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Solitude: A Singular Life in a Crowded World
With a foreword by Nicholas Carr, author of the Pulitzer Prize–finalist The Shallows.
Today, society embraces sharing like never before. Fueled by our dependence on mobile devices and social media, we have created an ecosystem of obsessive connection. Many of us now lead lives of strangely crowded isolation: we are always linked, but only shallowly so.
The capacity to be alone, properly alone, is one of life’s subtlest skills. Real solitude is a powerful resource we can call upon—a crucial ingredient for a rich interior life. It inspires reflection, allows creativity to flourish, and improves our relationships with ourselves and, unexpectedly, with others. Idle hands can, in fact, produce the extraordinary. In living bigger and faster, we have forgotten the joys of silence, and undervalued how profoundly it can revolutionize our lives.
This book is about discovering stillness inside the city, inside the crowd, inside our busy lives. With wit and energy, award-winning author Michael Harris weaves captivating true stories with reporting from the world’s foremost brain researchers, psychologists, and tech entrepreneurs to guide us toward a state of measured connectivity that balances quiet and companionship.
Solitude is a beautiful and convincing statement on the transformative power of being alone.
Today, society embraces sharing like never before. Fueled by our dependence on mobile devices and social media, we have created an ecosystem of obsessive connection. Many of us now lead lives of strangely crowded isolation: we are always linked, but only shallowly so.
The capacity to be alone, properly alone, is one of life’s subtlest skills. Real solitude is a powerful resource we can call upon—a crucial ingredient for a rich interior life. It inspires reflection, allows creativity to flourish, and improves our relationships with ourselves and, unexpectedly, with others. Idle hands can, in fact, produce the extraordinary. In living bigger and faster, we have forgotten the joys of silence, and undervalued how profoundly it can revolutionize our lives.
This book is about discovering stillness inside the city, inside the crowd, inside our busy lives. With wit and energy, award-winning author Michael Harris weaves captivating true stories with reporting from the world’s foremost brain researchers, psychologists, and tech entrepreneurs to guide us toward a state of measured connectivity that balances quiet and companionship.
Solitude is a beautiful and convincing statement on the transformative power of being alone.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published April 18, 2017
231 people are currently reading
4750 people want to read
About the author
Michael Harris
4 books155 followersMichael Harris is the bestselling author of The End of Absence, Solitude, and All We Want. A recipient of the Governor General’s Literary Award, he is also a faculty member in the Literary Journalism program at the Banff Centre and the writer of the award-winning podcast Command Line Heroes. He lives with his husband in Vancouver. MichaelJohnHarris.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 303 reviews
December 10, 2017
the thing with this author is that he gives the impression when reading his books that he's a very well researched tour guide on a trip to Antarctica... except he himself has never been. one appreciates the anecdotes and research he's dug up on the subject, but ultimately you'd rather be traveling with someone with a bit of first hand experience, right? it's a strange thing to read a book about something so inherently personal and yet the author seems to have spent so little time in solitude himself, while simultaneously holding the concept on a pedestal, he almost makes fun of it when it comes to his own life. the last chapter, a week long trip by himself to a family cabin, reads as forced and trite, a trip where he mostly describes "staring at the ocean waiting for an epiphany", as if he's completely missed the whole point of his own book. really disappointing. sorry for the long review I had high hopes for this one, the subject matter is one I find fascinating and hugely important.
January 22, 2018
This book is equal parts thought provoking and downright scary, as the author explains exactly how technology and our dependence on our devices has its hooks in us all, with more to come. Enjoying solitude is a vanishing art, unfortunately, but one we need to cultivate to maintain our individuality. The last chapter is about his lone venture into a cabin in the Canadian wilderness for a week; no phone, TV, radio, computer, electricity, nothing but him and his thoughts. It was an experience that changed him for the better. Not sure I want to go that far, but it has certainly made me think about just how "connected" I want to be.
April 14, 2017
Harris' book is like a breath of fresh air. Even now, I feel guilty logging in, and crafting a review that will perhaps sway your opinion on whether or not to make this purchase. This review is more of a thank you to the author for his thoughts and wit, which are boldly on display. I thoroughly enjoyed his writing. Each morning I looked forward to opening the book with my warm cup of coffee. Enjoy this Good Read friends.
May 14, 2017
Michael Harris makes the case that solitude and daydreaming are as necessary to the brain and to personhood as oxygen and blood. He makes an even stronger case that our mania for communal grooming by seeking out digital likes and shares and retweets threatens to destroy that solitude.
Indeed, virtual connections threaten to destroy both solitude AND togetherness, because we're never alone, but the quality of our connections is also impoverished. We are neither alone nor in communion.
So, what to do? If solitude is a valuable resource being harvested and squandered by Facebook and Youtube, Twitter and Instagram, what do we do about it? How do people in this digital age preserve and exercise solitude?
He doesn't say. And so a beautifully written book could have been so much more for lack of a stronger editorial hand to payoff on the subtitle of the book.
Indeed, virtual connections threaten to destroy both solitude AND togetherness, because we're never alone, but the quality of our connections is also impoverished. We are neither alone nor in communion.
