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Spires Universe #4
Pansies
Alfie Bell is . . . fine. He’s got a six-figure salary, a penthouse in Canary Wharf, the car he swore he’d buy when he was eighteen, and a bunch of fancy London friends.
It’s rough, though, going back to South Shields now that they all know he’s a fully paid-up pansy. It’s the last place he’s expecting to pull. But Fen’s gorgeous, with his pink-tipped hair and hipster glasses, full of the sort of courage Alfie’s never had. It should be a one-night thing, but Alfie’s never met anyone like Fen before.
Except he has. At school, when Alfie was everything he was supposed to be, and Fen was the stubborn little gay boy who wouldn’t keep his head down. And now it’s a proper mess: Fen might have slept with Alfie, but he’ll probably never forgive him, and Fen’s got all this other stuff going on anyway, with his mam and her flower shop and the life he left down south.
Alfie just wants to make it right. But how can he, when all they’ve got in common is the nowhere town they both ran away from.
It’s rough, though, going back to South Shields now that they all know he’s a fully paid-up pansy. It’s the last place he’s expecting to pull. But Fen’s gorgeous, with his pink-tipped hair and hipster glasses, full of the sort of courage Alfie’s never had. It should be a one-night thing, but Alfie’s never met anyone like Fen before.
Except he has. At school, when Alfie was everything he was supposed to be, and Fen was the stubborn little gay boy who wouldn’t keep his head down. And now it’s a proper mess: Fen might have slept with Alfie, but he’ll probably never forgive him, and Fen’s got all this other stuff going on anyway, with his mam and her flower shop and the life he left down south.
Alfie just wants to make it right. But how can he, when all they’ve got in common is the nowhere town they both ran away from.
405 pages, Paperback
First published October 8, 2016
222 people are currently reading
4733 people want to read
About the author
Alexis Hall
59 books15k followersOne of those intricate British queers.
Please note: I don’t read / reply to DMs. If you would like to get in touch, the best way is via email which you can find in the contact section on my website <3
Please note: I don’t read / reply to DMs. If you would like to get in touch, the best way is via email which you can find in the contact section on my website <3
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 875 reviews
October 12, 2016
I've had an interesting relationship with Alexis Hall's books. There have been some that I've raved about and adored and others that I've really, truly disliked. I think part of that is because Alexis Hall tries a huge range of genres and styles, and some of those seem to work for me better than others.
I was hesitant about trying Pansies for a number of reasons, but I was so intrigued by the blurb that I decided to give it a shot. I mean, if I don't try things that I'm not sure of, I'll never experience anything new.
This book was really, really lovely.
First of all, it has one of my FAVORITE themes, which is former bully-to-lover, an expansion off of the enemies-to-lovers theme. It holds a special place in my heart. I love the idea of someone turning themselves around and becoming more than they were as a kid/teen. I also ADORE when a MC has to work to get back into good graces, and I always think that it makes for a more emotionally charged book.
I also really like when we get an MC who isn't afraid to be who he is. Sure, Fen is conflicted about a lot of other things, but he doesn't shy away from expressing himself and he doesn't hide. I liked that about him very much.
Pansies isn't a book with a lot of action. The book consists mainly of discussions between Fen and Alfie, with both men exploring who and what they can be to each other and if that will work with how they imagined their lives to be. There are a lot of mistakes made, and a lot of forgiveness granted. Alfie struggles with his more traditional values and how that fits with being gay, and Fen struggles with moving past his recent life upheavals and his past with Alfie. I really liked seeing the relationship between Alfie and Fen grow and change, with little steps forward and backward.
I loved the dialogue, and, let me tell you timid readers, the accents here aren't difficult to decipher. I was afraid after Prosperity, but I had no issues here, just so you guys know.
This book, while wonderful, isn't perfect. I struggled a little bit with the length, because there was so much back and forth between the two MCs that it started to become redundant-feeling. In addition, it had one of my least favorite plot devices at 93% of the way through the story (the ). Gah, I hate that one. However, those issues didn't affect my overall very positive feelings about the story.
If you are like me and have had mixed results with Alexis Hall in the past, take a chance with this one. It is simply a very well done story of two men trying to wade their way through the complicated and very real dynamics of a relationship. Highly recommended.
*ARC provided by the publisher*
I was hesitant about trying Pansies for a number of reasons, but I was so intrigued by the blurb that I decided to give it a shot. I mean, if I don't try things that I'm not sure of, I'll never experience anything new.
This book was really, really lovely.
First of all, it has one of my FAVORITE themes, which is former bully-to-lover, an expansion off of the enemies-to-lovers theme. It holds a special place in my heart. I love the idea of someone turning themselves around and becoming more than they were as a kid/teen. I also ADORE when a MC has to work to get back into good graces, and I always think that it makes for a more emotionally charged book.
I also really like when we get an MC who isn't afraid to be who he is. Sure, Fen is conflicted about a lot of other things, but he doesn't shy away from expressing himself and he doesn't hide. I liked that about him very much.
Pansies isn't a book with a lot of action. The book consists mainly of discussions between Fen and Alfie, with both men exploring who and what they can be to each other and if that will work with how they imagined their lives to be. There are a lot of mistakes made, and a lot of forgiveness granted. Alfie struggles with his more traditional values and how that fits with being gay, and Fen struggles with moving past his recent life upheavals and his past with Alfie. I really liked seeing the relationship between Alfie and Fen grow and change, with little steps forward and backward.
I loved the dialogue, and, let me tell you timid readers, the accents here aren't difficult to decipher. I was afraid after Prosperity, but I had no issues here, just so you guys know.
This book, while wonderful, isn't perfect. I struggled a little bit with the length, because there was so much back and forth between the two MCs that it started to become redundant-feeling. In addition, it had one of my least favorite plot devices at 93% of the way through the story (the ). Gah, I hate that one. However, those issues didn't affect my overall very positive feelings about the story.
If you are like me and have had mixed results with Alexis Hall in the past, take a chance with this one. It is simply a very well done story of two men trying to wade their way through the complicated and very real dynamics of a relationship. Highly recommended.
*ARC provided by the publisher*
October 14, 2016
~4.5~
Pansies is about coming home and making amends. It’s about finding a boy and falling head over heels in love, and wanting to do the RIGHT thing—even if it hurts, even if it makes you cry.
Alfie believes real men don’t cry. It’s just how he was raised. His parents love him, but they don’t understand this whole gay business. When Alfie shows an interest in cooking, his mum tells him not to tell his dad because blokes don't cook; you need a woman for that.
Alfie was a bully growing up. He was scared and confused, and he took it out on the femme boy, the boy who glowed and did things his way. Fen remembers Alfie, how it felt to have Alfie's big hands on him; he remembers the day Alfie saved a butterfly.
Now, fifteen years later, Alfie is a successful financial adviser living in London. But he’s not happy, not really.
Fen, dealing with major life upheaval, is trying to save his mum’s flower shop. Fen knows flowers, but they’re not his passion, and staying behind feels like drowning.
This is as much Alfie’s story as it is a story of Fen and Alfie meeting again. Alfie has to work for Fen’s forgiveness. He was the perp, Fen his victim; what seemed like childish pranks to Alfie were raw hurts for Fen.
Reading Hall’s writing is like reading poetry, so I didn't really mind that the story was long (6,000 Kindle locations). Some of the interactions between Fen and Alfie felt a bit repetitive, but these MCs are complex, and their relationship complicated.
If you're looking for adventure and drama, look elsewhere. Pansies is slower paced. Alfie and Fen talk a lot, and Alfie hangs with his two best friends from London (LOVED their conversations!). Fen has an employee, Gothshelley (that’s just what everyone calls her because she's Shelley and makes art called Woe) who’s all black humour and teenage angst.
Alfie does something truly idiotic at the end, but he comes round quickly, because he just can’t imagine his life without Fen.
The ending is sweet and tender, a HEA for sure. While the steam isn’t overwhelming, it’s sensual and lovely. Fen is so sexy when he lets go, and Alfie can't get enough.
While this isn't an angsty book, there are moments of darkness and grief. But there are also kisses in caves and kimonos and DIY jobs that get way out of hand. There's laughter and letters and lasagna. There's forever and what finally feels like home.
Pansies is about coming home and making amends. It’s about finding a boy and falling head over heels in love, and wanting to do the RIGHT thing—even if it hurts, even if it makes you cry.
Alfie believes real men don’t cry. It’s just how he was raised. His parents love him, but they don’t understand this whole gay business. When Alfie shows an interest in cooking, his mum tells him not to tell his dad because blokes don't cook; you need a woman for that.
Alfie was a bully growing up. He was scared and confused, and he took it out on the femme boy, the boy who glowed and did things his way. Fen remembers Alfie, how it felt to have Alfie's big hands on him; he remembers the day Alfie saved a butterfly.
Now, fifteen years later, Alfie is a successful financial adviser living in London. But he’s not happy, not really.
“I think about my life, and it should be a great life, cos I’ve got everything I’m supposed to have, except I’m pretty sure I’m not happy.”
“Oh, Alfie. How can you know something like that?”
“Because of how I feel when I’m with you.”
Fen, dealing with major life upheaval, is trying to save his mum’s flower shop. Fen knows flowers, but they’re not his passion, and staying behind feels like drowning.
This is as much Alfie’s story as it is a story of Fen and Alfie meeting again. Alfie has to work for Fen’s forgiveness. He was the perp, Fen his victim; what seemed like childish pranks to Alfie were raw hurts for Fen.
Reading Hall’s writing is like reading poetry, so I didn't really mind that the story was long (6,000 Kindle locations). Some of the interactions between Fen and Alfie felt a bit repetitive, but these MCs are complex, and their relationship complicated.
And Alfie, desperate, a little bit dizzy, a little bit shocked. Because he loved Fen like this, so hot and straining, and lost and found, and his. He still smelled a little bit of flowers and tasted a little bit like salt. And the words scattering at their feet with the shells and sea glass were yes, and oh, and God, and yes, and please, and that last one was maybe Alfie, because he wanted it so badly, Fen’s pleasure, not taken but given, and nothing between them but this, and the things they chose to build together.
If you're looking for adventure and drama, look elsewhere. Pansies is slower paced. Alfie and Fen talk a lot, and Alfie hangs with his two best friends from London (LOVED their conversations!). Fen has an employee, Gothshelley (that’s just what everyone calls her because she's Shelley and makes art called Woe) who’s all black humour and teenage angst.
Alfie does something truly idiotic at the end, but he comes round quickly, because he just can’t imagine his life without Fen.
