9 Ways to a Resilient Child

by Justin Coulson

The author of 21 Days to a Happier Family, Dr Justin Coulson, on raising kids who'll bounce back from adversity and challenging times.

'How can I help my child be more resilient?' is a question Dr Justin Coulson often hears from worried mums and dads.

9 Ways to a Resilient Child gives parents practical strategies to help their children cope with the challenges that life throws at them - from friendship problems and bullying to losing a game or failing an exam. Even our home environment and the way that we parent can impact our children's potential to recover from difficulty.

Dr Coulson explains the factors that help or hinder resilience and why common advice such as 'Toughen up, princess' just doesn't work. Learn the psychological secrets that will build your child's capacity to bounce back, stronger and more resilient than ever, including the ability to think flexibly, exercise self-control, and make safe and healthy choices. Discover the powerful impact of family, relationships, school and community, and the most effective ways to support your child.

Dr Coulson aims to bolster resilience - not just in our children, but also in ourselves. Because it takes resilient parents to raise a resilient child.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook

272 pages, Paperback

Published January 22, 2019

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wanted much more out of this book. Some good general pointers, however mostly self evident and obvious ideas that I suggest most parents are already doing. Read this with a five year old in mind, and there was very little for this age group. Would be useful for parents of teens. Some of the research cited was overreaching and other statements like 'screen time permanently damages young children's brains' requires some serious referencing.

[Daniel Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Opens up psychological concepts in layman's terms and with appropriate examples, so very accessible. I read this through my work but can recommend to any parent for general, straight forward communication strategies.

[Roza Riaikkenen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really good book, thoughtful and thoroughly researched. Most importantly, the author has his own experience of rising children from their birth and going past their teenager years. So he doesn't just theorise about how to rise a resilient or gritty child. His approach is more holistic including the ethics of relationships the child will establish with others. I especially liked his understanding of the harm that competition can make to a child, especially life in a repetitive competition environment. His approach to cooperation as a healthy alternative to competition. In a competition, one wins, and many are put down as losers. In cooperation, everyone wins and is inspired.
The book is also inspirational because its idea is that whatever way the child is choosing, resilience is inbuilt in the child's psyche and can be applied when needed. It just provides some ideas of how to better prepare the child to this creative process.

[Tara Kennedy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes and expectations fit this book. I wanted it to be clear and tell me practical ways to help raise my children to be resilient. Instead I found it guilt inducing, a tad anxiety provoking and without helpful applicable practical tips to apply to my toddler, even though he is heavy on reiterating the first 3 years of life to be super important.

[Kyst · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's been a little while, so I'm going to have to try to remember why my feelings about this book weren't so crash hot, but I think I recall this: a large portion of the beginning of the book was about things to do in infancy, particularly around things like breastfeeding. I get that breastfeeding is great. A healthy gut biome is ideal and should be striven for ASAP. But a) I don't really think it's relevant in a book like this, particularly when b) mothers hear it constantly, don't worry. We have all been sufficiently scared into believing we're terrible mothers if we don't breastfeed. Which brings me to c), we can't all breastfeed. Some of us have medical reasons not to, not only to protect ourselves but also our children. The guilt that comes with this is already tremendous, especially when your child grows up to have health issues that, realistically, they probably would have had anyway, but that kind of thinking isn't how motherhood works, is it? To be told that this decision is going to impact things like resilience down the line just compounds the issue. I don't recall a single statement about mothers who need to make a different choice, only some few conciliatory words for those who got this advice too late.

I may be misremembering, of course. At least it's better than the midwife who told me to my face that I was dooming myself and my two-day-old child to cancer. Fuck that lady.

I wonder if Dr. Coulson and Nurse Fuckwit would say the same kinds of things about the fact that my eldest has a condition that requires the use of far more antibiotics than anyone would prefer. You know what? Probably.

Anyway, most of my memory of this book was in flipping through the pages and saying "duh, knew that" a whole lot. There may be parents who need this information, but I guess I wasn't one of them.

[Alice Dowden · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best part of this book was the title as it promised to deliver. A real shame it failed to do so.
There were small nuggets of value in this book which should have been central to the whole premise such as the importance of relationships and connection, but they were lost in all the superfluous anecdotes and the generic sanitised "Ned Flanders" feel of the professional delivery. While I generally dislike overused PC terms, I did feel that this book came from a position of privilege and had little focus on the effects of trauma and employing these principles in contexts of adversity. Surely when resilience is discussed, trauma needs a fairly thorough examination too. I recently finished Hold on to your kids by Gabor Mate and Dr Gordon Neufeld (similar premise) and it delivered a much punchier and effective message.
Overall I likened this to Fairy floss, it looks appealing but regrettably offers very little value.

[Elizabeth Hawthorne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read it in 2 weeks, highlighting and taking notes along the way. It was the first parenting book I've read that actually made me feel confident in some of the things I've already been doing as a mother, so that was reassuring! It also explained in detail some principals I already believed but didn't understand entirely, which was really helpful. I especially liked the parts about praising our kids and also competition. Everything was well researched and clear to understand. I was also able to easily make connections with how to use the book to assist adults with resilience issues. I recommended it to all of my friends and family!

[Graciela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Autonomy support
Discuss consequences of poor choices. Humm that’s an option just wondering what would happen.
Reason deference. Provide with rationale.
Resilience - You can build it up
Stinking thinking - be positive
Self control
Strength based parenting

Truly enjoyed this book. New concepts that I found valuable.

[Na · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book not only for helping to build resilience in your children, but recognising areas in which you yourself may not be so resilient. It's a thoroughly researched and authoritative book, and I greatly enjoyed it.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I might have expected too much from this book. But it was helpful in explaining things in basic terms. The easy way it explained how the psychological process works was informative. Just felt a bit long and fluffed out.

[Helen Hanna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just had a browse through it. Read the first chapter then had to return the book to the library.

[Kym OGorman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read and now that I've finished it I want to go back and read it again.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Elaine Esterhuizen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed it so much. Learned a lot and will be using it in the future.

[Isaac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great wealth of information

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many of these concepts are out in the ether, and I've come across them before. There are still some great practical examples and it never hurts to read them again.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved The Parenting Revolution from Dr Coulson. This one is good and useful but does waffle on a bit at times.

[Suresh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learn greater aspects of resilience and how it applies in us, and how I can develop it in children.

[Rochelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good parenting book for those who want to help their child to be more resilient. Justin Coulson has a positive parenting approach I really like. His books are practical and easy to read. I recommend this one.

[Rajiv Parikh]

Good book for parents who always needs some advice from other side of the fence.