A Dignified Life: The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer's Care

by Virginia Bell, David Troxel

Four million Americans currently suffer from Alzheimer's disease and experts estimate that 22 million people around the world will be so afflicted by 2025. Far too many families are struggling with the emotionally and physically draining responsibility of redefining their relationship with, and caring for, someone who not long ago was a vibrant member of society, yet may not know their own name today. A Dignified Life helps combat the burnout and frustration that often accompany the task of caring for an Alzheimer's patient. Author David Troxel, an Alzheimer's expert and executive director of the California Central Coast Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, maintains that at its simplest this approach is based on treating the person like a best friend and working from their strengths, not their weaknesses. He "As family members, caregivers and professionals, we have to try to connect with them. People with this disease in some way need someone to be . . . attentive and empathetic--someone who really tries to walk a mile in their shoes." A Dignified Life goes beyond the typical tips offered by most books and takes advantage of readers' instinctive desire to build friendships and taps into the intuitive aspect of caregiving that is part of our very nature. It provides a complete model for care built around creative and effective communication and meaningful activities and includes touching stories that demonstrate how the Best Friends method continues to improve the lives of both those who have Alzheimer's disease and those who care for them.

Genres: Nonfiction

250 pages, Paperback

First published September 15, 2002

Reviews

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

"How we meet daily challenges of caring. Meet daily challenges. gain confidence. communicate successfully. Handle family disagreements. Work with doctor. find community resources. Select things to do together. take care of self. Learn the best friends method. memory making--how to write and use the person's life story."

Best book I've read on Alzheimer's disease yet.

[Jovdb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book recommended to me by a care giver of a person with dementia.

Although the underlying concept of a role change was a good idea, I found it very simplistic and annoyingly repetitive!

[Alisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

At work we had a workshop yesterday about the Friendship approach to dealing with and managing our residents and even ways to assist family members whom are still a large part of their residents lives, dealing with Alzheimer's and Dementia.

I have worked in Long Term Health Care for many years now and I can honestly say that there is no one book that is right and the others are wrong pertaining to Alzheimer's Disease. All books on this subject have many helpful ideas but because it affects different people in different ways, its a lot of trial and error.

This book as with "The 36 Hour Day", are both some of the most helpful. I found a lot that has worked for me in the past and a few new things to try.

[Trish · Rating 2 out of 5]

Stuff I already kind of knew...

[Maureen · Rating 4 out of 5]

good for An Alzheimer's disease Bill of Rights, extensive definition of what is a best friend (pp 74-75) including friends know each others personality and history, do things together, communicate, build self-esteem, laugh together often, are equals and work at the relationship. Sets out recipe for the life story, elements of knack (the art of doing difficult things with ease and strategies) then offers way to rate yourself on how you are doing. with knack. Includes the best friends philosophy of communication including not taking the person literally, maintaining integrity, not arguing or confronting, using positive body language and humour. Includes activity pointers, self-care advise for the care partner, resources, organizations, websites, recommended readings and finally biographies on the people mentioned throughout the book who have Alzheimer's disease.

[Simran · Rating 4 out of 5]

I must recommend this book to understand what the person with alzheimer feel and how to take care of them.

[Wren · Rating 5 out of 5]

In 2012, Bell and Troxel published this revised edition to their 2002 guide for helping people with dementia meet their physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs. Their Best Friends approach emphasizes respecting and validating the person with dementia and seeking to view the world through his or her eyes--all while protecting your own boundaries and practicing self-care.

The book has 12 chapters organized into four major sections:

I. Alzheimer's Disease and Other Dementia
II. The Best Friends Approach
III. The Best Friends Approach in Action
IV. Living with Dignity

The book also includes a list of resources, organizations, websites, and recommended readings. The authors also include a section "Biographies" that provides a life sketch for more than a dozen people who spend their final years living with dementia and whose stories provide much of the content in the book. (Their family members provided legal consent.)

The book is formatted with small paragraphs and plentiful subheadings, making it easy to access information. Those who serve as care partners for people with dementia are pressed for time, so easy access to information is vital. It's clear that the authors have hands-on experience in dementia care and in educating and supporting family care partners. People new to the dementia community will be well served by reading Bell and Troxel's guide.

