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The Life and Loves of a He Devil
Revealing, moving, and hilarious, Graham Norton tells the story of his life through the things he loves in a brand new memoir
Graham Norton has been entertaining audiences and having fun with some of the world's biggest stars for nearly 20 years. He is loved for his delight in the peculiar and for his ability to find humor and a common ground in all that life brings. Here is Graham's funny and honest memoir on the theme of love. As he shows, it's really the things you love that make you who you are and so Graham tells his story from his Irish childhood to the present day, describing just what and who he loved—and sometimes lost—as a young boy, and his new loves and obsessions—big and small—as he's grown older. It's been 10 years since his last book and being a decade older Graham has come to realize that what makes a life interesting is less what happens to you and more what inspires and drives you, what you love. From Dolly Parton and dogs to wine and Ireland, Graham tells of his life and loves with characteristic humor and outrageous candor.
Graham Norton has been entertaining audiences and having fun with some of the world's biggest stars for nearly 20 years. He is loved for his delight in the peculiar and for his ability to find humor and a common ground in all that life brings. Here is Graham's funny and honest memoir on the theme of love. As he shows, it's really the things you love that make you who you are and so Graham tells his story from his Irish childhood to the present day, describing just what and who he loved—and sometimes lost—as a young boy, and his new loves and obsessions—big and small—as he's grown older. It's been 10 years since his last book and being a decade older Graham has come to realize that what makes a life interesting is less what happens to you and more what inspires and drives you, what you love. From Dolly Parton and dogs to wine and Ireland, Graham tells of his life and loves with characteristic humor and outrageous candor.
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First published April 1, 2014
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About the author
Graham Norton
39 books2,736 followersGraham William Walker is an Irish actor, comedian, television presenter and columnist, known by his stage name Graham Norton. He is the host of the comedy chat show The Graham Norton Show and the BBC commentator of the Eurovision Song Contest.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 496 reviews
December 13, 2023
I've just read Norton's autobiography for the second time and both times I enjoyed it - even more so the second time. He's outspoken, funny, crude, perceptive, sensitive and honest. I couldn't help but find him endearing and no wonder he's such a fabulous chat show host.
He's very good at getting to the nub of situations - including his own frailties. These include things like his squirming adoration of Madonna, who seems impervious to his efforts at friendship, his various efforts to have romantic relationships, which didn't end in any sort of long-term success, and the fact his big break on television came from being the sidekick on a late-night quiz called Carnal Knowledge.
In this book he's adoring, kind and cruel to the rich and famous, which makes me feel mean for laughing at his more bitchy comments. But I did laugh, and often those comments were very bitchy.
Strangely enough he has also taken on the unexpected role of being agony aunt for The Daily Telegraph newspaper - and even more strangely, I suspect he does it extremely well. He is a very entertaining and funny writer, but he also obviously feels strongly for the predicaments that the readers of his column find themselves in. He is far from being just a cynical observer. He says when he started the column the letters were fairly light (as surely they would be if you were writing to Graham Norton) and his replies were fairly jokey - but over the last eight years the column has morphed into something very different, and he now often addresses situations that are much more challenging. From the one example that he gave in the book he sounds really thoughtful and supportive. Miles away from the outrageous ringmaster we see on television.
Finally, he also got his own radio show - and he loved it. "As we begin our fifth year, the audiences are at an all-time high and we even got some sort of bronze award that in the right light can look like gold."
He talks about the difference between his television and his radio show:
Most of all he enjoyed his interactions with the listeners.
I shall end with a tip. If you see Norton in the street, probably best not to request a selfie with him.
"Actually, I have nothing against camera phones as such - it is the people who attempt to use them that make me want to rip them out of their hands and stamp on them like a cowboy trying to put out a fire."
I very seldom read a book twice - the fact I did so with this book, and enjoyed it tremendously on both occasions says a lot about it's pleasure quotient.
He's very good at getting to the nub of situations - including his own frailties. These include things like his squirming adoration of Madonna, who seems impervious to his efforts at friendship, his various efforts to have romantic relationships, which didn't end in any sort of long-term success, and the fact his big break on television came from being the sidekick on a late-night quiz called Carnal Knowledge.
In this book he's adoring, kind and cruel to the rich and famous, which makes me feel mean for laughing at his more bitchy comments. But I did laugh, and often those comments were very bitchy.
Strangely enough he has also taken on the unexpected role of being agony aunt for The Daily Telegraph newspaper - and even more strangely, I suspect he does it extremely well. He is a very entertaining and funny writer, but he also obviously feels strongly for the predicaments that the readers of his column find themselves in. He is far from being just a cynical observer. He says when he started the column the letters were fairly light (as surely they would be if you were writing to Graham Norton) and his replies were fairly jokey - but over the last eight years the column has morphed into something very different, and he now often addresses situations that are much more challenging. From the one example that he gave in the book he sounds really thoughtful and supportive. Miles away from the outrageous ringmaster we see on television.
Finally, he also got his own radio show - and he loved it. "As we begin our fifth year, the audiences are at an all-time high and we even got some sort of bronze award that in the right light can look like gold."
He talks about the difference between his television and his radio show:
Interviewing one of my guests on the radio, I am handed an A4 piece of paper with some biographical facts, which I read during the record before we start our chat. If it goes well, wonderful; if it is a little stilted, let's play some more music. For the television how, however, the researchers provide a twenty-page document for each guest and almost two days is spend weaving the questions and anecdotes together for the studio recording."