The ending is sweet and tender, a HEA for sure. While the steam isn’t overwhelming, it’s sensual and lovely. Fen is so sexy when he lets go, and Alfie can't get enough.
While this isn't an angsty book, there are moments of darkness and grief. But there are also kisses in caves and kimonos and DIY jobs that get way out of hand. There's laughter and letters and lasagna. There's forever and what finally feels like home.
And we could listen to musicals. And you could drive my car sometimes. And I could suck you off in the mornings and fall asleep next to you ever night . . . And we could walk on the beach and maybe get a dog. I'd quite like a dog if you would. But not if you wouldn't. Only let's not get a cat because they're snooty buggers. And maybe we could do this all the time . . . Cos . . . well . . . that's what love means to me. But it doesn't mean anything at all really, without you.
December 24, 2016
5 HUGE stars
Another amazing story by Alexis Hall!
This review has been posted on Dirty Books Obsession
I was hooked from the first pages. I loved every chapter, every word. His writing style is. JUST.PERFECT! I have no words to describe how much I love it!
This story had it all: broken dreams, drama, family problems, but also it had hope, forgiveness and so much sweetness!
Alfie was so sweet and kind. He is not happy even if it seems he has it all: an expensive car, an amazing house, a great job in London, great friends. But he feels he wants more, needs more. Then he meets this interesting stranger with long blonde hair and pink strands and he is drown to him. This stranger seems to have some unexpected secrets he will expose after one HOT night together. And everything changes for both of them.
This story felt pretty real to me. I really do believe people can change so much over the years. My heart ached for Alfie when he felt miserable for everything he was and did when he was a teenager. I understood his frustrations regarding his mistakes from the past.
Fen - what a broken and complicated character he was. The letters he was writing to his mother broke my heart. My heart ached for his awful early years. He wanted so much to be strong, but he really needed Alfie in his life - Alfie's presence to heal him.
I really loved this story! I felt it closer to Glitterland than For Real. I'm sure I will re-read it, because it was so sweet and went directly to my heart!
“And Fen came to him at last like a shipwrecked sailor finding himself safely beached on beloved, familiar shores.”
Another amazing story by Alexis Hall!
This review has been posted on Dirty Books Obsession
I was hooked from the first pages. I loved every chapter, every word. His writing style is. JUST.PERFECT! I have no words to describe how much I love it!
This story had it all: broken dreams, drama, family problems, but also it had hope, forgiveness and so much sweetness!
Alfie was so sweet and kind. He is not happy even if it seems he has it all: an expensive car, an amazing house, a great job in London, great friends. But he feels he wants more, needs more. Then he meets this interesting stranger with long blonde hair and pink strands and he is drown to him. This stranger seems to have some unexpected secrets he will expose after one HOT night together. And everything changes for both of them.
This story felt pretty real to me. I really do believe people can change so much over the years. My heart ached for Alfie when he felt miserable for everything he was and did when he was a teenager. I understood his frustrations regarding his mistakes from the past.
Fen - what a broken and complicated character he was. The letters he was writing to his mother broke my heart. My heart ached for his awful early years. He wanted so much to be strong, but he really needed Alfie in his life - Alfie's presence to heal him.
I really loved this story! I felt it closer to Glitterland than For Real. I'm sure I will re-read it, because it was so sweet and went directly to my heart!
“And Fen came to him at last like a shipwrecked sailor finding himself safely beached on beloved, familiar shores.”
November 15, 2024
Romantic and loving and lovely.
Favourite book of 2016
Favourite book of 2016
October 11, 2016
Other than reading a novelette in an anthology, I haven't read anything full length by this author. If I'm honest I was a little leery after reading this blog post by the author, but at the urging of a friend who's more familiar with his writing, I decided to give him a fair shot.
DNF @ 15%. (Please bear in mind this is well over 400 pages).
Unfortunately Pansies didn't start well for me. Yes, my reason is personal choice, but it's something that I've commented on before and likely will again: I'm very much not a lover of local dialects being used in written speech. Usually part of my peeve is authenticity, and I want to make it clear that I can't knock Alexis Hall for this and it was like listening to my father-in-law on one of his rants, but even though it can be a welcoming dialect it's not something that works for me as a reader and, for those of you who are British, you'll know exactly what I mean when I say it was like being dropped into a scene from Auf Wiedersehen Pet.
"I just divvent gerrit."
But even when you take that away, I very much struggled with Alexis Hall's writing style generally as it just didn't flow for me; it felt childish, as did the characters, and like I was being punched by short sentences and again, that's not something that works for me.
"So, I met this guy, and he was sort of odd, but sort of sweet as well, and at first I thought he didn’t like me, but then he seemed to really like me, and then he didn’t like me again. And it turned out we went to the same school."
And this was the moment at which I made the decision that it would be best to part ways, because that was an adult talking, not a giddy teen.
I'm straight woman, I know that many of the LGBTQIA books out there aren't necessarily written with me as the intended reader and that is probably the case here. But I am a reader who supports, seeks and wants to read diverse books written by marginalised voices and, as with any book I pick up, I want a story that's well written, holds my interest, invokes emotion and makes me feel. Unfortunately Alexis Hall didn't manage any of that in what I read, I'd have been happy with the holding interest but alas, it wasn't to be and on that basis it's a case of one and done.
Copy received courtesy of Riptide Publishing via NetGalley for an honest and unbiased opinion. I'm sorry I can't be more positive on this occasion.
DNF @ 15%. (Please bear in mind this is well over 400 pages).
Unfortunately Pansies didn't start well for me. Yes, my reason is personal choice, but it's something that I've commented on before and likely will again: I'm very much not a lover of local dialects being used in written speech. Usually part of my peeve is authenticity, and I want to make it clear that I can't knock Alexis Hall for this and it was like listening to my father-in-law on one of his rants, but even though it can be a welcoming dialect it's not something that works for me as a reader and, for those of you who are British, you'll know exactly what I mean when I say it was like being dropped into a scene from Auf Wiedersehen Pet.
"I just divvent gerrit."
But even when you take that away, I very much struggled with Alexis Hall's writing style generally as it just didn't flow for me; it felt childish, as did the characters, and like I was being punched by short sentences and again, that's not something that works for me.
"So, I met this guy, and he was sort of odd, but sort of sweet as well, and at first I thought he didn’t like me, but then he seemed to really like me, and then he didn’t like me again. And it turned out we went to the same school."
And this was the moment at which I made the decision that it would be best to part ways, because that was an adult talking, not a giddy teen.
I'm straight woman, I know that many of the LGBTQIA books out there aren't necessarily written with me as the intended reader and that is probably the case here. But I am a reader who supports, seeks and wants to read diverse books written by marginalised voices and, as with any book I pick up, I want a story that's well written, holds my interest, invokes emotion and makes me feel. Unfortunately Alexis Hall didn't manage any of that in what I read, I'd have been happy with the holding interest but alas, it wasn't to be and on that basis it's a case of one and done.
Copy received courtesy of Riptide Publishing via NetGalley for an honest and unbiased opinion. I'm sorry I can't be more positive on this occasion.
November 3, 2024
My first review was on October 10, 2016.
My second in October 2024.
5+++
The first page made me shiver already.
Amazing, this is poetry from the highest shelf. This book gave me goosebumps.
After Alfie flies away from his best friend's wedding he ends up in a bar.
Beside him sits a stunning beautiful young man, he offers him a drink. This drink was refused.
When Alfie leaves the bar, the young man comes after him and what follows is a hot, and sexy night. They are amazing together. And Alfie is under the spell of this young man.
Fen recognized the man who entered the bar immediately, the bully.
It's harsh to see Fen struggling with his feelings.
And ditto for Alfie who has trouble seeing reality. He is quite narrow-minded and doesn't understand himself or the world around him.
The unbalanced relationship is hard. I doubted their compatibility outside the physical side.
The characters are well-developed. Their dialogues are real and diverting.
The author has a poetical way of writing, quite impressive.
Highly recommended!
My second in October 2024.
5+++
The first page made me shiver already.
Amazing, this is poetry from the highest shelf. This book gave me goosebumps.
After Alfie flies away from his best friend's wedding he ends up in a bar.
Beside him sits a stunning beautiful young man, he offers him a drink. This drink was refused.
When Alfie leaves the bar, the young man comes after him and what follows is a hot, and sexy night. They are amazing together. And Alfie is under the spell of this young man.
Fen recognized the man who entered the bar immediately, the bully.
It's harsh to see Fen struggling with his feelings.
And ditto for Alfie who has trouble seeing reality. He is quite narrow-minded and doesn't understand himself or the world around him.
The unbalanced relationship is hard. I doubted their compatibility outside the physical side.
The characters are well-developed. Their dialogues are real and diverting.
The author has a poetical way of writing, quite impressive.
Highly recommended!
August 17, 2024
I was exhausted from work, and my head was full of cotton wool, so a great time to read one of Alexis Hall’s romances. Sometimes, a book is a much-needed distraction from daily life, and Pansies definitely delivered.
I know this is an older one, but I hadn’t read it yet, so when I found this one on NetGalley with the new cover, I immediately downloaded it.
Sweet. That’s the word that comes to mind when I think of this story, even though the underlying themes are darker. Alfie has bullied Fen in the past, and the setting in northern England is more gritty, but still, the cuteness is all over the book, and the flower shop adds even more sweetness. I really liked Fen, but I had to warm up to Alfie for a while. The moment I connected to him, though, I started to cheer the two of them on and smiled so many times.
3.5 stars rounded up to four.
Thank you, Alexis Hall, for clearing my head with this book! And thank you, Sourcebooks Casablanca, for this ARC.
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I know this is an older one, but I hadn’t read it yet, so when I found this one on NetGalley with the new cover, I immediately downloaded it.
Sweet. That’s the word that comes to mind when I think of this story, even though the underlying themes are darker. Alfie has bullied Fen in the past, and the setting in northern England is more gritty, but still, the cuteness is all over the book, and the flower shop adds even more sweetness. I really liked Fen, but I had to warm up to Alfie for a while. The moment I connected to him, though, I started to cheer the two of them on and smiled so many times.
3.5 stars rounded up to four.
Thank you, Alexis Hall, for clearing my head with this book! And thank you, Sourcebooks Casablanca, for this ARC.
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January 22, 2025
Alexis Hall has become a go-to for quirky and sentimental m4m romcoms with a twist. Sometimes the characters are easy to connect to, others they are not. Pansies, the 4th in his Spires series, presents a former school bully and his victim who reconnect years later. One recognizes the other, but not until they sleep together does the second realize who his liaison really is. Fen and Alfie have several rows but find a way to fall for one another, and it's a lovely romance... but there's a lot wrong at the core. Perhaps messy like real relationships? I enjoyed the friends and family members in this one more than the two lovers coming together. But I will eagerly await book 5 and 6 in the series, already committed by the author, revolving around side characters from prior books.
