Speaking Out: A 21st-Century Handbook for Women and Girls

by Tara Moss

A short, accessible and practical handbook for women on speaking out safely and confidently.

Worldwide, less than one out of every four people we hear from or about in the media is female and men outnumber women in parliament by more than three to one. If half of humanity's experiences, perspectives and possible solutions to world problems are under-represented, or entirely unheard, all of us lose out.
Tara Moss has spent 20 years in the public sphere and has had to face down nerves, critics and backlash. She has become a leader in speaking out. In this handbook she offers advice on preparation, speaking out and negotiating public spaces. With a special focus on public speaking, social media and online safety, she offers tips on how to research, form arguments, find support and handle criticism.
This is a guide for women young and old that not only helps them find their voice, but argues passionately for why it matters.
PRAISE FOR FICTIONAL WOMAN

'This book, part memoir, part manifesto, catapults [Tara] into the frontline as a public commentator who demands serious attention' Caroline Baum

'A nimbly argued, statistic-laden exploration of the various labels we give women and the impact this has on their lives' Catherine Keenan, ABC the Drum

'Hits its mark with sharp-shooting precision ... Moss' skill is in marshalling the evidence and communicating it in a way that is accessible, warm, open, lucid and passionate ... Moss is a serious thinker' Dr Clare Wright, the Age

'A remarkable book - the kind that rewires your brain and its preconceptions in the best way possible. Intelligent, riveting and invigorating' Benjamin Law, Australian journalist and author


'This is a book which needs to be read by men and women. Well written, clearly argued, informative, powerful and thought provoking. Forget everything you thought you knew about Tara Moss, with the Fictional Woman, Tara sets the record straight and takes her place as one of our generations great commentators' John Purcell, Booktopia

'The most insightful book about women since The Feminine Mystique' Eve Mahlab, AO

'This book will rejuvenate the feminist in you and make you proud to be one' Professor Hannah Dahlen, Midwifery Matters

'The fictional woman ... hits sits mark with sharp-shooting precision' - Clare Wright, Sydney Morning Herald

'It is Moss's relation of her own experiences - common to many women - merged with the clearly communicated research that makes this book accessible' - Newtown Review of Books

'The Fictional Woman is a 21st century must-read for all women and their men ...' - Taranaki Daily, NZ

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Audiobook, Self Help

Audiobook

First published June 1, 2016

About the author

Tara Moss is an internationally bestselling author, documentary host and human rights advocate. She is the author of 15 books, published in 19 countries and 13 languages. Her latest, The Italian Secret, follows on from the internationally bestselling historical thrillers The War Widow, and The Ghosts of Paris, both set in the postwar 1940s and featuring '‘staunchly feminist, champagne-swilling, fast-driving Nazi hunter’ investigator' PI Billie Walker.

Moss is an outspoken advocate for the rights of women and children, and people with disabilities, and has also published two best-selling non-fiction books, The Fictional Woman and Speaking Out - A 21st Century Guide for Women and Girls.

She has been a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador since 2007 and as of 2013 is UNICEF Australia’s National Ambassador for Child Survival, and has visited Australian hospitals, maternity wards and schools as well as Syrian refugee camps in Lebanon in her UNICEF role. In 2015 she received an Edna Ryan Award for her significant contribution to feminist debate, speaking out for women and children and inspiring others to challenge the status quo.

Her in-depth novel research has seen her tour the FBI Academy at Quantico, spend time in squad cars, morgues, prisons, the Hare Psychopathy Lab, the Supreme Court and criminology conferences, take polygraph tests, shoot weapons, conduct surveillance, pass the Firearms Training Simulator (FATSII) with the LAPD, pull 4.2 G’s doing loops over the Sydney Opera House flying with the RAAF, and acquire her CAMS race driver licence. She has hosted the true crime documentary series Tough Nuts – Australia’s Hardest Criminals on the Crime & Investigation Network, ‘Tara Moss Investigates’ on the National Geographic Channel and the author interview show Tara in Conversation on 13th Street Universal. In 2014 she was recognised for Outstanding Advocacy for her blog Manus Island: An insider’s report, which helped to break information to the public about the events surrounding the alleged murder of Reza Barati inside the Australian-run Manus Island Immigration Detention Centre.

She has earned her private investigator credentials (Cert III) from the Australian Security Academy.