Most of all he enjoyed his interactions with the listeners.
I shall end with a tip. If you see Norton in the street, probably best not to request a selfie with him.
"Actually, I have nothing against camera phones as such - it is the people who attempt to use them that make me want to rip them out of their hands and stamp on them like a cowboy trying to put out a fire."
I very seldom read a book twice - the fact I did so with this book, and enjoyed it tremendously on both occasions says a lot about it's pleasure quotient.
May 27, 2015
An amazing read. I picked it up because I enjoy watching his talk show, because I think he’s funny but not in a silly way, because I’ve read a pretty insightful interview with him a while back... and because I got the hardcover at a good bargain price :-) I didn’t know what to expect from a book that goes by the title of “The Life and Loves of a He Devil” but let me tell you, it’s funny, sad, ridiculous, wise, disgusting, entertaining, and it will give you some food for thought, too.
I’ve liked him for quite a while and his bio is well written and very entertaining but he got me with the following:
[...] There have been various attempts at relationships but nothing has lasted very long. [...] They have all drifted in and out of my life. I never blame myself but it is glaringly obvious that I am the common denominator in all these failed relationships. I have to ask myself if I really want the ‘happy ever after’ and the answer seems to be no. I like having someone around who will come out for dinner, go for holidays and even have the occasional fumble in the bedroom but I’m not sure I’m built for sharing my entire life and heart. Being with someone should double your joy and yet I find it halved. Nor is being alone something I fear; in fact, when offered the choice, I seem to embrace it. [...] I must admit I feel fairly content being solo. I’m not pretending being alone makes me ecstatically happy but I’m not sad, and that already seems like quite a lot in life.(Taken from the chapter “Men”)
These words are like cool linen on a very sore spot. Sore, not because I keep scratching it but others do by constantly telling me that one day, oh yes, one day I will find The One and then I, too, will ride into the sunset. And I should get my arse outside and start looking for him now because really, all this being single is not healthy.
Well, the above paragraph alone made picking up the book worth my while, and for that, I want to kiss Graham Norton. There's a lot more good and wise insights on a variety of topics (friendship, gratitude, family, life's priorities) but this one stuck.
Not your usual celeb bio. Go + pick it up. It's worth it.
I’ve liked him for quite a while and his bio is well written and very entertaining but he got me with the following:
[...] There have been various attempts at relationships but nothing has lasted very long. [...] They have all drifted in and out of my life. I never blame myself but it is glaringly obvious that I am the common denominator in all these failed relationships. I have to ask myself if I really want the ‘happy ever after’ and the answer seems to be no. I like having someone around who will come out for dinner, go for holidays and even have the occasional fumble in the bedroom but I’m not sure I’m built for sharing my entire life and heart. Being with someone should double your joy and yet I find it halved. Nor is being alone something I fear; in fact, when offered the choice, I seem to embrace it. [...] I must admit I feel fairly content being solo. I’m not pretending being alone makes me ecstatically happy but I’m not sad, and that already seems like quite a lot in life.(Taken from the chapter “Men”)
These words are like cool linen on a very sore spot. Sore, not because I keep scratching it but others do by constantly telling me that one day, oh yes, one day I will find The One and then I, too, will ride into the sunset. And I should get my arse outside and start looking for him now because really, all this being single is not healthy.
Well, the above paragraph alone made picking up the book worth my while, and for that, I want to kiss Graham Norton. There's a lot more good and wise insights on a variety of topics (friendship, gratitude, family, life's priorities) but this one stuck.
Not your usual celeb bio. Go + pick it up. It's worth it.
February 12, 2024
Feb 11, 1050am ~~ Review asap.
625pm ~~ This second title in my Graham Norton mini marathon is his second memoir, but it is not set up in the classic linear fashion. Instead each chapter talks about how certain topics touched his life: Dogs, Ireland, New York, Divas, etc.
I liked the approach, because the author still managed to give me a sense of who he was and how his life progressed from point a to point b over the years. For me the book felt quite friendly, and left me liking GN even more than I already did, although I could have gone all day without reading a few of the messier details in the chapter on Wine!
Next up I am heading off to Ireland to sample Norton's first fiction title, a mystery called Holding, published in 2016.
625pm ~~ This second title in my Graham Norton mini marathon is his second memoir, but it is not set up in the classic linear fashion. Instead each chapter talks about how certain topics touched his life: Dogs, Ireland, New York, Divas, etc.
I liked the approach, because the author still managed to give me a sense of who he was and how his life progressed from point a to point b over the years. For me the book felt quite friendly, and left me liking GN even more than I already did, although I could have gone all day without reading a few of the messier details in the chapter on Wine!
Next up I am heading off to Ireland to sample Norton's first fiction title, a mystery called Holding, published in 2016.
October 30, 2014
I like Graham Norton but there's always a risk with anything autobiographical that it will all come tumbling down, so I was slightly worried about reading this - what if I ended up never able to watch Eurovision again?
Luckily Graham didn't let me down. His stories are funny and moving and above all interesting, even the ones that involve vomit-covered socks. Some of the stories are, in fact, very ordinary - lots of people can tell a tale about falling asleep on the night bus or falling in love with the wrong man. But they don't tell the tale like he does and, more to the point, he has lots of other extraordinary tales to tell as well. After all, it's not everybody who has floated down a river singing with Dolly Parton, is it?
Credit also to Graham for suggesting those of us who don't 'get' dogs should flick forward to the next chapter. Of course, I didn't, and having read this chapter I do now 'get' dogs in a way I didn't before. I'm not going to rush out and adopt one, but I can now understand why people get so attached to them despite the poo.
