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Beneath the Stain #1
Beneath the Stain
A Beneath the Stain Novel
In a town as small as Tyson, CA, everybody knew the four brothers with the four different fathers-- and their penchant for making good music when they weren't getting into trouble. For Mackey Sanders, playing in Outbreak Monkey with his brothers and their friends—especially Grant Adams--made Tyson bearable. But Grant has plans for getting Mackey and the Sanders boys out of Tyson, even if that means staying behind.
Between the heartbreak of leaving Grant and the terrifying, glamorous life of rock stardom, Mackey is adrift and sinking fast. When he's hit rock bottom, Trav Ford shows up, courtesy of their record company and a producer who wants to see what Mackey can do if he doesn't flame out first. But cleaning up his act means coming clean about Grant, and that's not easy to do or say. Mackey might make it with Trav's help--but Trav's not sure he's going to survive falling in love with Mackey.
Mackey James Sanders comes with a whole lot of messy, painful baggage, and law-and-order Trav doesn't do messy or painful. And just when Trav thinks they may have mastered every demon in Mackey's past, the biggest, baddest demon of all comes knocking.
2015 Rainbow Award-winner.
The William Neale Award-winner for Best Gay Contemporary Romance & Best Gay Book.
In a town as small as Tyson, CA, everybody knew the four brothers with the four different fathers-- and their penchant for making good music when they weren't getting into trouble. For Mackey Sanders, playing in Outbreak Monkey with his brothers and their friends—especially Grant Adams--made Tyson bearable. But Grant has plans for getting Mackey and the Sanders boys out of Tyson, even if that means staying behind.
Between the heartbreak of leaving Grant and the terrifying, glamorous life of rock stardom, Mackey is adrift and sinking fast. When he's hit rock bottom, Trav Ford shows up, courtesy of their record company and a producer who wants to see what Mackey can do if he doesn't flame out first. But cleaning up his act means coming clean about Grant, and that's not easy to do or say. Mackey might make it with Trav's help--but Trav's not sure he's going to survive falling in love with Mackey.
Mackey James Sanders comes with a whole lot of messy, painful baggage, and law-and-order Trav doesn't do messy or painful. And just when Trav thinks they may have mastered every demon in Mackey's past, the biggest, baddest demon of all comes knocking.
2015 Rainbow Award-winner.
The William Neale Award-winner for Best Gay Contemporary Romance & Best Gay Book.
660 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 29, 2014
209 people are currently reading
2676 people want to read
About the author
Amy Lane
203 books3,488 followersAmy Lane dodges an EDJ, mothers four children, and writes the occasional book. She, her brood, and her beloved mate, Mack, live in a crumbling mortgage in Citrus Heights, California, which is riddled with spiders, cats, and more than its share of fancy and weirdness. Feel free to visit her at www.greenshill.com orwww.writerslane.blogspot.com, where she will ride the buzz of receiving your e-mail until her head swells and she can no longer leave the house.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 578 reviews
December 26, 2018
Another favorits re-read 12/26/18...Still love the shit out of this one !!
Oh my god...this book. It was amazing. I loved every second !!
It's an MM romance, but for me, it was so much more. It was about family, brothers, trust, love, fame, growing up, not giving up and surviving. It had so much. Some people found it very angsty, but I have to say that I've read way worse. Sure it was very emotional at times...and I definitely had some tears falling, but it was also beautiful and funny and sexy. I don't think angsty would be the right word for it, at least not for me. I just loved the storyline and all the characters !!
I was very nervous going into this one..but I'm so glad I gave it a try. For me, it was one of the best books I've read this year. I do have to say that this book deals with some sensitive subjects, such as drugs and rape...so be aware.
As for the romance.....Travis and Macky were amazing together. Sweet, hot, true love...
I loved Macky from the very beginning and Travis was a once in a lifetime guy !!
5 stars favorite read for me !!!
Oh my god...this book. It was amazing. I loved every second !!
It's an MM romance, but for me, it was so much more. It was about family, brothers, trust, love, fame, growing up, not giving up and surviving. It had so much. Some people found it very angsty, but I have to say that I've read way worse. Sure it was very emotional at times...and I definitely had some tears falling, but it was also beautiful and funny and sexy. I don't think angsty would be the right word for it, at least not for me. I just loved the storyline and all the characters !!
I was very nervous going into this one..but I'm so glad I gave it a try. For me, it was one of the best books I've read this year. I do have to say that this book deals with some sensitive subjects, such as drugs and rape...so be aware.
As for the romance.....Travis and Macky were amazing together. Sweet, hot, true love...
I loved Macky from the very beginning and Travis was a once in a lifetime guy !!
5 stars favorite read for me !!!
May 27, 2019
**** 4.5 Stars ****
JC!
I am hurting and I am drained, but I regret nothing.
This end? What a low blow.
I mean, your heart bleeds from the beginning to the end of this story, but the ending took this to another level of overwhelming angst.
Emotional, heartbreaking, moving, shattering but as I said, I regret nothing!!!!!
✔ Plot,
✔ MCs,
✔ Secondary characters,
✔ Characterization of rock stars live,
✔ Development,
✔ Music,
✔ The lyrics,
✔ Addiction,
✔ The art of creation,
✔ The suffocating air in a little town full of prejudice,
We had all these elements masterfully played by the author.
A must read in my opinion.
This is for Grant:
Amen. 🙏
JC!
I am hurting and I am drained, but I regret nothing.
This end? What a low blow.
I mean, your heart bleeds from the beginning to the end of this story, but the ending took this to another level of overwhelming angst.
Emotional, heartbreaking, moving, shattering but as I said, I regret nothing!!!!!
✔ Plot,
✔ MCs,
✔ Secondary characters,
✔ Characterization of rock stars live,
✔ Development,
✔ Music,
✔ The lyrics,
✔ Addiction,
✔ The art of creation,
✔ The suffocating air in a little town full of prejudice,
We had all these elements masterfully played by the author.
A must read in my opinion.
This is for Grant:
Amen. 🙏
October 27, 2019
Still wrecked me, even knowing what was coming.
------- Orig Review 30 Apr 2015--------
This book thoroughly wrecked me, and I don't regret a moment. I debated on whether or not I wanted to read it, even though I bought the book a month ago, because I knew it would lay waste to my heart. It did that, but more, I found the journey so worth the pain. There aren't many writers that can write light and fluffy and deep and angsty and everything in between and do it all well. Amy Lane is one who can. I've often seen her referred to as The Queen of Angst, and now I know why.
Beneath the Stain follows the life of Mackey Sanders as he finds his way in life through music. He's brilliant and focused. He's a force of nature and everything he feels, he feels big. Just being around Mackey is to know greatness. But Mackey is also gay and closeted and in his small, backwater hometown, he has to stay closeted. So he hides an essential part of himself because, above all, he's a survivor, until he becomes his own worst enemy. When his band, Outbreak Monkey, gets signed by a major record label, he discovers that suddenly finding fame isn't easy, especially when dealing with a heartbreak he can't even share. So, for Mackey Sanders, his dream also fed his nightmare and it nearly killed him.
Fourteen months after getting signed, Outbreak Monkey finds themselves with a new manager, Trav Ford, who insists that Mackey clean himself up before his drug use kills him. Mackey has spent the past year drowning himself in alcohol, Xanax and cocaine. Anything to dull the pain of losing Grant and to help him deal with the stress of fame that he was wholly unprepared for. Watching him self-destruct was heart breaking. And watching him struggle with being clean wasn't easy, either. He's a determined young man, though, and with Trav, he finds someone who really sees him and gets him and Mackey finally is able to see a way out of his darkness.
Trav Ford is former military. He's ordered and highly organized and has excellent cat herding skills. There are some aspects of Trav that I really resonated with. He's not a creative person and he finds himself drawn to creative people and he is able to really see and experience the beauty of the world through them. I'm very much like that, myself. Mackey is different, though. Through his attraction, and more, to Mackey, Trav finds himself out of his depth. Never has there been anyone that brought out emotion in him like Mackey has. He fights it, because Mackey is so much younger than him and because Mackey isn't in a healthy mental state. But when Mackey decides he wants something - or someone - there's no living in denial.
But before they can really be strong and whole, Mackey has to face his demons. Bringing out in the open why he wanted to lose himself in drugs and alcohol and finally allow himself to live in the open is a start. But he has to face it all head on before he can really move on. So, even after he completes rehab and learns to live his life clean, don’t expect things to go smoothly. Tyson, CA doesn't go quietly into the night and Mackey eventually has to face the town and the people he left behind. And when that happens, make sure you have a full box of tissues and something comforting around.
I loved many of the supporting characters, too. Kell took me longer to warm to, because he was such an asshole for quite a while. But he does find his way out of that attitude, eventually, and he's very protective of Mackey.
