Wait, What?: And Life's Other Essential Questions

by James E. Ryan

New York Times Bestseller

“What, What? is a welcome—and joyful—reminder that true wisdom comes from asking the right questions. Should you read this book? Absolutely.”

 —Clayton Christensen, bestselling author of How Will You Measure Your Life?

Based on the wildly popular commencement address, the art of asking (and answering) good questions by the Dean of Harvard University’s Graduate School of Education.

Whether we’re in the boardroom or the classroom, we spend far too much time and energy looking for the right answer. But the truth is that questions are just as important as answers, often more so. If you ask the wrong question, for instance, you’re guaranteed to get the wrong answer. A good question, on the other hand, inspires a good answer and, in the process, invites deeper understanding and more meaningful connections between people. Asking a good question requires us to move beyond what we think we know about an issue or a person to explore the difficult and the unknown, the awkward, and even the unpleasant.

In Wait, What?, Jim Ryan, dean of Harvard University’s Graduate School of Education, celebrates the art of asking—and answering—good questions. Five questions in particular: Wait, what?; I wonder…? Couldn’t we at least…?; How can I help?; and What truly matters? Using examples from politics, history, popular culture, and social movements, as well as his own personal life, Ryan demonstrates how these essential inquiries generate understanding, spark curiosity, initiate progress, fortify relationships, and draw our attention to the important things in life—from the Supreme Court to Fenway Park. By regularly asking these five essential questions, Ryan promises, we will be better able to answer life’s most important question: “And did you get what you wanted out of life, even so?” At once hilarious and illuminating, poignant and surprising, Wait, What? is an inspiring book of wisdom that will forever change the way you think about questions.

 

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Philosophy, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Business

144 pages, ebook

First published April 4, 2017

About the author

James E. Ryan is the eleventh dean of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Before joining Harvard, he was the Matheson & Morgenthau Distinguished Professor at the University of Virginia Law School, where he founded the school’s Program in Law and Public Service. A former clerk for Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist, as well as a former rugby player, he has argued before the United States Supreme Court. He lives with his wife, Katie, in Lincoln, Massachusetts, with their four kids, two dogs, two cats, and nine chickens.

Jim was recently interviewed on CBS This Morning about his new book, "Wait, What?" A clip of the interview is available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNR3i....

Reviews

[Gruia Novac · Rating 3 out of 5]

the book has the right intention , sends the right message, but the virtues of the writer are slim.
95% redundant, unless you are a simpleton ) here is the TLDR

“Wait, what?” is at the root of all understanding.
“I wonder . . . ?” is at the heart of all curiosity.
“Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is the beginning of all progress.
“How can I help?” is at the base of a3ll good relationships.
And “What truly matters?” helps get you to the heart of life.
if you dont know what to do, just ask !

[Lubinka Dimitrova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes even the most obvious questions, when actually asked, offer marvelous revelations into the wonders of our mundane, at times boring lives. Exceptionally enjoyable book, heartfelt and insightful.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing earth shattering to be found, quite straightforward and personal to the author. Publishing companies certainly seem to feel that we all need these "pearls of wisdom." Whatever! It was a quick read!

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brevity is beautiful. You can easily read this book in one sitting but the lessons should endure. The 5 essential questions posed by the author are very basic, but the rationale and personal histories behind each lesson are invaluable. This book gets very personal and shares intimate details; however, the focus is on articulating and sharing practical life lessons. A few reviewers have marked this book lower because the key takeaways are so brief and obvious. But for those of us who have forgotten or neglected such lessons, this book is essential. It offers up sound advice and guidance in a world overloaded with information, data and distractions. As our inboxes overflow and we fall into the grip of social media, we lost sight of simple, basic wisdom. Curiosity, wonder and interest will drive innovation and advancement. It's never over. Having the endorsement of a brilliant business thinker like Claydon Christensen ( author of the epic "The Innovator's Dilemma") really helps. His endorsement is well-deserved. I won't spoil the book by printing out the five short lessons. You must do a deeper dive and observe how the author developed each of these.

[Miles · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read, peppered with touching anecdotes about family. Key takeaways (mostly paraphrased quotes):

“Wait, what?” is at the root of all understanding.
“I wonder... ?” is at the heart of all curiosity.
“Couldn’t we at least... ?” is the beginning of all progress.
“How can I help?” is at the base of all good relationships.
“What truly matters?” helps get you to the heart of life.
If you don't know what to do, just ask.