February 8, 2025
I think I would like to gently cut open my abdomen and shove this book up into my ribcage for safe keeping
October 31, 2019
Reread October 2019
What a treat! Again.
Loved Fen from the bottom of my heart. Again.
Totally adored Alfie. Again. He is just the most wonderful mix of tall and strong and shy and soft and thoughtful and confused and sweet.
All the yesses!!!
Original review:
I always loved them. So colourful and dependable. So hardy, even in the roughest climate. (And yes there is the double meaning) Such a fitting name in every way for this book.
This. Was. Absolutely, 500 percent sigh-worthy. This is the lightest Alex Hall I’ve read, but it is no less profound than some of his other books. It ticks so many of my ‘love’ boxes I lost count. And I apologize right here for rambling on. I couldn’t help myself.
1. This book is British through and through. Right from the slightly tatty seaside town, cups of tea, the ever present Northern ‘oi’ to Greggs and B&Q. Ok. Yes. It made me homesick. Bu**er it. I could virtually smell the sea air and taste Greggs' sausage rolls which remain unrivalled in this ‘whole wide world.’
2. Nostalgic – yes, it was that, too. That’s partly an age thing, I guess. But being reminded of the 1980s ‘piece de la resistance’ in cooking – “a tinfoil hedgehog skewered with cheese and pineapple pieces on cocktail sticks” , seaside amusement parks and brisk walks on a chilly beach just coaxed out lovely memories. I mean, how can you not love this .... *G*
3. Musicals – I love them. I totally get Fen on that level. I love him for loving them. It is adorable (although I full heartedly agree with Alfie about ‘Les Miserables) "Alfie was pretty sure Les Miserables hadn’t become part of his soul. But he didn’t completely hate it. Still, a bit of relief, though, when everybody was dead, which meant they’d got to the end.” Now THAT had me chuckling out loud! I couldn’t agree more!
4. Humour – Just the first scene made me laugh out loud. It kind of set the scene. And it got better. This made me smile, chuckle, giggle, snort and laugh out loud. Incredibly clever and hilarious banter. I LOVED it.
“Want some ketch up for that chip on you shoulder?”
“But the squelch (of the lube bottle) seemed fart-in-a-cathedral loud.”
“I propose a toast. To love, to sex, and to dicks. Whether we have them or whether we don’t.”
“Or whether we are them,” Kitty added.
“I don’t do DIY. I do CSE.”
“CSE?”
“Call Someone Else.”
“So Alfie could very well have a hitherto underexploited genetic predisposition towards DIY.”
(before picking a movie) “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
“The bad news?”
“They’re all musicals.”
“What’s the good news?”
Fen cringed. “Um, there isn’t any. I just wanted to try and make the bad news seem less bad.”
And please – Alfie's efforts to ‘fix’ the bathroom was one of the funniest (and truest) things I’ve read in a long time!
And then, of course there is Shelley. What a fab character! “I have issues.” A perfect beat. “With stupid people.” Her lines were cracking me up.
5. Characters – I'm pretty sure Alfie and Fen are real. They felt so real it was like knowing them intimately. Both so lonely and so messed up with so many completely different issues to resolve.
Alfie (and God forgive me, but I had to beat visions of Michael Caine and Cilla Black into submission over that name) is over 30, but only ‘discovered’ that he’s gay a couple of years earlier.
It’s something he hasn’t quite internalised. Yes, he admits to himself he likes men, likes the sex, but that doesn't mean he is gay, does it! If your eyebrows just hit the roof in horror (and yes, Alfie does spout some pretty shitty homophobic stuff, mostly to himself), you have to forgive him. And when you read this book, you will. I promise.
Because he has been drowned in preconceived idea about what being gay means. Alexis Hall makes sure we get Alfie. And his road to self-acceptance.
Of course meeting Fen who is so certain who he is when it comes to that, does push Alfie in the right direction. Awkwardly and painfully, he is the guy Alfie used to bully at school. I had no idea how that one could pan out, but it was resolved beautifully. It’s not just a case of saying ‘sorry’. The way these guys discuss and get over that issue was brilliantly done.
And you just have to love Alfie for his perseverance with ‘fixing’ things. He is the ultimate carer, ‘our Alfie is’!
As or Fen – to me, he comes across younger than his presumed age. He is a very confused, emotionally-all-over-the-place man who was completely thrown off track by a momentous event in the past. Now, he finds himself caught in an impossible situation he seems unable to change.
My heart really went out for Fen in every possible way. And the urge to bear-hug him almost killed me.
5. Romance – OMG, Alfie was slaying me with all those wonderfully sweet things he says without realizing what he is doing. I practically melted as much as Fen.
There is a LOT of toing and froing, which is due to all the issues that exist between the two men. I liked it. It felt genuine and authentic. People do that when they’re unsure, torn into pieces, emotionally raw and feeling guilty as hell. But the attraction between them was crackling with electricity, their love making beautiful, rough and sweet, tender and hot, but always deeply touching and heart-felt.
6. Language. I've always loved the way Alexis Hall expresses himself. And I have probably highlighted a quarter of Pansies, just for that. Beautiful words, evocative imagery, intelligent banter.
As this is turning into my longest review so far I decided not to quote (with difficulty). You know what I mean when you read the book! Which you should. Most definitely. You must. For all the above points and the epic character development! This is pure bliss!
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
What a treat! Again.
Loved Fen from the bottom of my heart. Again.
Totally adored Alfie. Again. He is just the most wonderful mix of tall and strong and shy and soft and thoughtful and confused and sweet.
All the yesses!!!
Original review:
I always loved them. So colourful and dependable. So hardy, even in the roughest climate. (And yes there is the double meaning) Such a fitting name in every way for this book.
This. Was. Absolutely, 500 percent sigh-worthy. This is the lightest Alex Hall I’ve read, but it is no less profound than some of his other books. It ticks so many of my ‘love’ boxes I lost count. And I apologize right here for rambling on. I couldn’t help myself.
1. This book is British through and through. Right from the slightly tatty seaside town, cups of tea, the ever present Northern ‘oi’ to Greggs and B&Q. Ok. Yes. It made me homesick. Bu**er it. I could virtually smell the sea air and taste Greggs' sausage rolls which remain unrivalled in this ‘whole wide world.’
2. Nostalgic – yes, it was that, too. That’s partly an age thing, I guess. But being reminded of the 1980s ‘piece de la resistance’ in cooking – “a tinfoil hedgehog skewered with cheese and pineapple pieces on cocktail sticks” , seaside amusement parks and brisk walks on a chilly beach just coaxed out lovely memories. I mean, how can you not love this .... *G*
3. Musicals – I love them. I totally get Fen on that level. I love him for loving them. It is adorable (although I full heartedly agree with Alfie about ‘Les Miserables) "Alfie was pretty sure Les Miserables hadn’t become part of his soul. But he didn’t completely hate it. Still, a bit of relief, though, when everybody was dead, which meant they’d got to the end.” Now THAT had me chuckling out loud! I couldn’t agree more!
4. Humour – Just the first scene made me laugh out loud. It kind of set the scene. And it got better. This made me smile, chuckle, giggle, snort and laugh out loud. Incredibly clever and hilarious banter. I LOVED it.
“Want some ketch up for that chip on you shoulder?”
“But the squelch (of the lube bottle) seemed fart-in-a-cathedral loud.”
“I propose a toast. To love, to sex, and to dicks. Whether we have them or whether we don’t.”
“Or whether we are them,” Kitty added.
“I don’t do DIY. I do CSE.”
“CSE?”
“Call Someone Else.”
“So Alfie could very well have a hitherto underexploited genetic predisposition towards DIY.”
(before picking a movie) “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
“The bad news?”
“They’re all musicals.”
“What’s the good news?”
Fen cringed. “Um, there isn’t any. I just wanted to try and make the bad news seem less bad.”
And please – Alfie's efforts to ‘fix’ the bathroom was one of the funniest (and truest) things I’ve read in a long time!
And then, of course there is Shelley. What a fab character! “I have issues.” A perfect beat. “With stupid people.” Her lines were cracking me up.
5. Characters – I'm pretty sure Alfie and Fen are real. They felt so real it was like knowing them intimately. Both so lonely and so messed up with so many completely different issues to resolve.
Alfie (and God forgive me, but I had to beat visions of Michael Caine and Cilla Black into submission over that name) is over 30, but only ‘discovered’ that he’s gay a couple of years earlier.
It’s something he hasn’t quite internalised. Yes, he admits to himself he likes men, likes the sex, but that doesn't mean he is gay, does it! If your eyebrows just hit the roof in horror (and yes, Alfie does spout some pretty shitty homophobic stuff, mostly to himself), you have to forgive him. And when you read this book, you will. I promise.
Because he has been drowned in preconceived idea about what being gay means. Alexis Hall makes sure we get Alfie. And his road to self-acceptance.
Of course meeting Fen who is so certain who he is when it comes to that, does push Alfie in the right direction. Awkwardly and painfully, he is the guy Alfie used to bully at school. I had no idea how that one could pan out, but it was resolved beautifully. It’s not just a case of saying ‘sorry’. The way these guys discuss and get over that issue was brilliantly done.
And you just have to love Alfie for his perseverance with ‘fixing’ things. He is the ultimate carer, ‘our Alfie is’!
As or Fen – to me, he comes across younger than his presumed age. He is a very confused, emotionally-all-over-the-place man who was completely thrown off track by a momentous event in the past. Now, he finds himself caught in an impossible situation he seems unable to change.
My heart really went out for Fen in every possible way. And the urge to bear-hug him almost killed me.
5. Romance – OMG, Alfie was slaying me with all those wonderfully sweet things he says without realizing what he is doing. I practically melted as much as Fen.
There is a LOT of toing and froing, which is due to all the issues that exist between the two men. I liked it. It felt genuine and authentic. People do that when they’re unsure, torn into pieces, emotionally raw and feeling guilty as hell. But the attraction between them was crackling with electricity, their love making beautiful, rough and sweet, tender and hot, but always deeply touching and heart-felt.
6. Language. I've always loved the way Alexis Hall expresses himself. And I have probably highlighted a quarter of Pansies, just for that. Beautiful words, evocative imagery, intelligent banter.
As this is turning into my longest review so far I decided not to quote (with difficulty). You know what I mean when you read the book! Which you should. Most definitely. You must. For all the above points and the epic character development! This is pure bliss!