Moss is a dual Australian/Canadian citizen. Visit her at TaraRaeMoss.com

Recent Awards and Accolades:

2012 Australia’s 20 Most Influential Female Voices

2013 Australia’s Most inspiring Women ‘who push boundaries, create change and motivate’

2014 Outstanding Advocacy Award for Manus Island: An insider’s report

2014 Cosmo’s The Women Who Made 2014 Better for The Fictional Woman

2014 Influential Women of 2014, alongside Malala, Laura Bates, Angelina Jolie and more

2014 The Hoopla‘s The Female Eunuch Award for The Fictional Woman

2015 Best Designed Non-Fiction Book Award, for The Fictional Woman designed by Tara Moss and Matt Stanton

2015 Part of the University of Sydney’s Leadership for Good

2015 Edna Ryan Award - ‘Grand Stirrer Award’ for making a feminist difference by speaking out for women and children, for a significant contribution to feminist debate and inciting others to challenge the status quo

2016 Champion of the West award for community service

2017 The Order of Lambrick Park

2018 International Top 50 Diversity Figures in Public Life ‘recognises the achievements of individuals who have used their position in public life, for example as a campaigner, politician or journalist to make an impact in diversity.’ Listed alongside Malala Yousufzai, Angelina Jolie, Bernie Sanders, Emma Watson, His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama of Tibet and more.

Reviews

[Bianca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tara Moss is one of those infuriating women who seem to be excellent at everything they do and who also accomplish a lot: journalist, novelist, public speaker, human rights advocate, documentary maker etc. She's about to get a doctorate. Overachiever or what? Of course, she had to be beautiful as well ... :-)

She's published quite a few thriller/crime novels, but I haven't read any yet. Currently, I am more interested in her non-fiction writing.
Anyway, this was available on the overdrive, so I downloaded it.

I can't criticise anything about it. It was concise, well articulated, and, most importantly, it had plenty of useful advice - in other words, as advertised, it's an actual handbook.

I've learnt some things, it made me ponder about others, including biases, internalised misogyny. It gave very good advice on how to become a better writer. She was adamant about the importance of re-reading and taking your time to edit before you press send, save. I'm very naughty, as yet again, I'm writing this directly on GR, right after finishing the book. I'll do better... Hopefully ... One day ...

So if you come across it, especially if you plan on becoming a speaker, advocate, including having an increased social media presence, I recommend this very handy little book.

This book will go towards my Australian Authors Challenge on www.bookloverbookreviews.com

[April (Aprilius Maximus) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found some chapters incredibly helpful and others not so much, but some might become useful in the future!

[Tez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Speaking Out: A 21st-Century Handbook for Women and Girls is well-meaning, but is it really what we need? A lot of women and girls are already speaking out - that isn't the problem. The issue is that people need to learn to LISTEN. For the privileged to listen to the marginalised. For white people to listen to people of colour. For cis-gender people to listen to people who are transgender or non-binary. For heterosexual people to listen to everyone else. For the wealthy to listen to the poor. For the non-disabled to listen to the disabled. For the neuro-typical to listen to the neuro-divergent. For the well-connected to listen to the lonely.

I understand why Tara Moss hasn't written that kind of book, though. The people who most need to listen would likely refuse to read it. So since we can't change other people, Speaking Out is more about changing ourselves. Forming better, stronger arguments, and the way we deliver them, in order to give us the best possible chance of being heard.

Which makes reading the section focused on the spoken word, rather than the written, rather awkward.

I remember an ad for a particular season of Australia's The Biggest Loser. A primary school-aged boy, a competitor on the programme, spoke of the kids at school teasing him because he was fat. And so he signed up to join the show. I don't blame him; he likely just wanted the bullying to stop. And because the kids picked on his appearance, he chose to try to change it. It's a sad world that people teach kids to lose weight, rather than teach kids not to bully/tease/pick on others.

Which brings us to Speaking Out. Women are often dismissed when they speak out, with listeners blaming the orator's "high-pitched voice" or "vocal fry". This handbook has tips for adjusting your voice to sound more "acceptable". The author says her tips are optional, but the very fact that they're included leads me to believe she thinks we should definitely consider them.

Do I have a high-pitched voice or vocal fry? I don't know, but I certainly had a lisp growing up. I may still have one now. Should I feel grateful or not that tips for eliminating a lisp aren't included? On one hand, I'm glad not to be patronised and victim-blamed. (E.g. People wouldn't pick on you for having a lisp if you didn't have one, so you should get rid of yours.) On the other hand, does this book erase my type of vocal issue?

But again, this book is about changing oneself, instead of changing other people's shoddy behaviour towards you.

The next part is best suited to students, with lots of advice on research, structuring arguments, and presenting them. I sped through this part, just to get it finished - I wasn't interested, but students should get a lot out of it.

