully written, honest account of two people’s lives.
CHANCERS flips between SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE’S story of their life as they travel through their relationship. SUSAN and GRAHAM have distinct voices, yet maintain coherency in writing style.
CHANCERS is a fascinating read, one you won’t be able to put down. SUSAN gives an honest look into the experience of having someone you love addicted to drugs. GRAHAM gives a harsh account of the reality of what drugs can do to one’s life. A fascinating walk through addition to drugs, experiencing withdrawals, prison, and the system we count on to be just.
I have been volunteering in prison ministry since 2004. In all I have witness and been informed of by inmates, GRAHAM brought the experience from the view of one going through it to life, not hiding the ugly and brutal truth.
CHANCERS is written like a great novel. Suspense, hope, love, uncertainty, and intrigue makes it hard to put down. I highly recommend CHANCERS: ADDICTION, PRISON, RECOVERY, LOVE: ONE COUPLE’S MEMOIR, and would gladly purchase other books written by SUSAN STELLIN AND GRAHAM MACINDOE.
*Please see my profile for more information on this review.
June 15, 2016
This book is so hard to review - parts of it I loved and other parts - not so much.
I have always said that people who write memoirs are brave, putting it all out there must be so scary.
I was engrossed, for most of the story. Susan's point of view was the one I felt drawn to. Well told, excellent writing and at times, difficult to read because it shows just how smart women can be dumb when it comes to love!
As for Graham - all I kept wanting to say to him (and continue to want to say) is: grow up AND grow a pair. They say that when you are addict, you stop maturing at the age you first used - I..e. if you started at 12 - you are still emotionally 12, even if you are an adult and Graham is the clear definition of this.
I am not sure that helping with EVERY DAMN LITTLE THING - was actually helping him at all. What a baby and he did find someone (Susan) who was right there to help him with everything. This part of the story made me mad - she defines it as "standing by your man" and "being kind" - perhaps, but I am not so sure - this story certainly gave me lots to think about.
Nonetheless this is a 4 star read because it is interesting and honest.
I have always said that people who write memoirs are brave, putting it all out there must be so scary.
I was engrossed, for most of the story. Susan's point of view was the one I felt drawn to. Well told, excellent writing and at times, difficult to read because it shows just how smart women can be dumb when it comes to love!
As for Graham - all I kept wanting to say to him (and continue to want to say) is: grow up AND grow a pair. They say that when you are addict, you stop maturing at the age you first used - I..e. if you started at 12 - you are still emotionally 12, even if you are an adult and Graham is the clear definition of this.
I am not sure that helping with EVERY DAMN LITTLE THING - was actually helping him at all. What a baby and he did find someone (Susan) who was right there to help him with everything. This part of the story made me mad - she defines it as "standing by your man" and "being kind" - perhaps, but I am not so sure - this story certainly gave me lots to think about.
Nonetheless this is a 4 star read because it is interesting and honest.
August 23, 2016
Easily one of the most powerful memoirs about addiction I have ever read. Raw, gripping, and emotional, this memoir is told from two perspectives; from the addict and the concerned girlfriend. Addiction has such a stigma, it's the elephant that's in the room and no one ever wants to talk about but Susan and Graham do a powerful job of bringing their hard journey to life. Trying to help a loved one through addiction takes more willpower and love than most people can handle. Reading this memoir brought so many memories to the surface, it was surreal to read about another woman who understood everything I went through. Her thoughts, conversations, and actions were soo familiar to me because we had lived the same nightmare. Hearing Graham's recounting of his relapses, prison experiences, and descent into darkness also really helps put the story into perspective and allows readers to understand what is actually going through an addict's mind. A profound and touching book that was a little hard for me to read because it hit so close to home, if nothing else, at least it's given me a little more hope for the future.
July 27, 2016
Intriguing memoir between two people who learn the value of the words, "I love you."
SUSAN shares an honest look into the experience of having someone you love addicted to drugs. GRAHAM gives a harsh account of the reality of what drugs can do to one’s life. This is a descriptive account through addictions, experiencing withdrawals, prison, and the system we count on to be just.
It is also a story of the immigration system and its horrible treatment of men and women who might be facing deportation.