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
Read
November 25, 201829th Annual Lambda Literary Award Finalist
DNF at 30%
Bully-to-lover-HAHAHA-ARE-YOU-FUCKIND-KIDDING-ME?!.
I have A VERY DIFFICULT relationship to the author's works.
His debut novel Glitterland belongs, FOR ME PERSONALLY, to one of the best books that MM romance genre has to offer. But all his following works didn't convince me 100%.
I admire the courage of the author to experiment and to remain true to himself, but I have to admit that his experiments were very often not my cuppa.
THIS BOOK. IS. BAD.
It is a book, I'd like to finish to give it one star. BECAUSE I HATE IT. But I can't suffer through 400 pages. I have a RL and I have other books to read, so I HAVE TO DNF IT and just leave it without rating.
1)INSTA-LOVE. THE WORST one.
2)LOOOOOOOOONG-winded plot.
3)BORING characters. And I didn't buy their relationship.
4)BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOng-winded dialogues.
5) Letters.
6)A conceited writing style.
I skimmed even through sex scenes!
I.HATE.THIS.BOOK. (Yes, I am angry and upset right now).
Maybe I'll explain all my issues with it later, but not now.
What a disappointment! :(
A lot of words about NOTHING.
P.S It's how I feel about this book, but I am in the minority. Just ignore me.
**Copy provided by the Publischer via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**
DNF at 30%
Bully-to-lover-HAHAHA-ARE-YOU-FUCKIND-KIDDING-ME?!.
I have A VERY DIFFICULT relationship to the author's works.
His debut novel Glitterland belongs, FOR ME PERSONALLY, to one of the best books that MM romance genre has to offer. But all his following works didn't convince me 100%.
I admire the courage of the author to experiment and to remain true to himself, but I have to admit that his experiments were very often not my cuppa.
THIS BOOK. IS. BAD.
It is a book, I'd like to finish to give it one star. BECAUSE I HATE IT. But I can't suffer through 400 pages. I have a RL and I have other books to read, so I HAVE TO DNF IT and just leave it without rating.
1)INSTA-LOVE. THE WORST one.
2)LOOOOOOOOONG-winded plot.
3)BORING characters. And I didn't buy their relationship.
4)BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOng-winded dialogues.
5) Letters.
6)A conceited writing style.
I skimmed even through sex scenes!
I.HATE.THIS.BOOK. (Yes, I am angry and upset right now).
Maybe I'll explain all my issues with it later, but not now.
What a disappointment! :(
A lot of words about NOTHING.
P.S It's how I feel about this book, but I am in the minority. Just ignore me.
**Copy provided by the Publischer via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**
April 29, 2025
This was my second time reading this book, and somehow I loved it even more this time around.
It’s just brilliant - messy and tender and funny and heartbreaking all at the same time.
The story is about a working-class man who comes back to his hometown and the boy he once bullied, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about identity, shame, grief, forgiveness, and trying to figure out who you are when you feel like you don’t fit anywhere. Both Alfie and Fen are such incredible characters - so flawed, so human, so easy to love and hurt for.
I have endless, endless love for Alfie Bell. His character arc is incredible, and the amount of grovelling he does so deeply satisfying (He was literally ready to stick his head into a toilet - what more can you ask for?) And Fen’s grief for his mother and the way he’s stuck between wanting to move on and not being ready yet hit me hard. It was just so real.
Also, the setting - South Shields - is honestly one of the best, most vivid settings I’ve ever read. It feels like a character in itself, and it grounds the whole story so perfectly.
This book is just Alexis Hall doing what he does best: tackling huge, painful, beautiful themes with so much humour and wit and heart. I also loved the new edition’s author connotations - they added so much, both to the story and to understanding Hall’s own connection to it.
This book is messy and real and hopeful and painful and joyful. It’s about trying to belong - to a place, to another person, to yourself. And I couldn’t have loved it more.
It’s just brilliant - messy and tender and funny and heartbreaking all at the same time.
The story is about a working-class man who comes back to his hometown and the boy he once bullied, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about identity, shame, grief, forgiveness, and trying to figure out who you are when you feel like you don’t fit anywhere. Both Alfie and Fen are such incredible characters - so flawed, so human, so easy to love and hurt for.
I have endless, endless love for Alfie Bell. His character arc is incredible, and the amount of grovelling he does so deeply satisfying (He was literally ready to stick his head into a toilet - what more can you ask for?) And Fen’s grief for his mother and the way he’s stuck between wanting to move on and not being ready yet hit me hard. It was just so real.
Also, the setting - South Shields - is honestly one of the best, most vivid settings I’ve ever read. It feels like a character in itself, and it grounds the whole story so perfectly.
This book is just Alexis Hall doing what he does best: tackling huge, painful, beautiful themes with so much humour and wit and heart. I also loved the new edition’s author connotations - they added so much, both to the story and to understanding Hall’s own connection to it.
This book is messy and real and hopeful and painful and joyful. It’s about trying to belong - to a place, to another person, to yourself. And I couldn’t have loved it more.
February 14, 2020
Audio – 5+++ Stars!
Story – 4.25 Stars!
The story was a bit wordy and a bit long winded, but Alexis Hall’s combination of humor and angst is irresistible. A truly gifted storyteller!!!
I’m not a fan of a character falling for and forgiving a past bully, but it worked for me this case. I felt that Alfie was truly remorseful, and I liked that Fen gave him a hard time at the beginning. Most of all, I loved how very affectionate they were with one another once they got over their past. I completely fell in love with Alfie and Fen as a couple!!!
Story – 4.25 Stars!
The story was a bit wordy and a bit long winded, but Alexis Hall’s combination of humor and angst is irresistible. A truly gifted storyteller!!!
I’m not a fan of a character falling for and forgiving a past bully, but it worked for me this case. I felt that Alfie was truly remorseful, and I liked that Fen gave him a hard time at the beginning. Most of all, I loved how very affectionate they were with one another once they got over their past. I completely fell in love with Alfie and Fen as a couple!!!
November 11, 2024
ARC of the rerelease received from Edelweiss, thanks!
HAPPY SIGH. 🫠
This has now become my most reread book ever, at 9 times.
Reread June *and* July 2023 via audio
Reread November 2022 via audio
I think this books gets better each time I read it. I also keep noticing things that I’ve somehow missed on previous reads?
Reread July 2022 via audio
Reread May 2022 via audio
Upon my third read of the Spires books, I can confidently say this is my favourite. I think it’s the seeing myself so much in Alfie and South Shields feeling like my own home town. I don’t think I can really add anything more to my existing review.
Reread January 2022
CW: all the internalized homophobia. Plus a fair amount of general homophobia.
OMG this book. This whole series, really. It’s all so freaking good. The writing is just beautiful, and not really like anything else Alexis Hall has written. There’s funny bits and geeky/nostalgic bits (because it wouldn’t be an AJH book without those), but on the whole this series is just so beautiful.
So, anyhoo… Pansies is set in South Shields, which is in Northern England, on the Eastern coast. The way the town is described makes it seem like a small town, but it’s really not. I googled it and I’m pretty sure it’s large enough to count as a city. It’s hard for me to pick a favourite in this series, but I think I feel the most connection with this one, I can see myself in Alfie (in general terms, not specifics). The city I grew up in is a similar size to South Shields, very working class, very conservative, and it has that small town feel to it. For a city of 80k people, I was constantly running in to people I knew, before I got married and changed my last name everyone knew who my family was because my grandfather owns a masonry business that has built all but 1 of the major buildings in the city. And from the time I was a teenager all I wanted to do was leave. And I did! And while I don’t think I could ever move back there, I have occasionally felt the pull of being somewhere so familiar, where all of my family is. Also with growing up in a conservative, small-town-feeling city of 80k, there’s also that total submersion in heteronormativity. Like, when Fen asks Alfie why it took him so long to figure out he’s gay, and Alfie tells him it’s because it was never a possibility for him. You just assume you’re the same as everyone else because everyone else assumes that you’re the same as them, and there are so few examples of anything else. There were so many times while I was reading this that I felt so sad for Alfie. That he grew up in a homophobic family, in a homophobic town, that he has so much internalized homophobia, it just kind of broke my heart. Ugh…
When I originally listened to this, there were quite a few things I missed. One of them being how Alfie’s accent gets thicker as the book goes along. I mean, it’s just what happens when you go home and are surrounded with that. I think it also shows how he’s becoming more himself when he’s back in South Shields, not trying to be someone he’s not in London.
I feel like I could go on and on about this book. And I’ve barely even said anything about Fen, who is just lovely.
The Spires series is just so incredibly good. I know they’re still quite a ways off, but I absolutely CANNOT WAIT for books 5 and 6. I need more Spires in my life and heart!
HAPPY SIGH. 🫠
This has now become my most reread book ever, at 9 times.
Reread June *and* July 2023 via audio
Reread November 2022 via audio
I think this books gets better each time I read it. I also keep noticing things that I’ve somehow missed on previous reads?
Reread July 2022 via audio
Reread May 2022 via audio
Upon my third read of the Spires books, I can confidently say this is my favourite. I think it’s the seeing myself so much in Alfie and South Shields feeling like my own home town. I don’t think I can really add anything more to my existing review.
Reread January 2022
CW: all the internalized homophobia. Plus a fair amount of general homophobia.
OMG this book. This whole series, really. It’s all so freaking good. The writing is just beautiful, and not really like anything else Alexis Hall has written. There’s funny bits and geeky/nostalgic bits (because it wouldn’t be an AJH book without those), but on the whole this series is just so beautiful.
So, anyhoo… Pansies is set in South Shields, which is in Northern England, on the Eastern coast. The way the town is described makes it seem like a small town, but it’s really not. I googled it and I’m pretty sure it’s large enough to count as a city. It’s hard for me to pick a favourite in this series, but I think I feel the most connection with this one, I can see myself in Alfie (in general terms, not specifics). The city I grew up in is a similar size to South Shields, very working class, very conservative, and it has that small town feel to it. For a city of 80k people, I was constantly running in to people I knew, before I got married and changed my last name everyone knew who my family was because my grandfather owns a masonry business that has built all but 1 of the major buildings in the city. And from the time I was a teenager all I wanted to do was leave. And I did! And while I don’t think I could ever move back there, I have occasionally felt the pull of being somewhere so familiar, where all of my family is. Also with growing up in a conservative, small-town-feeling city of 80k, there’s also that total submersion in heteronormativity. Like, when Fen asks Alfie why it took him so long to figure out he’s gay, and Alfie tells him it’s because it was never a possibility for him. You just assume you’re the same as everyone else because everyone else assumes that you’re the same as them, and there are so few examples of anything else. There were so many times while I was reading this that I felt so sad for Alfie. That he grew up in a homophobic family, in a homophobic town, that he has so much internalized homophobia, it just kind of broke my heart. Ugh…
When I originally listened to this, there were quite a few things I missed. One of them being how Alfie’s accent gets thicker as the book goes along. I mean, it’s just what happens when you go home and are surrounded with that. I think it also shows how he’s becoming more himself when he’s back in South Shields, not trying to be someone he’s not in London.