The third section is the most helpful, where the handbook really earns its stripes - on what to expect when speaking out. While I read it, male radio broadcasters' comments about holding a woman's head under icy water were being heavily discussed in the media, including social. All the diversionary tactics listed in the book were played out in public. But because violent language against women happens on a regular basis, this part of the book is timeless.

There are contributions from a handful of women who've "survived social media". Most of the women included have worthy contributions, but one name will raise eyebrows: Amanda Palmer. She has a history of problematic behaviour; there are details here. (Hover over the text in the post - they're clickable links.) Remember when she invited Jian Ghomeshi to join her tour? After a lot of push-back (and rightfully so) from the public, Palmer announced he would no longer be a guest on her tour, and that she had made a "snap judgment".

Her "snap judgment" was to provide a platform for someone who allegedly "non-consensually beat up four different women during sexual encounters". And "eight different women [...] have come forward to accuse Ghomeshi of violence, sexual abuse, or harassment". (Quotes from the Stereogum article.) Palmer initially chose to side with THIS GUY, instead of the numerous victims.

So what the hell is she doing in a handbook that supposedly empowers women and girls to speak out, when she at first chose not to believe the women who'd spoken out against Ghomeshi?

After taking time to calm and think, I was more open-minded to reading the piece. After all, her contribution could be about how she was wrong to initially support Ghomeshi. How speaking out in this case probably wasn't a good idea. How Palmer had learned from the experience, about the importance of researching, thinking, and addressing one's own biases (such as not believing victims of sexual violence and harassment) before speaking out.

My gut reaction turned out to be correct: Palmer's contribution mentions nothing of her initial support for an alleged sexual offender. Mentions nothing about how others were right to call her out on including him on her tour.

So yes, her contribution shouldn't be here because it's ultimately hollow. And considering that Tara Moss emphasises the importance of research, I'm surprised she didn't investigate Palmer's history of problematic behaviour. It didn't take me long to dig up those links and read them. So why didn't Moss?

Maybe this handbook is an example of White Feminism. While it very briefly mentions intersections, this book is pretty much geared towards straight white cis-women. Understandable, because the author acknowledges it's not her place to speak out on identities she doesn't have.

Moss includes statistics throughout the handbook, but when it comes to the conviction rate on reported crimes of cyber-stalking/cyber-bullying...no statistics are included. Because there aren't any official statistics, or because the conviction rate is so low that it may discourage victims from reporting crimes, knowing there's so low a chance of the perpetrator facing any justice?

My depression was already in a bad way before reading this book. It didn't improve over the course of it. Speaking Out is a major downer. It doesn't mean to be - it's supposed to be inspiring, motivating, encouraging. But it had the opposite effect on me.

[Kkneen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this book then buy two copies. Give one to a young woman and one to a young man. Ask them to pass them on. This book is so important, even if you think you know about the barriers to women's participation, the facts will still surprise you. It is worse than you might have thought. The only way to change it is for the next generation to get on top of this early. I still have hope that younger people can move towards fixing what is still a terrible situation for women. We are silenced, we are judged, we are blamed and we are mocked. People do not read our books, nor do they remember our contributions to science and culture. This has to stop and reading Speaking Out has some practical ways to stop this happening now. READ THIS BOOK.

[Dash · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. Inspiring and practical.

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A worthwhile and interesting read. Written prior to the upsurge in woman’s issues in the last couple of years and the recent election here in Australia

There are certainly a lot of very worthwhile tools for speaking out as a woman in many forms, written, spoken, social media, presented here by Ms Moss.

A worthwhile refresher for this senior woman

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a bit of a strange book, it’s a handbook on how to be a famous feminist activist, which I suppose is quite niche. There are so many tips on how to bend yourselves into weird shapes to deal with internet trolls and misogyny which to be honest makes the thought of speaking out very off-putting. Knowing the horrible backlash and consequences to speaking up is why more of us don’t do it in the first place. I’m too scared to even give feedback on anonymous work surveys because I know our leadership team spends their time trying to work out which employee said what as opposed to spending their time using the feedback to be better leaders. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not the intended audience for this book because I’m a lily livered chicken shit.

[Tasnia Ahmad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some parts were excellent, however .my rating it 3 is dominantly due to the irrelevancy of a large portion of the book to me.

[Web · Rating 5 out of 5]

As is typical of Tara Moss's style, Speaking Out is a wonderfully articulated handbook detailing the importance of making your voice heard (particularly for women and girls), methods of being heard, how to be appropriately prepared to communicate, as well as tips on how to deal with both positive and negative reactions to your opinions.

With plenty of facts to support her case, Tara presents a very easy to understand and inspiring guide for anyone who would like to improve their written and verbal communication skills, as well as their confidence, particularly with dealing with objections, criticisms or outright bullying.

