Coming Home Again

by Chang-rae Lee

I wasn’t cooking for my mother but for the rest of us. When she first moved downstairs she was still eating, though scantily, more just to taste what we were having than from any genuine desire for food. The point was simply to sit together at the kitchen table and array ourselves like a family again. My mother would gently set herself down in her customary chair near the stove. I sat across from her, my father and sister to my left and right, and crammed in the center was all the food I had made—a spicy codfish stew, say, or a casserole of gingery beef, dishes that in my youth she had prepared for us a hundred times.

In Coming Home Again, celebrated novelist Chang-rae Lee, author of On Such a Full Sea and Native Speaker, recalls the year he spent living at home, and learning to cook the Korean dishes of his childhood before his mother died of stomach cancer. An achingly personal story about love, grief and regret, Coming Home Again confronts the decisions we can't take back and the moments we can’t let go with astounding grace and poignancy.

Coming Home Again was originally published in The New Yorker, October 16, 1995.

Cover design by Adil Dara.

Genres: Nonfiction, Short Stories, School, Essays, Audiobook

13 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 16, 1995

About the author

Chang-rae Lee is a Korean-American novelist and a professor of creative writing at Stanford University. He was previously Professor of Creative Writing at Princeton and director of Princeton's Program in Creative Writing.

Reviews

[Min · Rating 4 out of 5]

The role of a mother in a family, more particularly a family placed within a foreign environment, each finding their own way of 'survival' in an unfamiliar land. The child's coming of age and breaking away from his tight family group, and what effect that has on his parents. Regrets, han 한 as you may call it in the Korean language, about things done and things that may have been done. Overall a sensation of what if-but even then? to the essay.
+comparison to Rushdie's Imaginary Homelands: both deals with alienation from both homeland and foreign country, but Rushdie's preliminary focus is on proving that he has the right to speak of India's history and in a foreign language (English), whereas Chang-rae Lee seems more as if he is narrating the story to himself (diary style) and organizing his own thoughts and feelings about a narrower subject (his family and his past). More points to Rushdie personally for the beautiful passage, especially of the movie screen excerpt from Midnight's Children.

3.5. Stars

[Jennifer Andrzejewski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved how this started in the kitchen. The bond between a Mother and son connected through food. I wanted it to be longer.

I hope the author would consider expanding on this story. I enjoyed the description of how the food was prepared. How it smelled, tasted, and how it was arranged. It was a glimpse into another person's world with triumph and devastation. A great short story.

[Camille-yvette Welsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is beautifully written, rich in detail and emotional truth. I use this frequently in teaching creative non-fiction to show students how to write in scene and how to enter into talking about grief through something smaller, like cooking or food. The opening scene where the whole house stills to see if the mother is still moving is a breath I am still holding. This is gorgeous writing amidst deep pain.

[junia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant

A Korean American experience in words that are relatable and beautifully crafted. Parts of it feel like my own... In a way that I would never have thought to express.

[Greg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice little essay that covers a surprising breadth of themes for its length.

[Logan · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

I remember washing rice in the kitchen one day, and my mother’s saying in English, from her usual seat, “I made a big mistake.”

“About Exeter?”

‘’Yes. I made a big mistake. You should be with us for that time. I should never let you go
there.”

“So why did you?” I said.

“Because I didn’t know I was going to die.”

This piece started off unassuming enough---learning to cook to make up for an aging mom---but the tone of the piece turned dark quickly, and by the end Lee paints such a beautiful picture of both what the boarding school experience is like for the students and the parents that you can't help but feel emotional. Lee presents an interesting view both of what it's like as an Asian-American student and trying to live up to your parents' views and desires. I highly recommend this piece.

[vv · Rating 5 out of 5]

A poignant personal essay based on the author's complex relationship with his mother. The story is written from Lee's perspective and his memories of his mother. Lee explored various themes, such as love, illness, human relationships, and cultural identity through food. It made me emotional and looking forward to watch the film adaptation. (probably gut wrenching and bittersweet)

[Tammy Horvath · Rating 3 out of 5]

Appreciate your loved ones while you can. This book is an impressive story of a son’s last days with his mom—moments a child should treasure. I loved Coming Home Again because it reminded me that God has numbered all of our days, and we may not get a warning when the end is near.

[Vintagebooklvr · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bitter-sweet memory of his mother's last days and earlier times together.

[Margo · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who cooks with family -- this will be a wonderful and devastating read.

[Iqra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emotional and touching!!

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of the most beautiful explorations of grief, growing up & life as the child of immigrants ive had the privilege of reading. i reread the ending paragraph at least five times, achingly beautiful.

[A · Rating 5 out of 5]

- a HIGH 5
- this is available for free on the new yorker and it's a short story, easy read, everyone should read it

[di(vi) · Rating 5 out of 5]

yeah, this one hurt...

[rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

wish it was longer
why so similar to crying in hmart

[Jeffrey Gong · Rating 5 out of 5]

First time I've ever cried reading something.