I feel like I could go on and on about this book. And I’ve barely even said anything about Fen, who is just lovely.
The Spires series is just so incredibly good. I know they’re still quite a ways off, but I absolutely CANNOT WAIT for books 5 and 6. I need more Spires in my life and heart!
October 19, 2016
4.5 stars, rounded up because I love the guys, the low-key build of the story, and the writing.
Enemies to lovers is a tough thing to write well, and particularly past childhood bully to lover. The scars of childhood bullying linger, set deep, often shaping behavior decades after they are past. It's a difficult balance to allow that to have its full impact, and yet to achieve a reconciliation that feels real. This book did a good job of having Fen pulled between his long-standing hurt and anger, and his appreciation for the man Alfie has become - a man who is trying to make amends.
I adored Alfie - he's rather clueless about people and social life (and his career success fit a bit oddly with the rest of how he is presented.) But he has a good heart, a hopeful, wistful quality to him that was believable as the thing that could win his past victim, Fen, over, eventually.
Alexis Hall writes so well, with a use of language that is flavorful and full of images. There are moments of humor, and the drama is for the most part low key, with nuanced secondary characters. A plot device near the end was not my favorite, but fit Alfie's character well enough to be workable in this case. A book I will no doubt reread.
Enemies to lovers is a tough thing to write well, and particularly past childhood bully to lover. The scars of childhood bullying linger, set deep, often shaping behavior decades after they are past. It's a difficult balance to allow that to have its full impact, and yet to achieve a reconciliation that feels real. This book did a good job of having Fen pulled between his long-standing hurt and anger, and his appreciation for the man Alfie has become - a man who is trying to make amends.
I adored Alfie - he's rather clueless about people and social life (and his career success fit a bit oddly with the rest of how he is presented.) But he has a good heart, a hopeful, wistful quality to him that was believable as the thing that could win his past victim, Fen, over, eventually.
Alexis Hall writes so well, with a use of language that is flavorful and full of images. There are moments of humor, and the drama is for the most part low key, with nuanced secondary characters. A plot device near the end was not my favorite, but fit Alfie's character well enough to be workable in this case. A book I will no doubt reread.
February 11, 2018
I'm not sure if that's the fact I'm coming back to class tomorrow after a medical leave of two weeks or just Alexis Hall's novels' effect on me, but I'm feeling oddly vulnerable tonight. Probably a little bit of both, I guess. There's just something so incredibly undoing about his works, a lingering of feelings I cannot quite name, but, really, in the end I think that I just admire him very much because he takes risks. With his characters - never thoroughly likeable, sometimes very hard to love ; his storylines that one might call plotless but that ring so fucking true, to me they're perfect ; his incredible sense of atmosphere and the care he puts in his settings. Honestly, I've yet to read a book from him that fail to create an emotional response in me. And that's pretty fucking amazing, if you ask me.
Review to come.
TW - Homoantagonism, sexism, slurs
Review to come.
TW - Homoantagonism, sexism, slurs
November 24, 2022
Yeah. So. *coughs* This book is everything. Go read it. Um, that is all.
I’m sorry but I’m weird with reviewing books by Alexis. I’m so full of love I get silly and swoony and gah… (I fear this review is gonna be long. ) This book is perfect! Pansies is even better than Glitterland, my so-far favourite contemporary, and I’ll try to tell you why now.
It’s in the big and little things. And because I have difficulties talking about the big ones (consider me still speechless), I’m gonna start small. There are these nice little sentences and exchanges throughout the whole book that either make me smile like this one:
Or sentences that hook into me, right into my heart, and blow me away with their truth and the connection I feel, because, like I always say, Alexis’ writing connects me to the world and to myself because I feel like I’m seen and that’s very precious to me.
Pansies is set in North-East England, and it’s incredible how very atmospheric it is. The roughness and vastness of it all, the sea and the harsh weather. The language. It’s omnipresent and feels like a huge loving wool blanket that is comfy in it’s simplicity and in its feeling of otherworldyness (this should be a word!). It’s like being in another place and time—which is another huge point that speaks in favour of this book. I got lost in it. I just was. There was no rush to finish, no waiting for the next book, no looking at the progress bar. That nearly never happens to me, and I think it was the first time with a contemporary book, since I have it easier to fall into another world by reading fantasy. I also don’t want to read another book ever again. I’m in this love-dazed mourning stage after you finished the loveliest thing. You just don’t want it to be over…
While Pansies covers a lot of heavy stuff—I will come to this soon—there are many hilarious scenes, too. There is this one DIY scene in which Alfie basically destroys everything. I laughed. So. Hard. I am sure I would have cried tears of laughter had I not been sitting in a public space.
Pansies actually takes on quite some heavy subjects. I think the content warning tags above might have given a clue already. But to me it didn’t feel too sad or like there was too much of it going on. Alfie and Fen both struggle with their own demons and past and it’s amazingly rewarding to see them overcome them and get better and find happiness together.
It’s fascinating how one can love one character (Alfie, from whose POV the book is written) so much and think he is a total arse at the same time. Gah. He’s really fucked up and says some really messed-up shit from time to time. But seeing where he grew up and seeing the reason for all of it, makes you just want to hug him better.
But that he does in the end; that he’s gay and still a man; that men can cry and wear what they want; that he can cook and take care of someone else; that he can accept himself even if his parents and other people don’t.
Being that Fen and Alfie share a difficult past, Fen isn’t at all pleased to see Alfie again and has a lot of understandable and confusing feelings to wade through. Their first meeting was kinda really unique and also kinda horrible.
Their story is a slow burning one; one that starts off rough and like you can’t see how they ever can be happy together, despite the strong connection they share. There is so much fun, though, too. So many smiles and laughter.
And did you see, that Fen calls him Alfie Bell? He does that so often—in a lot of nicer circumstances, too. It’s the sweetest thing. I mean, Alfie Bell and Fenimore… Gah. That’s just… Be still my heart… Um, got carried away there, sorry.
I really love how we get glimpses from Fen, too, although the story is written from Alfie’s POV. Fen writes a few letters to his mom and there’s this one episode in it, sigh…
Okay, what I think I’m trying to say is that this book is beautiful (I think they got this, Mel) and that it deals with sad stuff but is funny, too, and that it’s incredibly romantic and OH MY GOD, I didn’t even mention the sex, which is like, phew… Hot and intimate and passionate and the places are… definitely exciting. Heh :D
A few more things before I leave you. Finally.
The secondary characters are great! Real and lovely and weird and, and… Alfie’s parents, though… They make me sad. I… I cried a little. *sniff*
I think, without going into any details, that their past and overcoming it was handled exceptionally well.
And, like is mandatory in the Spires series, there is food and a recipe. And, and… The cover!!! All the hearty eyes. I think it’s perfect and really mirrors the vibe of the story as well.
Now do the thing and buy the book. I looooooooooooove Pansies and I hope you do, too.
____________________________________
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Tags: M/M, Gay and Queer Character, Small Town, North-East England, Flower Shop, Identity, New Beginnings
Content Warnings: Former Bully/Victim Relationship, Mention of Past Euthanasia/Assisted Suicide (Off-Page), Bereavement, Homophobia, Biphobia, Internalised Homophobia
Rating: 5 stars, Favourite 2016, Favourite of All Time
Blog: Review for Just Love Romance
Disclosure: I received an advanced copy of this novel in exchange for a fair and honest review. I have always been a fan of Alexis, loved every single book he has ever written, and am friends with him, too.
____________________________________
ETA: My first reread confirms: PANSIES is my favourite read of 2016 & my favourite contemporary romance. So so wonderful. I'm so in love with it. And the paperback is incredibly pretty and feels wonderful, too.
I’m sorry but I’m weird with reviewing books by Alexis. I’m so full of love I get silly and swoony and gah… (I fear this review is gonna be long. ) This book is perfect! Pansies is even better than Glitterland, my so-far favourite contemporary, and I’ll try to tell you why now.
It’s in the big and little things. And because I have difficulties talking about the big ones (consider me still speechless), I’m gonna start small. There are these nice little sentences and exchanges throughout the whole book that either make me smile like this one:
Mum always said there’s no such thing as a weed.”
“Um, what are weeds, then?”
“Flowers where you don’t expect them.”
Or sentences that hook into me, right into my heart, and blow me away with their truth and the connection I feel, because, like I always say, Alexis’ writing connects me to the world and to myself because I feel like I’m seen and that’s very precious to me.
Pansies is set in North-East England, and it’s incredible how very atmospheric it is. The roughness and vastness of it all, the sea and the harsh weather. The language. It’s omnipresent and feels like a huge loving wool blanket that is comfy in it’s simplicity and in its feeling of otherworldyness (this should be a word!). It’s like being in another place and time—which is another huge point that speaks in favour of this book. I got lost in it. I just was. There was no rush to finish, no waiting for the next book, no looking at the progress bar. That nearly never happens to me, and I think it was the first time with a contemporary book, since I have it easier to fall into another world by reading fantasy. I also don’t want to read another book ever again. I’m in this love-dazed mourning stage after you finished the loveliest thing. You just don’t want it to be over…
While Pansies covers a lot of heavy stuff—I will come to this soon—there are many hilarious scenes, too. There is this one DIY scene in which Alfie basically destroys everything. I laughed. So. Hard. I am sure I would have cried tears of laughter had I not been sitting in a public space.
Pansies actually takes on quite some heavy subjects. I think the content warning tags above might have given a clue already. But to me it didn’t feel too sad or like there was too much of it going on. Alfie and Fen both struggle with their own demons and past and it’s amazingly rewarding to see them overcome them and get better and find happiness together.
It’s fascinating how one can love one character (Alfie, from whose POV the book is written) so much and think he is a total arse at the same time. Gah. He’s really fucked up and says some really messed-up shit from time to time. But seeing where he grew up and seeing the reason for all of it, makes you just want to hug him better.
“It can be one of the most difficult things in the world, I think. To accept yourself.”
But that he does in the end; that he’s gay and still a man; that men can cry and wear what they want; that he can cook and take care of someone else; that he can accept himself even if his parents and other people don’t.