Jefferson and Stevie are inseparable and often seem to share a brain. They share everything, including Sheila, whom I loved. She knows how to handle people and she is a fine addition to the band's small circle of friends. I would love to know more about Jefferson and Stevie, though. They're quite mysterious.
And, of course, Grant, whom I really wanted to hate for deserting Mackey like he did, but I just couldn't. He was a young man under a lot of pressure to be a certain thing, and he wasn't strong enough to break away. That really is a shame and heart breaking at the same time. Life is too short, people, to live someone else's version of it.
I highly recommend Beneath the Stain, but be ready for a deeply painful journey on the road to the HEA. It's worth it.
------- Orig Review 30 Apr 2015--------
This book thoroughly wrecked me, and I don't regret a moment. I debated on whether or not I wanted to read it, even though I bought the book a month ago, because I knew it would lay waste to my heart. It did that, but more, I found the journey so worth the pain. There aren't many writers that can write light and fluffy and deep and angsty and everything in between and do it all well. Amy Lane is one who can. I've often seen her referred to as The Queen of Angst, and now I know why.
Beneath the Stain follows the life of Mackey Sanders as he finds his way in life through music. He's brilliant and focused. He's a force of nature and everything he feels, he feels big. Just being around Mackey is to know greatness. But Mackey is also gay and closeted and in his small, backwater hometown, he has to stay closeted. So he hides an essential part of himself because, above all, he's a survivor, until he becomes his own worst enemy. When his band, Outbreak Monkey, gets signed by a major record label, he discovers that suddenly finding fame isn't easy, especially when dealing with a heartbreak he can't even share. So, for Mackey Sanders, his dream also fed his nightmare and it nearly killed him.
Fourteen months after getting signed, Outbreak Monkey finds themselves with a new manager, Trav Ford, who insists that Mackey clean himself up before his drug use kills him. Mackey has spent the past year drowning himself in alcohol, Xanax and cocaine. Anything to dull the pain of losing Grant and to help him deal with the stress of fame that he was wholly unprepared for. Watching him self-destruct was heart breaking. And watching him struggle with being clean wasn't easy, either. He's a determined young man, though, and with Trav, he finds someone who really sees him and gets him and Mackey finally is able to see a way out of his darkness.
Trav Ford is former military. He's ordered and highly organized and has excellent cat herding skills. There are some aspects of Trav that I really resonated with. He's not a creative person and he finds himself drawn to creative people and he is able to really see and experience the beauty of the world through them. I'm very much like that, myself. Mackey is different, though. Through his attraction, and more, to Mackey, Trav finds himself out of his depth. Never has there been anyone that brought out emotion in him like Mackey has. He fights it, because Mackey is so much younger than him and because Mackey isn't in a healthy mental state. But when Mackey decides he wants something - or someone - there's no living in denial.
But before they can really be strong and whole, Mackey has to face his demons. Bringing out in the open why he wanted to lose himself in drugs and alcohol and finally allow himself to live in the open is a start. But he has to face it all head on before he can really move on. So, even after he completes rehab and learns to live his life clean, don’t expect things to go smoothly. Tyson, CA doesn't go quietly into the night and Mackey eventually has to face the town and the people he left behind. And when that happens, make sure you have a full box of tissues and something comforting around.
I loved many of the supporting characters, too. Kell took me longer to warm to, because he was such an asshole for quite a while. But he does find his way out of that attitude, eventually, and he's very protective of Mackey.
Jefferson and Stevie are inseparable and often seem to share a brain. They share everything, including Sheila, whom I loved. She knows how to handle people and she is a fine addition to the band's small circle of friends. I would love to know more about Jefferson and Stevie, though. They're quite mysterious.
And, of course, Grant, whom I really wanted to hate for deserting Mackey like he did, but I just couldn't. He was a young man under a lot of pressure to be a certain thing, and he wasn't strong enough to break away. That really is a shame and heart breaking at the same time. Life is too short, people, to live someone else's version of it.
I highly recommend Beneath the Stain, but be ready for a deeply painful journey on the road to the HEA. It's worth it.
October 28, 2014
This is a book about imperfect people, and about finding redemption wherever it lives for you.
For Mackey Sanders, it lives in his music.
Mackey is a force of nature: music-spewing dynamite in a small, unstable, and gay package. He and his brothers grew up hardscrabble poor, with clothes from Goodwill, a mother who was away working far too much, and a baby brother they've pitched in to raise when they're just kids themselves. Mackey is a scrapper, who will take on anyone for a good cause or a small one. He also has music in his soul, and he can make magic with a cheap instrument and his voice. And the magic is even better when others join in.
We meet Mackey at 14, when he discovers several things. First, that the band he put together with his brothers and a couple of friends, Outbreak Monkey, is not just going to be his personal salvation, but might possibly be good enough to be a real way out of his tiny, claustrophobic hometown. Second, that the guy he's been secretly crushing on, Grant, his brother's 17-year-old best friend and their lead guitar, is equally interested in him. Third, that gay sex is awesome (and yes, a little is on page between them then, at 14 and 17.) And fourth, that having to hide who he and Grant are together from everyone, including his beloved and homophobic older brother Kell, is beyond painful.
Life kicks Mackey in the gut and in the balls, more than once in this book. He's a fighter, but the struggles are hard and he tries to lean on unstable support, from Grant, who can't be what he needs, to his middle-aged and drug-using manager, to his own drugs, to the fame and success of his band. But eventually it all starts to come apart in a near-fatal way. His manager dies, and the new manager, Travis Ford, arrives just in time to step in, before Mackey flames out to ashes like so many rockers have. But even Trav can't live Mackey's life for him, or smooth out all the mountains he'll have to climb.
Travis takes on the job of managing Outbreak Monkey, thinking he knows how this will go. He's dealt with rock stars before. But these guys are different, younger, hurting, a tight band of brothers that none the less have fracture lines between them. And Mackey is everything Trav shouldn't want and desperately does. Taking care of the band means taking care of the guys, and that's not going to be like any job Trav has had before. He should walk away, but keeping his distance from the incandescent mess of brilliance that is Mackey Sanders is more than he can do. So when things get tough, he's going to be there, mixed up in it all.
One of the things I really liked here is that there are no perfect guys. Mackey picks fights, and neglects things for his music. Trav isn't sure of himself or his strength, and backs off in self preservation when he's needed, Kell is big-brother protective but blind to others and prejudiced, Grant was strong in the wrong way, turning it to weakness, and the other band members have their flaws too. Their little brother is a jerk, growing up now with more money but less support than they gave each other, but he's not an unredeemable jerk. I love complex characters. (One minor downcheck was that Grant's family were all pretty uniformly awful - I wished for a tiny bit of redemption there. People can do awful things with good intentions too, but I didn't see those.) I loved the mix of the band guys, and the women who become part of their lives as well.
As great as the supporting characters and even Trav are though, this is Mackey's book. It takes him from a confused, hurting, meteoric teen trying to catch a ride up to a great life, through the crashes and burns, the losses and disappointments, the betrayals and pain, to a slow, stuttering, gorgeous rise from the ashes to discover the man he's meant to become. And that man is spectacular.
This is Amy Lane in code red angst, where the world tries to rip the limbs off her MCs. If you like that (and I really do,) then grab this and read it. And reread it, if your heart can take it. I'm about to find out.
For Mackey Sanders, it lives in his music.
Mackey is a force of nature: music-spewing dynamite in a small, unstable, and gay package. He and his brothers grew up hardscrabble poor, with clothes from Goodwill, a mother who was away working far too much, and a baby brother they've pitched in to raise when they're just kids themselves. Mackey is a scrapper, who will take on anyone for a good cause or a small one. He also has music in his soul, and he can make magic with a cheap instrument and his voice. And the magic is even better when others join in.
We meet Mackey at 14, when he discovers several things. First, that the band he put together with his brothers and a couple of friends, Outbreak Monkey, is not just going to be his personal salvation, but might possibly be good enough to be a real way out of his tiny, claustrophobic hometown. Second, that the guy he's been secretly crushing on, Grant, his brother's 17-year-old best friend and their lead guitar, is equally interested in him. Third, that gay sex is awesome (and yes, a little is on page between them then, at 14 and 17.) And fourth, that having to hide who he and Grant are together from everyone, including his beloved and homophobic older brother Kell, is beyond painful.
Life kicks Mackey in the gut and in the balls, more than once in this book. He's a fighter, but the struggles are hard and he tries to lean on unstable support, from Grant, who can't be what he needs, to his middle-aged and drug-using manager, to his own drugs, to the fame and success of his band. But eventually it all starts to come apart in a near-fatal way. His manager dies, and the new manager, Travis Ford, arrives just in time to step in, before Mackey flames out to ashes like so many rockers have. But even Trav can't live Mackey's life for him, or smooth out all the mountains he'll have to climb.