So, what to do? If solitude is a valuable resource being harvested and squandered by Facebook and Youtube, Twitter and Instagram, what do we do about it? How do people in this digital age preserve and exercise solitude?
He doesn't say. And so a beautifully written book could have been so much more for lack of a stronger editorial hand to payoff on the subtitle of the book.
January 19, 2018
The first two chapters were great. I devoured his words wanting to know more of what he has researched and more of his thoughts. However, after those two chapters the author completely lost me. I felt lost in the message he was trying to convey and how that links with the chapters beforehand, so I ultimately lost interest completely and I basically just scanned the new few pages till the end.
May 20, 2017
Whimsical at times, Harris does put up a good argument on the necessity of solitude and the mastery of it as an art, in this modern era that constantly calls for one to remain connected.
June 29, 2017
I'm not sure that Solitude by Michael Harris is really about solitude.
It was more of an exploration of our modern, connected, tech-obsessed society. He discusses what that looks like, how it happened and it's impact on our daily lives and on our long-term health. Harris wonders if social media has made us 'socially obese', like teenagers who need to be needed and loved. And he talks about the addictive nature of 'sharing'
Full review here - http://bronasbooks.blogspot.com.au/20...
It was more of an exploration of our modern, connected, tech-obsessed society. He discusses what that looks like, how it happened and it's impact on our daily lives and on our long-term health. Harris wonders if social media has made us 'socially obese', like teenagers who need to be needed and loved. And he talks about the addictive nature of 'sharing'
Full review here - http://bronasbooks.blogspot.com.au/20...
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November 13, 20202020 non fiction book 9 out of 12
“The alternative to solitude was never companionship. The alternative to solitude is loneliness.”
Solitude is part research and information, part anecdotal journey of the author's experience writing the book. It goes through many issues in today's modern world- everything from emojis, 'personalised' recommendations and love letters.
While this book never goes into depth on its topics, it is useful in providing quick, base level information for those who have never researched it themselves, albeit in a surface level way. If you already know a lot about the science and psychology behind solitude, you may not find this book that interesting or original. It touches on many concepts, but without much scientific backing or discussion.
But if you are like me and simply wanted to learn more about the topic, without reading a whole scientific journal- this could be good for you! I listened on audio, the majority of it while walking outside. I have found that non-fiction books tend to work best for me audibly, keeping me engaged and preventing the skim reading habit school has forced me into while researching. While the audiobook was nothing spectacular in terms of performance, it did what it needed to do. If you have access to it, I would recommend listening!
“Mornings are the best chance we get, every day, to recall our solitude. They are brief glimpses into a default mindset that arises before the world pours too much noise into our eyes and ears.”
Michael Harris takes us through his journey from waking up every morning worried about what he missed on social media while he was asleep, to living alone in a cabin for a week. I have seen a few reviews saying that Harris is not qualified to write this book, considering he has no real experience in the field. I agree with some part of that critique, as at times it does seem that he has nothing new to add, and just lightly brushes on some things. However, I also think it is good that this was written by just an everyday person. It helps the book and its contents feel approachable and realistic, and gives it a human feel. I think you can figure out for yourself which camp you would fall into, and that could help you decide if you want to spend your time on this one, or try something else instead!
"There must be an art to it, I thought. A certain practice, or alchemy, that turns loneliness into solitude, blank days into blank canvases. It must be one of those lost arts, like svelte calligraphy or the confident trying of a wedding cravat. A lost little art that, year by year, fades into the bleaching light of the future."
My main critique is just that information felt underdeveloped and choppy in areas. I couldn't discern the connection between chapters, or even why some were included at all. It felt like it was trying to talk about so many things at once that it lost its purpose and ended up not even coming to solution. Sure, a week alone in nature could help some people, but there was no discussion about those of us for whom that is not an option. Some simple, actionable steps for daily life could have been a valuable addition the book.
Overall, I am conflicted about this book. In terms of enjoyment, I was engaged for the majority of the time (although that is also partially reliant on the format in which I read it). However, I didn't come out of it feeling like I learnt that much about solitude, or tips on living 'a singular life in a crowded world', as the title implies.
“The alternative to solitude was never companionship. The alternative to solitude is loneliness.”
Solitude is part research and information, part anecdotal journey of the author's experience writing the book. It goes through many issues in today's modern world- everything from emojis, 'personalised' recommendations and love letters.
While this book never goes into depth on its topics, it is useful in providing quick, base level information for those who have never researched it themselves, albeit in a surface level way. If you already know a lot about the science and psychology behind solitude, you may not find this book that interesting or original. It touches on many concepts, but without much scientific backing or discussion.
But if you are like me and simply wanted to learn more about the topic, without reading a whole scientific journal- this could be good for you! I listened on audio, the majority of it while walking outside. I have found that non-fiction books tend to work best for me audibly, keeping me engaged and preventing the skim reading habit school has forced me into while researching. While the audiobook was nothing spectacular in terms of performance, it did what it needed to do. If you have access to it, I would recommend listening!
“Mornings are the best chance we get, every day, to recall our solitude. They are brief glimpses into a default mindset that arises before the world pours too much noise into our eyes and ears.”