Being that Fen and Alfie share a difficult past, Fen isn’t at all pleased to see Alfie again and has a lot of understandable and confusing feelings to wade through. Their first meeting was kinda really unique and also kinda horrible.
“You’re wrong, Alfie Bell. You haven’t changed. Maybe you suck cock these days, but you’re still a coward and a bully, and that’s all you’ll ever be.”
Their story is a slow burning one; one that starts off rough and like you can’t see how they ever can be happy together, despite the strong connection they share. There is so much fun, though, too. So many smiles and laughter.
And did you see, that Fen calls him Alfie Bell? He does that so often—in a lot of nicer circumstances, too. It’s the sweetest thing. I mean, Alfie Bell and Fenimore… Gah. That’s just… Be still my heart… Um, got carried away there, sorry.
I really love how we get glimpses from Fen, too, although the story is written from Alfie’s POV. Fen writes a few letters to his mom and there’s this one episode in it, sigh…
I think Alfie Bell has decided I’m his butterfly. And some part of me desperately wants to be. I would love to be held in his hands, sheltered and made precious, especially now, when I feel so very alone.
Okay, what I think I’m trying to say is that this book is beautiful (I think they got this, Mel) and that it deals with sad stuff but is funny, too, and that it’s incredibly romantic and OH MY GOD, I didn’t even mention the sex, which is like, phew… Hot and intimate and passionate and the places are… definitely exciting. Heh :D
A few more things before I leave you. Finally.
The secondary characters are great! Real and lovely and weird and, and… Alfie’s parents, though… They make me sad. I… I cried a little. *sniff*
I think, without going into any details, that their past and overcoming it was handled exceptionally well.
And, like is mandatory in the Spires series, there is food and a recipe. And, and… The cover!!! All the hearty eyes. I think it’s perfect and really mirrors the vibe of the story as well.
Now do the thing and buy the book. I looooooooooooove Pansies and I hope you do, too.
____________________________________
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Tags: M/M, Gay and Queer Character, Small Town, North-East England, Flower Shop, Identity, New Beginnings
Content Warnings: Former Bully/Victim Relationship, Mention of Past Euthanasia/Assisted Suicide (Off-Page), Bereavement, Homophobia, Biphobia, Internalised Homophobia
Rating: 5 stars, Favourite 2016, Favourite of All Time
Blog: Review for Just Love Romance
Disclosure: I received an advanced copy of this novel in exchange for a fair and honest review. I have always been a fan of Alexis, loved every single book he has ever written, and am friends with him, too.
____________________________________
ETA: My first reread confirms: PANSIES is my favourite read of 2016 & my favourite contemporary romance. So so wonderful. I'm so in love with it. And the paperback is incredibly pretty and feels wonderful, too.
August 25, 2024
reread 08/2024
Lovely reread, although it didn't hit as fiercely as it had the first time around. Still awesome writing, though. Impressive character development and relationship development.
------------
read 09/2022
Alexis Hall is an amazing author.
This is for me one of his best books, although they are not really comparable because every book is so special and different from the others!
I loved loved loved both Alfie and Fen. How the author got me to love the former bully Alfie was really skillful.
I loved the storyline, the chemistry, the character development, everything!
5 stars.
Lovely reread, although it didn't hit as fiercely as it had the first time around. Still awesome writing, though. Impressive character development and relationship development.
------------
read 09/2022
Alexis Hall is an amazing author.
This is for me one of his best books, although they are not really comparable because every book is so special and different from the others!
I loved loved loved both Alfie and Fen. How the author got me to love the former bully Alfie was really skillful.
I loved the storyline, the chemistry, the character development, everything!
5 stars.
January 24, 2025
5 stars for the narrator! I absolutely adored that sexy Northern British accent and could happily listen to him all day. In fact without his narration I think this may have dragged for me as the flowery writing and rambling storyline, classic of Alexis Hall, does tend to grate on me a little. But I absolutely loved the character development - Fen and Alfie felt real and true and both of their character growths were marvellous. I adored the conversations Alfie had with his friends, his troubles coming to terms with his sexuality and the realness of Fen’s predicament and grief. The setting and characters were vivid in my head and the ending was just gorgeous. This was a really beautiful story and I loved it, even though a few times I was wondering when will it ever end! 4.5 stars overall.
Also this is book 4 but I’m pretty sure it can be read as a stand alone. There was nothing here that seemed at all linked to the previous books in the series
Also this is book 4 but I’m pretty sure it can be read as a stand alone. There was nothing here that seemed at all linked to the previous books in the series
Read
May 28, 2022DNF at 27%
This is a former bully romance and those rarely work for me. And here, it was just too much. Alfie wasn’t the sidekick watching his friends bully the gay kid. He was the ringleader. We’re talking shoving Fen’s head down the toilet kind of bullying. Multiple times. For years. I just can’t.
And I have to say the dialect is hard to understand at times, but I’d get over it if I liked the romance. 🤷♀️
This is a former bully romance and those rarely work for me. And here, it was just too much. Alfie wasn’t the sidekick watching his friends bully the gay kid. He was the ringleader. We’re talking shoving Fen’s head down the toilet kind of bullying. Multiple times. For years. I just can’t.
And I have to say the dialect is hard to understand at times, but I’d get over it if I liked the romance. 🤷♀️
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 20, 2024
ARC review for 2024 edition (courtesy NetGalley, thank you!)
The pure delight of the new editions of the Spires series has been revisiting characters and stories I adore with fresh eyes, rediscovering moments I have always found moving and hilarious, and being surprised by new insights from the magnificent author annotations and bonus materials (I had completely missed the Maureen/sunflower connection until this reading!) An absolute gift from the author and publisher.
Alfie Bell returns home to South Shields, England and after accidentally outing himself at a friend's wedding finds himself reuniting with someone from his past in the most unexpected of moments. Fen O'Donaghue is grieving, prickly, yet full of capacity for joy. Is this a one-night, one-week fling or something more? They stutter and stumble to find forgiveness, self acceptance and connection in the town they both wanted to escape. Hall deftly handles all the complexities with great care, gentleness, and humor. Their relationship is multilayered, intricate, and very very romantic.
I also found myself highlighting the same quotes (see below) but this one will always always crack me open: Again and again, learning those sleek lines like calligraphy, and the letter he shaped was Fen.
CW: Alexis Hall provides content guidance that is not exhaustive but may contain spoilers on website: https://quicunquevult.com/book/pansie...
Re-reading my earlier reviews of this book I am still quite besotted with it for all of the reasons expressed below. And I hugged it again. And cried. 💜
----
Original review 2021-2023: I've discovered something about my seriously chaotic rating system with this re-read. When I started doing ratings on GR, I was very hesitant to give anything 5 stars and I think it speaks more about how reluctant I am to LOVE things. I am consistently inconsistent except in my inability to accept that sometimes the things I think are good are GOOD (and this is entirely personal). When I first read Pansies last year I was holding my reader cards to my chest, hedging my bets that maybe I shouldn't give AJH 5 stars every time. But here I am bumping it up to 5 stars because I love it. Okay. I've done it.
The sense of place is so strong in Pansies and as someone with a complicated relationship to where I grew up, I love how this book explores how people's experience of their "home town" is always complicated and complex and even more so, as you change and the place changes (or doesn't). I am also very fond of a Geordie accent so wrapped myself up in the deliciousness of the dialect in this book. The complicated transformation of Alfie & Fen's relationship works for me - from Alfie's bullying of Fen in their youth, to their reunion as adults, the mutual attraction/distrust/complexities of their individual and mutually messy lives. Their relationship is multilayered, intricate, and very romantic.
And I now own a physical copy of this book, so yes I did actually hug it.
We’re all built of pieces really, the things that have happened to us and the people we love, and change is as inevitable as the tide, smoothing us into sea glass.
Alfie felt so happy and so right that his heart got huge and tight and hot.
Again and again, learning those sleek lines like calligraphy, and the letter he shaped was Fen.
The pure delight of the new editions of the Spires series has been revisiting characters and stories I adore with fresh eyes, rediscovering moments I have always found moving and hilarious, and being surprised by new insights from the magnificent author annotations and bonus materials (I had completely missed the Maureen/sunflower connection until this reading!) An absolute gift from the author and publisher.
Alfie Bell returns home to South Shields, England and after accidentally outing himself at a friend's wedding finds himself reuniting with someone from his past in the most unexpected of moments. Fen O'Donaghue is grieving, prickly, yet full of capacity for joy. Is this a one-night, one-week fling or something more? They stutter and stumble to find forgiveness, self acceptance and connection in the town they both wanted to escape. Hall deftly handles all the complexities with great care, gentleness, and humor. Their relationship is multilayered, intricate, and very very romantic.
I also found myself highlighting the same quotes (see below) but this one will always always crack me open: Again and again, learning those sleek lines like calligraphy, and the letter he shaped was Fen.
CW: Alexis Hall provides content guidance that is not exhaustive but may contain spoilers on website: https://quicunquevult.com/book/pansie...
Re-reading my earlier reviews of this book I am still quite besotted with it for all of the reasons expressed below. And I hugged it again. And cried. 💜
----
Original review 2021-2023: I've discovered something about my seriously chaotic rating system with this re-read. When I started doing ratings on GR, I was very hesitant to give anything 5 stars and I think it speaks more about how reluctant I am to LOVE things. I am consistently inconsistent except in my inability to accept that sometimes the things I think are good are GOOD (and this is entirely personal). When I first read Pansies last year I was holding my reader cards to my chest, hedging my bets that maybe I shouldn't give AJH 5 stars every time. But here I am bumping it up to 5 stars because I love it. Okay. I've done it.
The sense of place is so strong in Pansies and as someone with a complicated relationship to where I grew up, I love how this book explores how people's experience of their "home town" is always complicated and complex and even more so, as you change and the place changes (or doesn't). I am also very fond of a Geordie accent so wrapped myself up in the deliciousness of the dialect in this book. The complicated transformation of Alfie & Fen's relationship works for me - from Alfie's bullying of Fen in their youth, to their reunion as adults, the mutual attraction/distrust/complexities of their individual and mutually messy lives. Their relationship is multilayered, intricate, and very romantic.
And I now own a physical copy of this book, so yes I did actually hug it.
We’re all built of pieces really, the things that have happened to us and the people we love, and change is as inevitable as the tide, smoothing us into sea glass.
Alfie felt so happy and so right that his heart got huge and tight and hot.
Again and again, learning those sleek lines like calligraphy, and the letter he shaped was Fen.