My only gripe has to be the half-dozen or so typographical errors, mainly missing or poor punctuation. Sort it out for the next print run, please (I'm happy to help).
Luckily Graham didn't let me down. His stories are funny and moving and above all interesting, even the ones that involve vomit-covered socks. Some of the stories are, in fact, very ordinary - lots of people can tell a tale about falling asleep on the night bus or falling in love with the wrong man. But they don't tell the tale like he does and, more to the point, he has lots of other extraordinary tales to tell as well. After all, it's not everybody who has floated down a river singing with Dolly Parton, is it?
Credit also to Graham for suggesting those of us who don't 'get' dogs should flick forward to the next chapter. Of course, I didn't, and having read this chapter I do now 'get' dogs in a way I didn't before. I'm not going to rush out and adopt one, but I can now understand why people get so attached to them despite the poo.
My only gripe has to be the half-dozen or so typographical errors, mainly missing or poor punctuation. Sort it out for the next print run, please (I'm happy to help).
December 11, 2021
I like Graham Norton and have listened to his radio shows and watched his tv shows for years. I couldn’t wait to get to the end of this though. It was jumpy, a little self indulgent and I don’t feel I know anything more about him than I did at the start. Meh.
August 31, 2021
Fun audio book
June 27, 2015
Anyone who has watched and enjoyed one of Graham Norton’s TV chat shows will know he’s funny, irreverent, and gay (both happy and homosexual) with a distinct voice. If any of that bothers you, this isn’t the book to read, because his ireverent voice shines through in this memoir. It’s as though he’s reading (and no, this wasn’t an audiobook). I enjoy Norton, so I enjoyed this book.
Norton wrote a “then I did this” autobiography when he was forty, and The Life and Loves of a He Devil memoir is quite different. It is structured along a series of themes of things he loves—dogs, Ireland, New York, divas, booze, men and work—capped off by things he loves to hate. As such, it bounces all over the place in terms of timing: boyfriends he broke up with in the “Dogs” chapter reappear and disappear throughout the memoir, as do home, locations and jobs.
He has some fascinating tales about people he has worked with and hosted on his various chat shows, but what really shines through is his own strong personality—and humility. He’s as surprised as anyone he’s become so successful, and doesn’t take it for granted or believe he has somehow ‘earned’ it. That also comes through in his show, which hosts a mix of the almost-famous, famous and mega-famous, and while Norton is at ease with all of them, there are some guests he is clearly thrilled to get to meet, just like a teenage girl meeting her idol (he actually tells a funny story about meeting idols: they are usually better admired from afar).
At the very end, he says:
“The final thanks must go to you, the reader ... If you watch or listen to any of my shows, thanks for that as well. None of what I do actually matters, but without an audience it really would be pointless."
I found that refreshing.
Norton fans will enjoy this book, but anyone who isn’t a fan should steer well clear. It’s definitely not a clean read, but it is an excellent example of memoir (as opposed to biography) in that it’s all about themes and ideas, not necessarily chronology and events.
Norton wrote a “then I did this” autobiography when he was forty, and The Life and Loves of a He Devil memoir is quite different. It is structured along a series of themes of things he loves—dogs, Ireland, New York, divas, booze, men and work—capped off by things he loves to hate. As such, it bounces all over the place in terms of timing: boyfriends he broke up with in the “Dogs” chapter reappear and disappear throughout the memoir, as do home, locations and jobs.
He has some fascinating tales about people he has worked with and hosted on his various chat shows, but what really shines through is his own strong personality—and humility. He’s as surprised as anyone he’s become so successful, and doesn’t take it for granted or believe he has somehow ‘earned’ it. That also comes through in his show, which hosts a mix of the almost-famous, famous and mega-famous, and while Norton is at ease with all of them, there are some guests he is clearly thrilled to get to meet, just like a teenage girl meeting her idol (he actually tells a funny story about meeting idols: they are usually better admired from afar).
At the very end, he says:
“The final thanks must go to you, the reader ... If you watch or listen to any of my shows, thanks for that as well. None of what I do actually matters, but without an audience it really would be pointless."
I found that refreshing.
Norton fans will enjoy this book, but anyone who isn’t a fan should steer well clear. It’s definitely not a clean read, but it is an excellent example of memoir (as opposed to biography) in that it’s all about themes and ideas, not necessarily chronology and events.
July 10, 2017
There are some funny chapters in here but in the end not much really stayed long in my mind.
November 13, 2017
I love Graham Norton's late-night show on the BBC so I thought I'd check out his latest autobiography.
Graham Norton's narration made this book all the more enjoyable as his voice really added to the way it was written. Though some sections were a little slow at points, I was surprised that not only did Norton make me laugh, but I was actually crying on my way to work listening to one of his stories. I think that the presentation of his career progression was an honest and inspiring one.
This isn't my favourite autobiography I've read so far but it is an entertaining one. I'd recommend it if you are already familiar with Graham Norton's work and I'd be interested in picking up his recent fiction offering.
Graham Norton's narration made this book all the more enjoyable as his voice really added to the way it was written. Though some sections were a little slow at points, I was surprised that not only did Norton make me laugh, but I was actually crying on my way to work listening to one of his stories. I think that the presentation of his career progression was an honest and inspiring one.
This isn't my favourite autobiography I've read so far but it is an entertaining one. I'd recommend it if you are already familiar with Graham Norton's work and I'd be interested in picking up his recent fiction offering.