Travis takes on the job of managing Outbreak Monkey, thinking he knows how this will go. He's dealt with rock stars before. But these guys are different, younger, hurting, a tight band of brothers that none the less have fracture lines between them. And Mackey is everything Trav shouldn't want and desperately does. Taking care of the band means taking care of the guys, and that's not going to be like any job Trav has had before. He should walk away, but keeping his distance from the incandescent mess of brilliance that is Mackey Sanders is more than he can do. So when things get tough, he's going to be there, mixed up in it all.
One of the things I really liked here is that there are no perfect guys. Mackey picks fights, and neglects things for his music. Trav isn't sure of himself or his strength, and backs off in self preservation when he's needed, Kell is big-brother protective but blind to others and prejudiced, Grant was strong in the wrong way, turning it to weakness, and the other band members have their flaws too. Their little brother is a jerk, growing up now with more money but less support than they gave each other, but he's not an unredeemable jerk. I love complex characters. (One minor downcheck was that Grant's family were all pretty uniformly awful - I wished for a tiny bit of redemption there. People can do awful things with good intentions too, but I didn't see those.) I loved the mix of the band guys, and the women who become part of their lives as well.
As great as the supporting characters and even Trav are though, this is Mackey's book. It takes him from a confused, hurting, meteoric teen trying to catch a ride up to a great life, through the crashes and burns, the losses and disappointments, the betrayals and pain, to a slow, stuttering, gorgeous rise from the ashes to discover the man he's meant to become. And that man is spectacular.
This is Amy Lane in code red angst, where the world tries to rip the limbs off her MCs. If you like that (and I really do,) then grab this and read it. And reread it, if your heart can take it. I'm about to find out.
November 5, 2014
Huge " love you forever" endless stars
Mackey's story
Music
Heartbreak
High
Angst
Flammable
Beneath the Stain is Amy Lane at her best and finest. She has taken a story of four brothers living in a small and narrow minded town and with the angst and desperation of just surviving in the environment they have to grow up in, she gives us Mackey Sanders. Mackey is the force that takes him and his brothers out of Tyson California and gives them a life they never dreamed of.
I loved the way the story takes us from their very roots as just a group of teens hanging out getting high, to finding their way through music, into what happens when they are thrust into being full fledged rock stars and the backlash of dealing with that fame as well as their own personal demons.
And love... no LOVE... just so so amazing.
I put the last instalment of this book down with wet eyes, a tired sigh and happy smile. Travis and Mackey may have stolen my heart forever. So well written, so beautifully spun, this was a truly stunning read. For me this is one of the best if not THE best written by Amy Lane and best for 2014 so far.
"Beneath the satin" with all its pain and angst will tear you apart, but it's love and beauty will glue you back together again.
Cant recommended enough
Stunning
Read it now
One story
Seven parts
Part 1: Friday, August 29th - read here
Part 2: Friday, September 5th - read here
Part 3: Friday, September 12th - read here
Part 4: Friday, September 19th - read here
Part 5: Friday, September 26th - read here
Part 6: Friday, October 3rd - read here
Part 7: Friday, October 10th - read here
BR with Isabel and Barbara here
Mackey's story
Music
Heartbreak
High
Angst
Flammable
Beneath the Stain is Amy Lane at her best and finest. She has taken a story of four brothers living in a small and narrow minded town and with the angst and desperation of just surviving in the environment they have to grow up in, she gives us Mackey Sanders. Mackey is the force that takes him and his brothers out of Tyson California and gives them a life they never dreamed of.
I loved the way the story takes us from their very roots as just a group of teens hanging out getting high, to finding their way through music, into what happens when they are thrust into being full fledged rock stars and the backlash of dealing with that fame as well as their own personal demons.
And love... no LOVE... just so so amazing.
"Can you even breathe?” Trav asked over his head. “It’s not air if it doesn’t smell like you."
I put the last instalment of this book down with wet eyes, a tired sigh and happy smile. Travis and Mackey may have stolen my heart forever. So well written, so beautifully spun, this was a truly stunning read. For me this is one of the best if not THE best written by Amy Lane and best for 2014 so far.
"Beneath the satin" with all its pain and angst will tear you apart, but it's love and beauty will glue you back together again.
Cant recommended enough
Stunning
Read it now
One story
Seven parts
Part 1: Friday, August 29th - read here
Part 2: Friday, September 5th - read here
Part 3: Friday, September 12th - read here
Part 4: Friday, September 19th - read here
Part 5: Friday, September 26th - read here
Part 6: Friday, October 3rd - read here
Part 7: Friday, October 10th - read here
BR with Isabel and Barbara here
June 18, 2018
***4.5 Stars***
Wish You Were Here
... is yet another song now that will always remind me of a great book. Forever.
To be honest, it took me some time to get into this story. The beginning dragged a bit - well, overall I found this book a tad too long - and although Mackey's struggle to get and stay away from drugs was heartbreaking and the slow burn romance between him and Trav very well done, I still felt a bit detached sometimes. I enjoyed it, but it didn't grab me as much as I thought it would.
But then... Yeah, then... Then Grant happened and I was totally and utterly wrecked. The last fourth, especially the last hour of the audiobook turned me into a sobbing mess and I was glad I decided to rather listen to the rest at home than while driving to work. I have to admit that I came to a point where I thought I couldn't bear it anymore, but then I put my big girl panties on and thought when the boys can take it, who am I to chicken out of it?
This was my second audiobook narrated by Nick J. Russo and while he didn't belong to my favorite narrators before, he definitely grew on me with this one. He did an outstanding job with all the different voices - his stoned out of his mind Mackey was awesome! - and gave me goosebumps when he began to sing. It's just that for me he sometimes talks a bit too fast and mumbles into his beard (code for: I have no friggin' clue what you just said to me!), so I had to press rewind quite often.
The last part of the book left such a deep impression that this part alone would get 5+++ stars from me and with the first part getting 3.5 stars, I'll go with 4.5 stars overall.
Wish You Were Here
... is yet another song now that will always remind me of a great book. Forever.
To be honest, it took me some time to get into this story. The beginning dragged a bit - well, overall I found this book a tad too long - and although Mackey's struggle to get and stay away from drugs was heartbreaking and the slow burn romance between him and Trav very well done, I still felt a bit detached sometimes. I enjoyed it, but it didn't grab me as much as I thought it would.
But then... Yeah, then... Then Grant happened and I was totally and utterly wrecked. The last fourth, especially the last hour of the audiobook turned me into a sobbing mess and I was glad I decided to rather listen to the rest at home than while driving to work. I have to admit that I came to a point where I thought I couldn't bear it anymore, but then I put my big girl panties on and thought when the boys can take it, who am I to chicken out of it?
This was my second audiobook narrated by Nick J. Russo and while he didn't belong to my favorite narrators before, he definitely grew on me with this one. He did an outstanding job with all the different voices - his stoned out of his mind Mackey was awesome! - and gave me goosebumps when he began to sing. It's just that for me he sometimes talks a bit too fast and mumbles into his beard (code for: I have no friggin' clue what you just said to me!), so I had to press rewind quite often.
The last part of the book left such a deep impression that this part alone would get 5+++ stars from me and with the first part getting 3.5 stars, I'll go with 4.5 stars overall.
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October 14, 2022
"No," she agreed. "No. You've got good advice for a guy who claims he can't function without someone else."
Mackey grunted. "I can function—I always could. I'm just not happy without him. And you know what?"
"You deserve to be happy," his mom said, and a sort of warm, sunshiny caramel feeling filled his stomach then.
god this was so fucking painful and brutal. here i go looking for, living for, angst yet when it hits me in the face like this, my heart hurts and i literally couldn't breathe. this was so beautifully written bc of how real and gritty it felt. i loved the mcs. i loved the side characters. the way they were so complex, i just wanna give them all a hug. the found family feels. there were certain moments i wanted to put this book down bc it got a bit much for me yet i couldn't help but feel invested with every word, and everything that was happening within the story. despite the pain, the heartbreak, there was also hope and i just loved everything about this story. 😭
relatable af 👇🏼
no seriously, i'd advice to have tissues by your side while reading this book. 🤧
Mackey grunted. "I can function—I always could. I'm just not happy without him. And you know what?"
"You deserve to be happy," his mom said, and a sort of warm, sunshiny caramel feeling filled his stomach then.
god this was so fucking painful and brutal. here i go looking for, living for, angst yet when it hits me in the face like this, my heart hurts and i literally couldn't breathe. this was so beautifully written bc of how real and gritty it felt. i loved the mcs. i loved the side characters. the way they were so complex, i just wanna give them all a hug. the found family feels. there were certain moments i wanted to put this book down bc it got a bit much for me yet i couldn't help but feel invested with every word, and everything that was happening within the story. despite the pain, the heartbreak, there was also hope and i just loved everything about this story. 😭
relatable af 👇🏼
no seriously, i'd advice to have tissues by your side while reading this book. 🤧
August 4, 2023
You can always trust in Amy Lane to destroy your heart.