"And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?"
The "even so" at the end of the question perfectly captures the reality that pain and disappointment are inevitably a part of a full life, but also the hope that life, even so, offers the possibility of joy and contentment.

What I have discovered in reading memorials is that every one of them usually hits on four areas of life: family, friends, work, and acts of kindness. You alone need to decide what truly matters about your work, your family, your friendships, and how to be kind. The key is to get beyond simply identifying the topics or categories that matter to you and to think through what is going well, what could go better, and why.

I believe it's healthy and productive to remain curious about yourself. Why do you have certain habits? Why do you like certain places, foods, events, and people, and what if there are others you would like just as much, if you gave them a change? Why do new experiences make you nervous?
Why are you quiet in meetings or shy at parties? Why are you easily distracted? Why do you sometimes lose patience with members of your family? What if you tried to change those things about yourself that you would really like to change? What if you just accepted some of those things as part of who you are?

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read "Wait, What?" by James E. Ryan as part of my research on the "second act." James E. Ryan is the dean of Harvard University's Graduate School of Education. The book originated as a graduation speech Ryan delivered for Harvard School of Education students. I listened to the speech first and found it to contain some good advice and information I might use in the class I'm thinking about leading, so I ordered the book. Unfortunately, much of the book is word-for-word from the speech. Ryan does, however, add anecdotes from his own life and examples from current events to support his ideas. I'm not sure that I needed to read the book after listening to the speech. Nevertheless, I will use the book as a resource for class participants.

Ryan posits that the ability to ask good questions leads to better being able to ANSWER life's important questions and, thus, lead a better life. Those questions are: "Wait, what?," "I wonder...?," "Couldn't we at least..?," "How can I help?," "What truly matters?," and the BONUS question "And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?" (He says the answer will likely be "YES" if you have repeatedly asked these questions throughout your life.)

"Wait, What?" by James R. Ryan might be a nice book to give as a gift for those milestone occasions, as it is a fast, easy, thought-provoking read. Otherwise, I'd check this one out from the library, or listen to the speech online, rather than investing the $20 to purchase it.

[Scott McD · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good read, well worth your time. As a crisis worker, the author has inspired me to ask more questions of my patients, particularly wait, what? As he says, it is better to ask the right questions, than to try and have the right answers. If we all tried to improve our communication skills, and practice kindness, what a better world it would be.

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked the message and it inspired me to ask better questions and to live a better life. This book is great to listen to with your teenage kids in the car!

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

The graduation speaker at MIT's hooding this year was just average to me so I was really excited to be given this book. This is just the kind of graduation speech I love. Ryan writes honestly from him heart and his life. While none of the takeaways are particularly brand new, it's the context and persuasiveness with which Ryan talks about the five essential questions that made me reevaluate how well and how often I really ask them. I especially loved his dedication to his friend, who embodied these questions with his life.

[Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed this reflective, quick read! Written by the Dean of Harvard Graduate School of Eduction and based off one of his graduation speeches. Premise of the book is that asking the right questions is a powerful tool to getting what you want out of life. He spends one chapter on each of the five key life questions he has found.

The intro had me pretty skeptical…”five questions to change your life” sounds like a clickbait listicle overpromise…but the book generally delivered. The key for me is that these are questions you can actually see yourself using in real life: universal, basic, yet also profound.

I could see some people getting annoyed with the personal stories attached to each question or the fact that the takeaways are pretty obvious in hindsight. However, I enjoyed the anecdotes (made the questions stick more) and found the clear, simple reminder of the takeaway impactful.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this little piece of inspiration on a whim and am glad I did. Not only was the author spot on regarding the value life's 5 essential questions (and his bonus question), but he also shared stories of his own full and inspiring life. Thanks to this book, I will never again ask "Can I help?" (Yes/no answer) but will instead say "How can I help?" which opens the door to action. Enjoy this short read!

[Ash Raichura · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy read that will take a lot more effort to integrate into my being. But worthwhile on all accounts.