December 24, 2017
I listened to the audiobook and the narration was absolutely brilliant. In fact I thought the whole book was absolutely brilliant. Final thoughts absolutely brilliant. Okay, maybe it's just brilliant.
Read
September 4, 2022DNF @ 30 %
Odd one - I like Norton and I *really* liked his novel “A Keeper”, so I obviously klick with his writing. This was strangely unengaging though, bordering boring. I’ll bring this pristine hardback to the charity shop, I hope it finds a reader it works better for.
Odd one - I like Norton and I *really* liked his novel “A Keeper”, so I obviously klick with his writing. This was strangely unengaging though, bordering boring. I’ll bring this pristine hardback to the charity shop, I hope it finds a reader it works better for.
July 1, 2024
3,5 stars
I love the Graham Norton show, but had not been not aware previously that GN has already written 2 memoir/biography style books. This is the second one, published in 2014 and I guess the apropos was him turning 50.
It was mostly enjoyable, though a bit choppy.
There were parts I really liked and that touched me, while others I could have done without .
I started with his birthday gig and then covered different topics: his love of dogs and his life with them, his being Irish and his relationship with Ireland and his family, how he got involved in showbusiness and the major touchstones of his career in the UK and US, the divas he is a fan of and who turned up in his shows, his drinking habits and his relationships.
The quality and tone is uneven, but altogether I am glad I listened to it.
I love the Graham Norton show, but had not been not aware previously that GN has already written 2 memoir/biography style books. This is the second one, published in 2014 and I guess the apropos was him turning 50.
It was mostly enjoyable, though a bit choppy.
There were parts I really liked and that touched me, while others I could have done without .
I started with his birthday gig and then covered different topics: his love of dogs and his life with them, his being Irish and his relationship with Ireland and his family, how he got involved in showbusiness and the major touchstones of his career in the UK and US, the divas he is a fan of and who turned up in his shows, his drinking habits and his relationships.
The quality and tone is uneven, but altogether I am glad I listened to it.
May 1, 2024
This man could read me the ingredients of a tin of beans and I’d still be enthralled
April 1, 2017
Graham Norton writes this autobiographical book at age 50, ten years after a more standard chronological autobiography, so this is grouped thematically around his loves - dogs, divas, work etc. Norton is a very funny and pretty camp chat show presenter and Radio DJ and had an earlier career as a stand-up, so I was expecting this to be very humourous. In reality, parts of it are funny but all in all I found it an easy read but generally pretty uninspiring and disappointing (certainly compared with the promotional blurb)
June 21, 2024
I enjoyed this read but it fell short of some aspects that I looked forward to in a Graham Norton book.
My favourite chapter was the one about Ireland. He elaborates on the concept of home beautifully. To live somewhere that you are not originally from, and carving a niche for yourself is invaluable. But the concept of home evolves with time and sometimes this is where you make your life and other times this is the home you left behind. Norton's sensitive writing style shines in this chapter.
My favourite chapter was the one about Ireland. He elaborates on the concept of home beautifully. To live somewhere that you are not originally from, and carving a niche for yourself is invaluable. But the concept of home evolves with time and sometimes this is where you make your life and other times this is the home you left behind. Norton's sensitive writing style shines in this chapter.
May 28, 2015
Amusing at times but meh....I much prefer him on the chat show!
March 25, 2019
Can’t recall another non-fiction I’ve enjoyed so much. Yes this left me with few frowns from people around and funny pains and aches solely caused by uncontrollable laughter. The flawless writing is absolute gold. Totally worth the time spent. Might re-read this one day.
April 22, 2019
A must read!!!
As always, Graham had me laughing up a storm! Soooo many great goofy, deep, controversial, relatable, unrelatedly, sad, happy, hilarious, ETC, stories in this book! I would bark/hoot/giggle/snort/guffaw/etc out of the blue, with one hilarious comment or sentence or story of his, that it got to the point where my family asked me to read this book in a separate room because I kept startling them with my sudden outbursts lol. Honestly, I loved everything about this book and it has turned my curiosity/tame interest of Graham into a full blown obsession/adoration! Can’t wait to read as many of his other books as I can get my hands on. :)
As always, Graham had me laughing up a storm! Soooo many great goofy, deep, controversial, relatable, unrelatedly, sad, happy, hilarious, ETC, stories in this book! I would bark/hoot/giggle/snort/guffaw/etc out of the blue, with one hilarious comment or sentence or story of his, that it got to the point where my family asked me to read this book in a separate room because I kept startling them with my sudden outbursts lol. Honestly, I loved everything about this book and it has turned my curiosity/tame interest of Graham into a full blown obsession/adoration! Can’t wait to read as many of his other books as I can get my hands on. :)
August 17, 2019
This was an entertaining telling of some stories in Graham Norton's life. His recollections of things in his life he's loved was fun and heart felt as well.
October 26, 2019
Love Graham and his story telling about his life!
March 22, 2020
Love his show and absolutely loved the book. Laughed out loud so many times. Very honest and funny.
March 8, 2024
Docked a star for the opening chapter on dogs. Cats rule, dogs drool!
May 14, 2024
This one isn't deep or hard-hitting like some biographies.
What it is, is funny. So funny!
What it is, is funny. So funny!
October 23, 2022
Entertaining
December 12, 2020
Wow, what a boring book from someone who has so much life when he's on television. If you're expecting trashy talk, innuendo, and naughty tales, you won't find them here. There are only 2 or 3 halfway good chapters, the rest can be skipped.