I read this back in April and never wrote the review this deserves, so here’s a summary of what I remember:
💫 it’s the story of Makey Sanders, not a romance, so I advise you to treat it like that. While there is a lot of romance involved, the focus is always Makey’s struggles and experiences
💫 in contrast to most romances focused on only one character, the love interest was also full of layers. It makes you feel like the author could have been decided to tell his story instead and still make a great book
💫 it’s extremely long and there was a part towards the end where I would have made it a bit shorter
💫 I’m very pissed the author decided to write the second book about the most annoying secondary character on earth
💫 would highly recommend this if you are looking for an emotional reading, Amy Lane is a genius writing characters I need to hug
I read this back in April and never wrote the review this deserves, so here’s a summary of what I remember:
💫 it’s the story of Makey Sanders, not a romance, so I advise you to treat it like that. While there is a lot of romance involved, the focus is always Makey’s struggles and experiences
💫 in contrast to most romances focused on only one character, the love interest was also full of layers. It makes you feel like the author could have been decided to tell his story instead and still make a great book
💫 it’s extremely long and there was a part towards the end where I would have made it a bit shorter
💫 I’m very pissed the author decided to write the second book about the most annoying secondary character on earth
💫 would highly recommend this if you are looking for an emotional reading, Amy Lane is a genius writing characters I need to hug
October 14, 2014
BR with Isabel and Eva from Monday 8 September
Another wonderful job from Amy Lane, one of the best books I ever read from her!
This story ripped my heart out, Mackey, I love him to pieces.
[image error]
He was extraordinarily beautiful, so broken
and yet extremely kind and unique!
I knew that reading Amy Lane's books I was getting my heart broken again and again, and that she did it in a masterpiece fully way, but was so worth it, because this story deserves that we ripped our emotions…what a gripping writer she is!!I loved everything! A book of caring, family, friends, music and soul mates LOVE!!!
I can't recommend this book enough. Honestly you should go through all the emotions that this beautiful story causes! That's been“grounded” into my soul!
Thanks to my Girls for holding my hand through this journey!
Another wonderful job from Amy Lane, one of the best books I ever read from her!
This story ripped my heart out, Mackey, I love him to pieces.
[image error]
He was extraordinarily beautiful, so broken
and yet extremely kind and unique!
I knew that reading Amy Lane's books I was getting my heart broken again and again, and that she did it in a masterpiece fully way, but was so worth it, because this story deserves that we ripped our emotions…what a gripping writer she is!!I loved everything! A book of caring, family, friends, music and soul mates LOVE!!!
I can't recommend this book enough. Honestly you should go through all the emotions that this beautiful story causes! That's been“grounded” into my soul!
Thanks to my Girls for holding my hand through this journey!
November 9, 2015
I don't know if this is a review. I think it's just me talking. So bear with me.
This book and I...we had unfinished business. I bought the serials one by one when they were coming out and I waited untill the last one was out to start reading (which was stupid but I hear now that the consolidated version doesn't include the bonus chapters. That's a shame because they really add to the story, so I guess it was worth it).
So, I read book one and fell in love with the boys. While I was in the middle of book two, I stupidly read a spoiler in a frend's review and saw that Grant dies in the end. And that was it. I couldn't keep reading, I gave up on it for good (I thought at the time). To this moment I don't know why this was so hard on me. I like angsty books, I can handle the Amy Lane angst but I 've never had this kind of reaction to a book before. But then Jewel wrote a review and then Renee said it was going to be ok (you lied!!) and Nikki said I should go for it so...I said what the hell, I survived Keeping Promise Rock, I'm picking it back up.
Yeah, this was me for the next two days
I don't have much to say about Mackey, I loved this boy. He 's been through hell and back. Every time he walked out of rehab I wanted to beat the shit out of him. But he deserved every hug,every kiss and all the happiness in the world.
Trav. Since I had stopped in the middle of the second book, I never gave Trav a real chance. I didn't get to see this cool and collected ex military man, unravelling, coming undone and falling on his knees for Mackey. One by one, all his defences were stripped away from him and man...this was a beautiful thing to see. Trav, literally, saves Mackey and the band. I firmly believe that they wouldn't have survived without him.
I loved the boys. Secondary characters that have a real place in the story, they serve a purpose and I really cared for them and their future.
What I'm about to say, I know most readers wouldn't agree with, but it's me being honest:
I'm torn, split in two. Part of me is so happy for Trav and Mackey. They are the real thing, brave and honest. They are amazing together and EXACTLY what each other needs. The other part of me, the one that believes in second chances? It screams : Nooooo! This was Grant's place, they should have stayed together. Why did he have to be so weak?Why did he have to stay behind? Well, yes he would have died eventually, but he would have trully LIVED before that! It was a real love, not just a teenage crash
“I loved you like my life was your next breath,” Mackey said boldly.
Grant opened his eyes and swallowed. “I still love you that way,”
Like I said, I don't know why I got so attached to Grant, but while to other readers this was a HEA, to me it is still a bittersweet ending that left a part of me unsatisfied. But I can't rate a masterpiece with less than 5 stars just because it didn't end like I wanted it to. The story needs to go where it needs to go, and in my heart I know this was the right way. I just had to be honest.
And really at this point I'm at a loss of words about the kind of author Amy Lane is and the quality of her writing. I bow down for her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I promised not to do this to myself. I said I wouldn't go back there. And then Jewel wrote a review. Blame it on her.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 26, 2019
5 'there aren't really enough stars for this book!
‘Trav thought of the song – his song – and the cry from the invisible boy who slept in forgotten corners and lived to make people love him or hate him or anything so long as they didn’t forget his name.’
BEST READ OF THE YEAR!! HOW? HOW CAN OUR WORDS DO JUSTICE TO THIS BOOK? There are stories we read that burrow their way into a little piece of our hearts, the ones we think about every now and again, and then there are stories like Beneath the Stain, a priceless piece of exceptional and heartfelt storytelling that stands out from the very first to the very last page, is detailed with such aching that it has such a staggering emotional effect on you, and you know it will stay with you always and is something you’ll NEVER forget! This…. THIS book personified everything we love about reading.
“I’m trying to follow all the steps and check all the boxes. But my heart hurts and my skin aches, and God, I just want to be touched…….Can you touch me and then look at me tomorrow, and it will be okay?”
Beneath the Stain didn’t merely take a piece of our hearts, it obliterated them, made them soar and we may never recover, but then again, we don’t want to. We want to savour and cherish this reading experience forever and we will! There was nothing superfluous about Mackey, Trav, Grant, Kell, Stevie, Blake and Jefferson’s story. Every word…EVERY SINGLE WORD felt like a precious gift to be treasured and guarded with our every fibre of our being.
‘Trav couldn’t explain the surge of protectiveness, of reluctant admiration, that knotted his stomach when he watched Mackey sleep. He was defenseless like this, every bit of sarcasm, sass, and fire shuttered behind closed eyes. Trav had to protect him when he slept – who else would? So far the world had done a stunningly poor job of taking care of Mackey Sanders.’
Amy Lane delivered a story with so much depth, so much emotion, so many layers and she brought it all to life with such incredible striking imagery that we became a part of her world…. active participants in her story. At no time were we mere spectators. We lived and breathed the triumphs, tragedies, pain, and heartbreak with each and every character. We felt their pain so deep in our hearts there were times we sobbed so hard our chests heaved and we couldn’t breathe.
“It’s just that I’ve finally seen you not awful. You’re stunning.”
Yes, this is a love story between Trav and Mackey but it so much more. This is a story of friendships, loyalty, family, love, overcoming prejudice and finding peace within you, and very, very rarely do we get to experience a story that encompasses this dynamic so breathtakingly beautiful and with such real emotion as this one. The dynamics of the relationships singularly were so diverse, yet as a whole so cohesive….so right, so real, so relatable. These guys may have been unconventional but each one had so much heart and was so unique….we loved them all.
‘It was a pure, unfiltered glimpse into Mackey James Sanders heart, and it was battered and bloody and still a little broken. But healing.’
At the centre of it all was the talented, temperamental, sensitive and almost ethereal McKay (Mackey) Sanders and what a fascinatingly flawed and complex character he was. A man plagued by demons, hiding his sexuality and who really just needs to feel loved and be accepted.
“It’s hard loving people that bright, that shiny, that they make everyone else in the world look dim.”
One of the most beautiful characters we’ve ever had the pleasure to meet was Travis (Trav), Ford. This stoic ex-military, man of order and timed precision who is entrusted with the job of looking after this bunch of ragtag rockers, would start out as the manager of Outlaw Monkey, yet soon becomes one of the most important in their lives, not only to Mackey but to all the boys and his relationships with these boys was awe-inspiring and really hits at the heart of the reader.
“You can’t be the whole album, Trav. You just can’t. But you can be the best songs.”