[Heather Guasco · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this quick but thoughtful audiobook. The author had so much charm and manages to impart wisdom drawn off both his own personal experiences and his observation of others who he admires. I listened with my 9-year-old and it gave us a lot to talk about. “How can I help?” is my new mantra.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful human, humor, and humanity

[Travel Writing · Rating 2 out of 5]

“Wait, what?” is at the root of all understanding.
“I wonder . . . ?” is at the heart of all curiosity.
“Couldn’t we at least . . . ?” is the beginning of all progress.
“How can I help?” is at the base of a3ll good relationships.
And “What truly matters?” helps get you to the heart of life.
...if you dont know what to do, just ask !

And now, you have basically read the book. Seriously, that's it.

If you want to read the little stories that support or lead into these 6 sentences, then read the whole book. I read it during a particularly boring meeting at work. Super short book, nothing earth shattering, only mildly and intermittently interesting.

The BEST line was: I first met my biological mother at a rest stop on the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey.

Sadly, the story following that amazing sentence only last about a page. Too bad, it was a stunning sentence and I would have followed it anywhere.

[Cameron · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, quick easy read. Tells stories about why asking questions and getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing. Synopsis, ask questions get better results, lets you learn more, and fosters deeper relationships.

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

A message I can get behind, prose I cannot. I felt like half this book didn't need to be there, and the bits about the author were not as interesting and in no way enlightening (for me, at least). It might seem obvious that asking questions is the best way to learn but a lot of people don't question anything they are told so I still think there is value in saying it. Unfortunately I just didn't find this book interesting beyond that.

[Bob Varettoni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to this during a long drive through New Jersey on a Friday night, and thought, “Eh...” So maybe you can blame location or the darkness, but I didn’t find this as inspirational as Admiral McRaven’s “Make Your Bed” or Jonathan Fields’ “How to Live a Good Life” or, hell, even James Comey’s “A Higher Loyalty.” I would have preferred the shorter, speech-as-delivered version of this book — especially if the original didn’t include the graphic childbirth stories. I get the premise about the questions, I really do. But as one of my heroes, John Prine, once sang: “A question ain't really a question, if you know the answer too.”

[Antoinette Perez]

Delightful expansion of the sub-7-minute viral commencement speech from Dean James Ryan of Harvard's Graduate School of Education. If you have only 7 minutes, the speech is a 10/10. If you have a day, read the book for a broader, 8/10 experience.

On second read, 12/18:
Sound advice, again. <3

[May Ling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short book. Good questions to consider. More impressive he made a book out of 5 questions. Worth a read and short. Needed it to make my annual reading goal.

[dylan fogarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

the most successful people aren’t the ones with all of the answers, but rather the ones with the good questions

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a sucker for inspirational, self-help books, especially those with a practical approach. This one hit nicely in that sweet spot between helpful and entertaining. This started as a graduation speech the author made at the Harvard School of Education. As so often happens, the video went viral and publishers came calling. They convinced him to expand his speech into a book and he did a good job with fairly thin material.

The strength of the book was in the author's personal experiences. I learned more from his stories than I did from his advice. The advice itself is not earth-shattering, but the most profound answers are usually the simplest ones. It's like at church where the answer to almost every question about how to better know doctrine, change your life, or deal with a tough issue is to pray and read the scriptures. It's simple, but covers a lot of territory. The same thing is true here.

While we know that curiosity is important, do we actually practice it? Do we ask ourselves and others the questions we need to understand? I'm often guilty of complacency and being too willing to accept the status quo. Recently I have returned to college after 30 years away and have realized just how set in my ways I've gotten and how unhappy that has been making me. I do need to ask more questions, and the ones outlined in this book are a good place to start.

Five stars for practicality and readablity.

[Lance Kuhn · Rating 5 out of 5]

James Ryan confirms from a high level (Dean of Harvard's Graduate School of Education) what I have been trying to impress upon my students for years: It's all about the question! If you ask the right question (right = thoughtful, substantial, open-ended, purposeful), the answer will lead to fruitful dialogue and a purposeful life.
As a scientist and science teacher I find that the question drives the research or the attempts at understanding, and I push hard to have my students learn how to ask strong questions. Ryan makes the point that there are really only a few pertinent questions (with a lot of nuance to them) necessary to build a fruitful life. Whether this set of five plus one questions is the exact set might be up for debate, but I believe the consistent use of these questions and the appropriate responses will, as he says, lead to a positive answer to the bonus question. And I, for one, seek to have such an answer!