He starts with a chapter on dogs. Seriously. Incredibly dull and misguided. He goes on to write about a lot of things none of us have ever heard of, and he assumes we've all read his first autobiography. I hadn't and was clueless as he made references to things, people, and places that I had never heard of before.
His chapter on Divas is somewhat good, where he shares about being close to Madonna and Cher. His chapter on Men is a disappointment--he avoids any sexual specifics and talks in vague terms about the many guys he has slept with or the few guys he had serious relationships with. And other than some interesting New York City stories in another chapter that's about it.
If you're looking for behind-the-scenes gossip you won't find much. He doesn't do much self-analysis, and it's a bit sad that after trying out dozens (if not hundreds) of guys that he can't seem to connect with any one of them permanently. Maybe he needs to stop being fake and be his real self, though after reading this I'm unsure if he's more real on screen or off.
He starts with a chapter on dogs. Seriously. Incredibly dull and misguided. He goes on to write about a lot of things none of us have ever heard of, and he assumes we've all read his first autobiography. I hadn't and was clueless as he made references to things, people, and places that I had never heard of before.
His chapter on Divas is somewhat good, where he shares about being close to Madonna and Cher. His chapter on Men is a disappointment--he avoids any sexual specifics and talks in vague terms about the many guys he has slept with or the few guys he had serious relationships with. And other than some interesting New York City stories in another chapter that's about it.
If you're looking for behind-the-scenes gossip you won't find much. He doesn't do much self-analysis, and it's a bit sad that after trying out dozens (if not hundreds) of guys that he can't seem to connect with any one of them permanently. Maybe he needs to stop being fake and be his real self, though after reading this I'm unsure if he's more real on screen or off.
November 11, 2021
I was a bit worried about reading this book because beforehand Graham could do no wrong in my eyes. Thankfully my opinion hasn’t changed. In fact when I told my husband about some of Graham’s insights he asked if Graham & I had perhaps been separated at birth! His first three loves are dogs, Ireland & New York. But I think it was his displeasure in sharing food & worrying that if he doesn’t eat all his meal he might starve in the middle of the night that sealed it.
July 4, 2020
This is not so much a autobiography as a reflections on life through the things he loves. It is moving, very honest and seriously funny. It is also very open and candid.
Graham writes with the some dry humor he shows on he's show. I started this a big fan an finished it a even bigger one.
Anyone that loves he's dogs this much is someone I can admire.
Graham writes with the some dry humor he shows on he's show. I started this a big fan an finished it a even bigger one.
Anyone that loves he's dogs this much is someone I can admire.
January 23, 2018
Favourite passages:
All silver linings are attached to a bit of cloud.
As we were carrying our gay fur baby back to where we had parked the car, I heard a flesh-trembling deep bark and suddenly, from behind a half-stable door, there jumped up a standard poodle so big you could have thought it was a farmhand having a bad reaction to the moon.
Bad boyfriend had become intolerable boyfriend and no amount of dog care was going to help. With his return to New York, I was left holding the baby but happily Bailey will always provide a link between us. Once the angry scars of the break-up had begun to fade we became friends again and now our phone calls always begin with me looking at Bailey sprawled on the floor like an enormous, tattered hearthrug and exclaiming, "It's your bad daddy on the phone!
As her dainty feet clattered into the Hall I was filled with relief and fury: thrilled she was alive, while simultaneously wanting to kill her. It’s an emotion every dog owner in the world has experienced.
I dread to think how self-obsessed and removed from reality I might have become over the years if it wasn’t for my furry friends. After all, it is hard to remain smug and aloof when you are wrestling with two overexcited dogs and struggling to pull a plastic bag out of your coat pocket to pick up a piece of shit. If Bailey and Madge had to explain the world to an alien visitor, I imagine they’d say their poo is like a form of currency or at least extremely valuable, because I insist on collecting every piece they produce.
After nearly ten years I’m still entranced by those funny sleep yelps and paw twitches as they chase phantom squirrels in their dreams
Some of my fathers stories will sweeter. A man had cycled his whole life. You never saw him without his bicycle clips. One day he arrived home breathless, by now an old man. He sat down and said to his equally ancient wife, “you know, I think that bike of mine is beginning to lose its speed”.
The atmosphere of secrets and shame made growing up in Ireland, seem suffocating. Another person’s rural childhood might have involved galloping horses through crashing waves and raising an abandoned fox cub as a pet, but mine seemed to consist of ticking clocks, boiling kettles and drawn curtains.
In fact, if I had been writing a book about my passions and loves twenty years ago, I doubt very much that I would have included a chapter on the country where I was born and brought up. Since then, though, we’ve both changed a great deal. I have grown older and if not exactly wiser, I have at least started to rethink life and see things from a different perspective.
A real turning point in my relationship with Ireland was when my father died. Like a cruel punishment for life crimes he never committed, he ended his days, made helpless by Parkinson’s disease, in a bleak nursing home. When he died, the sense of loss was overwhelming but at the same time we all understood that he hadn't just left us he had escaped. To no longer have to watch him suffer meant that in death our father could be reborn. Once someone goes, you no longer think of them as the pale gaunt old man waiting to die, suddenly, he is alive once more in the collective memory and in his prime. The man that could build and carry and dig. The bashful groom, the loving father. The guy we had wanted to live for ever now could, unburdened by a body that had failed him so badly. The other strange thing I discovered is that in death the person you have lost is revealed to you in a way they never could be in life. I had always seen this man simply as my father, but now everyone who came to the house with a bottle of whiskey or a fruitcake also shared their stories. It turned out he wasn't just a dad: he was a friend, a colleague, a joker, a thrill-seeker.