July 2, 2022
I have avoided reading this gem because of the bully trope. No, I am not entirely against the trope and have indeed read and enjoyed some other books with it in the past. But, I should have known better because you forget everything about the trope once you start reading Alexis Hall. He has such a beautiful way of writing characters that I just couldn't hate Alfie for his childhood bullying.
I liked that the focus was more on the present relationship and not on the past. And, the discussion of grief was handled quite well.
Definitely my favourite book by the author after For Real.
P.S- Love the Cornell Collin`s Cockney accent.😍😍
I liked that the focus was more on the present relationship and not on the past. And, the discussion of grief was handled quite well.
Definitely my favourite book by the author after For Real.
P.S- Love the Cornell Collin`s Cockney accent.😍😍
November 26, 2018
I left my MM mystery-hole for this book, and boy am I glad I did!
So Alfie is a 30 yo brilliant, but clueless character. He works in finance in London, he only realised two years ago that he is gay, and he's sort of estranged from his family after coming out.
His best friend is getting married, and Alfie finds himself back in the wee town in northern England where he's from, in a melancholy mood.
He ends up coming out to the whole party in a spectacular fashion, and I was laughing my head off. Great start to a great story.
Alfie leaves the party, and ends up at a pub, where he lays eyes on Fen. Alfie hits on him, and ends up taking Fen to his hotel (even though it is clear, that all is not straight forward).
Fen is prickly and mean and all-over the place, and when he leaves, he drops a BOMB on Alfie. Turns out that Alfie bullied and tormented Fen, for years, in school.
What follows is a brilliant second-chance romance, WITH grovelling! Halle-lu-jah!
Alfie doesn't get Fen's issues with him in the beginning, like: why can't Fen just forget about it and move on? But as the story unfolds Alfie grows as a person, and it is beautiful to witness!
Alexis has written a heartfelt, amazing, gripping story of personal development, acceptance and second chances.
His descriptions of the English countryside and the characters of this book were flowery and just on the right side of enough. This is a 'wordy' book, yes, but the humour and pace of the story carried me through with a minimum amount of being overwhelmed.
Also I loved his (= the MC's) insights and thoughts in regards to second chances, family and growth. One does not simply forget about years of torment, and then move on -IMO.
I have been complaining about the lack of understanding, grovelling and choosing to leave the 'family' behind when they are acting horrible in a LOT of my other reviews, but this one spoke to almost all of my personal beliefs.
Another plus was the secondary characters like Greg and Kitty. Boy, oh boy, they were great, and I felt that they provided a great sounding board for Alfie, when he was being TOO daft.
And the smexy times... Thank you! They were evenly spread out through the story, they were descriptive and they were HOT!
The reason this is not a clear 5 star read, is the epilogue and the (sometimes) unclear relationship between Alfie and Fen, and Alfie and his parents.
I would have loved for the epilogue to have been further down the road, for a true HEA.
Also I had some trouble, once in a while, understanding the parameters for Alfie and Fen's relationship. I actually thought they had decided to give it a REAL long-term shot, when it was suddenly pointed out that they had an expiration date, a few weeks later.
I don't know how, but I missed that 'discussion' or didn't understand it or something.
And lastly I wanted Alfie to tell his parents off, just once! He had such an amazing journey, and he grew as a person, but I really needed him, to tell them, to shove their antiquated ideas where 'the sun don't shine'.
The rest though, the rest brought me back to a small English town near the Scottish border, where pubs and nature and weird, but great, characters are found in abundance!
Beautiful, heart-warming story, that will definitely be read again.
So Alfie is a 30 yo brilliant, but clueless character. He works in finance in London, he only realised two years ago that he is gay, and he's sort of estranged from his family after coming out.
His best friend is getting married, and Alfie finds himself back in the wee town in northern England where he's from, in a melancholy mood.
He ends up coming out to the whole party in a spectacular fashion, and I was laughing my head off. Great start to a great story.
Alfie leaves the party, and ends up at a pub, where he lays eyes on Fen. Alfie hits on him, and ends up taking Fen to his hotel (even though it is clear, that all is not straight forward).
Fen is prickly and mean and all-over the place, and when he leaves, he drops a BOMB on Alfie. Turns out that Alfie bullied and tormented Fen, for years, in school.
What follows is a brilliant second-chance romance, WITH grovelling! Halle-lu-jah!
Alfie doesn't get Fen's issues with him in the beginning, like: why can't Fen just forget about it and move on? But as the story unfolds Alfie grows as a person, and it is beautiful to witness!
Alexis has written a heartfelt, amazing, gripping story of personal development, acceptance and second chances.
His descriptions of the English countryside and the characters of this book were flowery and just on the right side of enough. This is a 'wordy' book, yes, but the humour and pace of the story carried me through with a minimum amount of being overwhelmed.
Also I loved his (= the MC's) insights and thoughts in regards to second chances, family and growth. One does not simply forget about years of torment, and then move on -IMO.
I have been complaining about the lack of understanding, grovelling and choosing to leave the 'family' behind when they are acting horrible in a LOT of my other reviews, but this one spoke to almost all of my personal beliefs.
Another plus was the secondary characters like Greg and Kitty. Boy, oh boy, they were great, and I felt that they provided a great sounding board for Alfie, when he was being TOO daft.
And the smexy times... Thank you! They were evenly spread out through the story, they were descriptive and they were HOT!
The reason this is not a clear 5 star read, is the epilogue and the (sometimes) unclear relationship between Alfie and Fen, and Alfie and his parents.
I would have loved for the epilogue to have been further down the road, for a true HEA.
Also I had some trouble, once in a while, understanding the parameters for Alfie and Fen's relationship. I actually thought they had decided to give it a REAL long-term shot, when it was suddenly pointed out that they had an expiration date, a few weeks later.
I don't know how, but I missed that 'discussion' or didn't understand it or something.
And lastly I wanted Alfie to tell his parents off, just once! He had such an amazing journey, and he grew as a person, but I really needed him, to tell them, to shove their antiquated ideas where 'the sun don't shine'.
The rest though, the rest brought me back to a small English town near the Scottish border, where pubs and nature and weird, but great, characters are found in abundance!
Beautiful, heart-warming story, that will definitely be read again.
April 16, 2017
Tough to rate : will go with 3 stars (please, don’t “tomato” me : remember that bullying is not nice !).
Why more than 2 stars ? Because I read it in a row and never felt bored. I also enjoyed all the Britishness of this book. And there were some nice feelings and moments and some funny situations and dialogs.
Why no more than 3 stars ? I never fully click with the characters, nor the story and let say it, the writing style. And to be honest, I oscillated between thinking the characters were in their early twenties and then in their thirties.
I felt I missed a lot in understanding the characters, like it was starting to be explored but then not, leaving me with a lot of guessing to do on my own. Like, how to reconcile Alfie, the bullying guy saving a butterfly and Alfie, the nice block. Like how to reconcile Alfie, gay, and Alfie, homophobic. And what about Alfie's relationship with his family (and even Fen’s relationship with his father).
I also felt like I read the half of 2 stories about Fen : the beginning of the story about the bullying and the ending of another story about Fen’s grieving of his mom.
Nice HEA though, and I was glad for Alfie and Fen.
PS : Thank you, Ariana, for this nice gift !!!
Why more than 2 stars ? Because I read it in a row and never felt bored. I also enjoyed all the Britishness of this book. And there were some nice feelings and moments and some funny situations and dialogs.
Why no more than 3 stars ? I never fully click with the characters, nor the story and let say it, the writing style. And to be honest, I oscillated between thinking the characters were in their early twenties and then in their thirties.
I felt I missed a lot in understanding the characters, like it was starting to be explored but then not, leaving me with a lot of guessing to do on my own. Like, how to reconcile Alfie, the bullying guy saving a butterfly and Alfie, the nice block. Like how to reconcile Alfie, gay, and Alfie, homophobic. And what about Alfie's relationship with his family (and even Fen’s relationship with his father).
I also felt like I read the half of 2 stories about Fen : the beginning of the story about the bullying and the ending of another story about Fen’s grieving of his mom.
Nice HEA though, and I was glad for Alfie and Fen.
PS : Thank you, Ariana, for this nice gift !!!
February 17, 2017
This book encapsulates all my favorite things about AJH's writing. If you're not a fan of the Spires books, you might not love this, but I adore the flowery, descriptive writing. The characters were flawed but lovable, and at times a little subversive. This is a somewhat quiet romance, which I like. The conflict that arises isn't due to an over the top plot, it's just about people being human, making mistakes, and growing. Witty, charming, and romantic. Definitely recommend.
August 8, 2022
Pansies is what you get when Richard Siken's "Crush" and Bruce Springsteen's mid to late 70s albums make sweet sweet love by the Tyne (that's clearly the river in the name of Bruce's 1980 song/album) and their union is blessed with a little Geordie baby. And then Lana Del Rey sings Video Games over the baby's cradle.
(Sourcebooks feel free to hire me to do the promo for the new edition, I am evidently a marketing wiz of the highest order and none of my references are obscure)
Look, for me personally the romance bit of this book would be a solid 4 star read. I mean it's Alexis Hall, so it's obviously well-written, funny, thoughtful, poignant, the works - but something just didn't fully click for me. Maybe it felt like we didn't get to spend nearly enough time with Fen so he was relegated more to the "dream boy" role? Maybe I never fully recovered from the third act conflict? (I won't go into spoilers but just let it be known that I thoroughly dislike the third act conflict as a romance structure beat.) Maybe instalove is just not my cuppa? Either way, on the strength of the romance alone, this would have been a pure 4 star read.
But- but-
ALFIE.
So after much deliberation it is a 5-star read (4.5 to be more precise), on account of my boy Alfie Identity Struggles Bell. And you, gentle reader, will now be treated to a ridiculously long essay on why Pansies' depiction of Alfie Bell is THE character exploration of masculinity, queerness, working class and regional identity. Good? Good.
So. We meet our boy Alfie on his best mate Kev's wedding in South Shields, where they both grew up. Alfie has been living and working in London (and making A LOT of money), he's so used to code-switching that his accent (initially) sounds a lot posher than the rest of the folks at the reception, and he's gay. But he only figured out he was gay like a year or two ago, and he's not even thirty yet.
So Alfie's this big strapping Northern lad, socialized in a working-class environment, convinced for most of his life he was a red-blooded heterosexual... and now he is living the life of a rich gay southern banker. But that "work hard-play hard" City lifestyle also clashes with what he wants out of life (a partner to protect and care for, kids, domestic bliss), which is shaped as much by his personality and desires as by his upbringing.
In short, Alfie feels like he is neither fish nor fowl.