Michael Harris takes us through his journey from waking up every morning worried about what he missed on social media while he was asleep, to living alone in a cabin for a week. I have seen a few reviews saying that Harris is not qualified to write this book, considering he has no real experience in the field. I agree with some part of that critique, as at times it does seem that he has nothing new to add, and just lightly brushes on some things. However, I also think it is good that this was written by just an everyday person. It helps the book and its contents feel approachable and realistic, and gives it a human feel. I think you can figure out for yourself which camp you would fall into, and that could help you decide if you want to spend your time on this one, or try something else instead!
"There must be an art to it, I thought. A certain practice, or alchemy, that turns loneliness into solitude, blank days into blank canvases. It must be one of those lost arts, like svelte calligraphy or the confident trying of a wedding cravat. A lost little art that, year by year, fades into the bleaching light of the future."
My main critique is just that information felt underdeveloped and choppy in areas. I couldn't discern the connection between chapters, or even why some were included at all. It felt like it was trying to talk about so many things at once that it lost its purpose and ended up not even coming to solution. Sure, a week alone in nature could help some people, but there was no discussion about those of us for whom that is not an option. Some simple, actionable steps for daily life could have been a valuable addition the book.
Overall, I am conflicted about this book. In terms of enjoyment, I was engaged for the majority of the time (although that is also partially reliant on the format in which I read it). However, I didn't come out of it feeling like I learnt that much about solitude, or tips on living 'a singular life in a crowded world', as the title implies.
August 27, 2017
This is not a book about solitude. It is a book about writing a book about solitude. Harris, by his own admission is not qualified to write about solitude in any deep sense. This is a travelogue as Harris thinks about moving towards a reduced technological connection with others and an increased experience of solicitude. He makes some small steps and we read about each one.
June 27, 2017
This was an incredible and important read. In today's society, we so often forsake solitude without thought for what we are giving up in exchange. I appreciated this thoughtfully written book that opened my eyes to what I might be sacrificing in my day to day life. A part of me wanted to throw out my phone and all things connected to the internet, but I've come back to my original conviction that social media and technology are at my disposal to use, not the other way around. This book will be a staple on my bookshelf in the years to come as the world moves towards a level of connection that has never been seen before.
May 10, 2018
Good book and very interesting glance into the psychology of being alone , gets boring towards the end because it chooses to go into different tangents that are only mildly related to the sense of being alone , very good beginning and middle , it will keep you reading .
January 26, 2018
A better title would have been "The Extinction of Solitude." This book is less an exploration of the experience and benefits of solitude (which is what I was expecting and wanting) than it is a treatise on technology's encroachment and annihilation of solitude -- something I quickly tired of as I often grow weary when people demonize the current technology of the day as destroying some inherent human way of being when, in fact, it usually is just amplifying a different human characteristic. Humans have ALWAYS been remarkably good at avoiding themselves on a serious contemplative level and instead invest great focus and energy on plugging in to the pack and attending to the demands of the pack. When we do focus on self, it is often in a not-so-healthy way and has some tangential if not direct connection to the pack. The Internet and smartphones did not cause this "alarming" behavior but because we are in the midst of a significant technological shift that has a generational component to it, we are acutely aware of it. So, if THAT issue intrigues you and you want to dwell on the dark side of technology, go ahead and read this. If you want to contemplate solitude, though, read something else
April 18, 2017
Mixed bag. I liked a whole lot of the book (maybe 3 5ths? :) ) but there were 3 oddly discordant chapters kind of plunked in the middle that didn't really fit with the whole and which didn't seem to contribute any to the larger narrative. One was on reading/ writing, one on love letters, and the other on death. There were bits in the death chapter that touched on the effects of illness on perceptions of social connection and those were interesting and thought provoking but as a whole I had a hard time following those sections. Those 3 chapters were 3/4ths of the last section but the very last chapter was so good that it all but redeems that section.
The rest of the book was a solid read. I'm oddly picky about the quality of nonfiction writing and Michael Harris really does have a great voice. I'm going to check out his previous book about our digital worlds mostly on the strength of his writing (and my own paranoid concerns in that arena). If it's at the library, of course. On the whole if it sounds interesting, you'll probably like it.
The rest of the book was a solid read. I'm oddly picky about the quality of nonfiction writing and Michael Harris really does have a great voice. I'm going to check out his previous book about our digital worlds mostly on the strength of his writing (and my own paranoid concerns in that arena). If it's at the library, of course. On the whole if it sounds interesting, you'll probably like it.
May 2, 2017
This was a very enjoyable book about how we are spending less time by ourselves and taking time away from the internet and other instant gratification devices.
For myself, I enjoy my personal time and not having access to any social tech for days at a time. Nothing is better than our own time, that's why we read.
A good book that goes away from its subject matter for a few chapters, but relevent none the less.
For myself, I enjoy my personal time and not having access to any social tech for days at a time. Nothing is better than our own time, that's why we read.
A good book that goes away from its subject matter for a few chapters, but relevent none the less.
December 6, 2016
There's nothing wrong with being alone at times. It's how I recharge. Nor do we always need to connect, share our opinions, comment, instagram, text, or tweet.
So, you know what? Don't worry about this review. But if you feel similarly, do check out this book.