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is basically a plea to treat dementia patients with patience, kindness, and understanding, even when they are being obstinate and difficult. They tell us not to take it personally, when the person is being difficult. They maintain that the patient's stubbornness and other difficult behaviors will decrease, that they will be easier to deal with, if they are treated with respect and understanding. It talks a great deal about finesse and "having the knack", which, basically, means lying to them and manipulating them, rather than trying to argue with them, or confronting their beliefs and behaviors head-on, inevitably resulting in conflict. Good advice. It's a good goal to work toward. Easier for paid caregivers, I think, than for family members, with all the other baggage that each brings into those relationships.

[Cate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my favorite book for persons and families dealing with any sort of memory loss (dementia - Alzheimer's disease).

It's written with a stressed, worried, tired family member who doesn't have a lot of time or interest in "scholarly" blah-blah-blahs.

And, David Troxel and Virginia Bell (both quite scholarly) developed this ground-breaking (sooooooo real and practical) caregiving approach in an academic setting years ago. Their books and programs are internationally acclaimed . . . the last time the books were translated was a year or so ago -- into Iranian language(s), and they were invited to visit a national conference -- and they both went!

Great people, loving approach, and excellent companion to the 36 Hour Day (which is the Dr. Spock of Alz care reference books).

[Zhi Ling · Rating 2 out of 5]

i did not really harbour great expectations on this book. and indeed, i was not to be surprised. perhaps i hold a biased perspective due to my current work, but i did not feel that the book offered anything useful. it would not be the practical guide i was hoping for, dwelling for a large part on general description of emotions and scenarios. it was at least not an unpleasant read. the most memorable takeaway from this would be the term 'matyrdom', which was, i felt, a rather creative and apt description for caregivers who took it solely upon themselves to provide the care for their loved ones regardless of crippling difficulties.

[Bev · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is subtitled "The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer's Care, a Guide for Family Caregivers" and takes a different approach to caring for loved ones with Alzheimers and Dementia, with many suggestions for how to let go of the role of spouse or child or instead just act as if you were best friends, finding ways to engage your loved one in life. Sadly, my mother has become so reclusive that I doubt most of the suggestions would work with her.

[Kyle Kiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hope and Humanity

Don't know where to start with Mom or Dad? Try this great read on. Consider that being loved, having dignity, and knowing they will be remembered is where life resonates for an elder. This quick read creates an awareness around how to be loving, provide dignity, and supporting recall of a life well lived. Find resources, perspectives, and support context for turning sadness and fear into connection and vitality.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a superb and realistic book for those caring for or even visiting those with any kind of dementia. The advice makes sense and is relatively easy to implement. I've been using some of the strategies with my Dad and they do help move conversations away from delicate or difficult discussions a lot of the time. The overall approach is wonderful and feels so right. Thanks for the recommendations, Sarah! Nailed it!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource with a very positive, optimistic, dignified, do-able approach. Much to keep in mind. I took copious notes which will serve as useful reminders. These people have "been there" for sure.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

A loving and straightforward approach to caring for someone suffering from Alzheimer's. I expect the method and techniques in this book to improve my relationship to my mother and to improve her quality of life. I'll add more once I've put the theory into practice.

[Paula Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think that this is a must read for anyone involved with individuals that have dementia or Alzheimer's disease. Great tips on communicating and understanding these individuals using the Best Friends approach were given, as well as examples.

[Kimberly Christoffersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I work on a dementia floor in a long term care facility and we have been trained in the best friends approach and the behavior problems have been drastically minimized. Kudos to Virginia Bell

[Laurel Hicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good, common-sense approach to helping family and friends who have memory loss.

[Kathleen Stark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good practical advice for many situations. If you are in this predicament, it gets you thinking and moving in the right direction.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anyone caring for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia.

[Adrienne · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a whole lot of information in this book and it was all excellent. I would even say it contains excellent advice on how to be a better human being to anyone.

[Linda Madden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful to read when caring for someone with dementia!