Now, the novel's set-up (rich business person goes back to their home town, is forced to re-evaluate their lifestyle and priorities after experiencing a profound connection with the local baker/beekeeper/florist/rancher/farmer) is clearly the stuff of a certain kind of low-budget Hallmark TV movie. What Hall does is: a) makes the rich business person rediscovering the joys of domesticity a man and b) forces the protagonist to reframe his own upbringing and youth to see how a person with so much internalized homophobia and very strong feelings about How Men Behave(TM) can even begin to build domesticity.
And this produces so many interesting conflicts (even though some of them are downright painful: see my comments on 3rd act conflict above). Because the partner he wants to have this life with does not have Alfie's hangups - Fen has always been very visibly queer (so much so that in school he got mercilessly bullied, by Alfie among other people!!); for him, there is no code-switching, no doubting, no overcoming lowkey toxic ideals of masculinity. Fen was a bullied queer kid from the North who got out, got himself a great life down South, and only went back because his family needed him. Alfie is the one who was...basically great at being a Proper Lad, had the most normative possible working-class male socialization, did everything right - and now has no idea who he is or how to live his life. And that makes him a FASCINATING protagonist. (And just on a personal note, very relatable. Not that I have a similar background/life story, but Hall's depiction of a person who is kinda neither here nor there, and feels like there are these different versions of them existing in different places is just...oof. Been there, bestie!)
So. Pansies is very good. You should read it while streaming either Bruce Springsteen or Alexis Hall's Pansies playlist. Or Lana Del Rey. Case closed.
(Sourcebooks feel free to hire me to do the promo for the new edition, I am evidently a marketing wiz of the highest order and none of my references are obscure)
Look, for me personally the romance bit of this book would be a solid 4 star read. I mean it's Alexis Hall, so it's obviously well-written, funny, thoughtful, poignant, the works - but something just didn't fully click for me. Maybe it felt like we didn't get to spend nearly enough time with Fen so he was relegated more to the "dream boy" role? Maybe I never fully recovered from the third act conflict? (I won't go into spoilers but just let it be known that I thoroughly dislike the third act conflict as a romance structure beat.) Maybe instalove is just not my cuppa? Either way, on the strength of the romance alone, this would have been a pure 4 star read.
But- but-
ALFIE.
So after much deliberation it is a 5-star read (4.5 to be more precise), on account of my boy Alfie Identity Struggles Bell. And you, gentle reader, will now be treated to a ridiculously long essay on why Pansies' depiction of Alfie Bell is THE character exploration of masculinity, queerness, working class and regional identity. Good? Good.
So. We meet our boy Alfie on his best mate Kev's wedding in South Shields, where they both grew up. Alfie has been living and working in London (and making A LOT of money), he's so used to code-switching that his accent (initially) sounds a lot posher than the rest of the folks at the reception, and he's gay. But he only figured out he was gay like a year or two ago, and he's not even thirty yet.
So Alfie's this big strapping Northern lad, socialized in a working-class environment, convinced for most of his life he was a red-blooded heterosexual... and now he is living the life of a rich gay southern banker. But that "work hard-play hard" City lifestyle also clashes with what he wants out of life (a partner to protect and care for, kids, domestic bliss), which is shaped as much by his personality and desires as by his upbringing.
In short, Alfie feels like he is neither fish nor fowl.
Now, the novel's set-up (rich business person goes back to their home town, is forced to re-evaluate their lifestyle and priorities after experiencing a profound connection with the local baker/beekeeper/florist/rancher/farmer) is clearly the stuff of a certain kind of low-budget Hallmark TV movie. What Hall does is: a) makes the rich business person rediscovering the joys of domesticity a man and b) forces the protagonist to reframe his own upbringing and youth to see how a person with so much internalized homophobia and very strong feelings about How Men Behave(TM) can even begin to build domesticity.
And this produces so many interesting conflicts (even though some of them are downright painful: see my comments on 3rd act conflict above). Because the partner he wants to have this life with does not have Alfie's hangups - Fen has always been very visibly queer (so much so that in school he got mercilessly bullied, by Alfie among other people!!); for him, there is no code-switching, no doubting, no overcoming lowkey toxic ideals of masculinity. Fen was a bullied queer kid from the North who got out, got himself a great life down South, and only went back because his family needed him. Alfie is the one who was...basically great at being a Proper Lad, had the most normative possible working-class male socialization, did everything right - and now has no idea who he is or how to live his life. And that makes him a FASCINATING protagonist. (And just on a personal note, very relatable. Not that I have a similar background/life story, but Hall's depiction of a person who is kinda neither here nor there, and feels like there are these different versions of them existing in different places is just...oof. Been there, bestie!)
So. Pansies is very good. You should read it while streaming either Bruce Springsteen or Alexis Hall's Pansies playlist. Or Lana Del Rey. Case closed.
Read
November 25, 2018
I am heartbroken that I'm DNFing an Alexis Hall book. I am heartbroken that I got to 50% and realized I don't like the MCs. Everything takes just too long, the romance, the dialogue, the plot, the character development.
It may not be the right time for me to read this. I may come back to it later.
For now I'm gonna DNF at 50% and crawl in a deep, dark hole. I'm sorry Alexis. I still love you and your writing!
November 29, 2024
It's rough at the start,
to like Alfie Bell. Not Fen.
He always knew him.
Rerelease reread:
Still 5 stars, but I didn’t love it quite so much the 2nd time. I’m less interested in redeemed bullies and queerphobia now than in 2022. And I really wanted a stronger acknowledgment in the annotations that huge chunks of both BM and HM were worked through here first. And… the connection to Oxford’s spires is so oblique as to question its position in the series.
to like Alfie Bell. Not Fen.
He always knew him.
Rerelease reread:
Still 5 stars, but I didn’t love it quite so much the 2nd time. I’m less interested in redeemed bullies and queerphobia now than in 2022. And I really wanted a stronger acknowledgment in the annotations that huge chunks of both BM and HM were worked through here first. And… the connection to Oxford’s spires is so oblique as to question its position in the series.
December 17, 2025
The first love scene is one of the most harrowing experiences I've had in a while. When Hall is good, he is really good.
So basically, the book is all in Alfie's perspective, and he's a macho investment banker, still fresh in his baby gay phase, who's returned to South Shields for a wedding. He's feeling this sort of acute discomfort being back home in such a different context, so he goes to a pub to unwind and tries to pick up this cute guy. This guy's reaction is exceedingly hostile, and Alfie is baffled and a little embarrassed.
What you can guess by reading the back cover is that this is Fen, the boy Alfie used to bully at school for being queer. Alfie doesn't recognize him!
Anyway, Fen goes back to Alfie's hotel and they have sex, and the way this scene was written makes me want to cry! Even though we are not getting Fen's point of view, Hall makes it very clear what the stakes are for him: how he's trying to hurt himself and please himself at the same time. It's heavy stuff, beautiful work.
The rest of the book doesn't quite live up to this high point and it meanders at times, but I was still very charmed by Alfie and Fen. The beginning of this book is so goddamn special to me. Five stars. Five million stars.
So basically, the book is all in Alfie's perspective, and he's a macho investment banker, still fresh in his baby gay phase, who's returned to South Shields for a wedding. He's feeling this sort of acute discomfort being back home in such a different context, so he goes to a pub to unwind and tries to pick up this cute guy. This guy's reaction is exceedingly hostile, and Alfie is baffled and a little embarrassed.
What you can guess by reading the back cover is that this is Fen, the boy Alfie used to bully at school for being queer. Alfie doesn't recognize him!
Anyway, Fen goes back to Alfie's hotel and they have sex, and the way this scene was written makes me want to cry! Even though we are not getting Fen's point of view, Hall makes it very clear what the stakes are for him: how he's trying to hurt himself and please himself at the same time. It's heavy stuff, beautiful work.
The rest of the book doesn't quite live up to this high point and it meanders at times, but I was still very charmed by Alfie and Fen. The beginning of this book is so goddamn special to me. Five stars. Five million stars.
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February 16, 2024I’m on a roll: again, a dnf, this time around 30%
I’m beginning to think this might be a reading slump 😅
As for the book: it’s hit and miss for me with books by Alexis Hall. And while this wasn’t bad by any means, I just… couldn’t get into it.
This book isn’t on KU, so I had to decide whether to get the audio or the ebook - and I went for the audio, knowing that I liked Cornell Collins in the past. Here, I doubt it was the right call for me - the occasional heavy “northerner” accent made it hard for me to understand some dialogues, and while I’m sure that if you’re from England, you’d enjoy (and understand) it a lot more, for me it meant listening to some parts again and again.
Then there’s the “bully to lover” trope. I’ve read my share of bully romances, but Alfie Bell was one of the really mean ones: going after the much smaller, gay Fen FOR YEARS with his cronies, for no apparent reason at all, and then conveniently forgetting all about it when he found out he’s gay himself - not cool. Not cool at all.
And then coming after Fen again, this time because he’s infatuated, and he wants to make amends, despite Fen being less than enthused at the beginning.
Fen. Sweet Fen. Just… falling on his back, showing his soft underbelly to his former nemesis.
I don’t get it.
And while I liked this author’s typical, very English brand of humour, I’m more annoyed than in love with both MCs.
Calling it quits at 30%, seeing that I still have around 7h of listening ahead of me (ahead listened to 5) and I don’t think I care enough for it to continue.
I’m beginning to think this might be a reading slump 😅
As for the book: it’s hit and miss for me with books by Alexis Hall. And while this wasn’t bad by any means, I just… couldn’t get into it.
This book isn’t on KU, so I had to decide whether to get the audio or the ebook - and I went for the audio, knowing that I liked Cornell Collins in the past. Here, I doubt it was the right call for me - the occasional heavy “northerner” accent made it hard for me to understand some dialogues, and while I’m sure that if you’re from England, you’d enjoy (and understand) it a lot more, for me it meant listening to some parts again and again.
Then there’s the “bully to lover” trope. I’ve read my share of bully romances, but Alfie Bell was one of the really mean ones: going after the much smaller, gay Fen FOR YEARS with his cronies, for no apparent reason at all, and then conveniently forgetting all about it when he found out he’s gay himself - not cool. Not cool at all.
And then coming after Fen again, this time because he’s infatuated, and he wants to make amends, despite Fen being less than enthused at the beginning.
Fen. Sweet Fen. Just… falling on his back, showing his soft underbelly to his former nemesis.
I don’t get it.
And while I liked this author’s typical, very English brand of humour, I’m more annoyed than in love with both MCs.
Calling it quits at 30%, seeing that I still have around 7h of listening ahead of me (ahead listened to 5) and I don’t think I care enough for it to continue.
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