So, you know what? Don't worry about this review. But if you feel similarly, do check out this book.
December 5, 2024
Very thought provoking! A great read!
November 2, 2017
Quiet, considered, and very beautiful. This is the best book I've read this year.
August 1, 2020
An extra star for the things that weren't on the page, but which his musings started in my own solitary mind.
January 10, 2022
1. Enjoy a balanced schedule of solitude. It’s important to regain your internal balance – emotionally, mentally, and physically. This brings about self-reflection, mind wandering, and a sense of being “in control and present”. Isolation (away from social media and other human beings) helps with self-improvement.
2. Question what is being fed to you. Question whether the thing being suggested to you is putting you in a ludic loop. Encourage personal style and choices. Encourage branching out to learn something out of your comfort zone. Opt-in for unusual things. Listen to what you truly desire instead of being another person in the crowd.
3. Go back to nature. Choose a path where you are more surrounded by nature. “Stepping off the narrow sidewalk for even a few minutes, we may come across a new (and very old) definition of ourselves, one with less reference to others.”
It made me question how, before reading this book, did I ever find recommendations on what book to read. I used Goodreads or maybe suggestions from other people. But maybe I need to head to the library and grab a few books on my own and start reading – to have the opportunity to form my own interest and decisions on which author will take me on a brand new journey.
I am aware that the book contains a lot of backup research examples and real-life stories. Some of them, I felt, were forcefully included to try and advocate for a certain topic but I like how the author is aware of this and intentionally explains “though this is the lesson I am picking out of the story… these other things happened to this person that don’t exactly paint the whole picture”. There were some topics like wandering that I definitely think are beneficial but may be overestimated in the early sections of the book.
Overall it was a very informative read and it encouraged me to look out for the certain ways that I may be entering into a pointless ludic loop. It felt overwhelming, as if doom is at the door but none of us are aware that we’ve already let it inside our house. I think technology plays a crucial role in our society but it helps to take a step back and just breathe. To re-examine our current standing and who we are. Because at the end of the day before we take our last breath, we don’t think about how many likes we got or how many followers we lost. We think about how we’ve lived and who we are deep inside.
2. Question what is being fed to you. Question whether the thing being suggested to you is putting you in a ludic loop. Encourage personal style and choices. Encourage branching out to learn something out of your comfort zone. Opt-in for unusual things. Listen to what you truly desire instead of being another person in the crowd.
3. Go back to nature. Choose a path where you are more surrounded by nature. “Stepping off the narrow sidewalk for even a few minutes, we may come across a new (and very old) definition of ourselves, one with less reference to others.”
It made me question how, before reading this book, did I ever find recommendations on what book to read. I used Goodreads or maybe suggestions from other people. But maybe I need to head to the library and grab a few books on my own and start reading – to have the opportunity to form my own interest and decisions on which author will take me on a brand new journey.
I am aware that the book contains a lot of backup research examples and real-life stories. Some of them, I felt, were forcefully included to try and advocate for a certain topic but I like how the author is aware of this and intentionally explains “though this is the lesson I am picking out of the story… these other things happened to this person that don’t exactly paint the whole picture”. There were some topics like wandering that I definitely think are beneficial but may be overestimated in the early sections of the book.
Overall it was a very informative read and it encouraged me to look out for the certain ways that I may be entering into a pointless ludic loop. It felt overwhelming, as if doom is at the door but none of us are aware that we’ve already let it inside our house. I think technology plays a crucial role in our society but it helps to take a step back and just breathe. To re-examine our current standing and who we are. Because at the end of the day before we take our last breath, we don’t think about how many likes we got or how many followers we lost. We think about how we’ve lived and who we are deep inside.
June 1, 2017
I'm a big fan of solitude so why didn't I give this book five stars? Because I don't think it's really about solitude so much. It seems to be about disconnecting from today's constant connections but even that message gets garbled in the chapters on love letters, on writing, and on death . I think the author makes some good points about how media influences us (subtly and not so subtly) and some great point about reading as a solitary activity but I was expecting more encouragement for the pursuit of solitude. The book seemed random in its flow but had some interesting ideas.
March 6, 2019
I was in the stationery store this afternoon, stocking up on cards and letter paper, and the woman behind the counter asked me what I planned to do with all my purchases. I responded, surprised that there was any other option, that I planned to "send letters to friends, of course."
It turns out that this was not a customary response, and the woman behind the counter went on to ask me about my epistolary habits at length. Anyone who knows me well knows that I send letters, between 300 and 400 a year, to friends and loved ones; I was glad to share the details of that habit with this woman who seemed delighted to hear it all.
In Solitude , Michael Harris spends an entire chapter writing about letters; since reading it, I have been thinking a lot about why I love to send correspondence in the post, and why this has been the one habit of mine I have kept going since my childhood. There are, of course, many answers to this question, but one of them is clearly that I love the process of letter-writing. I love what it evokes inside me, I love what it makes me feel about the person I am writing to, and I love how it acts as this quasi-spiritual bridge between us, and between our inner lives.
Harris summed it up pretty well in his book:
I write letters as small acts of faith, as little nuggets of hope and brightness in a world that can so often feel dark and despondent.