As the funeral approached, in addition to seeing new facets of my father, I was also beginning to fully understand the small community I had grown up in. Living there had stifled me and I spent most of my childhood and adolescence longing to be released. Shaking hands while familiar faces muttered "Sorry for your loss' was the classic small-town scene that would have induced a great deal of eye-rolling in the teenage me, but now it provided much-needed comfort. The community had lost one of their own and was coming together to make sure no one stumbled in the gap. The bonds that I had felt holding me back were now there to support me. I liked it.
Little like my relationship with the whole island, I can now look back and see that this manure-soaked, bare-boards education did have its benefits. The pupils might have been mainly from farming backgrounds but scattered amongst them were troubled city kids being given a second chance, plus the children of exotic foreigners who had been drawn to Ireland by the lure of unpasteurised milk and donkeys weighed down by baskets of turf harvested from the bog. In retrospect, I realise what a privilege it was to be exposed to such a varied and strangely cosmopolitan group at an early age, as it set me up to be able to talk to anyone and only be intimidated by a very few, as I made my way into the big, bad world. The exam results back then suggested that we weren’t getting the best of educations, but by not spoon-feeding us or putting us into some sort of educational hot-house, we learned to think for ourselves - when I got to university, the convent girls and Christian brother boys really struggled when they were asked what they thought.
The light at the end of the tunnel was getting a lot brighter.
If you don’t like being hated or discriminated against, then maybe don’t do it to other people.
I had not been on many planes at this point in my life and I had certainly never been invited to turn left by the air stewardess. Myself, Joy, Brian and his lovely wife, Anne-Marie, settled into our large, armchair-style seats. Joy’s assistant, Ben, was travelling in economy. I promised to visit him during the flight. Given that I had always travelled in the back of the plane, it was amazing how quickly the world of free champagne and legroom became like home. We had only been in the air for about half an hour when I decided to see how Ben was getting on. I pulled back the curtain that divided the two cabins and I remember I actually gasped. Compared to the serene world of sleep suits and linen napkins I had left, this looked like a documentary about refugees in a third-world country. I waved and smiled at a grim-faced Ben and headed back to where I so obviously belonged.
A friend of mine once described Liza Minelli as a ‘vortex of need’ and, in that moment, I witnessed it. David Gest was taking on an impossible task.
Liza is unique and that somehow means that she will always be alone, no matter how much love surrounds her.
Liza was a vortex of need but also a bottomless well.
It’s such a saccharine thing to say.
So far, so awful.
So much of Dolly Parton is a frothy façade - the high hair, the pink nails, the giant bosoms, but behind it all is a brain the size of a planet and a heart that beats for the world.
I got to know my various neighbours as I peered at them undetected from my darkened lair: the couple that fought, the woman who never stopped brushing her hair and, of course, the compulsive wanker.
We were sitting on the matching sofas chatting about our night. It was in no way raucous. My friend suddenly stood up as if he had just remembered he had left the gas on and then, with no warning, opened his mouth to release a gushing torrent of stomach contents.
He always asked if I wanted the last of the leftovers.
Like a wounded animal I howled into the night sky. Young hearts don’t break; they explode with operatic intensity.
I met a lot of people (hookups) and although I saw several of them more than once, there was no one who really filled the role of boyfriend. Many of them have become good friends and we simply choose to ignore the carnal side of how we met.
The wildly enthusiastic reaction of the guests and the studio audience was so overwhelming we couldn’t help but count our unhatched chickens.
The powers that be must have some other plans
My favourite shows are the ones that take me by surprise. Putting people side-by-side on the couch is like conducting an experiment in chemistry, where you’ve no idea how the various elements will react.
If you are that desperate for attention why not develop a personality and a sense of humour.
Self help: Now I am all in favour of selfimprovement. Learn how to make an authentic curry. Dazzle me with your command of the French language. Lose weight, build muscle, don't be afraid to change and evolve. What you shouldn't do is spend hours of your life and a great deal of cash getting ready for some life that you won't start living until you are completely ready. What are you waiting for? If life is a party it has started already and it turns out it's a "come as you are' affair. The time you spent preparing yourself for the challenges of living are big chunks of life you will never get back. Skills may be contained in books, but wisdom is acquired from experience and mistakes. I intend to write a whole book about this. I hope you like it.
The internet: Well, of course I don't really hate the internet; I just hate what it does to me. Clearly it is an extraordinary research tool and source of news, so why then do I find myself spending hours sitting in front of a computer screen watching videos of a man who can slice up a cabbage to look like a map of the world, or a six-year-old dancer who blew the judges away on India's Got Talent? Sometimes it can fool you into thinking it matters. When I end up in floods of tears watching Bruno Mars singing to a blind girl, it feels like time well spent but in reality my time would have been more wisely used folding laundry, trimming nose hair or, in fact, doing almost anything else apart from watching the pocket-sized pop star tug at my heart strings. Equally, the various social media sites can be a great way of keeping in touch with out-ofthe-way friends but in practice I spend my time scrolling through hundreds of holiday snaps of people I don't really know holding pints of lager and wrapping sunburnt arms around more people I don't know. I actually become impatient when the photographs don't load fast enough because, yet again, some weird part of my brain has convinced me that this is time well spent and that seeing every identical drunken image is somehow important. Part of the problem is surely that we can now surf the web wherever we are. There is no escape. On safari in Tanzania I could look out of the window at gazelles drinking from a watering hole, but in my room the presence of wi-fi meant I was actually looking at pictures of Lady Gaga leaving a bar in New York. We used to be safe on planes, a refuge from emails and Facebook status updates, but now airlines are proudly announcing the availability of internet on board. Does the web really need to be worldwide? It used to feel like something that magically connected us to every corner of the globe but increasingly the web feels like a trap.