[Bea Bezmalinovic · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a print version of a graduation speech that James Ryan, Dean of Harvard's Graduate School of Education. In it, he explains that he has a penchant for asking questions, one that dates back to his youth.

He identifies 5 important questions:

wait, what?
I wonder...?
Couldn't we at least?
How can I help?
What Truly Matters?

I confess that I did not buy this book. It was a freebie that was handed out at a conference. The book is a quick read. I like the questions and the way that Ryan describes how he asked and answered them. The book is well-written and makes a solid point when it prompts us to ask questions, not settle for standard answers nor assume that we know all the answers. It might be a good graduation or transition gift. As regular reading, I think it is fine, but not outstanding.

[Greg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this short book! It's an expansion of a speech Ryan gave at a commencement ceremony. He uses events from his life and other stories to expand on 5 crucial questions (and a bonus question) that everyone should ask themselves from time to time. As one who helps others figure out how to hold difficult questions, negotiate competitively, and generally communicate more effectively, I think the questions he highlighted could help everyone lead a more fruitful life. They would certainly help us in the relationships that are most important to us! The questions are:

1. Wait, what? This is the root of all understanding.
2. I wonder...(why and if). This is the heart of all curiosity.
3. Couldn't we at least...? This is the beginning of all progress.
4. How can I help? This is the basis of all good relationships.
5. What truly matters? This is the heart of life itself.
Bonus: And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?

[Lindsay Nixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is definitely a book I’ll repeat a few times. It feels like a long graduation speech (and that’s fair to say since it came out of one) — or a great lead at an AA or Al-Anon speaker meeting...

You learn in the book that his mother was a recovered alcoholic (she’s deceased, this is all a footnote in the book for context) so I’m sure he was influenced...

I’d say this “memoir” is very much his personal share of experience, strength and hope... aaaand 1 of the essential 5 questions he suggestions you adopt IS from 12-step programs (“How can I help?”)

Buuuuut even if you are unfamiliar or aren’t into 12-step programs there’s a buffet of “food for thought” and little tricks to making life more easeful and fulfilling

[Karla Covarrubias · Rating 3 out of 5]

Todos queremos ser amados, respetados y cuidados en cualquiera de nuestros círculos sociales. Nuestras relaciones son la mejor medida para saber si estamos logrando estos puntos.

Este libro es una guía empática y cálida para saber realizar las preguntas adecuadas ante diversas situaciones personales y profesionales para lograr conectar y avanzar donde a veces la comunicación se complica.

Es un texto ligero, fácilmente entendible y grato, pero para mi gusto, fue demasiado personal para el tema a tratar. Aún así, una buena lectura para poder responder a la pregunta “And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This gem of a book made me laugh out loud and deeply weep as well. It is very short: I read it in one sitting, between bathroom breaks: I did not rise out of my chair from start to finish. But it is packed with stories and impact. Light-hearted and simultaneously deeply touching, it deserves my best compliment, which is this: Who deserves this book as a gift? I plan to purchase my own copy (this one's from the library) and keep it on my shelf of treasured books. Many thanks to Lisa for this recommendation. She knew I'd love it.

[Tracy Flannery · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thoughtful, life-approach book written by the former Dean of Harvard's Graduate School of Education and is the expansion of a graduation speech he gave while still at Harvard. The book explores the benefit of asking five questions when approaching life's issues, both big and small. "Wait, what?" leads to deeper understanding, "I wonder" promotes creativity, "Couldn't we at least" inspires collaboration and agreement, "How can I help?" builds trust and relationships and "What truly matters?" is, well, self-evident but not frequently enough invoked.
This is a quick read at only 140 small pages, but it will make you think and focus on what's important not a bad thing to do during the holidays. I received this book in a book group holiday exchange--perfect timing!

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

About what you would expect from the self-help mode. Nothing really profound, but the author's personal story is heart-warming (he was adopted).

Note: I listened to this on Audible (former deal of the day). Ryan surprisingly is not a very dynamic reader. Speed it up to at least 1.75 to make it tolerable.

Note: I have articles and speeches by the author (he is the new President of my Alma Mater). He recycles A LOT.