Supporting her points of view are testimonials from others, like herself, who are suitably qualified in public speaking, social media writing, blogging and other forms of authorship.

I would suggest this book as a useful read for anyone, of any gender, who would like to improve their communication skills. I would also fully recommend it for upper-primary aged children who are starting to learn the fine art of leadership and confidence in their communication, or even children who are learning to debate. It would be a marvellous tool for teachers to support their curriculum.

Well done, Tara. Five star rating!

[bronberry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like Tara Moss. Her writing is clear, concise, and articulate. Tara meticulously discusses how female voices are heard less in mainstream media and criticised more pedantically compared to male voices. She uses this as her launchpad to encourage women to speak out. I found Part 2: "how to speak out" very useful. I also found the part on 'knowing when and how to say no' invaluable - I'm starting to get paid for speaking events and Tara inspired me to have the confidence to not be afraid to ask if organisers have a budget. This book covers people at different stages of their 'speaking out' careers: from people not sure if they have something to say to people with large public presences who may find themselves the subject of criticism. Everyone has something to learn and I highly recommend it.

[Warren Gossett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Welcome advice for females in Australia today about speaking up in public space and not being discouraged or hurt by stereotypes and negativity that is still too often directed at women in public life.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this audio book, but now thinking I will buy myself a copy. Lots of good ideas, including looking after yourself. The sort of book where you underline passages and book mark ideas that are helpful, and then revisit later on.

[Ruci Tukana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very inspiring and uplifting!
I encourage our daughters to read it!

[Peta Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

All women need to read this book. It is an excellent guide for finding your voice, speaking up and for not having to put up with the crap that comes with speaking up and out.

[Tien · Rating 4 out of 5]

This topic is not particularly something that interested me but author Tara Moss did a fabulous job in actually keeping me interested in the book. It’s a very encouraging and positive about speaking out; not only about public speaking but also generally is speaking up with your opinions whether in speech or writing or any type of media. It’s also quite a practical book, filled with tips on breathing, caution on researching and how to deal with ‘trolls’. The author is speaking from a deep well of experience which therefore made this book sounds very sincere and authentic. If you’re looking to do a lot of public speaking or even just to speak out on a social media platform, I’d highly recommend that you read this book.

[Cassie Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version of this book, narrated by the author. Overall it was a good listen, but wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I thought there would be more personal stories about women speaking out, rather than how-to sections on how to write and prepare to speak publicly. However the advice that Tara offers on these subjects would be very useful to anyone who needs instruction in those areas, and the physical edition of this book would be a valuable resource to turn to. I really enjoyed the final chapters, which had more personal stories about women speaking out and how they have coped with the backlash they inevitably receive.

[Amra Pajalic · Rating 5 out of 5]

An inspiring book that encourages women to speak out about things that matter and provides some useful strategies to support them to do so. I read the first few chapters of the book and felt a slow burn at the statistics about the lack of women's participation in the public arena and how we have become normalized to this situation. A very powerful and necessary book that every woman should read.

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not what I expected, but I am still glad I read this book.
Some great advice and like all of Tara's non-fiction books, it made me stop and think, because a few things Tara mentions about attitudes toward women, I had not realised until she pointed them out.
Scares me that I had become so blind to things and just accepted it as being "the way it is"

[Jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful clear advice and empowering thoughts and words. We do need to speak out much more and not be afraid to do so. Excellent sections on dealing with negative feedback, especially trolls in social media. This book is well worth your time and would be particularly useful for teenage girls.

[Duncan G Aldridge]

REally pratical read. Though geared at women to book has great insight about how to prepare to speak oiut (in either written or spoken word) and dealing with some of results of speaking out.

[Carly Findlay · Rating 5 out of 5]

It has been a useful handbook for me as an online writer, particularly the self care and vicarious trauma parts. (I contributed to this book too.)

[Tinted Edges · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 - Check out my upcoming review on http://tintededges.wodpress.com