All silver linings are attached to a bit of cloud.
As we were carrying our gay fur baby back to where we had parked the car, I heard a flesh-trembling deep bark and suddenly, from behind a half-stable door, there jumped up a standard poodle so big you could have thought it was a farmhand having a bad reaction to the moon.
Bad boyfriend had become intolerable boyfriend and no amount of dog care was going to help. With his return to New York, I was left holding the baby but happily Bailey will always provide a link between us. Once the angry scars of the break-up had begun to fade we became friends again and now our phone calls always begin with me looking at Bailey sprawled on the floor like an enormous, tattered hearthrug and exclaiming, "It's your bad daddy on the phone!
As her dainty feet clattered into the Hall I was filled with relief and fury: thrilled she was alive, while simultaneously wanting to kill her. It’s an emotion every dog owner in the world has experienced.
I dread to think how self-obsessed and removed from reality I might have become over the years if it wasn’t for my furry friends. After all, it is hard to remain smug and aloof when you are wrestling with two overexcited dogs and struggling to pull a plastic bag out of your coat pocket to pick up a piece of shit. If Bailey and Madge had to explain the world to an alien visitor, I imagine they’d say their poo is like a form of currency or at least extremely valuable, because I insist on collecting every piece they produce.
After nearly ten years I’m still entranced by those funny sleep yelps and paw twitches as they chase phantom squirrels in their dreams
Some of my fathers stories will sweeter. A man had cycled his whole life. You never saw him without his bicycle clips. One day he arrived home breathless, by now an old man. He sat down and said to his equally ancient wife, “you know, I think that bike of mine is beginning to lose its speed”.
The atmosphere of secrets and shame made growing up in Ireland, seem suffocating. Another person’s rural childhood might have involved galloping horses through crashing waves and raising an abandoned fox cub as a pet, but mine seemed to consist of ticking clocks, boiling kettles and drawn curtains.
In fact, if I had been writing a book about my passions and loves twenty years ago, I doubt very much that I would have included a chapter on the country where I was born and brought up. Since then, though, we’ve both changed a great deal. I have grown older and if not exactly wiser, I have at least started to rethink life and see things from a different perspective.
A real turning point in my relationship with Ireland was when my father died. Like a cruel punishment for life crimes he never committed, he ended his days, made helpless by Parkinson’s disease, in a bleak nursing home. When he died, the sense of loss was overwhelming but at the same time we all understood that he hadn't just left us he had escaped. To no longer have to watch him suffer meant that in death our father could be reborn. Once someone goes, you no longer think of them as the pale gaunt old man waiting to die, suddenly, he is alive once more in the collective memory and in his prime. The man that could build and carry and dig. The bashful groom, the loving father. The guy we had wanted to live for ever now could, unburdened by a body that had failed him so badly. The other strange thing I discovered is that in death the person you have lost is revealed to you in a way they never could be in life. I had always seen this man simply as my father, but now everyone who came to the house with a bottle of whiskey or a fruitcake also shared their stories. It turned out he wasn't just a dad: he was a friend, a colleague, a joker, a thrill-seeker.
As the funeral approached, in addition to seeing new facets of my father, I was also beginning to fully understand the small community I had grown up in. Living there had stifled me and I spent most of my childhood and adolescence longing to be released. Shaking hands while familiar faces muttered "Sorry for your loss' was the classic small-town scene that would have induced a great deal of eye-rolling in the teenage me, but now it provided much-needed comfort. The community had lost one of their own and was coming together to make sure no one stumbled in the gap. The bonds that I had felt holding me back were now there to support me. I liked it.
Little like my relationship with the whole island, I can now look back and see that this manure-soaked, bare-boards education did have its benefits. The pupils might have been mainly from farming backgrounds but scattered amongst them were troubled city kids being given a second chance, plus the children of exotic foreigners who had been drawn to Ireland by the lure of unpasteurised milk and donkeys weighed down by baskets of turf harvested from the bog. In retrospect, I realise what a privilege it was to be exposed to such a varied and strangely cosmopolitan group at an early age, as it set me up to be able to talk to anyone and only be intimidated by a very few, as I made my way into the big, bad world. The exam results back then suggested that we weren’t getting the best of educations, but by not spoon-feeding us or putting us into some sort of educational hot-house, we learned to think for ourselves - when I got to university, the convent girls and Christian brother boys really struggled when they were asked what they thought.
The light at the end of the tunnel was getting a lot brighter.
If you don’t like being hated or discriminated against, then maybe don’t do it to other people.
I had not been on many planes at this point in my life and I had certainly never been invited to turn left by the air stewardess. Myself, Joy, Brian and his lovely wife, Anne-Marie, settled into our large, armchair-style seats. Joy’s assistant, Ben, was travelling in economy. I promised to visit him during the flight. Given that I had always travelled in the back of the plane, it was amazing how quickly the world of free champagne and legroom became like home. We had only been in the air for about half an hour when I decided to see how Ben was getting on. I pulled back the curtain that divided the two cabins and I remember I actually gasped. Compared to the serene world of sleep suits and linen napkins I had left, this looked like a documentary about refugees in a third-world country. I waved and smiled at a grim-faced Ben and headed back to where I so obviously belonged.