---
On the plane, on the way here to Seattle, I watched Can You Ever Forgive Me? , a film based on the true story of letter-forger Lee Israel. The movie was charming in many ways, but one part still stays with me: a conversation about the delight of having someone keep your letters much after you've passed on, and people clamouring to buy them as collector's items.
I have written thousands of letters in my lifetime, and I can guess that fewer than 1% of them have been kept. I can also guess that fewer than 1% of those that were kept are actually worth keeping. For the most part, my letters are not momentous: they are missives that detail my spirit, that recount my everyday life. I am not interesting—nor famous—enough for anyone to care about my letters once I am gone.
I am curious, however: what makes a letter valuable? What makes someone want to collect the words of another, words that were destined for yet another stranger to the collector? In the film, the forged letters are often just good encapsulations of the voice and tone of the writer, but the ones that fetch the most money are filled with enticing, often salacious, content. If a letter is but a retelling of our spirit and our life, and if our life is mired in the mundane, what is there worth to keep?
These thoughts, about the noteworthiness of letters, have particularly been on my mind after reading pieces on three separate historical letters, recently. The first, where Dame Emma Thompson resigns from a film that she wanted to do, with a director she liked, because John Lasseter had joined the production company, says what so many of us have been thinking in the #MeToo era:
Why is this a letter that will be noteworthy in the years to come? Perhaps it is because the letter speaks a truth that so many want to say, but don't have the ability or position to voice. As Mary McNamara says in her analysis of Dame Thompson's letter:
Another, John Steinbeck's letter asking Marilyn Monroe for her autograph for his nephew, is memorable and collector-worthy not because it is the voice of the many, but because it is the singular voice of one, quirky and strange and honest and delightful:
The letter of note that has weighed most heavy on my heart is one of matters of the heart: Tupac’s apology to Madonna, after their breakup, written while incarcerated. I, too, have written apology letters—to friends, strangers, and loved ones—and feel the raw honesty in his letter most deeply. Few, if any, have had this kind of emotional release.
Chandra Steele sums up one of the most striking parts of the letter:
There are many reasons why one would want to collect this letter by Tupac, but I hope that instead of a collector, the letter was returned to its recipient. This kind of emotional catharsis feels too personal to be held by someone to whom it was not addressed. The letter is most noteworthy because it should not be public, but instead held in confidence between the hearts of lovers.
---
The appeal of Lee Israel's forgeries, at least according to Can You Ever Forgive Me? , make sense to me only when I realize that sometimes the only way to understand the spirit of someone is through their correspondence. If a letter is how we share our thoughts, feelings, vulnerabilities, and mundanity, then a letter approaches being a representation of our truest selves.
Michael Harris, in Solitude , sums it up nicely in two sentences:
I did not say all of this to the woman behind the counter at the stationery store, but I did tell her of the joy that putting a pen to paper, and then sending that paper via the post, brings to me. In telling her this, I realized that in my letters, I am my truest self, and I know myself best. I left the store feeling hopeful, and ready to send more correspondence.
It turns out that this was not a customary response, and the woman behind the counter went on to ask me about my epistolary habits at length. Anyone who knows me well knows that I send letters, between 300 and 400 a year, to friends and loved ones; I was glad to share the details of that habit with this woman who seemed delighted to hear it all.
In Solitude , Michael Harris spends an entire chapter writing about letters; since reading it, I have been thinking a lot about why I love to send correspondence in the post, and why this has been the one habit of mine I have kept going since my childhood. There are, of course, many answers to this question, but one of them is clearly that I love the process of letter-writing. I love what it evokes inside me, I love what it makes me feel about the person I am writing to, and I love how it acts as this quasi-spiritual bridge between us, and between our inner lives.
Harris summed it up pretty well in his book:
A letter is an act of faith—the solitary letter writer, working for hours, perhaps, at a single expression from one human heart to another, must assume a connection to someone who is absent and non-responsive for maybe weeks at a time. As the critic Vivian Gornick has it: “To write a letter is to be alone with my thoughts in the conjured presence of another person. I keep myself imaginative company. I occupy the empty room. I alone infuse the silence.” One presses beyond the happenstance of spoken speech (and the casual reassurances of texting and email) into an ordered expression of things that requires removal from chatter. And yet that conjured person does sit by our side. When we take the time to write long letters to those we care about, we uncover a part of them that was not revealed before, not at dinner parties, nor cafés, nor even lying together in rumpled sheets.
I write letters as small acts of faith, as little nuggets of hope and brightness in a world that can so often feel dark and despondent.
---
On the plane, on the way here to Seattle, I watched Can You Ever Forgive Me? , a film based on the true story of letter-forger Lee Israel. The movie was charming in many ways, but one part still stays with me: a conversation about the delight of having someone keep your letters much after you've passed on, and people clamouring to buy them as collector's items.
I have written thousands of letters in my lifetime, and I can guess that fewer than 1% of them have been kept. I can also guess that fewer than 1% of those that were kept are actually worth keeping. For the most part, my letters are not momentous: they are missives that detail my spirit, that recount my everyday life. I am not interesting—nor famous—enough for anyone to care about my letters once I am gone.