From the authors: "All we can hope is that what we've written helps other people talk more openly about their own lives- that it gets easier to tell a friend that they're struggling with a drug problem, or admit that their child is using heroin, or say at a dinner party, "My brother is in prison." And maybe it'll change how some people think about addicts,and people with criminal records and immigrants."
We all have so much to learn.
SUSAN shares an honest look into the experience of having someone you love addicted to drugs. GRAHAM gives a harsh account of the reality of what drugs can do to one’s life. This is a descriptive account through addictions, experiencing withdrawals, prison, and the system we count on to be just.
It is also a story of the immigration system and its horrible treatment of men and women who might be facing deportation.
From the authors: "All we can hope is that what we've written helps other people talk more openly about their own lives- that it gets easier to tell a friend that they're struggling with a drug problem, or admit that their child is using heroin, or say at a dinner party, "My brother is in prison." And maybe it'll change how some people think about addicts,and people with criminal records and immigrants."
We all have so much to learn.
March 14, 2017
While this is a story written by my cousin, I found it captivating because of it's unfamiliarity and canyon-wide disconnect to my own and my family's life. A random story of two people who struggled, failed, lost and loved. Very proud of you Susan and Graham! An inspirational journey! Thank you for sharing this deep part of your life with us.
March 19, 2017
actual rating 2.75
Actually ended quite liking this. Especially the end. The whole premise was interesting and quite educational.
*I received a digital edition of this by Netgalley for an honest review*
read my full review on my blog ------>>> http://pagesoverpages.blogspot.co.at/...
Actually ended quite liking this. Especially the end. The whole premise was interesting and quite educational.
*I received a digital edition of this by Netgalley for an honest review*
read my full review on my blog ------>>> http://pagesoverpages.blogspot.co.at/...
July 15, 2016
I hated this book. 100 pages in all I could think was that she's a weak, whiny enabler and he's an obnoxious prick. I skimmed through the ending and left the book on the beach
June 27, 2016
I requested this book several *cough* months ago... As I may have mentioned at some point, I was really busy for a spell, and even if I got to read, I certainly couldn't find the time to blog and write reviews, much less anything that anyone else would want to read.
I'm still really busy these days, but I'm finding ways to make time for reading and blogging and such. So, when I finally went in and downloaded my Netgalley shelf, I had truthfully forgotten what this book was about and why I requested it. I only remembered that it was a memoir of a couple.
My first impression, 36 pages in: I have been in one of the whirlwind relationships that Susan describes at first, with a person who is so charming and charismatic that it's magnetic, and you can't pull away. At this point, it almost seems like she is trying to make herself seem super sensible and responsible, but I know from first hand experience, no matter how put together you are, a person like that, pursuing you like that, makes you lower tat guard and act reckless when it comes to them.
As if reading my mind, I came upon the next chapter, which is written by Graham. At this point, I remembered reading that this was a couple's memoir, but I didn't realize that the chapter alternate between Susan and Graham's POV. I don't think I would have believed some of Susan's story if it weren't for Graham backing her up. However, I figure that she probably had the last say in how the book turned out, especially from the way her personality is depicted. I ended up liking both of them much more throughout the book than I did when I first started reading.
I've never heard of, or read, a memoir, especially one about addiction, written by a couple. It's "brilliant" (yes, that's quoting the Scot that wrote half the book! By the time I was done with it, I was describing everything as brilliant). The concept is just BRILLIANT!
I really enjoyed this book and getting to hear two sides to this story. I've read lots of memoirs, and after I finished this one, I thought about how the book would have turned out if it only featured one perspective, and I think it would really be lacking. I don't think I would have read it if it was only from Susan's POV.
I probably would have read it if it was only written from Graham's POV, and he might have even revealed more in that case. However, it would have taken away one of the biggest themes of the book: Sometimes you just can't five up on someone you love, and occasionally it takes the person you love hanging on through it all to pull you up when you hit rock bottom.
I received this book from the publishers, via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review.
I'm still really busy these days, but I'm finding ways to make time for reading and blogging and such. So, when I finally went in and downloaded my Netgalley shelf, I had truthfully forgotten what this book was about and why I requested it. I only remembered that it was a memoir of a couple.