A friend of mine once described Liza Minelli as a ‘vortex of need’ and, in that moment, I witnessed it. David Gest was taking on an impossible task.
Liza is unique and that somehow means that she will always be alone, no matter how much love surrounds her.
Liza was a vortex of need but also a bottomless well.
It’s such a saccharine thing to say.
So far, so awful.
So much of Dolly Parton is a frothy façade - the high hair, the pink nails, the giant bosoms, but behind it all is a brain the size of a planet and a heart that beats for the world.
I got to know my various neighbours as I peered at them undetected from my darkened lair: the couple that fought, the woman who never stopped brushing her hair and, of course, the compulsive wanker.
We were sitting on the matching sofas chatting about our night. It was in no way raucous. My friend suddenly stood up as if he had just remembered he had left the gas on and then, with no warning, opened his mouth to release a gushing torrent of stomach contents.
He always asked if I wanted the last of the leftovers.
Like a wounded animal I howled into the night sky. Young hearts don’t break; they explode with operatic intensity.
I met a lot of people (hookups) and although I saw several of them more than once, there was no one who really filled the role of boyfriend. Many of them have become good friends and we simply choose to ignore the carnal side of how we met.
The wildly enthusiastic reaction of the guests and the studio audience was so overwhelming we couldn’t help but count our unhatched chickens.
The powers that be must have some other plans
My favourite shows are the ones that take me by surprise. Putting people side-by-side on the couch is like conducting an experiment in chemistry, where you’ve no idea how the various elements will react.
If you are that desperate for attention why not develop a personality and a sense of humour.
Self help: Now I am all in favour of selfimprovement. Learn how to make an authentic curry. Dazzle me with your command of the French language. Lose weight, build muscle, don't be afraid to change and evolve. What you shouldn't do is spend hours of your life and a great deal of cash getting ready for some life that you won't start living until you are completely ready. What are you waiting for? If life is a party it has started already and it turns out it's a "come as you are' affair. The time you spent preparing yourself for the challenges of living are big chunks of life you will never get back. Skills may be contained in books, but wisdom is acquired from experience and mistakes. I intend to write a whole book about this. I hope you like it.
The internet: Well, of course I don't really hate the internet; I just hate what it does to me. Clearly it is an extraordinary research tool and source of news, so why then do I find myself spending hours sitting in front of a computer screen watching videos of a man who can slice up a cabbage to look like a map of the world, or a six-year-old dancer who blew the judges away on India's Got Talent? Sometimes it can fool you into thinking it matters. When I end up in floods of tears watching Bruno Mars singing to a blind girl, it feels like time well spent but in reality my time would have been more wisely used folding laundry, trimming nose hair or, in fact, doing almost anything else apart from watching the pocket-sized pop star tug at my heart strings. Equally, the various social media sites can be a great way of keeping in touch with out-ofthe-way friends but in practice I spend my time scrolling through hundreds of holiday snaps of people I don't really know holding pints of lager and wrapping sunburnt arms around more people I don't know. I actually become impatient when the photographs don't load fast enough because, yet again, some weird part of my brain has convinced me that this is time well spent and that seeing every identical drunken image is somehow important. Part of the problem is surely that we can now surf the web wherever we are. There is no escape. On safari in Tanzania I could look out of the window at gazelles drinking from a watering hole, but in my room the presence of wi-fi meant I was actually looking at pictures of Lady Gaga leaving a bar in New York. We used to be safe on planes, a refuge from emails and Facebook status updates, but now airlines are proudly announcing the availability of internet on board. Does the web really need to be worldwide? It used to feel like something that magically connected us to every corner of the globe but increasingly the web feels like a trap.
January 11, 2021
I was a fan of Graham until I read this book, before purchasing I had read the sample of this book where he talks about his love for his dogs. This was not a good indication of what the rest of the book was like, the dog chapter involved him talking lovingly about his two dogs and how dogs as a whole had enriched his life, it was a sensitive and heartwarming chapter. The rest of the chapters seemed to be him bragging in various ways about how wonderful his life is now and how rich he is, at first it didn't bother me but the frequency with which reference to his acquired wealth is made quickly began to grate.
Another criticism I had of this book was the fact that Graham seems to have a dislike of his fans, in fairness to him at the end of the book he does thank them and say that without them watching/listening to his shows then he wouldn't have a job but at several points throughout the book he describes those that wait outside of Television Studios as 'people in dandruff soaked anoraks' and generally sneers at why they would want to wait outside for autographs and pictures with him or other famous people. It left a bitter taste to me and I felt it showed Graham to be unpleasant.
If you want to read a book where the author brags frequently about how great their life is and how rich they now are then maybe you would enjoy this book.
Another criticism I had of this book was the fact that Graham seems to have a dislike of his fans, in fairness to him at the end of the book he does thank them and say that without them watching/listening to his shows then he wouldn't have a job but at several points throughout the book he describes those that wait outside of Television Studios as 'people in dandruff soaked anoraks' and generally sneers at why they would want to wait outside for autographs and pictures with him or other famous people. It left a bitter taste to me and I felt it showed Graham to be unpleasant.
If you want to read a book where the author brags frequently about how great their life is and how rich they now are then maybe you would enjoy this book.
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