I am curious, however: what makes a letter valuable? What makes someone want to collect the words of another, words that were destined for yet another stranger to the collector? In the film, the forged letters are often just good encapsulations of the voice and tone of the writer, but the ones that fetch the most money are filled with enticing, often salacious, content. If a letter is but a retelling of our spirit and our life, and if our life is mired in the mundane, what is there worth to keep?
These thoughts, about the noteworthiness of letters, have particularly been on my mind after reading pieces on three separate historical letters, recently. The first, where Dame Emma Thompson resigns from a film that she wanted to do, with a director she liked, because John Lasseter had joined the production company, says what so many of us have been thinking in the #MeToo era:
Much has been said about giving John Lasseter a “second chance.” But he is presumably being paid millions of dollars to receive that second chance. How much money are the employees at Skydance being paid to GIVE him that second chance?
Why is this a letter that will be noteworthy in the years to come? Perhaps it is because the letter speaks a truth that so many want to say, but don't have the ability or position to voice. As Mary McNamara says in her analysis of Dame Thompson's letter:
Thompson walked away from a film she wanted to do and a director with whom she wanted to work because “no” means “no,” and it needed to be said in terms that Hollywood can understand.
Another, John Steinbeck's letter asking Marilyn Monroe for her autograph for his nephew, is memorable and collector-worthy not because it is the voice of the many, but because it is the singular voice of one, quirky and strange and honest and delightful:
I know that you are not made of celestial ether, but he doesn't. A suggestion that you have normal functions would shock him deeply and I'm not going to be the one to tell him.
The letter of note that has weighed most heavy on my heart is one of matters of the heart: Tupac’s apology to Madonna, after their breakup, written while incarcerated. I, too, have written apology letters—to friends, strangers, and loved ones—and feel the raw honesty in his letter most deeply. Few, if any, have had this kind of emotional release.
Chandra Steele sums up one of the most striking parts of the letter:
The letter is, above all else, generous. Even when he mentions an egregious comment Madonna made in an interview — “I’m off to rehabilitate all the rappers and basketball players” — he does so only to elucidate that the words were a blow to his heart and ego that resulted in his saying things he came to regret.
What’s more remarkable than what’s written is what isn’t. Tupac does not overstep the bounds of being an ex-lover. He does not push a selfish agenda. He has the wisdom to balance what he wants with what is warranted after leaving sans explanation. He does not burden her by asking for her forgiveness.
There are many reasons why one would want to collect this letter by Tupac, but I hope that instead of a collector, the letter was returned to its recipient. This kind of emotional catharsis feels too personal to be held by someone to whom it was not addressed. The letter is most noteworthy because it should not be public, but instead held in confidence between the hearts of lovers.
---
The appeal of Lee Israel's forgeries, at least according to Can You Ever Forgive Me? , make sense to me only when I realize that sometimes the only way to understand the spirit of someone is through their correspondence. If a letter is how we share our thoughts, feelings, vulnerabilities, and mundanity, then a letter approaches being a representation of our truest selves.
Michael Harris, in Solitude , sums it up nicely in two sentences:
In the solitary composition of our love letters we heal wounds and bridge distances. When we write them we experience communion within our solitude.
I did not say all of this to the woman behind the counter at the stationery store, but I did tell her of the joy that putting a pen to paper, and then sending that paper via the post, brings to me. In telling her this, I realized that in my letters, I am my truest self, and I know myself best. I left the store feeling hopeful, and ready to send more correspondence.
April 24, 2020
A refreshing read on the benefits of solitude. Elegantly written, but a few of the chapters lost me (perhaps I needed more concrete arguments personally).
Nonetheless, the central message is an important one: the ability to be truly alone is an affirmation of one's close bonds on the most essential level. This book gives a perspective on what emotional maturity might look like in this hyper-connected age, and reminds us to (i) preserve the hours to engage deeply with and make sense of the complexity of one's inner self, and (ii) build meaningful and essential connections, rather than shallow ones only meant to put at bay the fear of being alone.
Nonetheless, the central message is an important one: the ability to be truly alone is an affirmation of one's close bonds on the most essential level. This book gives a perspective on what emotional maturity might look like in this hyper-connected age, and reminds us to (i) preserve the hours to engage deeply with and make sense of the complexity of one's inner self, and (ii) build meaningful and essential connections, rather than shallow ones only meant to put at bay the fear of being alone.
August 21, 2023
We live in a hyper-connected world. If you have a smart phone then you can probably only go a few minutes without having to look at it. There is a constant stream of notifications from emails and social media app that clamour for your attention every time you pop it back in your pocket. The flip side of this is that there are more people today who are incredibly lonely, ironic given that we have a whole world at our fingertips.
Solitary confinement is often used as an extreme form of imprisonment, and the book begins with the story of Dr Edith Bone’s who was locked away for seven years and 59 days. She managed to stay sane by mentally walking through cities she had visited and survived. Our modern life means that the distractions can end up taking over far too often. (Twitter, I am looking at you). However, what Harris wants to concentrate on in this book is the positive effects of solitude. That by taking time away from life means that we can fully concentrate on the matter in hand and possibly even recapture some of our own sanity.
I also realised I was getting angry. Angry because part of my life had been stolen from me. So I set myself looking for those lost pieces of solitude in every corner of the world.