My first impression, 36 pages in: I have been in one of the whirlwind relationships that Susan describes at first, with a person who is so charming and charismatic that it's magnetic, and you can't pull away. At this point, it almost seems like she is trying to make herself seem super sensible and responsible, but I know from first hand experience, no matter how put together you are, a person like that, pursuing you like that, makes you lower tat guard and act reckless when it comes to them.
As if reading my mind, I came upon the next chapter, which is written by Graham. At this point, I remembered reading that this was a couple's memoir, but I didn't realize that the chapter alternate between Susan and Graham's POV. I don't think I would have believed some of Susan's story if it weren't for Graham backing her up. However, I figure that she probably had the last say in how the book turned out, especially from the way her personality is depicted. I ended up liking both of them much more throughout the book than I did when I first started reading.
I've never heard of, or read, a memoir, especially one about addiction, written by a couple. It's "brilliant" (yes, that's quoting the Scot that wrote half the book! By the time I was done with it, I was describing everything as brilliant). The concept is just BRILLIANT!
I really enjoyed this book and getting to hear two sides to this story. I've read lots of memoirs, and after I finished this one, I thought about how the book would have turned out if it only featured one perspective, and I think it would really be lacking. I don't think I would have read it if it was only from Susan's POV.
I probably would have read it if it was only written from Graham's POV, and he might have even revealed more in that case. However, it would have taken away one of the biggest themes of the book: Sometimes you just can't five up on someone you love, and occasionally it takes the person you love hanging on through it all to pull you up when you hit rock bottom.
I received this book from the publishers, via NetGalley, in exchange for an honest review.
July 13, 2016
Chancers are people who take the leap, risk the safety of their everyday box, do something new. Sometimes the results are fabulous, sometimes they are not....but you tried. And, then, there are consequences...
"Chancers" is all about one couple's experiences, not just of the items in the title but also of the legal system and Immigration. If this couple weren't a journalist and a photographer, white, with friends and funds, this not only would be a different story but would not get told. Think about who wrote the book, "Orange is the New Black."
My initial interest in "Chancers" was generated by reading some article about new, worthwhile books; I can't remember where the article appeared. I was interested in the "why" of addiction, not being content with the stereotypes, with the mainstream assumptions, or by what I knew of AA. I listen to people and more insight is never a bad thing when so many different people cross your path. I was ready for a serious, challenging book. This is it.
I learned so much from reading this book, hoping that it speaks to at least some level of universal application. Can I just put this out there: narcotics addiction fills a need, and, until that need is dealt with, recovery (release from addiction) is not going to happen. It isn't willpower, moral fortitude or devotion to deity that is going to start lifting you up. Organizations like AA may be a stage in healing but they don't deal with the cause - some other part of the process must deal with that root pain before "sharing time" is helpful. An easy way to deal with pain, loneliness, despair? Addictive substances can be very appealing, especially when you are living in the moment.
Apart from the main topic, however, "Chancers" also highlights dysfunctions in the US prison system, especially the for-profit sector, the US legal system, and the vagaries of the immigration system. If you have money, a support system on the outside, a lot of patience, good lawyers and, yes, some luck, you may have a positive final outcome. But don't put a foot wrong, ever quit trying or miss a date - you can be tripped up by thoughtlessness, total NGAS or random things falling from the sky. There is a long list of "what ifs" towards the end of the book where chance good deeds fell the way of our protagonists. Perhaps some of the "chancer" is also those chances that come your way, not just those you take.
If you have no means or no support there is little chance that you'll make it through the system. Plus, your story will never be told.
"Chancers" is all about one couple's experiences, not just of the items in the title but also of the legal system and Immigration. If this couple weren't a journalist and a photographer, white, with friends and funds, this not only would be a different story but would not get told. Think about who wrote the book, "Orange is the New Black."
My initial interest in "Chancers" was generated by reading some article about new, worthwhile books; I can't remember where the article appeared. I was interested in the "why" of addiction, not being content with the stereotypes, with the mainstream assumptions, or by what I knew of AA. I listen to people and more insight is never a bad thing when so many different people cross your path. I was ready for a serious, challenging book. This is it.