[Kit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful book. Includes stuff on social media. Some of the resources provided are for an Australian audience. May be a little unfocused.
Speak out: Cambridge Dictionary to say in public what you think about something such as a law or an official plan or action. Merriam-Webster to speak boldly : express an opinion frankly. Thefreedictionary.com (against someone or something) to speak negatively and publicly about someone or something; to reveal something negative, in speech, about someone or something.
This book can be read by males as well as females. Though females have greater need to speak out and more hurdles as she recognises. It can be read by those taking the assertive road. The assertive road can be mighty rocky and it will provide a guide for the fallout. It can be read alongside assertiveness books. It’s applicable to everyday people practicing good bystander citizenship as well as those with a public profile.
In case we’d been under a rock, she presents the unequivocal data showing women are underrepresented in a substantive way in the media. I’m glad she pointed out the much feted and unimpeached Star Wars has one woman in it. What about that Lord of the Rings? I know the sexism has been mentioned before but it just seems radio silence in the latest interminable unadulterated lovefest over it..
She notes Australian politician Julie Bishop said there’s no glass ceiling for women. But I guess even she changed tune after being shafted by her male colleagues in her bid for PM in 2018.
She gives tips on how to:
-speak better
-write better. The writing bit is all solid, reliable, good housekeeping stuff
-speak out in a public forum
-deal with criticism, fallout. Some tools and worthwhile to shore self up.
-set fees, contracts.
-self-care. Including how to gauge your mental health and recognise problems, tips from other public figures. Again lots to shore self up with.
She even gives some tips to the media on how to broach the subject of sexual abuse.
Chapter 17 has some stuff on social media abuse forms.
She emphasises the importance of speaking out about wrong stuff because it makes a difference.
This is a woman who’s been in the trenches speaking out. She’s called/ calls stuff out for improvement. Now she’s sharing what she’s learned to help and encourage others do this too. Top woman! Way to go!

[Sarah loves books 😻😻😻 · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Tara Moss not just provides handy tips and tricks for women with regards to speaking out (may that be online, as a writer or as a speaker or any other medium you want to choose) but also shares valuable background info about women’s issues in Australia and abroad - while I knew a lot of these things already it was a very good reminder and certainly got my inner feminist all shaken up again (and I was very happy to be shaken up again by Tara!).

I do have to say I am shocked by the amount of online abuse women get - I remember Clementine Ford also spoke about the regular deaths and rape (wtf!?) threats she gets as a response to her work. I am absolutely shocked by that!!

With regards to the tips &tricks: Some chapters were very useful to me, other I already knew quite a bit about (proper research strategies and self care), overall I can highly recommend though. Especially to younger women or even older ones who want to make sure their skills are up-to-date. 4 stars and will be reading more of her non-fiction work!

[Kate Hardman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I heard her speak on the subject in the Dumbo Feather podcast and was interested to read the book.
I like the premise of the book, a modern day guide to surviving speaking up and speaking out.
It was very insightful into the injustices carried out against women all around the world but with a focus on Western society and particularly online.
As someone who isn't active in speaking out it definitely made me want to get involved and even opened up areas of trauma that I thought maybe I could share my experience in the hope of helping others.
She talked about writing techniques which reminded me of a love I had for writing as a teenager and has prompted me to begin again.
Overall, although I didn't find the book related directly to me in the sense of the backlash received when speaking out, I definitely enjoyed the book and found it very informative.

[Em · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was well-written, honest, friendly, organised, thorough, compassionate and strong. I'd recommend it to women, but also to men - there's a lot that will help them understand the issues women face, and advice that can also apply to them directly.

It is really nice to have a book that specialises in the unique challenges that women have when speaking in public. The book is very comprehensive - it covers topics like how to speak with a strong voice, how to write clearly, how to deal with criticism, and how to ensure you don't get burnt out.

There are a lot of things I don't say on the internet because I don't want to deal with the mindless hate and vitriol that is directed at women simply for being women and saying something, so I really admire women like Tara Moss who speak out anyway.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers a really nice introduction on public speaking, writing well, navigating social media, and self-care for activists. You can certainly find more in-depth resources on each of these topics elsewhere (and Moss references many of those resources), but I don't think I've ever seen all of them united in a single work and presented with a strong feminist perspective. I'd highly recommend this book to young women who are just getting started in writing, speaking, or activism. For those with more experience, there's lots in this book that won't be new, but it's still a concise and informative read.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth a read and worth having a copy to hand*


Quite a bit of this book touches on things I learned in my comms degree but for whatever reason I had forgotten. I wish 13 year old me had had this book.

I will actually be lending my copy to my brother who is navigating his first year post uni.







* I am not a big book keeper so it’s no small thing when I say to keep a copy of the book beyond the first read.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

An important message and motivator about the importance of women speaking out and how to do so. I particularly loved the first section of the book about why to speak out and the statistics around women not speaking out as much as men and the response when they do. Contains useful information about important practicalities of staying safe and self care. But for me the second half of the book often felt a little laboured and dry, lacking the passion of the first half.

[Alana Conradie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is well written and there is a lot of passion as well as information behind it. However i personally found it incredibly repetitive and frankly boring. I really do think the same thoughts and advice could have been given in half the words/pages.

I do highly respect the author though and I love what she’s doing. I think many people will get a lot out of this book. I didn’t unfortunately.