Solitude is something that companies want to erode as profits lie in getting you to consume time and their product or service. However, you can turn it around if you choose to do so. Solitude is the process of removing external distractions and concentrating on the matter that is important to you at that moment. Having time alone to allow your mind to wander will bring forth fresh ideas and direction before you re-engage with the world again. My favourite part was when he spent a week at the family cabin on an island off the coast of British Columbia and lived out the premise of the book. It takes him a few days and then he starts to notice things, that while they have always been there, he has never noticed before. I think he writes well, the book is well researched too, he handles the subject matter well, keeping it interesting and the narrative flowing. Lot of things to think about after reading this and that is a good thing. 3.5 stars
Solitary confinement is often used as an extreme form of imprisonment, and the book begins with the story of Dr Edith Bone’s who was locked away for seven years and 59 days. She managed to stay sane by mentally walking through cities she had visited and survived. Our modern life means that the distractions can end up taking over far too often. (Twitter, I am looking at you). However, what Harris wants to concentrate on in this book is the positive effects of solitude. That by taking time away from life means that we can fully concentrate on the matter in hand and possibly even recapture some of our own sanity.
I also realised I was getting angry. Angry because part of my life had been stolen from me. So I set myself looking for those lost pieces of solitude in every corner of the world.
Solitude is something that companies want to erode as profits lie in getting you to consume time and their product or service. However, you can turn it around if you choose to do so. Solitude is the process of removing external distractions and concentrating on the matter that is important to you at that moment. Having time alone to allow your mind to wander will bring forth fresh ideas and direction before you re-engage with the world again. My favourite part was when he spent a week at the family cabin on an island off the coast of British Columbia and lived out the premise of the book. It takes him a few days and then he starts to notice things, that while they have always been there, he has never noticed before. I think he writes well, the book is well researched too, he handles the subject matter well, keeping it interesting and the narrative flowing. Lot of things to think about after reading this and that is a good thing. 3.5 stars
July 19, 2019
It's not often I can pick up a non-fiction book and be completely immersed in the author's head.
It's also rare that I pay attention to every single word.
Harris completely hooked me into his world and I felt myself slowing down to absorb everything he was saying in this book.
Reading through it felt like a journey through my own thoughts, but articulated through the author. It didn't feel like an over-bloated blog post with a lot of filler text, but rather like someone who had a lot to say while trying to find their answer.
It helps that as a person steeped in mysticism and contemplation, the subject matter is near to my heart.
Solitude, in this book, is presented as something that is not only healthy... but necessary.
As we move towards a completely interconnected world, finding time for solitude is becoming increasingly rare. It is also becoming fearful as people try to drown out their own thoughts rather than allow themselves to walk down their inner road.
Harris looks at how our strength and creativity comes from these moments when we completely detach. Yet, they are being replaced with constant connection and outsourcing to others.
What are the consequences and what are we giving up in the process?
We don't get a solid answer in the end, which is a good thing. This is a deep question requiring serious thought.
To give it a black and white answer denies the reader any opportunity to wrestle with it.
This is the first work of Harris' I read and if he continues writing this way, I'm on board for the rest.
It's also rare that I pay attention to every single word.
Harris completely hooked me into his world and I felt myself slowing down to absorb everything he was saying in this book.
Reading through it felt like a journey through my own thoughts, but articulated through the author. It didn't feel like an over-bloated blog post with a lot of filler text, but rather like someone who had a lot to say while trying to find their answer.
It helps that as a person steeped in mysticism and contemplation, the subject matter is near to my heart.
Solitude, in this book, is presented as something that is not only healthy... but necessary.
As we move towards a completely interconnected world, finding time for solitude is becoming increasingly rare. It is also becoming fearful as people try to drown out their own thoughts rather than allow themselves to walk down their inner road.
Harris looks at how our strength and creativity comes from these moments when we completely detach. Yet, they are being replaced with constant connection and outsourcing to others.
What are the consequences and what are we giving up in the process?
We don't get a solid answer in the end, which is a good thing. This is a deep question requiring serious thought.
To give it a black and white answer denies the reader any opportunity to wrestle with it.
This is the first work of Harris' I read and if he continues writing this way, I'm on board for the rest.
January 8, 2018
Really terrible useless book. No scientific evidence is ever mentioned or considered to explain why solitude is good for you. No comment on how much you need, and how much is too much. Just the author writing out endlessly about his thoughts on why he wants to be alone, but can't, and it is the world's fault.
Then suddenly, he mentions a guy who was gay when it was illegal to do so in the UK, and then proceeds to consider him a god of style, and rants for tens of pages on how the current world has no style, as if style was something absolutely defined by his style gay god, and everything else should go to unstylish hell. There is really no reason to mention him being gay, or to even mention his belief in style. He just does so. The two facts are only related to the title of the book in that the same person wrote about them.
Then he proceeds to talk about every new technology and why they do not let you be alone. He rants about google maps, and on how it is not real travelling. Of course it's not, but he seems to be on a mission to convince the world that it is not. And takes this same stance with every idea he brings up.
Definitely useless book. If you were hoping to learn something from it, forget it.