I learned so much from reading this book, hoping that it speaks to at least some level of universal application. Can I just put this out there: narcotics addiction fills a need, and, until that need is dealt with, recovery (release from addiction) is not going to happen. It isn't willpower, moral fortitude or devotion to deity that is going to start lifting you up. Organizations like AA may be a stage in healing but they don't deal with the cause - some other part of the process must deal with that root pain before "sharing time" is helpful. An easy way to deal with pain, loneliness, despair? Addictive substances can be very appealing, especially when you are living in the moment.
Apart from the main topic, however, "Chancers" also highlights dysfunctions in the US prison system, especially the for-profit sector, the US legal system, and the vagaries of the immigration system. If you have money, a support system on the outside, a lot of patience, good lawyers and, yes, some luck, you may have a positive final outcome. But don't put a foot wrong, ever quit trying or miss a date - you can be tripped up by thoughtlessness, total NGAS or random things falling from the sky. There is a long list of "what ifs" towards the end of the book where chance good deeds fell the way of our protagonists. Perhaps some of the "chancer" is also those chances that come your way, not just those you take.
If you have no means or no support there is little chance that you'll make it through the system. Plus, your story will never be told.
January 29, 2017
Amazing book
So open and honest. I love the way the story is told from both the main people's points of view. I believe it is so important for people to be open about things like addiction, prison, and immigration issues. Thank you Susan and Graham for writing this book and opening your lives to us, your readers.
So open and honest. I love the way the story is told from both the main people's points of view. I believe it is so important for people to be open about things like addiction, prison, and immigration issues. Thank you Susan and Graham for writing this book and opening your lives to us, your readers.
March 2, 2019
I was intrigued by this book when I read the summary and decided to check it out from my online local library. I was definitely in favor of Graham's narrative far more than Susan's. Graham led us into the dark, gritty world of drug addiction and ultimately, we followed him into the consequences of his actions leading him to prison, which I thought was fair. You do bad things you suffer the consequences. There is no other way around it. What made me most uncomfortable was the way Susan seemed a bit codependent about the whole Graham situation and even though they were not in an active relationship, she wanted to dictate his life while he was behind bars. I kept thinking to myself, okay I get it, you are his friend and want the best for him, however, an addict has to want to change their behavior. Susan would manage Graham's legal paperwork and there are times in the novel when Graham would state he had no idea why she was doing it for him. Susan denied it was because she was in love with him yet she would say things like, "I am not doing this so you can get back with Tracy" who was his ex girlfriend, a person who Graham was not ready to completely cut ties from. I kept having to ask myself, if Susan was simply doing this as a friend, why set all of these terms and conditions for his life. It just felt like she was wrapping some weird long chain around him to bring him closer to her in the end, in a way that he would be indebted to her forever. Because, really, just coming out of prison with no resources, how can he even begin to?
The story line could have been more effective if it were not so drawn out with Susan's unnecessary ramblings about things that had absolutely nothing to do with Graham's drug addiction. I know she wanted the reader to see that she was getting on with her life, but it just dragged on and on. I was bored whenever the chapter alternated back to her and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Unfortunate because it had a lot of potential to be something outstanding.
The story line could have been more effective if it were not so drawn out with Susan's unnecessary ramblings about things that had absolutely nothing to do with Graham's drug addiction. I know she wanted the reader to see that she was getting on with her life, but it just dragged on and on. I was bored whenever the chapter alternated back to her and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Unfortunate because it had a lot of potential to be something outstanding.
February 13, 2017
I won this book in a giveaway. It is a very interesting read with good flow. The authors tackle an incredibly sensitive subject of addiction, offering the reader 2-person accounts that are refreshingly honest, delving deeply into the complex psyche of the addict and a person that loves them. I recommend this book to any reader ages 18+.
October 12, 2016
This was an interesting book about a couple and the oddyssey of their relationship, complicated by his addiction and eventual immigration problems (he was a green card holder from Scotland). I enjoyed the way the book was written, with alternating chapters by each of the couple written from their perspective. I had a harder time with the man's story, especially since he was almost a stereotype of an addict-- totally in denial, lying and cheating, eventually totally self-absorbed and selfish. Her story becomes more mysterious as her motivation isn't clear, and I had a hard time buying her indignation at the immigration process (especially since she had warned the man of this risk very early on, not that it changed anything that he did). This book is a good read for anyone who has ever dealt with such challenges.