Beneath the Stain is pure emotion. It’s ALL about the story….no page filling nookie in this book. Every word served a purpose, every scene, every detail so vivid and so important, and so meaningful to their journey.
Amy Lane held us captive and transfixed through this entire story. Be it when she was whipping us into a frenzy as an active, entranced audience member being beguiled by the extraordinary Mackey and the guys of Outbreak Monkey as they performed on stage. Or tearing out our hearts with some of the most intense, heartbreaking scenes we’ve read, or knotting our stomachs with her little teases of the angst that was to unfold, even giggling over the banter between the family and let’s not forget the times our hearts swelled with the love conveyed so masterfully through the pages.
‘Trav knew the real boy underneath, and he was three times as beautiful as the image.’
We could go on and on about this story and between us, we WILL for a long time to come because as we relive the tender, beautifully touching moments of this book again and again. Beneath the Stain is one of those diamonds you hope and pray you’ll come across as a reader and we’re so extremely grateful we did.
“My Mom told me the trick to staying in love was falling in love every day. Like you do with music. You listen for good music every day.”
Such an inspiring journey and all we can say is READ THIS BOOK!!!
‘They became one, and Mackey could breathe. Trav was a part of him, and Mackey had strength. Trav moved, and Mackey’s body became light and Trav’s body became sound and together they were the thing Mackey worshipped most.
Music.’
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October 5, 2015
What an amaaaaaazing story!! I absolutely loved it! I castigated myself after reading it for why it had taken me soo long to add it to my shelf! I recommend it to anyone who likes to read in-depth emotions and struggles!
May 9, 2020
So, I have to give this something like 4.7 stars rounded to 5. I'll get to the slight decrease in a sec.
It's a great story with great writing. It's real, it's emotional, it's intensely emotional (the kind I like best). The MCs are great as individuals and together.
I love Mackey. He's so passionate and driven, a true artist. He gives 1000% to everything he loves. Unfortunately that was his downfall with his first love Grant. But then it's his salvation with his true love Trav.
I love Trav. He's my fave type of hero - strong, big, brutal, ex-military, man's man, older, more mature. The way he left Terry was kinda brutal, but I was like - that's how you handle a cheater! Don't give him the time of day!!
But Trav breaks all kinds of rules for Mackey, love can make you go above and beyond, and you see it not just from Trav but from Mackey too. But then we've always known Mackey is kinda extreme. To see a man like Trav move heaven and earth and care sooooo deeply, that's what I love most about my fave type of heroes.
Sex was pretty hot and emotional, my fave kind.
So my only issue is Grant. I get why the back story and end closure are important for the whole storyline. I totally get it. But Grant got way to much time as % of book. It was 18% before I even met Trav!! All the up front incl sex scenes was Grant! I don't need that. I could have totally done with just 8% of Grant. and I don't think it would have changed anything. and then I had to get like another 20% of him at the end, WTF??
I feel sorry of Grant. He got a raw deal. He made his choice. He lived and died with it. BUT. I this isnt a book about HIM, so he needed to get 1/3 of the air time he got.
That's my issue. I pretty much skimmed through 30-40% of the book because of this. Which is NOT something I like to do.
Also, I'm not liking Cheever. And he's in the next book... so I don't know if I want to pay $ to read that one.
It's a great story with great writing. It's real, it's emotional, it's intensely emotional (the kind I like best). The MCs are great as individuals and together.
I love Mackey. He's so passionate and driven, a true artist. He gives 1000% to everything he loves. Unfortunately that was his downfall with his first love Grant. But then it's his salvation with his true love Trav.
I love Trav. He's my fave type of hero - strong, big, brutal, ex-military, man's man, older, more mature. The way he left Terry was kinda brutal, but I was like - that's how you handle a cheater! Don't give him the time of day!!
But Trav breaks all kinds of rules for Mackey, love can make you go above and beyond, and you see it not just from Trav but from Mackey too. But then we've always known Mackey is kinda extreme. To see a man like Trav move heaven and earth and care sooooo deeply, that's what I love most about my fave type of heroes.
Sex was pretty hot and emotional, my fave kind.
So my only issue is Grant. I get why the back story and end closure are important for the whole storyline. I totally get it. But Grant got way to much time as % of book. It was 18% before I even met Trav!! All the up front incl sex scenes was Grant! I don't need that. I could have totally done with just 8% of Grant. and I don't think it would have changed anything. and then I had to get like another 20% of him at the end, WTF??
I feel sorry of Grant. He got a raw deal. He made his choice. He lived and died with it. BUT. I this isnt a book about HIM, so he needed to get 1/3 of the air time he got.
That's my issue. I pretty much skimmed through 30-40% of the book because of this. Which is NOT something I like to do.
Also, I'm not liking Cheever. And he's in the next book... so I don't know if I want to pay $ to read that one.
January 29, 2015
I still feel drained, speechless. OMG… I loved this book, it just blew my mind and had my heart pounding. After finishing I felt kind of lost, only very few authors can do that to me, Amy Lane is definitely one of them.
Beneath the Stain is Mackey’s story… Mackey’s and his brother’s who are ‘white trash’ in the bigoted and ultra conservative little town Tyson they grew up. The story is about the guys escaping their hometown… and leaving Grant, Mackey’s love… behind and go out into the big wide world of Rock’n Roll with all its consequences.
"Years later, when their lives had turned out very differently, Mackey would remember that moment, the freedom at his face and the safety at his back, and it would be the diamond in his mind, the one clear moment that taught him what love was all about. Even if the diamond was flawed, it was the first diamond he’d ever grasped so tight it left edges imprinted on his palm, and he would clutch it to his chest until his heart bled, sure nobody but Grant Adams, his brother’s best friend and the kid he’d grown up with, could give him that feeling."
OMG… Mackey’s drug abuse, detox and rehab isn’t nice to watch. But luckily Trav, his new manager, is there to catch Mackey, to care for him, to love him… and to burn down the walls he built around his own wounded heart.
The development of the characters is brilliantly done. I think I loved them all, the whole bunch of rock stars and their companions. Trav, wonderful Trav, Kell, Stevie, Jefferson, Shelia, Blake, Briony, Heath, Mackey’s mom Heather.
Beneath the Stain is captivating, stunning, and devastatingly beautiful, a gut-wrenching yet heartwarming read that made me cry, along with some big smiles. I really have no words to describe how much I enjoyed this book, I loved everything about it.
I won’t go into more details because I don’t want to spoiler it for anyone. But let me leave you with just this:
Beneath the Stain is one of the most beautiful and moving stories about friendship, young love, family, learning to let go… and healing broken hearts. This story is a journey to hell and back and I loved every single word.
I would love to read another 500 pages… I just don’t want to let them go. *sniffs*
Trav, take good care of Mackey, will you? He deserves it.
This is for Grant, lovely, lonely, sad Grant:
“He told me once that some of his happiest moments had been in San Francisco.”
And this is for Grant as well:
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
(A tribute to Syd Barrett, whose mental breakdown had forced him to leave Pink Floyd a few years before Wish You Were Here was released)
February 28, 2017
Another brilliant narration from Nick J Russo. The story was already on my creme-de-la-creme shelf, and Nick just made all the characters come alive. This story is fairly angsty, so there were quite a few tears but so much love....
5 stars for this which I read over several weeks thanks to a DsP special deal.
February 5, 2018
the most real and raw MM romance i've ever read
wow, this book. it's probably the longest contemporary romance i've ever read but WELL worth it.
this book follows the story of Mackey, but to say it's just about him would be a disservice. it's about family, brotherhood, growing up in a small town, heartbreak, and redemption. it spans about 7 years and the writing reminded me a lot of the classics (think The Outsider's).
i'll never be able to do justice to this story, beyond encouraging everyone i know who enjoys romance to read this. everything about the story is intentional, nothing is gimmicky or played out. yeah there's a rock star, yeah he goes to rehab, but it. makes. sense. the whole story just worked.
genuinely, there wasn't anything i didn't like about this book. the high ratings are because this book deserves high praise. go read it.
wow, this book. it's probably the longest contemporary romance i've ever read but WELL worth it.
this book follows the story of Mackey, but to say it's just about him would be a disservice. it's about family, brotherhood, growing up in a small town, heartbreak, and redemption. it spans about 7 years and the writing reminded me a lot of the classics (think The Outsider's).
i'll never be able to do justice to this story, beyond encouraging everyone i know who enjoys romance to read this. everything about the story is intentional, nothing is gimmicky or played out. yeah there's a rock star, yeah he goes to rehab, but it. makes. sense. the whole story just worked.
genuinely, there wasn't anything i didn't like about this book. the high ratings are because this book deserves high praise. go read it.
September 1, 2014
“…if you want out,
well it's up to you.
Now don't let me down you better start movin' uptown.”
Have you heard the song?