Then suddenly, he mentions a guy who was gay when it was illegal to do so in the UK, and then proceeds to consider him a god of style, and rants for tens of pages on how the current world has no style, as if style was something absolutely defined by his style gay god, and everything else should go to unstylish hell. There is really no reason to mention him being gay, or to even mention his belief in style. He just does so. The two facts are only related to the title of the book in that the same person wrote about them.
Then he proceeds to talk about every new technology and why they do not let you be alone. He rants about google maps, and on how it is not real travelling. Of course it's not, but he seems to be on a mission to convince the world that it is not. And takes this same stance with every idea he brings up.
Definitely useless book. If you were hoping to learn something from it, forget it.
January 6, 2017
I've been looking forward to this follow-up ever since I read Harris' last book, "The End of Absence". Can you think of the last time you had a period of true solitude? Me neither. These two books are wake-up calls to remember all of the meaningful and important things we're missing when we're glued to our technology.
May 3, 2021
This feels like the same book as ‘The End of Absence’ which was published three years earlier. Harris loses me early on when he claims that a walk to the grocery store without his phone is an example of solitude. No. It isn’t. Solitude is more sustained than that, and more deliberate, and Harris doesn’t talk anywhere near enough about sustained, deliberate attempts at solitude to merit the title of his book. Instead, we just learn lots and lots of sometimes very interesting tidbits of information about crowd-sourcing and social media’s ability to keep us from ever wanting to be solitary, which Harris conflates with being unique.
There was one chapter that did grab hold and make me determined to change my ways. Again, it had nothing to do with solitude. It was about emoticons and how we use them in text messages as a substitute for words. He says, “Emoticons and emojis scratch out individual voices and offer instead a limited shopping list of feelings.” Harris tells us that “we use only 0.5 to 1 per cent of the words at our disposal” when we write and speak, and he slays me with this sentence — “We seldom stop to wonder whether our solitary voices have been squashed by the predetermined flash cards of sentiment we’re encouraged to hold up in their place.” Apparently women use twice as many emojis as men, and happy face and heart emojis make up more than half of all emojis used. Harris notes, “Our main pictographic concern is that people know our intentions are pleasant” and “Is it not likely that people used to having their voices institutionally diminished (women) and mangled would be interested in buttressing their messages?”
There was one chapter that did grab hold and make me determined to change my ways. Again, it had nothing to do with solitude. It was about emoticons and how we use them in text messages as a substitute for words. He says, “Emoticons and emojis scratch out individual voices and offer instead a limited shopping list of feelings.” Harris tells us that “we use only 0.5 to 1 per cent of the words at our disposal” when we write and speak, and he slays me with this sentence — “We seldom stop to wonder whether our solitary voices have been squashed by the predetermined flash cards of sentiment we’re encouraged to hold up in their place.” Apparently women use twice as many emojis as men, and happy face and heart emojis make up more than half of all emojis used. Harris notes, “Our main pictographic concern is that people know our intentions are pleasant” and “Is it not likely that people used to having their voices institutionally diminished (women) and mangled would be interested in buttressing their messages?”
May 19, 2017
This is a well-researched and insightful exploration of the pursuit of solitude to build a richer interior life. The author explores our struggle with generating new ideas, developing a deeper understanding of self and bonding with others because we don’t often view solitude as a “resource that we can either nurture or allow to be depleted.” There are several fine chapters on the dangers of becoming “digital serfs,” and taste based on the mass entertainment and judgement of for-profit companies like Google and Amazon. But the piece I found fascinating, is the research on storytelling and the notion that as technology negatively influences the solitary reading experience, it also endangers our ability to be empathetic. “The parts of the brain that are involved in reading fiction in particular share large areas with the parts of the brain that help us understand other people in daily life. The solitary readers rehearses the lives of others. And I think that must be the definition of empathy – to rehearse the lives of others.” A 2016 Dartmouth College research study found readers of content on digital devices are not only more distracted but also less able to perform higher level interpretation and less able to draw inferences and think abstractly. A particularly disturbing finding if the trend of more than half the people who purchase ebooks, read them on their smartphones. I’ll stick with printed books thanks.
May 22, 2023
Another well-timed read. This book touched my soul. Michael Harris uncomfortably explores solitude and our complex relationship with aloneness. The title “Solitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World” aptly captures the the connectivity dilemma of digital natives that Harris seeks to discuss.
“These, then, are solitude’s uses: new ideas; an understanding of the self; and closeness to others. Taken together, these three ingredients build a richer interior life.”
“Solitude is a resource we can either nurture or allow to be depleted”
“These, then, are solitude’s uses: new ideas; an understanding of the self; and closeness to others. Taken together, these three ingredients build a richer interior life.”
“Solitude is a resource we can either nurture or allow to be depleted”
October 8, 2021
Okay I defo fell asleep during the last chapter being read as I was so comfortable being read to and laying after a hot bath lol.
BUT, a very insightful audiobook. I loved how obscure the topics where I wouldn’t have thought that one could write about solitude. Very well informed at easy to understand while also being very factual and educational
BUT, a very insightful audiobook. I loved how obscure the topics where I wouldn’t have thought that one could write about solitude. Very well informed at easy to understand while also being very factual and educational
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