November 10, 2016
This is a touching story. It is also very topical with respect to American presidential politics in 2016. I read most of this book the day after the election and I could not help but wonder how many more people might be faced with both untreated drug addictions and the hell of Immigration and Customs Enforcement if our new president initiates some of his "promises." I would recommend anyone who feels strongly about being tough on drug addicts and misdemeanor legal "aliens" to take the time to peek into a case like the one described here.
For me, this brought home some of my worst fears invoked by recent political rhetoric in the US.
For me, this brought home some of my worst fears invoked by recent political rhetoric in the US.
July 17, 2016
It's tough to rate memoirs. Do you rate the writing or the story? The writing here was splendid. I would have felt better about the story if Graham didn't feel so much like a project to Susan, because that made the addiction part less meaningful. More than once she referred her herself as a guardian angel. As someone who has been there, I'm here to tell you that is bullshit, and not a little condescending.
May 27, 2018
DNF....I could not finish this book. Basically a story of a woman who meets an unemployed guy with knowledge that he has addiction issues and immediately they begin a serious relationship. I just wasn’t sympathetic to the story. I didn’t even get to the part where he goes to jail but after watching their TED talk it seems the rest of the story is more of the same. Bad behavior by him, excuses made by her and no actual responsibility for bad behavior. I just couldn’t finish.
September 5, 2017
I rarely give a book one star, but this was a real stinker. Instead of writing the story, there are huge blocks of transcripts of emails between the couple that will put you to sleep. The story is a whiny explanation of why someone would stay with a drug addict. It is a train wreck and not interesting at all.
April 8, 2019
I was looking for a book that would resonate with me written by someone who has dealt with being in a relationship with an addict and working through it, versus all the other stories you hear about leaving the addict behind. I wanted to know that it was possible.
I enjoyed this book and related to much of what Susan was feeling, and also much of what Graham must have been feeling. Because nobody wants to be an addict, right? It was good to know that other people have been down this path, because when it's you- you feel utterly isolated, embarrassed, and alone.
It saddened me the way people are treated in prison and immigration. We all think that hey, these people are here because of the things they did, and I am guilty of that as well. But the more I read these stories and see documentaries where people are completely dehumanized really makes you rethink your own beliefs. And boxing immigrants and addicts into the same categories as murderers and rapists just adds another level to the whole thing.
Overall, I really enjoyed this memoir and thought it was well-written. There were times when I thought it dragged on, but the authors are sharing their very private struggle with the world, and if these are all the details they needed to get out, then I respect that. This is a must-read for anyone who has an addict as a loved one, a different perspective from the rest of the world judging you and telling you to cut that person out of your life.
I enjoyed this book and related to much of what Susan was feeling, and also much of what Graham must have been feeling. Because nobody wants to be an addict, right? It was good to know that other people have been down this path, because when it's you- you feel utterly isolated, embarrassed, and alone.
It saddened me the way people are treated in prison and immigration. We all think that hey, these people are here because of the things they did, and I am guilty of that as well. But the more I read these stories and see documentaries where people are completely dehumanized really makes you rethink your own beliefs. And boxing immigrants and addicts into the same categories as murderers and rapists just adds another level to the whole thing.
Overall, I really enjoyed this memoir and thought it was well-written. There were times when I thought it dragged on, but the authors are sharing their very private struggle with the world, and if these are all the details they needed to get out, then I respect that. This is a must-read for anyone who has an addict as a loved one, a different perspective from the rest of the world judging you and telling you to cut that person out of your life.
June 6, 2019
I listened to this on Audible--HIGHLY recommend. The author and her partner are the narrators and the effect is just excellent (and not just because Graham has a Scottish accent). In the vast landscape of addiction memoirs, this one is unique. I esp appreciated the inside look at how addicts are processed in the jail/prison/detention center, and Graham's account of his struggle to get on board with the jesus-y rhetoric of traditional recovery programs.
Plus, it's an awesome love story :)
Plus, it's an awesome love story :)
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