If you have, you know it’s about saving yourself and your future despite the pain of leaving loved ones behind. If you've never heard the wretched country tale, I’ll give you the low down. A child had the unfortunate luck of uncontrollable circumstance. Born poor and raised by the skin of her mamma’s teeth, she is given a chance. A chance out of the future predetermined for her. The only person who truly loved her, her mamma, sets her free and prays she quickly learns to fly.
Mackey is also a victim of circumstance.
His mother had good intentions but bad choices, bad luck, or both left her children struggling on a daily basis. A single mom with four sons, she is forced to make tough choices in regards to their well being. Work a bazillion hours to keep their shoebox apartment and feed them consequently allowing them to raise themselves. Or well, that really was her only choice.
Mackey quickly learned to talk with his hands, and no, I don’t mean sign language. He was scrappy, full of piss and vinegar and didn't take crap from anybody. Soon he understood words carry the same power fist do, and his witty tongue replaced his bloody knuckles.
Before long his words found a tune and his life found its purpose. Everything about Mackey became music. A little garage ‘rock band’ took form and along the way he found a second love. His hearts desire was his older brother’s best friend and to his surprise, it was requited.
Grant was Mackey’s inspiration. Grant was the face hidden in the love songs. Grant was the essence of stolen kisses. Grant opened Mackey’s heart, filled his soul, and loved him deeply. Of course, always in the shadows. Sadly, Grant lived the lie his parents paved for him and paid the piper in full.
I tried to connect with the boys, but never fully grasped them. The brothers were the same. I found Kells as everyone else did, a complete dick.
Yes, there are times when dicks are bad. I am completely perplexed by Jeff and his best friend, Stevie. They definitely have a story of their own, but I’m not so sure I want to know.
Heavy on the phobics, angst, and the writing was slightly choppy (which I believe is the intended tone of the series).
BUT!
The sheer cliff I’m left dangling from has me jonesing for part 2. I NEED it.
A new popular 'serial' theme is taking off...you can subscribe for weekly installments with a bonus (deleted) scene for a higher price tag or wait and buy the book in it's entirety. I don't know what your thoughts are, but I like it. Who doesn't like getting packages?
Yes, all packages are good. ;)
I think the intense-o-meter is about to shoot to the sky. Mackey’s jumps on a leap of desperate faith hoping the strong hands of his fans will keep him in the air.... and I’m lingering in the crowd with my arms up high.
*3.5 secrets-suck stars*
well it's up to you.
Now don't let me down you better start movin' uptown.”
Have you heard the song?
If you have, you know it’s about saving yourself and your future despite the pain of leaving loved ones behind. If you've never heard the wretched country tale, I’ll give you the low down. A child had the unfortunate luck of uncontrollable circumstance. Born poor and raised by the skin of her mamma’s teeth, she is given a chance. A chance out of the future predetermined for her. The only person who truly loved her, her mamma, sets her free and prays she quickly learns to fly.
Mackey is also a victim of circumstance.
His mother had good intentions but bad choices, bad luck, or both left her children struggling on a daily basis. A single mom with four sons, she is forced to make tough choices in regards to their well being. Work a bazillion hours to keep their shoebox apartment and feed them consequently allowing them to raise themselves. Or well, that really was her only choice.
Mackey quickly learned to talk with his hands, and no, I don’t mean sign language. He was scrappy, full of piss and vinegar and didn't take crap from anybody. Soon he understood words carry the same power fist do, and his witty tongue replaced his bloody knuckles.
Before long his words found a tune and his life found its purpose. Everything about Mackey became music. A little garage ‘rock band’ took form and along the way he found a second love. His hearts desire was his older brother’s best friend and to his surprise, it was requited.
Grant was Mackey’s inspiration. Grant was the face hidden in the love songs. Grant was the essence of stolen kisses. Grant opened Mackey’s heart, filled his soul, and loved him deeply. Of course, always in the shadows. Sadly, Grant lived the lie his parents paved for him and paid the piper in full.
I tried to connect with the boys, but never fully grasped them. The brothers were the same. I found Kells as everyone else did, a complete dick.
Yes, there are times when dicks are bad. I am completely perplexed by Jeff and his best friend, Stevie. They definitely have a story of their own, but I’m not so sure I want to know.
Heavy on the phobics, angst, and the writing was slightly choppy (which I believe is the intended tone of the series).
BUT!
The sheer cliff I’m left dangling from has me jonesing for part 2. I NEED it.
A new popular 'serial' theme is taking off...you can subscribe for weekly installments with a bonus (deleted) scene for a higher price tag or wait and buy the book in it's entirety. I don't know what your thoughts are, but I like it. Who doesn't like getting packages?
Yes, all packages are good. ;)
I think the intense-o-meter is about to shoot to the sky. Mackey’s jumps on a leap of desperate faith hoping the strong hands of his fans will keep him in the air.... and I’m lingering in the crowd with my arms up high.
*3.5 secrets-suck stars*
September 10, 2019
4.5 stars
So worth reading this book for Mackey's journey alone. The romance was just an added bonus for me. If you liked Hiroku by Laura Lascarso, you'll like this one too. Not really similar, but I got the same vibe.
Mackey is such a wonderful person. Imagine an angry energizer bunny, who's only solace in life is music and his brothers (by blood and by trust). And he's only 14.While this book is really emotional, Mackey's personality makes it funny, in a way.
I don't want to get into the plot too deeply because there's so much going on. There's a small town with homophobic people, closet time, high school sweethearts, separation, heartbreak, addiction, age-gap and rock and roll. :)
At first I didn't feel the connection between Mackey and Trav. I didn't get how they fall in love, at least Mackey. I understood Trav's feelings, coz how can you not love Mackey, right?! But I didn't know what Mackey saw in Trav at first. Compared to his love for Grant, I didn't feel their connection, they didn't have that chemistry.....
And then it clicked. His relationship with Grant was overwhelming, all-consuming and frantic. And destructive. Not while they were together, but the aftermath. And what Mackey needed after Grant was stability, trust, and dependency. And he found all that in Trav. And maybe when they met, there wasn't a deep connection. At least I missed it, but as I was reading I started to like Trav more and more. I gotta hand it to him, he's a real stand-up guy. Though I don't really know what an ex-military man is doing managing a rock band. That's a helluva career change.
The last few chapters..... ineffable.
So worth reading this book for Mackey's journey alone. The romance was just an added bonus for me. If you liked Hiroku by Laura Lascarso, you'll like this one too. Not really similar, but I got the same vibe.
Mackey is such a wonderful person. Imagine an angry energizer bunny, who's only solace in life is music and his brothers (by blood and by trust). And he's only 14.While this book is really emotional, Mackey's personality makes it funny, in a way.
I don't want to get into the plot too deeply because there's so much going on. There's a small town with homophobic people, closet time, high school sweethearts, separation, heartbreak, addiction, age-gap and rock and roll. :)
At first I didn't feel the connection between Mackey and Trav. I didn't get how they fall in love, at least Mackey. I understood Trav's feelings, coz how can you not love Mackey, right?! But I didn't know what Mackey saw in Trav at first. Compared to his love for Grant, I didn't feel their connection, they didn't have that chemistry.....
And then it clicked. His relationship with Grant was overwhelming, all-consuming and frantic. And destructive. Not while they were together, but the aftermath. And what Mackey needed after Grant was stability, trust, and dependency. And he found all that in Trav. And maybe when they met, there wasn't a deep connection. At least I missed it, but as I was reading I started to like Trav more and more. I gotta hand it to him, he's a real stand-up guy. Though I don't really know what an ex-military man is doing managing a rock band. That's a helluva career change.
The last few chapters..... ineffable.
February 24, 2024
it’s official. i’m afflicted with a curse that detaches my heart and tear ducts from the widely-acclaimed, emotionally-charged, angsty classics (my current track record of busts is upsetting). just let me bathe in the glow of five star reviews, please 😭
perhaps it's time for me to cut ties with the high life of rock n' roll stardom. the drugs, the sex, the fame, it's the perfect breeding ground for evil and depravity, but too often are the consequences handled with a glib hand and perfunctory developments that offer little sense of resolution or healing.
don't get me wrong, i love a heavy dose of angst, but i need nuance and sensitivity to ride along in tandem. otherwise, serious topics come off chintzy. with a story as overwrought with as this one, the author kept raising the hurdle for herself until it was impossible to vault when it mattered.
the story not only suffers from its slogging length, but falters in its clumsily forged melodramatics. relying on the shock factor as a driving force is a tactic that'll only work for so long before plot peaks are reduced to anticlimactic troughs. it disrupts the tempo, glosses over a character's mental state after major traumatic events, and bogs down an already jam-packed enterprise. i'm sorry, but nothing is worth sacrificing a coherent character arc for.
that said, i'm clearly an outlier, glaringly so, and as such, if you could ignore this review, i'd appreciate it 😂 have a good one, my friends!
perhaps it's time for me to cut ties with the high life of rock n' roll stardom. the drugs, the sex, the fame, it's the perfect breeding ground for evil and depravity, but too often are the consequences handled with a glib hand and perfunctory developments that offer little sense of resolution or healing.
don't get me wrong, i love a heavy dose of angst, but i need nuance and sensitivity to ride along in tandem. otherwise, serious topics come off chintzy. with a story as overwrought with as this one, the author kept raising the hurdle for herself until it was impossible to vault when it mattered.
the story not only suffers from its slogging length, but falters in its clumsily forged melodramatics. relying on the shock factor as a driving force is a tactic that'll only work for so long before plot peaks are reduced to anticlimactic troughs. it disrupts the tempo, glosses over a character's mental state after major traumatic events, and bogs down an already jam-packed enterprise. i'm sorry, but nothing is worth sacrificing a coherent character arc for.
that said, i'm clearly an outlier, glaringly so, and as such, if you could ignore this review, i'd appreciate it 😂 have a good one, my friends!
December 11, 2015
"Music. It's what drives the fuckin' world."
I loved this story. Mackey's journey was incredible. Drugs, sex and rock & roll. Everything I love in my rocker books was here. There was also heartache and love and so much beauty. I loved how the music was such a huge part of this story. Every song mentioned fit the story perfectly.
What he'd really craved was this. Being possessed, being thoroughly taken over, being owned, body and soul, by someone you owned back.
I was little conflicted about this whole serial thing. I wasn't sure about shelling out almost twice as much $ for the series instead of just waiting for the finished book. The promise of bonus scenes is what convinced me to try it. Although not all the bonus scenes added much to the story, I liked seeing more of the secondary characters and there were some bonus scenes that really did add another layer and so I appreciate having them. I also think the anticipation of waiting for each part added to my enjoyment. In the end I'm happy I went with the serial. I guess that with certain authors I'm willing to spend more when I know they can deliver a great reading experience.
"It's different than I planned, but...God, Mackey, I think you're worth it. Don't you think you're worth it?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6WM...
Review of Part 1
Review of Part 2
Review of Part 3
Review of Part 4
Review of Part 5
Review of Part 6
Review of Part 7
August 23, 2016
Damn you Amy Lane. Damn youuuuu!
This was me for the majority of this novel....
This woman can write. Beautifully. When it first started...honestly, I thought it was going to be a DNF because I couldn't relate to the MC at the time in the story. But the more I read and the more embroiled in their lives I became, the more entrenched I was in this story and I couldn't stop. I NEEDED to see how it would I play out because I was invested. Mackey is a exquisitely written character and I could really see and understand how and why Trav fell in love with him from the start. There's something magnetic and electric about so much genius wrapped up in one body with a kind soul and a giving heart. The side characters were all amazing and each brought something wonderful to the story as well. By 80% this book had completely savaged me and God, I hurt. I got Trav so completely here. How can you hate someone who's leaving?
This book is about love, family, acceptance, pride, tolerance, strength, heartbreak, healing, comfort....it's about going home and letting go and it packs a HUGE punch.
Highly recommend this book. But keep the tissues and liquor handy.
I definitely wouldn't be opposed to reading about Jefferson, Shelia and Stevie.....is it MMF or is it MFM??? Inquiring minds.....
This was me for the majority of this novel....
This woman can write. Beautifully. When it first started...honestly, I thought it was going to be a DNF because I couldn't relate to the MC at the time in the story. But the more I read and the more embroiled in their lives I became, the more entrenched I was in this story and I couldn't stop. I NEEDED to see how it would I play out because I was invested. Mackey is a exquisitely written character and I could really see and understand how and why Trav fell in love with him from the start. There's something magnetic and electric about so much genius wrapped up in one body with a kind soul and a giving heart. The side characters were all amazing and each brought something wonderful to the story as well. By 80% this book had completely savaged me and God, I hurt. I got Trav so completely here. How can you hate someone who's leaving?
This book is about love, family, acceptance, pride, tolerance, strength, heartbreak, healing, comfort....it's about going home and letting go and it packs a HUGE punch.
Highly recommend this book. But keep the tissues and liquor handy.
I definitely wouldn't be opposed to reading about Jefferson, Shelia and Stevie.....is it MMF or is it MFM??? Inquiring minds.....
May 13, 2015
5+++ stars!!!
I need to find myself again...
WHAT A BOOK! What a journey.
I need a T-shirt that says:
Amy Lane killed me... Again!
It's the third book by Amy Lane that is going strait to My-All-Time-Fav shelf! A record!
I know that by purchasing the series not in seven parts, but as one book, I missed a few extra chapters that each part had (I only found out about it afterwards), but I am so glad I read it as one book without cutting it in the middle. This book needs to be devoted and appreciated as much as one can. It's a rare diamond.
If you can, try to read all chapters together.
"So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell,
Blue sky's from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange?
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
HOW I WISH, HOW I WISH YOU WERE HERE.
WE'RE JUST TWO LOST SOULS
SWIMMING IN A FISH BOWL,
YEAR AFTER YEAR,
RUNNING OVER THE SAME OLD GROUND.
WHAT WE FOUND?
THE SAME OLD FEARS.
WISH YOU WERE HERE"
I miss these guys so much already!
I need to find myself again...
WHAT A BOOK! What a journey.
I need a T-shirt that says:
Amy Lane killed me... Again!
It's the third book by Amy Lane that is going strait to My-All-Time-Fav shelf! A record!
I know that by purchasing the series not in seven parts, but as one book, I missed a few extra chapters that each part had (I only found out about it afterwards), but I am so glad I read it as one book without cutting it in the middle. This book needs to be devoted and appreciated as much as one can. It's a rare diamond.
If you can, try to read all chapters together.
"So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell,
Blue sky's from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange?
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
HOW I WISH, HOW I WISH YOU WERE HERE.
WE'RE JUST TWO LOST SOULS
SWIMMING IN A FISH BOWL,
YEAR AFTER YEAR,
RUNNING OVER THE SAME OLD GROUND.
WHAT WE FOUND?
THE SAME OLD FEARS.
WISH YOU WERE HERE"
I miss these guys so much already!
February 1, 2021
3rd Time around I think? This time around I did it with my
daughter.
It's always going to hit me like a truck.
This was just so good.
Overall book rating: 10 STARS
Audio Book: Nick J. Russo – 4.5
Book Cover: 4
I'm still breathing. Yes
Second time around, and may I say that it still blew my mind, and of course, broke my heart.
I can honestly say that this story, will forever be one of the best things I’ve ever read.
Even though I knew what to expect I still can’t give Amy Lane enough credit for the magic she weaved into the lives of these boys. For the emotionally raw reality and sadness of the lives of the Sanders brothers and their “adopted” family.
I want to be so mad at the world for putting them through all these things, and reality is that these things, the Sanders brothers, the Steve’s and the Grant’s of this live, these thing happen on a daily basis all over our little planet.
I’ll forever greave the loss of Grant’s “happiness” I swear, I cried myself into a headache over these boys. It’s absolutely brilliant.
The audio was nicely done as well.
daughter.
It's always going to hit me like a truck.
This was just so good.
Overall book rating: 10 STARS
Audio Book: Nick J. Russo – 4.5
Book Cover: 4
I'm still breathing. Yes
Second time around, and may I say that it still blew my mind, and of course, broke my heart.
I can honestly say that this story, will forever be one of the best things I’ve ever read.
Even though I knew what to expect I still can’t give Amy Lane enough credit for the magic she weaved into the lives of these boys. For the emotionally raw reality and sadness of the lives of the Sanders brothers and their “adopted” family.
I want to be so mad at the world for putting them through all these things, and reality is that these things, the Sanders brothers, the Steve’s and the Grant’s of this live, these thing happen on a daily basis all over our little planet.
I’ll forever greave the loss of Grant’s “happiness” I swear, I cried myself into a headache over these boys. It’s absolutely brilliant.
The audio was nicely done as well.
June 28, 2022
I first read this novel several years ago and I remember it gutting me emotionally.
Now, it touched me, but it didn't destroy me as before.
Why? Time? Revisit? Antidepressants?
Who knows.
I enjoyed all the drama and the more subdued feels, but I wish for the first strong impact it had on me. Maybe another several years will create that bit of forgetfulness that will entrance me once again.
Now, it touched me, but it didn't destroy me as before.
Why? Time? Revisit? Antidepressants?
Who knows.
I enjoyed all the drama and the more subdued feels, but I wish for the first strong impact it had on me. Maybe another several years will create that bit of forgetfulness that will entrance me once again.
January 24, 2017
This started out as a 5 star read but the author just kept dragging the story along. I ended up have to read...pause...read...pause to get through the book. The more I read past the 60% mark the more repetitive, boring and cheesy the story got.
April 13, 2022
Wrenching rock romance.
So much baggage to unpack.
Holy cats, it’s good.
Reread in one day because I started Paint it Black and wanted to remember every moment.
I am beyond wrecked. For my all-time favorite list.
So much baggage to unpack.
Holy cats, it’s good.
Reread in one day because I started Paint it Black and wanted to remember every moment.
I am beyond wrecked. For my all-time favorite list.
May 18, 2015
5 'there aren't really enough stars for this book!
‘Trav thought of the song – his song – and the cry from the invisible boy who slept in forgotten corners and lived to make people love him or hate him or anything so long as they didn’t forget his name.’
BEST READ OF THE YEAR!! HOW? HOW CAN OUR WORDS DO JUSTICE TO THIS BOOK? There are stories we read that burrow their way into a little piece of our hearts, the ones we think about every now and again, and then there are stories like Beneath the Stain, a priceless piece of exceptional and heartfelt storytelling that stands out from the very first to the very last page, is detailed with such aching that it has such a staggering emotional effect on you, and you know it will stay with you always and is something you’ll NEVER forget! This…. THIS book personified everything we love about reading.
“I’m trying to follow all the steps and check all the boxes. But my heart hurts and my skin aches, and God, I just want to be touched…….Can you touch me and then look at me tomorrow, and it will be okay?”
Beneath the Stain didn’t merely take a piece of our hearts, it obliterated them, made them soar and we may never recover, but then again, we don’t want to. We want to saviour and cherish this reading experience forever and we will! There was nothing superfluous about Mackey, Trav, Grant, Kell, Stevie, Blake and Jefferson’s story. Every word…EVERY SINGLE WORD felt like a precious gift to be treasured and guarded with our every fibre of our being.
‘Trav couldn’t explain the surge of protectiveness, of reluctant admiration, that knotted his stomach when he watched Mackey sleep. He was defenceless like this, every bit of sarcasm, sass, and fire shuttered behind closed eyes. Trav had to protect him when he slept – who else would? So far the world had done a stunningly poor job of taking care of Mackey Sanders.’
Amy Lane delivered a story with so much depth, so much emotion, so many layers and she brought it all to life with such incredible striking imagery that we became a part of her world…. active participants in her story. At no time were we mere spectators. We lived and breathed the triumphs, tragedies, pain and heartbreak with each and every character. We felt their pain so deep in our hearts there were times we sobbed so hard our chests heaved and we couldn’t breathe.
“It’s just that I’ve finally seen you not awful. You’re stunning.”
Yes, this is a love story between Trav and Mackey but it so much more. This is a story of friendships, loyalty, family, love, overcoming prejudice and finding peace within you, and very, very rarely do we get to experience a story that encompasses this dynamic so breathtakingly beautifully and with such real emotion as this one. The dynamics of the relationships singularly were so diverse, yet as a whole so cohesive….so right, so real, so relatable. These guys may have been unconventional but each one had so much heart and was so unique….we loved them all.
‘It was a pure, unfiltered glimpse into Mackey James Sanders heart, and it was battered and bloody and still a little broken. But healing.’
At the centre of it all was the talented, temperamental, sensitive and almost ethereal McKay (Mackey) Sanders and what a fascinatingly flawed and complex character he was. A man plagued by demons, hiding his sexuality and who really just needs to feel loved and be accepted.
“It’s hard loving people that bright, that shiny, that they make everyone else in the world look dim.”
One of the most beautiful characters we’ve ever had the pleasure to meet was Travis (Trav) Ford. This stoic ex-military, man of order and timed precision who is entrusted with the job of looking after this bunch of rag tag rockers, would start out as the manager of Outlaw Monkey, yet soon becomes one of the most important in their lives, not only to Mackey, but to all the boys and his relationships with these boys was awe inspiring and really hits at the heart of the reader.
“You can’t be the whole album, Trav. You just can’t. But you can be the best songs.”
Beneath the Stain is pure emotion. It’s ALL about the story….no page filling nookie in this book. Every word served a purpose, every scene, every detail so vivid and so important, and so meaningful to their journey.
Amy Lane held us captive and transfixed through this entire story. Be it when she was whipping us into frenzy as an active, entranced audience member being beguiled by the extraordinary Mackey and the guys of Outbreak Monkey as they performed on stage. Or tearing out our hearts with some of the most intense, heartbreaking scenes we’ve read, or knotting our stomachs with her little teases of the angst that was to unfold, even giggling over the banter between the family and let’s not forget the times our hearts swelled with the love conveyed so masterfully through the pages.
‘Trav knew the real boy underneath, and he was three times as beautiful as the image.’
We could go on and on about this story and between us we WILL for a long time to come because as we relive the tender, beautifully touching moments of this book again and again. Beneath the Stain is one of those diamonds you hope and pray you’ll come across as a reader and we’re so extremely grateful we did.
“My Mom told me the trick to staying in love was falling in love every day. Like you do with music. You listen for good music every day.”
Such and inspiring journey and all we can say is READ THIS BOOK!!!
‘They became one, and Mackey could breathe. Trav was a part of him, and Mackey had strength. Trav moved, and Mackey’s body became light and Trav’s body became sound and together they were the thing Mackey worshipped most.
Music.’
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January 30, 2024
Beneath the Stain by Amy Lane
Contemporary M-M romance.
Mackey Sanders and his brothers “played” band when they were young and trying to stay out of trouble until one day it became real. Mackey wrote lyrics and the music and they went on to play at their high school where they weren’t the losers anymore. Suddenly they had fans and gigs at the local bar. Grant Adams was able to pull strings and the boys a record label audition and they were off to fame. But Grant wasn’t willing to come out as gay and ended up marrying a woman and staying in Tyson, CA. Mackey is devastated and uses the emotions to write more songs and flirt with the audience. Fame became drugs and parties and they eventually get a new manager who puts a stop to the damage and puts Mackey in rehab, hoping everyone will survive the cleanup and the return to responsibility.
Mackey and Grant were a couple when Mackey was only fourteen. Leaving Tyson has him lost and floundering. For years.
The story starts when all the boys are young so you get to know the young and untutored. You’ll be along for the ride of them finding fame and also when more than one of them crashes. You’ll also see the rebuild and the second chance and the hope and the loss.
Lots of angst. Lots of family. Lots of love. Heartbreak and hope.
Typical Amy Lane, crying for the sad, the happy, and the love.
4.5
Contemporary M-M romance.
Mackey Sanders and his brothers “played” band when they were young and trying to stay out of trouble until one day it became real. Mackey wrote lyrics and the music and they went on to play at their high school where they weren’t the losers anymore. Suddenly they had fans and gigs at the local bar. Grant Adams was able to pull strings and the boys a record label audition and they were off to fame. But Grant wasn’t willing to come out as gay and ended up marrying a woman and staying in Tyson, CA. Mackey is devastated and uses the emotions to write more songs and flirt with the audience. Fame became drugs and parties and they eventually get a new manager who puts a stop to the damage and puts Mackey in rehab, hoping everyone will survive the cleanup and the return to responsibility.
Mackey and Grant were a couple when Mackey was only fourteen. Leaving Tyson has him lost and floundering. For years.
The story starts when all the boys are young so you get to know the young and untutored. You’ll be along for the ride of them finding fame and also when more than one of them crashes. You’ll also see the rebuild and the second chance and the hope and the loss.
Lots of angst. Lots of family. Lots of love. Heartbreak and hope.
Typical Amy Lane, crying for the sad, the happy, and the love.
4.5
May 28, 2017
Amazing book, beautifully written.
Emotionally intense, with just the right amount of angst, this had me in its grip from beginning to end. The characters feel real, their pain is more than real and hit me right where it matters most. There was anger and anguish and regret and desperation and so so much heartache, but there is also so much love, so much passion and understanding.
Mackey's development as a person and a gay man from beginning to end is awesome. And Trav just had me swoon all over the place. Their journey has so many highs and lows, it felt like a blooming roller coaster at times. And it was wonderful!
Yes, I cried. (The last third will rip your heart out.) But ultimately this epic story of love and forgiveness touched me deeply.
Highly recommended
Emotionally intense, with just the right amount of angst, this had me in its grip from beginning to end. The characters feel real, their pain is more than real and hit me right where it matters most. There was anger and anguish and regret and desperation and so so much heartache, but there is also so much love, so much passion and understanding.
Mackey's development as a person and a gay man from beginning to end is awesome. And Trav just had me swoon all over the place. Their journey has so many highs and lows, it felt like a blooming roller coaster at times. And it was wonderful!
Yes, I cried. (The last third will rip your heart out.) But ultimately this epic story of love and forgiveness touched me deeply.
Highly recommended
Read
February 13, 2021I’m writing this with tears rolling down my face after ugly crying for the last 2 hours. All I have to say is I loved Grant and was really only interested when he was on page. He deserved so much better and I’m crying again so that’s all I have to say
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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